Iason wants time to himself to recuperate, the only problem is how long is too long.
Iason had woken once more, this time feeling hungry. When he attempted to move, he was half expecting Gon to hold him down once more, but instead, he was able to slide out of the grasp of both of his partners, without waking either of them in the process.
He got to work, making a late dinner for the three of them. As he was chopping away, he thought about Sakura's words. When it came to reasoning, he could always depend on Sakura.
Gon was dumb; he wasn't some muscle meathead or someone who couldn't articulate his thoughts. It's just that Sakura knew how to reach out to him. He wondered if it was from experience, or was how the boy broached serious topics.
If it was the former, he was thankful for the boy being Gon's first partner. He was an anchor, someone who knew how to reason with Gon, because when it came to boundaries, Gon ignored them most of the time.
Not that he would complain about that either.
He couldn't consider that trait of Gon's to be bad. In certain circumstances, it was welcomed. If the boy hadn't openly kissed him in the bath house… If Sakura didn't admit that they were open to a trifecta relationship, he probably be too shy to admit his feelings for either of them.
So, he was thankful for Gon thrusting himself into his life; but when it came to his past, he didn't like being pried into… at least, not right now. He needed time to himself, to think, to understand what happened that afternoon.
He needed to understand why his parent's names were written on those gravestones, and why that was his dream for his future. It hurts to think about his past. If he were to believe that dream, at some point they'll visit a grave, which as far as he knows… doesn't even exist. It was inconceivable…
He knows the rules of his birth place; there was no way they would get a grave, let alone a marked spot. They would be considered traitors. However, he doesn't understand why, let alone how they betrayed Supreme Leader Diego.
The one person who could help him understand why, who also helped transport him out of the Republic of East Gorteau, never had a chance to tell him.
He never got to find out the answer in the end…
He had run away from them…
Well, if he was being honest, he didn't run away from the person who knew the truth. The reason he ran, was because of another. It was someone he genuinely cared about… his first crush, Ryker.
He ran away from Ryker because of what he now interprets as being stupid at the time. It was a lie he should've taken in order to protect his friend. If only he could convince the others that it was him at fault… maybe he'd still be friends with him.
If he could trace back to the origins of his ability, the one Gon wanted to name the Dreaming Teddy Bear… his first crush, would be the reason why it exists. He wanted to help that boy so much, whatever way possible.
Broken pottery, sure… it can be his fault. Getting into fights, he didn't mind that the boy said it was to protect him. At that time, he wanted to do everything in his power to protect that boy.
But it all changed when Ryker was caught stealing. He said he only did it to prove he could pull off impossible feats, that's what he understood at the time. The boy was planning to return it the following day, but someone lied…
Someone said his closest friend was lying, that the boy had stolen it because he wanted it all for himself.
Rather than trying to absolve the situation, admitting to the truth… that he was planning to return it, Ryker instead convinced him to take the blame. None of the adults would accept the boy's excuse. They'll call him a liar…
If Iason took the blame, he'd get off easier. That was what his friend told him. But that wasn't what happened. They demanded him to tell them the truth, that it wasn't him… that he was just covering for someone else.
No matter what he said at that time, he just couldn't convince any of them. So, he ran, hoping that it'll further implicate him, that they'll believe him then. He managed to throw away the object along the way, hoping that his most trusted friend would find it and return it…
However, the further he got, the more something within him wouldn't allow him to stop. He couldn't stop running. It was though he was in an endless trance, running away with an intent to never stop. It was only when he met Leorio for the first time was he able to finally. At that point he just collapsed, too tired to voice his pain at the time.
Leorio and his family nursed him back to health, and ever since then, he hasn't been able to look back.
If he hadn't ran, meeting Leorio… Gon or Sakura would've never been possible. What would've happened if he ran into the arms of another, someone more dangerous?
He'd dread to think of what would've come of his life if he never met Leorio.
He considers himself as lucky. As the days progressed, life had gotten better.
Sometimes he'd catch himself wondering what he'd do if he ever saw his childhood friend again? He honestly had no clue. He wouldn't know whether to apologise, to cry or be happy to see him again… Maybe even a little of each.
He still has feelings for the boy…
He misses Ryker…
But he's in an open relationship with Gon and Sakura, they'd all have to like Ryker, not just him. That was why their relationship worked, why the three of them have gotten along so well. They trusted and respected each other's opinions and feelings.
Having Ryker step into their lives wouldn't be feasible. Iason couldn't be the only one who got to be with Ryker, they'd all have to share him…
But then again, the possibility of meeting Ryker again was impossible at this point. What he should be focusing on now, is his partners and understanding his dream.
As soon as the two wake up, he might take Sakura up on his offer.
If you want some space, we can give it to you… It hurt to think about it, but if he was going to try to understand his feelings, he'd need time to himself. He'll need to think about these things.
He doesn't think it'll change his feelings about his partners, he loves them… more than he's willing to admit. That won't change, but aspects of their relationship will eventually need to change.
Mainly, his past… it will need to be told eventually.
The boy got the heat going, starting his process of preparing meals for everyone. He was halfway through the cooking process when Gon's voice startled him.
"Iason…?"
The boy didn't panic, although he did jump because he hadn't heard the boy walking around. Or maybe he was just so focused on his thoughts and cooking, that he ignored the sounds. He turned around to offer the boy a weak smile before turning back around to continue.
Gon came up behind his partner, hugging him without infringing on the boy's movements, "I'm sorry about earlier."
"It's ok…" Iason acknowledge his partner, but between the words dipped in sorrow and hug that melted his heart, he so badly wanted to turn around. He wanted to hug his partner, to admit that most of the mistakes had stemmed from him.
He knows that neither Gon or Sakura would accept that, but that was how he felt right now. He had yelled at them, telling them to stop prodding, even though there was no way they saw while he was sleeping under the Hyacinth Luminous-Willow.
Sakura was next to get up, right as Iason had finished. He spotted Gon holding their partner closely. The tension was thick, quiet and painful to watch. He could see that a small aspect of Iason wanted to push Gon way, but neither of them were prepared to move.
Iason didn't want Gon to let go, nor did Gon want to make the first move.
Sakura went over to shoo Gon away, wanting to give their other partner the space he probably needed right now. When Gon was leaving, Sakura caught Iason's gaze, the boy offering a silent thank you as he opened the cupboards. preparing a bowl of food for each of them.
They sat down together, eating quietly as the three of them were unable to broach the incoming topic. It needed to be talked about, whether Iason wanted some alone time to himself or not.
Eventually Sakura was the one to build up the courage to ask, "Did you… still want some time for yourself?"
The boy froze at the question. Now that he was being offered it again, even though he agreed that he needed it earlier, he wasn't so sure now. He didn't want to go a day without either of his partners, but at the same time… he does need it. He needed it to understand himself better.
So, with a small nod, he accepted the offering. He was expecting Gon to deny the request, but it never came.
Instead, the boy heard Sakura speak once more, "We understand… but like I said earlier, we're not going to leave you sleep alone, we'll still be there for you that way. We'll still wish you a good night, morning and hug you from time-to-time. We just won't bother you, besides those moments…"
Iason nodded once more.
Sakura smiled, even though the contents of the situation still hurt. He paused for a moment, thinking his thoughts over before finally adding a small attachment at the end "We love you."
Iason sucked in a breath, tears almost ready to fall again. He closed his eyes, forcing back the tears. Once he was calm, he smiled as he continued to eat. They still love him, even with the small change to their dynamic.
Iason had fell asleep for the third time that day, Gon's arms wrapped tightly around him. As he closed his eyes, he could feel the boy playing with his hair, running fingers through his strands. It was comforting, know that even though he wanted to limit their interactions to as small as possible, the touching and the hugging will never stop.
He knows he's being selfish by asking Gon to be the only one to join him in bed, but when it comes to things like these, that boy is the best. He knows where to grab, what to touch and hold.
It not about making Sakura feel inferior in their relationship, or making him feel like he doesn't want to be touched by him. It's not. It's just that he just prefers Gon in this instance…
He'll majority of the time, prefer that Gon was the one to touch him.
"~"
It had been two days since that event, since he yelled at his two partners. He regrets ever doing it, telling them that he would like some alone time. Iason and Sakura would end up going out during the day.
They would always come back around dinner time, and the three of them would sit in silence, eating with barely a compliment going by.
If there was one thing he has learnt, over these past few days, it was nothing at all. He still doesn't understand anything about his dream.
He misses the social interaction, the compliments, the constant touching throughout the day. He craves it, yet at the same time… he still feels like he needs another few more days to recuperate.
By some miracle, maybe he'd finally get a clear understanding of his dream. Yet, when he looked up at his partners, seeing they had already eaten and his food was barely touched, he didn't know if he'd could last any longer.
It was gnawing at his heart, yet he still wanted to commit to the plan. He still needed some more time…
Just as he was about to stick his fork in his food, a hand rested on his shoulder, pulling him away from his thoughts. His gaze met Sakura's; his boyfriend's eyes were full of concern.
"Are you ok…?" He whispered, trying not to spark the attention of their other partner. He has held Gon back for so long, that now, even he was struggling to hold back from sweeping his partner into his arms.
He was hoping that Iason would say "no", that he'd finally seek the help his wavering eyes were desperately showing. If the boy could admit it, within a heartbeat, the two partners would swoop the third into their arms, helping the boy out.
"I'm fine…" He turned back to his food, eating ever so slowly.
You don't sound fine… "Ok…" Please, reach out to us. Please don't let these thoughts consume you before it's too late. We love you so much, we don't want to lose you… The boy's cheeks didn't turn red from his unspoken words, instead, his lingering eyes turned away, desperately hoping that Iason doesn't crack under the pressure of his own worries.
"~"
Iason had already turned on the shower before realising he had forgotten his pyjama pants. He opened the bathroom door, expecting to go to his room to grab a pair, but he heard the quiet voices of his partners having a conversation.
He wanted to just grab his pants and have a shower, but he couldn't help himself. He needed to know if he should be worried.
"Gon, I'm starting to worry more about Iason…"
"We should call off the deal, you're not the only one worried. I sometimes see him with this sadden, staring off into the distance gaze. We should be helping him, not leaving him to try to understand his nightmare on his own."
"Yes, but I value Iason's wish more than my feelings. If he doesn't want help, we shouldn't force ours upon him. We should continue to give him the space he wants…"
"But didn't you-"
"I know what I said… I'm worried, but forcing Iason to open-up is not the best idea. What if he pushes us away further?"
"Then we try harder."
"No, that's final. I…" The boy let out a guttural sigh full of desperation. No, he agreed to this. He will not go back on his word. He'll let Iason come to them when he's ready. Until then, he should put up with his own struggles "I think spending these last few nights on my own is finally catching up to me. I spent the last few nights worrying more about our partner than myself…"
"I'm sorry…" Gon hugged his worried smaller partner, refusing to let go as he spoke "I'll see if he wants to sleep with you instead. I can take a few nights by myself."
"I can't do that… Clearly, he wants you more than me. I- I- I didn't mean to say it like that. I mean… it's not like he doesn't like me… It's that… the way you hold us, it tends to make us feel warm, protected throughout the night. I think that's why he keeps picking you."
"But that doesn't mean that he should continue to do that. I want him to be happy, but I also want you to be happy. We should-"
"Does he sleep ok, as in he doesn't wake up constantly throughout the night?"
"No, he sleeps just fine. I would've felt him stirring if he did. I'm making sure I sleep like I did on Greed Island, hyper aware of my surroundings. If he wakes up scared, I'll be right there for him."
"Then you should continue to spend the nights with Iason. Knowing that you being extra protective with him, makes me feel relieved. I'll be able to sleep a little better tonight."
"Are you sure…? I can still ask if he's willing to switch so he can spend more time with you."
"No, it's fine. If he asks for you again, you should be there for him. Even if it takes a month, we'll continue to be there for him… He needs one of us to hold him, and knowing that you doing your best to look after him makes me more than happy. We probably shouldn't continue to discuss this anymore anyways… I don't want him to add us to his worries."
"Alright…"
Iason quickly grabbed his pants before heading back to the shower. Even though he knew he shouldn't spy, that he shouldn't have stayed to listen… just hearing that his two partners were doing their best to try and make him feel comfortable and safe, made him break into a huge smile. He could hear how much they both wanted to sweep him into their arms and beg him to ask for their help…
But he couldn't… not yet. He wanted to be strong, to be able to solve it on his own.
He couldn't have asked for better partners. Yes, the whole situation made him feel like shit, but they were going along with it for his sake. So, he needed to be able to walk away with something…
Something that didn't make this all for naught.
"~"
Sakura's attention was drawn to Gon, a groan had escaped his partner. His boyfriend sounded frustrated, annoyed at their situation. He thought that his discussion with his partner yesterday was the end of it. It turns out it wasn't "Please don't make this harder…"
"I'm not. I just feel like we should do something extra special for him. I'll work something out. Nothing to fancy, or to force him to go out… We'll either bake or buy him a treat… Something we'll know he'd enjoy. Hopefully, we can make him smile with it…"
"Actually, that's a good idea. We can continue to walk around; try to find something we think he'll like."
"Something rich with flavour…"
"Nothing fancy, huh…?"
"I promise! I'll ask Daniel, not Killua… I have a feeling I know what he would say…"
A\N: This might be the last chapter for the year. I might post another next week, but if not, I should've written hopefully by the start of next year.
If that's the case, happy early New Year and a Merry Christmas from me :)