Tali'Zorah vas Normandy had done her best to stay composed in the middle of the busy hospital. Upon receiving the message regarding Shepard, she had tried very hard to simply maintain a "well-paced walk" through the corridors. She forced her legs to keep a constant cadence, not only to save her any strange glances, but also out of concern for the safety of those around her who would have not felt or known her desire - no, her need to be with him. For a while, the quarian was reasonably successful. However, as with all measures of time (barring infinity, of course), the "while" did not last.

In fact, it lasted only until she reached the elevator, which was not very long at all.

As she made her way around, she did not feel the sensation of "walking". Instead, she felt as if she simply floated along. Tali was no longer "here" in the hospital as she moved and was now operating exclusively on autopilot. A strange silence filled Tali's ears as she ran down an entire list of "what-ifs". The silence was deafening in her ears. A hundred thousand worst-case scenarios ran unbidden through her frazzled and increasingly desperate mind.

What if he was worse than he looked when we found him? What if something happened during surgery? What if he doesn't remember anything? What if he doesn't remember me - or us?

The war inside her mind raged on as she retaliated against herself.

And to all those questions? "So what." If any of those are the case, I will be there for him. I will love him as he has loved me. I will help him. If he doesn't remember me, then I will help him remember.

"Keelah, Tali. You need to get it together. John would be…'ripping me one'?" She knew it wasn't quite right, especially as she said it out loud. It didn't matter - the meaning was apparent. "He'd be pissed. Of that, I am certain."

Before she knew it, she was standing in front of the open doorway to room 407. Pausing only to take in a deep and calming breath, she entered.

The room was much dimmer than she had expected it to be. Tali at first thought that it was just because the hallways had been brightly lit, but a darkened room for a recovering patient made a lot of sense. The curtain was pulled around to obstruct the view from the outside, thus as she carefully made her way around the far side of the curtain, she was surprised that her first sight was that of one Miranda Lawson. The intrepid former-Cerberus operative was leaning over the hospital bed, adjusting something on the monitor next to it. Tali bristled ever-so-slightly at the sight of the genetically-perfect human woman leaning over something - someone - that was ostensibly Tali's. Miranda was, as usual, wearing a skintight jumpsuit that accentuated every one of her "perfect" curves.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Bosh'tet.

The wringing of Tali's hands had begun in earnest. Unsure what to say or how to say it - because she didn't want to surprise Miranda (she was, after all, leaning over the prone form of her saera) - the quarian woman decided to hang back and examine the bulges in the plain white blankets - standard issue - at the end of the bed. She noticed the left foot - bulkier and at much more of an odd angle than the right - and felt a gross wave of guilt for earlier feeling relief at the thought that John would have to retire. She of course wanted him to do just that, but just seeing the outline of his foot was enough to feel ashamed that her hope would entail such obvious pain.

Tali tried to devise a means by which to get Lawson's attention but without surprising her. Miranda beat her to the punch.

"Hello, Tali. I'm glad you're here." Miranda hadn't turned to look at the quarian, and yet Tali was unsurprised that the human woman had known she was there. Her voice was flat, she spoke matter-of-factly.

She sighed in relief. "Keelah, Miranda. How do you do that?" She chuckled softly. "Hi. It's good to see you." This was not a lie. Despite what feelings she may have had for her during their time fighting against the Collectors, Tali now held a begrudging respect for her. "Though I'm curious: why are you here?"

Miranda stepped away from the bed, giving the other woman a bit more of Shepard to see. The white blankets went all the way up to his neck, but his face was still obstructed by her form. She turned to face Tali, and gave her a…smile? That was warm?

What has gotten into her? Is this John's doing? His influence on us? Even Miranda seems to be warmer. With her father out of the picture, and her sister safe, there's far less on her mind, I suppose.

She chuckled at the suited woman as she answered her first question. "'How do I do that?' Oh you know, Tali. 'Genetically-perfect bosh'tet' and all that."

Tali'Zorah took an involuntary step back. She had pronounced the Khelish word perfectly.

Because of course she did. What. A. Bitch. Tali smiled a little bit, as she realized with a touch of embarrassment that the entire exchange was meant as light-hearted banter.

Miranda continued. "Seriously though, Tali. I am happy that you're here. He'll need you when he wakes up. He's been through…a lot." She paused, looking back at Shepard for a moment before facing Tali again. "As for me? Well, I demanded that I be part of the medical team - advisory, primarily - since they'd be dealing with implants that I was intimately familiar with. I wouldn't let them tell me 'no', and Admiral Hackett may have had a few things to say in my favor as well." She paused, turning to take another quick yet somber look at the man lying in the hospital bed next to her. "Shepard…did too much for me, and means too much to a lot of people, to let them root around in there without my oversight."

The quarian felt a wide grin spread across her face. Miranda had been right of course, but Tali smiled because the change in the ex-Cerberus agent was real. And it was almost entirely Shepard's doing.

And we're all better for it. Ah, I love him so much.

There was silence between them for a few moments, neither one sure just how to broach the most important and glaring topic at hand. Tali made the first move, and braced herself for the answers to the question she was about to ask. This little reunion had been nice, but she couldn't put it off any longer. "So, um…what's the damage report?" She was wringing her hands furiously, and only made her tension worse as she chastised herself for reverting to a habit that Shepard had tried so hard to convince her was not necessary.

"Tali, remember: you're enough. You just have to remind yourself, okay?"

Miranda sighed slightly, knowing that this question would've been coming. She also knew that Tali's nerves sometimes could get the better of her. "OK Tali, I'm going to rattle off some things, and they may sound scary. So just…deep breaths, okay?" Ironically, she took one of her own as she prepared to go through a litany.

"Okay. First, there was a lot of scarring to Shepard's lungs, damage from what we think was a close-proximity explosion and then quite a bit of smoke inhalation. He was lying in the Presidium for nearly a week, so every breath would've been tinged with smoke." She looked at the floor, took a breath and then looked directly into Tali's eyes as she resumed. "His lungs will never regain full capacity again, but we've done enough that with time, he'll be able to live well. Instead of running marathons, he'll just have to walk them." She smiled at Tali in reassurance after letting out a little laugh before continuing. "Second, he suffered some minor disc damage to his spine, and some bone damage to his left shoulder, knee, and ankle. I'm not sure how it happened, but my guess is that he fell - hard - on his left side. His ankle will never fully heal, but it will be fine for most activities in a few weeks. For me personally, I think the biggest concern is the prospect of re-injury. The knee and shoulder should also be close to normal in a few weeks' time. Also, he suffered a fairly significant concussion, but that has cleared up pretty well."

Tali stood in stunned silence. Her face was very hot as she felt tears well up in her eyes. She hadn't realized it, but her arms crossed her body tightly, as if she was trying to warm herself on a frigid day. She was shaking slightly.

Keelah, I…asked for this. I wanted this to happen to him…because I didn't want him to be able to…She let out a long and unsteady exhalation, trying to keep the tears from flowing freely - both from relief and shame. And he suffered to come back to me, and now…

The quarian woman could not finish any of those thoughts.

"Tali, are you okay? I know it's a lot to take in, but-"

There's no way I can tell her what just screamed through my mind. How can I tell him? He'll…keelah, he'll hate me. I hate me right now. Just act normal, in front of Miranda, at least.

Doing her best to sound like all she felt was happiness, she answered her. "That…that's good news, Miranda. It's just…you're right, it is a lot to take in."

She spoke reassuringly. "I know it is, but it's going to be okay. We're here for him. You're here for him, and I think that'll be the most important thing."

Tali forgot, for just a moment, her own guilt. It was replaced with a tremendous gratitude for the woman that she was speaking to.

"Miranda, I…just…thank you. For everything. Including bringing him…back after…you know." She had trailed off, not able to actually talk about his death and resurrection (that word would have to do, she realized, for lack of a better one). Tali stepped toward her and grabbed one of her hands. Looking directly into her eyes, she continued. "Miranda, I mean it. We wouldn't have this chance if it wasn't for you three years ago, and I wouldn't have this chance now. There is no one I'd rather want, well except maybe Doctor Chakwas," this elicited a slight smile from Lawson, "than you. Regardless of my feelings when we first met, it was clear that you always had Shepard's well-being in mind. I know you'll make sure that he's okay."

Was the Miranda Lawson blushing?

For once? Just a little?

Yes.

"Thank you. That actually…means a lot to me. I know that we didn't get off to a good start, but I'm very glad we met." She stopped there as her words sank in to not only herself but to Tali as well. A few moments later, she continued. "And Tali? If you like irony, I'm pretty certain that it was his implants that saved his life this time, too." She gave her a smile that conveyed…something. It was something secret, but it would remain that way for now. "He is going to be okay. He'll just need some time, some physical therapy, and a lot more of you here with him. I don't expect that last part will be a problem for you."

"No, that last one definitely won't be." She was beginning to feel…relief? Yes, that was it. Miranda wouldn't have sugarcoated anything for her benefit - that was a trait that she and Shepard had definitely had in common.

Miranda involuntarily flattened out her suit before speaking once more. "Tali? Remember, if something seems amiss, or these doctors give you a hard time - which I doubt - message me on my omnitool, OK?"

Nodding vigorously, she gave her affirmation that she would, indeed, do just that.

When she left, Tali turned back to Shepard and - finally - looked at his face. To her surprise, it looked relatively…well, Shepard-like, she supposed. He looked like himself, aside from the scattered bruising and healing cuts that marred his skin. But he looked…peaceful, she thought. At least, at first. As she studied him more closely, Tali noted something else just under the surface. She didn't know what it was, but it gave her pause. Hesitantly, she placed her hand delicately, lovingly, on his shoulder and gave it a soothing squeeze -

Ancestors, this is real. He is really here. This is my hand, this is his shoulder on his body.

"Saera." She wasn't sure why she said the word aloud - maybe to give audible proof to what her eyes and hand were telling her? A moment passed, and then her heart skipped a beat, and her breath caught in her throat when his eyes fluttered open, wide and frantic. She felt his body tense up under her touch, and it took all of her strength to not panic. Instead, she squeezed his shoulder again - more forcefully this time - and spoke to him.

"Shhh, John. It's okay. It's me, Tali. I'm right here. Please, calm down." She brought her visor inches from his face. Her voice was pleading, desperate. At the sound of it, he noticeably relaxed and found her eyes with his own.

To say that Tali was relieved would've been something of an understatement.

Letting out a heavy breath that was wrapped within a noisy wheeze, he greeted her with words barely above a whisper.

"Hey there, beautiful." He gave her a slight smile as he said this. It was that half-smile that melted her every time she saw it. It was a simple act of reassurance that struck her just as deeply as his words had. There was genuine love contained in that smile.

And holy hell, had she needed that.

She reached her hand out to brush his cheek - she couldn't speak. She was barely thinking as she cried behind her visor. Emotions - plural, because there were so many roiling around inside her - held in check any conscious thought that she might've been able to express. She watched as he closed his eyes and gently pressed his face against her hand.

That just made her cry harder. He felt the change as her hand trembled a bit more.

Wow John, she is either really happy to see you, or maybe something else is going on? What kind of shape am I in?

He opened his eyes again to see that her other hand was pressed against her vocalizer. The bright orbs of her eyes were not visible behind her visor as she shook with each sob. Shepard could feel the torrent of emotions from within her - he felt the turmoil she was experiencing. Shakily, he wrapped his fingers around the hand against his cheek. He chuckled slightly as he remembered being found and awakened on the Citadel in a very similar fashion.

He pulled her hand to his lips and lovingly kissed each of her fingertips. He kept his eyes locked onto hers, which were now open, as he did so. They stayed like that - John kissing each of her fingers, then moving to her hand. Finally, Tali couldn't take it anymore, so she simply bent down and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her sobs were given away by the continued shaking of her body against his chest.

He rubbed her back reassuringly as his own tears started to roll.

He awoke to the feeling of weight on his chest and the quiet purring of Tali in his ears. Slowly, he opened his eyes to find that the sight before him matched the audio clues he'd been given. A smile crept upon his face as he just…watched her as she slept. Her left hand was interlocked on the side of the bed with his right, as his left arm lay beside him - inert and at present, completely useless. Tali's right arm was draped over his stomach. With a feeling of satisfaction, he watched her head rise and fall in rhythm with his own breathing.

So this is actually real, then. Not another dream, not some…fantasy. And I think that I slept with no dreams, or at least no nightmares. That's a change of pace I can definitely abide. I reckon it's your fault, saera. That's fine with me. But why do I think that there's something bothering you too?

He turned his head slightly to catch the first light of dawn peak through the window. It's soft orange tint was just beginning to uproot the cold black of night. It gave John hope - it seemed to him to be an apt metaphor.

If that's the case, she won't be the only one bothered by something, will she?

That didn't take long, did it?

Just like that, his serene thoughts were dragged back from the shore of his mind. As those thoughts receded, what was left was not a pleasant sight - sharp, shadowy, and guilt-ridden, he was left with every dark thought that he could think pressing greedily like ravenous demons at the window of his soul.

And they have names, don't they? Every. Fucking. One.

That's Thane over there. That's Mordin. That one over there? That's fucking Javik for Christ's sake. How did he get one…? Fuck, because the Protheans are truly extinct now, Shepard. That's why. There's a million more just like them scattered around here. And those two bigass ones right in front? You know who they are, you fucking bastard. You fucking murderer. "Murderer" doesn't even do it justice, Shepard. You committed genocide, twice over. There's one each for Legion - the entire Geth race, lest you forget - and the other for EDI. EDI, that sincere and sweet friend who just wanted to be alive and in love with Jeff. And you stole that, you fuck. You. Stole. Their. Lives.

Speaking of Jeff, that'll be a fun conversation, won't it? Because you know he'll be happy to see you alive. He'll be happy to see you with Tali - together and in love. You know what else he'll be? Devastated. Jealous. Angry. Suicidal? Probably not, but who can tell with these things, eh Johnny Boy?

He squeezed his eyes shut then, trying to silence the mocking voices that hounded him and accused him. Those voices were prosecutor, judge, and jury, and he'd been found guilty already.

How could Tali want me? Want this? This monster? I am not what she signed up for. I am not what she deserves. I don't deserve her. If I'm capable of this, this atrocity, did I ever deserve her? How could I have ever thought that -

He began to cry quietly; for himself, for every innocent being that met a demise at his hands. Desperately, he worked to keep himself under control, trying not to wake the woman whom he was now quite convinced that he no longer deserved.

It was at this moment that Tali awoke to see the pained expression on his face, the tears rolling down his face, and the shaking sobs that racked him. He was despairing, and it was a feeling that she was far more familiar with than she would have ever wanted to admit. Softly, she spoke first.

"John, saera, are you okay?"

No, Tali'Zorah. He is probably not okay. This? This is the opposite of "okay".

She then raised herself from his stomach, sitting upright and still holding his hand. She watched his face with a grim curiosity, as her movements did not change nor abate the tears that fell from his eyes. In fact, Shepard gave no indication that he even knew that she was there.

Keelah, why is he like this? What happened to him there?

She spoke to him again after she brought her face close to his. Her voice was only slightly above a whisper.

"John, my love. I'm here. I will not leave you. When you want to…talk to me…if you want to talk to me, I'm right here and I love you. Do you hear these words, my saera? I love you." She spoke to him earnestly, with the full passion of her love for him behind her words. When he still did not move, or make any other acknowledgment of her presence, Tali simply dropped her head onto his chest - defeated. Quietly, she began to give in to her own doubts with fresh tears as evidence.

What…do I do? He did not even respond…is it…me? How do I…? Should I just let him get it out of his system?

She stayed that way for a while - she had no idea how long - until she felt the pressure and movement of a hand with five fingers on her back. It was a gentle and loving caress, and as it continued, she sniffled and raised her face to see him. What she saw finally gave her hope.

Tali, please forgive me. I love you so much, and I've caused you so much pain. In his mind, he was carrying her back to the Normandy, he was reaching to touch her mask, she was reaching to touch his hand, to hold on to each other.

"You've got to get out of here!" His voice was forceful, it was an order.

But it wasn't from Commander Shepard. This order had come from John Shepard.

Her saera.

And still she had protested.

"Don't…leave me behind…"

He smiled lovingly as he locked his eyes with hers, she saw pain there. She slowly moved her body to bring herself face-to-face with him.

"Hi, Miss vas Normandy. I'm…sorry about all of this. About…everything. What I just made you go through." His voice remained barely above a whisper. Contemplating, he added "I'm sorry if…I hurt you by…leaving you behind."

Without a thought, she pressed her mask to his forehead. "Shhh, John. It's okay. It's over with now. Besides…you came back to me. And we've had a lot going on, haven't we? We'll figure it out. Together. Just…please don't push me away. Don't be a bosh'tet to me." He felt her smile with the last sentence.

He flashed a half-smile of his own at her - that stupid half-smirk that she had found so enchanting. "I know we will, Tal. It's just that there's…a lot going on up here." He raised his eyes, in a clear indication of where exactly he had "a lot going on".

She squeezed his hand and let out a light laugh. "Well, my capt-…wait a second. 'Tal'?" She sat up and placed her hands on her hips, mockingly incredulous. "Are two syllables too much for you now?"

Shepard chuckled, which elicited a few coughs, a subtle reminder that "awake" was a far cry from "recovered". "Well, I am recovering. I need to conserve energy…and my voice isn't in great shape. I hope you don't mind." He turned his head away from her and coughed loudly, proving his point.

"Bosh'tet. You do what you have to do, John. But it is a shame that your name is only one syllable as it is; it deprives me of giving you some silly 'shortened' nickname myself."

He stifled a laugh this time, trying to avoid another coughing fit. "Tali," he beckoned her toward him, a request which she was happy to oblige. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into a tight embrace as she crawled completely into the bed alongside him. He began to rub her back again as she laid her head against his neck. "I know I'm not the only one dealing with…some things," she stiffened ever so slightly as he said this, before quickly relaxing again. "Because I can feel you. But, just know that I'm also here for you. We're a team, you and I. We'll get it straightened out, okay saera?"

She absolutely loved it when he used the Khelish term, which as far as John could tell, loosely translated as "soulmate". It not only affirmed his love for her, but to hear it in her own tongue gave her a warmth that she could not have otherwise felt. It added a depth to his feelings for her for which there was no true human equivalent. Silently, she nodded her head in acknowledgment as she remained pressed against him.