Iason has some feelings of his own eating at him, he decides to open up about some of his past.
Iason kept fidgeting. He needed to come out, to explain his actions earlier that month. Maybe not so much while they were taking down the Halloween decorations, but he has been thinking about talking about doing this for a while. Talking about his nightmare. He won't be able to tell his partners everything, at least not right now…
It was hard to say it, even now… he was second-guessing himself. Wondering if he should say anything right now. Clearly, his mind was arguing against the idea.
But at the same time, he wanted to tell his partners something. He knows at the start it will be hard to say everything, but it'll help give his boyfriends the necessary information to understand why he snapped…
Why he was so emotionally distraught from his dream…
He hasn't told Leorio, let alone his foster parents any of this. Having Gon and Sakura by his side bought him out of his shell. They had been kind, understanding… Giving him the space to break his comfort zones.
They've only time ever pushed him when he needed a little shove. Like the moment Gon first kissed him…
His date with Gon…
Now that he thinks about it, it has been mostly Gon that has been pushing him out of his shell. He is thankful for everything the boy has done for and with him. Between the small talk and the intimacy, they've shared. They've all have shared…
He knows that Gon has yet to spend his first time with other, Sakura. But considering all that has happened recently, intimacy was the last thing on their mind.
They've instead been taking their time breaking down the walls he built, the ones he erected… that has been pushing the others away and protecting himself from the truth. Well, it's not that he wasn't pretending what happened in the past, never happened… It's that reliving the memories was painful to him.
Even now, he was conflicted with saying anything about that topic. In his dream, he envisioned his partners being older. Yet they didn't see any difference.
He doesn't understand that part of his dream… it'll take a while to do so. Maybe when he's older, that was what his mind saying, he'll eventually trust his partners with the complete information. Even though right now, he had complete trust in his partners with everything else.
He trusted them not to kick down his doors, to force him to open up when he wasn't prepared to do so…
To hurt him mentally or physically…
They had been open about their life, sure, they haven't told him everything… yet. But he has watched Sakura cry in secret with him, telling him about his biggest fear which was losing Gon… not being able to keep up with his boyfriend's need for adventure.
Right now, Sakura sees Gon as living a normal teen lifestyle, well… as normal as travelling the world, with the strength to bench press tons like they weighed nothing.
But the more he got to spend time with his partners, the less he could see Gon running the moment he got his Nen back. He wanted to be a part of their lives, regardless of whether he has access to his Nen or not.
He knows Sakura is still a little worried about the outcome, but he knows the boy was getting stronger. He was improving at a nice pace. He should probably get onto teaching his partner Ren.
Gon is already aware of his physical feelings, the main issue to why he hadn't taught Sakura Ren yet. But at the same time, he needs to make sure Sakura had reached a good point in Zetsu. It doesn't have to be perfect right now… but enough to count, and for him to know how his partner can improve.
Maybe he can get some alone time with Sakura, see how the boy is going. Not only that, he can spend time with his partner, to make up for all the time he had pushed his boyfriend away.
However, that was for later. What he needed to do right now, was focus on improving himself. Opening up with his partners, doing what they have already been doing for him. Yet, a small part of him was refusing to do the same for them. Now he wants to change that.
Pulling a ghost hanging from the ceiling, he decided to speak up… even though a part of him was continuously struggling against the idea "I wanted to talk about something with you… about me…" He didn't dare turn around, instead of looking at the puppet ghost, pretending as though he was monologuing to an inanimate object, not spilling his heart out to his lovers "It's about that dream."
Sakura stopped packing the decorations, looking towards his partner who had his back turned to them. Then he looked to Gon, who was equally concerned as he was. Iason meant the world to them. They didn't want Iason to break down, just because he was forcing himself to open up with them "Iason, you don't have to force yourself to say anything. It was less than a month ago… when you're ready, you can approach us individually if you'd like."
Iason shook his head, still refusing to turn around. He doesn't know if he'll burst into tears… All he knows is that he needs to say something "It's about the names written on the tombstone."
Sakura stood up, cautiously walking towards his partner. He needed to squeeze the boy's hand in reinsurance, to let him know that he can talk when he's ready, not because he feels like he should say something.
"It had my parents name on it…"
Sakura froze, unsure what to say, let alone react. Then he heard it, the beginnings of a whimper, a sniff followed by quiet sobbing. He picked up the pace, trying to reach his partner before the boy could break down, let alone continue the conversation.
Gon reacted on impulse, his expression hardening. He blanked out the moment he heard the sobbing, wanting to be by his partner's side in an instant. He was by Iason's side in a heartbeat, pulling the boy off the ladder into his arms.
Sakura felt it…
He saw it…
What Iason had described the moment he first felt Gon's Nen…
It was a suffocating strength, one that made him snap his head in Gon's direction the moment he felt it. All he caught a glimpse of, was a split-second of the moment. A spike of aura that was a bright, vibrant, orange glow. Sakura was genuinely scared.
He couldn't see any of Gon's steps, nor the moment the aura shift back to its dormant state. One second his aura roared to life, the next he was holding his sobbing boyfriend in his arms.
Iason didn't notice what had transpired, his back was turned and thoughts overwhelming him. The only thing he did notice, was when Gon held him in a warm embrace.
Sakura remembered Iason bringing it up, that he was scared to release Gon's aura due to its mass. In his partner's eyes, it was a giant storm of aura barely brewing. Now Sakura knew what Iason meant back then. If Gon was able to release his power now, with a click of his fingers… it could crush a city, easily.
Now he knows why Iason was telling them they should be going slow. Gon spending all those nights looking after his partner while he slept, didn't help the situation. He needed to speak with his partner once they have time, he was now just as concerned as his boyfriend.
However, right now that wasn't important…
It was Iason's happiness… his mentality. So, he approached the boy once more.
The moment Iason felt Gon holding him, his body relaxed into the touch. Shifting his body, he held the boy tightly, struggling to stop himself from wallowing in tears. It was a delicate topic he has been refusing to tell, until now "It's not the Paladiknights. It's… it's my biological parents. It involves where I was born… where they died." He sniffed loudly once more, unable to hold back the damn if tears from spilling any longer.
It was still hard to talk about "I… I can't…"
Sakura managed to reach his partner, although, not before the boy dropped to his knees alongside Gon. The boy continued to stroke their partner's hair and back, trying to stop the waterworks. He looked up at Sakura, pleading for the boy to help with calming their partner down.
Sakura dropped down to their level, hugging the boy from behind. Even though it stopped Gon from being able to stoke the boy's back, it didn't stop him from continuing to thread his fingers through their boyfriend's hair.
Sakura leads the conversation, he was good when it came to helping each other calm down, to slow down so they can stop and think about what they're going to say next "You really don't have to say anymore. It clearly still hurts to talk about it. Now we know a part of why your suffering. Sure, we don't know the whole story, but we understand you a little better. You shouldn't continue to tell us about it."
Gon hummed in agreement, "We know a part of your pain; it's more than enough. Please don't push yourself anymore…"
Iason shook his head, "I can't leave you with that…" He sniffed loudly, the tears and snot making it harder to sound clear "I want to tell you more."
Sakura shook his head, "When you're ready, not now…"
Iason smiled through the tears, eyes focusing on Gon's chest rather than looking up into one of his partner's eyes, "But I should… I need to…"
"Then we'll listen. Even if it hurts to watch you cry out in pain." Sakura cemented their feeling on the topic. Gon could agree with him there, that after having heard the boy burst into tears, hearing the boy continue to talk about his nightmare, the reason for his tears of pain was hard.
Gon parrot Sakura's thoughts on the matter, "We'll listen… even if it hurts."
"I can't tell you the reason why they were killed; at that time, I didn't know… I was too young. Even now, I still don't know. I was around three or four. I can't talk about how they died either… I didn't see, but I could hear it…" Iason paused, he wasn't ready to talk about that either. He just couldn't dig up the memories, but that didn't stop him from saying something else "I was born in the Republic of East Gorteau. Like Gon is aware…"
"They have strict rules…" on spoke softly. He remembers bits and pieces of what Killua said about the place, how cruel their punishments were, and what neighbours got if they ratted them out. Now knowing that Iason was born in that culture, knowing that his parents got punished…
Now he knew why the future of their shared dream wasn't possible…
Why they could never visit Iason's parents grave. It wouldn't exist. They would've been branded at traitors to the country, which would've resulted in their details being expunged.
He could see part of why Iason was so angry at them, why he didn't like being pressed for details. It was painful to revisit…
To talk about…
But Gon is a Hunter; he won't give up on trying to help his partner. His card should allow him to get into 90% of the world's country. Hopefully, the Republic of East Gorteau was one of those places. He doesn't know the rules about that place specifically, due to the fact at that time, they had to sneak in because of the Chimera Ants having taking over the country in secret.
But if he could get in… he could find any information of Iason's family… even if it's just a family picture. Bringing it to his boyfriend might help him recover from his internal pain… even if it's only a little. Yeah, one day I'll do this for Iason… but it'll be hard on my own. Maybe Killua and Daniel can help me out. Oh, but… I need to do this without any of my partners being aware; I could be gone for months. I'll need to think a little more about how to pull it off…
Gon wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, one arm around the neck, the other around his waist, his own tears now falling, "I'm sorry… We're so sorry… So sorry for putting you through this…"
Sakura did the same as his boyfriend, hugging the boy tightly without making him feel like he's suffocating. He gave the boy the necessary space if Iason ever felt like he needed to step away from them "We're REALLY sorry…"
Iason could only continue to sob into Gon's chest, unable to give any more details. It hurt so much, but his partners holding him… accepting that even though they won't be able to get the whole story, for now, they'll continue to hold him…
They'll continue to be by his side, whether he tells his story or not. That meant the world to him. He loves them for it…
He wants to continue to be a part of their lives forever, no matter what "I love you…" The words had slipped out of his mouth without a single thought. His cheeks brightening once he realised what he had done.
Sakura and Gon parroted the same feelings together, in perfect sync "I love you…"
Even though Iason's cheeks brightened further, hearing it meant so much to him right now. He needed to hear it, to ingrain the words in his mind. They love him…
They want him to be a part of their lives.
Through the thick…
The thin…
The painful…
The pleasurable…
The happiest…
The saddest…
And the memorable…
They want him as much as he wants them. He refuses to let go, to give up what he has built with his partners. Whether it be emotionally, physically, communicated or sexual, he wanted it all.
"Thank you… for listening to me…"
"Thank you for telling us." Sakura smiled into his boyfriend's back, "it means a lot to know you're willing to tell us this much. We do want to learn more about you, but when you're ready. Until then, thank you…"
Iason squeezed Gon. As he was about to let go, the boy gave him a peck on the lips. With flushed cheeks and tears still in his eyes, he was still able to smile as he let the boy go. Turning around he hugged Sakura, squeezing the boy as tightly as he did with Gon. He passed the kiss onto his partner, only this time it was on the boy's neck.
Sakura's smile widened. Even though he couldn't see it, he could feel it. He didn't want to voice it, considering Gon wasn't able to see it either. He'll accept the physical contact the boy had just shared with him, without flustered cheeks.
When Iason pulled away, he was still smiling… he felt like a part of the weight holding him down had been lifted. He still has a lot more to talk about. The orphanage, Kaiba… His biological parents, at least from what he could remember… Ryker…
But he didn't need to right now. He can reveal it at his own pace, one that doesn't leave him feeling stressed or full of sadness all the time. A piece here, a piece there until he has said everything he can. He wants to reveal this information to his partners…
It'll make him feel at peace…
Once he's able to feel comfortable telling them everything, maybe he can tell others; those he's prepared to tell his story to.
Leorio…
His foster parents…
Maybe even Gon's and Sakura's closest friends, Daniel and Killua. But first, he needs to get past the fact Daniel somewhat looks like Ryker.
"Again, thank you for listening to me…"
Sakura held Iason's hands in his palms "We're here for you, always remember that."
Gon rubbed his boyfriend's shoulder, trying to entice his partner to look at him. When Iason glanced in his direction, the boy directed him in the direction of the decorations still hanging, "How about we get the remaining decorations down, then we can cuddle under the blankets with a cup of hot chocolate."
Iason looked down at the floor, "Yeah… I'd like that."
The boy gripped his partner's shoulder tightly, offering him a bright smile that was sure to melt his heart. Taking his hand off the boy's shoulder, he returned to pulling down the decorations.
Sakura leaned in close to Iason, wanting to whisper in the boy's ear. But then he remembered about the boy's almost perfect hearing. Instead, the boy opted to hug his partner, "I'm glad you were prepared to tell us something about your past…"
Iason pats his partner's back, "I'm glad too…"
Returning to their earlier task, Iason found himself smiling widely. He was able to say something to his partners. He was able to open up to them. Not only did they listen to him, but they were also prepared to wait for however long it takes for him to completely open up to them.