It had taken every bit of strength to let her go.

He had woken up to another beautiful winter's morning, not really sleeping as much as he should have. He had tossed and turned, slept in fits and spurts in between the times that his mind wasn't focused on the worrying. He was a man who was accustomed to being in control - total control - of whatever situations he found himself in. Even this, this postwar recovery, left him some measure of control. In it, he could control his physical exertion, he could control how to occupy his time when he had it to spare. Here, he could focus his energy on a productive purpose. Perhaps he still could, but when all he had to do was sleep or think about things that were decidedly not in his control? Well needless to say, getting sleep did not win out. No, that was not a purpose productive enough for his conscious mind to let go of everything else. Instead, he had found himself caught hazily between memory and nightmare. He thought of that rescue mission that had clearly been a Geth ambush. But this time, his plan had failed. His biotic barrier hadn't held. Chatika hadn't brought down the shielding around the other Geth.

Shepard's warp had left that Prime completely unfazed.

Garrus had missed the killing shot on said Prime.

And then he had watched helplessly, the life draining from his body, as the Prime stalked up to Tali and, with both of its "hands" around her abdomen, lifted her a meter off the ground. The sound of her scream was choked off as the Prime crushed her in its grasp, her arms and legs flailing, trying and failing to escape a certain death. Ghoulishly, it turned its insidious red light to him.

It spoke to him with the voice of a demon.

"Shhhepppaaard…does this uuuuuunit have…a soooooouuuul?"

It did not wait for a response. With its red light trained on him, it proceeded to finish the job. Resuming its work on Tali, it continued to crush her like an old fizz can. She screamed in agony as he heard her ribs splinter and -

"Fucking hell…" he had whispered between heavy, wheezing breaths as the images forced his mind to fully awaken. The sweat was beading on his forehead, and pooling in his eyebrows. It had taken a herculean effort to not jostle the sleeping quarian as his body had wanted to sit fully upright. He had acutely felt his complete lack of control within that half-baked memory of a nightmare.

Just like he did now.

Tali had of course been sleeping with her head on his chest and a shapely, muscular leg draped across his middle. Thankfully, she had only stirred a little during this entire mental fiasco. She squeezed herself somehow even closer to him. The sight of her had only made it more difficult for him to try to do what was required like a fully-grown adult male (and savior of the galaxy, some might have said); to "be a man" about this.

With that in mind, he had indeed found the strength to do a fair number of things that at the time had seemed quite impossible.

To let her out from his arms.

To let her get out of the bed.

Then, he had gone down to the base with her, he and his cane. They had had breakfast with Liara and Garrus. He had shaken a few hands and given a few hugs to the men and women who couldn't believe that they were in the presence of absolute legends.

He couldn't believe that he had had the strength for that particular feat.

Then, he had joined them in the armory to grab their gear.

Garrus had eyed him suspiciously, knowing that something was up with his former commander.

"Shepard, are you sure you're going to be okay?" Garrus had clearly noticed that he was struggling this morning.

He looked around tentatively. Seeing Tali discussing which heavy pistol to take as part of their weapons loadout with Liara on the far side of the room, he responded in a quiet voice.

"Honestly, Garrus? I don't feel like it, ya know? It's just…hard this morning." He frowned. "I told her last night that things were going to be fine, and I know that - I do - but it's still not easy."

The turian responded sympathetically. "I understand, Shepard. You're used to being in command, in control. But I promise we'll take care of her." He placed a hand on his shoulder. "You know that, right? We'll get her back to you. And besides," he added with an air of obviousness, "you know she has a shotgun, right?"

The now-retired admiral looked at the floor and sighed. "Yeah, I know that Garrus. Believe me, I know that. But after all of this…"

Another long sigh. "I don't know. I'll deal with it." He produced a small reassuring smile for his friend. "Seriously, Garrus. I'll be fine." He stole a quick glance over to Tali, who was now laughing with Liara about something. "Just try not to take too long. I hate being bored."

"Oh?" He chuckled. "I'll be sure to let Tali know just what your big concern was."

Shepard punched him jovially in the shoulder. He opened his mouth -

"Shepard, don't say it."

A big shit-eating grin spread across his face.

"Shepard, I told you not to -"

"Garrus," from behind the turian came the sweet sound of a particular quarian admiral, "fuck off."

The stoic turian faced Tali with as shocked an expression as he could muster.

Shepard snorted loudly as he was caught between the sheer audacity of her response, its suddenness, and the absolute perfect timing. Somewhere, Liara's laughter could be heard. He distinctly recalled telling Garrus once that if he really wanted to be funny, then it was the timing that mattered most.

It would appear that his quarian lover had been paying attention as well.

But eventually, they walked to the landing pad where the Malinor was staged. Shepard's feet had moved with the blinding speed of a frozen elcor.

It was then that he had almost not let her go.

But after what felt like the longest embrace they had ever shared (the logical part of his brain told him that this was not true), he had indeed finally let her go with an unsteady shuddering breath.

"I love you, Tali. Try not to get -"

She interrupted him. She knew it was difficult - for both of them. She was determined to at least be strong for him - just this once. "I love you, saera. I'll be fine. I'm a big girl now. And besides," Tali had given a glance to Garrus and Liara, who were already at the boarding ramp, "it's not like I don't have a good team."

He gave her hand a kiss. "I know. And they're not just a 'good' team. They're the best."

She smiled back at him. "See? We'll be back before you know it."

"Okay, but be careful."

"I will."

As she started to walk away, he yelled to her. "And try not to have too much fun!"

Tali had turned, taking a few backwards steps. "What? I can't hear you!"

She most certainly could, and they both knew it.

Eventually, she had turned and marched up onto the ramp and into the ship itself. The ramp lifted up to meet the hull, closing in on itself.

So he had just stood there, watching as the sleek ship slowly lifted off the platform. He watched as it rose into the atmosphere.

Watched until it was no longer there. Watched well after it was no longer there.

He'd even managed to keep it together for a little while longer. He kept it together until he got back to his room and sat patiently while they ran their scans. Kept it together while Miranda and one of the other doctors (he couldn't remember his name) asked him about how he was feeling, what hurt (his fucking heart) and what didn't. He'd even kept it together when Miranda had asked him - finally as his friend again - how he was doing.

And then, once they had left, after Miranda had once again implored him to call her if he needed anything - "Even if it's just another ear to talk to, Shepard" - he could not hold it together any longer. He lost containment.

The center did not hold.

He didn't even try to hold it.

Fuck the center, and fuck holding it.

It was just about noon when John woke back up to a moist pillow. Groggily, he reached for the woman who was not there, and of course felt nothing but an empty bed.

Then he panicked.

Tali! Ohshitohshitohshit

Oh…wait.

Mission. Malinor. Garrus; Liara.

He let out a slow, uneven breath, coughing afterward.

Yes, his heart ached. But, he was John D. Shepard, former admiral in the Alliance Navy, N7 marine, and a "real goddam hero" according to that great sage and intrepid mercenary, Zaeed Masani. So he did what he had always done: he soldiered on. He tucked the pain of his missing half deep within himself, knowing that she would return and was with the same people that he himself would trust with his own life.

Tali would be fine; he would be fine.

Besides, Admiral Shepard (Ret.) had things to do. And it was about time he got around to doing them.

"Admiral Raan, it is a pleasure to see you again."

Before him stood the blue-tinged suited visage of Shala'Raan vas Tonbay. She was clearly pleased to see him.

"Admiral John'Shepard, the pleasure is mine." He noted the emphasis on his new and former rank. "Although, I must ask: how?"

He smiled at her question; he figured that it would be coming. "Well, admiral, let's just say that I had my commander looking out for me."

She tilted her head in what John would recognize as a smile on almost any quarian. "That's very good, admiral. It comforts me knowing that there are others looking out for you in such a way. But, how are you doing? I see that you are using a cane, are you able to get around well?"

He thought about it for a moment, deciding that it really wasn't a problem using it. "I get around well enough, admiral. I'm told I won't need it forever." He paused before deciding to actually ask the question that had struck him earlier. "I have to say, I did not expect to see 'vas Tonbay' in your message. Not 'vas Rannoch'?"

She laughed. "Of course you would have noticed that, John'Shepard. My Tali is rubbing off on you." He smiled at the idea that Raan could tell such a thing. She continued. "But to answer your question, I have chosen to remain aboard my ship until all of our people have had a chance to settle. I would not be much of a leader if I put myself in some office when it could be used to house an entire family. No, I will remain on board for now."

Once again, he marveled at the selflessness of the quarian people, and at this woman who had helped raise the woman he loved.

"I'm not at all surprised, admiral. I'm sure it is appreciated." He watched the slight tilt to her head.

Something has her annoyed, maybe the other admirals? Something in the way that she had said that.

"But, if you don't mind, I'd like to get to the reason that I asked for this conversation. Tali has told me a little bit about what's been going on, so I'm sure that you're very busy."

"Thank you for your courtesy, John'Shepard." He wondered if it would be rude to tell her that she could drop the "John" part of the name. He'd have to ask Tali about it some time. After all, he couldn't have every quarian on Rannoch greeting him by his entire name in that pauseless way that they do.

"Of course. So, I wanted to ask you about…quarian…um…weddings." As he spoke, it felt to him as if every word became progressively heavier, or slower, like cold molasses. In a last ditch effort to save him from certain embarrassment, his mind screamed at him that it was crazy asking Raan about this. But, it was too late for that.

Cat's out of the bag now.

Her head tilted in confusion. "I am sorry, my translator did not pick up that last word. Could you say it again?"

He smirked.

Because of course.

"I wanted to ask you about quarian," he paused, trying to determine which word he could use that would act as a proper synonym, "…bonding." He'd decided to not even bother with any kind of synonym and go straight for a word that he knew the translator would have handled, and that she would have recognized.

Raan's eyes noticeably widened at the word. That one her translator had had zero problem with.

"Keelah, it is true." John interrupted her as she paused.

His face flushed. Had he overstated somehow? "Wait, how did you…? What is true?"

Another obvious smiling head tilt. "You know, when I read your initial message to me, I thought quite a lot about the things that I had noticed between you and my Tali. It was obvious that you cared for her, and she for you. As time had gone on, I thought that it was very likely that you two had started bonding. I had not been sure if such a thing was possible - as you are not quarian - but as usual, you defy expectation."

He was taken aback by all that she had said, and he almost forgot why he had called her in the first place. "Well admiral, in this case, I am very happy to have done so. Tali and I have discussed quarian bonding quite a bit, and to be honest, I'm still not sure I completely understand everything. She tells me that I do, but I'm not sure how honest she's being with me. Sometimes I think she's just trying to make me feel better." He let out a light chuckle before turning more serious. He swallowed; his throat had somehow become quite parched. "But I will say that there are things that occur between us…that I cannot attribute to anything except that."

"Well, John'Shepard, you definitely have my attention now." She shook her head in laughter. "I will have to ask you of this in person, of course. When you arrive on Rannoch with my dear Tali on your arm, I think."

He grinned at the thought, despite himself. "Yes, I think I'd like that. But as for the question at hand - is there a ceremony or rite to formalize a bonding, say to other quarians, that makes it official? There are many human customs regarding such things, so I'm not sure how to…well, let's just say that I want to get this right."

She placed her hand under her vocalizer, apparently in the universal gesture for being deep in thought. "Hmm. There is a ceremony, yes, but we have not used the formal rite in three centuries, not since we left Rannoch. What we have done since is a very simple thing. The two people to be recognized as bonded would come before the commanding officer of their ship, be confirmed as truly bonded, and then the captain would enter the change into the ship's log. Although, as I think on it, the formal rite was not too much more elaborate than what currently passes for a ceremony."

He blew out a long breath and rubbed his forehead as he thought about her words. All her explanation did for John was to remind him of what Tali's people had suffered through for damn near three centuries. He cursed the council for their stubbornness and their quarian ancestors for getting them into this mess in the first place. "That's it? Well, would it be too much to bring back a tradition or two then?" He had actually asked this in complete seriousness, he really wanted to try to bring some pre-Morning War traditions back.

For a moment he feared that he might have been a bit too forward.

Shala apparently disagreed because she was laughing again. "Oh, you are more than I may have bargained for! And I think also…that perhaps you are correct. It…has been too long for a many number of things, I think."

He smirked at her. "Admiral, I would very much appreciate it if you could send any information my way; about traditions, customs but…" He paused, and smiled at her with the look that he only got when he was about to do something a bit ridiculous. "I, uh, had done some research, before the final battle, about some of your customs. Well, tried to because, as I'm sure you're aware, there's precious little information; and what information I could find wasn't exactly 'trustworthy'. So I didn't know what customs to observe, or traditions, or -"

Shala mercifully interrupted him with a good-natured laugh. "Keelah, you are as bad as Tali'Zorah! Calm down. Just say it."

He knew that she was smiling at this, his display of nervousness. He took a deep breath before continuing. He sounded much calmer when he did.

"Okay, what I was trying to say was that I had an idea, to maybe introduce a little 'human touch' to this. Again, since I couldn't find anything to go by. For many of our…bondings, or at least our equivalent, humans use rings to symbolize their commitment to one another. Normally, these rings are made from a valuable metal - gold or platinum maybe - but I had a friend," for a brief instant, the pain of EDI's end flashed across his face, "who gave me a gift once, that I found somewhat inspiring."

He pulled a small box from the inside of his N7-branded jacket, and held it tightly in his hand. He held it so tightly, in fact, that its corners actually bored their way painfully into his hand. For a moment, after relaxing his death grip, he simply looked at the box. His eyes were unfocused and he heard his heart beat loudly in his ears.

Okay John. You can do this.

"Was it worth it?"

He shook his head to clear the painful memory from his brain.

"Admiral," He began before he was interrupted by his quarian counterpart.

"Pardon me John'Shepard, but if I may, I believe that you may call me 'Shala'. I think that, with all that we have discussed, we can be on a - I believe your Admiral Hackett said once - 'first name basis'. We have long passed the point when that is acceptable. But, do please keep it professional among others."

John grinned at her. "Admir-," he caught himself. "Shala, I appreciate that very much. And I will of course keep it professional when required. And you may simply call me 'Shepard', it's what I go by when I am among friends."

She tilted her head slightly. "Is that so?" She said nothing more, as if those three words were enough to convey her meaning. With the way that John was able to perceive quarian body language and vocal cues at this point, it was more than enough.

Once again, he held the little box in front of him, but this time he opened it, presenting to her its contents. "Shala, a friend of mine gave this to me shortly before the final battle. She told me that this is a 'Victory Ring'. There was a jeweler on the Citadel that made them. They were constructed from metals found on the homeworlds of each council member. So this ring is made from parts of Earth, Palaven, Thessia, and Sur'kesh. But it gave me an idea." He closed the box, placing it back into the safety of his jacket pocket. "When it was given to me, Earth was still Reaper-controlled and…I didn't know if I would ever see it again…as a free world." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Shala still listened intently, dismayed by his memory, but more than a little curious to see where he was going with this. "And the first thing I thought of when I saw this again was 'Keelah Se'lai'." Shala's head tilted noticeably at the mention of the quarian phrase. "Because I guess, that when it was given to me, Earth was the homeworld that I wished to see one day. And…I didn't know if I ever would." John looked away for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts once again. "And, now that I have, well…" his tone changed noticeably then. Gone was the forlorn, dreamlike voice that had punctuated his words. It was instead replaced with a voice that held power and conviction. "Frankly Shala, Earth may be my homeworld, but it was never going to be my home. To be honest, it hasn't been that for me for a long time." Secretly, he hoped that she would understand his meaning. He realized that there was a chance that his words would not be taken kindly considering who was hearing them. "I have nothing here. I left what life I had here when I joined the military. For a long time, I really didn't have a home." Fuck, he thought, I heard my own words in Tali's voice. "Earth may be where I'm from, Shala, but it isn't my future." Again he paused, trying to find the nerve to say what every fiber in his being was screaming to be true. "I think that…I think that maybe Rannoch is. Taliis my home. She belongs on Rannoch, her home; and with her is where I belong."

He looked up again at Shala, with a look that told her that what he had said had been incredibly honest, and incredibly difficult for him to say. Especially to her. That he had said it at all told her even more about the man's character.

He laughed at himself; he didn't quite believe that he had admitted as much to her.

"I guess I should get to the point," he smiled at his lack of brevity, "I wanted to forge rings, or the quarian equivalent, made of metals from both of our worlds - Earth and Rannoch - to symbolize our union, and so that we would each have a bit of our homeworld with us. As a reminder of where we're from, but also as a reminder of who we are, forged together as one." He let out a worried, shaky breath.

When she didn't respond at first, he thought that the feed might've been cut, or worse, that he'd overstepped.

"Idiot alien" and all that.

"Shala, you're going to have to help me out here. Please tell me that I did not just manage to disrespect Tali, yourself, and the entire quarian people." It was a plea wrapped within a bit of concocted humor. It might have been hyperbole to think those things, but he couldn't help himself.

When she finally did respond, her tone was warm, and he thought there was quite a bit of emotion behind it. "Shepard, before our exile, we would present our bondmates with what was called the 'pal'tec vis surden', it was a medallion of sorts that we would wear as a symbol of our own bondings." She sighed forlornly. "But that was a long time ago, when we had the luxury of using resources for such things, and over time, I'm afraid that the art of its creation has been lost to us, although its design remains. We still make them, of course, but the medallions we create now are crude and obtuse by comparison. Passable for the circumstances of our people, but they are but shades of what we once created. It is perhaps just another casualty of the war, I fear." Her gaze had steadily trailed downward as she had explained this…medallion to him. It was as clear an indicator to the deeply-entrenched sorrow as any he would ever see. "What you have described, these rings, sounds like a very close approximation of that medallion, or at least what it symbolized. It was a symbol of the two becoming one, of their past and future lives together. I am humbled and grateful that someone such as yourself has thought of such a thing with no knowledge of what we have lost."

Still hearing the pulsing bass of his blood in his ears, John was about to apologize for inadvertently dredging up such sorrowful memories. Shala resumed before he could begin.

"I believe that in time, Shepard, the art of this will return to our people." Noticing the slump in his shoulders (likely at his inadvertent reminder of their centuries-long plight), she quickly reassured him. "But Shepard, do not think that your…interpretation of the pal'tec vis surden is any less worthy than the original. It is a remarkable substitute for our custom, and also is uniquely suited to your bonding." The quarian admiral paused, considering for a moment. "Perhaps one day, Tali will have both."

Shepard was visibly relieved. He felt like he had taken a hell of a chance with such a bold proposition - especially from an alien. An alien who had also happened to have had the audacity to fall so completely in love with one of their admirals.

John bent over, hands on his knees as he let out a long sigh of relief. He was rewarded with a nasty fit of coughing for his efforts. Doubled over, he held a finger up to Raan, gesturing that he just needed a moment. When he had stopped he gave her a wan smile.

"Keelah, Shepard! Are you all right?"

He nodded a few times to prove his point as the coughing fit subsided. "Yes Shala, thank you. I'm told that I'm always going to have trouble with that now." He shrugged it off. "I'll be okay. I figure that it's a small price to pay to still be here for her."

"On that, Shepard, we will never disagree."

"So I guess my next question is about how we make this happen. I'll be honest, I know nothing about metals - precious or otherwise - on Rannoch. Is there something that holds special significance?"

The quarian thought for a moment with her head cocked and her fingers interlocked. "Hmm, there is…something. You may find this to be a strange suggestion, Shepard. On Rannoch, there is an animal we call a lemek. It is a small, but lithe and resilient creature. It is covered in metallic scales, and our artisans had worked with them for centuries before our diaspora." She paused, considering that her last statement was actually irrelevant. "More importantly, these rings will not be difficult to forge. I believe that it will embody the spirit of this bonding quite nicely. What do you think?"

To be honest, he didn't know what to think. Just what the hell was a lemek? He'd never heard of such a thing, which of course was unsurprising. But he, being the ignorant alien, could not argue with Shala. She clearly wanted to see this go well.

"Shala, I have no idea what a 'lemek' is, but if you think that it will be perfect, then I believe you. Can you send me information about it? I'll need to use a metal here that has a similar melting point, and -"

He saw her head tilt in a smile. "Shepard, do not worry. This is the easy part. A small amount of gold will do just fine. I am familiar with this metal, and it holds similar properties. And also, I think it will look lovely together."

Clearly, he was relieved. "I can't thank you enough. I'll procure some and have it shipped to Rannoch as soon as I can. Shouldn't be too hard, right?" A beat passed when he thought of something else. "And do you think that two chains could be made to act as a necklace? To wear them around our necks? Just the rings would normally be fine, but I don't think Tali would want to wear it over her suit." He rubbed his forehead tiredly.

She laughed sympathetically. "Shepard, you are worrying too much about this. Keelah, I know that our suits make them impractical, and that you would not want to make Tali feel self-conscious about this. So, yes, I'll have them made to be worn on a chain, until a time comes - Ancestors willing - when we won't need these suits any longer."

He thought of something else that now made the chain more practical. "You know Shala, I don't even know her size? Which finger would she wear it on? And does it -"

"Shepard," she interrupted him again and smiled because he reminded her so much of Tali, "when the time comes, that is when we will worry about that."

He snorted a small laugh. "I'm normally more composed than this, you know."

"Considering what I do know, I believe it. But Shepard, this is going to work. Do not worry."

Not for the first time, he was relieved that Shala was on their side.

Also not for the first time, he felt incredible guilt that the Geth had been taken away from them. Without their help, the quarians would likely be stuck in their suits for far longer than they'd hoped.

"Shala, thank you so much. I'll have a parcel of gold sent to you on the Tonbay as soon as I can." With a subtle smirk, he added, "Preferably before we arrive on Rannoch." Then, for as much energy as he had had for this entire exchange, he now felt impossibly tired. Perhaps he had overextended himself today. He now looked at her with the full force of the fatigue that he was feeling on his face. It was as if, now that this weight had been lifted off of him, he could drop his guard. The quarian admiral's eyes widened slightly at the sight. He had been using so much strength to hold himself together, as she remembered that he was doing this while still very injured and without his own saera near him. "I…I'll be in touch with the details, okay?"

"Shepard, you worry too much. Just send me the gold to use, and I'll take it from here. So go. Get some rest."

He instinctively straightened himself, reaching for his cane and then standing almost to full attention. She was still an admiral. "I…think I'll do that. Thank you again. I'll be in touch. Goodbye, Shala."

"Keelah Se'lai, Shepard."

And with that, his plan was in motion and Shala'Raan was firmly on board.

Now he needed to go lie down.

By the time Shepard had returned to the hospital, the trees and buildings that were normally bathed in the warm amber light of an earthen sunrise were now being cast in shadow. Outside, the noises of reconstruction - cranes, vehicles, occasionally crashing debris - were starting to wind down. The world, much as it had since time immemorial, was preparing to shut itself down - to rest and recharge. This change went largely unnoticed by the single occupant in room 407. Nor did he pay heed to the faint metallic hymn set off by nearby church bells. Even in 2186, some traditions lived on. When he finally looked up from the holoprojection on his omnitool to stretch the muscles in his neck and upper back did he finally pay the bells any mind. He glanced at the date on the omnitool itself: 25-12-2186.

He huffed a sharp breath through his nose. "Merry Christmas, Tali." It was an empty room that heard him, and it was its silence that responded. That silence, he thought, had somehow matched his own forlorn tone. Outside his room, through the hallway, he definitely heard the faint sound of what he presumed to be nurses (almost certainly the human ones) singing a throaty rendition of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen". He sniffed and shook his head idly.

Even after all of this, they find something to believe in.

Shepard huffed a rueful chuckle.

Even after all of this, they still have something to believe in.

He thought of Ashley. Her devotion to her faith was equal parts (to him, at least) inspiring and confusing. He supposed that he had been lukewarm on his belief in such things. The longer that the Reaper War had gone on however, he had definitely begun to lean in the "Nope, not buying it" camp. He could tolerate an argument for "divine providence" that had led to him being able to lead the fight against the Reapers. What he could not reconcile was the idea that a god - especially The God - had allowed this slaughter to have occurred over the course of countless millenia. There is no benevolent god that would have allowed such a thing as the Reapers' Cycle to have occurred in the first place, let alone the countless times that it had already occurred.

But he did not press this onto Ashley. It was never his place to tell others what to believe, not when he lacked definitive, irrefutable proof.

Reapers notwithstanding, of course.

There's your fucking evidence, Ashley, he had thought ruefully on more than one occasion.

Sighing, he returned to his search for reputable providers of precious metals. He'd had no luck yet, and had gotten dismayed, which led him to distraction, which had led him to think of Tali.

His missing half.

He'd thought of messaging her - text at first, of course - and had decided against it. He rationalized that she had enough to worry about, to plan for, without her lovesick saera bothering her every twenty minutes.

"So why don't you just call her?"

The voice was not his, and his head darted to face the source. It had come from Tali's chair, which was now placed in the corner of the room, and its huskiness was immediately familiar. A smile crossed his lips, as he watched its owner appear to materialize in front of him. The familiar hood and marking under her lips gave away her identity instantly.

"Hello, Kasumi," he smiled, now that the surprise had worn off.

"Hey, Shep!" She was still as cheerful as ever. Immediately, she walked toward him as Shepard himself arose to greet her with a hug.

After releasing her, he held her at arm's length, appraising the thief. "Kasumi," he started, his voice serious, "I was worried about you. I was afraid that I wouldn't see you again." He studied her carefully, and thought that even from what he could see…was that…was she blushing?

"Shep, don't give me that. You'll make me blush." She dropped her head in a fit of bashfulness. "I'm not used to people worrying about me, well except…"

He released his grip, indicating that she should take a seat back in the chair. As she did so, he quietly closed the door to the room before sitting back on the bed. He crossed his arms in front of him.

'Kasumi, what's going on? How have you been? How did you make it?" He asked these questions excitedly - he was genuinely thrilled to see the charming thief alive and well. He added one more, deliberately and with honest and obvious curiosity. "And who are you used to having worry about you?" This last question was delivered with a curious grin.

She looked at the floor tentatively, before meeting his eyes with a serious expression on her face. "I just thought I'd stop by because..." She had started to say something, then stopped abruptly. Her gaze was centered on the floor immediately in front of her. He did not miss the subtle shiver that ran down her body. After a stuttering breath, she found the words. "Shep, look…I almost didn't make it. The Reapers were at the station…where we were building the Crucible."

The blood drained from Shepard's face at the revelation. He swallowed hard. Once more, he was reminded of just how close they had come to destruction. How close so many of his friends, and this one in particular, had come to death.

Maybe divine intervention, Skipper?

"Fuck…" was the only response he could muster. It was a whisper.

"The escort fleet managed to get the Crucible to the relay with the rest of the fleets, obviously…but we only managed to evacuate just in time." Her hooded face looked at the floor again. Her voice became a whisper. "Some of us survived, but most of us didn't. Including David Archer. Shepard…he saved my life."

His throat was dry now, and he had to let out a cough before speaking. "Kasumi, I'm sorry. I…didn't know."

She ignored the obviousness of what he had just said. She spoke as if he hadn't spoken at all. "C'mon, Kasumi.' That's what David said to me before he pulled me up off the floor - I had slipped - and threw me onto that shuttle with him." She gave him a piercing stare, and Shepard wasn't sure if she was looking at him, or looking through him. "Shepard, he was so brave. But we…we crashed. And…he didn't…" She trailed off, unable to find the words. Or, if she had found them, she was unable to say them aloud. He watched a single tear slide down her face.

Fuck me, the hits just keep coming. When will this war actually feel like it's over? He felt the burden as if she might have been his own child. For Kasumi? Probably never.

Clearly, this was no longer the Kasumi that he had known during the Collectors mission. This was a broken woman, recovering from a hellish experience - one of countless such experiences felt throughout the galaxy, he reckoned. Superficially, she remained the same - cute, quiet, happy-go-lucky - but here, in this moment? No, this was someone who was very damaged; and she was now looking for answers from one of the few people that had ever offered her any without strings.

He let out a long breath, before coughing a little bit. "Kasumi, David was a good man. He saved your life because he cared about you; he was your friend. And whatever happened after, well…sometimes those things just…happen." He frowned deeply at the thought of those that he had lost. "I'm sorry that I don't have anything more comforting than that to offer you." She nodded slowly, forlornly.

She still kept her eyes on the floor as she brought her knees to her chest, hugging them tightly to her. It was something he had seen Tali do a number of times during those private moments throughout the war. He frowned at the thought of his Tali - and now his friend Kasumi - trying to rectify the shitty state of the universe with a heart that was too kind to have been subjected to such things.

She remained that way for some time, quiet and contemplative. Shepard said nothing; working this out was something that she would have to do on her own terms. After a time, he watched what he could see of her face change, like she was on the precipice of an epiphany. "Shep, how did you do it? How did you keep it together?"

He gave her a sad smile with a little laugh. "Kasumi, I don't know what you've heard about the 'great' Commander Shepard, but I most certainly did not 'keep it together'. Not by myself, anyway." He remembered how difficult it had been without Tali. The nightmares, the heartache, the anger that constantly bubbled under the surface - it had threatened to consume him. He walked over to stand beside her, and placed a hand on her shoulder as he leaned against the wall. "The only way I got through any of it was because of my friends. Yeah, the crew did what needed to be done, but for this," he tapped his temple for emphasis, "for my sanity, I needed my friends. And they didn't fail me. Not once." He hadn't lied by not mentioning Tali specifically, because part of why he had been able to keep it together at all was because Garrus and Liara had been there. While they couldn't cure the consuming loneliness, they at least had allowed him to vent his frustrations with an understanding that kept him from blowing up at those that he could not afford to blow up at.

She had looked up at him as he spoke, before returning her eyes to the floor. "I guess I didn't quite realize how important they are, ya know?"

"Friends?"

Kasumi let out a long sigh, followed by a mirthless little laugh. "Yeah. You guys were the first real friends I'd had in a long time." She looked at him with shining eyes. "I mean, who else would have taken me to Hock's place and not only help me get Keiji's gray box, but then take the bastard out for good measure?"

He laughed. "Well, I think that had more to do with some biotic idiot commander you knew, who had a 'contractual obligation', and not just because he was your friend." He gave her a reassuring smile. "But, he was your friend, too."

She patted his hand and added ruefully, "I know, Shep. I know."

They chatted for a little while as Shepard filled her in on how they had won.

He told her about Anderson.

"Nante kotta, Shepard!" Her hands had flown to her mouth before she had given him another hug. "I am so sorry…I don't know what to say. How did…?"

He then told her about the Catalyst. The Reaper AI.

Choices.

He then told her of his time until Tali found him on the Citadel. She was, of course, taken by how he had spent the time with the Illusive Man's VI. Taken with what he had done to pass the time. It was time to kill with repairs under way.

"Shep," she started with genuine wonder and…awe in her voice, "that is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Even if it is kinda ya know, creepy, all things considered. You spent that whole time talking about her?" She chuckled. "Goodness Shep, there's 'love', and then there's whatever it is that you and Tali have."

He blushed despite himself. He knew that it was nothing to be ashamed of, and it wasn't "shame" that he felt, nor was it embarrassment. To him, it felt like trying to take pride in something that, for him, was as natural as breathing. It was effortless.

Loving Tali was as easy for him as anything he could think of.

"Heh, yeah Kasumi. Her voice was the only thing that kept me there, the only thing that gave me purpose," his voice became softer, swimming in the sea of memory, "and when I had to…be brought back to consciousness, it was her voice, and the vision of her in my mind that made me keep going." He paused, his eyes growing distant. She knew that in this moment, he was here, but not here. "She's the only reason I even got up in the first place." He caught himself quickly as he remembered something. "But it was actually you that got me home." She gave him a very confused look. He cut her off before she could even ask. "I'll explain. The only reason that they even knew I was alive - and where to find me - was because of a little trick that you showed me."

Realization dawned on her. "You used Avina, didn't you."

He smiled broadly. "Yes, that is exactly what I did." He pointed at her happily. "You taught me, and Tali forced me to practice. So yeah, thank you Kasumi. You helped bring me home."

"Shepard…that really is just…incredible. You're welcome, by the way." She shook her head in a mix of happiness, wonder, and disbelief. "I'm so glad that you two have each other."

"Yeah, so am I."

A thought struck him.

"Kasumi…you haven't actually asked me about Tali." He crossed his arms in mock indignation. "Why is that?"

A sly grin spread from under her hood. "Because she's not here, Shep," she said with obviousness before letting out a small giggle and continuing, "She and Liara and…Garrus are on their way to a Geth ship."

He realized two things in that statement: she'd been hanging around here for a while, and there was something up between she and Mr. Vakarian.

"That's quite a bit of 'need to know' information you have there. So, just how long have you been on Earth?"

"Oh, long enough to know a few things." Another giggle. "I'm so glad that you and Admiral Raan get along, too."

The only thing he could do was laugh at the absurdity. Of course the great Kasumi Goto would know about literally everything.

Damn thief.

"Yes, Kasumi. So am I. What else do you know?"

"And that you're a retired Admiral now. It's about time."

He shook his head - he seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. "You don't miss a trick, do you?" He chuckled. "So, how much of that with Raan did you hear?"

This time, there was no giggle, no sheepishness. "Shep, I think that your idea is absolutely beautiful. I mean that. I think Tali is going to love it." She smiled broadly at him. "I know that they're not the 'plastic…?' whatever it's called, but I think it's more than good enough." She paused, contemplating. "I'm very happy that you took my advice to heart."

He cocked his head, unsure what she was talking about. "'Advice', Kasumi?"

"Yes, my advice. Don't tell me you've forgotten all of those conversations we had in the lounge? After all, I did tell you to be good to her."

He let out a laugh, remembering her warning when he came in to chat in the lounge of the Cerberus version of the SR-2. She had known even then.

"Yes you did, Kasumi. And not that I would've needed your warning, but I did take it to heart. And I'm glad that she has someone like you looking out for her."

If her face wasn't covered he would've seen the slight blush. She knew he was supposed to be glad, but Tali had been her friend, looking out for her hadn't been some kind of favor or job. "Yeah, well if she didn't have me, how would she have learned how to do that thing with her mou-"

His eyes widened as a memory flashed through his head - well, several memories, if he was honest. "Oooookay, Kasumi. I, uh…thanks, I guess?" His face was, once again, very red. And yet, he was also very grateful. He remembered thinking that Tali seemed to be much more "skillful" in that department than he had expected her to be.

Another laugh and a shrug. "What are friends for?"

And with that, before Shepard had been able to ask her about Garrus, or what her plans were, she cloaked herself again.

"Gotta run! See ya 'round, Shep," she rang cheerily as her voice echoed back to him from the hallway.

He simply shook his head as this very odd thief left in her typically odd fashion.