It was morning.
Keelah, it was that morning.
Tali had not slept well, much to her surprise and dismay. Which had led her to wander the halls in the dead of night, trying not to wake up John. Presumably, he was still sleeping soundly.
It was all Miranda's fault, of course. Well, not really. She was the catalyst (really, that's the word I'm using?) for Tali's current train of thought.
Damn wandering quarian.
Wandering mind, specifically.
She was walking the halls in very much the same manner as when she had first arrived, waiting for word that her saera was out of surgery. She was swimming deeply in thought about a fair number of things, pensive as this particular quarian tended to be.
Keelah, what do I do about the board?
She wasn't sure anymore. She'd been an admiral for nearly a year now, and while she was satisfied with what she'd accomplished, the journey to reach those accomplishments left her with a sour taste in her mouth. So much back-and-forth, so much stroking of egos, so much damn bullshit. Quarians were traditionally a very social people - even during life before their diaspora. As such, they were generally not given to flights of maddening introspection, and were happy to share their lives with others. For a long time, Tali had been the same way, but something had changed in her. Whether she could attribute it to her time aboard the Normandy, to her maturation as an adult and bonding to a human, to growing up as the daughter of Admiral Rael'Zorah, or to simply not being cut out to be an admiral, she could not say with certainty.
Being treated as a relative second-class citizen on the board certainly did not help.
That was the rub, Tali thought. All of the other nonsense she might have been able to deal with if she felt like what she did mattered, or was at least appreciated.
But maybe it wasn't about "appreciation", although that certainly was part of it. Was it more about "respect"? Again, Tali was not sure. Maybe it was more about "purpose", she realized. That was what she lacked, though respect was certainly a good part of it. Maybe it was purpose that they all lacked, in a way. More than that though, she realized that she was just tired. All of the expectation, all of the fighting - both on and off the battlefield - had finally pushed her to the edge.
If it hadn't been for her homeworld, she knew that she and John could have never gone back and she would still have easily been the happiest and luckiest girl in the entire goddamn galaxy.
Tali still didn't have an answer regarding the board, but she at least thought that she could put words to her feelings about it now. She thought that at least two of those words was "purpose" and "exhaustion". That was at least some progress, and a reasonable starting point.
As she wandered past the very same nursery that she'd encountered weeks earlier, she stopped once more to gaze past its window. Placing a longing hand against its glass, Tali let out a tremendous sigh. Her shoulders slumped defeatedly as she did so. She thought of Miranda and Oriana.
Even Miranda had a family.
"Even". Tali, what is that supposed to mean?
That's easy, she replied to herself by way of mental exercise, she had a bosh'tet of a father who manipulated her at the most basic genetic level, no mother, was a part of Cerberus, and yet somehow managed to still have someone who shares her blood. A family.
It was something that Tali did not have; and it was something that she would never be able to create.
After all of this, these last weeks and all of our progress, I won't ever be able to give him what he hasn't had in so long - a family. It's the least that he deserves, and I can't complete him in that way. Tali shook her head in dismay - both at the prospect and at the fact that she was dwelling on this after so many good things had occurred. Why am I so quick to convince myself that I'm not enough for him? Again, she had no answer. She knew it was an absurd thought - John had told her this until he was…'blue in the face'? Tali had no idea why humans would ever look like the asari, but she knew that it meant that he had told her something too many times. Is it because I love him so much that I don't think that he should…settle for me when he deserves to have absolutely everything?
Including a family of his own?
She thought further about the implication.
But why do I think that his soul has somehow "settled"? His soul found what it needed in me. Mine found what it needed in his.
Why is that not enough to convince me?
Once again, the familiar tears welled up inside her. How the hell could this still be so confusing?
Slowly and forlornly, her fingers trickled from the glass, one digit at a time. Turning away in dismay, those fingers were the last part of her to move to return to Room 407. She arrived just in time to catch the sunrise that John was already watching with his familiar cup of tea in hand. She noted the newly-pressed admiral's dress uniform draped across her chair as she entered.
He had watched her leave, of course. Tali was not nearly as stealthy as she might have hoped. Shepard had thought to say something, to let her know that he was awake and aware. But he didn't, choosing instead to believe that even a bonded quarian might need some time to herself. After all, they had a lot to digest, and he reckoned that she had quite a lot to work out for herself. Besides, he was acutely aware that some things just needed an internal ironing out.
Of course without her there, he had not been able to fall back asleep. So he'd laid there, wondering just how the next stage of his life was going to play out.
First order of business is to find a place to stay. Maybe Shala knows a place, or can get us a berth aboard one of the ships for the time being. Hell, I never had to punch Zaal, maybe he can help too. And, fuck me…
How, exactly, do I build a house?
We haven't even talked about where it'll be, or what kind, or rooms, or…well, anything. What does quarian architecture even look like? Would Tali even want quarian architecture? Do I just contract someone? Are there even materials to do this with? He thought of how much trouble he'd had to find even a kilogram of gold. He let out a long sigh. I never thought that this was going to be the hard part.
He sighed, rubbing his forehead in frustration.
Then the notification light on his omnitool started blinking.
- One New Message -
He tapped a few keys.
It was a message from Shala.
Hello Shepard. I just wanted to inform you that I received your package, and keelah! This is more than enough!
He smiled softly, thinking of his friend Kasumi. He reminded himself not to ask about how it got there so damn quickly. Maybe she'd kept her stash out that way this whole time?
I've also managed to acquire the other component - it was not difficult, thankfully.
I look forward to seeing you and Tali soon.
I'll have something for her, too.
And when you arrive, we'll talk privately.
- Shala
Well, he at least had that going for him.
He quickly typed a thankful reply and returned to his thoughts.
Ah, maybe I'm worrying too much. I'm sure that there's space for us somewhere. We'll talk about this on our way to Rannoch. We'll get a gameplan together. We'll figure this out, like we always do.
He looked at his omnitool again - it was 6:21. Sunrise would be starting soon, and he didn't want to miss it. After all, it would likely be the last earthen sunrise he would see for a long time.
Which was fine by him.
When he returned from the kitchen with his tea, he was surprised to find clothing wrapped in plastic hanging on a hook behind the door. Immediately, his heart skipped a beat; he knew what this was. Hackett had worn something very similar.
An admiral's dress uniform.
This was it. It was real. And it finally hit him.
He set his cup down on the window sill and removed the plastic. His fingers shakily ran along the soft fabric, feeling the insignia, the bars adorning it that designated his new rank…it was surreal. He let out a long breath, placing the new threads across Tali's chair. Grabbing his tea, he returned to the window. New uniform or not, he was not missing this sunrise. But he was missing his -
"Hi, saera."
He heard the whispered greeting, unsteadily as she had uttered it. Two three-fingered hands wrapped themselves around his arm, followed by them being replaced instead with both of her arms. Tali leaned her head against his shoulder, and he sighed contentedly.
But he recognized that tone in her voice. She'd tried to hide it from him, but he knew. There was something on her mind that was bothering her, and it was very likely not about the admirals, or her mission. No, this was far more personal.
"Hi there, beautiful." He gave her a smile and slid his arm around her waist. She did the same, while her other hand rested softly on his shoulder. "Glad you came back. I didn't want to watch this by myself, you know." He kissed the top of her realk. "Everything okay?"
Tali had known that she would have been completely transparent to him. And after recent events, she had learned that keeping things from him was just a waste of time. "Not…completely. But let's just watch this together first, okay?"
"Whatever you want, Tali. You know that." His reassuring smile put her completely at ease in this moment.
A small smile touched the quarian's lips as she reached up and squeezed his arm a little tighter. He was so good to her. "I know, John."
"So, do you want to talk about it, saera?"
They were steadily putting any and all of Shepard's belongings back into the box that Ashley had sent to him. To be honest, there wasn't much that actually needed to go back in - just a photo of himself, Liara, Garrus and Tali taken on Virmire during some downtime, the model of the Rayya, the get-well card that the crew had sent along, and that was about it. He had remembered to put the ring from EDI back in as well. He sighed.
Christ, what an emotional whirlwind he had gone through.
That they had both gone through.
"John, I…" Tali sighed.
This wasn't the time, and it certainly wasn't the place.
"No, not yet," her voice softened, almost pleading, "not here. Please."
With her back turned to him, she'd been standing in front of the new Alliance admiral's uniform, gently running her fingers down the sleeve. Idly she had wondered what exactly it felt like - how it would feel to her naked fingers. She felt two strong arms wrap around her waist pulling her body tight against his chest, this presence of strength and warmth pressing up against her back. She leaned her head back into the source of this strength, marveling at how familiar all of this was. He rested his chin on her shoulder. His light wheezing was the only discernible sound.
Keelah, he was back; at least in the ways that mattered most.
"Okay, Tal. You're the active admiral," he teased, "you're calling the shots."
Smiling at the remark, she reached up and ran a gloved hand across his scalp, running her fingers through his hair.
She let out a ragged breath. Their skin-on-skin activities had better not be too far away, or Tali was going to go insane.
She wasn't the only one.
"Of course I am, John," she started sweetly, "you always let me." Ancestors, how she wanted to kiss him without fear. To kiss him without the restraints that time and physiology placed on her. She patted a hand that had locked her securely in place against him. He let her out of his grasp. "Besides, you should probably get dressed. Your Alliance didn't drop this off," she gestured toward his new uniform, "just for you to walk out of here in your 'sweetpants' and shirt."
He chuckled softly. How was she so damn cute? He smiled so lovingly at her that Tali thought she would melt. "Guess I'll get dressed then. After all, you're the boss."
"That's right," she punched him lightly on the arm, "you big bosh'tet. And don't you forget it."
The doctors had come by once more to review his medications and what he should be doing to continue to recover. They reiterated that it was their pleasure to have helped the Admiral Shepard get back on his feet. And then they had shuffled off, leaving Shepard and Tali alone, giving her time to fidget over him. He was already dressed and had passed Tali's final inspection ("Keelah, John. You put that on just for me to want to rip it off you?") by the time their cohorts - Kasumi, Liara and, of course, Garrus - arrived at his room. As soon as they entered, they stopped dead in their tracks at the sight before them. It had very little to do with the uniform - though the snappy new admiral's blues didn't hurt. It had everything to do with his posture, the smile on his face, the radiance in his eyes. They barely even registered the cane in his hand or the light wheeze that sometimes escaped him.
They marveled that their commander, their friend, looked not only "better", but looked like himself.
Kasumi broke the silence. "Now Shep, I hope you didn't go through all that trouble just on our account."
He laughed. "So, it looks all right then?"
"Goddess, he asks if it 'looks all right'! Shepard, you look like…well, you." Liara scoffed at his sheepishness. In truth, Shepard didn't just look like himself, but he looked like the Shepard that she had known on their mission against Saren. This man in front of her resembled more closely that much younger Shepard than the one that had been killed, brought back to life, then shouldered the burden of an entire galaxy.
"She's right, Shepard," Garrus intoned. "You look like a new man. Granted, with a cane, a cough, and you're still ugly as hell -"
"Watch it, bosh'tet," Tali warned as she pointed a finger at him.
"Okay, maybe 'ugly as hell' is too much, but, you look like yourself again." He turned to Tali. "I was going to finish with 'but with a beautiful woman to balance that out', but you didn't let me finish."
"Mmhmm. Sure, Garrus." Tali was not convinced.
Without any more fanfare, they had given one more quick glance around his room. Satisfied that they were leaving nothing behind, Garrus took hold of the one item that remained in the room that wasn't native to the hospital itself - the box that contained Shepard's old life - and easily hoisted it up off the floor. When Shepard tried to protest, the turian merely shook his head in defiance without saying a word.
The human admiral knew better than to argue with him.
They exited, one by one, with Kasumi leading them out, followed by Liara, then Garrus. Tali stayed behind, because John had.
He stood at the foot of the bed, inside the room that had housed him for the past few weeks. And now, he was leaving this place - this haven. It had been where he had not only recovered physically, but just as importantly, mentally. He had grown to love Tali even more, if such a thing was possible, and he felt a renewed sense of family with the most important people in his life. He had found safety here, he had found a part of himself that he feared lost.
He had found forgiveness, in the only way possible for him now.
And he had found his future. A new adventure.
And now he was saying goodbye.
Her hand gently gripped his arm, her helmeted head leaned against his shoulder. She didn't say anything. She didn't have to.
He felt another hand on his other shoulder. Then another. He heard the light sound as a box was placed back on the floor. The other three-fingered hand was placed on his upper back reassuringly.
"Shepard," Liara began gently, "we've got you. Tali has got you. You can do this, and we'll help."
He let out a shuddering breath. Tali caught a lone tear running down his cheek.
"I know." He turned around to face them, he barely contained the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him - this time in a flood of appreciation and gratitude. Tali ran her hand up and down his arm. "I just…want you all to know that I love you guys. I couldn't have done any of this without you. So just…thank you. For everything."
He got no audible response, but their faces said everything - even Kasumi's half-shadowed face. Her hint of a smile and mirthful eyes conveyed everything needed.
Turning to regard his saera, his other half, the soul that he hadn't known he'd needed, he grasped her hands earnestly. For a moment - more than a moment - he said nothing. He could say nothing. Instead, he was content to drown himself within the luster of her eyes.
"I love you, Tali'Zorah." He rested his forehead on her visor. Instinctively, she tried to press her own against her visor, trying to close the space between them.
"I know, Ke'era."
Pulling his head back slightly, he wore a mask of confusion. "What's 'keera' mean? I've never heard you say that."
His quarian smirked. "Sorry. It just sort of slipped out. I suppose it's closest translation is 'Home of my soul'. It's really not that different from saera, but sometimes…what do you say? 'Variety is the spice of life'?" Her hand pressed against his cheek. "You call me 'sweetheart' sometimes, which is similar to neyha, but I know it doesn't…diminish…us."
Her human smiled back in understanding. "OK, got it. But please teach it to me at some point. I need to know more than what? Three Khelish terms?"
"Of course, my captain." Christ, her voice was like a velvet river in his ears.
Leaning in next to his ear, Tali closed her eyes and whispered. "I love you, John."
After a touch longer than a moment, they remembered that they weren't alone. Sheepishly, both looked over to their companions - their friends. "Hey guys. Sorry about that, I didn't mean to just…ya know, and then…"
With an exaggerated huff, Tali interrupted him by gently tapping her fingers against his cheek as she turned away. "They know, saera. And they understand by now, I think." To verify, she looked over at their softly smiling faces - even Garrus was attempting such a feat. Tali tugged gently on his sleeve. "C'mon, let's get out of here. Before they start charging us rent."
When Garrus parked the Alliance transport they'd given him for this morning, they were not alone at the base. To everyone's surprise (mostly that it had taken this long) there was a crowd gathered around the area. Alliance personnel had the main part of the base cordoned off, and it appeared that the folks that had gathered were being more than respectful as they kept their distance willingly.
By "crowd", there were at least hundreds of people across all known species gathered around the base. There was at first a strange silence surrounding them. Garrus actually thought that there was an audible buzzing about the area. He knew that this was not the case, but still…the place definitely contained the silence of expectation. A calm before a cleansing rainstorm.
They weren't there to cause trouble, that much was obvious. They were there to convey their thanks and appreciation of an entire galaxy, if only in the space of one small fraction of a percent of those that could give it. After all, everyone recognized the Normandy. It was Shepard's ship. It held Shepard's crew. And when they saw the transport, they recognized it for what it was, and knew that someone of some importance may be aboard. Maybe even Shepard himself.
"Keelah, why are there so many people here?" Tali reached up from the backseat and playfully punched Garrus on the shoulder. "Did you tell them, Garrus?"
The turian shook his head, laughing. "Tali, I hate crowds. This was definitely not my idea."
"Garrus," Kasumi intoned from the seat next to him, "you probably guessed that I don't like crowds either. Especially not when they can see me."
"Kasumi, did you plan on stealing from -"
Shepard reached across Tali to slap Liara playfully on the shoulder. "Liara, I can guarantee you that that is not what she meant."
Her eyes widened in surprise and embarrassment. "Oh! I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"
Even the thief chuckled. "Liara, it's okay. It was actually funny. Um, even if it wasn't a joke." She turned to Garrus, more seriously. "Could you leave your door open after you get out? I'll tell you when to close it."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because I actually don't want the attention. You guys were the ones that stopped them, you know."
Shepard was having none of her deflecting bullshit this morning.
No sir, not today.
"Kasumi, you're not cloaking for this. If these people are here for the reasons I think they are, maybe just…maybe just let them thank you."
The thief looked down at her lap for a moment, thinking on this.
Like they all were.
After a moment, she exhaled her held breath. "Okay, Shep. You win."
What could you do when everyone thought you to be the heroes? When you actually were the big goddam heroes?
Trying to rally them, he spoke again. "Okay, folks. Let's just get to the Normandy, and go from there. And listen, let's maybe give the people what they want. If they want to cheer us, fine. Give them a wave, but there's no need to linger, all right?" He received a few nods in acknowledgment - a begrudging one from Kasumi, but it was there nevertheless.
When Shepard put his hand to the door to open it, he saw that there were people exiting the Normandy first. Immediately, he recognized Admiral Hackett, with Ashley walking alongside him. The anticipatory silence was very much nonexistent, and had been replaced with thunderous applause.
Tali looked around nervously. "Keelah, John! They're so loud!"
Hackett gave him a slight wave, indicating that they should exit the vehicle.
Which they did.
If Tali thought the applause was loud before, it was practically ear-splitting now.
Instinctively, she gripped Shepard's arm like a vice before he could get out of the car. He gave her a loving smile.
"Tali, it's okay. This time, I've got you. Just stay close, and keep hold of my hand, okay?" She nodded. He had to suppress a little laugh at her expense - all of their expenses, really. Including his own.
Take out Saren and his army of Geth (he hid the shudder)? No problem.
The giant mind-controlling killer plant that cloned asari? This team wiped the floor with it.
Thresher maws - plural? Brought them down to size.
Collectors, prothean/reaper hybrids? A human Reaper? Multiple Reapers, basically on foot? Done and done.
A few appreciative war survivors?
"Fuck sake," he muttered.
Shepard began to exit, grunting with some difficulty before Ashley ran up to the vehicle and gave him a hand. Nodding his thanks, he turned back to Tali, who took his own hand as he helped her out of the vehicle with his other hand on his cane.
"Hey, Skipper. Quite a crowd, huh?" The Spectre's nonchalance made him chuckle.
"Hey Ash. Yeah I guess you could you say that." He looked around at the throng of people, squinting in the bright winter sunshine, before smiling back at her again. "They, uh, friends of yours?"
She laughed. "Well, sir, I think that right now they're friends of all of us." She sent glances to the others. "Hi Garrus, Liara." She smiled broadly at the fidgeting form of Tali'Zorah. "Hey Tali. Welcome to being a hero."
She shook her head. "Yes, I'm sure it's great, but, um…this is not my idea of a good time, Ashley."
She flashed her a sympathetic grin before looking over at Kasumi, not recognizing her. "I don't think we've met," she extended a hand to the thief, who shook it. "I'm Ashley. And you are?" Kasumi still didn't look happy to be there. "I'm Kasumi Goto. Friend of Shepard's and…well, everybody, really."
Admiral Hackett, who had indeed walked to the vehicle eyed them all with a humored smile.
"Hello everyone," He glanced at the lot of them, then stopped his gaze on Kasumi. "Miss Goto, I take it?"
She nodded her head. "Yes, sir. Pleased to meet you."
"Likewise." He once again sent a sweeping glance to all of them. "I know this isn't what you expected, but someone noticed that the Normandy was here, and well, one thing led to the other. So we're just going to walk to the Normandy, and we'll just wave a little bit. It'll be over before you know it."
Shepard chuckled lightly. "That's almost exactly what I told them, sir."
The older man nodded before looking to Ashley, who was having a quiet word with Garrus. "Commander, would you lead the group?"
Shepard interrupted him. "Sir, is there someone who can grab a case for me from the back? It's my stuff from the hospital."
Hackett immediately waved over one of the nearby soldiers. After a quick exchange, he hustled to the back of the transport and began to carry the box to the Normandy.
Ashley had started to lead them forward, and the rest of them followed suit, occasionally waving or smiling at the loud applause and whistles. Shepard and Tali walked hand-in-hand alongside Hackett. The applause was loud enough to drown out the sound of his cane smacking the pavement.
Shepard leaned over toward Tali, giving her hand a squeeze. "Hey, Tali. You okay?"
"J-John, I do not like this. But I think I'll manage."
"Okay, good." Then, more reassuringly, he added, "You're okay, sweetheart."
Before they reached the Normandy's boarding ramp, Ashley abruptly stopped, looking back at Hackett. He nodded again, and she waved at someone standing at the entrance of the great Alliance frigate. Emerging from the shadows were five figures: a turian, salarian, asari, human, and…was that a krogan?
Hackett leaned toward Shepard. "It's the interim council, though you'll recognize a couple of faces."
Shepard did indeed recognize two of the solemnly approaching figures.
"Okay, I recognize Sparatus and Tavos, but who are the other two? And the krogan?"
"The salarian is Esheel, who replaced Valern after his death when he left for Sur'kesh. The human is Lilly Kenworth."
"Why do I know that name?"
"She helped secure a number of quarian ships to aid in our logistics and rescue missions, and has a decent relationship with them."
Tali piped up. "I remember meeting her on the Citadel. She was easy to deal with." John remembered that for a time, Tali had moonlighted as a de facto ambassador of sorts for the quarians during the later stages of the conflict. Explains why he knew the name.
"And the krogan?"
Hackett chuckled. You two have some mutual friends. His name is Urdnot Grank."
He and Tali couldn't help but laugh.
Good ol' Wrex.
Ashley had stopped, and they formed a line behind her. Each of the councilors stopped, exchanging quick pleasantries and words of thanks with each of them. When they got to Shepard, there were no pleasantries. Instead, they almost looked (especially Sparatus) contrite. The turian drew himself up, standing straight. He spoke, presumably for all of them, in a respectful tone.
"Admiral Shepard, I am more than pleased to see you alive."
A small smirk touched John's lips. "I'm glad to hear it, Sparatus."
"Admiral, I will not bore you with apologetic platitudes. They would be too late, and would demean you. What you have done," he regarded them with a humbled look - all the way up to Ashley, "what you have all done, is beyond our ability to repay. What we can do, we will do for you, Shepard."
"And what exactly would that be, councilor?" Shepard's tone did little to convey that this exchange was pleasant. Tali squeezed his hand. Keelah, why was he being such an ass?
The councilor huffed slightly as he also picked up on Shepard's implication. Further up the line, Garrus was stifling a laugh.
"We are discharging you from Spectre service, Shepard."
There was a beat of silence before John actually laughed at him. It was loud and somewhat obnoxious. Sparatus looked at his fellow councilors, each of them with confused looks on their faces. Well, everyone except for councilor Grank. He was not even trying to contain his boisterous and booming laughter. It would appear that Wrex had told the krogan councilor all about their dealings with the council, especially with Sparatus.
"And what is so funny, admiral?" His beady eyes narrowed accusingly. There was a joke somewhere in Shepard's mind, and the turian councilor was loathe for it to be himself.
Clearing his throat while still maintaining the damnable smirk, he answered him. "Well, Sparatus - honestly, I do thank you. But even if you hadn't, you would have never seen me again anyway. You do realize that, right?" The turian gave him a nod of realization. "Regardless, I am pleased to see that the council is intact, and that the krogan seem to have been invited to the party."
Sparatus's expression softened a little; it appeared that the admiral was done needling him. "Indeed, Shepard. After the Reapers, perhaps it is time for a more…unified galaxy."
Shepard only thought on this for a beat. "And how 'unified' does the Council plan on being? I don't see any hanar, volus, elcor…and I certainly don't see any quarians in your little parade."
The turian did not even flinch. "Not yet, admiral. That is why we are here. We are holding council on Earth to help to determine how to move forward. With luck, you shall see those races represented soon." He looked briefly over to Tali. "Possibly even by the celebrated Tali'Zorah."
Tali rolled her eyes. Shepard let out a good-natured laugh, and extended his hand. The turian took it.
"Well, Sparatus, we have a saying on Earth: 'Better late than never'."
Even the turian nodded with a hint of a turian smile. "That is a good saying, admiral." He paused to glance at the rest of those still gathered in their line before retraining his eyes on Shepard. "I will send you the official documents to your omnitool. And maybe we'll meet again some day. We can have a drink. I'll buy."
A chuckle escaped the now ex-Spectre. "You know? I think I'd like that, councilor. Good luck."
"To you too, Shepard."
The other councilors made their way past, stopping and shaking Shepard's hand as they went. Except for Grank.
The wide, lumbering form of the (as far as Shepard knew) first krogan council member stood silently. He appraised him, like he was comparing the Shepard of Wrex and Grunt's stories to the human that stood before him now - a relatively frail form.
"Shepard," his voice was deep and gravelly, like all krogan Shepard had ever met. "I have heard stories of your exploits. Wrex and Grunt speak highly of you, they say you are practically krogan yourself."
"Is that so?"
"It is."
"And do you agree?"
He considered for a moment, eyeing the man from head to toe. God knew what for. Beside the admiral, Tali was beginning to feel her pulse quicken. If she had to defend her saera…
Grank finally did speak again. "I will say that…I am not disappointed."
There was another pause as Shepard considered this. Finally, the ex-Spectre chuckled at the remark, eliciting laughter from the councilor. "That's good, Grank. That's good."
With a quick nod to the admiral, the krogan joined the other councilors, who were heading into the base proper.
Before he and Tali entered the Normandy, Hackett stopped them.
"Shepard, may I have a word?"
They stood there on the ramp, the three of them and the surrounding crowd noise. The rest of the team had already entered the ship, so it was just them and the still-cheering crowd. Tali was trying to stifle her fidgeting. She was failing miserably as she bounced insanely on her toes.
John squeezed her hand and gave her a nod. "I'll just be a moment, Tali. Go on ahead and make sure that Ashley hasn't destroyed our cabin." He snickered at his own remark as he tried to quell some of her nervousness. He was only partially successful. She looked at him, then to Hackett, then back again. Hackett turned to her and gave her his own reassuring smile.
"Do not worry, Miss Zorah. I am not asking him to reconsider anything. We'll just be a moment."
She nodded to him slightly, not entirely convinced, but keelah she trusted John.
"Okay, saera. That's where I'll be."
Once she entered, Shepard turned back to Hackett.
"Shepard, I'm sorry about that. But I do have a favor to ask - and you can refuse - and I didn't want to make Miss Zorah more uneasy."
"Sir, in all honesty, she'll be nervous either way." After trying to discount the use of the cane, he could ignore the pain in his leg no longer and leaned fully on it. "But what favor, sir?"
The older man frowned at the revelation. He hadn't meant to rile her up any more than she already had appeared to be. "Well, convey to her my apologies then." He ran his fingers across his forehead. "So, just as a favor to me and to the Alliance, would you mind giving some occasional 'consultation' for the brass? You've been out in the galaxy more than anyone else alive, Shepard. And if…well if we run into problems that we don't quite know how to handle and just want some advice, would you mind providing it if you can?"
It was Shepard's turn to huff.
"Just 'advice', sir?"
After all of this, they still wanted more from him. But how could he say "no"?
Hackett simply nodded his head.
"Sir, I'll…see what I can do. I won't rule it out, but respectfully, I'm not volunteering. The best I can say for now is that I'll think about it, and if something does come up, ask me and I'll tell you then."
Hackett matched Shepard's gaze eye-for-eye, contemplating. Finally, he let out a soft chuckle of his own. "Fair enough, admiral. That's actually more than I'd hoped for. I'll be in touch, Shepard. And not just for that."
Hackett extended his hand.
"And Shepard? We're colleagues now, and you're retired. Call me Steven."
Shepard shook his head unbelievably. He was wearing a quickly-growing smile. He took Hackett's hand, giving it a hearty shake.
"All right, Steven. I'm John, by the way." They both breathed a small laugh.
"That's good, John. That's very good. And, good luck. With everything. I'll be in touch."
"Thank you, sir."
"What did I tell you? I don't really outrank you."
"Well, you know how it is with old habits."
"Indeed." He regarded Shepard once more with a solemn look, maybe wondering if he should say something further. Whatever it was, he remained silent. Instead, Hackett simply turned and made his way down the ramp and back toward the base, occasionally waving at the onlookers that remained. Quietly, Tali walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He knew that she would've returned. He also knew that she hadn't even left the airlock, waiting for him to finish with Hackett.
"John? Are you okay?"
He gave her a token "Hmmm", but his mind was elsewhere. Shepard did not move. He simply scanned the crowd, taking it all in on this, the last day of his life.
The old one.
Amongst the litany of scarves, jackets and boisterous faces, he saw near the front of the crowd a young boy about the same age as the one that he'd watched get killed on Earth. The boy was, as far as Shepard could tell, thanking him. The admiral locked eyes with him, and then he ducked under the rope that had been hastily erected. He was sprinting toward the Normandy with his bushy brown hair flailing in the breeze with (presumably) his mother chasing after him. One of the soldiers began to make her way toward the child, but Shepard waved her off as he limped toward him.
He crouched down and caught him at full sprint, grunting as he let the boy hug him tightly. Shepard was caught off guard by the strength of the embrace.
The boy - this child - cried into his shoulder, tears moistening the collar of his brand new admiral's uniform. Shepard did the same, his cries releasing in great heaping shakes. The tears ran freely from him.
In between the child's sobs, he spoke to him in a hushed whisper. It dripped with appreciation. "Thank you, Mr. Shepard. Thank you for making the monsters go away."
"Monsters". That was about as apt a description of the Reapers as any he would likely ever hear. That was what they were. Even to an adult, how could you explain them as anything otherwise? A race of sentient machines with the sole purpose of killing everything that knew what a mass relay was. Sure they didn't call it "killing" - "harvesting" sounded so much nicer, so much cleaner. But almost every truly evil person in history - certainly in human history - never went about mass murder for mass murder's sake. At least not publicly. You can wrap any evil thing in pleasant phrasing, but it didn't change what it was.
Shepard gripped him by the shoulders, casting his own blue eyes into the deep brown of this small survivor.
"You're…you're welcome, kid," he managed to eke out in as strong a voice as he could muster. To Shepard, he sounded small, unworthy.
To this child, it was everything.
"There are generations of children that will live because of you. I will live because of you." Tali had said this to him not so long ago, trying to wash away Shepard's own burning and acidic guilt.
This, right here, was proof positive of the truth in her words.
And then the moment ended. There was nothing else to say. And when the child returned to his mother, Shepard gave them a little wave, still not bothering to hide his own tears. The cheering only grew - now at an incredible roar. Tali came up to him, nervously holding his cane and taking his hand in hers as they made their way back to the Normandy. He squeezed it reassuringly, and mouthed "I love you" at her as they walked - she wouldn't have been able to hear had he said it aloud anyway.
Somehow he knew that she'd said it right back to him.
It might have been just in his head, but Shepard could swear that he could still hear the applause even from within the Normandy. He was standing in the CIC, and it was still very much as he'd left it. The galaxy map, the terminals, the hustle and bustle had all remained. There were some faces that he didn't recognize, which was not unexpected, but there were still some familiar ones like Traynor. She was still there. Giving him a solid hug, it was apparent that she had been very happy to see him. Tali had gotten one of her own as well.
After a brief spell when Garrus and Kasumi had joined them, partaking in some greetings, they had left to disembark Earth on the Malinor, and would meet them on Rannoch. It left Shepard, Tali and Liara to voyage aboard this ship that had been their home for the better part of three years.
Not that he was surprised, but the crew wanted a piece of him, to thank him, congratulate him. To remind themselves of the man that had carried them to victory.
And he would. Just not yet. There were other pressing matters to attend to.
Tali was beside him, in her now customary position, with her arms interlocked around his right and her head resting comfortably against his shoulder. John rested his weight on the cane in his left hand. Liara stood nearby, behind them with her arms crossed in front of her. A small satisfied smile had crept across her face. It was a smile that implied that finally, everything was right with the world.
Ashley stood before him with a quirky grin on her face, her arm outstretched, inviting him to the map.
"C'mon, skipper. Once more, for old times' sake?"
When he didn't immediately move, Traynor muttered some encouragement that he did not hear. He felt like he was once again trying to escape his past. He was climbing the ladder that would lead him out of it, all he had to do was push the trapdoor open. But here he was…hesitating.
This is where so much of this occurred. All of the missions, all of the saving. So much racing against time. It all started here. He thought of his occasional stints when he'd have to cover for Pressly on the night watch.
He watched her come up the stairs that surrounded the CIC, this charming young woman in violet. She nervously looked around the room, seeing that nearly half of the terminals were empty during this night shift. She hadn't expected to see the commander on duty; she had expected to pass some time with Navigator Pressly (who seemed to have warmed up to her) or maybe Joker. Without thinking, she started to bounce nervously from foot to foot. He spoke to her before she could say anything.
"Hey Tali. Surprised to see me?" He was casually manipulating the galaxy map; spinning it around, zooming in then zooming out. Clearly, he was bored.
"Hi Shepard. Yes, you are not normally up here at this time of night."
"That is a true statement, Miss nar Rayya."
"And I can't really sleep at night…"
"That is also true. You're two for two."
"You don't have your tea."
He laughed. "And that's three in a row. You get a prize."
She cocked her head in curiosity, probably not quite getting the reference. He grinned back at her, his alien friend who already understood him so well.
They were in-between missions, heading back to the Citadel to resupply and pick up a few much-needed armor upgrades for the ground team.
"Shepard, what exactly are you doing?" She asked with a clear smile.
"Oh, you know. Just trying to play 'God' up here. Move the galaxy around, make it bigger," he pulled his hands apart and she watched the Milky Way become impossibly large, "make it smaller," pushed them together, "and otherwise just look like an idiot." He paused, looking at her curiously. There was the hint of a smile on his face. "Do you want to give it a go?"
She stammered, not quite understanding. "G-give it a…'go'?"
"Yeah. You know, 'try it out'? You can't mess it up, I promise. And I'll be right here."
"O-okay."
She made her way to the map as Shepard moved to her side. She felt her pulse quicken ever so slightly at his closeness. "So all you do is hold your hands out like this," he held his hands about a foot over the display, "and the map will sense that you're there. You'll see the green light pop up in the top left corner. See?" On cue, the green light indeed popped on. "And then you can just spread your arms out like this, or bring them together, or -"
She laughed. "Okay, Shepard. I think I get it. Can I try now?" She bounced on her toes excitedly.
"Sure thing, Tali." He stepped aside as he extended his arm as if to say "after you", letting her stand front and center. He remained closeby, just in case.
"Okay, so I just do this," she extended her arms in front of her like Shepard had shown her, waiting for the light to tick on. "And then I can just move it around?" Without waiting for a reply, the quarian pilgrim began to wave her right hand, mesmerized as the map began to slowly spin clockwise. She giggled at the motion. "And then, I can just do this," she spread her hands out to zoom in, but the map didn't get any bigger. Shepard saw the issue immediately: her left hand had fallen outside the sensor's zone. Instead, there was a brief chime. Audibly, her breath caught in her throat as she thought that she might have broken it. The map instead zoomed in on the area that her right hand had been over.
"Keelah, Shepard! What did I do? I was just, you know, and then it…" She was nervously bouncing now.
Shepard let out a little laugh. He grabbed his friend's hands, trying to calm her down. He thought he heard a stifled breath of surprise. "Tali, it's okay. You didn't break it. I promise." They turned to see just where her spinning had taken them. Tali gasped. They were looking at the Perseus Veil.
"Hey, is everything all right?"
Without thinking, she "tapped" her hand on the luminescent bit of space that comprised the Veil. It revealed the Tikkun system. Her home star. And the rock orbiting closest to said star?
"Y-yes. This is just where…where we used to…"
He put two and two together.
Rannoch. The quarian homeworld; or at least it had been three centuries ago.
He watched her head drop in as clear a display of sadness as he had ever seen.
"Hey, I'm sorry." He gripped her shoulders reassuringly. "Are you okay?"
She nodded slightly, and he knew that he heard a quiet sniffle. "I'm…keelah, I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have come up here…I shouldn't have…" she made like she was about to pull herself from his grasp, but stopped suddenly. She turned her face up to his, and the slight shimmer in her glowing eyes betrayed the tears that remained. "Shepard? What is it like to have a home? To have a planet, a place, to call 'yours'?"
He heard the wavering in her voice - the desperate hopelessness - in it. The Spectre didn't know what to say.
"Tali…look…I don't know how to -"
He never finished whatever nonsense platitude that was about to come out of his mouth, because she flung herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. He didn't know what to do at first, feeling her shake with the grief of an entire race. But he eventually wrapped his arms around his friend, who continued to sob into his shoulder.
Quietly he spoke to her, his face as close to hers as her helmet would allow. "Hey Tali. Listen to me. I don't know when, and I don't know how. But if I can help you get your homeworld back, I will. You, of all people, deserve to have one. That is a promise. Do you understand me?"
She nodded her head against him. He thought that she had started to say something to him, maybe even words that he thought he should be saying to her.
He was nudged from his thoughts when Tali gave him a gentle push toward the raised dais. "Get up there, you bosh'tet. Go take us home."
He looked back at her - his saera - and smiled at this beautiful woman with whom he was about to make a home. On her homeworld. Maybe even their homeworld.
Like he had promised.
Huh. I guess it worked out all right after all.
Eventually, he bowed his head, humorously accepting his fate as he trudged to the display.
He could never resist a bit of gallows humor.
He raised his arms, and when he got his green light, opened the map. With a few waves of his hand, he brought up the Perseus Veil. He selected the relay located in the Tikkun system. He highlighted the first planet.
Rannoch.
Home.
Over the intercom, Joker intoned with his usual acerbic wit. "Hey admiral, I'm seeing the Tikkun relay on my nav computer. Did you do this? Like, you still remember how to?"
Shepard pushed down his feelings of regret and trepidation (Joker, I'm so sorry), and responded. "Believe it or not Joker, I do."
"All right, then. Course laid in for the jump to the Tikkun system. Ready on your mark."
With a final look and deep smile at Tali, he gave the order.
"Joker, go ahead and punch it. Let's go home."