"Sir, I know you think that you still give the orders around here, but Shepard?"

He was laughing now - he knew what was coming. He could hear Traynor and a few of the other crewmembers in the CIC laughing too.

"Yeah, Ash?"

From behind him, he felt two three-fingered hands against his back give him a light shove before he heard her voice. "You don't."

"Ah, gah!" Shepard fell forward, exaggerating the force. "Insubordination! That's what this is!" He recovered to turn around and put his arms around Tali, lifting her off the ground.

"Ah! Bosh'tet! Put me down! I have," she playfully punched his right shoulder (still trying to avoid the not-yet-perfect left), "very important," she gave up on the punching and instead wrapped her arms around his neck with her legs around his waist, "things…to do…mmmm." Tali had given up completely (admittedly, "very easily" as well), and was now stroking his hair with her mask resting on his head.

From behind them, Ashley cleared her throat with a smirk.

"Shepard, she is right. She has to update the other admirals. And you, quite honestly sir, kinda look like you need a nap." She watched him attentively as he put Tali back down.

"But I -"

"Shepard, this is my ship. And I'm telling you: you need to go take it easy. You've had a big day." The Spectre did not say this with the condescension that he had thought would have been there. "If you don't go voluntarily, I'll have Chakwas sedate you." After a moment of thought, she added, "Um…sir."

He knew they were right. There had been a lot to this day, but he was filled with a curious mix of fatigue and nervy energy. Damn it, he was excited to be here with many of his friends. After some hesitation, the admiral decided that enough was enough, and to head on up.

"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck, "you're right. Both of you." He shrugged and fed them a sheepish smile. "It's just nice…not being in a hospital, I guess. And the Normandy, well…it still feels like home. I guess I just got carried away."

Tali turned his head to face her. "It's okay. There will be plenty of time to catch up with everyone. Go on up. Get some rest. I'll be up as soon as I'm done."

With a relieved smile, he pressed his forehead to her visor before pulling away to head to the elevator.

Making her way back up to the captain's cabin (should I still refer to it as "ours"?), Tali felt a quiet relief knowing that she had about 70 more hours until she'd have to deal with those bosh'tets again. The admirals seemed to have been pleased that she was finally on her way back, not that she gave a shit these days what they thought. Keelah, she couldn't wait to tell them in-person what exactly she thought of them - ordering her around as if she was just a squad leader and not a damn admiral herself. And then to have the gall to…she allowed a sigh to escape her lips. She decided as she waited for the CIC security screen to complete ("Sorry, ma'am. They still make us do this," the security officer had apologized to her) to push them from her mind. There would be time to deal with them, time that she would give them after they arrived at Rannoch. As for the here and now? Well John was here, and he was waiting for her now.

And she dared not disappoint her captain.

There was just one problem, and she was at her station in the CIC. And she liked to talk, despite how brutally awkward she could be.

"Hi!" Traynor almost yelled her greeting at the quarian. "How have you been, Tali?"

Keelah, small talk.

"I've been fine, Traynor. Just, um, you know. Helping Shepard get back on his feet."

Her eyes widened. "Yes! That's right, erm…you did, didn't you…"

Ancestors, she is worse than I am!

Tali was about to speak, to try to get out of this dreadful conversation when she was rescued by a soft-spoken voice.

"Specialist Traynor," a quiet gasp of mock surprise, as if she had somehow forgotten, "I am sorry. Lieutenant Traynor."

The Alliance lieutenant turned quickly to find Liara regarding her with a soft hint of a smile.

"Yes, Dr. T'Soni?"

"Please, it's just 'Liara' now. No one has called me that in at least a year."

Her cheeks flushed. "Y-yes, of course…"

"Tell me, have you finalized the sleep pod assignments yet? I wish to know where I will be sleeping while aboard." She shot a Tali a quick look of understanding over Traynor's shoulder. "I have not stayed in a sleeper pod in quite some time, and since Commander Williams has reverted my old office to her quarters - rightfully so - I was…"

Tali saw the opportunity afforded to her by her friend. Silently, she thanked the Ancestors for Liara.

With that, Tali slipped into the elevator and pressed the familiar button for Deck 1. As the elevator made its way up - at its customary snail's pace, of course - she found herself bouncing from foot to foot. She was a bundle of nerves once again.

"Just like old times," she murmured, thinking of Garrus with a nervy chuckle.

Come on, Tali. Just this once, calm down. You can do this.

When the doors opened and she viewed the familiar passage to the cabin, her heart fluttered and began to pound even harder. Maybe it was the combined stress of the last month? She hadn't really had a chance to process everything that had happened. Hell, she had spent that entire first week just focusing on getting the Normandy off the ground again, then the relief of seeing her saera alive were two things that had taken such a toll on her. She wasn't even sure if she had processed those, let alone everything during Shepard's recovery. But then, her natural instinct to simply be with him had kicked into overdrive, and she had found it increasingly more difficult to concentrate. Then there was the Board…and the discoveries on the ship…keelah, she felt utterly drained.

When the doors opened, she felt the familiar sensation - even in the suit - of the decon unit doing its thing ("Decontamination in process, please remain still" the damn thing chirped at her) and cleansing the exterior of contaminants, germs and other microbes that might provide a risk to her immune system and invade the sanctity of the cabin. Tali closed her eyes at the old sequence - unsure if she was closing them in relief, or in a fit of somberness. In either case, when it was finished and she was given the green light, she entered the cabin proper.

She had half-expected John to come leaping out at her, to pounce on her after so many days without the ability to do so. Instead, when Tali walked in, she had time to notice that the Rayya had been placed back into his model ship display, the fish were still going strong, and that John was waiting patiently for her at the end of the small set of of stairs leading down to the main living area. From there, he extended his hand for her.

Which she took, of course.

The quarian's pulse had tottered down from its earlier breakneck pace, slowing to something resembling "relaxed" now. Shepard had led her to the couch, which is where she now sat with her legs draped across her captain's lap. He had tugged her boots off, and was rubbing his thumbs into the still-covered flesh of her feet. For a moment, she was content to just lay there with her head lying against the armrest of the couch.

"Tali," he began gently, "how are you feeling?"

I can't complete him…

Damn it! Tali had hoped to put this off a little longer, so that she could have just enjoyed him once more. She was pleading with herself to just put the thought and the sad conversation that she knew would accompany it out of her head. But it was too late.

He'd already asked it. And his tone suggested that he knew that it needed to be asked in precisely that way.

Her initial reaction was to simply state that she was "fine", but she realized two things of equal importance: she was not "fine", at least not totally; and that had she said that she was, John would have seen through the lie anyway. There was no point in trying to dance around the truth.

"John, I…I don't know. I am happy, truly I am, but…"

Do I now bring it up to him? After this day and the weeks and the…

Shepard shifted his body so that his legs were drawn right next to her backside, Tali's own legs were still draped over his. Without realizing that he was doing so, she dumbly watched him reach for and then release her mask from the rest of her helmet. She blinked a few times as the world became slightly more clear, and John's five fingers caressed her cheek lovingly. His smile warmed her. Then he leaned in, and pressed his lips to hers. She whimpered into his mouth, pressing back into the kiss. She felt a stray tear squeeze out of her, and she (desperately?) reached for and found the back of his head. After a long moment, John softly pulled her hand from where it rested. When he pulled back and caught his breath (still with the light wheeze found beneath the surface), his gentle smile reassured her.

As for Shepard, he thought for a split second about their conversation - Tali's "confession" as it were - not so long ago. But this time, there was no trepidation. He felt no ill-omen, no precursor to some doomsday revelation. He felt only the need to comfort her, to give her strength. It might've helped that they were on their way home, and not stuck in a hospital languishing in so much uncertainty and pain.

"Talk to me, Tali. What was on your mind this morning?" It was a simple command followed by a just-as-simple question, delivered with gentleness and reassurance.

Sweet talker.

She let out a long breath before looking to him, her eyes already shimmering with the moisture of oncoming tears.

"John…I'm worried that - Ancestors, this is so stupid - I…can't be enough for you." She paused, watching his reaction, which now consisted of a sincerely confused look. Again, it was without malice or disdain. "Did you know that there was a nursery on the second floor of the hospital?"

"No, Tali. I didn't."

She nodded her head, like she was trying to muster the strength to -

Shepard grabbed her hand, and began to rub his thumb against the back of it. With the other hand, he cupped her cheek, running his fingers across her skin there. She hummed as she pressed her face into his touch.

"Tell me about it, then."

"I first saw it on the day that they released you from…surgery. I was pacing the halls - big surprise - and I was just lost in thought. I was trying to just keep moving and stay occupied." She paused. "This was actually the same walk when I thought, when I hoped, that you wouldn't be able to…"

Shepard again stopped her there, soothing her. "Tali, it's okay. We're past that."

She chuckled a little in embarrassment. "Right. We already talked about that. Anyway, there was a nursery that I passed on my way up to your room. And when I looked in there, keelah, it was like a dream, you know? They were all so small and…innocent. And I felt proud that I had had a hand in saving them. That they were alive because of us - well, you mostly - but you know what I mean."

Shepard shook his head dismissively, but said nothing. She knew precisely what that was all about.

"Yeah…so I saw them and I…oh John," her voice became something that it formerly wasn't. While she had spoken with concern and a hint of feigned levity, her voice swerved sharply into true desperation. "I can't…I won't be able to…" The words again caught in her throat. Tali turned her face away from him in embarrassment, in shame, and in fear.

What if this is it? What if this is the one thing that pushes him away? What if here is when he realizes that I was never his soul's half? What if…

It was at this time that John slid himself from underneath her draped legs and stood up. He watched her head drop. Without uttering a single syllable, he removed Tali's realk from around her helmet, draping the violet and swirling fabric behind her head as it slid down her upper back. He then reached for the seals around her uncovered helmet. Finding the small buttons on the sides (right where he remembered them being), he pressed them, releasing the clasping mechanisms. He caught the apparatus in his hands and placed it on the adjacent table. What he saw broke his heart.

With her wavy raven hair draped around her slumped shoulders, his saera was shaking. She looked away from him. To him, she looked fearful, but not in the way of someone that was perhaps waiting for bad news. No, this appeared to be almost instinctual, like in the way that an animal would behave when presented with the bringer of its own demise. He hated to see her like this, and he couldn't really recall seeing her behave in such a way; it tore him apart. With a grunt, he knelt down and softly cupped her face in his hands. Her soft and smooth lavender skin was cool to the touch. Bringing her face up to look at him, his own eyes went searching the glow of her own - looking for something - for a moment before he placed a gentle kiss at the center of her forehead. He felt her shudder.

"Tali, my love, I want you to calm down. I think I know where you're going with this. Can I tell you what I think?"

She gave a quick nod. She couldn't have answered him with her voice even had she wanted to.

"Okay." He ran his fingers through her hair, gently pressing them into her scalp, eliciting a soft hum from her. "I think that you were going to tell me that you didn't think that you were enough for me because you can't have our children. You were afraid that this would be what separates you from me. You thought that I would…reject you (Fuck sake, that tasted disgusting just saying that), because we can't have a family - not in the way that you think I would want." He lifted her face to his. "Am I close?"

With a sniffle, she nodded again.

"Thought so." He sat back down next to her with a sigh; she had tucked her legs in underneath her, glaring at her thighs. He grabbed her hand, sandwiching between his. "So Tali, when will you stop being a bosh'tet to me?" He had said this with a smile at her, but John's tone indicated his impatience and sadness; his hurt. Her soft eyes looked up at him then. "Tali…when will you trust me?"

That had caught her off guard, simply because it sounded so ludicrous. Of course she trusted him. She had trusted him for so long it felt like second nature. She had trusted him during the Saren mission, when she saw him again on Freedom's Progress, when she had shown him her face and made love to each other that first, beautiful time…keelah, she trusted him with her life, with her soul. How could he possibly think that -

That's when it clicked.

To him, it sure felt like she hadn't trusted him. She had already resigned herself - convinced herself - that he would reject her over this, this final dividing line between them.

Tali felt even more ashamed. She had hurt him - really hurt him - with this.

Some saeraI am. I talked to him about "trust" all the time. And now I'm the one that didn't…

"John…please. I'm sorry." She watched him sigh as he rubbed tiredly at his forehead. "It's just…it's just that…" The quarian sat up and stopped, as if she had a realization. Then she shuffled toward him, swinging a long leg over to straddle her captain, catching him by surprise.

This time it was him staring up at her, and she noticed just how tired he looked.

"John, I'm sorry. I am. You know that I trust you." She leaned down, kissing him softly on his forehead. "But for this, it was…well, we hadn't really talked about a family. About us having a family." She kissed both cheeks. "And when I saw the little bosh'tets," she and Shepard both laughed at her attempted levity, "I just got…overwhelmed. Keelah, I want to make you happy." She leaned in and kissed his mouth. For some ridiculous reason, she thought of a…what had Shepard called it? A "komik"? Tali couldn't remember what it had been called, but it had involved non-humans. He'd told her that it was still being written on Earth over 100 years after its original writer had died - revitalized after first contact.

Tali giggled into his mouth, almost losing control of herself in a fit of them. "John…I just gave you a…'mouthpush'."

"A what?" Where the fuck had that come from? After a moment, realization hit him as he remembered it himself, and then he started laughing.

They both did.

When they finally stopped, it was Shepard that pulled her face to his for another meaningful kiss.

A thought struck him like a hammer blow.

Maybe I'm the one who hasn't understood this correctly…

He coughed, causing her to raise a hand to his cheek in a worried caress. "Tali, I'm sorry."

Now it was her turn to be confused. "For what? What did you do? I'm the idiot here."

She sounded like she wanted to be the idiot. Shepard almost laughed, but instead sighed.

He brought her face close, resting her forehead on his. Like always, her slightly cooler body temperature somehow soothed him. "You're not, Tali." He slid his fingers along her cheek. "I'm sorry for just…assuming that…damn it, how do I say this?" He closed his eyes, trying to organize his feelings into some coherent thought. He concentrated on the sound of her breathing. When he felt like he had a solid grasp on those elusive feelings, he continued. "I'm sorry, because I mistook 'trust' for 'blind faith'. Yes, there is a difference." She gave him another confused look, the glow of her eyes dimmed only slightly by the pinching of her eyelids. "I presumed that…and it's maybe because I'm human and don't quite 'bond' in the same way that you do…maybe I presumed that you could never have doubts or fears about us. About anything regarding us. That it would just be easy all the time."

With a hard swallow, he finished his thought. "Maybe I thought that it meant that we would just be…the same? I'm not sure if I'm making sense or if this is even what you -"

Pressing a finger to his lips to silence him (Keelah, he sounds like me!), she planted another soft kiss on his head. She felt the "butterflies" (as John had called them once) in her stomach finally settle down. Without realizing it, she placed a hand there as if to verify that this was so. Tali let out a small hum of contentment.

"John," she began with a voice low but oh so sweet that Shepard swore he could taste it, "this is what we mean by 'saera'." She tapped her chest with a finger while doing the same to him with her other hand. Keelah, she was so content in this moment. "It doesn't make things 'easy', but it does make them meaningful." She closed her eyes as she inhaled then exhaled a calming breath. Her hand pressed onto his chest, as the other mimicked the gesture on her own body. "This right here. What we've done? This understanding through communication, through talking, through…being able to understand and speak our feelings to each other…that is…so important." He opened his mouth as if to say something in reply, when she shook her head to stop him. "And…and I know that I'm not the best example of it, because of…well I guess because I lose people, John. And it's s-so hard sometimes to-"

"Tali. We've all lost people. It's nothing to be…ashamed of. And I know that you've…lost me…before, but that's not happening, Tali'Zorah." He kissed her forehead, lingering there for a moment. "And there's very little you could do to change that." A little laugh escaped his smile. "And I hate to break it to you, but 'communication' is key regardless of species." He gave her a peck on the lips. "But that doesn't make this any less special. Consider it an 'integral component' to all relationships. How about that?"

She nodded her agreement. "Yes, you're right. But do you not feel it more…powerfully? Because I feel peaceful, saera. Just so…peaceful. It's almost like…how do I say this without sounding ridiculous? It's almost like I could see my reflection on my soul."

As he thought on this, he wrapped his arms around her slender neck and pulled her in close to him. She shifted her hips away from him to be able to lean in closer. Burying his face in her hair, he inhaled her sweet scent deeply. With her own arms around his neck and hands clutching at his hair, he noticed the very contented low purr that began in her throat and escaped her lips.

He hummed in pleasure into her neck, before pulling away again.

Fuck, he thought with a hint of surprise, she was right. She is so right. All I have with her is peace. He smirked in satisfaction. And it's not like Tali has to give birth for us to have a family.

For a moment, he allowed himself to recall his youth. The bouncing around from one place to another. From one "family" to another until he just…fell out of the system, and into a "family" of violence. What he would have given -

"Tali, this isn't something that we have to decide now…but we can talk about other options, like adoption, if you're okay with that. I'd be lying if I said that I'd never thought about having a family of our own with you." He emphasized the reference to Tali, just to make sure that she knew that she was the only one with whom he'd ever had these thoughts. Again, he gave her a soft kiss. "But we will do it only if you're comfortable and if you want to. And Tali, please. Trust me on this: if we never have children, if we don't adopt, if it's just you and me forever, I will still be the happiest and luckiest man in the galaxy. Nothing could change that." He had held her hands as he had told her this. Again, he leaned in to whisper into her ear. "You're enough for me, Tali. More than enough. Anything else is just a bonus."

When he sat back to look at her face - the soft lavender skin, her glowing eyes, the two arched markings stretching from her eyebrows into her hairline - he saw what he believed to be the happiest, most contented expression he'd ever seen on this angel.

Getting up from her straddled position without another word, she gently pulled on his hand. It was indication enough that Shepard should follow her lead. Turns out it led directly to the large bed in the middle of the cabin.

In a matter of minutes both her suit and John's clothes were crumpled in a heap by his desk. When Tali felt him inside her, connected to each other, she knew that their only thoughts were of and for one another.