HARRY POTTER
AND THE DEATH EATER MENACE
Harry Potter and all associated characters and situations are the property of J.K. Rowling. I make no claim to ownership.
CHAPTER 15: Feasts, Electives and Student Organizations (pt 1)
1 September 1993
Hogwarts
Thankfully, the rest of the journey to Hogwarts was without incident, and Harry and his friends soon made their way to the castle. Once inside, as the other students were being ushered into the Great Hall, Harry told Blaise that he needed to go to the loo and to save him a seat. The other boy looked at him quizzically as if there were some imperceptible subtext he wasn't getting. Finally, he shrugged and nodded before heading inside while Harry walked to the nearest boy's restroom where he quickly checked to make sure no one else was present. Then, he hesitated as if somewhat embarrassed by what he was about to do before speaking out with a firm voice.
"Ahem! May I please speak with the house elf known as Tweak?" he said loudly. Nothing happened for several seconds, and accustomed as he was to Dobby's immediate arrival upon summoning, Harry assumed that the Slytherin house elf would not answer his call. But then to his surprise, there was a soft pop heralding the arrival of Tweak, a surprisingly serious-looking elf dressed in an apron covered in flour and who looked decidedly vexed at being summoned away from the feast preparations to answer a student's call.
"Begging the young master's pardon," Tweak said in a tone of voice that was firm, bordering on cold, "but house elveses are not to be answering calls from students. And particularly not during preparations for the Great Feast. Tweak has twenty shepherd's pies that have to come out of the oven very soon."
"Um, sorry, Tweak," Harry said with some embarrassment. "But Hoskins at Longbottom Manor said I could perhaps talk to you. As did some former Slytherin students you may recall. You see, I need a favor."
Tweak crooked an eyebrow in a manner that conveyed far more dubiousness than Harry had ever seen on a house elf's face before.
Meanwhile at the Ministry of Magic ...
There was a hard knock on the door to the Senior Undersecretary's office, which caused Dolores's head to jerk up suddenly. Swiftly, she pulled her wand and a small compact mirror out of her handbag, and with a quick spell, she fixed her runny mascara and restored her makeup to normalcy.
"Enter," she said somewhat shakily.
The door opened, and she fought back a grimace. It was James Potter, perhaps the last person she wanted to see this evening.
"Forgive the intrusion, Madam Umbridge," he said brusquely. "Minister Fudge has left to consult with the Muggle PM, and both his assistant and yours have gone for the day. I figured I might as well give a report on that debacle with the Hogwarts Express to someone and you're the only one still here."
"Of course, Chief Potter," she said with a sniff. "Do come in."
Potter entered the office and took a chair but then paused as he studied the woman before him. He wasn't sure but he suspected Umbridge had been crying.
"Madam Umbridge? Is ... is everything alright?" he asked hesitantly.
She chuckled and smiled at him wanly. "I think you know the answer to that, Chief Potter. You're the one here to deliver to me a report on my mistakes."
"Your mistakes?" he asked in confusion.
"Yes. I was, after all, the one who came up with the brilliant idea to manipulate the dementors by stationing them near Hogwarts, which apparently has had the effect of placing the entire student body in danger before they could even get through the front doors." James started to respond, but she continued before he could. "I want you to know, Lord Potter, that I have already tendered my resignation to Minister Fudge, but he has refused to accept it. His belief is that since no one on the train was actually harmed by the rogue dementor, it would be best to minimize the incident rather than undermine confidence in the government. Nevertheless ..."
"Dolores," James interrupted firmly. "Stop. This wasn't your fault. I wasn't happy with the dementor situation – no one is – but you and Cornelius made the best decision you could." He rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. He had not been prepared for the woman's reaction.
"And honestly, I don't think you're nearly to blame for what nearly happened as I am," he added almost dejectedly.
"You, Lord Potter?" Dolores said with surprise.
"Me. After all, I am Chief Auror. I was the one who decided that we needed a security presence at Platform 9 3/4. But like a complacent idiot, it never occurred to me to have an auror or two actually ride the Express to Hogsmeade just in case something happened. And please, call me James."
She nodded. "Very well ... James." She reached over and took his report. "I'll review this before I leave tonight and owl a copy to the Minister. But do we at least know what happened to cause the dementor to go rogue?"
James nodded. "Portkey malfunction, apparently. The two aurors assigned to the dementor activated their portkeys according to standard procedure to deliver it to the Forbidden Forest to join its fellow abominations. But something went wrong. Both of them were transported but the dementor got left behind on Platform 9 3/4! To be honest, we were kind of lucky that it decided to follow the train. It could have easily passed through the barrier to the Muggle part of King's Cross and Merlin knows how many it could have Kissed before anyone even knew what was happening."
Umbridge frowned. "But instead it flew halfway to Scotland and boarded the train ... apparently just to menace your sons?"
"So it seems. And yes, I find that detail as disturbing as you do."
Dolores shuddered.
Back at Hogwarts...
The Sorting had gone without incident. "Well, almost without incident," Harry thought to himself as he contemplated two new additions to Slytherin House. He had not been surprised to see both the Carrow sisters Sorted into Slytherin. He was intrigued but not overly concerned when he glanced over towards Cassius Warrington, the only other current student affiliated with House Selwyn and noticed that the boy seemed pale and nervous as he watched his cousins' Sortings. The surprise came when he happened to glance over at the Gryffindor table on the far side of the room and noticed Luna Lovegood looking back and forth between the Carrows with her hand over her mouth and her expression depicting what looked like revulsion. He made a mental note to inquire about that as soon as possible.
After the Carrows were seated, the rest of the Sorting went as expected, and so Harry spent the rest of his time catching up with friends. Blaise sat on one side of him, and Eighth Year Marcus Flint sat on the other in the position usually reserved for Theo. As for Mr. No-Name himself, the outcast was presently sitting alone at the end of the long table closest to the teachers with several empty seats separating him from the rest of his house. Harry had claimed a seat in the exact middle of the Slytherin table, with his friends, allies, and the majority of the Quidditch team clustered around him. Conveniently, all the Slytherins who Harry privately referred to as "Junior Death Eaters" sat together at the end farthest from the teachers.
After the Sorting's conclusion, Dumbledore rose and led a round of applause for the new First Years. "And now, I have a few announcements, one of which is quite serious, so I will break with tradition and present it first before you all become befuddled by our excellent feast ..."
He cleared his throat and continued. "As you are all no doubt no well aware after the incident which took place on the Hogwart's Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the dementors of Azkaban, who are here on Ministry business." For a change, his eyes weren't twinkling at all. From what Harry had divined, the Headmaster was not at all happy about the dementors' presence but apparently was given no choice in the matter.
"They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds, with most of their number floating above the Forbidden Forest. And while they are with us, I must make it plain that no one is to leave school without permission. Dementors cannot be fooled by tricks or disguises – or even Invisibility Cloaks." He added the last bit nonchalantly, but everyone at the Gryffindor table immediately turned to look at Jim Potter who did his best to look innocent.
"It is not in the nature of a dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. Furthermore, in light of developments from this past term, the school has revised its curriculum as pertains to the Patronus Charm, the only Charm capable of repelling dementors. The Patronus Charm will henceforth be part of the curriculum for all NEWT level DADA students, and special evening classes will be offered for younger students who wish to attempt to master this admittedly difficult Charm. These classes will be under the auspices of the DADA instructor and his teaching assistant, Mr. Marcus Flint, who has deigned to return to Hogwarts this year to aid us with this special project." At that, Harry led a round of applause for the embarrassed Marcus that was joined by the entire Slytherin table followed by the rest of the student body.
"And since I have mentioned the DADA instructor, allow me to move on to some more pleasant announcements. This year, we have three new members of the Hogwarts staff to introduce. First, consenting to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is the former Chief of the British Auror Corps, Professor Rufus Scrimgeour." The other man rose and nodded in response to the warm applause he received.
"As to our second new appointment," Dumbledore continued. "Well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs. However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties."
Everyone clapped at that as well, though there were some looks of confusion among students who hadn't bothered to inquire as to who had assigned them the Monster Book of Monsters without instructions on how to open it without getting bitten. Harry, being far more astute than the typical student, had asked Snape during one of the man's visits to Longbottom Manor. Kettleburn apparently had chosen retirement because he had felt embarrassed by his failure to identify "Slytherin's Monster" as a basilisk from the few clues available and even more embarrassed when he had actually been the first to fall victim to the creature when it attacked the teacher's lounge during the prior term. His announcement had caught Dumbledore by surprise, and the Headmaster had pulled a lot of strings to get Hagrid a temporary teaching certificate rather than be forced to accept whoever the Ministry decided to impose on the school. Privately, Snape was unhappy about the appointment but also believed that it was just temporary and that Dumbledore was stalling until Wilhemina Grubbly-Plank, the current CoMC instructor at Beauxbatons and a Hogwarts graduate, finished her current teaching contract and could take over for Hagrid. Snape also advised Harry that while Hagrid was highly knowledgeable about magical creatures, he himself was big, strong, practically bulletproof, and immune to poisons, which meant he would likely have no appreciation for how fragile his students would be in the face of Class XXX or higher creatures.
"And finally," Dumbledore continued, "as most of you may know, our former caretaker, Mr. Filch has ... moved on for other job opportunities." At that, the Headmaster was interrupted by the loudest applause thus far. "Yes, yes. I share your fondness for Mr. Filch and your delight that he has found happiness elsewhere. But now, I would like to introduce you all to his replacement, Mr. Malachi Sturgeon!"
At the far end of the staff table, a man who Harry had not noticed before rose. He was dressed in shabby clothes and holding a cat that looked even uglier and more bad-tempered than Mrs. Norris had. He had shaggy light-brown hair and a short beard, and he practically sneered as he surveyed the student body, perhaps in response to the applause which was far more tepid than Hagrid had received. Or perhaps that was just the man's nature. Harry had no idea if Malachi Sturgeon was related to Filch, but in terms of personality, they seemed eerily similar.
"Now finally, before we all dig in, let me say a few final words: Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak!" With a flash, the usual cornucopia of foodstuffs appeared on the tables, and the students dove in. Harry thought for a second and then barked out an amused laugh.
"What's so funny?" Daphne asked. "Dumbledore has made that exact same quip for the last three years."
"More like the last eight, at least," Marcus added as he helped himself to some boiled potatoes.
"Yeah," said Harry as he glanced towards the Headmaster. "But this is the first year I actually got the joke."
He didn't explain any further, but privately, Harry wondered if he was the only current student who knew that Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, and Tweak were actually the names of the four Hogwarts house elves assigned to supervise the specific needs of the four Hogwarts houses, and that Dumbledore's little joke was actually their cue to convey the food the elves had prepared to the Great Hall. And with a smile, he also wondered how Jim, Ron, Neville and Hermione would react to knowing that the chief Gryffindor house elf was called Nitwit.
After the Feast, the students made their way to their dorms. Once inside the dungeon, all the Slytherins waited patiently for Snape to deliver his opening remarks for the year. Unsurprisingly in light of recent events, they were somewhat different than normal.
"As you all no doubt realize," he said after getting the initial pleasantries out of the way, "one of our Slytherins now suffers from ... an unusual condition, one which will cause many of you to develop a psychically imposed dislike for him. One so powerful that you may feel the need to lash out at him publicly." At that, a great many of the Slytherin students turned to look at Theo who was standing in the back corner of the room by himself. Many of the looks seemed quite hostile, but if Theo felt intimidated, it did not show in the slightest. For their part, neither Harry nor Blaise looked in his direction but instead remained focused on their Head of House.
"However, the Headmaster has made it clear that no allowances will be made for those who violate the school's policies on bullying and hexing fellow students simply because of the unnatural origin of your feelings. Accordingly, whatever personal animus you may discover for the student in question, you will not take any actions towards him that will result in any loss of House points or any embarrassment to Slytherin house. Shun him, if you must, but any overt violence or mistreatment directed towards him that is brought to my attention will also earn my personal ire. If such should happen and you find yourself in detention with me, expect to be treated as I would treat ... well, let's just say as I would treat the typical Gryffindor sent to me for punishment."
At that, a surprising number of students visibly shuddered. Snape completed his remarks and then the Slytherins were sent off to their dorms. The five Third Year boys made their way in silence down the twisting corridors that led to their rooms, and as the school had announced during the summer, they each now had a separate room with their names printed on their respective doors. Theo's room was at one end with Crabbe and Goyle's rooms at the opposite end and Harry's room in the middle. Theo entered his private room, idly wondering what wards he could put on it to keep interlopers from breaking in. Once inside, he flopped onto his bed and exhaled. So far, the first day had gone better than he'd expected, but it looked like it was going to be a long year. He had actually written to Harry, Blaise, and his other Slytherin friends, instructing them to avoid him until they knew the lay of the land, and he'd been pleased to have made some new friends in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff who seemed interested in protecting him when he was outside of the dungeon. But in the dungeon, he was isolated and vulnerable, and he still didn't know what could be done about it.
Suddenly, his gloomy thoughts were interrupted by a creaking sound coming from his right. Out of reflex, he pulled his wand and pointed in that direction. To his surprise, a part of the wall opened inwards like a door, and then Harry Potter and Blaise Zabini stepped through, the latter carrying a small cardboard box.
"What the ...? Harry! Blaise!" Theo jumped up in surprise, as Harry stepped forward with a grin and pulled him into a hug. Blaise was less emotive, but he still shook Theo's hand warmly.
"So, I'm not even going to guess. How in Merlin's name did you get a secret passage into my room installed?" the boy asked.
Harry gave a self-satisfied smile. "Nothing to it. I just asked a house elf very nicely, and he installed it. Apparently, it's basically nothing for a house elf high up enough in their hierarchy to rearrange the architecture of certain parts of the castle. Tweak had already been given authority by Dumbledore to reconfigure the dungeons to give us separate rooms, and it was no problem for him to make a few additional modifications so that we can come and go with some discretion."
"Tweak?" Theo asked in amazement. "And what other modifications?"
Harry didn't answer. Instead, with a smug expression, he walked around Theo's bed to the opposite wall and pulled on a sconce. A second hidden door opened up leading to a dark corridor.
"Right," Harry said. "This way. LUMOS!" Without further explanation, he led his two friends down a dark winding corridor which eventually ended in another door that opened onto the end of Prefect's Row, right next to the door to the Prince's Lair.
"I figured maybe we were placing too much strain on the Lair's Notice-Me-Not defenses. Last year, Miranda Bonnevie figured out that we were spending a lot of time down this way, even if she never could imagine there was a secret room down here. This way, we can come and go as we please without attracting any attention."
"Particularly since you don't know yet if Titus Mitchell and Serena Harper will be as eager to join your little cabal as Marcus and Missy were," Blaise added.
Harry frowned. "Yeah, there is that. I feel good about Serena. She technically owes me for her being Prefect. Titus is another matter. But that's something to worry about later." With that, Harry turned to the Hydra Throne and hissed out an affectionate greeting. The nine snake-heads each hissed their replies, some friendlier than others. Meanwhile, Blaise set his box down on the table and removed two small objects which he placed on the floor against the wall. After two quick Finites, they instantly grew into a Wizarding Wireless and an enchanted mini-fridge which Blaise then opened to retrieve three ice-cold butterbeers.
"Okay then," Harry said as he popped the top off of his butterbeer before sitting down opposite his two friends. "Now lets brainstorm on how we beat this Ultimate Sanction rubbish."
Much later, the three boys returned to their respective rooms. It was nearly midnight, and Harry was ready for bed when he heard a soft chime coming from his trunk. He shook his head, annoyed at his forgetfulness. He'd promised to check in as soon as he was settled. He opened the trunk, and from a small compartment, he removed a handheld silver mirror. He tapped it three times and the chiming stopped. Then, the mirror's surface rippled and changed to replace Harry's reflection with the image of Regulus Black.
"Hey, Regulus," Harry said. "I'm sorry I forgot to check in. It's been a long day."
"That's alright, Harry. Sirius has already fallen asleep, but do please call him in the morning or he'll whine about it all day."
"Sure thing. Also, your idea worked like a charm. Tweak remembered both you and Mr. Malfoy, and has agreed to do me some minor favors on your behalf, at least until I become Prince myself. There's now a secret passage that leads to the Lair."
"Good," Regulus said. "I wasn't entirely sure that would work. Neither Lucius nor I needed such innovations. We were already prefects when we each became Prince so getting to the Lair discreetly wasn't an issue. We both just abused our authority over Tweak to get free snacks delivered to the Lair." He paused. "I haven't mentioned this to Sirius, but what's this I've heard about a dementor on the Hogwarts Express."
Harry laid back on the bed and began his tale.
2 September 1993
Divination Class
To Hermione Granger's surprise, Divination was one of the more popular electives – so much so that it was one of the few electives that actually had separate classes for each of the four Houses, as opposed to the far more demanding Ancient Runes class which was so sparsely attended that all four Houses could met as one. From what Blaise had told her, this was because the Divination instructor was incompetent and would accept as an answer to an exam question nearly anything from a student who was, as he put it, "a committed bullshit artist." In other words, it was an easy O.
And so it was that she found herself sharing a stuffy, incense-choked classroom with nearly every Gryffindor Third Year. She and Neville were sharing a small table and seated rather uncomfortably on overstuffed cushions, and the experience reminded her of when her parents had taken her to a particularly bad Moroccan restaurant many years before. Her impression did not improve when Professor Sibyl Trelawney, complete with Coke-bottle glasses and a voluminous shawl that made her look like a stock gypsy caricature from a bad Hollywood movie, entered the room.
"Welcome!" she said. "How nice to see you in the physical world at last. My name is Sibyl Trelawney. You may not have seen me before. I find that descending too often into the hustle and bustle of the main school clouds my Inner Eye."
No one said anything, though Ron and Jim looked at one another as if each were daring the other to snicker out loud. Undaunted, Trelawney continued.
"So you have chosen to study Divination, the most difficult of all magical arts. I must warn you at the outset that if you do not have the Sight, there is very little I will be able to teach you. Books can only take you so far in this field ..."
At that, nearly the entire class glanced at Hermione, the notorious Gryffindor bookworm, who sat primly on her cushion, seemingly unfazed by the teacher's remarks.
"Many witches and wizards, talented though they are in the area of loud bangs and smells and sudden disappearings, are yet unable to penetrate the veiled mysteries of the future. It is a Gift granted to few." Suddenly, she turned on Neville. "You, boy! Is your grandmother well?"
Neville swallowed. "I think so."
Trelawney looked doubtful. "I wouldn't be so sure if I were you, dear." Neville gulped, and Hermione looked back and forth between the two with a frown.
Seemingly oblivious to the effect her ominous words had on Neville, the professor moved on to outlining the curriculum, stopping only briefly to give Parvati Patil an enigmatic warning about a red-haired man. She finished with a prediction of a nasty bout of flu that would be coming in February, followed by a warning that "around Easter, one of our number will leave use forever." Then, she began the day's class on reading tea leaves before asking Lavender Brown to fetch her a large tea pot from a shelf.
"Incidentally, that thing you are dreading – it will happen on Friday the sixteenth of October."
Lavender trembled, and Hermione's frown deepened into a scowl. Trelawney gave a brief overview of how to properly read tea leaves according to Unfogging the Future before directing the students to each take teacups for themselves. "Oh, and dear," she said to Neville as he rose to his feet, "after you've broken your first cup, would you be so kind as to select one of the blue-patterned ones? I'm rather attached to the pink."
Somewhat befuddled by her comment, Neville headed over to the shelf containing the tea cups to be used in the day's lesson, with Hermione following close behind. Meanwhile, Trelawney went to a corner to retrieve a broom and dustpan only to freeze in surprise on her way back. As she had predicted, Neville did indeed knock a teacup off the shelf ... only for it to practically fall into Hermione's hand before she smoothly replaced it on the shelf and then selected a cup of her own.
"Whew!" said Neville. "Thanks, Hermione. That would have been embarrassing."
As the two made their way back to their seats, Trelawney stared at them both while still holding the unneeded broom and dustpan. For several seconds, a nervous silence descended over the room as the professor stared practically slackjawed. Finally, Hermione coughed delicately.
"Is there ... a problem, Professor Trelawney?" she asked cautiously.
"You caught the cup before it fell," Trelawney said as if Hermione had performed some heretofore impossible feat of magic. "How?"
Hermione blinked a few times at the question. "Um, well, you did just say that Neville would break a teacup. I assumed you meant that as a prophecy, so I paid attention in case he did knock something over, and luckily, I was standing next to him and could catch it in time." Trelawney continued to stare. "Was that ... wrong, Professor?"
Trelawney's face crumpled as if she were suddenly on the verge of tears. "Oh, my child. My wonderful child. Please forgive me. When you first came in, I perceived very little aura around you. Very little receptivity to the resonances of the future. Yet now, I realize that your Inner Eye is much more perspicacious than I had realized."
"It is?" Hermione asked somewhat dubiously.
"Most definitely, my dear. Indeed, you may well have the markings of a truly gifted seer!"
"I may?" Hermione asked even more dubiously.
"Oh yes, most definitely!" Trelawney turned to address the whole class. "All of you, pay close attention to this gifted young prophetess! I believe we shall all see great things from her."
And indeed, everyone in the classroom focused their attention on Hermione Granger, Seer, who blushed rather profusely at all the attention. When Trelawney moved away to resume her lesson, Hermione leaned over towards Neville who was regarding her with a mild awe.
"I think if I had it to do over again," she whispered. "I'd have just let the cup hit the floor."
Soon after, however, the excitement over Hermione the Seer was eclipsed by a new controversy, as the leaves in Jim Potter's teacup appeared to show both a raven and a rat, which Professor Trelawney identified as omens of gloom, despondency, treachery, failure and death. Indeed, she was so overcome by the dire portents she saw in Jim's cup that she ended class after just twenty minutes, and a grim and frightened mood settled over most of the Gryffindors and especially Jim (but not Hermione who insisted that she didn't see either a raven or a rat in the tea leaves but instead just two indistinct smudges). Indeed, the pall over the class did not lift until the start of their first Transfiguration lesson, at which point Professor McGonagall bluntly told the class that Trelawney had predicted a student's death every year she'd been employed at the school and so far none of those predictions had come true. On the bright side, if Jim happened to die at any point, he would be excused from that day's homework assignment.
Care of Magical Creatures
Soon, Hermione's status as Sybil Trelawney's new protégé was all over the school, with several students asking her to make predictions which she flatly refused to do. Not even for Lavender Brown who was in terror over the prospect of "that thing" she was dreading happening in only six weeks time, even though the girl couldn't actually identify anything that she was actually "dreading" at the moment. Finally, Hermione ordered Lavender to sit down at lunch and make a list of all the things she was worried about and they'd go over it in their dorm room later that night. Later that afternoon, she finally had a class with Harry and Blaise, both of whom were bemused by her new reputation. As she neared the muddy paddock where their first CoMC class was to be held, she could hear Jim, Ron and Neville discussing their Divination class with Harry and Blaise.
"Good afternoon, Seeress Granger," Blaise called out mockingly. "Any predictions about what will happen in our first Care of Magical Creatures class under our new and potentially hazardous professor?"
"No," she said irritably. "Only a prediction about what will happen to you if you keep calling me Seeress Granger."
All the boys laughed. "Seriously, though," said Harry. "What happened?"
The girl shrugged. "Professor Trelawney made some sort of vague prediction about Neville breaking a teacup. I happened to be standing next to him when he knocked one off a shelf, and I caught it. Which apparently is enough to make me the new Oracle of Delphi."
"Come on, Hermione," said Neville. "It was pretty awesome how you caught that cup and just put it back on the shelf as if it were nothing."
"It was nothing," she said with a huff. "Neville, you learning the Patronus Charm by the age of twelve is awesome. Me catching a cup before it hit the floor after someone had just told me it might get knocked of? Is not!"
Their discussion was cut short when Hagrid arrived, and after a brief introduction, he asked everyone to open their books.
"How?!" Pansy Parkinson asked in an obnoxious tone as she brandished her copy of The Monster Book of Monsters which was bound up with a thick leather belt. Even still, it growled angrily through its bindings.
"Did yeh not figger out how to open yer book?" Hagrid asked in surprise. "Ye gots to rub the spine!"
"Well how were we supposed to know that!" Pansy said furiously only to look around in shock as she realized that every other student present either already had their books open or were otherwise still in the process of rubbing the spines of their books to calm them. Even Crabbe and Goyle had seemingly solved the problem.
"Hmm. Looks ter me like ever'one else had no problems with 'em. One point from Slytherin fer bein' unprepared."
"To be fair, Mr. Hagrid," said Lavender Brown. "I only know how to open my book because Hermione sent me a letter telling me how." There was mumbled agreement from the entire class who all sheepishly admitted that the young Muggleborn had sent each of them an owl to let them know how to open their CoMC books. For her part, Hermione claimed that she'd been stumped herself until she sent an owl to the publisher, and she forwarded the proper instructions to the others. Even Crabbe and Goyle had gotten a letter from her as they both sheepishly admitted.
"Well why didn't you send a letter to me?!" Parkinson whined.
"I don't know, Parkinson," Hermione replied loftily. "Perhaps because in our first two years at school, you and I haven't had more than four conversations, and none at all in which you didn't insult my parentage with some vulgarity."
Pansy's mouth opened but nothing came out. "Ack!" she finally said.
With the issue of how to open the textbooks resolved, Hagrid proceeded into the lesson which, to the amazement of the class, was about hippogriffs. All of the students seemed both awestruck and terrified by the herd of magnificent winged beasts that the half-giant escorted out of the woods. He then gave a brief but thorough (and surprisingly erudite, for Hagrid anyway) lecture on the creatures before explaining how to safely approach one. In particular, it was vitally important to be "polite" and "respectful" because hippogriffs could sense disrespect and even become violent in response to insults despite not being able to truly understand human speech.
Most of the class paid rapt attention, but Pansy Parkinson seemed to be ignoring Hagrid completely in favor of angrily whispering to Crabbe and Goyle, both of whom were trying to ignore her. Apparently, she was still miffed that none of her fellow Slytherins warned her about how to open her textbook.
"Shhh!" Hermione finally hissed at the other girl when her whispers became too loud. In response, Pansy stuck out her tongue, causing Hermione to roll her eyes in exasperation.
"Right then," Hagrid said after completing his lecture and then untying one of the hippogriffs. "Who wants to go first? We'll start with Buckbeak here." Sensibly, most of the class took a step back. All except Jim Potter, who looked around in surprise and confusion as he realized he was now at the front of the group by himself.
"Oh what the heck," he said amiably. "I'll do it. Just nobody tell my Mum." And with that, the Boy-Who-Lived strode forward confidently while trying to ignore the whispers behind him about that morning's "death omens."
"Remember, Jim," Harry called out. "Be polite and respectful. You know, sort of the opposite of how you normally act."
Jim snickered at that, but once he drew near the proud hippogriff, his good cheer faded about and he swallowed nervously. Fortunately for him, he had paid close attention to the lecture and continued to listen carefully to Hagrid's every instruction. He bowed before the hippogriff respectfully, and after one long tense moment, Buckbeak bowed back to him. Soon after, a pleased Hagrid lifted Jim off the ground and planted him on Buckbeak's back, and to the boy's surprise and delight, the hippogriff took off and carried him on a quick flight around the area.
"Dammit," Harry muttered sourly. "Now I'll have to do the same thing just to maintain social parity with Jim."
"Come on, Harry," said Ron. "Why wouldn't you want to fly a hippogriff now that you know it's safe?"
Harry snorted. "Because there's a difference between seeing my brother do something and 'knowing it's safe.' We both know my sense of self-preservation is much more highly developed than his."
As Jim came in for a landing, Pansy snorted contemptuously. "Honestly, there's obviously nothing to it. If he can get one of those smelly beasts to do his bidding, anyone can!"
"Did you even listen to a single word Professor Hagrid said about how to handle a hippogriff?" Hermione asked in an irritated voice.
"Hmmf! If he's a professor, I'm Circe reborn!" the Pureblood spat hatefully. "And anyway, no one asked you." She didn't say "Mudblood" aloud, but she did mouth it where only Hermione could see before stalking away from the others and towards the hippogriff that Jim had just ridden.
"It's like arguing with a dining room table!" Hermione muttered softly through her gritted teeth. "A bigoted inbred dining room table!"
Jim practically ran up to Ron, Harry, and Blaise in excitement while several other students were cautiously making their to the paddock and the other hippogriffs. While he started talking animatedly and answering the other boys' questions, Hermione edged over to them, never taking her eyes off Pansy's departing form.
"So what was it like?" Harry said.
"Um, guys?" Hermione said.
"Ha! Like riding a big smelly broom with no stabilizers, and one that you couldn't grab with your hands without making it mad at you!"
"So like riding a Cleansweep?" Ron asked in apparent seriousness.
"Filthy beast! I'll show them how it's done!" Pansy said to no one.
"Guys?!" Hermione said more urgently.
"I wonder if you can saddle and bridle a hippogriff," Blaise said speculatively.
"And when this class is over, I'm going straight to the Owlery to let Daddy know all about this disgusting halfbreed teacher!" Pansy grumbled loudly to herself.
"Harry?! Blaise?!" Hermione said with very great urgency.
"Just a second, Hermione," Harry answered without looking at her. "From the way Hagrid talked, I wouldn't think they would tolerate a saddle."
"Yeah," Jim added. "Besides, I don't see how a horse's bridle would work on an animal with a beak."
"Jim?! Ron?!" Hermione said almost frantically as Pansy strode up to Buckbeak.
"After all, if Jim Potter could do it, any idiot could! Isn't that right, you big stupid brute!"
"RAAAAAAWCK!"
"AAAAAHH!"
"PROTEGO!"
With that, everyone finally noticed what was going on as a brilliant shield materialized between Pansy Parkinson and the furious Buckbeak just a second before his mighty talons could strike the girl. Surprised by the magical barrier, Buckbeak jumped back even as Parkinson fell backwards to the ground. Instantly, Hermione released her shield and cast another spell. "ACCIO STUPID GIRL!"
In response, Parkinson slid through almost thirty feet of muddy soil and hippogriff droppings before coming to a stop at Hermione's feet. Meanwhile, Hagrid ran forward and grappled Buckbeak around the neck before it could pursue the girl.
"What is wrong with you?!" Hermione exclaimed in a fury. "Hagrid just said you have to be polite with a hippogriff or it might attack! Are you stupid, suicidal or both?!"
"How dare you talk to me that way, you filthy ...!" Pansy began only to freeze at the sight of Hermione's wand pointed right between her eyes.
"Do not use that word around me, Pansy Parkinson. Not after I just saved your miserable hide from getting ripped apart by a hippogriff due to your own blazing stupidity!"
"Ere now," Hagrid called out. "What happened over 'er?" He had just gotten Buckbeak calmed down and was heading over to where Hermione and Pansy were in a stand-off. Soon, other children were gathering around as well. To her surprise, Pansy didn't seem to have much backup. Trying to salvage her wounded pride, she turned on Hagrid angrily.
"What happened, 'Professor,' is that your wretched hippogriff, that we should have never been exposed to as Third Years, nearly killed me!"
"No," Hermione interrupted coolly. "What happened is that this idiot marched up to Buckbeak and called it 'a big stupid brute' and then was surprised when it attacked her because she completely ignored the lecture at the start of class!"
"Ye called a hippogriff a big stupid brute!" Hagrid bellowed. "Ye'r lucky you tweren't torn limb from limb!"
"Hah! So you admit it!" Pansy exclaimed victoriously. "I could have been killed because of your incompetence!"
"But you weren't, though," Harry said in a speculative tone. "Because Hermione saved your life."
"How did you get a shield spell up so fast?" Parvati asked in a somewhat awestruck tone.
Hermione waved off the question. "It was nothing. I realized at once what was about to happen and was ready for it."
Lavender gasped. "Ah! I knew it! You are a Seer. You foresaw Pansy getting killed and saved her! Just like Neville's cup!"
"What?!" Hermione did a double-take. "No. No, no, no. No! I didn't foresee anything. I just observed a rude obnoxious girl striding up to an animal that attacks people who insult it and realized what would happen. That's not divination. It's just ... common sense!"
"Nevertheless," Harry said. "You did save Pansy's life, didn't you?"
"Oh, I don't know," Hermione shrugged. "She might have just been hurt or something. I'm sure Madam Pomfrey could have patched her up with no problem."
"Don't you dare try to minimize the threat to my life!" Pansy shouted before turning back to Hagrid. "Your beast nearly killed me!"
"Indeed," Harry continued with a smile. "Was anyone else paying attention to Pansy? Did anyone else even have a wand out?"
The answer to both questions seemed to be 'no.' Suddenly, Blaise grinned as he figured out what Harry had already realized. "Oh, Harry. Please tell me you're thinking what I'm thinking!"
"What?" Pansy said in a low suspicious voice. "What are you thinking?"
Harry turned to her with a slightly evil smile. "I'm thinking, Pansy Parkinson, that you have just declared in front of witnesses that you would have died just now had you not been saved by Hermione Granger, who was the only one who was in a position to save you. I'm thinking that as a result, Pansy, you owe Hermione a life debt."
"WHAT?!" Pansy and Hermione exclaimed in unison. Hermione turned back angrily at the other girl only to watch in amazement as Pansy fainted dead away.
Hermione gave a sigh of deep frustration. "First Neville's cup. Now this. It's like I'm being punished for doing good deeds."
"A valuable and important realization, Granger," said Blaise with a grin. "Finally, you're starting to think like a Slytherin."
Next: "Part 2." Ancient Runes! Scrimgeour's first class! SPAM! Oh, and has anyone else been wondering what Peter's been up to?
AN1: Parts of Dumbledore's speech, Trelawney's introduction and Hagrid's first class were taken from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Pretty much all the bits that sound familiar.
AN2: To my astonishment and delight, "A Well-Groomed Mind" has started updating again. It is one of my favorite HP fics and has had a significant though indirect impact on the development of the POS-verse, but has been inactive for many years. A warning though – it is heavy on Dumbledore and Ron Weasley bashing (less so on the rest of the Weasleys), though said bashing is far more sophisticated and better executed than is usually the case.