Returning to Daniel's side, Killua tells his partner what he's learned from their previous teachers, as well as Nathaniel.
A\N: This will be the last chapter I post for a few weeks as I'll be going on a short hiatus. I'll be moving houses and need a few weeks to get set up and comfortable. I'll be back roughly mid-September, with the next part of the Arc ready :)
Killua walked back into their bedroom, finding Daniel sleeping soundly on the bed. It warmed his heart to see the boy at peace. As he got closer, he noticed his pillow was missing.
He found it in Daniel's arms; the boy was pressing it close to his face, just under his nose where he could most likely, breathe in whatever scent was lingering on the pillow. With a faint blush, Killua sat on top of the bed, roping his fingers through his boyfriend's hair.
Eventually, Daniel began to stir and, in a half, groggy state, he muttered a question "Where did you go…?"
"I made a few phone calls."
Daniel turned his head slightly, looking up at his partner with a smile, "I missed you…"
"Oh, am I still talking to sleepy Daniel?" Killua offered a cheeky smile. His boyfriend was half dead from this world, he still hadn't realised what was in his arms. Killua brought his hand to the side of the boy's face.
He nuzzled into the action, sighing in relief at the touch.
"How are you feeling?"
"I believe you'd want me to say… thoroughly fucked."
"Yup, you're in unashamed sleepy mode…" Killua ran his fingers along the boy's face and down his shoulder, trying to rouse the boy into a more aware state. Sleepy Daniel is all fun and games, but he needs his partner to be awake for this discussion, "come on… up you get."
Daniel groaned as he sat upright, the pillow still in his hands as rubbed the tiredness away from his eyes. With a silent yawn, the boy spoke with a little more awareness in his words, "What was the calls about."
"With the ideas, we threw back and forth at each other, I brought them up with Wing-San, Nathaniel and Bisky."
"How did it go…?" Daniel looked at his partner, wanting to nuzzle his face in the boy's chest, but the prospect of him falling asleep on it, was very likely in his state.
"I have good news and bad news… The good news is it's possible to achieve…"
"The bad news…?"
"It's extremely difficult, at least for the reason we want to implement it for."
Daniel reached over, touching his partner's hand. He interlocked their fingers before speaking up, "Tell me… If it's possible, I want to at least try."
Killua offered his partner a comforting smile, "I'm glad to hear that you're not ready to give up. So, here's what they said."
Killua went over the limited facts, talking about what Wing and Biscuit told him. He could see Daniel's face slowly morph, dropping from how difficult it was going to be. Considering what the older woman told him, they needed absolute trust in each other. They needed to be prepared to be forthcoming with everything, from their fears… to their wants and needs.
It can't just be love and affection, they need to tell each other their pain…
They needed to be prepared, that things they don't want to hear about will be needed to be addressed.
"As of now, Nathaniel doesn't know any Nen abilities similar to what we want to do, but he's looking into it." Squeezing his partner's hand, he gave the boy a reassuring smile.
Daniel brought his head to Killua's chest, "So we have to tell each other everything…"
As the boy gave a nod, he stroked his partner's hair "Unfortunately, that's the case for us. I don't even think we can keep secrets or surprises with each other."
"We also have the problem with you still recovering your memories of when we first met. That might have an impact on this working…"
"Yeah… that would at least mess it up for me on my end. I need a few more pieces and I could complete the jigsaw puzzle."
"What are you missing?"
"Mainly what I was thinking at the time… what was going on in my head? I believe once I remember our final moments before we departed from each other, I'll be able to at least create a working theory. I may even figure out why we have this string of aura…"
"I thought I was the one, who originally made it…"
"You might have been the original creator, but how is it staying locked to me? I, or at least you would've needed to tie it down somehow. The fact that it's staying connected, even after having you lost your memories, means I was still holding onto it somehow…"
"Then…" Daniel began to speak, but he found himself lost in his thoughts. Then this might have been created on mutual grounds. This could be an interesting turn of events… he was interested to find out the reason Killua made the connection on his end.
The problem now is, what exactly do they do next? Improving themselves is one thing… but telling each other everything is another. It's not that he doesn't trust Killua, it's that he knows the two of them to have things they rather not say.
There are a few things he wants to forget about himself, ones that he knows Killua will laugh at him for.
"We don't have to start today… we can start tomorrow… or the day after, as long as we're ready to say everything one day." Great, thinking about it is a disaster in the waiting… there are fantasies I rather keep to myself, and I'm sure Daniel wouldn't want to hear about my training when I was younger. I told him a few things, and after hearing some of them did make him upset…
"We have to tell our deepest secrets, huh…"
"That's the unfortunate requirement."
"How about you tell me a couple of things."
Killua looked at his partner mortified, "Why me first…?"
"Because I want to hear more about you…" The boy tilted his head slightly, now looking into his boyfriend's eyes, "I want to know exactly how open we need to be."
"I…" Killua felt his cheeks burning at the thought, but this could be a great wakeup call for him, "I want to put you in a maid's outfit and women's lingerie, just so I can see if it's a type of fetish we would enjoy…"
Daniel's eyes widened. Wow… just wow… we'd have to go even deeper than that… "Wow…" He couldn't believe his ears, this was one of Killua's many thoughts, and that probably wasn't the worst thing he wants to say.
"I think it could be fun…" Killua felt embarrassed for admitting it could be a fun time for the two of them, but he could see the uncomfortableness his partner's posture. Daniel wouldn't like to do that… maybe even at all "Although, that's on the mild end, but at least that's an idea of what we would need to be open about to each other… It's something I know that you don't want to hear right now, at least, until we're closer in terms of needs and desires."
"I guess… if you're willing to tell me something like that, I at least have to be open as well."
"You don't have to say-"
"I should at least say something…" Daniel interjected, eyes diverted away from his partner. If this was to work, Killua can't be the only one open about these things.
"Alright… but I'll say this before you say anything on the matter. Whatever you throw at me, I'll learn to accept it… even if I don't like it…"
"I once wore a frilly dress…"
Killua stopped stroking his partner hair, to now see his expression. Was it fear or embarrassment he'll see in Daniel's eyes?
"When I was around four, my dad, Vastorie, put me in a frilly princess-style dress. It had one of those long, obnoxious, pointed cone hats with… I believe it's a thick string of silk flowing down from the tip, to give you a better picture. It was for a Halloween party; I didn't like the reaction I received for wearing it… it's probably the main reason I didn't go to a school… kids were laughing at me. Vastorie thought I looked adorable in it, but considering I was crying about it the same night… I think my parents even argued about it, a civil one… they didn't get into a screaming match over it, but Vastorie didn't try something like that again. I did wear a dress once more after that, but that was a completely different reason…"
"I'm… sorry, you had to go through with that."
"It's a part of my past… Knowing Vastorie at the time, I would've wanted to wear it in the first place. But it would've been his idea to wear it in the first place, not mine…"
"Let's add that to the reasons why I dislike Vastorie. He doesn't think things through…"
Daniel squeezed his partner's hand, "So you, wanting me to try… wearing a maid's outfit, panties and all… does make me a little scared."
Killua offered his partner a smile "Good!"
"Why?"
"No, I mean this is good… being open like this. We're telling each other things we don't want to say or hear. It's what Bisky said that should, in theory, make our bond stronger."
Daniel offered a nod in response, his body trembling from the thought that they'd need to continue this conversation another day.
"Well, I'm pooped. How about we have some dinner? We get something in your stomach as we tell Alluka about our situation. We don't have to tell her all our secrets, we just need her to be aware, that there are going to be times when we're awkward around each other… or even upset."
"I don't think I could be upset at you…"
"What about my fantasy? Does that not make you upset that I want to do something with you, that in the past cause you grief?"
"I'm older now though… I've seen and been a part of things that have made me uncomfortable. But I still want to be with you… and if that means one day, like, I'm some random maid you hired to clean our room, but in reality, it's because you wanted to fuck me… so be it."
Killua's member twitched at the thought, "are you being serious…"
"Well, to be fair, I agreed to you making love to me in the middle of a forest. So… yeah, that's not out of the world of possibilities."
"Wait… Wait…" Killua brought his hand down to the boy's shoulder, "Are you serious… You're not fucking with me, right?"
Daniel sat upright, smiling widely. He dropped the pillow so he could hold his partner's hands "Even if you told me things, I don't want to hear… or do, for that matter, I'm not gonna stop liking you. It's going to be difficult getting used to being this open, but at the same time, I get to learn a lot of things about you… I care about you as a person. I want to continue being with you… I want-"
He didn't get to say another word, all he felt was a pair of lips against his. Killua was excited to hear that many of his fantasies could come true, but the thing that got him the most excited was that this trust was going to be much harder to break…
Pulling away, Killua's smile grew, "So what you're telling me is, we're in this together…"
"Well, yeah… I madly in love with you. If we need to be a little more open to each other for this to work… so be it. But even if you told me you had a fantasy involving a gang bang between myself, you and Gon… let add Sakura and Iason to the mix for the sake of it, I don't want to get upset at you for a thought… it's stupid… It's…"
Daniel threw up his arms in frustration, "It's pointless! A relationship shouldn't be so easily destroyed over a thought or idea. Yeah, there's gonna be some things in the past that happened to us we don't want to hear about, but as long we're prepared to accept them as being a part of each other… I honestly don't see how we'll reach a point that the only way forward… is to end this relationship. The past is the past for a reason…"
Killua pressed a hand to Daniel's cheeks, "You're more like Nathan… you know that?"
"I…" Daniel looked at his partner in confusion, "what?"
"You know how one of your biggest fears is you'll turn into a horny slut like Vastorie?"
"Uh…" Daniel looked left and right, confused, and caught off guard. Sure, he did say that. However, he wasn't legitimately expecting Killua to bring it up… let alone word it that way.
"You're more on par with Nathan. From the way you speak to the way you act… you're more like him, then you'll ever be like your other father. We might not understand right now why Nathan is still madly in-love with Vastorie, considering everything that has happened over these last few months… but we might understand it after what we go through, you understand?"
"I…" Daniel touched the hand pressing against the side of his face. He felt like he already did. Maybe not with what is happening with his father, but he understands the concept of looking past the worst of their partner's mistake and seeing the good they're trying to do.
Vastorie is trying to do good, at least that's what Nathaniel is arguing… but they can't see the good, due to the fact, that Vastorie has shut all his family members out. Sure, he'll update them occasionally, from time-to-time, but it feels more like an eternity has passed since his last message to them "I do. It's… relieving to hear that."
"One more thing…" Killua brought his hands to Daniel's shoulders, "I…" the boy felt his cheeks burn from his next confession, but he needed to say this now, rather than wait "Your dad considers me like a son… Alluka like a daughter…" The boy felt his smile extend, his cheeks hurting from how happy he was to tell his partner this information, "He wants us to remain together. Not only that, but he's also going to talk to Zaikaria about cancelling her deal with us."
When Daniel's eyes lit up, Killua didn't stop "So, even if I remember everything or I have a memory where I thought at that time, I needed to get rid of you… between that time and now… things have changed. I… I don't want to do that." Biscuit Kruger said they can't hide anything if this was to work. But what was happening now, it felt more like the floodgates holding back his feelings had broken. It's been one very, long emotional day for him "I'll fight my family tooth and nail to make sure this works out. I-"
Daniel cupped his partner's cheeks, "And I'll help you out…" The boy kissed his boyfriend before parting, the two of them now trying to rival the other's smile. Even now, he knows Killua is trying his best to make small changes… trying to be more open about his feelings.
When it comes to the emotional side of things, Killua is naturally shy, whereas Daniel is naturally shy about being open about his physical needs. He needs to be more like his partner, expressing what he wants from now on.
The more open the two of them become, the easier it'll be to build this string of aura connection. There are ideas he wants to implement, and while that will be hard at the start, in the long run, he knows it'll make it easier to be more expressive about themselves "No matter what… even though I know we're going to have some problems, at least, the more open we are with each other in the future… but I want to believe that I can be more helpful… that using this connection can further improve ourselves as a unit, rather than as separate."
Daniel reached over to hold one of Killua's hands in his own, "I know that I might never be as physically strong as you… or adapt with my ability as you can, but the more I improve, the more I hope to branch out and cover maybe your weaknesses… if you can even have any. I mean… look at you…"
Daniel ran one of his hands down Killua's chest, "You're smart… intelligent… cunning… physically strong… fast… flexible… is there anything I can even beat you at?"
"Endurance…" Killua flicked out a finger, followed by three more "dancing, meeting me in the middle and being mushy… if I'm being honest…" Killua offered a shy smile, "I mean, no matter what I throw at you, you try to keep up with me… you don't give up. Then there's the whole emotional side of you. N- N- Not that it's a bad thing or anything… But you might not ever beat me with speed, but what matters is you're trying to keep up. You're not giving up… and that's all that matters right now. Once we reach your peak, maybe we can branch out… Till then, we deal with the here and now, understood?"
"Crystal clear…" Daniel brought his hand back to Killua's, his smile now soft like his partner's. Being open never felt so relieving… but he's glad that their relationship was going this route.
However, they had more conversations to come over the next few months, maybe even years. This won't be the end, but there was one thing Daniel felt they needed to get off their chest… where exactly do they draw the line?
If they open to the point they know each other's deepest, darkest, secrets… wouldn't that in-turn, also mess up the second condition they wanted to apply to the connection they have with each other, "There's one more thing we have to discuss…" Daniel's expression was neutral, it was going to be difficult to say anything while they're happy to bask in each other's presence…
But this needed to be talked about and Killua knew enough to at least listen to Daniel's internal dilemma "Where do we draw the line…?"
"Supposedly, nowhere…" Killua raised a curious brow, "this is what we'll need if we're going to make sure that if our memories are wiped, the other's presence will retrieve it for us."
"No, I mean… I understand that part, but where's the line to stop me from accessing your ability, or you accessing mine…? How do we build that, while also being forthcoming with everything?"
Killua pressed a hand to his chin. Daniel was right in this case, if they're too open, they'll never have the barrier between themselves. However, if they do put a restriction on this ability, will their connection still, remain…?
"I believe there has to be a balance… our lives, thoughts and feelings about each other should be open… we shouldn't keep any of those away from each other. But I think I have an idea about how we make that part non-contradictive. We'll keep the mechanisms of our abilities to ourselves… as long as we don't know each other's abilities, that should fit the barrier's requirements… we can't use what we don't understand."
"But what if we have ideas, but we want to discuss it with each other?"
"Those would come under thoughts, so sharing it would be a must. It's the mechanisms, the intricacies of how works that are the things we should keep hidden."
"But we know a bit of how each other's abilities work, like, for instance, God's Speed. I know that you let your electricity move along your nerves to spark instant reactions."
"But do you know which nerves?"
"No…"
"Case and point…"
"Then…" Daniel thought out loud about the situation, "provided we're aware of each other's ability's existence, just not the mechanisms of how they work, we won't be breaking any of the rules…?"
"That should fit the rules of Vows and Limitations… We vow to be open to each other, but limit it to being open about each other's lives, thoughts and feelings, understood?"
"That makes sense, no secrets…" Daniel touched Killua's chest, where the boy's heart would be, "about ourselves. But the abilities on how they work will continue to remain hidden."
Killua held a hand over Daniel's, "This will be our conditions for each other…"
Daniel gave a nod in understanding.
"Alright, now let's have some lunch and talk to talk to Alluka about this. One day I hope to include her in this, mainly so that Victor can't wipe her memories as well. But given that there are things I want to keep hidden from her… I don't think we'll ever reach a point as siblings where she'll be blanketed under the same rules and conditions, we have applied to us."