It was surreal, Tali thought, that they were traveling so freely, so easily, in what she would have considered up until only a few months ago (was it really only that long?) enemy territory. Extending past the idea that this would've been enemy territory, but there were no Reapers to contend with either. They'd let out a collective sigh of relief when all of their long-range scans had pinged with no active energy signals detected.
But now?
Keelah, they were deep in Geth space. Tali quirked a small, sad smile.
Guess we're deep in Quarian space now. What do we do with it all? We don't even have the numbers to stretch Rannoch's resources, let alone putting colonies elsewhere.
Should it even be ours?
Again, it was with no small amount of guilt that she thought of the Geth that had been out in this part of space. In addition to discovering what the Relay held, she had added an exploratory plank to her mission. John had told her that it made sense, something about birds and rocks. She'd heard the phrase before, but humans had so many of those damn phrases that she simply chose not to keep up. Besides, it was fun hearing John talk about them.
Two days ago, they were saying goodbye to the Normandy and their friends. Now they were traveling in an alien vessel (even for Tali, though she was reacclimating to being back on a quarian ship pretty quickly), in an alien sector of space, hoping for answers from an anomalous structure that was, for all intents and purposes, alien.
The Solara, she had been relieved to find, was a heavy cruiser of the typically solid quarian build. It hadn't seen much action during the war itself, instead it was primarily relegated to patrol duty, taking part in a squadron with a few Geth light cruisers. There had been a few skirmishes with desperate raiders from the Terminus systems, but they had been repulsed with no issue. Presently, she and John were on the main deck which ran from stem to stern, and included the battery and weapons control, sick bay, and the "common area".
As she and John were walking back toward the crew common area (hand-in-hand, she happily noted), they passed the main battery and Garrus, who was hard at work calibrating the weapons. Well, he was trying to, at least.
From the sound of it, he was facing some stiff opposition from the actual weapons chief.
"I'm telling you, Neesa, these cannons are off by at least .006 degrees versus what the targeting computers tell us. Now it'll take me less than five minutes to -"
"Listen," came a hard female voice from the clearly annoyed quarian officer that he was talking to, "I understand that you're the Garrus Vakarian, but I promise you that…"
Tali let go of Shepard's hand with a force that John knew could only mean trouble.
"Tali."
"What? I'm only going to mediate. I'm going to 'defuse the situation'."
John was not convinced. "Bullshit Tali, I recognize that tone of voice. This is me asking you to please - be nice."
She stuck her tongue out him.
"And you might want to roll that back into your mouth. I might have to pull off your mask and do something with it."
"Keelah! How did you -"
"Know?" He leaned in, giving her visor the soft tap of their peculiar kiss. "What did you expect, Miss vas Rannoch? I know things about my bondmate."
"Ugh! You're insufferable…and wonderful."
"I know," he whispered. "Now if you're going to go, go. But be nice."
"No promises, dear," she teased over her shoulder.
"Tali, please. I'm serious. He's not…he feels badly enough about what happened, so he doesn't need anyone rubbing it in his face."
She stopped for a moment, like what he'd said finally clicked. "There's something else, isn't there?"
Shepard looked around as if trying to make sure that there were no prying ears. He signaled for her to return to him. "Yes, Tali - there is. But don't ask about it."
"John, what is it? What was so important that -"
He shook his head. "No, I told you not to ask because I can't tell you. He only saw fit to tell me, and I won't betray that. But trust me, his motivation for returning to Palaven is…well, it's a valid one. Yes, he handled it poorly. Yes, he was an asshole about it and I don't agree with what he did - I made sure he knew it - but…he's got a good reason." Despite the fatigue in his voice, it carried with it a hard finality.
She looked away, as if trying to process what he'd said. Finally she responded quietly with a sigh. "Okay, John. I trust you. I promise I'll be nice."
He placed a hand on the side of her mask and delivered a small smile. "Thank you. I'll go see what Liara's up to, okay?"
As he continued on, Tali passed into the weapons control room, silently coming to a stop behind the turian.
"No Garrus, this is a quarian vessel so -"
That's when Nessa'Coer stopped speaking and stood at attention, eyes wide as if in surprise - or fright.
"What -" Garrus began, then noticed that she was no longer looking at him.
"Admiral Shepard! How can I help you?" Yes, Nessa was definitely a little bit nervous with the admiral here.
Garrus glanced to his right, following the general direction that Nessa was now looking. He wasn't sure just which "Admiral Shepard" had appeared. Secretly, he hoped that it was the human one, since Tali was far more likely to give him shit - for obvious reasons. He stiffened when he saw that it was the quarian version instead. The stick had returned.
"Oh, Tali. Hi, uh…is there…what's up?" The trepidation was obvious as he figured that he was going to be in trouble for something.
"Hello Garrus, Nessa." Tali's voice was far less harsh than Garrus had expected. Maybe there was hope?
When the admiral saw that Nessa still stood at attention, ramrod straight like a proper soldier, she chuckled to herself.
I guess I'm still not used to being the commanding officer. Oh well, can't leave her hanging like that.
"At ease, Nessa." She stood to the side, with Garrus to her left. "Now, what argument did I just interrupt?"
Nessa began. "Well, Mr. Vakarian here says that our targeting scanners are 'miscalibrated' and that there is a .006 degree variance, and -"
The turian sighed and interrupted. "Now Tali, you know how important it is that -"
"The weapons are calibrated properly. Yes, Garrus, I know. Keelah, do I know." She faced the actual quarian officer. "Nessa, did you know that during the war, the Normandy had statistically the highest hit rate in the entire Alliance?" The weapons chief shook her head, replying in defeated surprise. "No, ma'am I did not."
"Well, we did, and Garrus here was our weapons chief. He handled that as well as his own duties to the Turian Hierarchy. So when he says that there is a .006 degree variance, I would take him at his word." Turning from the weapons chief, she addressed said turian. "Garrus, please understand that this is not an Alliance vessel, this is not the Normandy, and Shepard…well, the other one…you know what I mean…is not in command. I am in command, this is a quarian vessel, and strictly-speaking, you are part of the boarding team."
Just like Han'Gerrel had during the Battle of Earth a few weeks ago aboard the Neema, he had reassigned this vessel's original captain for this mission. Except this time, obviously, Tali was the one in charge of the vessel. The captain had been given some welcome time off to spend on Rannoch until the Solara returned home. It would give Tali the highest amount of freedom to command as she saw fit.
And she was happy to use it.
Tali put her hands on her hips. "So next time you have a disagreement, I want you both to run it by me, okay?"
"Of course, Tali," Garrus replied, clearly relieved that this had gone far more smoothly than he'd feared. He would make a point to thank Tali for…well, for at least showing him that their friendship wasn't perhaps turned to so much ash.
"Yes, ma'am," Nessa replied emphatically. In truth, it sounded like she was actually rather eager to learn Garrus's calibration techniques.
The admiral smiled. "Good. See? That wasn't so bad. Now Garrus, let me take a look at what exactly you had in mind…"
When he'd split off from Tali, John had immediately disapproved greatly of the lack of her hand in his. He did not care for the empty feeling - like a wine glass with no wine. But he didn't have the capacity to wax philosophical about the missing feeling in his hand. Instead, it was a far more dour train of thought that barreled toward him out of the tunnel.
Once again. I should've been prepared for this…for this feeling. Because here we go again. Much to his chagrin, the quiet dread that he had felt so often during his days as a soldier - which felt like a lifetime ago, but were really just a little over a month past - had returned. The difference was that now, he didn't know if he could stomach it. I played this off too easily. A little laugh and a smirk, and all was well with the world. And maybe it was. Maybe with the prospect of me and Tali finally being together in an official way - recognized by her people - I'd been able to set this aside as some kind of…faraway thing that I could put off or ignore. Maybe I'd convinced myself that this was no big deal, that it was about as routine as it got. But after the…war…there is no "routine" when it comes to this shit.
"Fuck…" he muttered with sandpaper in his throat. He gave a quiet nod to a quarian crewmember as he passed.
And I've seen "routine" before, and we all know how that ended. I should have told Tali. I should have told her that I'm not cut out for this yet. Maybe never again. He shook his head as visual evidence of his disappointment. She thinks I'm so strong.
"But you are," came the unexpected reply of his beloved in his own mind. "I've seen you at your lowest, saera, and still you are here. You continue to get up. You never stop. It is that strength that brought you back to me."
"Hello Shepard. Do you need something?"
Liara's greeting startled him from his introspection. Glancing around, he finally realized that he had arrived in the common area.
"You know what? Hold that thought." He walked over to a counter on the other side of the room, heating himself a cup of tea. Adding a splash of honey, he stirred it as he walked back to the table.
Laughing a little, he sat across from her. "Anyway…to answer your question: I don't know." He rubbed the stubble on his chin.
She eyed him with more than a hint of curiosity, flavored with a dash of concern. "Are you all right?"
He clicked his tongue. "Just thinking, I guess."
Liara upended her recipe, and concern now had the far greater share. "What about?"
He shook off her question. "Nothing important, Liara. As for what I wanted, I just wanted to see how you were getting along here. Besides, we haven't had much of a chance to chat," he shrugged. "I just wanted to see how you were doing, I suppose."
A soft smile greeted him. "I should be asking you that question."
"Oh?"
"Yes. You said that you were thinking of 'nothing important', but I know…introspection when I see it."
He frowned. He hadn't wanted to bother Tali, but…no. He would not share this with anyone else before her. "Ah, maybe a little. But it's no biggie. Just haven't been in the field for a bit, that's all."
She knew that he hid something, but she also knew better than to ask more of him.
"And you never answered my question, Liara."
She laughed a little. "You are right. I suppose that I am…okay enough."
Shepard laughed again. "Hmmm. That's pretty accurate for almost everyone, I think." He took a sip of tea, making a mental note to thank Kasumi again when they got back. "So what's actually on your mind?"
She felt herself get flustered, cheeks reddening. "I, uh, it's just that…how do I?" After a moment, she gave a coy, slightly embarrassed smirk. "I didn't think about how this conversation would go, you know."
John quirked an eyebrow. "Oh? And what conversation are we having?"
She took a sip of her own drink before looking him squarely in the eyes. "Shepard…I'm not…I'm not going back."
This time both eyebrows went up, hovering above widened eyes. "To Thessia?"
She only shook her head in response.
"Okay. So where are you off to, then?"
She looked away for a moment before returning to face him. "I am not 'off' to anywhere, actually. Well, that is to say that I spoke with Admiral Koris a few days ago. I'd had an…well, I had an idea."
"All right, Liara. I have two eyebrows, and I've raised both of them. Can you please stop with the suspense?"
She laughed before finally answering him. "Of course, Shepard." She let out another held breath. "I'm staying on Rannoch, at least for the time being."
He cocked his head in a manner that she'd learned to associate with the man trying to process what he'd just heard. He blew out a breath. "Well that's…unexpected. Can I ask why?"
Liara chuckled softly before taking another sip of her own steaming drink. "You may ask."
He laughed, not believing how much work it was to just draw a simple answer from her. "Jesus, Liara. Well, consider the question asked, then." He brought his cup halfway to his mouth before putting it back down. "You know, I don't remember you being this difficult when we first met."
"Well, that is because I was not." She grinned at him. "Let's say that I was party to a 'bad influence', and I followed his lead."
He held the cup in her direction. "Touche, Liara. And I'll note that as you calling your old commander a pain in the ass. But, again, you haven't answered the question."
"I am practicing some 'evasive maneuvers'? The truth is that I'm not quite…ready to leave you and Tali. You are two of my dearest friends, and the closest thing I have to a family." Shepard nodded in understanding. Tali would have, too. "I'm just not…I'm not ready to say 'goodbye' yet. And I realized that I could do some good as well." She kept going, plowing over his question. "When I spoke with Admiral Koris, I offered the quarian people my services."
"Services? As an information broker?"
For a moment, she said nothing to him, only blinking a few times. Then she laughed at him in her distinctly soft manner. "No, Shepard. When I said that I was done with that particular…line of work, I meant it. No, I'm going back to my first love: archaeology."
"Really? That's great, but -"
She cut off the known question with a forceful answer. It was full of conviction. "Shepard, Tali's people are returning to a world that they've not known for three centuries. From what we discussed, the Geth had maintained the cities that were salvageable, but -"
"Like Jal Himmom?"
"Yes, as well as some of the other major settlements that were left. But the smaller cities and villages? They had not fared so well during their war, and the quarians have no archaeologists - specialists for this type of work - among them, nor do they have the people to send out to explore these lost cities on their own. In either case, they would be fumbling in the dark, so to speak. Which is why I offered my services."
"As an archaeologist."
She nodded in reply. "As an archaeologist."
Shepard rubbed his chin, once again noting the bit of stubble like sandpaper that had grown there and remained at Tali's request. "That's…that's good, Liara. I'm happy for you, and to be honest, it will be nice to have another friendly face around. And maybe you can help give the quarians some hope, maybe a bit of closure?"
How perceptive he was. "Yes, well…it will be nice to not be so far away from my friends. And as for Tali and her people? Maybe I can help them…if not gain closure, but recover from trauma a little, perhaps?"
John opened his mouth to ask what exactly they might recover when the intercom chimed overhead.
"Shepard? Liara?" It was Tali's voice. "Please meet me on the bridge. We have entered the Kholas system."
They looked at each other with wide eyes. They were here. Already.
"Understood, Admiral. We'll be right there."
I'm not ready for this.
They were alone amongst the stars, ancient and alien. None of the Milky Way species had understood how the mass relays worked - according to Vigil, the VI found on Ilos, the protheans had come the closest - and for the most part, they had gained little new knowledge. Some scientists and researchers were likely gaining some insight now, as they worked on repairing the relay network, but even their most learned researchers would likely have felt the same thing that all six occupants of the bridge of the Solara were feeling now.
Awe.
Tali, John, Liara and Garrus stood at rapt attention, watching the massive superstructure grow larger in size as they approached. Indeed, the structure appeared to be just as mind-boggling as advertised - composed of three separate mass relays. What had appeared in the somewhat grainy images that they had seen as simple tethers now appeared to be intricate enough to have possibly served some other purpose.
And the ring that the relays were inserted into? That was likely the central hub of the damn thing.
Whatever it was that they had expected this thing to look like up close, it wasn't quite this. The size of a mass relay was gargantuan - fifteen kilometers from tip to tail - and to see three of them bound together like this? Well, it caused gasps of surprise.
"What the -?"
"Keelah…"
"Goddess…"
"Spirits…"
Comically, they had uttered their exclamations in order - John, then Tali, then Liara, and finally Garrus. It was the verbal equivalent to dominoes falling.
Which is exactly why Piara starting laughing. All four heads turned toward the sound coming from the helm.
"Is something funny, lieutenant?" Tali asked with only a slight hint of humor in her voice.
She cleared her throat nervously - hand firmly caught in the cookie jar. "No…no, of course not, ma'am. It's just…that sounded so scripted, I guess. Like you all had it planned." Her laughter slowly choked on the realization that only she'd actually found it funny.
After the beat of a few seconds, John and Garrus locked eyes and started laughing themselves. They were odd, snorted, stunted laughs that bubbled up from a locked away part of them, but they were enough for John to earn a little slap on the chest from Tali and Garrus a stern look from Liara.
"Keelah, John. Don't encourage her. You'll just make it worse."
Piara released a silent, thankful laugh. She might like this John'Shepard.
As they cautiously crept up on the structure, even Piara blew out a breath conveying her own shock and awe.
Pulling himself away from the view, John turned to Tali.
"So what do you think? Hell of a view, right?"
"Yeah…" she sighed. It sounded like there was something else she wanted to bring up. "You know, this reminds of Sovereign."
"Sovereign? Why?"
Tali slipped her hand in his. "Yeah. Do you remember on Virmire, when we…well you…spoke to it? It said that it was 'beyond our comprehension'. This feels a lot like that, you know? I mean, it hasn't tried to kill us -"
"Yet."
"Yet," she nodded in dour agreement. "But…how long has it been since we could just learn things, instead of shoot them?"
He looked out at the stars again, allowing himself to be hypnotized for the first time in years (if only for a moment) by the beauty of it all. Every point of light was another system, another possibility. God it'd been so long…
"Too long, Tali. Too long."
A short nod and her hand in his was the only response she gave him.
Hulli cleared his throat, interrupting their little foray into wonder. "Ma'am, scanners have picked up coordinates on what appears to be a single point of entry, but we'd have to take a shuttle in."
Tali looked at her friends, then lost herself for a moment in John's eyes. There was something there, something that she didn't quite recognize. Setting it aside for now, she gave herself a little nod. "Okay. John, Liara, Garrus: suit up." She opened her suit's internal audio. "Nat'Veral, this is Admiral Shepard. Please prep for departure and meet us at the shuttle bay in 10 minutes."
She received a sharp, confident "yes, ma'am" in response.
"Hulli, you have the bridge until we're back."
The quarian commander gave his typically confident "Yes, admiral."
She squeezed John's hand as they exited behind Liara and Garrus, receiving a soft squeeze of hers in kind.
"Piara, try not to damage Admiral Gerrel's ship while we're gone."
She didn't turn around. "Yes ma'am…hey! That was…" finally turning around, she saw that Tali was already gone. "Uncalled…for."
Hulli started chuckling.
"And that's enough out of you…uh, sir."
Liara had her eyes closed, seemingly almost asleep. She wasn't, of course, she looked too calm for that. It was the external calm that could only be derived from someone that was trying too hard to appear that way. John then shot his eyes over to Garrus, who was looking at something on his omnitool. Glancing up from the display, he cast a smirk Shepard's way. A little nod, and Garrus returned to whatever the hell he was doing.
Probably checking who knows how many messages from the primarch, Shepard thought with a frown.
Shepard had requisitioned a set of Serrice Council armor (it had been his anyway, backup in case his N7 armor wasn't available…which clearly was the case), and was still getting used to the Alliance-made Capacitor helmet. He didn't think he'd need the barrier replenishment capabilities, but for his first time back in the field since…everything had happened, he wasn't going to take chances. Tali pinged his internal mic on a private channel.
"Hi. How are you feeling? Are you okay?"
He sighed. He didn't want to worry her, but she had to know.
"To be honest, I'm not sure. The last time I was in armor…" he trailed off as she took his hand, squeezing it to remind him that he wasn't alone.
"Do you want to stay on the shuttle while we go in? Between Garrus, Liara, and Nat'Veral, I think we have enough firepower." There was no hint that she was disappointed in or angry at him. No, she just wanted to protect him, to keep him safe.
It was a striking role reversal, he noted.
While John appreciated the gesture, he'd made a promise. "No, Tali. I won't back out now. We've come too far for that. Besides, it's just more time I'll get to see that ass of yours," he ended with a laugh.
She was not convinced. "John, you get to see…'my ass' anytime you want. I'd prefer it to be all the time, with no suit." And it will be - soon enough. I hope you can keep up with me, bosh'tet. "But what makes this different?"
He did not hesitate. "You don't know? Like, you really don't know?"
"Keelah, don't play these games with me. What don't I know?"
He squeezed her hand and shot her a smile. "You sway your hips differently when you're in charge."
He had to be joking, right?
"John, you're joking, right?"
He chuckled behind the grin he now wore. "I wouldn't lie. You definitely have a 'power walk', and those hips do most of the talking." He whistled. "And I love to hear what they're saying."
Tali's cheeks were very flushed. "So…you like it when I'm in charge, John?" Her voice was definitely implying more than just this mission - or any mission for that matter.
What did I just walk myself into? Fuck it, let's see how far down the rabbit hole goes.
"What could I be implying? A retired human Spectre gets bonded to a beautiful, sweet, and tough-as-nails quarian admiral? How could he not appreciate her giving orders?"
Liara opened her eyes just in time to see Tali slap Shepard's thigh, both obviously laughing at whatever private conversation they were having.
The thought of it made her smile.
But all of their thoughts were interrupted by the pilot informing them that what appeared to be the "bay doors" had opened upon their approach and they would be landing in about ten seconds.
The five of them exchanged mildly concerned looks.
John released her hand, and heard Tali on the party-wide channel.
"Okay team. We have no idea what we'll find in there. Nat, take point. Garrus, you'll fall in behind; watch our backs once we're far enough in to worry about our backs. Shepard and Liara will offer biotic and small weapons support." She faced Veetor who was seated alongside the pilot "Veetor, you will stay aboard until we determine that it is safe for you to board. Everyone understand?"
She got a chorus of "yes ma'am"s from everyone.
"Good."
They felt the shuttle's soft thud as it settled itself onto the deck, just outside of what they thought was the only airlock on the entire structure.
"Okay. Chief, if we have not contacted the shuttle within one hour with a status update, you are ordered back to the Solara. Hulli has been instructed to contact the other admirals for instructions."
"But what -"
"No 'buts', chief. That's an order."
She turned to the rest of her team. "It probably won't come to that, but you know, contingency plans and all that, and I didn't want us all in danger in case -"
"Tali," John placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her rambling before it got completely away from her. "We get it."
"Keelah. I will never stop doing that, will I?"
It was John's voice on the private radio in response. "No, I imagine you won't."
She stuck her tongue out again. "You weren't supposed to agree, bosh'tet."
"That space right there." Kasumi ran her hands along the main wall in what she had presumed to be the "living room". She traced a square along the bare, gray surface, noticing the complete lack of texture that was found there. It was as smooth as any modern material she'd ever felt - "like glass". She had an idea of what it was that would go there, but she needed the time for it. Furthermore, it likely wasn't going here anyway.
She laughed a little and brushed a lock of hair away from her face before turning her attention to the table. She had a letter to write.
It had been a long time since Kasumi had actually written on a piece of paper with an actual ink pen. The fact that she still had some of both made her smile; she was so old-fashioned. It went part and parcel with her own quirky devotion to antiques - not only as op targets, but also for her own enjoyment. It was why she was trying to write a letter - an actual physical letter - for the friends that had trusted her enough to stay in their home while they were out on their mission.
Tali, Shep -
I don't really know what to say to you guys. Except that you're two of the best friends I've ever had. You listened to me when I needed to talk, and you didn't judge me. Shep, that especially applies to you. I was a thief, a criminal. I was someone that you should have despised. And maybe you did - who knows? I don't think you do now, which is a relief haha. But you gave me a chance. I can't say that about too many people - at least not without attaching strings, if you know what I mean. And you helped me get closure, and made sure that I got to give Hock the killshot that the fucker so richly deserved.
Fuck that guy.
She couldn't help but giggle a little at her phrasing. She owed Shep so much - his willingness to help her out with more than just reacquiring her lost lover's gray box guaranteed that. Maybe after the help she'd given her friends with their wedding, the ledger balance was edging a little closer to "zero".
Not that she minded, of course. Certainly not in her heart of hearts.
Her thoughts turned to Tali.
Now, Mrs. Tali'Shepard vas Rannoch, you are the sister I didn't know I needed. When you asked me about human love, you reminded me of what I'd missed. Your questions were raw, deep, innocent - sincere. And I learned different ways to see the world, because you saw the world differently. I know you hated that suit, but because you had to live in it, you learned to appreciate other things - simple things - so much more. They were things that I'd always taken for granted. And your nai attitude in everything reminded me that maybe the world wasn't so…dark. You reminded me to appreciate a number of things that I thought I'd forgotten how to.
And you and Shep are so hopelessly and wonderfully in love.
I'm so happy for you both (and maybe a little jealous, but that's okay).
But I know what I have to do now, and it means I have to leave you guys. It's not goodbye, of course. But I won't be here when you get back.
I'll try to contact you soon.
Love always, my friends.
Sumi
With a soft sigh and a stray tear, she placed the sheet of paper that held her own honest-to-goodness handwriting on the first table in the foyer, placing the photo they had taken of themselves at the party on the Citadel over the paper to hold it down. She paused for a moment, remembering that night with a soft smile. She looked around the little place once more.
She was looking around Tali's home - well, "home" for the time-being. She was so happy for her, and for Shep. They both deserved this.
Eventually, Kasumi exited into the hot Rannoch air, hearing the door close with a hiss and lock with a chime. She was going to make her way to the base again, where a quarian transport was being held specifically for her arrival - on Lano'Tiel's orders.
Favors for favors, though Kasumi had asked nothing of the sort.
One more look over her shoulder at the Shepards' temporary home, and then she walked briskly to the elevator that would take her to the ground floor. She pulled her hood over her head.
Maybe one day, she would have a home of her own.
Just not yet.