A/N: Another slightly shorter chapter; any guesses what we're gearing up for in Chapter 15?

Chapter 14 Content Warnings: mention of pregnancy; Addie and Lola talk briefly about Marcos (reference to prior sexual assault)

Chapter 14: oh, i'm willing

Addie

Perla's on a merciful streak. Early nights are usually a monthly occurrence, but this marks the second time in a fortnight Perla's given them most of their night. It can't be more than an hour after sunset and already Addie's meandering through the servants' wing with Lola at her side after a dinner of leftover stew and yesterday's bread. Lola's sister just found out she's expecting.

"She just had her quickening," Lola explains. "Though between you and me, I wondered. She's had that glow, you know?"

This soon after her wedding is fantastic luck, and no doubt Lola's sister and her new husband could use a pair of helping hands, even ones that will take several years to grow useful.

"Babies seem to be popping up everywhere," Addie muses. "Is she showing?"

Lola finds one of the shadowed alcoves out of the torchlight and makes a tight seat. "Only if you're really looking. She keeps rubbing her belly, though. It's got to feel weird having something move around in there."

"Probably." Addie squeezes in beside Lola, her knees crunched against the opposite wall. "Any name ideas yet?"

Lola grins. "I tried to talk her into Leona if it's a girl, but it didn't take. Anyway, she's sure it'll be a boy."

Addie should ask something else - baby names for the boy, perhaps - but she only manages a half-smile. Maybe she should go to bed early in her own cot, try for some sense of normalcy, for her sake and for the others. Claudia's been teasing more; before long, it might draw the wrong attention.

"Addie?"

"Hm?"

Lola bumps their knees, her toes tapping Addie's ankle. "Daydreaming again?"

"Not really," Addie admits before she thinks better of it. "Just thinking."

"Well, stop that and start talking. You think pretty loud."

No matter Addie's mood, Lola always gets a smile out of her. Addie shuffles her feet, but her mouth blurts out an apology with no warning.

"I checked around about Alfonso. I'm sorry."

Lola's friendly face eases away, leaving a blank canvas with cool hazel eyes impossible to read. "How do you mean?"

If she's bothering to fess up, the least Addie can do is look Lola in the eye. "I thought he was close with Marcos. I wanted to make sure he was… one of the good ones, I guess. I should've asked you first."

Lola's silence stretches long enough it curls up under Addie's skin and itches. "I wish you had. And?"

"And what?"

"And what did you find out?"

Addie hides her hands in the folds of her skirt and picks at a hangnail. "He's everything you said. Gentle, kind. One of the good ones." A persistent itch of shame blooms on the back of her neck, but Addie fists her hands until it fades.

After a long, long minute, Lola threads her fingers together only to pull them apart and don a quirked half-smile. "Like I said."

"Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't trust your judgment." If Addie could curl into a ball and sink into the stones, she'd do it instantly. She meant well, but facing Lola now is a different beast she'll have to consider next time.

"Why didn't you?" Lola asks. "Something about Marcos? I thought you two were friends."

If apologising for overstepping was painful, the iron clamping around Addie's gut now is torment. Digging her nails into her palms is little help; it merely keeps her from bolting down the hall.

She only said she wouldn't lie to Caspian.

"Were," Addie says. "Just a misunderstanding. But I'm keeping my distance."

Lola crosses her arms in the scant space between her knees and her chest. "What sort of misunderstanding? Must've been a big one if you worried about Alfonso just by association."

Addie tightens her fists until the skin breaks. "Misunderstanding like he misinterpreted things. Went too far."

Lola sighs unsteadily. "Like what happened with Anna?"

Addie flinches.

"Not that bad. At least, I don't think so. She never told me the particulars of her…" With every word Addie spills, her throat tightens and tightens until she can barely swallow. "He's apologised. I'm just making sure he doesn't… misinterpret again."

Lola may be sweet, but Addie hasn't truly tested the limits of her forgiveness. She knows Lola has an ever-bright smile, that she jokes to pass the time washing dishes and never says anything Perla's spatula might smack her for. Lola is usually the first to comfort anyone upset, but Addie's never done anything to upset her directly - not like this.

Addie presses her back harder into the stone, her legs tense and cramping as she pushes her feet against the wall. She really needs to keep her mouth shut.

A gentle hand on her knee eases Addie's galloping thoughts before they trample her courage entirely. When Addie looks up at her friend, Lola's annoyance is gone.

"I'm sorry," she says. Two simple words, and yet they bring a rush of air back to Addie's lungs. She uncurls her fingers and swallows some of the lump in her throat.

"Me too," Addie whispers. "I overstepped, and I'm sorry."

Lola's hand falls away, but the warmth remains. "I get why you did. And I'm flattered you cared enough to worry. Just ask me next time, would you?"

Addie bobs her head too fast. "I will. Though now I've met him properly, it seems silly." This time, the smile tugging at her lips is genuine, untarnished by her own worries. "He's sweet."

"Told you." Lola kicks Addie's ankle, just enough to make the point. "But I'm glad you agree."

Finally, the silence that falls is comfortable. So of course Lola sees fit to break it just as Addie relaxes her legs and rests in earnest.

"So if you're not sneaking out with Marcos, is there someone else?"

Addie's blood rushes cold in her fingertips as she fumbles for a plausible denial. It'll be easier to lie and say there's no one than pretend to talk about someone besides Caspian.

Lola chuckles, reaching forward to pinch Addie's arm. "So that's a yes. Big secret?"

There goes that approach.

"No secret," Addie mumbles. "Just… new." She picks at her thumb until her cuticle tears.

"Loosen up, I won't say anything, though I think everyone's guessed you're seeing someone. After how tense you were last night, I thought Marcos got jealous. What did he want, anyway?"

What is it with Lola's questions today? At least when Addie feels like prying, she has the courtesy to do it without bothering her target.

Addie lowers her voice to the quietest whisper she can get away with, leaning in until her knees smush her chest. "He apologised - not very well. And warned me. I can't figure what he was trying to do."

Lola leans in too, and thankfully she has the sense to match Addie's volume. "Warned you? About what?"

The words slip out before Addie quite thinks them through, though she tries to sound casual. "Apparently cleaning the prince's study every morning is a dangerous occupation. He said something about cutting ties before the prince and Lord Miraz have it out."

Lola frowns and leans in closer until their foreheads nearly bump. "Strange. Why would Lord Miraz care about -" Lola breaks off with a gasp, her eyes widening as she claps a hand over her mouth. "You're not."

Tash's blood.

Addie freezes. She can't coax air past her lips, or movement to her muscles, or syllables to her tongue. Lola grips her forearms tight enough to bruise.

"Addie. Tell me you're not."

"I'm not," Addie manages. She should've prepared a better lie, some alternate story, but who else does she spend time with aside from the maids? "I met someone at the market. He's just shy."

"You've never made eyes at a market boy," Lola blurts. "Tash's shits, tell me you're not that stupid." When Addie can't summon a reply, Lola's hands drop away. "You are. You really are that stupid, aren't you?" Lola slumps back, propping her head on her hand.

"I'm careful," Addie whispers. She tucks her hands into her lap so maybe Lola won't see how they're shaking. "Promise."

But Lola just shakes her head and stares like Addie is suddenly a stranger. "Careful doesn't matter, Addie. And you were questioning my judgment?"

Far too late, Addie remembers secrets aren't common among the maids. Will Lola be able to lie about something this big? "You can't say anything. No one can know you know."

"Duh," Lola snorts. "I have some sense of self-preservation. I won't say a word, you know that. But Tash's talons, Addie."

"Yeah," Addie whispers. "I know."

Addie takes full advantage of Perla sticking to the schedule for once. Luckily it's wash day, so it's not odd when she spends half an hour scrubbing away the day's smoke and sweat. After hours of keeping the fire blazing for dinner, Addie's covered in a fine layer of soot.

It's nice, joking with the others as they all splash their way clean. Communal. Peaceful. Maybe she's missed their company more than she realised. For the first time in weeks, Addie takes her sweet time getting to the study.

Addie's secret lover is out of the bag, but Claudia doesn't badger for a name or details as Addie slips out the door. But Lola's stare is heavy on her back as she goes.

She'll have to come up with a better story. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing, to let everyone assume she's seeing Marcos and the recent awkwardness was just a lover's spat. Years of late nights out with Marcos should convince them.

Addie shivers.

Better to face some shivering than put everyone else in danger. If Caspian is a mistake, he's her mistake.

Addie breathes easier when she reaches the bookshelf door after dodging an extra patrol. The creak is familiar, soothing to her frayed nerves. The sight greeting her is not.

Caspian's not here. His chair sits empty, his papers undisturbed at his desk. The room's only light comes from the waxing moon, high enough to bathe the desk and window seat in a bluish-silver glow.

Addie trims the candle and lights it from the passageway's closest torch. Caspian will need a new one soon; she'll have to make sure he has extras.

With the candle lit, the room looks more like it should - warm, bookish, with that ever-present musk of paper and dried ink. Caspian has another three candles in his desk, so no need to run that errand. All there's left to do is sit down and read more about Shasta, Aravis, and Bree the Talking Horse sneaking through Tashbaan.

Caspian will be back soon. He's fine.

Forbidden book in hand, Addie settles into the window seat as best as her itching muscles will allow. As she plucks out the scrap of paper serving as her bookmark, she notices the writing.

I must meet with two lords tonight; I won't be long.

Yours,
X

Lords. Hopefully decent ones. Allies. Would any of them do Miraz's dirty work ahead of schedule if he asked? Even if he didn't? Sal and her network know anything and everything of castle happenings and Sal's said nothing to her, but what if they've missed something?

Addie plants the book in her lap and takes to the pages with a vengeance. Narnian prose flows in script and phrasing, unlike those stuffy histories she read months ago. The Telmarine style is formal, like it's trying to sound noble but keeps getting stuck on self-importance and justifications. Narnian prose, so far, weaves across the page like music. Addie sinks into Cor and Aravis' adventure in Tashbaan with the moon as her only companion.

She finishes three chapters before her eyelids droop. Addie shifts to lie with her legs braced against the wall, engaging her muscles to stay awake. The candle throws just enough light that she doesn't have to squint, though her shoulder's shadow keeps getting in the way.

This new position nets her another chapter, but by the time Addie's ready to flip to the fifth, she can barely keep herself conscious. She's just sitting up and slipping Caspian's note into the pages when the door clicks.

Addie leaves the book on the cushion and bolts for the bedroom, her shoes slapping on stone as she recognises the echo of Caspian's boots. He looks up just as she flies out of the study. It's sweet relief to fling her arms around his neck as Caspian catches her mid-stride and lifts her so high even her tiptoes can't find the floor.

"I left a note." His breath is a sinful thing against her neck, nearly teasing.

"Thank you," Addie whispers. "It helped." With a little swing, she gets her legs around his hips and locks them tight. She knows Caspian has to talk with people, has to convince them, but she can't quite breathe until she sees him alive in front of her, his body warm and solid against hers.

Caspian presses soft little kisses into her neck as she clings to him. He starts walking, and the bed moves farther and farther away.

"I still must study," Caspian explains in the few moments his mouth isn't attached to her skin. "Professor's orders."

His arms gently unwrap from her waist and settle on her hips, but Addie doesn't loosen her grip. Just a few moments more, so she can re-memorise the steady thrum of his pulse by his jaw.

"What's tonight's topic?" Only when Caspian pushes lightly on her hips does Addie unwind her limbs. His absence brings a chill no candle or blanket can chase away.

Caspian steadies her as she finds the floor again and brushes his lips over her ear. "The Kings and Queens of Old," he whispers. "Old tales of the Winter War."

When Caspian takes his usual seat, the study seems finally put to rights.

Less empty.

The relief of having Caspian back with her staves off the worst of Addie's sleepiness, but it hovers tight around her limbs as they settle into routine. She'll fall asleep before she gets past a single page.

Caspian notices her lingering in the middle of the room, caught between him and the window seat. "Are you well?"

The answer scrapes along her bones, echoing into her teeth as honesty tempts her tongue. Caspian's earnestness has a way of baiting the truth, of stopping any attempted lie before she can even think of it.

Addie's had enough honesty for one day. So she bites her tongue and perches on Caspian's lap instead, her legs slung over the far chair arm. Caspian doesn't move a muscle as Addie settles, even when she scoots her bottom to his knee and rests her cheek against the round of his shoulder. This is the most chaste she's been sitting on him.

After a long moment, Caspian pulls his Narnian reading material from a hidden drawer in his desk and starts reading. He doesn't have to track down the page with his finger; probably a perk of reading constantly from a young age. A few pages later, Caspian settles his left arm around her hips, his hand resting on the curve of her thigh, stroking absently until her skirt wrinkles and he smooths it again.

Caspian's gone through ten pages when her cheek starts to tingle. Addie straightens gingerly, bracing her right arm on the chair's back and propping up her head with her knuckles to her temple. This way, she can see him. She can watch how Caspian's tongue pokes the inside of his cheek when he concentrates, how his eyes skim across the page like he's read it a thousand times before. How he breathes - slow and steady, even with her lounging in his lap. Sometimes when Caspian finishes the left page and looks to the next, his eyebrows flicker.

His hair is slipping from behind his ear. Addie tucks it back again, her fingers lingering in his dark waves. She never stopped to appreciate how soft Caspian's hair is; he definitely doesn't wash with that harsh lye soap better at stripping grease and soot than cleaning skin. Addie runs her fingertips through again, just to see how it falls into place so tidily and gleams in the candlelight.

Caspian's hand smooths her skirt again. Even without her undershift, there are entirely too many layers between his hand and her skin.

Addie's blood hums, her exhaustion slowly draining away. She traces the shell of his ear when she brushes his hair back again and tracks every whisper of the shiver across his skin. Caspian's eyes drift closed, just long enough for her to count his eyelashes where they rest on his cheek.

When Caspian turns with her name on his lips, Addie kisses it away.

Caspian's sigh is a fragile thing against her mouth. He tastes of duty and resignation as her tongue slides against his, and he shouldn't. Hasn't there been enough duty for one day?

The book thumps as Caspian abandons it to the desk. Finally she has both his hands on her hips, and with every stroke and careful caress, the coil in her chest gradually unwinds. Addie chases his tongue when he takes a breath, because how can these slow kisses be enough when she dreams every night of how she might lose him?

That familiar stinging in her throat and eyes comes as suddenly as a summer storm, inevitable and inescapable. So Addie buries her hands in Caspian's hair and kisses him until she forgets everything but how perfectly their lips slot together, how readily she opens up under his touches. Caspian's hands roam bolder now that he's touched her in all but one place.

It takes Addie a moment to realise he's saying her name like a prayer between kisses. "Are you alright?"

This time, the honesty isn't painful as it dances over her tongue.

"Better now," she says. Addie drags her lips down to Caspian's neck, storing away his moan of protest when her mouth leaves his as another of her favourite sounds. Even princes complain. "Are you?"

Perhaps she's not being fair, but Addie waits to push her kisses into his skin until after he answers.

"Well enough." The words catch on Caspian's gasp, and the next half of his answer comes out choked. "Better now."

It wouldn't be a new thing to shift so she can straddle him. Addie knows how to manoeuvre around the chair so the arms don't put her legs to sleep or dig too much into her knees. Somehow, it's too familiar. It's not enough.

So Addie slides off his lap and gets to her feet. Caspian's hands drag from her thigh up to her hip - he's finally stopped jerking away when he traces that particular curve. Addie catches one of his hands before they leave her completely, twining their fingers as she pulls him up with her. He comes to her so easily.

Always has.

With her hands light in his, she steps toward the bedroom. One step, small enough Caspian barely has to lean in to close the unacceptable distance between their mouths. When Caspian kisses her, he kisses her thoroughly, like a man waking from a dream or falling into one. But he pulls back a moment later and cups her face in his hands, his eyes searching for an answer she's already given.

Addie tightens her hands at his waist until Caspian tilts another half-step forward.

Whatever Caspian finds as he looks at her, it seems to be decision enough. This time when he kisses her, his hands don't hesitate as they skim over her body. This time when Addie kisses him like she's drowning, he drowns with her.

A/N: I'd apologize for the cliffy, but I love them too much... What did you think of Addie's sudden honesty with Lola?

Chapter 15 Preview:

"That depends," Addie mumbles. "Will you take all night about it?"

"I would like to." Caspian trails a hand down her side, pausing at the dip of her waist. "How did you put it? I want to know every part of you."