A/N: Ack, I'm getting impatient to get Chapter 24 out... then I remember NaNoWriMo is next month and oh, the panic. Hopefully by the time I post this I'll be done with this weekend's World Wide Writeathon and I'll have all part 2 rewrites done at last.
Chapter 21 Content Warnings: brief mention of meat and butcher shop
Chapter 21: love's a fragile little flame
Addie
Addie finds Caspian bent over too many overlapping maps to count, so focused he doesn't notice her entrance until she slides her hands around his waist.
"Professor liked the woods?" she murmurs into his shoulder. More and more of their talks happen in those hushed tones, so quiet they can barely hear each other.
Caspian usually finds a moment to wrap his arms over hers when she hugs him from behind. When his hands cover hers, Addie reaches so her hands are on top again, because she likes the reminder that he's hers as much as she's become his.
Tonight, Caspian only has one hand to spare, and he doesn't linger. After an absent squeeze, Caspian bends closer to a map labelled in clean Narnian script.
"He did," Caspian whispers belatedly. He tugs his other hand free and reaches for another map on the far desk corner. "None who venture into the Shuddering Wood return alive."
"I see." Addie's arms fall away, her fingernail catching on her skirt. "How can I help?"
Caspian's left hand reaches back for her, but since he apparently can't find a moment to glance away from his maps, it takes longer than it should to find her. Addie lets him tug her in close to his side, tries to pretend this distracted affection is enough. She leans into him more than she should - the quill in his hand dangles dangerously close to her beige skirt.
"Don't worry, Addie. We'll be alright," Caspian murmurs.
Addie tucks her head and rests her palm on his chest. "I know," she says, with his heartbeat steady against her hand. "What are all these?"
Caspian's arm doesn't give when she tries to lean closer to the desk, nor when she reaches for a nearby map - a faded, crinkled thing with lines so faint it looks more like a scrap of old cloth.
"I'll take care of it," he says. "I promise." The furtive kiss Caspian presses to her brow is usually a sweet gesture. So why does it feel like he's pushing her away this time?
Addie frowns up at him before Caspian finally glances her way.
"What can I do? Are you comparing all these?" She hugs him tighter, if only to draw his attention again. But he's already turned away.
"What are you reading next?" Caspian asks, the words nearly vanishing amid the scrawl of his quill. "I still have some old tales, if you don't mind stories of the sea."
The sea? Addie glances down to the maps. A few months ago, she'd love the suggestion. Now, with so many plans to make, it seems silly. Useless, even, unless he'd rather head east out of Narnia altogether. Addie hesitates and sidles in close again, smoothing a hand up his back.
"Is east safer? It's more populated." Even a whisper this quiet itches under her skin.
Caspian pulls a blank paper further out from under the maps and scribbles something. "What? No, west."
"Then I'll read something useful." Addie steps out from under Caspian's arm and makes for the bookshelf on his right, where he keeps the more science-heavy tomes. She can memorise some edible plants, maybe some medicinal herbs. Any food they can pack won't last forever, and she can't learn how to hunt from the castle. Or maybe snare-setting?
"Anything you like," says Caspian.
Anything she likes - except getting a good look at those maps with him. Addie presses her lips into a thin seam and bites her tongue until it stings. If Caspian won't have her help, she'll figure out useful things on her own.
Her patience runs thin before she's picked a book.
"This affects me too," Addie whispers. "I know you know that."
That finally gets his attention. Caspian's quill stops mid-stroke as he turns.
He looks terrible.
His eyes are reddened and framed by purple bags, like when he's been studying too long without a break and proper sleep. It makes sense, given his astronomy lesson last night, but the shadows are deeper tonight. He walks stiffly, probably thanks to hunching over his desk for hours. Did he even stop for dinner?
"I don't want you to worry," Caspian says, reaching for her, quill dangling from his grip.
Addie plucks the feather from his fingers and sets it behind her as she faces him. Caspian's hands find her hips too easily, too quickly for her to remember that she's annoyed and no, a simple touch won't make it go away.
Addie holds him in place before Caspian can wrap her in his arms. "What is all this?"
"We need a good map," Caspian whispers into her hair. "The Narnian maps show the forests well. The Telmarine maps were drawn more recently, and we need to know all the inhabited areas."
"So you're combining?" Addie leans in so close his shirt collar tickles her lips. She scratches the itch with her teeth.
"I am," says Caspian. His hands trace steady lines up and down her back as he holds her like he always does, pressed so close she can almost forget the long hours spent away in the daytime. He finds the edge of her cap and tugs.
Addie draws away before he can free her hair. "I can make one too. Just in case."
Caspian's hand smooths over her shoulders as he presses another kiss to her hairline. "We do this together," he says. "Don't worry."
How does her reading in the window while he sketches a map count as making plans together? The comment takes shape on her tongue, but the purple under Caspian's eyes is sharper up close.
It's not worth it, not tonight. She still has ninety-three nights left to get the details.
Addie stretches onto her toes and brushes a kiss under his jawline. "Show me another time," she whispers as she returns his quill and lets the distance fall between them out of necessity.
Caspian returns to the maps without prompting, leaving her with the bookshelf and dozens of possibilities for company.
Addie scans the shelves until she finds something promising - Complete Collection of Plants and Their Properties. Such a thick book must have something helpful in it. Perhaps sketches, lists of edible plants and their medicinal properties, maps of resources by region? She can copy them down for the trip so they don't have to lug the whole book along.
Addie takes to the window seat with as much patience as she can muster and tucks in.
Perla spends the next few weeks making up for her previous generosity. Most nights Addie doesn't even leave the kitchen before the moon is the only light left, and sometimes she's too tired to trek to Caspian's chambers and dodge the guards. It's a shame she can barely write, but she'd still have to get it to him and that's a risk too.
Caspian says he understands when she shows up with a whispered apology, but he holds her a little longer than usual with his face buried in her neck. No kisses; his lips linger still and soft, like he's breathing her in. Odd, considering a day in the kitchens and the stringent lye soap leaves her skin red and rough.
Every time Addie sneaks out, Lola's stare is heavy. Two nights ago, Claudia asked if she and Marcos resolved their little lover's spat. It was everything Addie could do not to correct her; thankfully, her blush and quick exit after the morning's tea probably said enough.
After three weeks of Lola's silent disapproval, Addie can't bear it. The next time Perla lets them out before the moon comes up, she sticks with Lola as they file into the servants' hallway.
Addie checks that they're truly alone first, scanning the hall up and down before stopping in a shadow between torches. The dimly lit servants' halls have plentiful shadows to linger in.
"Come to your senses yet?" Lola bumps her shoulder like it's old times between them, but everything else feels so much heavier. "It's getting worse. You should know that better than anyone."
Addie swallows hard and tugs her cap lower on her forehead. "I know," she whispers. "I know it is."
Lola glances around the hallway before tugging Addie into a side hall.
"Then why are you still here?" she hisses. "Tash, Addie, you should be gone by now!" Lola's voice wobbles at the end, and even the dark shadows away from the torchlight can't hide the new sheen in her eyes. "You should be out of the castle - no, the city. Beruna might be far enough."
Addie's shaking her head before Lola can finish, stuffing her fingers under her arms so Lola won't see them shiver. "There's a few months yet."
Lola slumps against the wall. "So go now, before it gets worse. Just get out, anywhere, alright? Servants leave all the time."
They don't, and more importantly, she can't. Addie's throat threatens to choke her, but she can't. She can't leave him now. If word got to Miraz, it'd be as good as waving a flag that Caspian has his eye on escape too.
"I can't," Addie whispers.
For a long moment, Lola buries her face in her hands and slumps against the wall. When her hands drop away, her eyes are brighter. "You love him, right? I can understand that. Tash knows I can. But Alfonso won't get me killed."
Addie's breath catches on a sigh. "He won't let that happen. Neither will I."
"And if he can't help it? Something could go wrong, and you'll…" Lola breathes deep, her hands rubbing frantic circles up her arms. "Who'll look after you? Servants don't matter in games like this."
She matters to Caspian. But Lola's not wrong.
Addie's chest constricts. If something goes wrong, Caspian won't keep himself alive; he'll be busy looking after her. It could get them both killed.
Or just him. And that would be worse.
"I will," Addie murmurs, setting her jaw and loosening her arms as much as she dares. "I'll look after me. We know this place better than anyone, right?" With a flicker of a smile, Addie reaches out until Lola takes hold of her fingers. "It's not that far."
Lola's head snaps up. "Let's take a morning off. Or an evening, or something. I've been meaning to visit my family, and they'll want to see you."
"Maybe after lunch," Addie says. "If Perla gives us an hour."
Lola's family lives in the city. Addie hasn't ventured beyond the castle since Lola found her, when they were both barely old enough to work on their own.
She can look for alleys or hiding spots in the streets, in case she gets separated from Caspian. It never hurts to have a backup plan.
"Next time she does, we'll stop by," Lola agrees, her grip on Addie's fingers tightening as her mouth strains into a half-smile. "They might not recognise you."
The only time Addie met Lola's parents and two sisters was when Lola and her mother found her on the streets, dirty and babbling nonsense. But it's a good enough ruse.
Addie smiles a proper smile as her chest relaxes enough she can breathe. "Well, I'm not so dirty now."
Lola scans her, raising an eyebrow and smirking. "Still, a wash wouldn't hurt either of us."
"Perhaps not." Addie follows Lola back out to the courtyard and splashes off by the well.
It's a relief to wash away the day's dirt and the night's secrets. If she closes her eyes and imagines hard enough, they could almost be as they were a year ago - simple servant girls, with no bigger worries than the end of Perla's spatula and the aches and occasional burns of the scullery.
Perla finds it in her wooden heart to grant them an hour of free time two weeks later. Lola's worry sharpens over the fortnight - every casual hand squeeze lingers too long, short nails leaving angry red crescents on Addie's arm. Lola keeps looking at her like she's on the edge of a cliff and someone has to pull her away from the precipice.
Addie doesn't have the heart to remind Lola that it's too late. She knew the edge she walked with Caspian, and she chose him anyway. The rest will have to be worth it.
Addie keeps an eye on Lola too. Losing Anna was bad enough, but Lola…
She can't let that happen.
Thankfully Alfonso is the only soldier who approaches her, and Addie doesn't notice any strangers around the kitchens or the servants' quarters, nor new guards in the courtyard rotation. It's not much, but it's something. This time, Miraz's patrols are more targeted - thickest around Caspian's chambers, normal everywhere else.
"Alright, go on. Back in one hour, not a minute more!" Perla waves them off with the spatula, slightly scorched from a little oven mishap a week ago.
Lola seizes Addie's hand and takes off, giggling like they're on some grand adventure. As if they're nothing but two silly servant girls taking advantage of a rare hour to themselves.
Addie finds a laugh bubbling up past her lips despite everything as they jog across the courtyard to the servants' side door. Lola shoulders it open as she tugs off her cap and shakes her brown waves free. This side passage - a curved hallway barely the width of Addie's shoulder's with narrow slits of windows bleeding daylight - is an alternate path to the bridge mostly used if the castle gate is clogged with soldiers or a returning hunting party.
A moment later, they emerge into the sunlight. The bridge is completely exposed, with two guard towers at each end.
There's no hiding here.
Lola links their arms and strolls along with half a skip in her step. She waves shyly to a pair of guards, something Addie has the good sense to mimic even though the smile itches in her mouth.
Another pair of guards wait at the end of the bridge, stopping anyone who comes through. The older woman pulling a small cart filled with herbs and vials entering from the city talks with them for a few moments before passing through easily.
Addie smooths away the nerves and walks step-in-step with Lola. One guard is busy with an attempted afternoon nap against his spear, but the older one isn't so lax.
"Business in the city?"
Lola dimples up at him. "Family visit. It's been too long."
When the guard looks to Addie, she brightens her smile. "Almost a year now."
The guard grunts. "Sisters, then? Destination?"
"Yes," says Lola, without so much as a blink of hesitation. "Sisters. Our family is just past the woodworker's shop."
The guard waves them through. Addie's smile splinters as soon as the guard is behind them. A sudden stinging makes her eyes water.
When they're out of earshot, she can't help but ask. "Cousins might have worked too."
Lola's grip on her arm is a fierce thing, tight enough to ache in her bones. "Of course sisters. Don't be silly."
Addie presses her lips closed against whatever ridiculous thing might slip out, holding on to Lola like a lifeline as they hurry over the cobblestones.
The shadows behind the guardhouse are deep even in the afternoon sun; if she can get across the bridge and slip past when they're distracted, she could hide there until a guard change or to lose anyone chasing her.
As the road slopes into the city proper, Lola squeezes her arm whenever they pass a small alcove Addie could tuck herself into. For a street filled with stiff stone buildings, it's peppered with surprisingly many nooks someone could hide in, especially at night.
When the buildings change from stone to wood with thatched roofs, Lola tugs Addie to the left after they pass a bakery. "Come on, I know a shortcut."
Lola guides them into a cramped alley wedged between the backs of two rows of wooden buildings. It's smelly, damp, and dark; the sunlight peeks through in tiny slivers between the overlapping roof edges, the close quarters trapping the day's heat. With the butcher's at the end, the smell is eye-watering. Addie coughs back a gag at the bucket of scraps balanced precariously in the butcher's back doorstep.
"What a shortcut," Addie mumbles. It could prove useful, but in the afternoon it's nearly unbearable.
Her other hand over her nose, Lola leans in. "This parallels much of the main street. Follow it to the end until you find the cobblestone road again. Cross it, and follow the next alley straight out."
Addie picks her way over the packed dirt, following Lola's careful steps around the messes. "And the city wall? Isn't there a gate?"
"Yes. Don't know the guard schedule, but wait until morning and slip under a cart. People're always coming and going from the market."
The alley ends at the main road, exactly as Lola said. They're back to smiles and girlish giggles as they melt into the flow of humanity long enough to find the next alley. This one could put Tash's hells to shame, tucked behind a smithy and a glassblower workshop.
For a moment, the hiss of the blacksmith's project hitting water morphs into a scream, a foreign wail she hears in dreams sometimes. Addie shivers and pushes the memories of a nightmare away.
Just dreams. Nothing more.
The alley forks off when the sweat slips in beads down Addie's neck. One path continues straight on toward the city gate, but Lola turns right and leads her through a cooler path. It opens up into the market square, bustling with people selling their wares on rickety carts and customers haggling over jingling bags of coins, all overseen by a towering, twisted oak.
In the welcoming cool of the shadows, Lola wraps an arm around Addie's waist. "If you can't catch a shift change, sneak a ride here," she whispers. "The cobbler's cart might have the most room."
Addie spots the cobbler easily - a twig of a boy sits with his feet dangling off the cart roof polishing a pair of leather boots while his similarly reedy father haggles with a soldier.
Catch a guard change or hide in the cobbler's cart - either one is much quieter than riding a horse out like Caspian wants. Addie chews the fleshy inside of her cheek. She may not need as much speed; she can sneak about. Tash knows she's gotten rather good at it over the months.
"Thank you."
Lola guides them out of the shadows and into the square. There are soldiers here too, but they're few and far between. Half of them are dressed in the simple white shirts and brown pants of off-duty soldiers.
"Hour's almost up," says Lola. "Come on, we'll take the main road back."
After the tight squeeze of the alleys, it's a welcome respite to weave through a crowd in a road wide enough for two carts to pass side-by-side.
She can make her own plans too.
Caspian
After days of work, the map is done. Caspian's marked out the current geography, towns and villages, roads, and every troop route and station he knows of, and noted Narnian names for the land in between. After studying Narnian maps as much as the Telmarine, it only seems right to represent both. Without the Narnian maps, he'd have no idea what lies in the forests.
Caspian carefully rolls up the map and tucks it into the back of a bottom shelf, deep enough in the shadows no one would spot it unless they're at eye level and have the luxury of time to snoop. With the map perfected even according to Doctor Cornelius' keen eye for detail, Caspian turns to the more practical matters of travel.
He, Addie, and Destrier make three mouths to feed and little room for provisions. They need to travel as lightly as possible to outrun any pursuers Miraz will send if they leave too late. Two weeks' provisions should be enough to see them to the darkest parts of the woods. Once he and Addie reach the forest, they'll live off what they can scavenge or hunt. Doctor Cornelius will take the eastward path south to Archenland and meet them in the mountain pass.
When he straightens to his shelf of botany and medicinal books, Caspian finds the largest compendium marked with the leather bookmark he gave Addie a few weeks back. She'd teased him for being stuffy and tried to insist the old scrap of a note worked fine, but he tasted her smile when he kissed her. Caspian suspects the simple leather strip meant more to her than she'd admit, especially when he started using the two bookmarks to let her know if he'd be back late. More than once, Caspian caught her stroking the bookmark with her thumb when she thought he wasn't looking.
It comforts him, too, knowing Addie has something of his.
Caspian takes the Complete Collection of Plants and Their Properties from its spot, careful to keep Addie's place. An edge of thinner paper than the book's pages pokes from behind Addie's bookmark. Caspian thumbs it open and finds shaky sketches and wobbly letters. Addie's notes.
Yet another skill a kitchen maid shouldn't have. Addie's no scribe, but she knows letters and numbers, and she can hold a quill well enough. Caspian traces the splotched, uneven letters. Did her life before the castle give her this, too?
Later, he'll ask her more about where she came from, but for now there's too much to do. It doesn't matter where she came from, only where they go now. Together.
Caspian tucks Addie's notes back into the pages and flips to the section on medicinal plants.
She must have finished the book on Archenland tales, though he can't recall. That's good; one of them, at least, should be free to enjoy a pleasant story amid this mess. She deserves as much.
He can give her that much.
A/N: How Caspian manages to keep the sap going, I will never know.
Chapter 22 Preview:
"What I can't afford," he rasps, "is losing you. Ride with me. Trust me."
"I trust you," she says after a long moment.