A/N: Well, after an 11k writeathon last weekend, I'm relieved to say the Part 2 rewrites are officially done! I was worried I'd have to slow down the update for a little bit, but the writing muse came through and my amazing beta reader (who has insisted on remaining nameless) did some incredible work co-writing a battle sequence. And NaNoWriMo officially starts in 6 hours *panicked scream*, so please forgive any weirdly phrased author's notes for the next 4 weeks. All my good words live on the drafting page until December 1st. Now, on to this week's angsty shenanigans!
Chapter 22 Content Warnings: brief mention of sex
Chapter 22: we could break away
Caspian
Within the week, he finishes the map. Caspian knew Miraz feared the woods, but it's heartening to see it laid out plainly. Rarely do his uncle's men - or the Telmarines as a people - settle near the woods or the east. Lord Arlian confirmed this morning that another small patrol went missing west of Beruna.
His boots echo on stone as Caspian turns into the hallway to his quarters and nods to a passing patrol (better to appear trusting). He clasps his hands once they've passed, reviewing the map in his head as he rounds the last bend before to his chambers.
If the search parties sweep south first, he and Addie will have time to gather themselves in the Shuddering Wood as planned. If Miraz's men begin in the west, they can cross the Great River and hide in the eastern forests approaching Cair Paravel and take the route through Glasswater to the south and into the Southern Mountains bordering Archenland. King Nain is no friend to Miraz; Doctor Cornelius suggested months ago that he might be sympathetic to Caspian's flight.
Perhaps King Nain may support Caspian's claim to the throne? Likely not - what king would start a war over another kingdom's royal succession? - but perhaps it's possible to convince him. Archenland was a loyal Narnian ally in the Golden Age.
Caspian palms open his door. If Addie is safe in Archenland, why not fight for his rightful throne? Narnia will not be a kinder place with Miraz formally crowned king. What sort of prince is he if he'd abandon his country to his uncle without a fight?
As usual, Caspian finds his bedroom and his impeccably made bed empty - and the study flickers orange-gold with candlelight. Caspian sprints across his room, arms already acting to hold her. The rug spread at the foot of his bed muffles his boots.
As Caspian bursts into the study, there she is, framed in the candle's glow and rushing into his open arms.
Lion, he missed her. Caspian crushes Addie to his chest and buries his face in her shoulder, breathing in the comfort of her closeness. These weeks of less frequent visits leave him too much time to wonder if his uncle has won, if he's lost her to a dungeon or to death. Addie's absences always weighed heavy in his stomach, but the ache is sharper now.
At least he still has these nights. Addie visits when she can and then he gets to hold her, trace her supple curves and toned limbs, drown in the taste of her lips until his heart steadies.
She's here. She's alive. He hasn't lost her.
He won't.
"How are you?" Caspian murmurs into her neck between kisses. Addie's skin always carries a light scent of pepper, something sharp and wild.
He knows they use different soaps. But it's so… Addie, to awaken him with only her scent.
"'M fine," Addie mumbles into his shoulder. "Though I should probably figure out how to ride a horse."
What? Was Addie truly worrying about her riding abilities as she waited for him?
Caspian's arms tighten until Addie's heartbeat echoes against his chest. She shouldn't be worrying about logistics. Addie should be… reading, exploring old Narnian tales, enjoying whatever peace yet lingers in his quarters. She shouldn't be worrying. She deserves so much better than fretting over their impending deaths. This shouldn't be her burden to carry, too.
Possible impending deaths. It hasn't come to pass.
Addie is still here. She is still his.
She's babbling half-nonsense about learning to ride by midnight, sneaking past the castle guards and the courtyard patrols and the stable guards and the bridge guards and the entire guardhouse where the bridge meets the city -
Lion's Mane, where is her sense of self-preservation?
Caspian pulls back and cups her cheeks, kissing her forehead fiercely. "We ride together," he whispers. "I've arranged everything with Doctor Cornelius."
Her brow puckers beneath his lips. "Together? But isn't it faster separately?"
"Only if we were both experienced riders." No sooner have the words passed his lips than Caspian feels Addie's doubt settle around his shoulders like a thick winter cloak. He kisses her before she can speak, soothing away her stillborn protests.
"At first, Doctor Cornelius thought the same," he murmurs into Addie's mouth. "I told him just the one. It's safer for us both this way."
Again her lips part, and again Caspian kisses her.
"Destrier is strong," Caspian says quietly. "He'll be alright. We'll be alright."
Please, he thinks, please trust me.
On their own mounts, they'll be broken apart as effortlessly as a soldier snaps an ill-whittled arrow. Miraz's soldiers will pick off Addie as easily as a boot crushes a beetle, and what will be the purpose, then, in running? What will he have left to live for? What fight will he muster with the yawning stretch of grief pulling him under to drown?
Addie's hands trace soothing circles over his shoulders, her thumbs tracing his collarbones. Her mouth puckers in a frown, but she says nothing.
Caspian kisses her concern away. If she must worry, every ounce should be for herself. If she must think of the escape, let it only be of her own, of her survival.
Anything less would be the end of his fight.
He mustn't think so despairingly, Caspian chides himself. Doctor Cornelius would preach the importance of trusting in Aslan to see them through these dark times.
Addie's tongue swirls sinfully, coaxing his into her mouth. Caspian drifts under her spell, because why not indulge in a little distraction? Faith is important, but given the choice to pray or to spend his night between Addie's thighs, Caspian knows where he'll beg to be.
Caspian's hands wander to her hips, the curve of supple skin over firm muscles soothing the knife's edge of foreboding forever sharpening at the edge of his awareness. He's fulfilled his duties for the night. He can drown in her.
He has not tasted Addie in over a week. Perhaps this will be one of the rare occasions Addie surrenders to her own pleasure.
To his dismay, Addie retreats just as the proposition forms on Caspian's tongue.
"I went into the city last week," she breathes across his lips. "It's slower, but it's quiet."
Caspian's hands stutter to a halt. Slower isn't even the word; Miraz would have them hemmed in within the hour, scrabbling around like rats in a trap.
Addie pulls him flush to her again, her breath cooling his moistened lips. "There are streets good for hiding."
"My uncle will lock down the city," Caspian explains as gently as he is able. "We can't risk being trapped."
Addie's hands tense as Caspian clutches her tighter. "You can't," she says. "But can't I? What will Miraz care for a servant if you're miles away?"
Leave separately? Her by foot, and he by horse? What in the Mane is she thinking?
Caspian hears himself babbling out the details of his plan, how Doctor Cornelius will escape on the same night and the soldiers will be split up anyway. Not to worry, please don't worry, they'll cut west and then south through the Shuddering Wood, ride hard through the night and make their way through the Southern Mountains to Archenland. He's arranged everything, he'll keep her safe, all they have to do is stick to the plan, stay together. Didn't she plead for as much in the spring? What good is it to her, to him, to them if she's captured?
Addie silences him with a finger. Caspian kisses her fingertip at once, his lips peppering her work-toughened skin down to her wrist.
"With Miraz's soldiers scattered over Narnia looking for you, they'll never bother with me. Or they'll assume I'm with you." Addie's thumb strokes his jaw, her touch as steady as if she commented on the weather.
"He has enough men," Caspian answers, his shoulders aching with tremors. "Even if he doesn't, the other lords do. We can't risk that."
Caspian knows the truth even as he tucks Addie's hair behind her ears.
He can't risk it.
You won't know either way. And neither will I.
In the weeks since he nearly worked up the courage to send Addie south to Archenland, no words have haunted Caspian as vividly as those.
If they separate - now or later, it makes no difference when - he could never know. He will lose her and never know until it's too late to stop it, to help her, to make her stay -
Caspian traces the curve of Addie's ears, her hair tickling his knuckles. To this day, he only has suspicions about his parents' deaths. He was a babe, too young to understand the danger. To say goodbye. To warn them, perhaps.
Now he is a young man, old enough to recognise his uncle's treachery. He should be strong enough, wise enough, to keep one of the last remaining people he loves safe.
How can he keep Addie safe if she is half the country away? How will he know when she needs him?
How will he know before it's too late?
The heat of Addie's palms envelops his cheeks, but even her fingertips brushing away the desperation seeping from his eyes can't chase away the dagger in his chest.
If Addie is not at his side, Caspian will lose her. Can't she see that? Didn't she say as much months ago?
When did she change her mind?
Addie's murmur shivers between them as their foreheads press together.
"I don't want to ride with you if that's the last thing we ever do."
"It won't be!" Lion forgive him, but how can he temper his tone when Addie speaks of -
"We agreed we do this together," Caspian snaps, before his mind can finish the thought. "Together, remember? What's changed?"
Addie's fingers tangle in his sleeves as she looks away.
"Nothing's changed," she says at last. "We'll find each other after. I just… I don't want to slow you down. I don't want to get you killed like -"
Her voice breaks, her cheeks glistening in the candlelight.
Like Anna.
Caspian draws her in close and kisses away her tears.
"You won't," he insists with fervent, frantic hands skipping over her back. "It's far more dangerous to ride separately."
Addie looks away, her back stiffening under his touch.
"Two of us is almost twice the weight. And then there's your armour, the food, weapons. That's a lot more than a horse usually carries, isn't it?"
Words fail him. It's a paltry excuse; Addie's weight wouldn't slow a war horse worth its grain, and Destrier is a battle mount fit for a prince.
Caspian's hands fall away as his feet carry him out of reach. Is Addie having second thoughts?
He shouldn't blame her if she is. He's already cost her a friend; how much else is he asking her to sacrifice? She could leave now, travel to Archenland and out of Miraz's reach -
Miraz will know. A servant girl disappearing, no family, no connections. How long will it take Miraz to find her? A week? A month?
Miraz will kill her before his heir is even born. Addie will die alone in the wilds of Narnia, beyond his reach.
Caspian's throat tightens.
"Do you want to leave?" he hears himself ask. "Separately," he adds too late.
Addie's face twists.
"No," she answers at once. "I don't want to. But I think we should."
Will Miraz leave her body to rot among the trees? Or will he bring her back to throw her corpse at Caspian's feet before dealing the final blow?
If only he'd stood firm those months ago. He should have sent her away then and let Miraz think Anna was the end of it. Addie could be safely out of Narnia by now. She could have started a new life in a border village, or in Anvard.
He was a fool.
"It's too late now, Addie. If you leave now, my uncle will hunt you down within the week." Caspian turns back to her. Addie's eyes are glassy, her breaths shallow and halting as he sets his jaw and fights to steady his voice. "You've never left the city, you don't know the forest, you won't stand a chance against a search party of soldiers. What good will it do either of us if you're killed out there?"
Addie's eyes flash as she leans away, a frown tightening her mouth. "I've survived this long."
"It's different!" No, he shouldn't raise his voice. Addie hates when he raises his voice. "It's different," Caspian repeats, softer. "You've survived in the castle. Even here, my uncle's patience is the only reason we both still live."
Addie falls silent, the harsh lines of her brow softening as she steps into his arms. "Then let's leave," she says, desperation distorting her plea. "Together, now, while we still can. We'll go south like you said."
"Addie -"
Her hands fist in his shirt, warm palm pressing over his staccato heartbeat. "If you're waiting, I'm waiting. I'm not leaving without you. Why not leave now?"
Lion, she's so stubborn. So determined to hold on until her last breath.
Caspian's hands stray back to her shoulders.
"I have to wait until my aunt gives birth," Caspian says. "If she bears a daughter and I've gone, the throne is as good as my uncle's. No lord would dare support my claim if I've fled like a coward."
Addie's touch lightens as her hands slide to his waist. Her gaze stays stubbornly low even when he tries to tip her chin up so she will meet his eyes.
"Alright," she whispers. "Then we wait. And when it's time, we split up until we're out of the city."
This again?
"Have you heard nothing I've said? It's too dangerous on your own." He ought to be patient, Caspian knows he ought to be patient, but how much patience can he muster when Addie is so set on striking out alone?
Does she not trust him to keep her safe?
Caspian's stomach churns. Perhaps Addie's right to doubt him. First his parents, then his nurse, and any lord who spoke too kindly of his father. How many people has he gotten killed over the years by association alone?
Soft lips press to his. The heat of Addie's mouth is nearly enough to chase away his darkest musings.
Nearly.
"You have to survive, Caspian. You can't afford anything slowing you down," Addie whispers, gently stroking his cheeks. "Even me."
Especially me. That's what she means.
Does Addie not understand how much he needs her? What it would do to him if she -
Caspian seizes her at once, cupping her cheeks with more desperation than gentleness. What time has he for gentleness when she's proposing -
"What I can't afford," he rasps, "is losing you. Ride with me. Trust me."
It's a sad, resigned smile Addie gives to him, a heavy silence she wraps around them like a winter cloak in summer.
"I trust you," she says after a long moment.
Does she? Caspian trembles into Addie's sudden kiss.
Should she?
He's failed everyone who came before her. He can't lose her too. What king can he hope to be if he can't keep her safe? How can he trust himself to lead a kingdom if he can't even save the woman he -
No, he can't think that way. They're as ready as they can be. This time, it will be enough.
He will be enough.
The sudden, frantic swirl of Addie's tongue between his lips tears a moan from his throat. He ought to kiss her soundly to sate their need for connection and then return to the study. There is still reading aplenty to do about Archenland's recent history and politics, along with several letters between Miraz and King Nain Caspian plucked from the library's secret shelves. The more he knows, the easier it will be to draft the introductory letter to King Nain. Doctor Cornelius thinks the Archenland king may be of help.
But Addie is here and the press of her curves is tempting, and what better way to smooth the disagreement than finding relief in each other?
And yet, for all the pleasure he takes from the nectar between her legs and her wet heat wrapped around him as he comes, something in Addie's kisses still tastes of goodbye.
Addie
It's a bad idea. Lola keeps urging her to leave, insisting that sticking too close to Caspian now will get her killed. But when Addie wakes well before dawn and kisses his brow before sneaking out for an early start, she wonders if it's the opposite.
If she'll get him killed.
Like she got Anna killed.
If he cares about you and you care about him, you're his weakness.
Caspian was marked for death long before she met him, she knows that now, but what if Bruna was right?
You've never left the city, you don't know the forest, you won't stand a chance against a search party of soldiers.
Caspian was right too. She doesn't know what she's doing, doesn't know what's beyond the city walls any better than Caspian does. But Caspian has trained for years with a sword and crossbow. He knows how to fight.
And she… Addie swallows. She's dead weight. How will Caspian have time to look after himself if he has to take care of her too?
Addie evades the usual patrols and rushes to the courtyard just in time to catch Lola. She arrives later than the others, no doubt thanks to Alfonso.
"Oh, Addie! Change in schedule?" Lola greets her hastily, smoothing her skirt with one hand and adjusting her cap with the other.
"No, just a quick question." Addie sprints the few paces left between them, her cap a messy ball in her fist. "Mind if I ask Alfonso something?"
Lola stuffs a stubborn wisp under her cap as she answers Perla's shout that she'll be right over. "Of course, about what?"
Addie leans in to whisper. "I need to learn how to fight. Think he knows someone trustworthy?"
"So do I," Lola says with a tight laugh. "Just have him do it; I don't mind."
She darts off at Perla's yell before Addie can thank her. No matter; she'll sort the details later. For now, she has someone who can help. She'll familiar with the basics from Alfonso, and Caspian already said he wants to show her how to buy herself time in a fight. Two teachers should help.
The relief of progress puts the spring back in Addie's steps as she rushes back to the study to meet Bruna.
Addie asks her if she knows a good place to get passable boots. Something sturdy enough to gather herbs at the forest's edge.
When Bruna suggests checking with Sal for used things the nobles discard, she looks at her like she knows everything.
Later, when Perla's distracted getting the last of the lunch dishes out the door, Addie asks Lola when Alfonso has time.
"Start tonight, if you can," Lola whispers, their words muffled by the water jugs in their arms. "He's not on duty. Meet me outside, where we sit."
Perla bustles back in barking orders for lunch cleanup before Addie can agree, but when the day is done, Addie sticks by Lola's side.
It's a late night thanks to Perla's insistence on testing a new recipe. It's rare that she introduces new dishes, especially since she has dozens upon dozens of recipes memorized - a whole recipe book's worth. Perla got it in her head that Lord Miraz is growing bored and how Lady Prunaprismia must have the best of the best, which apparently meant roasting six different vegetables with venison and grouse fresh from the castle butcher. Something about the importance of red meat.
More likely, Miraz has been especially hard to please and Perla's trying to appease him. It wouldn't be the first time.
Addie loops arms with Lola as they hang back from Claudia and Sellea, calling goodnights ahead before the other two maids disappear. With the dim crescent moon, the courtyard is darker than usual. Yet Lola tugs her along the moment something moves in the shadows. She knows Alfonso by his shadow.
Addie hangs back to give them a moment of privacy for the same hellos she and Caspian trade at the end of a day apart. Though judging by the carefree pecking, Lola and Alfonso can kiss each other without wondering if it's the last time. There's no time limit hanging over them.
Will she and Caspian have that easy joy when they escape and find a sanctuary together? Or will there be a war and a thousand more reasons to worry she'll never kiss him again?
Addie shakes the thought free. No use in that. Even if there is a war, there'll be time for tenderness and relief. They'll have the simple, comfortable hellos of lovers who know they'll wake to the same beloved face every morning. She just has to hold on, keep planning, make sure she's ready. That's all.
"Hi Addie," comes Alfonso's breathless greeting, muffled as he whispers it from around Lola's shoulder. "How are you?"
Addie bites back a bittersweet smile. Ever polite, just like Caspian.
"I could use a favour."
Lola's hand finds Addie's and tugs. "Come on," Lola hums, "the guards' quarters should be empty. The others are on duty, right?"
Alfonso agrees, and then Addie's hurrying after them through the courtyard, past the rabble gambling outside, and into the barracks. As Lola predicted, all the dozen cots on Alfonso's floor are empty. Alfonso's quarters aren't that different from theirs, aside from a bigger hay mattress instead of a cot and a better blanket that covers it.
Alfonso stops in the middle of the room with a pleasant smile, Lola held tight to his side. "You needed a favour?"
"You know how to fight," Addie answers. "Can you teach me? And hunting too, if we can."
Alfonso looks to Lola, brow puckered for a moment.
"It's important," Lola says. "I wouldn't mind knowing the basics either."
"It's that bad?" Alfonso frowns. It looks strange on him - out of place on his clean-shaven face that makes him look younger than the other guards. "I'll help, of course. But be careful."
Addie shrugs. "Always am."
Lola snorts, staring her down with pursed lips. "Not as much as she should be. But yes, it's that bad."
"And on that note," Addie cuts in, "please don't mention this to anyone."
Alfonso nods with an easy smile. "Of course. Well, let's get started then."
It's a bit awkward, getting used to her every movement being observed and picked apart and corrected until her muscles ache. But having Lola there too helps make it bearable - even funny, when she gets frustrated and Alfonso pokes her into place. It's a nicer way to spend the night than Addie thought, seeing Lola happy and as carefree as anyone gets in this castle.
Alfonso dotes on her, still blushes when she smiles at him. He's all Addie could ever want for someone as kind as Lola.
For herself, Addie takes comfort in the sting of well-worked muscles, the marking of doing her part to prepare for the escape. It helps to know she can still decide things on her own.
Addie wakes gradually, as she often does with Caspian's heat behind her. Ever since Anna, she struggles to sleep through the night. At least this time, it was just a warm bed and not a nightmare of losing him. It's nicer to stretch without reaching immediately for his chest to find his heartbeat. Addie knows it's there.
He's safe. For now.
She still reaches over after her stretch and finds Caspian's heart, its beat slow and steady. The rhythm usually eases her back to sleep, but this time oblivion hovers out of reach, close enough to weigh down her eyelids but far enough she can't follow Caspian back into the world of dreams.
Just the one, he said. One horse, for two of them. Is he so sure they'll have a head start? That no one will notice a prince and a girl riding away at an ungodly hour of the night and let them go, or that they can fight their way past all the guards? Miraz has patrols around the well and throughout the servants' passages now. He won't let them slip away so easily.
What if Miraz sends a whole company after them? Caspian can't take on that many, not if he's trying to look after her too. Even without her, they'd overwhelm him.
And if they manage to escape the castle, it's too easy to imagine her falling off the horse and Caspian stopping to swing her back up, only to lose whatever time they might get from the surprise attempt at escape. Or worse, the guards firing their crossbows and Caspian doubling back only to meet the same fate.
Or the arrow finding him first, if he has her ride in front of him. Addie dreamed that once - she could only watch helplessly as Caspian fell out of reach with empty eyes and a mouth that would never kiss her again.
Addie turns in his arms to bury her nose against his chest. How can he look after himself if he's busy trying to take care of her? Will he get himself killed trying to protect her?
No.
She won't lose him. There's still something she can do.
Caspian won't get the chance. She'll look after herself, and then all he'll have to focus on is keeping himself alive. He's in more danger; he's the one with a throne to his name.
When her eyelids finally droop, the door clicks open. Addie sits up, Caspian's arm falling away from her waist as he snores. He always snores a little on his back.
An old man in a hooded cloak slips through the shadows, wispy beard catching on the moonlight filtering through the window. Caspian's professor comes in sometimes, but she's never been awake to introduce herself. Now's as good a time as any.
She needs his help.
Addie slides out from under the covers, skirt bunched awkwardly from the pull of the sheets, one finger held tight over her lips. The professor's beady little eyes glint in the dark, but he keeps quiet as he follows her into the study. Addie guides the door shut and faces this stranger with her head held high and her hands loose at her sides.
"He mentioned two horses," she whispers. Hopefully the professor isn't hard of hearing, even with his age.
Doctor Cornelius scans the room before stepping in closer and murmuring through his beard. "That was my recommendation, yes. But His Highness insisted on the one."
Addie nods. "He's more worried about being separated. He said Destrier is strong."
The dull thump of an arrow and Caspian's face as he fell from her reach flashes through her mind. Addie inhales gradually until the image fades. Caspian is just beyond the door, sleeping soundly with a stray lock of hair flopped over his eyebrow.
"I'm worried it's too big a risk," Addie says. "Is it?"
Doctor Cornelius stares straight through her, his hood casting everything but his beard deep in shadows. "The more useful question, my dear, is if we can convince Caspian it is. He will never willingly leave you behind."
Willingly.
The spaces between her ribs begin to ache.
"I know." Addie's grimace burns across her lips. "I tried to convince him. He wouldn't hear of it from me, either."
Doctor Cornelius nods, his puffy fingers intertwined on his belly. "As expected. I shall plan accordingly."
Addie blinks, fabric shushing along the floor as Doctor Cornelius turns away. After years of tutoring Caspian, can this professor think of nothing to change his mind? Nothing at all?
Caspian's death stare flares behind her eyes.
"Doctor!" Addie darts to his side, her heart thundering with warning. "If something goes wrong, if Caspian and I get separated… you'll make sure he gets out, won't you?"
For a moment, the professor blinks owlishly at her, the shadows and his hood and that belly-length beard hiding every other feature. Addie sets her jaw against the tightness curling in her throat.
He says nothing, this bookish professor. But his tiny nod says everything.
A/N: Sooooo, any guesses for how the escape actually plays out?
Chapter 23 Preview:
"We'll be gone before anyone can stop us. I won't let anything happen to you."
Addie stiffens, her hands stilling halfway to his shoulders. "You know that's not what scares me," she says.