Ashton has a long conversation with Alluka, detailing her past identity to how she figured out who she was.
The mood had changed, now that Ashton understands why Alluka asked the question. It wasn't a matter of her using her story to argue why she is trans. She's still trying to figure it out, even though her brother and Daniel, obviously, still refer to the sister as her.
She's trying to understand more of herself while listening to others stories. Bringing Leo into the conversation may also be beneficial to Alluka, not only because they're in a similar age range, Leo being older, but he's coming from the opposite end. Female to male.
"Alright, although… I will be honest about something."
"What's that…?" Alluka asked, curious about where the older woman planned to start the conversation.
"Two things, actually. First, I wish I questioned things earlier, rather than pushed them far to the back of my mind. Second, I'd kill to look androgynous in my teen years. You have features that I'd argue give you a more androgynous look. Whether you are trans, or you decide later that it's not something you identify with… you can pass as a feminine guy. Daniel, I'd also dare say he has an androgynous look too…"
Daniel looked at the older woman, mortified at the compliment. It was never his attention to pass looking androgynous. Once more, someone has argued that he could pass as a girl, but this time they were looking him directly in the face as they said it "It was never my intention to pass as a female or-"
"No, no… you miss understand me." Ashton rectified, "What I'm saying is based on mere genetics. It may have not been your intention, but it's a current fact about yourself. Now, you may grow out of it, or for the rest of your life… you could walk the fine line of passing either way. Considering I can see the resemblance of Vastorie in you, I'd say it's safe to say you'll grow up to be handsome. Not that I'm arguing I would hit on your father at any point if he was attracted to ladies… of course."
"Considering how he acting right now… I'd argue you won't be interested in him."
"I see…" Ashton sat back, arms now crossed "That being said, I'd say your family genetics are impossibly good." She turned to Killua "You could pass as a feminine dude."
Killua blushed, "Great for Alluka, not for me. Now can we get off this topic… I don't do well with compliments."
"Noted…" She turned back to Alluka, "I could offer you advice on how to use makeup, but it's something, that's better off used much later in life. It's not that good for the skin… as in constantly putting makeup on, I'm talking, constant, thick layers of the stuff. Also, keeping up with skincare and the right kind of makeup could help reduce the chances of you ruining your skin later."
"Right…"
"That being said… as I'm telling you my story, if at any point you become uncomfortable, let me know. We'll take a break before continuing. You can ask me questions or tips; I'll depart knowledge on what I think is best for you. I won't give you anything, however, if it's something I'm not well versed in or it's a topic best left for somebody else."
The three gave a nod.
"Good… I'll start in my teen years, before bouncing through the years to key points of my life. Let's start small… While I didn't question my gender until I was well into my twenties, when I was a wee young lad, I liked to cross-dress. I preferred silky materials over the cotton shirts and denim jeans most of my peers were wearing over the years. However, I kept that more to myself… only dressing that way when I felt I could get away with it…"
The woman looked at the floor, saddened by the memory, "My family would've never been comfortable with the idea of their son being in dresses. Even now, I haven't spoken to them for longer than a decade. That's why people like Margret McLeod, piss me the fuck off, the most. I've already walked the path her son, Leo has…"
Killua spoke up, "Have you tried reaching out?"
Ashton gave a nod, "Yup… no response."
"Siblings…?"
"Only child. At least from my knowledge… could I have a younger brother or sister out there… maybe. But nobody has come forward or messaged me."
"Have you tried visiting your parents?"
"I have thought about it… I tried to… I guess." She shook her head, "I'll explain about that later. When I was about fifteen… I was caught by a friend, who later… well, he wasn't a good friend after that. He blackmailed me to… you know."
Alluka gave a puzzled looked, which made Killua almost not want to respond, "How long?"
"Three years… it lasted three years. For the first six months, it was hell. He'd get me to do things for him. Most were unfortunately self-gratifying things, but after the six months, not only did I get more comfortable with the idea, I… I fell… down a very, uncomfortable rabbit hole. I thought I was gay. It was about a year into our deal, did he start taking me on dates, I fell into a false sense of security. I was under the assumption that he wanted to be with me… Unfortunately, he was just using me. Those dates… now looking back on it, they ended the same, every time. I wish I would've noticed sooner… gotten out of it sooner."
The woman sighed, "The moment I brought up I wanted to tell my family I have a boyfriend, he went from sweet… to an absolute monster. Back then I was scared given his reaction, but looking back on it… I feel like he was equally as scared as I was. He worked quickly… told my whole family I was a…" Ashton cleared her throat, "Queer little faggot. He showed pictures, images where he was conveniently cropped out. Me trying to point out it was him in the pictures didn't help the situation…"
"He cut me out of his life, until recently. He reached out to me… apologising. He got my name wrong multiple times but considering he talked to me well after my transition, I gave him some leeway. He has a wonderful husband and two beautiful girls. He was legitimately happy… his husband was well, aware of what he did to me but if he hadn't pushed him to reach out to me to apologise, the guilt would've eaten away at him for many years…"
"Did you forgive him…?" Killua broached the topic, noticing the slight sadness give way to a much softer smile.
Ashton shook her head, "Not at first… it wasn't until I met his husband, my stance softened. Talking to him, changed my perspective on my… old friend. For a guy who used to burn toast in his younger years, he makes a killer Borscht."
Killua laughed at the remark, the situation reminding him much of his partner. Daniel is a terrible cook, but he's great at baking.
Ashton gave the boys a knowing smirk, considering the way Killua was looking at Daniel, they shared a similarity with Michael and his husband Viktor.
"But I'd attribute that to his husband teaching him how to cook. Plus, his daughters called me pretty… he taught them well."
The two boys once more chuckled, the woman once more continuing, "However, that happened long after the incident that sent me on a different path. As soon as my family found out, they destroyed all my dresses and forced me to wear male clothing. They went as far as to micromanage where I spent my money. They always kept eyes on me, so I had to get creative with how I brought stuff. I couldn't just pull money out and buy it with cash… I had to create a separate account and funnel money into it. Anything I brought for myself; I hid it in a place my family would never think to look…"
The woman shifted in her seat, slouching back, dejected from having to relive her past from her words. She was certain other people had it worse than her. For her, personally… having her life stolen from her not once… but twice was the straw that broke the camel's back.
"To put it lightly… I thought they were oblivious to my sneaky actions. But they were far from it… they were tracking my movements. One day when I returned, as I walked through the front door… I never expected my life to end… figuratively. It was my mother and father sitting on the couch, for who knows how long… let's be honest here. They could've been sitting there for an hour at that point, but to young adult me… all I felt was a sense of dread. On my father's lap, was the box where I kept my things… dug up from the dirt as though it were a cursed treasure. Suffice to say… I was disowned."
"Just like that…" Alluka asked, distraught from the scenario.
"Just like that…" Ashton repeated, expression now shifting to a more hopeful one. Even though what happened next was far from hopeful, she knows where she has ended up, in a position that can help others. Whether it be a beacon of light in the middle of darkness, or like Margret McLeod, knocking bigots down by a peg or two.
"From there on, I bounced from homeless shelter to homeless shelter, trying to survive from day-to-day… it got harder as the years went by, feeling more uncomfortable with what I was wearing… feeling less of myself as the days went by. I could attribute that to signs of Dysphoria… but when you're living on the streets, feeling comfortable in your skin, can feel less important, when you're struggling to find the next meal."
She offered a slight chuckle, "had I not had a run-in with Nathaniel, I wouldn't say I would be dead in some ditch, but I most certainly wouldn't be living the life I am now."
"Wait, you didn't have a run-in with Vastorie?"
"Not yet. Nathaniel… at first, I thought he was gonna sock me in the face when he approached me. When you see a… and I'm exaggerating here, an eight-foot-tall hulking beast stomping towards you… you tend to go into flight or fight mode. For me, it was more fear mode, the kind where to stand still and hope for the best. Then he gave this huge arse bloody smile that would light a pitch-black street. He complimented me for some reason about my dress… my raggedy, barely held together torn dress. At least that's what I thought… he was more complimenting the stitching I did to make it feel less… well… less like trash. It wasn't even good stitching. I can do way better now."
Ashton found herself leaning forward, "He talked to me for a while, me explaining my situation… he had this look of… well, he was disheartened by my story. He apologised, but then thought of someone else that may be able to help me. He brought me to Vastorie…"
Shifting in her seat, the woman found herself reminiscing on the humorous situation. To her, when she first met that man, he was a legitimate example of pure resting bitchface, with a mix of judgemental tone. How he landed with Nathaniel, she'll truly never know "If you thought my opinion of Nathaniel was bad. That guy… had a look of permanent judgment. I'd dare say his taste was so obscure… he'd announce loudly in the middle of a fashion show, everybody looks like trash…"
Daniel burst into laughter, unprepared for the kind of insult that flew out of the older woman's lips. Vastorie did have a very obscure kind of dress code.
"He was intrigued, but also sceptical of the idea… so he offered a deal, of sorts. Lodging, food and as many materials as I would need, and I had to make him a suit. He didn't say what kind of suit, so I asked, he replied with a Victorian style. I had no… bloody idea what he was talking about. But all I thought about was the free food and lodging. I drew what I thought he'd like, gauging, and finalising what on earth he was looking for, without… you know… killing myself over it. I thought it was crap, but he liked it… so it was a win-win in my book."
"Does he still have it?"
"Oh, god no… I wouldn't let him wear that disaster piece if he paid me trillions of dollars to keep it. However, I do have it as a keepsake."
"Can I see it…? More so out of curiosity than to insult the piece."
Ashton raised an eyebrow, arms crossed from the boy's words. He wasn't being completely truthful about that matter "I don't think you're being honest with me about that…" Her expression shifted, eyes focusing now on the boy "Why would you want to see that?"
"I'm…" Daniel sighed, "I guess I'm trying to piece bits and pieces of my father's life, to gauge what kind of person he was in his younger years."
The woman shook her head, "When I met him, he was at least twice my age. I couldn't say what he was in his younger years. But I'll happily show you what I made for him, although, much later."
"That's fine… thank you."
"Now…" The older woman sat more comfortably, "Where was I? Oh, back then when we talked, I was still going by my male name and pronouns. I think as I experimented in life, making clothes I wanted to wear, alongside what I made for your fathers… nothing as extravagant as I could do now; I felt more comfortable dressing as though I was getting ready for a drag show, although, toned down when it came to my face with makeup."
A small smile escaped her lips, reliving the memory that tended to bring the most happiness to her "Nathaniel asked me one day how I preferred to be addressed as… I didn't know. I eventually came up with the name Ashton, Vastorie gave me the identity, Ashton Nieves. He helped me build this…"
Ashton held out her hands, gesturing to the walls in the room "This, well… he gave me a head start. Built a list of contacts, got me hooked up with a fashion designer. I learnt the tricks of the trade from the fine gentleman, before parting ways to start my own business. We still do collabs together… I wouldn't be surprised if you heard his name. Adrián De Verley?"
"Wait…" Killua held out his hands, "The entrepreneur Adrián De Verley? Vastorie can casually walk up to this multi-billionaire, and ask him to take you on as a student…"
Ashton found herself smirking at the idea, "Is that a hint of jealously I'm sensing… or am I looking at a budding fashionista?"
"None of those sorts… I just like to dress well." Killua quickly diverted the topic, "Besides, knowing strange details is a part of my family trade."
"Information brokers…?"
"Sort of…" Killua murmured, stating nothing more about the situation.
Ashton hummed at the deafening silence. The boy was keeping his family trade to himself; whether it was because he was trained to be secretive or he honestly would rather not state it, she wasn't too sure.
One thing was for certain, pushing the boy wouldn't help the situation… it'll have to come out naturally.
She brought her hand up, resting her head in her palm, eyes expressing the same sort of tenderness as her smile "If you won't tell me, I'll have to ask for a favour instead."
"What sort of favour…?" Killua asked, more so out of concern than the fear of the request being more dangerous than revealing his family's trade.
"You have to give a story and pose for a picture… that's all."
Daniel sighed, "I'd advise against that… Killua's family would be… shall I say vindictive?"
"It's safe to say vindictive about the situation. They'll force you to remove it…"
"Okay, now I'm definitely, worried… your family's trade is so secretive, they'll hunt me down if I post a picture of you…"
"What if they couldn't identify it as…" Daniel immediately raised a finger, now pointing it at Killua "you?"
"Like a disguise…?" Killua hummed at the possibility. It'll have to completely hide any distinguishing features of his, namely the blue eyes and white hair. But if the family system doesn't flag it as him, they should be okay… in theory.
"If I cover up the white hair and blue eyes, I don't see why not… but I'm sure they'll be looking for photos of you now too. So, if they flag you, me being in the photo wouldn't help the situation. We can't even say our names either…"
"What about if we use our school alias?"
"I don't see why not… it's just I'm worried you being in the photo will trigger them."
"Homophobic parents…?"
"Not just that… they refer to Alluka as a brother or son."
"Shit parents are going to be shit…" Ashton sighed, "If I disguise the both of you, you'll pose for a story and photoshoot?"
Killua crossed his arms, a single finger tapping his arm impatiently. He wouldn't have minded doing it, posing for a photo. But at the same time, he had to weigh the consequences.
Any information that could link back to him or Alluka could be conceived as a threat to his family's safety. Seeing as they'll take any reason as a chance to send out butlers to bring Alluka and himself back home, was this really, a risk he's willing to take?
Looking over to his partner once more, he was about to voice his concerns. But the moment his eyes met each other's, it was as though in the briefest of seconds, they had already discussed it.
Daniel could understand his point of view without needing to say anything. The link… the connection they shared… it's like they didn't even need to have the conversation anymore.
But the strangest thing about the entire situation… his mind couldn't read Daniel's side of the argument. But what he could gauge was what his partner would say in the situation. He needed to validate some concerns with Ashton, "What kind of story are you hoping to pry from us?"
"Pry… huh?" Ashton leaned back, one leg crossing over the other "Nothing infringing if that's what you think. However, a keen eye tells me… you had some serious training under your belt. You're by no means, a normal Nen practitioner. I'd peg you for either a Nen Genius… a Nen Master… or a Pro Hunter…take your pick?"
"We're both Pro Hunters…"
"Quite young for your age, if I do say so myself… the youngest I've met I'd even dare say."
"So, you want a story about our gruelling participation in the Hunter's Exam?"
"No… I have a feeling you'd want to keep that under wraps. For the sake of the Exam itself and your identity. What I do want from you, however…" She leaned forward, smirking at the idea, "Is your story of strength. Think about it from my perspective… I have two Hunters who are not only young but out and living a dream away from their parents' eyes…"
"We can't agree with the last part…"
"How so?" She tilted her head in confusion.
Killua pointed at Daniel, "Vastorie's eyes are now on him, because of a figure lurking in the shadows… and my family is definitely, keeping an eye on me and what I do…"
"Is that so…" The woman sighed, "Scratch the last part. But what I will replace it with… Is both of you are strong, with scars to back up your claims. Even with your family's ever-watchful eyes, I can tell you've been involved in some history-changing events… The fact is, you standing here, able to take on the crowd's insults without wavering, means you've been in worse situations…"
"And you're getting this information… how?"
"A keen eye. Everyone has scars that make them stronger… yours could be used as a sort of guidance to people who feel like they'll forever be weak."
Daniel held out his hand, "I can't agree with that sentiment… neither of us has had a normal background. Killua's life had been planned out for him since birth. As for myself, name a single child who's been able to push five-hundred kilos since at least ten."
"Not many…" The woman looked at him with judging eyes, "It would've been gruelling training. Even so… even if other children never had a normal life that comes close to yours… it can still be used as such. Strength isn't just the ability to carry weight, that surpasses your own, weight. There are other types of strengths… and I'd say both of you have it."
"Which is…?" Killua interrogated, eyes narrowing at the quick twist in her original assessment.
"The ability to move forward… even when so many weights have been chained to you. I assume you stand proudly with who you've become… I'd dare say that strength can be gathered by anyone, in a situation that is close to their own, position. I'm not expecting everyone to start building the strength to push five-hundred kilos… but they can stand up for themselves for once. For all… the Allukas struggling to find themselves, their identity… the Killuas trying to break out of their family's cycle… the Leos wanting acceptance…"
Daniel pointed to himself "You failed to mention my name…"
Ashton hummed at the boy's request, "I feel like you've found your place… it may be considered wrong or imperfect in the eyes of others…" She held out a finger, pointing it at the air between them, "but it's where you feel like you belong… where you want to be."
Killua blushed at the accusation, even though the words weren't being directed at him. They're were being directed at Daniel having found, his place.
However, he spins the situation in his head, for some reason he knows exactly what his lover would say…
In the arms of the one, he loves the most…
The one he deems as being the kindest in the world…
Daniel turns to his boyfriend, noticing Killua had already come to a similar conclusion. In Killua's eyes, even though the comment was more directed at him, it affected Killua just as much as it did for him.
But there was something he felt Ashton failed to see in her own, acknowledgement "I guess… I found my place…" When he felt the woman's eyes on him, he then added something, "So we should be saying for all the Daniels out there trying to find the one out there… a place we belong."
The woman shook her head, not because Daniel was incorrect, it was that she failed to pick up on that sentiment. The boy was right… sometimes when you come out, the family you once had, become strangers… and the friends you make along the way, become the surrogate family you always wanted.
Leo and Daniel weren't so different in that regard, they were seeking out a place of belonging. But the key difference between them is Daniel still has his family, regardless of if it's considered fractured in his eyes.
Leo however, lost his family… he'll now begin the process of rebuilding a family from friends, from people who love them "You're right… Your story could help those trying to break from the family cycle… those trying to find their identity… the ones seeking acceptance… and those trying to rebuild what they've lost, whether that be new memories, friends or finding that one person they love unconditionally… will you accept the request to tell a story?"
The three looked at each other, all coming to the same conclusion. No matter the risk, if their story could help somebody they'll never meet, it's better off saying it, than to keep it in the dark.
"Yes!"