Having returned to Ashton's business, Killua and Daniel discuss some things that happened.
A\N: There's a short shower scene, nothing full-on explicit… but it's used more as a booster to start the conversion process.
There was so much on the boy's mind about what transpired earlier that day, scenes replaying in his mind, short bursts of conversation repeating incriminating scenarios. Daniel was so unsure of himself, unsure of some of the things he did.
One of them being, why did he admit something was a turn on? Like, how could he say to his partner, that he enjoyed the idea of wearing the jizz filled trunks? Sure, within the moment, the warmth of Killua's spilt seed surrounding him, coating his length…
The way his partner looked at him so hungrily… desperate…
The tone of his voice, the way he requested him to wear the trunks… He couldn't resist, he felt like the idea sounded intriguing, at the time. But more importantly, Killua's expression from seeing him wear them… the way his hand, squeezed, mixing up the cum his partner obtained via the condom he was wearing at the time, along with Killua's jizz… On pen and paper, it pulled him into a trance.
It was after the fact, after the whirlwind of emotions and feelings, something shifted. Wearing them didn't feel like a good idea. It was no longer turning him on… But it was rather, a hard to explain feeling… was it regret? Was it something else?
His hand shifted over his private area, cleaning off the gooey mess they made earlier in the day. Killua's trunks laid on the floor of the shower, soaking under the water, the soap suds they fell on the floor, collecting on the fabric.
It was like those trunks emitted a sense of shame, as he was looking at them. But the longer his gaze locked onto the fabric, the more his mind started to agree with his earlier sentiment…
If Killua asked him to, he'd wear them again… allow his junk to be coated in the gooey mess. But what if next time, he wanted more…? Where did his bounds fall? Was it at spanking? Was there another wall right after that one, as soon as it crumbles, waiting to be uncovered…?
Something to be solved, like an ancient conundrum…
Something waiting for Killua to explore, like an endless hallway full of doorways…
Daniel had been completely lost in his thought, that he hadn't heard the bathroom door open, nor did he notice the shower door sliding open.
The only reason he knew someone was with him, was when a pair of cold hands curled around his stomach, hugging him tightly, it filled him with a sense of warmth. He wishes the only thing he could feel was the warmth of his partner, the beating of his heart against his back…
He wanted more days to be like this, just the two of them… being held like he was the most precious thing to Killua. Daniel twisted himself slightly in his partner's grip, observing the smiling boy holding him hostage "Come to make another mess of me?"
"Me…?" Killua gasped in shock, feinting a bit of surprise. He wondered where it came from? Why did Daniel assume he was here to get a piece of the action and not to share the shower, because his boyfriend had been hogging all the hot water… taking his sweet ass time showering "I would never do that."
He even had the decency to bring them both a change of clothes… to lock the door so they couldn't be interrupted.
As his hands dipped, reaching for the thing Daniel was hogging to himself… his boyfriend shuddered. Killua raised an eyebrow at the response "Someone's sensitive…" He grabbed the bar of soap out of his partner's hand, soaping up his fingertips "You, okay?"
He handed the bar back, Daniel giving a nod as he took it back "I'm fine…" He placed the bar of soap back on the shelf where he originally obtained it from.
"You don't sound fine…"
"It's just… I dunno, I feel like I did and said things out of character."
The boy hummed, hands soaping up his partner's back "Yeah, I understand. I promised we'll have a proper talk after the shower. Naked and trying to speak over the cascading water would be a bit difficult."
"Certainly, I can see your point…" The boy fell silent, savouring the way Killua's fingertips knead his back, hitting tense points like a professional sniper.
"Relax, I'm helping you shower… not trying to chisel the mountainside."
The boy chuckled, "It's hard to relax when you're hitting all my sweet points… the tense, sore spots on my back."
"Well, I'm not here to give you a back massage. Nor am I here for a quickie… if that's what you're thinking."
"Uh, huh…" Daniel stuck his butt out, the cheek encountering his lover's hard member. Even if Killua didn't come here for that reason, a little redirection and his boyfriend could be inside him again, he was still loose from earlier that day.
So, if Killua did ask, he'd say yes. Damn it… Daniel looked down, only to see he had also become hard from the situation. His body was once more betraying him "Are you trying to convince yourself or me?"
Killua pouted. He was caught with a hardon, it was normal for someone his age to have one… it's not his problem his partner guessed correctly "Neither, alright speak to me." His partner sighed with reluctance before turning around, pulling him in for a hug, head hanging over his shoulder.
Killua tensed at the action; it feels like he wasn't the only one with a stiffy. His partner was also hard, and it was prodding his thigh. A moment passed before the boy returned to his previous actions, soaping up his partner's backside "If I wasn't worried before, I'm certainly worried now."
"It's just… about the underwear."
"Uh, huh…"
"It wasn't arousing for me… it was…" The boy trailed off, unsure of the best words to use to describe his thought process.
Killua stopped to look down, to peer at the article of clothing that was causing his partner to become unsure of himself "It made you uncomfortable?"
"It's not that either. Sure, I got hot and bothered…"
"Now you're contradicting yourself…" Killua hummed, hands returning to their task.
"That's the thing. I can't put into words how the situation felt with me… within that moment, the idea was amazing… the feelings were amazing… it was after the fact, there was this sense of… awkwardness?"
"You didn't think to tell me this… because?"
"It didn't affect me, until now… when I was alone in the shower… with the jizz covered underwear."
"Oh, that will explain why it's in the corner of the shower, just not of your emotions on the matter. Let's take a couple of steps back." Killua rubbed his partner's back up and down, hoping it was soothing to his lover "Explain what happened after you got into the bathroom."
"I stripped to my underwear, then I stopped to look down. In one thought, being in your gooey underwear felt attractive to me. On the other hand, once it was cool and sticky, it felt…"
"Disgusting?"
"No… I just wanted them off. I didn't want to be in them anymore."
Killua was mentally drawing an image, like a conspiracy board trying to connect lines between an impossible conclusion… regardless if they made sense. He had an idea, but he needed to ask something else "How did you feel when I deposit the liquid essence I spilled into the rubber, straight into the underwear."
Daniel chuckled, "Nice call back… it wasn't uncomfortable. It wasn't erotic either… weird certainly."
"When I did the same thing with yours?"
"I…" Daniel froze, what did he feel then? He knew the answer "I felt… aroused. So, what? I have a weird kink with my cum, but not yours?"
Killua burst into laughter, bemusement etched into his face, as opposed to his partner's obvious pout "No, nothing like that. It's much simpler than that… you like it when it's in the act, not after it. I think your mind turns off faster than mine, or rather, it switches feelings after. The moment we're done, or at least when your mind thinks we're done… it switches out of the mood and onto either an aftercare phase where you turn into a cuddler who likes kisses, or… you want to get cleaned up. I think because of our scenery, right after pulling me in for a kiss… once those feelings were satiated, you wanted to clean up. Whereas, if we were in a private setting… just us, you wouldn't care as much. You just wanted kisses and cuddles."
"Makes sense…" Daniel pulled back to smile at his partner, "It makes a lot more sense if I think of it in that way."
Killua pointed down, "I think he agrees with me…"
Daniel's gaze looked down, annoyed at his hardon. It was still up, proud of itself for being erect "Oh…" With a blush he turned around, facing the wall "I liked cuddling you, so what?"
Killua pulled his partner back, hands stroking the boy's chest "Oh, I know…" The boy gave his partner's stomach a quick squeeze "I know some of your kinks off by heart, including, what gets you up and excited."
With a smile, he muttered into his boyfriend's back "I like that about you…"
It made Daniel smile, knowing that his partner liked that about him. Unfortunately, he still felt a little hesitant, unsure of himself. He likes doing things when he's with Killua… but can he continue to be like this…?
What if there's a moment, even with their affection and bond… Killua wants to walk away from it all?
"~"
Daniel rubbed his hair with a towel, his boyfriend with his still wet mop of hair, already dressed.
Killua was smiling at him because he understood something better, which also, raises some concerns, but now knowing these things, it will make their conversation much easier "Let's talk about what we did… and some possibilities."
"Okay?"
"Let's go from the easiest… to more difficult questions. I consider this one easy because it's more of a straightforward answer… Voyeurism… Did you by chance get… excited from the prospect of someone watching us?"
Moving across the room, the boy sat on the bed opposite the room to Killua "No…" Daniel stated flatly, frowning from the accusation. There was no getting out of it, he'll need to talk about these things, to try to be open, "I feel like you were the one that got enjoyment from the thought."
"Me?!" Killua gawked in surprise "Why me?"
"Well for one… you whined about me stopping, after, hearing the snap."
"Well…" Killua crossed his arms "I didn't hear the initial snap. I only heard it after you told me to shush… after… you shoved yourself inside me. That's why I thought you enjoyed it, because after making me cum… you kept going."
"I didn't mean to make you climax. The only reason I kept going, is because I wanted you to hit peak release. If anyone could recover quicker, it was you. You'd have been able to get us out of the mess, after your release… not during, after it."
"I would've been able to deal with the situation before too."
"Again, I apologise… because I didn't mean to do that to you."
Killua closed his eyes, he wasn't completely frustrated with the answer, a little relieved to be honest. Daniel went through his actions because he saw them as being more beneficial for him. Opening his eyes, he looked at his partner "First, I'm not angry or upset about this outcome. But I want you to know, the next time it happens… consult me before driving your dick right into my prostate."
"Understood…" Daniel deflated.
Killua sighed once more, "Hey, listen…" He waited for his partner to look at him, "I'll admit it was amazing… that it felt good. It's just… circumstances aside… after going through that situation, I now know it's not something we'd enjoy. We tried it once… we explored the situation together… next time, not only you… but I'd like a private setting."
"I… understand."
"Good…" Killua smiled, wanting to reach out and touch his boyfriend's hair, but he not only knows it was a turn-on for his partner but reaching out right now wasn't possible, "I want to be open about something else. I want to talk about a feeling, no matter how fleeting it is I had… when I mentioned I rather it being raw, I was being honest."
"I know…" Daniel gave his partner a weak smile.
"This isn't about that, it's a precursor to what I want to say…" His partner swallowed thickly, but before he could say anything, to stop him from continuing… he spoke clearly on the matter "I think… I might have a breeding kink. The getting filled part, not making babies. Two guys, no chance… unless we count that card from Greed Island. Anyways, it's not just directed towards myself, but rather you as well…"
"I'd let you do it…"
"I…" Killua blushed, here he was about to talk about his fear, and Daniel was casually admitting he wouldn't care about being pumped raw "can't you wait till after I finish. Because honestly, I am worried."
"Oh…"
"One part of my mind is okay with it, like rip the rubber off and go for bust, kind of okay. Yes, I understand you're okay with it… insert I swallow your loads, so it can be okay in my butt kind response, but the longer this relationship goes on, I get this… I guess weird feeling."
"Weird feeling… how so?"
"That it's wrong… you pumping me full of jizz, that's okay… but as soon as I wonder about doing the same to you, it's not disgusting… it's not wrong… contradictory to what I said seconds ago, the part that feels wrong is something completely different… it's something… hidden."
"You're hiding or I am…?"
"Neither… it feels like it's coming from the bond directly. But it's not a feeling that's coming from you or myself… at least I believe not you, given your earlier statement."
"That's… interesting. We're both at a point it's a possibility, but something is hidden in the bond… makes you scared of going all the way."
"Not scared, but rather hesitant."
"Then… as you said earlier, once we're both ready, we can do it. Maybe our bond hasn't completely solidified. I'm sure there are things still waiting to be learned about each other. There are many more things we need to learn about Vastorie. Maybe something connected to him has latched onto our bond. I'm sure there are some things that we can inherit from our family… you got all your family skills, maybe there's something I have, that we're overlooking."
"I don't think it's anything directly connected to Vastorie… or my parents. But you're right, I'm not that desperate to drop a load or two in you." Well, I am… but not desperate, I rather try it once… than never try it at all.
"You okay…? You looked like you're questioning yourself."
"I did… but it was more my wording than feelings. Let's move on to something else, a little… more on the problematic side, given my feelings on the matter. I want to know the scope of the situation… So, you don't like being spanked…"
"No, not really…"
"I like being spanked…"
"Uh, huh…"
"But you don't like spanking me. Can I ask why?"
Daniel sighed in defeat. This was something he was hesitant to speak about because he, himself, didn't have all the answers. At least viable ones to explain away his feelings "I can't describe why I feel that way…"
"Then just tell me what you feel. You don't have to paint a vivid picture, to describe it in a manner that makes everything clear to us… just tell me some of the things you're feeling."
"Awkward… Uncomfortable… I guess, upset?"
"Being spanked or from the act of having spanked me?"
"From… the act." Daniel fell silent.
"So…" Killua paused to look at his partner, to focus on the uncomfortableness, the way his hands trembled as he manipulated the towel on his head "You got upset at me, for wanting to be spanked?"
"No… No… No… I'm not upset at you…" Daniel stopped, hands no longer moving, grasping the towel tightly in his fingertips "I'm upset at myself for spanking you."
"Even if I like it?"
"Even if you like it…" Daniel proceeded to dry his wet hair.
"Hmm…" Killua thought to himself a little, once more trying to put pieces of a puzzle together. He was missing something, a vital clue to the answer for the reason why he doesn't like it. Then it hit him "Wait… were you ever spanked?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You didn't like it, correct…"
"No… why?"
"Well, I was spanked, among many other things. But that's beside the point… I didn't like it there either."
"So, then why do you like it?"
"Short answer… the stinging sensation. Long answer… I like the feeling, of the mark left behind. It acts as a reminder, that your hand was there… A reminder of your touch."
"Like a ghostly handprint?"
"Kinda…" Killua hummed, "Alright try to think of it this way. You like the feeling of me being in you. But you prefer to top, right?"
"Sure…"
"I like both, but unlike you, when I top… it feels like… I'm breaking a rule."
"Uh, huh…"
"The rule is simple; I'm breaking the one where you rather top me." It was like a lightbulb moment for his partner, "See… you get where I'm coming from. I'm getting enjoyment, out of something your mind sees in a negative light. For you, you'll describe it a little different. So, I ask you… why did you like being on the receiving end, today?"
"I don't like receiving… but when I do, it's how you do it. It's like… you put a spell on me. It's sort of like a mild form of manipulation. The tone you use, the way your hands glide over me, the way…" Daniel stopped, noticing that not only himself, but Killua was now hard from his descriptions.
"Oops…" Daniel giggled. He accidentally caused the two of them to get aroused. Yet, he didn't regret the action… He felt embarrassed, but more importantly, he felt happy knowing he could make Killua feel aroused from the description. If his partner could get some enjoyment out of the conversation, maybe it won't be completely awkward "I guess what I'm trying to get at… the way you treat me, you care about what I'm feeling. Sure, you're trying to get me off… but every step of the way, I unconsciously feel every movement as though it's sensual, rather than pleasurable."
"It's not pleasurable?"
"Well, it's not the right word, but it's the best way to describe my thoughts. I do get pleasure out of it… But what I'm trying to describe, I guess… Is, my mind feels everything, before my body does… is that better?"
"Pleasure the mind, you pleasure the body…" Killua remarked calmly, "It makes sense, considering you get off during the act, whereas every step along the way, I could nut from the sensations."
"Well, I do get pleasure before, not just during the act… it's after the fact-"
"Your mind stops accepting those sensations." Killua gave a nod, "I think I'm getting a better idea of how your feelings toward sexual encounters work for you. To sum it up in the most simplistic of ways… I turn you on, I can keep you turned on. But once you're satiated, so to speak, you can no longer be turned on."
"When you put it that way… I guess so."
"Now to just figure out the trigger…" Killua thought out loud, "it's probably something so minuscule it wouldn't register with my-"
"Your voice…"
"Huh?" Killua looked up, shocked. His voice? No, it had to be something much deeper than that. Daniel in the past has said confidence has turned him- Killua's attention was drawn to his partner, shocked that he hadn't figured it out earlier "I think I figured it out… although, it might be bad news."
"It can't be that ba-"
"You like being controlled, forced… manipulated."
Daniel frowned, "What…?" Under no circumstances, could he say he was forced to do something against his will. Just like when he was being spanked, once he said stop… Killua stopped. He didn't keep going against his will. He didn't try to convince him to allow him to continue.
But… maybe Killua was right in a way. His boyfriend convinced him to keep spanking him, even though he didn't really, want to continue.
"No, hear me out… You have a comfort zone… we all do to be fair."
"Uh, huh…"
"Something I say, or how I say it… triggers a part of your brain like I'm manipulating you." When his partner raised an eyebrow, the boy continued "I'm being serious. Think about it. When I… perfect example." Killua snapped his fingers "When I asked you to suck me off. I used suggestive language, how about you… that can come off as being manipulative, in a manner of speaking."
"But that's more of an open question, not a direct…"
"Imagine Gon saying that to you, in those words."
"Well, I wouldn't go down on him…" The boy paused, "but that makes no sense, it was you who-"
"I'm the one saying it. But, if… let's say… for some reason, my mind gets switched with Gon. I'm now in his body. Would you go down on Gon, or in that case me, in Gon's body…"
"If I knew it, was you… it'll be weird, but sure, I guess…" Daniel threw the towel over to Killua.
The boy started to massage his hair, drying off what little of the water remained "I never fundamentally told you it was me, in Gon's body… but let's say you got down on your knees and polished Gon's knob. It would mean…"
"Well for one, I was weird… and two, I was coerced into-"
"You get it now… don't you?"
"But it still doesn't make sense. I'm attracted to you… I want you! Why would you need to manipulate me into doing things with you? I want to do these things with you. Seeing you happy, getting enjoyment out of my body… my actions… makes me want to keep going. To- To- To-"
"No…" Killua waved his hand out, dismissing that part of the conversation "It's not about the manipulation. You gave away the answer… the reason why you're acting like this. Don't you hear it…?"
"Hear what…?" Daniel hesitated for a moment, looking directly at his partner for confirmation, for the reason why he feels that way.
"You're doing it for me. You're spanking me… for me. You getting down on your knees to polish my knob… for me. And the list goes on… I want these things, and by extension, you want to fulfil those things."
"So, what, when you tell me to spank you… I'll follow the order and regret it afterwards."
"Kind of…" Killua put the towel down, "The regret is coming from you, but every other time you did something for me… you didn't feel regret. Why's this different? Sure, you were a little hesitant with every new introduction to the sexual side of our relationship. But this time, it's different… You did it, you feel regret… but the feeling is still lingering."
"It's because I hurt you…"
"But you didn't… stinging… sure… but it was the pleasurable kind of stinging… not painful."
"I hit you…"
"We spar, and you get hits in… By the way, you were getting better at it. You don't hold back as much these days as you used to do at the start…"
"I'm getting comfortable, knowing my limitations… and by extension, yours. I do hold back… at least, I think I'm holding back. I just know how hard to hit you before it starts to hurt… I guess… that's at my limit of strength."
Killua shook his head, "If that's the case, we'll just have to up your strength training. If you can no longer hit me hard enough to hurt me, even though my broken arm disproves your theory… it could become a problem later. There are others out there far tougher than me."
The boy opted to smile, "So just like you broke my arm, you'll get used to spanking me…"
"It can't be as simplistic as that…" Daniel hesitated at the idea. Killua can't be right about these things. He didn't want there to be a moment in time, where hurting his boyfriend, would be considered normal and okay. He dreads to think of that outcome happening "But I don't want to hurt you… I've hurt you in the past… I've-"
Daniel stilled; Killua's arms wrapped around him "It's not about the pain… or hurting…"
The boy silent sobbed into his boyfriend's chest.
"It's about hitting milestones. You felt bad when I got hurt during sparring, but after you fixed me…" Killua bopped his head, head randomly bouncing along his boyfriend's shoulder, "helped me, with my assistance, you didn't feel bad. You sobbed a little, sure… but the next day after a bit of snuggling… you never brought it up. You look and felt fine…"
"I still feel bad for that…"
"But are you still completely stressed about it?"
"No, not really…"
"Well, then let's make a compromise. Provided it doesn't hurt me, I want you… to keep spanking me."
"And if I hurt you once, we'll completely stop doing it." Killua raised an eyebrow, making Daniel requestion the situation, "Right?"
"No… Like some adults do, we're gonna work it out. Find out why it hurts, so I no longer feel pain."
"What about me… I assume you like spanking me, as much as you like receiving it."
"It's a navigation process… I first, got to find out if and how you like it… If I don't, we could develop a compromise… or… it's just a thing I'll have to do without."
"So, if I never get comfortable with the idea of you spanking me… you'll… just give it up, even if it's something you want to do?"
Killua now smiling at his partner, nods once "There's no point continuing to do something that makes you unhappy, even if it's something I enjoy doing. I could be doing it wrong for you… I could be hitting you too hard, to the point, that it's only registering as painful. All I might need… is a softer touch, and you could be like putty on my fingertips… We won't know these things till we explore them, okay… Daniel?"
"Then… I guess I'll explore this new avenue with you."
"There is one more thing…" Killua leaned back, a thumb wiping away one of the stray tears, "I know you have these weird… arousal patterns, but the more we have these conversations… to explore these ideas of what we like and do not like… I think we can better understand ourselves. There's no shame in getting things wrong… but there's also no shame in making mistakes along the way…"
Daniel's expression broke, an honest smile… yet there were tears. These conversations weren't scary… hitting these boundaries made him fearful of negative outcomes. It's all it was… feelings.
But if Killua was willing to be this open… to be open with their discussion on things they may or may not like, he should too. Daniel didn't sob, he hugged his partner, even with his boyfriend was a fraction smaller, at this moment… he felt like he fit in the palm of his lover's hands. He felt a warmth that could melt him like putty.
But, he never melted… he remained solid, the string of aura that flowed between, palpitating with power.
"~"
On the other side of the wall, someone walked away with a smile. It was a conversation they overheard… one they shouldn't have eavesdropped on. But it turns out, they were wrong with certain assumptions…
Some people belong together…
They belong together…
There was no manipulation, or forcefulness… just questions and boundaries that were being knocked on lightly.
A\N: Starting from now, due to hitting writer's block like a truck, I'll be alternating between Eyes Always Watching and My Alien Partner. I have multiple future chapters, all far away either written or basic notes about what happens during the chapter.
Once I get a wide selection of notes about events that happen in the present storyline, I'll continue with my normal schedule.
So, next week will be an Eyes Always Watching chapter then the week after will be My Alien Partner.