Diplomacy at Gunpoint

Throughout his centuries Chapter Master Coluber had face many fiends, horrors of the void and the warp that would drive men mad. He had confronted nightmares who provoked dread and revulsion, warlords who ate fear and drank tears. He had battled monsters who could shatter sanity with their mere image and conquerors who thrived on hate. But never in all his life had he been confronted by an opponent who provoked such utter boredom.

Coluber lounged in a black iron throne, with his temple resting on his fist. A calculated insult to so august a person as his visitor, but one that was blatantly ignored. He was a glorious figure, clad in burnished amber plate with golden laurels embossed upon it. One pauldron was scorched black, in memorial of terrible losses, but the other bore the serpent and goblet image of the Amber Vipers. At his hip hung the relic blade Venom, a glorious artefact that predated the Chapter and to his flanks stood a pair of Brother-Exemplars, their Burst-lances held in perfect stance. Further left stood Battle-Captain Ferrac, iron faceplate hiding his contempt while his hands were never far from his Axe-rake and Sledgehammer gun. To the right loomed the boxy shape of Maru Kysoto, Librarian-Dreadnought and warrior-poet from a forgotten age.

Together the masters of the Chapter waited, listening to the emissary droning on. Coluber's contempt for him could scarcely be measured. He was a fat man, in rich robes that did nothing to conceal the jowls hanging from his chin. Many expensive rings dug into corpulent fingers and his chains of office seemed to drag him down. His hands were soft and Coluber reckoned he'd never swung a Chainsword in his life, let alone killed with it. The man was a fop, indolent and self-assured and exceedingly boring. Stood between two lines of Amber Vipers he led his party, who were holding a scroll as long as three men. Inch by inch they progressed it so the man could read aloud every word, not missing a single comma. Tyo Buula was his name, Imperial Legate and ambassador of Terra, the mouthpiece of the High Lords themselves, which is why Coluber had agreed to see him.

Buula kept droning on but Coluber's earbead tickled as Ferrac subvocalized into the vox, "Is he ever going to stop talking?"

Coluber's larynx twitched as he sub-vocalised back, "I thought he'd skim the highlights, not read every bloody word on that thing."

Maru Kysoto added, "The man is hopelessly incompetent, but thinks himself a cunning negotiator. He thinks all his successes and high office were earned by merit, not grasping every step was furnished by his family wealth."

"You've been skimming in his mind?" Coluber asked.

"I didn't have to," Maru scoffed, "I've seen his type before, so assured of his status he cannot imagine his slightest whim being denied. I suspect the man has not heard the word, no, in his entire life. This one doesn't believe it's possible to lose."

Buula didn't catch the conversation as he droned on, reciting privileges and rights granted to the High Lords in ancient days. He seemed dead set on asserting his authority, but Coluber wasn't impressed. Bored to death his eyes roamed the room, seeing the fresh decorations laid upon them. This room had been exposed to raw vacuum for thousands of years, lost in the greater dereliction of the Serpens Rex. The Amber Vipers hadn't bothered repairing it until recently, more concerned with getting their mobile fortresses' shields and lances back in working order, but when the legate had arrived they'd hastily restored it. The chamber was long and fitted with marble slabs, hung with banners taken from preserved vaults and with shining hololithics of dead Space Marines, none of whom Coluber had never heard of. All in all it was a picture of a lost age, a shining era of honour and glory his shabby excuses for Space Marines could only dream of, but it had an excellent view.

High above an armourglass dome gave a sweeping vista of the stars, black and silver with only a hint of purple to denote the distant Cicatrix Maledictum. A wondrous view, and yet closer hung a frigate. It was bedecked with gold filigree and statues of saints and Imperial Heroes, its guns slight and shields weak but the vast 'I' stamped on its prow proclaimed it to be an envoy-ship of Terra. As such its moral authority vastly outweighed its meagre tonnage. A problem the Amber Vipers could not ignore.

Coluber suddenly realised Buula had finally stopped talking and was looking at him expectantly. Coluber made a show of stretching his neck to show his boredom then sniffed, "So, in summary the High Lords are pissed."

Buula scowled fiercely as he spat, "Do not make light of this! Your many trespasses deserve severe censure. Destruction of Imperial property, extorting governors and stealing supplies meant for other warzones. Failure to respond to calls for aid and erroneous conduct when in the field of war. Your gene-seed tithe is nonexistent and Mars is incensed by reports of tech-heresies…"

"You don't have to repeat the whole list," Coluber snapped, "Get to the point, what does Terra want?"

Buula drew himself up and declared, "By authority of this proclamation you are ordered to report to the Segmentum headquarters of Kar Duniash and submit yourself to a full review of your facilities, actions and disposition!"

Coluber looked upon the man and replied, "No."

Buula's jaw fell in surprise as he started, "No?!"

"No," repeated Coluber levelly.

"But… but… but you can't say no!" Buula spat as his face began to turn red.

"I just did," Coluber rebuked, "I am a Chapter Master of the Adeptus Astartes, officially recognised as such by the Lord Commander of the Imperium Entire. I command this Chapter, not you, not the High Lords. The rights of the Space Marines were laid down by the Emperor long before your High Lords arose and have been considered sacrosanct for ten millennia."

Buula's face was going purple as he hissed, "So said Huron Blackheart, when he led his Astral Claws into Heresy."

"Don't compare me to him," Coluber dismissed, "The Amber Vipers are hardly unique in straying from orthodoxy. If the council of High Lords started inspecting the conduct of every Chapter you'd never have time to do anything else."

Ferrac snorted, "We don't see you harassing the Marines Malevolent or Carcharodon Astra."

Buula spat, "Those Chapters don't have the ear of…"

He trailed off as he realised his mistake but Coluber grinned at the blunder. Buula was no diplomat, merely a rich fool playing at intrigue, he'd just tipped his hand and revealed his true purpose and it was far from noble. Coluber steepled his fingers before him and mused, "The Imperial Regent, that's why you're here. You think to use us against him."

Ferrac snorted, "What's the matter, the High Lords don't like being told what to do by a resurrected Primarch?!"

Buula actually stomped his foot in petulance and declared, "He usurps our ancient privileges! He reorders the divinely ordered Imperium. He requisitions materials from noble houses on a whim and ignores centuries of precedent among the potentates of Terra. His wanton revision of policy is ruining our economy!"

Ferrac snorted, "He's a grim, humourless bastard, but if he's thrown a hand grenade into your comfortable lives, I applaud."

"He must be stopped," Buula growled.

"Shouldn't have used a hand grenade," Ferrac quipped, "Should have used a Cyclonic torpedo."

Coluber waved his hands dismissively and said, "I care nothing for your petty political games and the Amber Vipers will not get involved in some conspiracy to unseat the Regent."

It was Buula's turn to grin as he said, "Oh but you will. I know you're working for him, I see more than you know. I have collated reports regard your sordid dealings for years, roundly ignored by all, but I saw the sudden shift in your activities. He visits you and then suddenly you start showing up everywhere, interfering with established missions, reinforcing governors who favour him and deposing ones who deny his reforms, diverting supplies to his favoured warzones, kidnapping adepts who mysteriously turn up in the Indomitus Crusades' service."

"I deny these accusations," Coluber stated firmly.

"Deny it all you want, you're guilty and we both know it. You will do as I say or I'll tell the High Lords everything you've done. You'll be finished."

Coluber lifted an eyebrow and remarked, "So… they don't currently know anything. Interesting. I take it you're here on your own initiative, making a power play behind your master's backs."

Buula's jaw set in fury as he snarled, "I have everything I need to bring you down!"

But Coluber sighed, "Perhaps you don't know this bit, but when the Regent visited us he brought a fleet of ships, squads of infiltrators and companies of Terminators. He defeated us utterly, before he ever set foot upon this Starfort, and then made it clear he could and would exterminate the Amber Vipers if we refused to comply. You… you bring me nothing but a bit of parchment and vague threats."

Buula drew himself up and snarled, "I bring the authority of Terra!"

"Perhaps," Coluber sighed, "But you didn't think to bring any witnesses."

With a twitch of his larynx Coluber sent a command to the bridge and an instant later the sky above was split by beams of coherent light. Lance beams shot out from Serpens Rex and intersected upon the frigate. Shields flared opaquely for a moment, then failed, allowing ravaging torrents of las into the hull. Armour parted as compartments were sundered, air and bodies spilling into the void out of gashing wounds. Then the lance beams found the reactors and the frigate became a blazing sphere of exploding gases and vaporised molecules. Leaving no trace it had ever existed.

Buula's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped in shock but his surprise was short-lived as Ferrac drew a sledgehammer gun and put a round into his chest. The man folded up as spine-shattering kinetic force smashed him away, hitting the floor bent into a U shape, with all his innards rearranged. His escorts barely had time to blink before the rest of the Amber Vipers opened fire, gunning them down with precise bursts of bolter fire. The fight was short, bloody and entirely one-sided, leaving all the mortals dead and the Amber Vipers untouched.

"That was enjoyable," Ferrac laughed as the blood drenched floor steamed.

"That was necessary," Maru chided.

"You don't condemn this act?" Coluber asked curiously.

"He was a dishonourable soul, and he sought to drag us into his devious machinations," Maru stated firmly.

Coluber shook his head and said, "I knew Buula was trouble as soon as he showed up, but I needed to be sure he hadn't left any contingencies in case of his death. Thankfully he was so self-assured that he didn't think it was possible to die."

"What kind of moron marches into an Astartes' home and starts making demands?" Ferrac snorted.

"The dead kind," Coluber affirmed.

"And when Terra asks after its missing envoy?" Maru enquired quietly.

"What envoy?" Coluber stated, "I do not remember any emissary coming to our door."

"The Warp is such a treacherous place," Ferrac scoffed, "So many ways for a ship to be lost with all hands."

"Then this dishonourable matter is concluded," Maru affirmed.

"Not quite," Coluber sighed, "Terra is moving to oppose the Imperial Regent and seeks to draw us into their sordid schemes. I think it's time the Amber Vipers became hard to contact, for all our sakes we need to distance ourselves from Terra and its intrigues."