Chapter 8: Vita Ante Acta*
28 August 1997
12 Grimmauld Place
The rest of the day passed without another embarrassing incident. Harry had discussed Hermione's plan with Sirius and Ron, and after dealing with the expected resistance, they were forced to agreed that Sirius should take Hermione's place at the Ministry. Hermione, still on edge after her humiliating morning, finally emerged from her room, having made Remus swear to restrain her if need be.
After a hurried dinner on her part, Hermione steered Remus to the library, making absolutely sure she wasn't touching him in any way. The older werewolf seemed nervous, but he didn't fail to notice that Hermione was even more on edge. He took a seat, making sure not to sit in the armchair that Hermione had grown attached to.
"You look like you're about to burst. What's going on?"
Hermione sighed and dropped into her chair only to jump back up again and start pacing. "I thought I could handle this, Remus. I thought this was going to be like everything else. It would be hard, yes. But I would focus and work harder, and then I would succeed. Like always. But no! I can't do this. And every night, every single night, I fall asleep frustrated at myself for being so focused on my problems when there's a war going on just outside these walls. People are out there dying! And I'm stuck in here being a burden and a distraction!"
"Hermione, you're not a burden." Remus stood but sat back down after Hermione whipped around to glare at him.
"But I am, Remus. All of you are so concerned about me that nobody can see it. We need to be out there tracking down the rest of the horcruxes, and we can't do that if I can't control myself. Something has to change."
"What are you saying?"
Hermione sighed and stopped pacing. She walked to stand in front of Remus and looked down at her hands. She seemed to grow incredibly shy as if a switch had flipped inside of her. Her voice lost the conviction and power it had held moments earlier.
"What I'm saying is that I'm the changeable factor here. And if-if you're willing, I'd like to ask you to—I'd like to ask you to take me away from Grimmauld Place. At least for the next two months."
Remus opened his mouth to speak, but Hermione kept talking.
"You said my heightened senses and emotions wouldn't be so bad after my second full moon. But in the meantime, I need to get in control, and well, Moony helps me. I would go alone, but…" Hermione stopped talking but didn't look up from her hands. She was too afraid to look at Remus.
From her position she saw him stand up and move his hands out to hold her arms. Hermione felt her heart beat faster at Remus' touch, and she tried to stand perfectly still, focusing on not giving into her werewolf instincts giving her mixed signals. Part of her, it seemed, was enraptured by Remus' touch and wanted more, but another part of her wanted to be obedient and wait for his signal. With a deep breath, Hermione focused as hard as she could on the part of her that recognized Remus as her alpha, her center of command.
"Hermione, you don't have to be nervous. I did this to you. I'm forever indebted to you. I will do anything you ask of me. Of course, I'll take you away."
Hermione breathed a sigh of relief and fell into Remus, wrapping her arms around him. Returning the hug, Remus rested his chin on the top of Hermione's head.
"What are you going to tell the boys?"
Hermione pulled back from the hug and wavered at the edge of the coffee table. Remus sat back in his chair.
"Well, that's the other thing. I want to go tomorrow, and I want to tell them just before we leave. I love Harry and Ron, but sometimes they can't see the big picture. They're going to try to stop me, but I can't let them. And if we have everything prepared to leave, they won't be able to fight as much."
"And where were you expecting I take you?"
"I'm not the brightest witch of my age for nothing, Remus." She smiled at him. "I know you have a house out there somewhere. You're very private about your life, but you do slip up sometimes. I'll bet no one but Sirius knows exactly where you live."
Remus looked at Hermione with shining eyes. "You know you're intimidating, right?"
Hermione blinked at Remus. "What?"
"You're really quite incredibly clever, and it's a bit intimidating at times."
"Oh." Hermione fell silent, a smile on her lips.
"Okay. Pack up what you need tonight and we'll leave after breakfast tomorrow." Remus got up and headed out of the room, leaving Hermione behind to wonder just how that conversation had worked out so well.
It didn't take long for Remus to pack up his belongings. As a personal rule, whenever he was somewhere other than his house, he always lived straight out of his suitcase. And it wasn't like he had much clutter anyway. With an ear trained toward Hermione's room to make sure she was busy packing, he walked toward Sirius' room.
After a couple knocks, a freshly showered Sirius answered the door. Remus laughed, seeing the red and gold towel wrapped around his waist. Sirius looked down and chuckled.
"Yeah, found it when I was digging around Reggie's room. No idea how it got there."
"Thought it was gone for good."
"Yeah, so did I." Sirius absentmindedly brought a hand up to his nose, as if to rub away the memory of a bruise. "So anyway, what's up, Moony?"
"It's tomorrow."
"What's tomorrow?"
"It. Is. Tomorrow."
Realization dawned on Sirius' face. "Shit. It's tomorrow? How can you be sure?"
"After dinner, Hermione asked me to take her away for the next two months so she can regain control over herself."
"So…"
"So I'm thinking she doesn't exactly make it to the house—"
"She makes it to Hogwarts—"
"In 1977."
"Shit, it's tomorrow."
"I know." Remus walked past Sirius and sat on his bed, hanging his head and running his fingers through his hair.
"So how exactly does it happen?"
"I don't know," Remus sighed. "Dumbledore could've explained it, but she just—Somehow she gets there. Fate, destiny, karma, something wanted her there."
"The boys are going to lose it."
"No, Sirius, they can't know. They really can't know. You can't tell them."
Sirius nodded, holding his hands up in front of his body in defense. He started to pace the room.
"I need to talk to her."
Remus jumped up. "Are you crazy?"
Sirius stood face to face with Remus. "I'm not going to tell her, relax. I just—I need to talk to her. She needs to know a few things before she goes."
Remus sighed before stepping backwards a step. He was silent for a moment before nodding.
"Fine, you can talk to her. But maybe find a town that doesn't smell like aged whiskey. And you definitely need to put on some clothes first. She doesn't need to see all of that." Remus threw up a hand in gesture to Sirius' half-naked state. Sirius puffed out his chest and flexed his muscles. Remus shook his head and left Sirius' room, mumbling something about peacocking under his breath.
"Hermione?"
Sirius. Once again Hermione's senses supplied the name before she could even think. Hermione's eyes widened as she registered Sirius' scent. Leather. Whiskey. Some kind of berry and something else…
"Give me a second!" Hermione grabbed her nose plug and eye mask and put both on. "Okay, you can come in. And don't laugh."
Sirius edged open the door. He chuckled upon seeing Hermione sitting with perfect posture at the edge of her bed. "I like the new accessories, pup. They really bring out your eyes."
"I told you not to laugh.. I'm doing this for your own good, you know. Well, mine too." Hermione felt herself blush and wished at that moment that Sirius was the one with an eye mask. Sirius, on the other hand, smiled openly at the witch, knowing she couldn't see him.
"Listen, Pup, I talked to Remus," Sirius started. Hermione opened her mouth to interrupt. "Ah, ah, ah, don't interrupt. As I was saying, I talked to Remus. And well, you gotta do what you gotta do, Pup. I understand."
"You do?"
"As long as you come straight back to us when you're done."
"I promise, Sirius. I feel awful about leaving, but it's for the best. And then I'll come back, and I'll be good as new, ready to go."
"That's what I like to hear." The two sat in a weighted silence for a bit. It seemed both had something to say, but neither could verbalize it. Sirius sighed. "Okay, Pup, before you go, I just—I want you to know some things."
"Sirius, you know this isn't like that. It's not goodbye."
"No, no, I know. I—Just let a man have his strange farewell, okay Pup?" His voice softened as Hermione nodded and smiled a bit. "You're a special witch, you know that? You're always taking care of people. Harry and Ron. Remus. Me. I can never thank you enough for saving me, Hermione, for bringing me back to my family. Family's always been a funny thing for me. I've always had to make my own."
Hermione itched to reach for his hand.
"Back at Hogwarts, the Marauders became my family. The moment I left Grimmauld Place for what I thought was forever, I denounced every Black as a family member, with a couple exceptions. The Marauders became my family, and to my family I was blindly loyal. I'm stubborn and unreasonable and annoying when it comes to my family. And it took a while, but you're there. You made the cut, Pup. And I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but I just want—I need you to forgive me for how I treated you before. You-you don't have to say anything. Just think about it, okay."
Hermione grew a bit solemn as Sirius finished talking. She couldn't quite understand why he was telling her this, but her heart swelled a bit at the thought that Sirius cared for her enough to share part of himself with her.
She felt the mattress rise up where Sirius' body had been. Focusing on the sounds in the room, Hermione followed Sirius' movements. She gasped softly as his heartbeat came closer and closer until it settled just in front of her. She stood slowly and shut her eyes as she felt his fingers remove the nose plug and eye mask.
"Open your eyes, Pup. Please." His voice was a little bit pleading. Hermione shook her head. He whispered this time. "Come on, Pup. Just for a second."
So she did. Hermione opened her eyes for a total of three seconds. And for those three seconds, she held onto her control as hard as she could. She could see a fraying rope in her mind, and as each second ticked by, no matter how hard she focused, the rope frayed even more.
But for those three seconds, Sirius stared deep into her eyes. He watched sparks of gold bloom from behind her pupil and spread like pixie dust to the edges of her eyes. He took them in for a moment before letting out the breath he was holding. And then they were shut again.
"Remember, Pup, you promised." Sirius' tone was doing that uniquely Sirius thing. Somehow he managed to sound light and joking while at the same time quite grave and stern. "You promised you would come back when you're done. Don't forget."
"I won't forget, Sirius."
"Good. And Pup, if there's anything you need…"
Sirius put a hand to Hermione's cheek and stroked his thumb over her closed eyelid. And then he turned and left the room. With the click of her door shutting, Hermione's eyes shot open, once more returned to their normal coloring. She sat there in silence at the edge of her bed for a couple more minutes staring at the door after Sirius before finally moving again.
29 August 1997
12 Grimmauld Place
"Hermione, you're staying!"
"I'm sorry, but I'm not."
"You can't leave us. We'll never survive without you!"
"Stop shouting, Ronald. We've already had this conversation twice now. I won't expain why I have to leave again."
"Ron's right, Hermione. We're not going to last a day without you."
"You have to, Harry. Listen, the sooner I'm in control, the sooner I'll be back here. It's simple. It's decided. I'm leaving."
"But Hermione—"
"No!" Hermione shouted rather loudly and the boys instantly quieted. Despite the fact she was wearing that silly little eye mask, Hermione still managed to scare the boys into silence. "We've been arguing over this for twenty minutes already. Now listen to me. I'll be with Remus and I'll be safe. And you boys have Sirius and Grimmauld Place. It's just two months. Now stop being idiots and say goodbye like proper friends."
Her voice broke at the end of her little speech and both of the boys noticed. Suddenly it occurred to each of them that Hermione wasn't running away from them, but in fact doing something for their benefit, once again. Harry and Ron enveloped Hermione in a hug. When they finally pulled back, Remus was at the door waiting. Sirius was apparently taking a lie-in that morning, and Hermione hated to admit that despite their goodbye the night before, she felt disappointed he hadn't come to see her off.
"Be safe. Don't wander off. Don't do anything stupid."
"Same to you."
Hermione threw her arms around the boys again. "I love you both."
"We love you, Hermione."
She stepped back and turned to Remus. He opened the door and led her out to the landing. The front steps were still protected by the wards on Number 12, so the pair remained unseen by anyone who would look in their direction.
"Are you ready, Hermione?"
"I'm ready."
Remus looked down at her. "You can take off the mask. It's just us now. It'll be okay, I promise."
Gingerly, Hermione pulled off the eye mask, tucking it away in the depths of her beaded bag. She held out her hand for him to take so they could side-along apparate.
"Oh, we won't be side-along apparating. I have the address for you."
Hermione felt Remus press a piece of parchment in her hand. "What? But Remus, I've never been there before—"
"Just focus on me and you'll end up where you're supposed to be. It'll be fine, I promise. Come on, you go first." He moved her hand so she could read the parchment. Hermione looked back at him confused, and Remus' steady smile did little to convince her. "I'll be right behind you, Hermione."
Remus nudged her shoulder with enough force to throw her off balance. And before she could steady herself to redo a spin, the familiar pull of instantaneous travel began to tug at her insides. Frantically Hermione shoved thoughts of Remus to the forefront of her mind. Remus drinking tea. Remus reading in the library. Remus teaching her about lycanthropy. Remus' smile. Remus' smell. Remus' bite.
"Hermione, please don't hate me."
For a split second, she thought she misheard Remus, but then she was spinning and landing all at once. When Hermione finally felt solid ground, she searched around her for the piece of parchment Remus had handed her, but it was gone. She raised her eyes to take in her surroundings.
"What the–"
END OF PART I
Chapter Title Translation: *A Life Done Before