Not quite as busy with this batch of family. Still admittedly pretty busy.

"Blackwall"

"Will you ride with me awhile?" I asked the man I had known as Blackwall.

We had only been a week at Adamant, but it had made a significant difference in the weather. I could tell spring was beginning to sweep over the land - as much "spring" as ever came to this desert, anyway. There was less wind by day, the sun much hotter because of it, though the nights were still frigid.

Leliana had counseled me against speaking to Blackwall before we left. "If you wished to cut ties, shaming him in the middle of a fortress raised by the Wardens would be one thing. But if you desire to keep the relationship as intact as possible, speak to him on the road. I will ensure there is no one near enough to overhear the conversation."

"Is something wrong?" the man who wasn't a Warden asked in return.

I still wasn't much of a liar, especially to those who knew me.

"Yes," I admitted, my teeth worrying nervously at my lip as I tried to find words both honest and reassuring. "But I hope we can find a way to resolve it."

He followed me without demanding any more answers.

Once we were surrounded by Leliana's most trusted scouts, however, I found I didn't know how to begin. "I know your name isn't Blackwall and you aren't a Warden" seemed entirely too blunt. "You know," I said, casting about for a tangentially-related subject, "not many Dalish become Wardens. We aren't easy for recruiters to find, moving about the wilderness as we do."

"Well, from what I understand there aren't many of you," he replied. "And the Dalish honored their treaties and helped in the Fifth Blight."

"They did," I agreed. "I hope that, if nothing else, my people have learned the peril of ignoring Blights. But I only brought it up because…because I had never met a Warden before joining the Inquisition. I had never seen a darkspawn. I suppose I should have realized I could see the taint after meeting Corypheus, but he is…singular, and I didn't make the connection."

It took Rainier a moment to understand what I was saying, but then he jerked upright, glancing around desperately. "My lady, I - "

"Is your name Thom Rainier?" I asked.

He deflated, and when he spoke, his voice was full of self-loathing enough to rival even Solas's. "It is, Your Worship. I suppose if you know that much, you know the man and the deeds behind that name."

"I do," I agreed. "The man has ridden beside me into some of the gravest dangers the world has ever faced, and I have trusted him with my life. The deeds are a matter of public record, but…the why behind them is lacking."

"And how do you know I won't lie?" he countered quickly.

"I suppose I don't," I allowed. "But I have faith."

"It - it wasn't supposed to happen the way it did," he said, the words spilling forth nearly as readily as the water from the opened sluices in Crestwood. "We all knew Gaspard was the rightful heir to the throne, that Celene came to it through dirty tricks. The chevaliers said she was weak, a puppet of the council, that under her rule, the empire's borders would become unsafe. Hadn't she already stopped trying to reclaim Ferelden?" He passed a hand over his face. "I, like a fool, listened. And so when a chevalier I knew and trusted approached me to carry out a mission - an assassination - I gathered my men and I went. I needed the money, and I thought I was doing what was right for the empire. I thought - I thought he would be alone. I didn't know…"

"That he was traveling with his family," I finished for him, quietly.

"Not until just before we attacked. By then, it all felt inevitable. My men thought we had orders - I couldn't tell them otherwise. They all needed the money, too." Rainier's voice was strained and he had to pause to compose himself. "This doesn't seem to surprise you," he observed.

"Leliana and I pieced together what we thought was…a more likely account of what might have happened. More likely than the official one, anyway," I told him. "The part we're not sure of is how you knew Warden Blackwall."

"He recruited me for the Wardens," Rainier told me without hesitation. "But…we were set upon by darkspawn, and he was killed, and…I didn't know if the Wardens would blame me or not."

I couldn't see him very clearly, but I leveled a look at him anyway. "They're Wardens. Even if you had killed Blackwall, if you had come volunteering to join, they likely would have accepted you regardless." I gestured back the way we had come. "Wardens have few scruples where duty is concerned."

"I…suppose that's true," Rainier agreed slowly. "At the time, though, I wasn't well acquainted with the Wardens, and I had met suspicion everywhere else I turned." He heaved a sigh. "I am…so sorry for lying to you and to the Inquisition, Your Worship. I will bear no grudge when you turn me in, nor will I fight - "

"Mythal'enaste, back up," I interrupted, holding up a hand to stop him. "Who said anything about turning you in? Why would we? No one knows about this, and Leliana can probably keep it that way."

There was a moment of silence that I interpreted as stunned. "But - but my deception - I deserve - "

"Were you deceiving me when you battled through a horde of red templars to help me bury Haven, not knowing whether you would make it to higher ground in time?" I asked quietly. "Was there something deceptive about building watchtowers in the Hinterlands, or slogging through the Fallow Mire with me to face down a delusional Avvar holding our soldiers hostage? Were you somehow lying when you tried to protect Sera from Widris?" He remained silent, and I sensed he was struggling with the credit I was trying to give him. "My people have a saying: aven dur'dirtha la'var siljosathen ha'misa. It means…" I mentally lined up the translation, "words whisper while actions scream."

"We have a saying like that, too: actions speak louder than words," he told me. "My actions damned me long before I joined the Inquisition."

"And is there no redemption in your Chantry?" I asked, but went on before he could attempt to frame an answer. "You sought redemption within the Grey Wardens, and there's no reason you can't do so again. The Inquisition has charge of the order - no one will ask questions if we request the Rite of Joining for Thom Rainier."

"Thus sweeping my shame beneath the rug," he pointed out stubbornly.

"Black - Thom," I sighed, "you can tell anyone you please about what it was you did if you survive the Joining. You'll be there under your own name, after all."

"That's…true," he allowed. "Though I don't know why you didn't leave me at Adamant if you intended to let me join the Wardens."

I stared at him, wishing I could see his face. "I - I thought you would - I didn't think you would go now," I finally finished as I managed to pull my thoughts together.

The possibility he might leave the Inquisition immediately hadn't crossed my mind even once, and I abruptly found myself on the edge of tears. I had to bend my head so he wouldn't see them pooling in my eyes. It was an overreaction - of course the Joining was dangerous, but so was everything we did.

Losing Hawke had proved that.

I swallowed.

"Your Worship - my lady - " His voice was gentle and full of regret. "How could I stay with the Inquisition now? I don't think I have it within me to keep pretending, and my true name would cause you nothing but problems."

"Do you really think I care about that?" I asked. "Leliana and Josephine can find a way to handle it."

"It would cost resources you shouldn't have to spend - not on me," he maintained.

He was probably right - not because he was singularly unsuitable for spending resources on, but because strict practicality no doubt dictated that few within my organization were suitable. I didn't really care. I wasn't having nightmares again - at least not many - but it was likely because everyone in my inner circle came back to camp - or wherever we were sleeping - at night, and so I knew they were safe while I slept. It was giving out missions that might get one of them killed during the day that weighed on me. I spent time talking it over with Cole whenever I had the chance, but he could only comfort me so much.

What we were doing was dangerous. Hawke had died. Anyone could be next. I just…had to live with the possibility and go on anyway.

"If you want to stay in the Western Approach and join the Wardens, I won't stop you," I told Rainier. "I'll have word sent to Adamant - Wardens can meet you at Griffon Wing for the Joining. But after - if you live - I wish you would come back to the Inquisition, at least for a while," I added, my voice wistful. "Would you consider it if Leliana could find a way to turn your presence to our advantage, politically speaking?"

The request caught him off guard. "I…suppose," he answered slowly, "though I can't imagine how you think you would do that."

"There's…something Leliana said," I half explained, not repeating her words. The idea was only just beginning to take shape, and I didn't know if it was a good one or not. I would need to reflect, and probably talk it over with her.

"Either way, the others will have to be told," he reminded me.

"My advisors and inner circle, anyway," I agreed. "Do you want to be there to tell them yourself, or would you rather I do it after we leave for Skyhold? It would be easy enough to say I'm leaving you behind on a mission."

He was silent for a long moment, considering the question - or at least I thought so until he exhaled a shaky breath. His voice was tight as he spoke: "It's too great a kindness, my lady - far more than I deserve after lying to you - "

"Stop, ma falon," I commanded, though I tried to make it a gentle one. "Sathan - allow me to be the arbiter of what you deserve from me. If you don't want to accept the kindness, a simple 'I will tell them myself' will suffice."

"I will tell them myself," he said heavily.

I would have recommended waiting until we reached Griffon Wing Keep, but Thom insisted on telling everyone that night. In a large military camp like the ones we were staying in, multiple fires were the norm and so my inner circle tended to keep its own, though Bull and Varric in particular often circulated among the troops in the evenings, sharing drinks and stories, and playing cards. I found time to ask both of them to remain close tonight.

Once we were all gathered together, I chose a seat beside Thom at the fire as an indication of my support - and he just as quickly rose and stepped forward, tacitly rejecting my effort. I couldn't see everyone, of course, but other conversations went silent as he caught the group's attention. In addition to my usual adventuring companions, Leliana and Cullen were there. I had asked Leliana to tell Cullen beforehand, but I hadn't encountered him after she had presumably done so, and he was seated too far away for me to read his face now.

"I have something to tell all of you," Thom said, his voice nervous. "I am not the man you think you know." The silence, which had been curious but sympathetic, abruptly felt tense. He hurried on before anyone could react. "Warden Blackwall recruited me for the Wardens five years ago, but when he sent me to hunt down a darkspawn for its blood, we encountered nearly a score of the creatures and he was killed in the fighting. I…feared to approach the Wardens after that, though the Inquisitor has made plain just how foolish my fear was. I thought they might believe I had killed Blackwall, never pausing to consider that they don't have so many volunteers they would turn one away, regardless. But Blackwall was a good man, and he didn't deserve to die as he did - so I took his name and tried to continue his mission, doing whatever good I was capable of in his name."

"And what, pray, is your proper name?" Vivienne asked coolly from somewhere across the fire.

"Thom Rainier."

There was a sharply indrawn breath - Cassandra's, I thought - alongside Vivienne's ugly laughter. "Of course it is," she sneered.

"You… lied?" Cassandra demanded. "Everything - everything - you told us was a lie ?"

"Cassandra," I said in a sharp rebuke. "Whatever he said , his actions weren't a lie. He has placed his life on the line for you - for all of us - more times than I can count. He was selfish and followed bad orders, and then he did exactly what I told the Wardens they must do - if a little more literally than I meant. He tried to do the good in the world that the real Blackwall would have done."

Solas made a scoffing sound, and I felt his resentment gathering into words.

"Solas," I interrupted before they could emerge, "do me the favor of thinking before you speak." As though he had room to chastise anyone for lying.

I couldn't hold his gaze, but I felt his shock of recognition, then a brief flash of anger, and the embarrassment that subsequently followed.

"Thom is going to join the Wardens," I told the rest of the group briskly. "He might have stayed behind at Adamant, but I had hoped he would remain with the Inquisition through the end of this conflict. He believes his duty lies elsewhere, however, and so he will remain at Griffon Wing to take the Joining when the rest of us return to Skyhold. If he survives...well, we will consider matters further then."

"Darling, you can't have an acknowledged murderer in the Inquisition," Vivienne sighed. "At least the thug is wise enough to know that ."

"Yes, because there's such a great difference between state-sanctioned killing and all other types," I sighed. "The line is even more blurred when the killing was ordered by someone of much higher rank as a duty to the nation. You can't really think Rainier just took it into his head to kill a particular nobleman and his family."

"Of course not, my dear," Vivienne retorted. "But you have no proof. Thom Rainier was played by the Game - that alone is enough to damn him."

"I don't have proof," I agreed, "but I do have an Inquisition with a world-class spymaster. Who is to say I cannot get proof?"

She was silent for a moment. "I hardly think a single reasonably-skilled thug is worth it," she said at last, "but...if the evidence happened to implicate Gaspard as well? I must allow, that would be something."

"If the chevalier in question is any player of the Game himself, he will have kept whatever correspondence he might have received from Gaspard," Leliana put in for the first time. "Of course...if Gaspard were any player of the Game, he would not have sent it. But…"

"True," Vivienne allowed. "Gaspard is every bit as thuggish as the men he sends to do his work."

"The thought is a good one ahead of the peace talks in Halamshiral, Inquisitor," Leliana told me. "I will begin looking into the matter immediately."

"In the meantime, I cannot dictate how you feel about Rainier," I told the rest of them, "but I expect you to treat him with basic civility."

"Wow, Beardy, you bring your mummy to sort out all your problems?" Sera giggled from one side of the group.

"Sera," I warned her, hearing the laugh Dorian tried to disguise as a cough and Bull's muttered, "Now that would be a hell of a breeding program."

"What? Don't give a rat's flaming arse what he did - rich tits killing rich tits, not like it matters to me," Sera replied, ignoring them, though I thought I detected a smirk in her voice. "But you're like a friggin'...mabari, or something. It's funny, is all."

"Maker preserve me." Thom's words were muffled, as though they emerged through his hand.

"I think you mean, 'Inquisi-bits preserve me,'" Sera snickered.

"Oh yes, Inquisi-bits preserve us," Dorian agreed in his most reverent - and mocking - tone. "Inquisi-bits preserve us all."

Cassandra's exasperated sigh echoed my own.

Mythal'enaste: "Mythal bless" or "Mythal's grace"

Ma falon: My friend

Sathan: Please