Chapter 43 – Fallout

DISCLAIMER: We do not own Star Wars or any of the characters in it, though we wish we did. xD

Author's Note: Things will continue to get worse before they get better, but as for how many times that will happen? Your guess is as good as mine. :') All I know is that we're maybe/hopefully about half done with this fic. xD

~ Amina Gila

Obi-Wan had known something was wrong long before Anakin's ship returned from Tatooine. The currents of the Force are anxious, uneasy, and that in and of itself sets him on edge. He felt the brief flare of darkness through his bond with Anakin, but it was, admittedly, nothing… too unusual. It's been happening more and more as of late, or maybe it's just that Obi-Wan is beginning more sensitive to changes in Anakin's Force presence.

But when Anakin's starfighter touches down, he knows with certainty that something is horribly wrong. The presence is no longer a mix of light and dark, swirling intermittently. It feels… cold, like someone is pouring ice over him. It's colder, darker than anything Obi-Wan has ever felt before, even from Anakin. In the past, Anakin's presence has become like a black hole in the Force when he draws on the Dark Side deeply, but never like this; it's never been so chilling. It was always a tumult, a storm, a burning inferno. It was never cold.

He knows what he'll see even before Anakin leaps from Rogue onto the landing pad. It's with resignation that Obi-Wan takes in Anakin's yellow eyes, eyes which are cold, emotionless, empty. It's as if someone sucked all the life from him, and it scares him.

Beside him, Ahsoka sucks in a sharp inhale, and Anakin looks at her, pausing. For a moment, everything feels like it's frozen, as if everything is about to irreparably change, though Obi-Wan does not know whether it will be for better or worse.

"Anakin, what happened?" he asks finally, giving voice to the question that is eating at him, at both of them. He is desperate for answers, the memory of a few nights ago – them snuggling together in Obi-Wan's bed, as he and Ahsoka tried to give Anakin the comfort and stability which he needed. It seemed to be working, so what happened?

Anakin's eyes flicker towards him, but he doesn't visibly react to the question or the faint pleading, worried undertone. "I… made a mistake. A costly one," he replies vaguely.

"What do you mean by that?" Ahsoka queries, visibly fearful.

A prickle runs down Obi-Wan's spine as those yellow eyes sweep back to the Togruta. He isn't scared of Anakin, not exactly, but he has never seen him like this before. The Jedi would say that now, he is too far gone. Obi-Wan will not accept that. He refuses to accept that. He will find answers, and he will remain a patient, supportive presence for Anakin.

"I went to Tatooine," Anakin tells them. "I found Cliegg's dead body in the Tusken Raiders' camp. I killed them, all of them. Men, women, children, it didn't matter." His hesitation is almost imperceptible before he continues. "I cannot undo that. I can't… find my way back."

"You can do anything," Obi-Wan counters softly. He moves forward, walking until he's a few paces from Anakin before reaching out to touch his shoulder. "I have faith in you, Anakin. It is not too late for you unless you choose not to come back." As he says it, he can almost feel the way the truth of it echoes in the Force. It isn't too late. It is not too late for Anakin. (It is a truth which he will cling to desperately in the long, long weeks and months that are to come.)

Anakin bows his head, anguish and defeat flashing across his face. "No," he says, shaking his head. "It's not… I can't. I don't know how. I don't…" His voice trails off, and he shudders.

Intuitively, Obi-Wan understands what's happening. It's not that Anakin can't come back – because the Dark Side is a choice; it is always a choice – as much as it is that he is subconsciously stopping himself from doing so. They have to deal with Anakin's guilt – and self-hatred – before he'll be able to take the steps necessary to return. It won't be easy, Obi-Wan knows, because every battle, every mission will be pushing him further and further away from them. That scares him, terrifies him like nothing else ever could, and for the first time, the chilling realization sinks in that – that he could lose Anakin.

Losing Anakin has never been something he's thought about before, because he has always been more worried about Ahsoka, about Shmi, about himself even. Anakin is clearly Sidious' favorite, and Obi-Wan knows that Sidious would never actually kill him. But… loss comes in many shapes and forms, and Obi-Wan knows with a surety that if he is unable to help Anakin find balance and return to the Light, he will lose him. Yes, to be sure, the traits that make Anakin who he is, the compassion, the caring, the loyalty, those will remain, but they will be twisted and warped by the Dark Side.

I can't do this, Obi-Wan thinks desperately, frantically, for the first time realizing exactly how much Anakin has come to mean to him. I can't live with myself if I lose you to the Dark Side and Sidious like that. Anakin is, he is his everything. They have known each other for mere months, and Obi-Wan already knows that he would lay down his life – and soul – without a second thought if it meant he could protect Anakin.

"You can," Obi-Wan repeats with conviction. "You can come back. I will help you." Please, Anakin, listen to me. Don't go down a path I cannot follow. In another universe, perhaps things would never have come this far. In another universe, perhaps Obi-Wan would have been able to spare Anakin from Sidious' manipulations. But that is not his current reality, and he has to live with that.

"I don't think you can," Anakin whispers, voice shaking. "I don't think anyone can any longer."

And that, that is what scares Obi-Wan even more, because if Anakin gives up, then there is no hope left. If Anakin refuses to fight, then Obi-Wan cannot fight the battle for him. Ahsoka makes a quiet, wounded sound next to him, and Obi-Wan realizes that she, too, understands the gravity of the situation. Everything is coming undone. Everything. All he can do is trust in the Force and hope and pray that they will all be alright. He can't lose Anakin. He can't. And maybe, he thinks bitterly, that will be his own undoing.

Obi-Wan says nothing to that, unsure what he can even say to counter Anakin's words, so instead, he reaches out, pulling Anakin against him and holding him tightly. All he wants is for this young man to be alright, to stop hurting, to be able to take a moment and breath, but that is not to be. Not yet. For now, the most he can do it offer comfort, and hope that it will be enough, hope that he is not failing to do something which would have helped.

Ahsoka presses closer to them, wrapping her arms around Anakin as well, and Obi-Wan hears her sniffing, a sure sign that she's crying. Her fear is flooding their bond; she's terrified too, terrified that she will lose her master, her older brother. Even if it killed him, Obi-Wan would willingly take all of their pain away if he only could.

"I love you," he promises fervently, pressing a kiss to Anakin's head. "I always will. Never doubt that, Anakin, please."

Anakin says nothing, pulling both of them closer to him, clinging to them, obviously craving this moment as much as they do. But even so, his Force signature remains dark.

**w**

Obi-Wan doesn't know how long he and Ahsoka stood there, holding Anakin, but finally, they parted ways. Anakin had gone to report to Dooku and had returned an hour later to tell Obi-Wan that Dooku wished to speak with him. And here he is, walking with Dooku in the gardens of Serenno, gardens which are both extensive and beautiful. Even without the Force, he thinks he'd be able to sense the Count's conflict. Dooku's expression is troubled, deeply so, and Obi-Wan knows why.

Anakin. Somehow, it all seems to come back to him.

"I failed to protect him." Dooku's voice is quiet, tone bleak, and for a moment, his grief and pain flares from behind his shields before it's buried again. "I thought I could keep him safe from Sidious, but I didn't."

"You did your best," Obi-Wan replies, though he knows it isn't much consolation, not when it feels like the entire world is crumbling all around them. How did this happen? Did he do something wrong? Should he have done something differently? What? "If not for you, he would have given in years ago."

Dooku sighs, hands clasped behind his back as he walks, slowly and aimlessly, Obi-Wan at his side. Both of them, he knows, feel guilt for what has befallen Anakin. Both of them are desperately seeking ways to help him find his way back. "Perhaps," he concedes, "But I saw the warning signs that he was growing too dark. I ignored them. I thought he could control himself. I never thought – I never thought that something like this would happen."

"I could say the same," Obi-Wan admits, grief a constant, unrelenting dagger in his chest. Anakin is alive, and he hasn't lost him, so why does it feel like he did? "I – I didn't think he would slip this far. I thought he would say something before the situation got so serious."

Dooku shakes his head slightly. "He has suffered far more than either of us can imagine. Asking for help is not in his nature."

And oh, Obi-Wan knows that now. He realized that a few days ago when he spoke to Anakin about his self-loathing. At that point, it seems like an eternity ago, Anakin had feared losing himself. Maybe he realized it long before anyone else. Maybe he knew what was happening, but he simply did nothing to stop it, since he could do nothing.

"I don't want to lose myself entirely the way Sidious wants me to."

Remembering that confession makes Obi-Wan's heart twist painfully, because everything Anakin feared happening is now becoming a reality. "He had a vision," he remembers suddenly, "About his mother, about the Jedi arresting her, about her dying."

Dooku stills. "He told me nothing about it." His eyes scan the nearby plants – though Obi-Wan imagines he isn't really seeing them – before he turns to him. "I think he may trust you more than me in many ways," he admits. "I had to train him as a Sith. Pain was sometimes a necessary part of that, though I did my best to spare him. You, however, he does not associate you with pain of any kind. And I fear he might blame me for his situation."

The topic of Dooku is not one he and Anakin have really addressed at length or at all, so he doesn't know. He doesn't know if Dooku's fears are even remotely close to reality. "What will we do now?" he asks instead because that is his primary concern.

The Count's expression tightens. "You and Tano are, I feel, the only ones who can help him anymore. With him being so lost in the Dark Side… attachments become a major problem. He fears for his mother and his fiancée. Tano gives him stability, someone to look after, and it helps; I have seen it. You… you are the master he could have – should have – had. Perhaps he does see me as a father figure, but the same may be true of you as well."

Obi-Wan jerks. "You can't be serious!" he exclaims, surprised. "Anakin isn't – he isn't like my son. I never raised him. You did."

"That is true," Dooku allows, "But there are still… similarities. I am only speculating on what I have observed this far. He looks up to you, admires you, and I think you know that."

That is yet another subject which he and Anakin haven't really addressed. They haven't really talked about how they feel towards one another – aside from earlier; Obi-Wan had to say it, had to make sure that Anakin knew – because their friendship is still too new. They need more time, time which, he doubts, they're going to get.

"Yes," he acknowledges, "I know."

"All you can do is your best," Dooku says solemnly. "It's all any of us can do."

And hope it will be enough, the Sith doesn't add, but Obi-Wan can definitely hear the undertone. And hope it will be enough indeed. What more can they do?

**w**

Asajj would to be both blind and deaf to have not heard what's happened to Anakin. Even if she's only just arrived back on Serenno, the solemn mood – and glaringly dark Force signature – would have told her enough. Anakin has always taken the worst of Sidious' manipulations, and perhaps her natural, inborn aggression has kept her from growing that dark. She knows the line between Light and Dark, even if it's not one she cares to keep in mind. She isn't being subjected to the constant oversight of the Sith Master.

Rex is the one who told her, in a hushed, worried voice, about how Anakin came back Dark, about how he's almost unrecognizable now. The clone was scared, scared of Anakin. Asajj can understand why, because for a non-Force-sensitive, the Force is a strange, mystical thing that doesn't make sense. They rely on what they can see with their five senses, instead of the Force. Rex knows intuitively, of course, that Anakin would never hurt him, but at the same time, the cold, emotionless mask on Anakin's face is very unsettling, to say the least.

"Darkness got to your head, huh?" Asajj comments, almost smirking. It's disturbing her too, but Anakin is still the same person. It's not as if he's… that different, so immersed in the Dark Side. That is something she doesn't think Obi-Wan or Ahsoka will be able to truly understand unless they try it themselves.

Anakin huffs out a breath that isn't a laugh, yellow eyes flashing. "You don't know the half of it," he mutters, sighing. "This – this isn't gonna change, even if I want it to."

"Well, do you?" she poses.

"Maybe," he admits, "If I don't find a way back, Sidious will win. I don't want that."

"Okay, then fight it. Turn back from the Dark Side if only to spite him," she suggests.

"But how?" He sounds so… lost, so helpless, so hopeless.

Asajj shrugs. "I'm the wrong person to ask. I don't know anything about the Light Side. The Darkness has served me well, and I am in need of nothing."

"How do you not lose yourself to it?" he questions.

She pauses at the question, pondering it. "I don't delve in unless I need to. I don't – I've stopped caring much about the lives of anyone except myself and my friends. No one bothered with me when I needed help, so I don't see a reason to bother with them either."

He smiles. Bitterly. "If only I could have that kind of cold attitude," he murmurs. "I have always been too caring."

"No," she denies instantly, glaring at him. "You sell yourself short, Anakin. Your heart is your greatest strength. That's why I like you so much." She pats his arm quickly before stepping back. "Perhaps you should go find Obi-Wan. This seems more like the kind of thing he could help with. If he doesn't listen to you – actually listen to you, come get me. I'll pin him down and gag him for you, okay?"

Anakin gapes at her for moment before he bursts out laughing. For a moment, the yellow in his eyes dims, flickering back towards blue, but the moment is gone as quickly as it came. "I will do that," he promises, turning and walking away.

She watches him go before prowling into the garden, feeling a mixture of triumph and frustration. She hates seeing Anakin like that, hates seeing him so torn up. How she wishes for the days before the war, when days would pass with only each other for company. They were best of friends back then, inseparable, merged together in the Dark Side in a way that no one else could understand. But now… everything has changed, and she has to admit that she doesn't much like these changes. She does like, of course, seeing Anakin more settled and balanced the way he was in the beginning, but the more time passes, the more everything seems to be coming undone. If only there was something she could do about it.

Her thoughts are interrupted when she senses another life form in the garden with her – she almost never comes here except in times like now when she needs the soothing peacefulness it can provide. Looking up, Asajj spies a familiar Togruta crouched in one of the branches of a tree. She's about to make a snippy remark about Ahsoka's choice of seating when she realizes that the girl is crying.

Okay. This is – this is not something she wants to deal with, but she doesn't really… want to walk away and leave her to her misery all alone. It is not a pleasant experience. After a brief hesitation, Asajj flips up into the tree as well, positioning herself on a branch not far from Ahsoka. The former Jedi doesn't even twitch which means that she's probably trying to ignore her, hoping she'll go away.

"Is this about Anakin?" she queries, trying to keep herself from acting too hostile or closed-off.

Ahsoka nods, choking on a sob. "I hate this," she whispers, wrapping her arms around herself. "I hate that we can't seem to find a way to pull him back. I hate that he thinks he can't come back."

He said that? Well, Asajj wouldn't be too surprised, she supposes. He said something similar to her as well. She doesn't know what to say, so she remains silent, letting Ahsoka keep talking.

"I want him to – to be okay, to be happy, and I don't…" Her voice trails off, more tears spilling down her cheeks.

"I talked to him briefly," Asajj admits. "I told him to go talk to Obi-Wan. I don't know if it will help, but I can hope. He doesn't want to stay like that, but he doesn't know how to not."

"That doesn't make sense. He's never had a problem before," Ahsoka points out bleakly.

"True enough," she admits grudgingly, "But there is a war now. He might only need a few days to rebalance." She doesn't add that every day that goes by with him in this state means that the chances of a slow return to "normal" will decline. She is not a Sith, not the way Dooku, Anakin, and Sidious are, and nor does she have a deep grasp of the Dark Side. But what she does know is that the Dark Side is unforgiving. If Anakin has lost his ability to control it, it could begin to control him, and the prospect of that is… terrifying is not a strong enough word.

A sudden thought occurs to her, and she jolts upright. "I have an idea," she announces, "Though I don't know if it would work. I could ask Dooku if I could go to Dathomir, to the Nightsisters. They might be able to help us. If nothing else, I could learn more about the Dark Side to see if there's another way for us to help Anakin."

Ahsoka finally turns to her, a sparkle of life in her blue eyes. "Do you really think it will work?"

"I don't know, but it's something at least," Asajj answers determinedly, "And I'm not going to do nothing while Anakin is struggling."

In her mind, she can already see herself returning to her home, her family, and she wonders if this is the Force's way of guiding her in the right direction. Hopefully, this won't be another mistake.

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