Chapter 49 – Unravelling

Author's Note: Just to clarify, everything is not exactly happening in chronological order. What I mean to say is that chapter 47 began before chapter 48 timing-wise, but it ends after chapter 48 happens. This chapter also happens before. :)

~ Amina Gila

Sidious considered the mission a success, so much so that he allowed all three of them – surprisingly – to take a week off and go to Naboo. Anakin is excited, because he's missed his mother so much, and this will be the last thing they need to do before they disappear. Everything is ready. Once they arrive on Naboo, Obi-Wan will use his knowledge of Force healing to locate the slave chip, and he'll then remove it. It will be dangerous and risky, of course, but the alternative is waiting for the indefinite future.

Anakin refuses to do that. Once his mother is freed, all five of them will leave Naboo and rendezvous with Death Squadron – which will include the clones – and they'll be able to disappear together. In a galaxy this big, it will be relatively easy to hide away from the prying eyes of the Republic and Separatists, both.

He's buzzing with a hidden excitement, his relief at the nearness of freedom making the Light Side actually reachable for the first time in a while. That alone is enough to calm him, the Force offering a gentle current of comfort as they travel through hyperspace. They haven't actually talked about the aftermath of the mission, but Anakin knows that they're all pleased about it. Well, for the most part. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both killed Jedi there for the first time, and he knows both are struggling to cope with the guilt, Obi-Wan especially.

He'll have to deal with that, but first, he can talk to Ahsoka. She's right here, next to him, in the co-pilot's seat, while Obi-Wan is allegedly meditating in one of the cabins. Anakin doesn't believe it – not when he can feel the raging emotions in the former Jedi. "How are you holding up?" Anakin asks quietly.

Ahsoka shrugs, expression oddly blank as she tilts her head back and stares up at nothing in particular. "I'm not sure," she admits. "I regret it, of course. I… wish I didn't do it, but I know, intellectually, that it had to be done. It's… different than it is with the clones because the Jedi are… were where I grew up. I was one of them. It's not easy to fight and kill them like that."

For a moment, Anakin wishes he could relate to that. He has no idea what it would be like. He's always seen the Jedi has enemies, and before that, as untouchable saviors who were no more than a concept to him. He's never known them as people, and he regrets that. He regrets that his judgement is so impaired, having been raised a Sith. "I – this is war, Ahsoka. I don't like sending you into situations like that, but… if we aren't willing to do what it takes to win, we risk losing everything we're trying to protect."

"I'll be okay," she assures him, reaching out and squeezing his hand. "I just need a little time to come to terms with what I did. It had to be done, and I know that if I hadn't, they would have killed me. It was… almost like self-defense?"

Anakin nods slowly. "You're not wrong about that. If you want some time to yourself, I think I'll go check on Obi-Wan."

"Please do," Ahsoka replies. "I think he needs someone to talk to."

He absolutely agrees.

**w**

Obi-Wan is meditating; well, he's trying to meditate, that is. He hasn't struggled this much with meditating in a long time. No matter how hard he tries, he can't get the images out of his head. He can't get rid of the feeling of Shaak Ti's death. It's stupid, because even Ahsoka isn't being affected this way, and she killed both of the other Jedi Masters who had been present. But for some reason, killing a Jedi Council member has shaken Obi-Wan to his core. He's struggling to find balance, to find a way to ignore the Dark which is calling to him.

Now, he finally understands exactly why Anakin gave in to the Dark Side the way he did after he killed the tribe of Tusken Raiders. Even if he refuses to do so, he is sorely tempted if it would make the guilt stop for just a moment. He's slipping, but he won't let go. He won't, because Anakin doesn't want him to. Anakin told him how much it means to him that Obi-Wan remain Light, and so, he'll do his best to hold on.

It's – it was war. He was fighting for his life, and he's lucky that he was even able to defeat Shaak Ti like that. But it still hurts to know that he ended her life. She didn't deserve that. None of the Jedi did. They're not evil; they're simply misguided. They do their best, even if they can't always do what they need to do. Obi-Wan doesn't protest to fighting against the Jedi in this war, because for one, Sidious has ordered it, and for two, he knows that complying and having some free will in his actions is better than doing nothing and sitting on the sidelines.

"Obi-Wan?"

He opens his eyes, giving up on the pretense of meditation, looking up at Anakin who is standing in the doorway. After hesitating, Anakin steps inside, letting the door close behind him and sitting in front of Obi-Wan. "I'm fine," Obi-Wan says automatically.

One side of Anakin's mouth curls up into a mirthless smile. "Well clearly," he deadpans, "Because it is entirely normal for you to struggle with meditation." He shakes his head, expression becoming sober. "I know you're not alright. I wasn't alright when I killed my first Jedi. I had been told, by that point, for years that they were not good, but I still didn't entirely believe it. That came later."

"Or perhaps," Obi-Wan blurts out without thinking. "You made yourself believe that because it was… easier for you."

To his credit, Anakin doesn't immediately deny it. Instead, he looks down at his hands, staring at them for a moment. "Perhaps," he agrees grudgingly, meeting Obi-Wan's eyes. "I may not… consider them to be a major evil, but I cannot deny that they are still a problem. They have failed the galaxy."

"They don't deserve to die for that failure though," Obi-Wan counters with a little more heat than he would like. He's stressed and ashamed, and he's taking it out on Anakin. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't seem to stop himself.

Anakin opens his mouth, closing it again. He appears contemplative. "Die? No. But they need to change or be destroyed." He sighs. "But we're off topic now. Somehow, I feel that was intentional. I know you're having a hard time. I can feel it. Obi-Wan, you've helped me in the past more times than I can count. Let me help you, too."

Obi-Wan can feel the younger man's sincerity in his every word, and he doesn't know how to respond to it. Anakin is sincere. He does want to help Obi-Wan, but Obi-Wan isn't sure how to let him, or if Anakin is even capable. This is something he thinks he needs to face on his own. He recognizes that his actions were necessary, since he was fighting for his life, even if it wasn't self-defense, but he still killed a Jedi.

"Do you remember when… we were imprisoned together?" Anakin queries hesitantly. "Do you remember what I told Ahsoka after what Sidious made her do?"

Yes, he remembers. Not the exact words perhaps, but he remembers the general idea of it. Anakin had told Ahsoka that she needed to learn to accept it, to accept her actions. She needed to forgive herself for what she did. It's not really a whole lot different than what he was telling Anakin after he started losing control. "Yes," he answers at last. "Yes, I – I know." But how is he supposed to forgive himself when he doesn't think he deserves it?

"You're not alone in this. I've dealt with this before, and so has Ahsoka. You can talk to either of us at any time." He sounds hopeful and painfully unsure of himself at once.

"It was wrong," Obi-Wan says finally, giving voice to what he's felt from the beginning. "It was wrong. I shouldn't have done it." Somehow, it's as if acknowledging the wrongness of his actions makes it easier for him to accept them. "I chose to do it… because I wanted to… help you." The more he speaks, the more he's able to sort out his tumultuous thoughts, and they begin to quiet. "And," he adds quietly, "I would do it again. For you, Anakin."

That is wrong, too, but he can't bring himself to regret it. None of them will be whole when this is all over. It's impossible. They've been through too much. But once they're free from Sidious' shadow, they can learn to heal, and they'll do that together. Whether for better or worse, their lives are now irrevocably entwined.

Obi-Wan slowly inhales, breathing out and feeling his conflict dissipate. It's still there, and his actions will always haunt him, but he'll be okay. He won't lose himself to the Dark Side the way he feared. He cannot afford to. If he does, Anakin and Ahsoka will go down with him, and there will be no redemption for any of them. He is the one holding everyone up. If he falters, for even a moment, it will be over.

Anakin moves closer, radiating a soft concern into the Force which is mingled with affection. "I'll do anything for you, too," he whispers. "I'll do anything for anyone in my family."

Obi-Wan smiles at him, somewhat sadly. "I wish you wouldn't," he says. "I wish you wouldn't have to, but… I know you will." There's nothing he can do about it, not now. "Come here." Anakin scoots over next to him, and Obi-Wan wraps an arm around his shoulders. It's almost over. They're almost free. So, why doesn't it feel like it?

**w**

Anakin can barely contain his excitement as they land on Naboo. The planet seems more beautiful to him, somehow, than it has in the past. Maybe because this time, he knows he'll be free. Obi-Wan assured him that it wouldn't take long for them to locate and remove the slave chip. By the end of the day, hopefully, they can all escape from here and meet up with Death Squadron at the prearranged location.

His mother is waiting for them on the landing platform, along with Boba, and Anakin goes to her immediately, hugging her tightly. "We can get the chip out," he whispers to her, so quietly that no cameras or spy devices will pick it up. She doesn't visibly react – of course not; she knows how to school her expression and keep her true feelings hidden – but he knows she heard and understands the significance.

While Obi-Wan and Ahsoka greet his mother, he turns to Boba. "How are you doing, vod?"

"I'm… okay. Better," he amends, glancing sideways for a moment. "Shmi – Mom is helping."

"Mom?" Anakin echoes, an almost knowing smile on his face. "I guess we really are brothers then." He isn't really surprised. He knows how generous and caring his mother is. She's the best mother in the galaxy, and of course, she would adopt Boba as her own, especially given that he's an orphan.

"I guess so," Boba agrees, a hesitant, half-hearted smile on his face. He is doing better though. Anakin can sense it.

"Boba," their mother interrupts, "Show our guests around the mansion, will you? I would like to speak to Anakin for a little bit."

"Sure," he replies, turning to Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. "C'mon!"

The three of them walk away, leaving Anakin alone with his mother for what feels like the first time in years. "Walk with me," she says, and together, they walk towards the gardens, just as Anakin had expected. He has no idea what she could possibly want to speak to him about – maybe about her slave chip?

"What is it, Mom?" he asks when he can't take the silence anymore.

"Dooku talked to me," she replies, stopping and turning to look at him. A breeze rustles through the trees, fresh, clean air washing over them both. "He told me about your visit, and he also told me that you are… struggling."

Anakin winces. He had hoped, perhaps foolishly, that his mother wouldn't find out about it. He didn't want to worry her, and more than that, he didn't want to burden her. "I… maybe," he concedes. "The war is hard on everyone."

"He said," she continues, "That you're getting darker."

For some reason, those words make him feel guilty, even though he already has accepted his actions. Perhaps he's been trying to justify his actions a little too much. Perhaps Obi-Wan is still able to see clearly in a way which he himself is not. "I – I don't know," he answers, shaking his head. "Maybe somewhat. I'm only doing what is necessary."

"Are you?" his mother queries, "Or are you doing what you think you need to?" She steps forwards, taking Anakin's hands. "I'm not afraid of death, Ani, and nor should you be. I'm not afraid to die if it means that you'll be free. I was willing to let you go so you could become a Jedi, and even if that didn't work out, I would still be willing to let you go if it meant you'd be safe. I don't want this life for you. I never have."

This is – this is more than she's ever said on the subject for a long, long time. She never talks about it, and it makes him feel deeply ashamed of himself. He's known, intellectually, that his mother wouldn't be pleased with his actions, even if she understands why he's doing what he is. But hearing, from her, that she's displeased is worse, somehow.

"It's almost over," he insists, desperately. "You'll be free, Mom, and then, we can all leave together. You'll be fine. We'll all be fine."

"For now," she agrees readily, "But you know as well as I do that Sidious will not stop coming after you. He will hunt you to the ends of the galaxy if he must. We can run, but we can't run forever. Is that really what you want? Do you really want to be running from him nonstop? Constantly fearing for our lives? We might be alright now, but there's no guarantee it will last forever. You're only one person. You can't protect everyone. You can't keep us all safe."

"I – I – no. Don't say that," Anakin insists desperately. He pulls away from her, pacing a few feet away before turning back, expression tormented. "Everyone will be fine. I swear it." He isn't ready to face Sidious yet. None of them are. They're not strong enough. Theoretically, they could go after Sidious as soon as his mother is free, but they have no plans for the future. To do what must be done to repair the galaxy, they need a plan.

His mother sighs, and for a moment, she looks weary. She looks old. "Ani, you cannot stop death. No one can. Death is a natural part of life. Force knows how hard everything has been, and I now see that I should have done something differently. I might have died, true, but you would have been safe. That is all that has ever mattered to me. I failed to protect you. You are my son. It was my responsibility to protect you as best I could." She pauses for a moment, before continuing, "You have to be prepared for the possibility that Sidious will claim some lives of those close to you before he is destroyed."

Anakin can't quite hide his flinch at her words. That, he supposes, is a large part of the reason why he's so afraid to go after Sidious. He can't kill him alone, but he wishes he could. If he could, then he wouldn't have to worry about losing anyone in his family to Sidious. "I – I can't," he whispers, agony obvious. "I can't." He can't lose anyone. He doesn't think he could bear it.

"Destroying Sidious is the right thing to do," his mother replies kindly. "Not out of revenge or because he hurt you and people close to you. It's the right thing to do, because destroying him will prevent him from hurting others." She meets his gaze, reaching out and cupping his cheek. He leans into the touch with a wounded sound, and for a moment, there's a flicker of sadness on her face. "On Tatooine, we always did everything we could, no matter the cost to ourselves, if we could help others who needed it. You remember that, don't you?"

He does. He remembers, once, given his ration to a child younger than himself who had nothing and who was slowly starving to death, while his mother helped the child's older sibling. It happened many times. He was never a stranger to being without food as a slave on Tatooine. That, he supposes, is one thing which has changed. Slowly, hesitantly, Anakin nods, unsure what exactly his mother is trying to tell him.

"We can never go back to the past," she explains, "But we can still remember. I think that's what you need to do. Sidious has changed you, made you… darker and more selfish. You can still be selfless if you want to be. Everything is a choice, Ani. You can still choose to help people if that is what you want. You can also choose to ignore the suffering of others in favor of protecting your family, and no one would fault you for that, because there are many who would choose the relative guarantee of safety for their families. I cannot tell you what to do. The choice is yours. But," she adds, "You know that the only way to protect anyone is to stop Sidious."

He knows that too. He's known that from the beginning. But he doesn't know how to let go. Because of his fear of what Sidious might do to his mother, and later, to Padme, he began to, in turn, fear losing them. He rarely saw his mother when he was younger, his only guarantee of her safety being if he did what Sidious told him too. And Anakin understands what his mother is telling him, but he doesn't know how to actually accept it and live by it.

As always, his mother seems to understand that intuitively. "It isn't going to be easy to change your pattern of thinking, but I know you can do it. You can learn to live without living in constant fear. And if you lose someone, you will learn to accept and move past that too. I have faith in you, that you can do it. I love you, Ani."

"I love you too, Mom," he murmurs, mind whirling. This is something he'll have to think about, but preferably not until they're all away from here. Soon, very soon, he'll be free.

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