Chapter 51 – Confessions

Author's Note: In which Obi-Wan and Siri talk. :)

Just giving y'all a heads up that this is the last chapter I have written, and I'm sure that the next chapter will be done in two weeks, but there's a chance it might not be, since my brain and attention has been consumed by an Obi-Wan series fix-it fic. Lol.

~ Amina Gila

Obi-Wan doesn't allow himself to look in the mirror in the small 'fresher until he's cleaned himself – and his clothing – off as best he can. It gives him something methodical to do, something to keep his mind off the horrible reality. A part of him still can't quite accept it: that Shmi is dead. If it's this hard for him, how hard will it be for Anakin?

That, of everything, is what scares him most.

He has seen death before. He is no stranger to it, having been a Jedi, and he thinks that what is shaking him up so badly is that he knew Shmi personally, and she was literally blown up right beside him while he could do nothing to stop it, because of the bomb inside her body. He was going to help her, and they were all supposed to flee from Sidious. Those plans have been destroyed now, and the future is far from certain.

Most of all, Obi-Wan is worried about Anakin. He fears how the younger man will be affected by this, knowing how scared he is of losing people. Now, he's lost Shmi and Boba both. Even if they didn't see Boba's body, Obi-Wan very much doubts that anyone could survive something like that. It's not impossible, but it's not very likely.

He takes a few deep breaths, trying to establish a shaky calm before he exits the 'fresher, entering the cabin where Anakin and Ahsoka are. They're both in restraints, and they're unconscious, each resting on a separate bunk. Two clones are guarding the door on the outside, and Siri is inside, sitting on a chair and watching them. He's not surprised. Even sedated, they could pose a big threat whenever they awaken.

"They were drugged," Siri tells him, probably guessing his thoughts from the way he's looking at the two. "They should be unconscious until we reach Coruscant. Now, I believe you have some things to tell me?"

Obi-Wan lets out a slow breath, pulling the Force in close in a bid to quell the ache deep in his chest. He moves across the cabin, sitting on the edge of Anakin's bed. It doesn't matter to him that the young man is unconscious. It still feels like he's offering him comfort. Almost instinctively, Obi-Wan reaches out brushing a hair back from Anakin's forehead, sending soothing feelings to him through the Force. Even like this, Anakin's expression seems troubled, and Obi-Wan wants to be able to make him feel better. He would like nothing more than to take away Anakin's pain, though he knows it's impossible.

When he looks up, he notices that Siri is watching them equal parts wary and curious. "You love him, don't you." It's not a question.

"Of course," Obi-Wan answers. He couldn't deny his feelings, even if he knows they're not the Jedi way. He might not have raised Anakin, but he certainly wishes he had, and the two of them are surprisingly close despite the short period of time they've been together. Sometimes, it feels like they've always been together, and Obi-Wan knows deep inside of himself that the Force brought them together. The Force willed them to be together, and that's why it's happened.

Siri hums, but doesn't say anything, so Obi-Wan clears his throat, turning his attention on her. "Ask me what you want to know," he says. It'll be easier that way to answer and to tell her everything. He doesn't even know where he could begin, given all the things that have happened since he was captured by the Sith.

"Let's start with what you were doing on Naboo," Siri suggests, settling back. "You promised me answers, so I'm expecting to get them."

Obi-Wan huffs out a breath that's more bitter than anything else. "We came to visit Shmi," he answers, and even now, an hour or so later, it's so hard to say her name. She was alive such a short time ago, and she was supposed to be free so they could leave together. Now, it's all fallen down, and he still can't understand how. "It was… a reward, I suppose, for our success."

"Okay…" she says, drawing out the syllables, brow furrowing. "What happened to her."

He bites back the deadpan response of 'she blew up,' because it's not funny or something to joke about, and nor does he have any reason to be intentionally difficult. Although, aggravating her might make him feel better – even if he would later feel some guilt over taking out his stress and grief on a once-close friend. Way back when they were Padawans, he and Siri had been… close. Jedi are not allowed to have romantic attachments, which is why they were unable to maintain a relationship, even if it was something they both wanted. They had tried to move on, and they had both claimed they did, but Obi-Wan sometimes thinks he's lied to himself about that. He doesn't think he let go of Siri any more than he let go of Satine.

He has always struggled with attachments.

"She… was a slave. On Tatooine. Like Anakin was," he replies. "She had a slave chip in her body. It detonated before it could be removed."

Siri narrows her eyes, and he can almost see the gears turning in her head. "The Chancellor?"

He inhales slowly. "You must swear to me that you will not reveal anything I tell you unless you talk to me about it first," he demands. "There is far more at stake here than you realize, and I will not risk Anakin's soul." He would rather die than watch the young man he's come to know and love as his own son and brother both, Fall past the point of no return.

"That was not part of the deal," she argues, visibly unhappy.

"It is now," he returns evenly.

Siri is quiet for a moment, obviously wrestling with herself. "Fine," she grits out, "But this had better be worth it then, and I expect you to tell me everything. You can't leave anything out."

"I don't intend to," Obi-Wan says dryly, shaking his head. Then, he pushes away all of his emotions, so he can try to look at this from an objective viewpoint. It won't be easy to talk about, as is, and it will be even harder if he gets emotional. "You asked about Palpatine," he states, redirecting Siri's focus to the subject at hand. "He is Sidious."

She blinks, gaping at him in a stunned silence. "You can't be serious," she blurts out almost immediately. "That…" Her expression falls, something grave and understanding in her eyes. "It makes so much sense actually. So much sense. He's orchestrating everything. I – I suppose the only reason we didn't suspect him is because he is the Chancellor, and because I think we all assumed we would have sensed him if he was, in fact, a Sith. You are certain?"

"Absolutely," he confirms.

"Did he kill Shmi, then?" she wants to know. "And why now?"

Obi-Wan shrugs. "I suspect that he found out you were coming to Naboo. It's not likely he knew what we were up to."

"Which was…?"

"We were going to free her, remove the chip," he elaborates. "Then, we were going to run. Anakin only stayed with him because he couldn't leave without killing his mother. He refused to do that. Now…" His heart clenches with grief, and he looks down at Anakin, lightly brushing a hand across Anakin's forehead. "I don't know what he'll do or how he'll react."

"I'm sorry." Siri's voice is quiet. "I had no idea that this would happen. We needed answers. I – I've been investigating the mysterious Vader who trained the 501st Legion," she continues, and Obi-Wan does his best not to react outwardly. "Ferus found out by chance, and the Council was… disturbed about the sway which this Vader has over those clones. It's Anakin, isn't it?"

You promised the truth, Obi-Wan reminds himself, so he forces himself to nod. "His Sith name is Darth Vader. He had long been prepared to fight on the side of the Republic. I suspect that Sidious wanted to accustom the populace to the idea that Sith aren't always evil or dangerous. When he slipped up on Geonosis after Jango was killed –" Oh Force, Boba is probably dead, too, and that will affect Anakin deeply as well; the boy was like a brother to him. "– I think Sidious changed his plans. I no longer think he intends to have the Republic win the war. I think he intends to crush it into submission."

"But all of you – and Dooku, too, right? – are planning to betray him," Siri points out. "You can't expect me to believe that he hasn't already suspected that."

"I… in truth, I have no idea what he's planning," Obi-Wan admits. "He gives us all missions to do, and we're left scrambling and guessing about what his intentions are. It often takes us a while to even begin understanding what he might be planning. He is far ahead of us, and all we can do is try to… get ahead of him. I think, hopefully, that we've succeeded." Being captured is a setback, and as long as Sidious doesn't discover what they've done with the inhibitor chips, they'll be alright. They have to be. Obi-Wan won't let it be any other way.

"What are you planning to do to take him down?"

Obi-Wan hesitates, because, in truth, he had given more thought to trying to escape from Sidious than he had to how to defeat him. Maybe that was a mistake. "I'm not sure," he admits finally, knowing how stupid it probably sounds. "My main priority has always been getting Anakin away from Sidious, so we would have more room to operate. I – I suppose I hoped we could enlist the help of the Jedi, so maybe we're on the right path."

"Maybe," Siri agrees, not giving anything away.

Right now, it's so obvious that there is a gap between them. It's obvious that while she is still a Jedi, he… is not. He has been gone for a while, working with the Sith, and he's no longer welcome the way he once was. It hurts a little, perhaps, but he's willing to let it go. His path, his destiny is with Anakin, not the Jedi.

Obi-Wan knows how to play this game, and he promised to tell her everything, but she hasn't asked about everything. He knows the Jedi will likely view him as a threat, and if he's not careful, the Council could take action against Anakin and Ahsoka. He will not let that happen. He cannot let that happen. It might be best if they know everything, but at the same time, he doesn't trust them. He doesn't trust how they would handle the situation. He had always assumed that Dooku would do something politically to destroy Sidious, but they may even have lost that leverage too, depending on how Sidious chooses to act next. He will, eventually, learn that the three of them are at the Temple, and there's no way of predicting how he'll act.

"We need to figure something out," Obi-Wan offers finally. "This –" he gestures at their surroundings, "– happened too quickly and unexpectedly for me to plan." He thinks about Shmi again and pushes back the ensuing swell of grief and anger. There will be time for it later. But still, he can't help but think, somewhat bitterly, that had the Jedi not started investigating, none of this would have happened. Obviously, he can't be upset at them for doing so. It was the logical course of action, and it was only reasonable to uncover the Sith. But still, he's upset that any of it had to happen at all.

"What do you have in mind?" Siri questions. She's keeping herself open, but Obi-Wan knows her well enough to know that she's being extremely guarded. She doesn't trust him, and he has to concede that she probably shouldn't, either.

"First of all, you should know that the clones all have inhibitor chips in their heads," he informs her. "If activated, they can be made to do anything. As of now, we have not yet figured out a way to remotely shut down the chips, though there must be a way. We simply have not found it."

Siri's expression shifts slightly, becoming pinched with worry and surprise. "It really is a slave army then," she notes, somewhat dully.

Obi-Wan meets her eyes. "Yes. Sidious intends to use the clones against the Jedi. If he gives out an order, they will kill them all."

"How… convenient," she states dryly, using sarcasm to hide her obvious unease. "Can we remove them surgically?"

"You can, but it will take time for them to heal and be ready for battle. Besides," he adds, warningly, "If he gets wind of such a thing, he will destroy you immediately. Of that, I have no doubt. He'll find a way to spin it to his advantage, I'm sure."

"Undoubtedly," she huffs, relaxing a little more. "I – thank you for telling me this, Obi-Wan. I really think we should go to the Council with everything. You can tell them everything you know, and together, we can figure something out."

She isn't asking him anymore; she's telling him what she intends to do without outright saying so. Her sense of duty will make her entrust the Council with everything, he knows. And to think that he might have once been the same… "Very well," he agrees reluctantly, "But no one outside the Council should know any of this, and certainly not the clones. We cannot trust them right now when they might turn on us at any moment." Belatedly, he realizes that he said 'we' as if he is still a Jedi. He still feels like one, at least he uses the Force like one, but in other ways, in more important ways, even, he's not. Not really. Not anymore.

"I…" she hesitates. "I think I should at least let Commander Cody know of the situation. He can arrange to have the clones de-chipped as surreptitiously as possible. Of course, now that you've prevented the further creation of clones, that only puts the Republic at a disadvantage. The clones are our only line of defense against Sidious."

Obi-Wan feels himself instantly coiling to defend them, though he forces himself not to. Aggravating Siri will gain him nothing. "You won't listen to me, no matter what I tell you," he says finally, feeling almost defeated. The Jedi don't trust him, and they have a good reason not to trust him, but still, it will only make it that much harder to defeat Sidious. "I don't blame you, but I wish you could accept that we have a common goal."

"Do we?" she asks shrewdly, "Or will Dooku simply cease control once Sidious is gone? As a Jedi, it is my mandate to destroy all the Sith."

Obi-Wan tenses instinctively, narrowing his eyes. "You won't touch Anakin," he warns lowly.

She raises an eyebrow. "I have no intention of doing so. The Jedi Council, however, is another story. We all know how dangerous he is. He has caused so much damage to the Republic. If not for Palpatine's intervention, the kill-on-sight order would never have been rescinded."

Suddenly, as clear as day, Obi-Wan realizes exactly how compromised he is. Because in this moment, hearing exactly how dire Anakin's situation is, he realizes that he would be willing to fight his way through the Jedi to protect him. He would be willing to even go to Sidious to beg for help if he had to. He would be willing to embrace the Dark Side, the one thing that Anakin has practically asked him not to do.

Siri watches him calculatingly for a moment before she keeps speaking. "Where is Windu being held? If we can rescue him, his aid against Sidious will be invaluable."

"If Sidious knows I'm telling you everything, it will only doom you," he replies evenly.

"Where is he?" she repeats.

"Rattatak," he answers slowly, "But you'll never get to him. It's too well-fortified, and the Separatist presence is too prevalent."

"The Council will be the judge of that," Siri replies, shaking her head. "Not you."

"What I don't know is how Sidious even knew you were coming to arrest Shmi," Obi-Wan points out, the gears turning in his head. If the Sith Master has someone inside the Jedi Order itself, he would very much like to know.

"I…" She frowns. "I think Ferus went to talk to Palpatine, but I doubt he would have said anything. We all had agreed that it would be best for him to not know anything of our investigations. You don't think…"

"That Sidious is influencing him somehow?" Obi-Wan finishes grimly. "It's quite likely. He excels at mind games."

"No," Siri denies firmly, "Ferus would never do something like that."

"Perhaps you should ask him," he suggests, because he's loath to admit it, but it is actually quite possible that Sidious has somehow gained an influence over Ferus. It makes sense that he would want to have control over someone inside the Jedi, someone who could feel him inside information. It remains to be seen if Ferus is actually aware of what's going on or not. Regardless, in Obi-Wan's opinion, everyone who spends excessive time with Sidious in a one-on-one setting is suspect right now. Not that he'd ever tell Siri so.

"I will," she states flatly. "Now, unless you have something else of extreme importance to add, I should probably go update the Jedi Council on the recent developments, so they are prepared. I trust you will not try to escape?"

Obi-Wan gives her an incredulous look. "Escape? Me? Without a lightsaber and with two unconscious, drugged individuals? Are you serious?"

She smiles at him, thinly. "Perfect. Then we are in agreement." With those words, she rises from her chair and exits the cabin. The door locks behind her, leaving Obi-Wan alone with Anakin and Ahsoka. For some reason, he gets the feeling this may be the last time they'll be alone together in a long time.

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