Chapter 61 – Too Late

Author's Note: Obi-Wan and Ahsoka have to wrestle with the knowledge that Anakin is... gone, and then, they have decisions to make. :')

~ Amina Gila

Obi-Wan realized, seconds too late, the mistake he made by letting Anakin out of his sight. He should have known better, especially given how the younger man had embraced the Dark Side, the way his emotions are all over the place, the way he was lashing out at the Jedi in the Temple and fighting them. Anakin had been strangely quiet and closed off, but even though his body language had been so obviously feigned, Obi-Wan had not thought that Anakin would send them to freedom on their own.

And he knows what that means. It terrifies him. How could Anakin have possibly thought it would be a good idea to go after Sidious on his own? Or even to pretend to join him, whichever of the two it is.

He wishes that Anakin had consulted with him first, spoken with him about his rash idea before going through with it. He wants nothing more than to go back after Anakin and drag him, take him home. Anakin should not have to deal with Sidious on his own. Ever. That is – Obi-Wan ought to be there with him, to watch over him if nothing else; he does not know if he can rightfully say that protecting Anakin is his job, but oh, how he wishes it was. He would accept it gladly. Too bad Anakin is making that so very difficult.

Despite himself, he feels a flicker of fondness at that, which only momentarily stifles the fear that is griping him. He reaches out with the Force, towards his bond with Anakin, trying to sense him, trying to call for him, even as the Star Destroyer hurdles through hyperspace, putting lightyears between them.

Obi-Wan does not want to leave Anakin. He does not want to leave him, and he's angry that he was never even given the choice.

"What's wrong?" Siri demands, something almost knowing in her eyes.

For all that he doesn't want to tell her, he doesn't really have a choice. She deserves to know. "I believe that Anakin has gone and done something very rash," he admits.

Her expression hardens. "He left," she states. "He went back to Sidious."

It sounds wrong when she puts it like that, and he instantly bristles in Anakin's defense. "Anakin is loyal," he argues. "He would never willingly return to Sidious' side." Or so he can hope. He hasn't seen Anakin in days. He has no idea where his head is at, much less why he did what he did. But he has to trust, has to hope that Anakin knows what he's doing, that he'll actually come back to him, to all of them.

Ahsoka is quiet, not saying anything, even when he looks at her. "It has been… hard," she finally murmurs, when Siri, too, turns towards her, waiting to see if she has any input or explanations. "Cells like that brought up bad memories for both of us."

Her words abruptly remind Obi-Wan of how he first truly met Anakin without his masks, of how they began to bond. It has not been that long, but it feels as though it's been years.

"If I may," one of the clones, a captain, interjects, "Lord Vader asked me to pass along a message. He said to tell you that he's sorry."

Sorry? What does that mean? Does it mean, Force forbid, that Anakin ran off to try and take on Sidious alone? Would he really do that? When he's so terrified of the Sith Master?

Obi-Wan would love to say 'no,' but in truth, he has no idea. Anakin just lost his mother. He will not be terribly inclined to being rational. Anakin is… complicated. He has always been a very complicated individual which is not surprising given his background and past, and everything which he has endured over the years. But still, even so, Obi-Wan thinks that he has been learning how to gauge Anakin's reactions, how to predict his actions.

"It was foolish," Siri snips, "To leave him back there to his own devices. I should have known better, especially after what he just did at the Temple, to the Jedi."

"They were going to kill him," Obi-Wan replies weakly. "They were – you know they would have killed him. He – he literally ripped himself free from the cell. You and I both know that. No matter how impossible it should have been, he still did it."

She pauses, seeming to think, before her eyes narrow. "That doesn't change that he killed a lot of Jedi back there. He had the chance to stand down peacefully, and he chose violence."

I would have done the same for him, Obi-Wan wants to say but doesn't. "He was trying to protect Ahsoka," he says instead, gesturing to the young Togruta, who looks stricken. "Can you fault him for that? One of the Jedi, a Fallen Jedi taking orders from Sidious, went down there to kill her. Can you truly blame him for distrusting the motives of everyone else?"

"He killed," Siri answers shortly. "I cannot excuse that. He chose that. Needlessly."

"He was trained for it," Obi-Wan deadpans.

"That doesn't make it better," she snaps, her voice rising. "He killed Eeth Koth, Obi-Wan. He killed a Council member back there. Someone I knew. It was needless. Senseless. And he enjoyed it."

Obi-Wan feels his anger rise at the insinuation that he doesn't care about the Jedi who died. "Every death is a tragedy, Siri," he answers, levelly, voice shaking with suppressed annoyance, "And I am well aware that it was not right. I have been working with him on it. He's been getting better." He pointedly does not think about the Tuskens which Anakin told him about. "But what you are failing to see, or accept, is that, when cornered, he lashed out and fell back on his training like anyone would do. He was taught the art of violence and death from childhood. It is all that he knows."

"And here I thought that you chose to stay with him to help him."

Never before has Obi-Wan felt the urge to hit another Jedi. His hand twitches at his side, but he doesn't give into the desire to slap her. He is a Jedi. He is better than such things. This is – Anakin is more important. He doesn't have the time to indulge in his admittedly not small need for a fight. So instead, he inhales slowly, letting out a breath to take the edge off his anger before responding to his longtime friend.

"This isn't even about Anakin is it?" he realizes all at once. "This is about your own misdirected guilt. It's easier to blame him than it is to blame yourself for aiding him."

"I did not –" she begins, furiously.

Obi-Wan glares her into silence. "You did," he replies, voice pure ice. "You did, Siri. You fought by his side, just as I and Ahsoka did. We knew the cost it would be. We already accepted that we would be aiding in whatever actions he took, albeit indirectly. You have never faced a guilt of this nature before. Do me a favor and don't take it out on Anakin, not when he needs my help. I have neither the time nor patience to deal with you, not unless you actually want to talk."

Her face is pale, pinched, but she doesn't deny it. It's possible that she didn't even realize it herself until Obi-Wan pointed it out. For a moment, he feels a flicker of guilt at being so harsh with her, but he pushes it aside quickly. He can't indulge in those emotions right now. He – Anakin. Anakin needs him, and he needs to figure out what he can do to help him.

If Sidious really sent Krell to kill Ahsoka, Anakin undoubtedly saw it as a personal attack, and he will likely go after the Sith Master himself. And – and –

He's not strong enough. Not to face Sidious.

Rarely, has Obi-Wan felt as terrified, as desperate, as despairing as he does now. Anakin will not succeed, but he's far too valuable for Sidious to want to kill him. He'll capture him, won't he? And – Obi-Wan cannot allow himself to think about what will happen to him then. He has never faced the possibility of losing Anakin as starkly as he is now, and he doesn't know how to face it, how to cope with it.

It – he – he can't.

He can't go through that. He has hardly known Anakin any time at all and helping him is about so much more than a promise he made a decade ago to his master. It's about Anakin. Anakin, who is good and still caries light within him despite how he should be bitter and dark. Anakin, who has somehow come to mean so much to him over the past few months. It doesn't even seem possible, that his bond with Anakin could already be so strong. It's – it's unnatural.

It's not just because of Anakin's strength in the Force, because Ahsoka isn't being affected like this. Obi-Wan has a bond with her, and he can still feel a vague glimpse of her emotions. She's scared, anxious, conflicted, but she doesn't feel the bone-deep terror that Obi-Wan does.

Why? What does it mean?

He doesn't have answers, and he doesn't know if he'll ever get them.

"I… apologize," Siri says stiffly, interrupting his spiraling thoughts. "My attitude was uncalled for. If you don't mind, I will find someplace quiet to meditate."

"Go ahead," he replies, nodding. "You need it."

"Thanks," she huffs dryly, turning and walking away.

He watches her leave, feeling conflicted, and no more certain about anything in his life than he was before all of this began. If anything, he only feels worse.

**w**

Ahsoka genuinely doesn't know how to feel about the sudden turn of events. It was more than a little awkward for her to watch Obi-Wan and Siri arguing, but she's not really surprised. She's scared for Anakin, worried about where he is and what he's doing. What's happening to him? When she reaches out towards the pinprick of light on the other end of their bond, she senses very little. Perhaps she isn't trained enough, or perhaps their bond isn't strong enough. Or perhaps, he's shielding.

That's the most likely option, no doubt, since if he really left like that without telling them, he wouldn't want them to be able to contact him through the Force to dissuade him from his chosen path. She's scared, because she has no trust whatsoever for Sidious, and she can only imagine what he's capable of. She has seen some of what he can do, some of what he has done to Anakin in the past, and this will probably only be worse.

It didn't need to come to this, though. Anakin should have talked to them. They're a family! They're supposed to do everything together, and she doesn't much like that Anakin isn't letting them protect him. He protected her, and that thought still fills her with warmth. This whole… mess happened because Krell threatened her, and Anakin refused to let her be hurt. She has no reason to doubt his love for her, but she wishes that he wasn't always so… self-sacrificing sometimes. That is what it is, right?

"We'll be meeting up with Death Squadron," Obi-Wan tells her sometime after Siri has left. They're on the bridge now, and it's so weird to be on the bridge of a Republic Star Destroyer. It's quite different from those of the CIS in many ways, with the color scheme and design, but Ahsoka isn't familiar enough with all of the many controls and positions to know which would be more effective.

"What then?" Ahsoka wants to know. More than anything, she wants Obi-Wan to say that they'll take a shuttle back to Coruscant, sneak down to the surface and search until they find Anakin and bring him with them, but she also knows better. She knows how dangerous that would be, how easily they could be caught and captured again, and she doesn't want Anakin's actions to have been for nothing.

Perhaps she is not as troubled about fighting – even killing – the Jedi as she should be, but she doesn't like it, either. She doesn't like the death, and she doesn't want to have to do it again. And she knows that if they're captured again, and if Anakin learns that, he'll stop at nothing to get them out, no matter what it takes.

"I will contact Dooku and appraise him of the situation," Obi-Wan replies, expression distant as he stares at the blue and white swirls of hyperspace. "Likely, he will wish for us to meet up with him. It is… tricky because we have taken a legion of clones from the Republic."

"We should comm ahead to Death Squadron," Ahsoka says, thinking aloud. "They'll need time to prepare and to… deal with the inhibitor chips."

"Excellent idea," Obi-Wan agrees. He approaches the Captain, Del, requesting that he be allowed to use the communications room in private. It's obvious that they'll be contacting Separatists, or at least it must be, but Del still agrees readily.

"You trust us," Ahsoka observes after Obi-Wan has left to make the necessary transmissions. No use waiting, after all, when they can deal with the situations now. It's all very tricky, and she's glad that she doesn't have to handle it herself. "At least somewhat," she amends.

He regards her for a moment. "I trust Lord Vader," he corrects, pulling off his helmet and tucking it beneath his arm, "And he trusts you."

Ahsoka knows that Anakin helped train some of the clones, the 501st in particular, since he had hoped to lead it himself. They are the most elite, well-trained troops in the entire GAR from what she's heard. But she can't really understand their loyalty to a man who has been publicly fighting with the CIS since practically the outbreak of the war. It's been months.

"Why do you trust him?"

Something flickers through his eyes, some emotion that's gone too fast for her to name. "He… cared about us," Del answers slowly. "He was never just a trainer. He saw us as people, treated us in a way the Kaminoans never did. He didn't dispose of anyone who didn't meet his rigorous standards. He worked with us, pushed us to be better. It… it's not really something I expect you to understand, no offense intended."

"None taken, but I – I think I do understand," she ventures, trying to see it from his perspective, "Somewhat. I know some clones, and we're… friends, I guess. I'm not entirely unfamiliar with what your lives were like."

She senses Obi-Wan nudging her through their bond, so she excuses herself to go to the communications room so they can speak in private without risk of being overheard. "I spoke to Appo and told him our situation," Obi-Wan informs her. "Apparently, Rex and Fives have gone on an undercover mission to Kamino to find a way to permanently shut down all of the inhibitor chips. They don't want to rely on the failsafe, Order 501."

Ahsoka nods, understanding that. She can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to have the chip activated in their minds, forcing them to blindly obey whatever orders they are given. Perhaps their minds have already been conditioned to following orders, but having their free will entirely stripped like that would be awful. It's no wonder that the clones want to find a way to permanently shut down the chips so that they can't be coerced into obeying.

"The medics will be waiting when we arrive," he continues, "And they will begin removing the chips from the 501st Legion. Appo seemed… happy to hear about the imminent arrival of their brothers. I think that they hope to make plans together to find a way to free all of them." He pauses for a moment. "I also talked to Dooku. Once we reach the coordinates, he wants us and Siri to take a shuttle and meet him on Raxus."

Ahsoka isn't surprised by that, either, even though a part of her still desperately wishes that they could go back after Anakin, no matter how unrealistic that is. "What about Anakin?" she can't help but ask.

Obi-Wan sobers, and there's a flash of some sort of emotion – pain, perhaps – in his eyes before it's gone. "He has heard nothing from Sidious, but I expected as much. We can only move as quickly as possible and hope for the best."

I don't want to. The words are on the tip of her tongue, but she swallows them. It doesn't even need to be said, because she knows that Obi-Wan feels the same.

Even so, she thinks that Obi-Wan must sense her conflict, because he lays a hand on her shoulder for a moment. "I don't like it either," he says, "But there is nothing more that we can do for Anakin right now except find a faster way of ending Sidious. We will have to trust that Anakin will be alright."

He's trying to reassure her, she knows, but it doesn't really do much, not when her mind is all too eager to supply possible tortures which Anakin could be enduring as they speak. "I know," she concedes reluctantly, crossing her arms. Maybe, once they arrive on Raxus, Dooku will have a better idea about what they can do. Maybe.

"I had best find Siri to tell her the plans." He sounds a bit disgruntled, irritated, and Ahsoka is glad it's not being directed at her. "I expect she will be less than thrilled to go with us to Raxus, so I will need to convince her."

"Good luck with that," Ahsoka offers half-heartedly. She is way too old to sulk, but that's really what she wants to do right now, because she hates having to leave Anakin with Sidious, even if it won't be for long.

"There is no such thing as luck," Obi-Wan grumbles.

Anakin disagrees, she almost blurts out, but she doesn't say it, because he isn't here, and she doesn't want to constantly remind herself that he's gone, that he's with Sidious. Obi-Wan is right. All they can do is find a way of taking down Sidious as fast as possible, and hopefully, when they get to Anakin, he… will be… alright. And if not, they can help him heal.

Final Notes: If you want to join our Discord to receive updates or just hang out, here's the invite link, and please delete the spaces! :) discord . gg / nqSxuz2

You can find us on tumblr at fanfictasia (which is our more serious blog which does have controversial posts on it; I won't be offended if you choose to block it, promise), and disastertriowriting (which is our fun blog with crack posts or incorrect SW quotes; we also advertise our SW gift exchanges on there)

And! We have a YT channel for tributes! Please delete the spaces in the link. :D youtube channel / UC_g1M5rSCxJUzQCRS29B6pA

Finally, if you're interested, you can submit a SW gift fic request via the following form (delete the spaces): forms . gle / rmXWtRomMMaULuPa6