Hi lovelies! Thank you so much for all of the reviews on the last prompt, I absolutely love reading your comments, they make me so happy!
This prompt was requested by a guest. I think this might be one of my favourites that I have written, I loved the idea and got so stuck in to this so I really hope you all enjoy.
Just a little warning that this mentions miscarriage.
"Amy, you know we don't have to do this" Sheldon told her just as they were about to leave the apartment. Amy turned from where she stood just a few feet in front of him, her eyes looking at him completely unimpressed, he had seen that look many times before over the years.
"Sheldon, of course we have to do this. They're our best friends and they've just had a baby" Amy reasoned with him as she held the card and the gift bag filled with various presents they had bought for the new arrival.
"I know" Sheldon nodded, looking down at the ground, he couldn't make eye contact with her as he said the words, he didn't want to bring up the past few weeks and the utter heartbreak they had both suffered. "I'm just… after everything… I'm just worried about you" he mumbled, staring down at his shoes.
Amy sighed softly and placed the items in her hands down on the couch. She reached forward, gently resting her hand upon his arm. "Sheldon, we can't avoid them. Our friends are going to have babies, regardless of our situation, we can't hide from that" although she was trying to fight it, he could hear the pain in her voice.
They still couldn't quite believe that it had been twelve days since their future and dreams of a family had been taken away from them. Twelve days since the one thing that they had been waiting almost a year for had suddenly gone. At nine and half weeks pregnant, Amy had miscarried.
It was without a doubt the most heartbreaking thing they had ever experienced as couple and there were moments where Sheldon wondered whether they would actually be able to get through it. It was rough on both of them. For the first few days, Amy just shut herself away, she barely spoke, barely ate or drank, she was just numb, it emotionally broke Sheldon to see her so vacant. It was only when Sheldon broke down too that Amy started to open up and the pair began to move forward, dealing with all of this together.
"I appreciate you're worried about me but I'll be just fine, I promise" she reassured him, although he wasn't entirely convinced. Bending down to pick up the gifts yet again, Amy stopped and looked at him. "You'll be okay, won't you?" she didn't want to ignore the fact that this would be hard for him too.
"Fine" he nodded. She gave him a small smile and pushed herself up on to her tiptoes to kiss his lips.
They made the short journey across the hallway to Leonard and Penny's apartment, they really had put off visiting for as long as possible. They didn't feel the need to be there at the hospital nor did they want to arrive as soon as he had been born, if anything they both understood the importance of having that special moment together as a little family of three. Leonard had of course kept them all updated but now they were home and literally right across the hall, it couldn't be avoided.
Sheldon raised his hand to begin his signature knock however, thinking quickly Amy reached up, taking hold of his wrist and stopping him. "What if he's asleep?" she whispered. "It's always a struggle getting baby's to sleep, they'll hate us if we wake him."
"Why are you whispering?" Sheldon asked, adopting the same volume and whispering back.
"I don't know" Amy laughed. It was nice seeing her smile. Sheldon reached for the handle and carefully opened the door, it wasn't like they didn't constantly walk in and out of each other's apartments anyway. As he peered his head round the door, he saw Penny sitting in a chair with a little bundle in her arm.
"Is it okay to come in?" he kept his voice quiet. Penny, who looked absolutely exhausted but yet positively glowing, looked up from the baby in her arms and beamed at Sheldon.
"Sure, come in, come in" she beckoned them in with her hand to content and cosy to even attempt to move. "He's just woken up so you couldn't have timed it any better," she smiled.
Sheldon pushed the door open further and Amy followed behind him. Sheldon was the first one to make his way over to Penny, giving her a slightly awkward one arm hug as she planted a kiss on his cheek. Briefly, he glanced down at the baby in her arms, the baby boys eyes all big and wide as he stared up at him.
"He looks like Leonard" Sheldon commented before settling himself down in his spot.
"I know" Penny sighed. "Twenty two hours of labour and he comes out looking like his dad"
"Where is Leonard?" Amy asked, as she too embraced Penny and glanced down at the baby.
"He went for nap" she rolled her eyes. "I shouldn't really complain, he did let me sleep all day yesterday" Penny explained. Amy decided to perch herself on the arm of Penny's chair so she could get the best view of the baby. He was so calm and content, he looked so at ease and peaceful, she was amazed by how small he was, by how small all of his tiny features were, his little hands and fingers, his tiny little finger nails.
Without thinking, her mind took her to a place she didn't want to go. She started thinking about their child and what could have been, would they have looked like this. Would they have been a boy or a girl? Would they be this tiny? This content and cosy? She quickly shook away the thought.
"Penny, he's so gorgeous" Amy cooed as she reached down and took hold of his little hand in hers. "He has the most beautiful eyes. Oh look at how he's sucking his bottom lip" she was so fascinated by him and despite the emotional pain she had been through she really couldn't have been happier for her best friends.
"I mean, I know I'm totally biased but he is pretty gorgeous isn't he?" she couldn't stop smiling, Amy imagined it had been that way since the moment he had been born.
"Does he have a name?" Sheldon asked.
"He does" Penny smiled. "This is Lucas Alfred Hofstadter"
"Oh, baby Lucas" Amy gushed, holding her hand to her heart. "Hi, Lucas, aren't you just so gorgeous" she cooed.
From across the room on the couch, Sheldon found himself getting lost watching her. The way her eyes lit up when she looked at Lucas, how natural and at ease she was with talking to him, she looked the happiest he'd seen her in days. His heart ached at the loss of the their baby, at the mother Amy would have become, the mother she will one day absolutely become because she was the only woman on this earth that he would want to raise children with and he was determined to still do that.
It was a few minutes later when Leonard joined them from his nap. After, making them all tea, talk naturally returned to Lucas. Penny revealed far too much information about her labour and birth for Sheldon's liking, as well as discussing breastfeeding and their sleepless nights. Amy was intrigued by it all, she was desperate and eager to learn all about it, if Sheldon was being honest he was sure at some point he switched off.
"I need to go to the bathroom, do you mind holding him?" Penny shuffled uncomfortably as she turned to ask Amy, Leonard was in the kitchen clearing away their mugs. It was odd that the notion for Amy to hold Lucas hadn't crossed their minds sooner, it was almost as if they all knew what Amy had been through and were being cautious. Now, that she had been asked there was no way she could say no, she knew at some point, eventually, she would have to hold him.
"Um…yeah sure" Amy nodded as she too shifted in her spot in a bid to get comfortable. She didn't quite feel ready to hold a baby yet, her heart hadn't healed, but as Penny carefully slid Lucas into her arms, she realised she didn't have much of a choice.
"Oh, hi Lucas" she cooed gently, as soon as the little baby was in her arms, she couldn't help but smile. He was so beautiful, so warm and cosy and just the perfect little bundle.
It had been very a long time since she had held a baby, but it just felt so easy and right. This was what she was meant to do, her whole purpose in life was to be a mother and to hold her own babies. She wanted that more than anything in the world. Feeling the tears sting at her eyes as she gazed down at Lucas, she gently removed a hand from underneath him, effortlessly holding him in one arm as she gently grazed her finger across his cheek, his big eyes staring up at her, taking in the appearance of this unfamiliar person.
"Hi, I'm your auntie Amy. You're just so perfect, aren't you?" she cooed. He started to stir in her arms and she instantly knew what to do and say, she kept her head low, shielding her tears from those around her, she was grateful no one had noticed or commented on them. Little did she know, Sheldon had seen everything.
As he sat beside her on the couch, he had seen the tears in her eyes. The tears he desperately wished he could help soothe but there really was nothing he could do, he really had never felt so helpless. She would be the most amazing mother, watching her with Lucas, watching her hold him and talk to him was just such a natural thing for her to do. Completely at ease, she made it look so effortless, like she had done this already a million times over. His heart broke all over again.
"He's so cute, isn't he?" Amy looked up to talk to Sheldon, seeing how he was looking at her, looking at them both made her feel all funny inside. He was looking at her with love in his eyes and an emotion she couldn't quite place. She knew babies, particularly the thought of other peoples weren't really his thing but she knew there would always be a love for Lucas there.
—
"That was so much harder than I thought" Amy sighed as they entered their apartment just a few hours after meeting Lucas. It was only now, when Amy had stepped out of the environment that she realised how much seeing him had affected her. The emotions, that she thought she had managed to put to bed over the last few days, suddenly overwhelmed her. "Can I have a cuddle?" she asked.
Sheldon didn't responded. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest, where she rested her head. He didn't need her to tell him this had been hard, he had seen the look written all over her face, all he wanted do was make her feel better.
"I just wanted that to be us so much" she mumbled against his shirt, he couldn't be sure, but he thought she may have been crying. He would understand if that was the case.
"I know" he nodded his head, resting his chin upon her head. "I want that too" he really did, seeing Amy with Lucas only cemented that. He held Amy a little longer before leading them both over to the couch.
"Sorry, I know this is hard on you too" it was hard on him, he wasn't going to deny that but he really didn't think it came close to how Amy felt. She was the one that had had this tiny little life inside of her, someone who already had such a deep connection to their baby that he couldn't even comprehend. He couldn't imagine how losing that felt.
"I want you to know" he reached forward and took hold of her hands. "That whenever you're ready, whenever that may be, we can try again" he told her gently. "It could be tomorrow or a few months down the line or even a year, whenever you feel ready, we should try again. I want us to try again" he was rambling now, Amy could tell and she appreciated it so much, she appreciated him so much.
She knew that whenever the time came, whenever that may be, they would be the most wonderful parents.
Thank you so much for reading! As always reviews are always appreciated and so welcome. I love hearing your thoughts.
Lots of love. xx