Hi lovely readers,
Thank you so much for all of the reviews left on the last chapter. It really surprised me how many of you enjoyed it and took the time to review so thank you so much for that!
This prompt was requested by a guest and I apologise for it taking me so long. This is quite a long one and I feel at times I have rambled on a bit but I loved writing this so I hope you enjoy reading.
Enjoy!
'How can you miss a game you've never played before, silly.'
Maybe just like Sheldon had said she was just that, silly. Silly for falling in love with him. Silly for breaking up with him. Silly for feeling how she felt right now. All of these feelings and emotions Amy was experiencing were so brand new. She had never been in love before him, never had to deal with heartbreak or a break up, she really had no clue how to act or what she should be feeling. Love was truly a mind field.
Never one to believe in love at first sight, Amy had found herself doing just that when she met Sheldon Cooper for the first time in a quaint, little coffee shop outside of town. It was hard to believe that was now five years ago. Without realising, he had changed her whole life, she had fallen head over heels in love and suddenly the world made sense.
For Amy, it was more than just being in love. What they had was so much more than just an attraction to one another. It ran much deeper than that. It was a level of understanding Amy had never experienced before, she had spent her whole life never feeling understood by anyone: her parents, people at school, people she encountered throughout her adult life, she always felt like an outsider. That was until she met Sheldon and for the first time in her whole life someone understood her and that alone brought her so much comfort. It was a sense of belonging, a confidence and a security that she never thought she'd be able to have.
Before she even knew it, that all seemed to come to a halt around six months ago, not that her feelings for Sheldon had changed but she suddenly felt stuck. Stuck in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere, as she took a step back and reflected she started wondering whether their relationship had actually gone anywhere in the first place. When she looked at all of their friendship group, she saw so much progress. Howard and Bernadette had been married now for three years and she knew it wouldn't be long before they announced that they were pregnant. Penny and Leonard were engaged and happily planning their wedding and then there was her and Sheldon. Stuck.
Although Amy wasn't sure she was ready for marriage and babies just yet, she would have liked to have known it was a possibility and with Sheldon, she just didn't know how much further they had left to go. He never once gave her any indication that he thought about their future or that he even wanted a future with her. It had taken him three years to really kiss her, four to admit he loved her and still even after five years the most intimate they had been was a distracted make out session on a couch.
She would watch their friends, quietly observing the gentle touches Leonard and Howard would give their partners when they didn't think anyone was looking. The knowing smiles and flirtatious glances, the spontaneity of their plans and their PDA's. Amy really wasn't asking for the world, she just the wanted to feel like she was wanted, like she was needed and not just a part of his routine. She appreciated it was hard for Sheldon to open up and let people in and she knew in his own way he had given enough of himself to her, but that still wasn't enough for her. Was she being greedy by simply wanting more?
Even though the doubts had been in Amy's head for a while, the final straw came four months ago during their five year anniversary date night, when he stopped kissing her to ask about a TV show. A TV show, of all things. Where was his head at? Certainly not with her, was his head ever really with her? Amy felt as if someone had thrown a cold bucket of water over her and she had finally woken up. Would he ever be able to give her what she wanted? What if after all this time, they had just grown apart, their lives now on a completely different path.
In that moment, she was so angry, she stormed out of apartment, letting Sheldon know the next day that she needed time away from their relationship. With a heavy and broken heart, she had come to the realisation that she needed to be on her own, she needed to figure what she really wanted and who she really wanted to be with.
The months that followed weren't easy, nursing a broken heart was exhausting, physically and emotionally and being part of the same friendship group was proving much harder than Amy anticipated. For a while they kept their distance but in time their paths eventually collided, catching each other's eye as they past in the hallway or Sheldon barging into Penny's apartment unannounced during girls night. The conversations had been forced and stilted at first but it didn't take long for the two of them to naturally fall back into their pattern of being comfortable around one another.
It had taken Amy a few months but after a while, she finally started to dabble in the dating pool. She'd been on three dates with three different guys, two were for coffee and one was dinner. The guy she had met for dinner was still on the scene but what Amy had quickly realised was that none of the men were Sheldon. They were all, in their own way, lovely, but they simply weren't Sheldon Cooper. She was pretty sure she would never find anyone in this world like him. That thought alone left her awake sometimes at night wondering if she'd made a huge mistake.
Nothing left her questioning that mistake more than right now. After spending the morning of thanksgiving at the aquarium with Sheldon, all of her feelings for him came flooding back, feelings that she wasn't sure had ever really left her. The butterflies in her stomach as she waited for him in the car outside his apartment block couldn't be ignored. You didn't get butterflies like that over nothing. She was quickly transported back to their very first date and although she tried to pretend it wasn't a big deal she had that same fluttery feeling then. None of the guys she had dated since Sheldon had made her feel like that.
Amy felt like the true meaning of today had hit her hard. Thanksgiving. A time to reflect and be thankful for all that you have. She was definitely grateful to be able to spend time with Sheldon regardless of their relationships status, she felt lucky to have him. She also had been made aware of how much she had missed him, maybe she had needed the time away from him to understand just how much he meant to her.
Today had gone exactly how she had expected. Sheldon had been Sheldon and she had simply been Amy. There was no point to be proved, no one to impress, just the two of them together, against the world, how it had always been. She had never felt more like herself than when she was around him, never felt more comfortable and secure. She wasn't quite sure she had realised just how content he made her feel until now.
As silence and darkness descended over her on the drive back from her mother's, she couldn't quite shake the thought of Sheldon and their day together from her head. Maybe it was because she wanted to hear his voice or maybe it was because she still wanted to cling on to this day but she suddenly found herself calling his number.
"Hello" she found herself genuinely smiling at the sound of his voice, the first time she had properly smiled since leaving him that morning.
"Hi. I'm just driving back from my mothers," she explained. She didn't know why he needed to know such a mundane detail but she saw this as giving herself a little more time to pluck up the courage to say what she needed to.
"Oh. Did you have a nice time?" she was a little taken by what seemed to be a genuine interest. Sheldon often paid very little interest to things going on in Amy's life, maybe this break had been good for him too. It was a nice feeling to know he cared.
"I did" she nodded. Thanksgiving with her family had just been okay, her mind and thoughts had been so consumed with Sheldon that she had found it hard fo concentrate and enjoy the day. "Listen, I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed spending this morning with you."
"Well, I can't take all the credit. It was funny when that one anchovy started swimming the wrong way" she could still see his face, his blue eyes lighting up as he stared into the tank, laughing at something so simple. Within seconds she found herself joining in too, his happiness was infectious and she wasn't sure she could recall a day where she had been happier, particularly in recent months.
"Yeah, it was" she smiled as she spoke recalling the memories. It made her feel a little deflated that this morning had now become a memory. She knew now that she wanted to make many more memories with Sheldon, memories that held so much more of a meaning than fish swimming in the wrong direction.
Taking a deep breath, she realised she needed to say all of this now, she had to tell him how she really felt and now seemed to be a better time than any. "Sheldon," she cleared her throat, her heart beating rapidly in her chest, she felt so nervous. Maybe deciding to have this conversation whilst in charge of a moving vehicle wasn't one of her best ideas. "I've been thinking…" her mind was working overtime, she could really now send the conversation in any direction she chose, she didn't have to tell him how she felt, she didn't have to say anything, if she needed to backtrack, now was the time. "I've been thinking that maybe I'm ready to be your girlfriend again" there she had said it, the words fell from her lips at one hundred miles an hour, there really was no going back now. No going back at all.
"Oh" came Sheldon's reply, Amy wasn't sure what she was expecting but it hadn't simply been an 'oh'. "Amy, I thought we were just friends" she could picture him now, at home, sinking down into his spot on the couch, his eyes narrowed in confusion and his lips pouty.
"We are friends" Amy had realised after today that she always wanted to be his friend, she needed him in her life more than she realised. Simply being friends didn't feel enough, she was friends with Leonard and Raj and yet her feelings for them were very different to how she felt about Sheldon. Reaching out she carefully flicked on her windscreen wipers, the rain was now starting to fall pretty hard, she probably shouldn't have waited this long before turning them on. "Sheldon, we'll always be friends but I was just hoping…"
"Amy" he interrupted, she already knew this wasn't going to end well. Did she really think that Sheldon was just going to forget everything? Forget all the hurt that she had caused him and suddenly jump back into their relationship simply because she had changed her mind. Now, she wished she hadn't even said anything. "I excel at many things in life but getting over you wasn't one of them," he told her gently.
If Amy had been feeling guilty before, hearing Sheldon utter those words, hearing him admitting for the first time how the break up had affected him, it was like a punch to her stomach, a knife to her heart. He was right, he did well and truly excel in every accept of life to know that she proved to be a stumbling block for him was hard to swallow. How naive of her to assume that their relationship would be rekindled, she hadn't even thought about Sheldon's feelings in all of this, not at all.
"It's okay. It's okay, I understand"
Silence fell for a beat of a second, as Amy swallowed the lump in her throat, Sheldon started rambling on about how he would change his answer to one of the games they had played in the aquarium. It was all just noise to Amy and before she knew it, she found herself wiping tears away from her cheeks.
"Yeah sure" she mumbled in reply.
"Well thank you for today Amy. Goodbye" his often abrupt ending to phone calls always made her laugh but all this one did was make her cry harder. As she heard him hang up, she finally allowed herself to cry, sobs shaking her body as her hands reached up to her cheeks to swat away the tears. How could she have been so stupid? She had hurt him, more than she realised, how could she just think he would take her back. What if they never managed to find away back to one another?
Her mind was so distracted, her thoughts were all over the place and her heart was broken yet again. She wasn't present in the moment, wasn't focused on the road ahead. It was dark and wet, her vision blurred from the rain and her tears, she really was trying her hardest to pull herself together but just as she did she realised it was too late. Bright lights hurtling towards her blinded her, it all happened so quickly, the screech of brakes, the quick swerve of the wheel, the crushing of metal, air being taken from her lungs, the pain and then darkness.
—
Sheldon had found Amy's revelation surprising. She had been the one to the end their relationship, she had asked for time and a break, she was so certain, so clear on what she wanted that Sheldon had had to believe it was over for good. Now all of a sudden, without warning, she wanted him back and he had never felt so confused in his life.
Of course, he wanted to be with Amy. He loved her dearly, deep down, he knew he would always love her but these last few months had not been easy. In fact, they had been some of the hardest months he had ever gone through, but now finally, he felt as if he had come out the other side. Finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. He told himself that he would never let him go through an experience like that again, heartbreak was horrible and he wasn't sure he could go through that whole ordeal again.
With Amy there was no guarantee. Sheldon didn't know how much of himself he could give to her, he already felt like he had given her enough of his heart, enough of his time. Somewhat naively, he thought that was enough, even though he knew the progression of their relationship was slow compared to those around him, he thought for them it was perfect. There was no guarantee that one day Amy would in inevitably want more and what if he just couldn't give it to her?
Feeling rather comforted by the notion that for now he and Amy would still remain friends, he proceeded with his night time routine. Pulling up the duvet and settling down in bed, Sheldon was about to allow himself to drift off when his phone began to vibrate from where it was resting on his bedside table. Usually, he would place his phone on silent to ensure an undisturbed sleep, he figured his mind was too focused on Amy to remember such a minor detail. He hated that she did that to him, made him not himself, confused and forgetful.
As he pushed himself up in bed, he glanced at his phone. The number was one he did not recognise and although out of character, he felt compelled to answer. A gut feeling almost, telling him to pick up the call.
"Hello" he answered unsure, his finger hovering over the end call button as he half expected someone to start rambling on about a particularly branch of insurance he could benefit from.
"Hello, am I speaking to a Mr. Sheldon Cooper" a female voice spoke down the line. He didn't hang up. There was a still a feeling in the pit of stomach telling him to hold on.
"Dr Cooper, yes" Sheldon corrected in a manner that only he would.
"Hi, Dr Cooper. I'm Dr Williams, I'm calling from Huntington hospital. We have you down as an emergency contact for Miss Amy Farrah Fowler" she explained. Sheldon was suddenly more alert than he had been all day, his heart began to thump in his chest and he had that awful, sickening feeling in his stomach. Why were the hospital calling him about Amy? He had spoken to her not that long ago, how could she now be in hospital?
"Amy" he felt himself almost choking on her name. "What's happened to Amy? Is she okay?" he couldn't get the words out quick enough, couldn't get answers fast enough. He needed to know.
"Amy was brought in after being involved in a car accident," Dr Williams explained.
"A car accident?" Sheldon stuttered over his words. His mind was trying to process everything, Amy had been calling him whilst driving, how long after their phone call had this happened? Had he somehow played a part in this. "Is she okay?" he was aware that Dr Williams still hadn't given him an answer, his heart was racing, going a mile a minute. "Is she alive?" he hardly dared to ask.
"Amy has sustained some injuries. We're running tests."
"Okay" Sheldon nodded even though he was aware he couldn't be seen. "I need to be there. I'll be there soon. Thank you for calling," without waiting for a response, he quickly hung up. "Leonard" he called, throwing the bedroom door open and rushing into the living area, seeing Leonard and Penny cuddled up on the couch, he knew he was interrupting something but he didn't care. His best friends were quick to see that Sheldon wasn't quite himself. Eyes wide in fear, skin pale and shaking hands.
"Buddy, what's wrong?" Leonard asked. Sheldon's mouth started to move but no words seemed to form. "Hey, it's okay. Just tell me what's wrong?" Leonard had known Sheldon long enough to know that even this kind of behaviour for him was somewhat strange.
"Amy" for the moment it was all he could manage. "Amy. She's in hospital. She's had an accident" his voice shook as he spoke and they were sure they saw his eyes glimmer with tears.
"What?" Penny exclaimed rising to her feet.
"I need you to take me to the hospital"
—
Sheldon's stomach was in knots. The whole ride to the hospital both Penny and Leonard had tried to be reassuring but to Sheldon it was just noise. All he could think about was Amy, he had barely registered when they had arrived at the hospital. He knew he was being irrational, but what if she didn't make it? What if some injury had gone undetected? If something was more serious than it seemed? He couldn't cope with that.
In his mind, he kept replaying their last conversation. She had wanted to be his girlfriend, she had asked if they could give things another go and he'd turned her down. That could not be their last conversation, the last time he ever heard her voice. There last moments together, whenever they came, had to hold more of significance than that. He couldn't let anything happen to Amy without her knowing how much she meant to him. How much he needed her. How much he loved her.
Like waves crashing against the shore, it suddenly hit Sheldon just how much he needed Amy. How much he needed her in his life and more than just a friend, he wanted her to be his girlfriend again and he had to tell her that. It was that thought alone that somehow carried him across the car park and into the main entrance of the hospital.
Becoming aware of his surroundings, he took in the sights before him. Couples holding hands, families awaiting news. It was an odd place to have such a realisation but Sheldon realised he wanted all of this with Amy. He wanted them to be a couple, somewhere down the line he wanted them to be a family. He couldn't imagine it with anybody else.
Upon arrival at her reception desk, Leonard took the lead. Sheldon wasn't in the right head space, he felt numb and lost. He just needed to see Amy. All he could do was watch as Leonard spoke to the receptionist who read notes from her computer. Sheldon felt like time stood still and everything around him fell silent, his thoughts were racing, full of Amy and happier times.
He was suddenly pulled from his thoughts when he felt Leonard nudging his arm. As he turned to look at his best friend, he saw he was looking up at him smiling. Why was he smiling? This wasn't the time for smiles.
"Did you hear that?" Leonard asked through his smile. "Amy's going to be okay," Sheldon hadn't heard anything, but in that moment it didn't matter. He had heard Leonard loud and clear. Amy was going to be okay.
—
Quietly pushing open the door just a fraction, Sheldon peered into Amy's room. Smiling to himself when he saw her sat up right in bed. He had to stop himself from charging into the room and taking her straight into his arms, instead he stood and watched her for a moment, totally oblivious to the fact he was there, that's when he always found himself getting a little lost in her, when she was lost in her own moment.
"Hi" he decided to finally make his presence known, fully stepping into the room, gaining Amy's attention, his heart felt so full when he saw her smile.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice was quiet and groggy despite that though, she seemed pleased to see him.
"I'm still your emergency contact. They called me when you were brought in" he took small steps towards her, before finally reaching the bed. Amy couldn't quite believe he was here, she really wasn't sure how their next encounter would be after their phone call earlier, but now here he was, rushing to her aid. "Look at your head" on the left side of her forehead was a deep, sticky red cut, normally the sight of something like this would make him squirm but right now all he wanted to do was make her feel better. He carefully reached out to brush away her dark hair so he could get a closer look but Amy flinched and moved away.
"It's still sore" she told him, playing with her fingers
"What happened Amy?" he asked gently.
"I don't know" she shrugged, "I finished our call and then, I don't know, I guess I just wasn't paying attention to the road" she felt tears filling up her eyes as for a moment she relived the crash. She couldn't believe how careless she had been, how stupid and irresponsible.
"Hey, it's okay" Sheldon reached for her hand, the gesture took Amy by surprise. Even though they were alone, anyone could walk in at any moment and he was never usually this affectionate. "You're going to be alright. The doctors told Leonard that you're going to be okay. You're really lucky Amy" she felt him squeeze her hand as he reassured her.
"I know" she nodded her head. "I'm sorry for worrying you," feeling bad for causing so much drama, she knew that Sheldon would have been quite flustered upon receiving the phone call. "And I'm sorry for making you come into a hospital" he had always hated them, Amy knew this all too well.
"It's okay" he smiled. "I had to see you" he hadn't quite realised how open he had been. He needed to see her, needed to tell her how he really felt and as she cocked her head to one side, her eyes questioning him, he realised now he needed to explain. "I couldn't help thinking about what I would do if something happened to you. I can't believe it took something like this to make me realise it but I love you Amy and if you'll have me, I'd really like to be your boyfriend again" it felt like a relief to finally get the words out in the open, he had opened his whole heart to her. He wasn't sure he'd be able to cope if she rejected him again.
"What about just being friends?" there was a playful smile on her face as she said those words and Sheldon for the first time since receiving the phone call, finally felt like things were going to be okay.
"I don't want to be just friends anymore Amy. I nearly lost you today and that really scared me" Amy felt her heart feel heavy, she hated that her actions had upset him so much. "I love you Amy"
"I love you too" she smiled and puckered lips for a kiss and Sheldon, happily obliged.
Thank you so much for reading. As always reviews are always welcome and so appreciated. I always love hearing your thoughts.
Stay safe.
Lots of love.