Chapter 5

Pain wasn't new to Mickey. Of course there was a difference between aching muscles due to hard labor and aching muscles due to a hard workout or from getting into a fight. And that was in a different category from emotionally inflicted pain, the sort of pain that dug in deep and held on with barbs. The kind that made you feel as if you were kicked in the gut by someone wearing steel-toed shoes. That kind she felt whenever she remembered her childhood with Alan or Squid or whatever the hell he was called now or heard him laugh or saw that particular smile when something made him giddy. Unfortunately that one only appeared at her expense nowadays.

He'd get a good laugh out of her today. The pain in her muscles had masked the pain that was nestled within the pit of her stomach which only meant she was going to have a horrible next few days. It wasn't every day that someone got their time of month while in a hot desert having to dig all day with no private bathroom nearby.

She grimaced as she followed the mass of boys towards the shed marked 'Library'. It still made her heart sink to know that behind the doors were shovels and not an actual library. She had brought a couple of books with her but then she could only read them so many times before getting bored with it, even if it was Harry Potter. She expected some to be in the Wreck Room when she first spied it but then thought better about it. Even if there were books there she doubted they'd be in any sort of decent condition if the TV and pool table were anything to go by. Seemed they provided enough to keep the 'campers' from going completely crazy rather than giving them something to bide their time and stimulate them.

When Mickey finally got a shovel she barely had any strength to keep it off the ground. It wavered in her arms, the balance unsettling her momentarily. She barely slept, her muscles throbbed, and it felt as if a squirrel was trying to claw its way out of her. But she didn't complain. She kept her mouth shut, grabbed her peanut butter covered celery and peanut butter covered bread—breakfast if it could be called that—and merged with the masses out to the lake.

The sun hadn't risen yet, it was a faint line of pink off in the distance of an inky blue that blanketed the sky. Any remaining stars that twinkled above their heads slowly faded as they walked out across the dry wasteland. Dust kicked up around their feet as their heavy boots clomped against the cracked dirt. Mr. Sir led each group to different parts of the lake, starting with A-Tent. They walked far enough away that the sounds of their shovels hitting the dirt was faint, almost as if they were imagining the noise. The same process was followed as Mr. Sir pointed out where B and C Tent were going to dig.

Then D Tent was told where to dig. Mr. Sir marked the ground with the heel of his boot for each camper, giving them roughly enough space between holes per person so as not to end up have a cave in. With how anal the boys seemed to be about where their dirt landed she couldn't even imagine how they'd react if their holes were too close. They'd probably lose their minds, not that she could exactly blame them. Being out there in the desert digging one hole day after day in the hot sun was enough to drive any sane person crazy.

Mickey pressed the tip of her shovel against the X that Mr. Sir had marked out for her and stared at it. She knew the only way she could get the tip into the ground would be to jump on it with all her might but she was just too tired. The other boys had it easy. Stanley, no, Caveman and Armpit could use their weight to help them out. Zigzag, Magnet, and Squid, judging by their forms, could use their muscles to help them out easily. X-Ray and Zero on the other hand, they were small and on the thin side. How they managed to get their shovels into the thick crust of the surface was beyond her.

She gripped the smooth shaft of the shovel between her aching palms. They throbbed in time with her heart beat and, for a moment, she stood and felt the pulse in her palms and listened to the oddly rhythmic sounds of her "tentmates'" shovel scoops and dirt tosses. But then she broke herself out of her trance because, well, no one else was going to dig her hole for her and if she didn't start she'd be out all day.

It was slow going. She finally managed to pry up a piece of dirt to get her hole started and from there it wasn't a smooth operation. Every time she went to scoop up more dirt, bolts of pain shot through her lower back. The air warmed up fast as time wore on and made it difficult to breathe. Like bags were being held over their heads and they were slowly suffocating.

Sweat dripped off Mickey's dirty face and landed on the water-starved ground. The cracked lake-bed swallowed the salty drips as soon as it connected with the dirt. Just seeing it made her want to go for her water but she knew if she even got a drop on her tongue half of that canteen would be empty and she didn't know when someone would come by with the water truck.

The sleepy haze that had settled over the group lifted along with the rising sun and soon the boys were talking and joking around as if they were standing by a water cooler or in a locker room. They spoke as if she weren't around, which part of her appreciated but part of her wished they would censor themselves a little bit.

"I'm tellin' ya, man, there's nothin' like some sweet lovin' that a girl can give you," Zigzag commented as he rest against the side of his hole.

"Kisses from your grandma don't count," Magnet pointed out, earning howls of laughter from the others save for Caveman and Zero. Those two were the only ones who continued to dig aside from Mickey. Zero liked to get in and get out whereas Caveman needed to keep digging. Being the slowest digger any breaks would only put him further back. Mickey was only trying to push through her pain, knowing that if she stopped it would be hard for her to keep going. But she did glance at them every now and then and listened in on their conversation. After all, it wasn't like she could be called out on eavesdropping since they weren't too far apart from one another.

"Yeah, dawg, what you know about sweet lovin' anyway?" Armpit asked.

"I know enough," Zigzag replied. He ran a hand through his crazy hair but it only made it stick out more than it had before. It was almost as if there was electricity in the air keeping up the shape. "Man, I can't wait to get out of here. Gonna hang out with babes and…bathe in ice cream."

"Ice cream?" Squid repeated. He jammed the tip of his shovel into the dirt and rest his arm on the shaft. "You'd rather bathe in ice cream than water?"

"Well, yeah, bathing in water doesn't make sense," Zigzag replied as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. He got blank stares in return. "See, with water I'd be going from warm to cold. But, with ice cream, I'd be going from cold to warm. Get it?"

"…You made more sense when you were talking about chicks."

"Aint that the truth," Magnet laughed. His laughter turned into a wistful sort of sigh and the boys fell silence until he broke it again. "You have girls at home?"

"Can't be that hard to find one now. Aren't girls into bad boys?" X-Ray asked with a large smile. "'Ey, you can vouch for us can't you?" he asked, directing his question over at Mickey. She paused—which was a bad idea on her part for she could feel the pain that she managed to ignore pool into her muscles. She pressed her lips together to keep from grimacing and felt herself getting hot under the collar, and it had nothing to do with the sun. "Aint it true girls like bad boys?"

Mickey blinked. She ran her tongue over her cracked, dry lips and felt the sting from the sudden moisture added to them. Her fingers drummed against the shaft of her shovel. It was such a simple question and yet it landed on Mickey's chest like a brick.

Aint it true girls like bad boys?...

The clock hands barely brushed past midnight when Alan came through Mickey's bedroom window. She expected it, waited for it even. It was the only way they could talk if the two were ever up late at night. He still wouldn't let her come over to his house no matter how much she asked. Mickey sat up in bed and reached over to flick on the light. The warm, golden glow seeped out of the lampshade and illuminated the curled-up boy on the floor.

"What are you doing down there?" she asked, kicking back her covers.

"I fell down," Alan replied. A second later his shoulders shook as he laughed. "I'm Humpty Dumpty! I fell off the wall and I'm cracked!" He held onto his sides and rolled to and fro. His eyes crinkled in the corners from mirth and redness settled in his cheeks.

"Shush! My mom and dad will hear you!" Mickey hissed, rushing to his side. He didn't seem to hear her as he continued laughing. She grabbed onto his arm and tried to pull him up but he was dead weight. "What have you been eating, bricks?"

"Pizza," Alan managed to reply though his laughter. Half his body lifted off the ground when Mickey pulled at him but he was dead weight. "A lot of pizza. With fish and olives. It was gross. Like that face." He reached out and poked Mickey's cheek, digging his finger into the skin. She could feel it poking between her teeth. She had to resist the urge to bite him.

"Come on, get up," Mickey urged. She dropped his arm and grasped his hands instead. Thankfully he grasped her hands in return and allowed him her to pull him up into a sitting position. But his head lolled around on his shoulders and his half-lidded gaze didn't fix on anything in particular. "You've been drinking again," she stated. It was a bit of a redundant, she knew, but she didn't have anything else she could say about it. They've been having the same conversation for three years.

"Just a little," he replied, holding up his finger and thumb. "Mom's getting' bad at hidin' the liquor." He laughed again. "If it's not in her stomach it's in mine! How's that for being a role model?" His smile slowly faded and his features fell. He sighed heavily and Mickey's nose wrinkled at the strong scent of alcohol that wafted past it. "She sucks," he grumbled. "I hate her."

"No you don't," Mickey grunted. She finally managed to pull him to his feet and then grabbed him around the waist to keep him from falling over. He swung an arm around her shoulder and let her walk him over to her bed where he collapsed on his side. "She's sick. You can't hate her for that."

"She sucks," he repeated. "She's mean when she drinks." He grabbed her pillow and tucked it beneath his head. "She likes drinking so much. I don't get why." He paused. "She loves the bottle more than me. She's…she's never said it." His eyebrows furrowed as if he were confused by something but his words were clear. "She never said she loves me."

"She does," Mickey stated, lying down next to him. "You don't always have to say it. I love your ass despite how annoying you are and how much trouble you get into." She poked his cheek. "I let you crawl in through my window like some burglar, don't I?"

Alan frowned. "I'd never steal from you. I don't steal. I told you that."

Mickey sighed. "I know, but your friends—" Her words trailed off at the glare he, well, tried to shoot at her. It was no secret that a rash of thefts was going around the neighborhood and it was no secret that it was Alan's friends that were behind it all. Twenty-year-old loser dropouts. She still didn't know what they wanted with someone in their mid-teens but somehow Alan rolled around with their crew like it was no big deal.

"I don't," he stressed.

"Okay. I believe you," Mickey replied.

"Good." He rubbed at his eye with the heel of his palm. "You're my best friend. I don't…I don't want you being mad at me. I wouldn't lie to you, Diz." He shifted until he was curled up in his side, his head resting on her stomach. "I don't need anyone else. I don't need my fucking mom or my fucking dad. I just need you." She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair, gently tugging on the strands. "Can I stay here?"

"Until the sun comes up. Like always," Mickey replied. "Dad doesn't want boys in my room. Even if it's you."

Alan didn't respond. The alcohol running though his bloodstream put him into a fast, deep sleep. She didn't mind his snoring. She didn't mind his muttering in his sleep. She didn't even mind when he woke up just to puke on her lap and then pass out again. She rolled out of bed, changed clothes, threw them into the washing machine and climbed back into bed. As soon as she laid back down Alan rolled over and wrapped his arms around her waist. She held him close and nuzzled her nose into his hair. It smelled of cigarettes and honey.

Aint it true girls like bad boys?...

She gave her head a shake, erasing the invading memories that attacked her heart. The lump in her throat broke when she swallowed—as much as she could little to no saliva—and she blew a breath out of the side of her mouth.

"Maybe," she finally admitted, "but that's before we realize they're lost causes and we can't fix them if they don't want to be fixed." She dared to risk a glance at Squid. He held her gaze and silently rolled his toothpick or whatever it was he was chewing on from one side of his mouth to the other.

"Well, I want to be fixed," Magnet spoke up, wiggling his eyebrows. "Kisses always work, right? Hey girlie, come give me a kiss!" He leaned against his shovel and made a show of puckering his lips.

Everyone stopped what they were doing that time. Mickey looked over at Squid again. He yanked his shovel out of the dirt and stabbed the ground with it.

It may as well have been her face.

She grasped her shovel and sliced into the dirt with it. One by one the other boys went back to digging their holes and they fell into silence. She tried to ignore the growing pain deep within her but it got stronger the longer the day went on. On top of that she had to continually duck into her hole and check whether it was sweat or something else that was sliding down her leg.

She nearly fell down to her knees when the water truck came around. It didn't feel like the end was in sight. She was digging herself a one way ticket to Hell. Her legs felt like they were stuck in mud as she trudged her way to the line that was forming at the back of the water truck. It was X-Ray, Armpit, Squid, Zigzag, Magnet, Zero, Caveman, and then herself. Never in her life has she appreciated being short until now. Caveman was blocking the sun out for her so she had a little bit of relief. Not a lot but a little.

"How're you feeling, Mickey?" Pendanski asked as he filled her canteen.

Was that a trick question? Her eyebrows crinkled and she cleared her throat as best as she could to answer him. "Hot," she finally replied, her voice raspy.

"Yes, well, you get used to that." He shut off the water and replaced the cap on her canteen and held it back to her. The smile on his face never faded as he watched her gulp down her water. "But, um, how are you really feeling?" he continued, rocking back and forth on his feet.

Mickey's eyebrow popped up as she slowly lowered her canteen, swallowing the last bit of water that was in her mouth. "Um…sweaty?" she finally replied.

"Sweaty. Good. Okay." Pendanski nodded his head rapidly so much that he appeared to resemble a bobble-head. "It's just… The Warden… understands your predicament, being a girl here. A woman. And The Warden wanted to make sure you were a bit more…comfortable. Yeah. So…here." He practically shoved the brightly colored packages he held behind his back into her hands and scampered away. Jumping into the truck, he floored the pedal and sped off, leaving her in a cloud of dust.

Coughing, she stumbled her way back to her hole and dropped in. Crouching down, she looked between the two packages to decide which product to use. Once the choice was made, she put it on as discreetly as possible and then reached out of her hole to grab her canteen. She popped two painkillers into her mouth and downed them with water, praying that they would work fast.

She didn't know how much time passed until a shadow fell over her hole. She sighed and squared her shoulders, ready for some sort of verbal onslaught when she turned around. Her body jolted at the sight of X-Ray standing above her. He wasn't that much bigger than her if they were standing side by side but he still felt massive to her.

"Hey," he greeted her with an easy going smile.

"Er…hi?" she replied. Before she could stop herself, her arm lifted and waved in his direction. Only her body wasn't quite working with her so her arm flopped like a fish on land.

"So I see you got something to help out your little problem," he continued, lifting his chin in the direction of the cast-aside pill bottle. Mickey looked between the bottle to X-Ray. "If you recall Magnet and I covered you the other day. It's only fair that we get a bit of a reward, right?" Her eyes shifted from the bottle to his face back to the bottle and back to his face. He smiled an easy-going smile. "It won't cost much. Just a few of those pills is all."

Mickey bit her lip. "I don't know…"

"You don't need it all the time," X-Ray pointed out. "It doesn't last that long, right? Four-five days max? You can't use that entire bottle in a week. No one will know." Mickey wanted to know how he knew anything about a female's cycle but she didn't ask. She didn't want to know that badly. She'd be scarred. "So? What d'you say?"

Mickey's shoulders sagged. Nothing good could come from giving a juvenile delinquent pills but…she didn't exactly want to make enemies at the camp either. Even if she weren't there that much longer she wasn't stupid enough to think that getting by alone would be the best way to go. But what kind of debt would this put her in now?

"…Okay," she said quietly. She grabbed the bottle as best as he could—blisters dotted her hands—and removed the top. She poured a couple of pills into his palm and shoved the bottle into the large front pocket of her jumpsuit.

"Good decision," X-Ray said with a large smile.

# # #

She hadn't been so happy to see her thin sleeping bag until that moment. She flopped onto the floor and let out a long breath. Rolling down the top to her jumpsuit she laid her hands on her stomach and pressed into her skin, rubbing away the ache that lurked beneath the surface. Her skin was still warm to the touch from the hot sun she stood beneath all day despite getting a shower in. Her face was flushed and she swore she was beginning to get a sunburn and she knew she had to get up to prepare dinner soon but she wasn't in a rush to get there.

The other boys of D-Tent had finished long before her and were spending time in the Wreck Room. She was still avoiding it, not wanting attention from all the other boys there. She got plenty of wolf whistles and catcalls and comments when she was half awake, it could only be worse when she was fully awake.

She paused her rubbing when she heard the distinct sound of the tent flap opening. She sat up to be greeted to the sight of Caveman pulling his hat off his head. "Oh, sorry," he muttered once he noticed her. "Sorry, I didn't see you there. I'll go."

"No, it's okay," Mickey said, waving her hand to brush away his words. "It's more your tent than mine anyway." She forced herself to get to her feet despite her muscles screaming in pain. She reached across her front and rubbed at her neck as she walked towards the front of the tent only to pause by Caveman's bed. "Are you okay?" she asked, studying his face.

He turned his half-lidded gaze to her. "Yeah, 'm fine. Just hot," he replied.

She clicked her tongue. They were all hot but they didn't look as if their faces were melting like his was. Turning on her heel, she walked over to her crate where her canteen, rucksack, and sketchbook were contained. Yanking on the drawstring of her bag she pulled out a small cloth. Removing the cap to her canteen, she poured the water over the cloth and then wrung out the excess. She didn't have to worry about wasting it with the water spigot on the shower wall.

"Lie down," she instructed him. He looked back at her before doing as he was told. He lay down on his cot and she couldn't help but notice how it groaned beneath his weight. Once he was down she dabbed the wet cloth along his cheeks to even out cooling down his skin. She had laid the cloth down on his forehead when the boys of D-Tent trooped in.

"Oh ho ho! Look at this! Caveman got himself a nurse!" X-Ray commented. "Wish we all had nurses to take care of us. Don't you?"

"Yeah. A hot nurse to give u sponge baths," Zigzag agreed.

"They'd need to use industrial scrubbers to deal with your stink," Magnet laughed, holding his nose. Zigzag held his middle finger up in Magnet's direction. "Do we get wet cloths too?" he directed towards Mickey. "Squid, she's your friend. Maybe you can—"

"She aint my friend," Squid interrupted him, yanking his hat off his head which was then followed by the t-shirt he had tied around it to keep the sun off his neck. His words were filled with so much venom it actually made her take a step back. He only talked like that when he spoke of his mother. They were on the same plane now?

She pressed her lips together. It was amazing how much damage a friendship could suffer from in one night. If that was the way he wanted to be, fine. She could go on like he didn't exist. It couldn't be that hard. Before she turned away she caught sight of the simple brown, thin macramé bracelets tied around his wrist. She remembered making them for him months before their fallout.

She frowned. Maybe it would be bit harder than she thought.

a/n - I apologize for how long it took me to update this story. Between having two jobs, I hardly have time to rest and relax let alone finding time to write in a timely manner now. However I have been watching the movie and reading the books nonstop recently so expect more updates due to inspiration. Also, was the flashback made clear to you guys or should I mark it? Please read and review! Thanks for being patient with me. Mickey's nickname will be revealed soon! Can you guess what it will be?