a/n - This chapter contains sensitive subject matter of a sexual nature, therefor is potentially triggering.
Proceed with caution
Chapter 13
Not a day went by since she arrived where Mickey didn't wonder what they were digging for. It was a bit too systematic for them to be digging holes, five feet-by-five feet every day. Up at four to trek out to the old lake-bed to start in a new area; "building character" Mr. Sir called it. If they wanted the campers to build character so badly it probably would be easier to force them all to sit down and talk about their feelings until they cracked. Even so she knew there was no sense in asking what they were looking for; the campers either didn't know or didn't care and she'd never get a straight answer out of Mr. Sir or Pendanski. The further she stayed away from them, the better.
The mere sight of Mr. Sir was enough for her to duck out of his sight any time he glanced in D-Tent's direction; being subjected to the strength of his squinty-eyed stare made Mickey's knees knock and her body quake due to the thick air of uncertainty surrounding him. His gruff demeanor didn't earn him points either.
Pendanski on the other hand, he was like a spinning coin, she didn't know what face he was going to land on. Just when she felt herself getting comfortable around him his smile would slide right off his face and he'd stare at her, as if waiting for her to cause trouble. Her frustrations mounted around him; it was as if her mere existence caused him so much grief that he would find fault in anything she did or didn't do. She briefly wondered if someone out there had hurt him but then cut that thought short; no amount of possible past pain could justify his actions towards her.
The Warden was the biggest enigma in the entire camp. Mickey'd never seen the Warden or even knew what the Warden looked like. All she had been told about the Warden was to never upset them, to never lie in the hammock between the two oak trees, and to never give a reason to see the Warden. In fact, they said, if she managed to go her entire sentencing without seeing the Warden the better off she'd be. All the mystery surrounding the Warden had her wondering if they even existed or if they were a tool to keep everyone in line.
Mickey slammed her shovel into the dirt and stepped on the edge, shoving the blade further into the dirt beneath her feet. It was barely past ten if she could guess the time. The sun was high but not directly overhead. Their holes weren't too deep, up to the waist for most of them; Mickey's barely reached thigh height. She envied their advantage of having longer legs which allowed for better lifting. She didn't suffer from soreness much anymore, thankfully; the sun and the worked strengthened her muscles and toughened her skin but it still wasn't an easy task to accomplish. Yet, every day she still managed to find the strength to pull through and finish what she started. If only she had a grasp on that strength a few months ago. Maybe then she'd be able to stand up to her mother, maybe then she'd be able to stop the rumors going around her school, and maybe then she'd like herself a little more.
She scooped another pile of dirt out of her hole and then knelt to toss out a few rocks. If she managed to find something somewhat interesting while digging it would make the time pass faster, she reasoned. A fossil like Caveman would be cool, at least she'd have something to take back to show her parents. If they still spoke to her when she got home, that is. It was a bit odd that her father didn't send a letter himself, or at least have a small note to go along with her mother's; then again when he was away for work it was hard to get a hold of him. It was easier for him to call them than it was the other way around; he took his "no cell phone while driving" rule very seriously. It wasn't unusual for him to call at odd hours.
Her lips curled into a smile as she thought about what she'd be doing if she weren't at Camp Green Lake. Probably coasting through a day of school just to run home and wait for her dad to call. Her mom would probably be out at the Country Club trying to console one of her friends going through her third divorce while simultaneously offering up her services to represent her. And, if she was lucky, a box would come in the mail and it would be a new snow globe that her father spotted while on the road. She already had a collection of twenty-three excluding her Disney themed ones; she was looking to get one from each state. But if she was unlucky, she'd be alone in the empty, still house waiting and wishing and praying for someone to acknowledge her. She stopped smiling, sighed, and dug into the dirt again.
"Hey look, a cloud!" Squid announced, mystified.
Along with the rest of her tent, Mickey turned her attention up to the sky. She blinked a few times to be sure she actually saw it. When was the last time she'd seen a cloud since she arrived? Too long. While they were graced with the presence of a dark sky littered with stars—the Milky Way made an appearance every now and then—they were cursed with a cloudless swatch of blue during the day. Right then, seeing a cloud was what she believed seeing a unicorn would feel like.
"Maybe it'll move in front of the sun," Zigzag said, almost longingly.
But it was wishful thinking. Any clouds that came near the sun seemed to dance around it, teasing them, before blowing away. And those were the ones that made it past the mountains in the distance. Clouds were as rare around the camp as a smile on Mr. Sir's face.
"Please, all I'm asking for is just a little shade," Armpit begged the heavens.
"Warden owns the shade, man," Caveman pointed out.
"Yeah, but maybe we'll get lucky," Zigzag spoke up, "maybe we'll get some clouds. And it'll rain for forty days and forty nights."
"We can go swimming!" Magnet said wistfully.
"Yeah, in a giant mud puddle," Mickey spoke up.
"I loved playing in the mud as a kid. You're speaking to the owner of a mud pie factory."
"And look where you still ended up, CEO," X-Ray said, earning laughs from Squid, Armpit, and Zigzag. "Down here at the bottom of the barrel like the rest of us. Hoping for some rain."
"Maybe we could build an ark," Armpit said. "And we can get two of each animals."
"Yeah, two scorpions, two rattlesnakes, two yellow-spotted lizards…"
Mickey's stomach clenched at the thought. She hadn't seen any yellow-spotted lizards yet but knew it was only a matter of time. Scorpions and spiders she's run into so far and she's heard the rattle of a rattlesnake; those alone were enough to make her check her sleeping bag every night before she went to lie on it or went to sleep. But at least she could survive being bitten by those. Being bitten by a yellow-spotted lizard? She may as well go lie in the hammock; there's nothing else could do to her anymore.
"Whatchu got there, Caveman?" Magnet's voice carried across their dig site, easily earning their attention. He was the only one to get out of his hole and approach Caveman. It wasn't until Caveman called for X-Ray that they wanted to get a closer look.
Mickey glanced between the object in Caveman's hand to her hole. Curiosity clawed at her, trying to get a hold of her muscles but she clenched her jaw and stayed put. What if it was nothing again? She'd only get her hopes up over nothing. She didn't need the false hope. Not yet. Besides, it could be another rock or…or a really shiny stick.
She squinted at the object as the boys passed it around, comparing it to a shotgun shell or something of the like. Her eyebrows furrowed. It looked familiar but she couldn't put her finger on it. On one hand it looked like a folded, solid arrowhead but she knew that wasn't plausible. It also resembled some sort of gold syringe but she didn't believe that was possible either. She squinted and leaned forward, peering at it. An idea landed in her head but…no, that couldn't be it. But maybe…
She licked her lips and opened her mouth, a suggestion ready on her tongue. "Maybe it's—"
"I'll just show it to Mom," X-Ray cut in, curling his fist around the tube. "Maybe I'll get the rest of the day off."
Indignation surged through Mickey's body, like a white hot cresting wave. She curled her fingers around the shaft of her shovel, feeling pain rise in her knuckles but still, she kept quiet. X-Ray was doing Caveman wrong, surely they all knew that. She could only watch as Caveman tried to stick up for himself just for X-Ray, flanked by Squid and Armpit, stared him down into compliance. She bit her lip as a forceful twinge shocked her core.
Someone may as well have held a mirror up in her face; watching Caveman was like being pulled out of her body and watching herself. X-Ray wasn't the biggest in the camp, nor was Squid, and yet they had a big enough presence to boss anyone around. X-Ray was talk, mostly, but he was clever and those were the sort of people to look out for. If they put their minds to it, they could do anything. Having Squid and Armpit as his right and left hand was just a back up measure. And still as she watched Caveman she felt as if she were watching herself: shrinking beneath their gaze, correcting and twisting himself to fit their mold, putting their needs first to survive beneath their regime.
She stomped on the end of her shovel, pushing the blade further into the dirt.
"Mommy, why can't I cut my hair?"
"Because, sweetie, long hair is for girls."
"But I don't want long hair. The boys in my class keep pulling it."
"Tell them to keep their hands to themselves."
"I do. But they keep pulling it anyway."
"That's because they secretly like you."
"Huh?"
"Boys pick on girls like that because they secretly like them. It's to get your attention. No harm."
"But I don't like them doing it."
"They're not hurting you."
"But Mommy—"
"Mickey, girls can't have long hair. They look weird when it's short. And you don't want to be weird, right?"
"…No, Mommy."
"You want to be Mommy's princess, right?"
"…Right."
She stomped on the end of her shovel, pushing the blade further into the dirt.
All she wanted to do was keep everyone happy, why was that so hard? She carefully lifted and dumped her dirt aside. She sniffed. Were you ever included in everybody? She brushed her sleeve across her face and tried to shake away the loud thought that shot through her mind. She already knew the answer.
She stomped on the end of her shovel, pushing the blade further into the dirt.
Her parents were always more important; keeping her father happy stopped him from being grumpy when he came back from his time on the road and keeping her mother happy stopped her from picking a fight with her father or turning her frustrations to Alan. Alan was more important; keeping him happy stopped him from getting into trouble. Alexis was more important; keeping her happy stopped her from turning her vicious words and sharp tongue onto Mickey.
She stomped on the end of her shovel, pushing the blade further into the dirt.
But she'd never been important, not to anyone else, not even to herself. She'd never been put first, no matter what her mother liked to claim. The lavish parties, the shiny toys, the new dresses, the new shoes, all were mere paintbrushes manipulated by her mother to aid in presenting a picture perfect family: a family where they always got along, where their voices were heard, where fingers weren't pointed and the truth swept under a rug.
Mickey peered off into the distance. The line of the horizon shimmered and shook as heat lifted off the racked lake bed. As far as she could see vast emptiness stared back at her. Mountains scraped against the hazy sky. There were no fences around Camp Green Lake. There were no guard towers. There were no K9 units, no helicopters, no alarms, and no spotlights. If anyone wanted to run, they could run until their legs gave out.
She dug her shovel into the dirt.
She was tired of running being her only option.
# # #
Energy crackled within the Wreck Room, like an impending storm. Something was going to happen; they could all feel it. Nervous energy bounced from tent group to tent group. People glanced over their shoulders, stared suspiciously at each other, and looked ready to jump over their tables and start something. It unsettled Mickey so she chose to sit with Zigzag as he watched TV rather than play cards with Eagle when he asked. People tended not to bother Zigzag and she didn't want to be bothered. He didn't look at her when she sat down, his eyes stayed glued to the blank screen. Every now and then she'd try and imagine one of her favorite shows playing on the screen—Orange is the New Black or RuPaul's Drag Race—but she couldn't get immersed like Zigzag could. Sometimes she envied his ability to escape.
She didn't notice Easy until he laughed obnoxiously loud. She glanced up from her book to see him stretched out on the floor next to Zigzag, his arms holding his weight behind him. His name was Eric Zornlitch, they called him Easy for short. (If that was her name she'd go by Easy too.) He had a shit-eating grin on his face and every now and then he'd glanced back at the other members of E-Tent and wiggle his eyebrows.
Mickey glanced around the room and noticed everyone had turned to look in their direction. No, not hers. For the first time in a while they weren't looking at her, they were looking at Zigzag and Easy. D-Tent stood around the pool table, muttering something to each other every now and then but they stayed put. They didn't get involved unless necessary.
Easy looked back at his tent and then turned the knob on the TV. E-Tent snickered and punched each other on the arms. Zigzag immediately turned the knob back while muttering, "I was watching that."
"So?" Easy turned the knob back.
Zigzag changed it again. "I was here first."
"But I've seen this show before."
"I haven't."
Mickey almost snorted aloud. Zigzag could recite entire episodes of the Golden Girls to them from top to bottom, opening and closing credit order included. Not that they ever asked him to. She wasn't sure there was such a show that he hadn't seen before.
The other tents started to get in on the action, yelling that Zigzag was always hogging the TV and that he was there first so he could watch whatever he wanted. The noise in the Wreck Room got louder. Mickey's eyes darted around the room. People started to close in on them. Her heart rate quickened and her breathing grew shallow. She wished they take a few steps back.
"Wait until the show's over," Zigzag said in a dangerously quiet voice, his hand clamped tightly on top of Easy's.
More shouting erupted in the Wreck Room. Mickey's eyes moved in a more frantic manner as she looked for an escape. But the other campers had moved in closer, their legs resembling thickets of trees looming all around her. Boxing her in, squeezing the air out of her.
"Wait, Brett…I can't breathe."
"It's okay. Just relax, Mason."
"I can't breathe. I can't breathe."
"Why don't you just wait until commercial?" was the last thing she heard X-Ray say. She jumped to her feet and pushed her way through the crowd. She stumbled when her large boot caught the leg of another camper's jumpsuit but she pushed through. By the time she managed to stumble down the steps she was nearly choking on the hot, dry air. Tears hung in the corners of her eyes and her breaths came out as a squeaking wheeze. She clamped her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut as she paced on the empty grounds, willing her memories away.
"Mickey. Mickey, hey! Are you okay?"
She felt a tug on her shoulder and she struck out, slapping at anything she could reach. "Don't touch me! Keep your hands off me!"
"Whoa! Sorry!" Eagle said, throwing his hands up into the air. His green eyes widened and he took a step back. "I just saw you rush out. I wanted to check on you. I forgot about the 'no touching' rule. Sorry." His words were faint but they still managed to filter in through the loud sounds of her rapid breathing. "Here—have some water." He ducked his head to lift his canteen off and held it out to her. She grasped it with a shaking hand.
"You look thirsty—here, have some."
"What is it?"
"It's nothing. Some punch. Drink it, it's good."
"…No, I don't think so. Brett, I'm just here to find Alan."
"Have this first and then we'll find him. Look, I'll even have one with you. See? It's not bad at all. You'll like it, I'm sure. Just take a sip"
"Well…okay. Just a sip. And then you'll help me find Alan?"
"I promise."
"No!" Mickey slapped the canteen out of his hand. The two watched as it flew sideways through the air and landed on the dirt with a thud. A splotch of water smacked against the ground before it was gobbled up by the parched dirt. "I-I mean…no. I'm sorry. Just…leave me alone."
She turned on her heel and raced back to D-Tent. By the time she made it back her fingers were buried so deep in her hair that she could have pulled fistfuls out. Her chest tightened, it felt as if someone with a heavy boot was stepping on her. The walls pressed in on her and no matter how many times she grabbed her sleeping bag to ground herself or quietly sang "Doe a deer" she couldn't bring herself out of it.
"Are you okay?" She didn't notice Zero on his cot. She didn't notice Zero a lot, he moved quickly and quietly and did his own thing. She hadn't even been aware he was capable of speech until that very moment. He sat up and peered at her. His gaze, like his eyes, was soft.
"I'm-I'm fine," Mickey stuttered, gasping for breath. "I'm fine."
But she wasn't fine. She'd never be fine, she realized. 'Fine' was a bandaid for a bullet wound; it covered up the wound but help the destroyed soul underneath. She'd wanted normalcy so bad after that party, wanted to pretend that nothing happened so she slapped a smile on her face and kept it moving. And even when she had to break the news to her family, to explain her assault charge, she only gave the bare minimum of information needed, sealing the rest inside to fester. Her mother's open arms weren't inviting and safe, they were cold and prickly and repelled more than welcomed her. Talking to her, talking to anyone was out of the question. Even when she felt as if she were falling apart at the seams.
She forced herself to take deep breaths in an effort to calm down. She brushed her hands against her eyes, cringing at the sting from the tears and perhaps the excess dirt that still clung to her fingers. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to squash the rising levels of panic inside of her. You're okay, nothing's happening to you, you're out here, you're safe. Safe. How was it possible to feel safe in the middle of the desert, surrounded by harmful wildlife, harmful sunrays and harmful people?
Because he's not here.
She lowered her shoulders and forced out a long, slow breath. Her eyelids fluttered open and she recoiled in surprise when she saw a beat-up stuffed giraffe hovering in her face. She blinked up at Zero, briefly locking eyes with him as he lifted the giraffe, motioning for her to take it. She hesitantly brushed her fingers against its matted hair and then grabbed onto it. As soon as Zero let go she held it close to her chest, squeezing tight. The harder she squeezed the more stress oozed out of her, like she was a filled balloon that had been pinpricked allowing air to escape.
Her shoulders sagged and the pressure on her chest eased. It'd been a long time since she felt that at peace, that relaxed. When she felt like she was finally able to breathe properly she whispered "Thank you" to Zero and gave the giraffe back. He didn't say a word as he took it and put it back into his crate, stuffing it behind a few of his other things. She pushed a hand through her hair and swallowed the lump that solidified in her throat. "Zero." He stopped by the tent flaps and looked at her. "Thank you. For not…making a big deal. And for helping me. I really appreciate it."
He shrugged—his quiet way to say "you're welcome" she guessed—and left the tent. She flopped back on her sleeping bag and held her pillow over her face. Her little cocoon of peace was shattered only moments later when D-Tent came back, laughing and talking loud about something that was muffled through the fabric.
"Hey Mouse! You missed it!" Squid laughed while simultaneously kicking her boot. She removed the pillow and looked up to see Squid snickering. "Zigzag put Easy down, man!"
"What happened?" Mickey asked, sitting up.
"He kept trying to turn the TV, right? And Zig wasn't havin' it," Armpit replied, a large grin on his face. "He held on so hard to keep Easy from changing the channel, the entire knob was imprinted in his hand! You can even see the little numbers!"
"Yeah, man, no one messes with our Zig," X-Ray said, laughing. He patted Zigzag on the back as he passed by and flopped down on his cot. From Mickey's vantage point she could only see the top of his wild blond hair and part of his face. His expression remained blank, as it was sometimes, while he read the old TV guide he held onto.
Lowering her voice Mickey asked, "Why does her read that all the time?"
"Who knows? He's crazy," Magnet said with a shrug of finality. As if that sentence alone were to explain Zigzag in his entirety. "Anyway, we're going to play some ball. Want to come?"
She did a double-take, blinking rapidly as he stared down at her. This was the first time they'd actually invited her to do something with them. It hit her like she'd been smacked in the face. Also she wondered how they it was possible to play if they didn't have the proper equipment. "Um…thanks but no. I have to start dinner."
Magnet shrugged. "Next time then. Maybe you can show us your arm. See if you're as good as Squid says you are."
"Shut up, Magnet," Squid grunted, shooting glares at him as he shoved him back out of the tent. X-Ray and Armpit followed after him. Zigzag rolled off his bed, stared at Mickey for a few moments, and then he, too, left the tent.
Mickey rubbed her face. These boys…she couldn't keep up with them. Trying to understand them only gave her a headache, of which she didn't want to suffer through the next…however long her sentence was. She just needed to focus on one day at a time, starting with dinner.
# # #
"Ugh, I'm getting tired of beans," Magnet groaned, dropping his spoon down on his nearly empty tray. Dinner was on its last legs, the campers were picking at their food as they talked and joked around with each other. E-Tent kept glaring in their direction but Zigzag either didn't notice or didn't care and happily ate his lemon jello.
"The rest of us are too," Squid replied, waving his hand in front of his face. "You're very vocal at night, man."
"Which is rich coming from you, Trigger Happy." Mickey bit her lip to keep from laughing out loud with the rest of her tent. Even Zero cracked a smile at Squid's expense. He looked across the table at Mickey and continued, "Seriously, Ratón, can we get anything else for dinner? Like…anything else?"
Mickey pursed her lips. "Sure thing, Magnet, I'll just whip up a five star dinner out of cheese, onions, and bologna." She poked at her own food and pushed the tray away. "I don't have any say in what we eat. I just have to help make it edible."
"You're not really helping much there," Squid grumbled, making a face down at his tray.
She threw down her spoon and crossed her arms. "Okay, let's see you in the kitchen then, Betty Crocker."
Armpit and X-Ray hooted. "Yeah, Squid. Go and put on your frilly little apron and make us something," X-Ray goaded.
"How 'bout I make you a knuckle sandwich?" Squid shot back.
"I think I'll stick with this," X-Ray replied, lifting and dropping the green slop that had come out of a can labeled 'leaf spinach'. "It has a lesser chance of killing me. And, as we all know, I need to see another day." He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hands together.
"Quiet, man, the Warden might hear you," Magnet hissed.
"Relax, relax. It's cool. I'm just sayin'." X-Ray chuckled and took a sip of his water. Mickey didn't know how he could due to how wide his grin became.
Caveman didn't say anything. In fact he was oddly quiet all dinner. She didn't blame him. She'd be annoyed too if X-Ray made her give up something she found just for a day off. In fact she felt her own nerves being rubbed the more X-Ray indirectly gloated.
Mickey stared down at her food once more and finally conceded, pushing her tray away. Her fingertips had barely left the hard plastic before Zigzag reached out and grabbed her untouched jello. Which was silly because she would have given it to him anyway if he asked; she didn't like lemon jello.
She rinsed off her tray and left it in the designated stacking area by the door and headed back to the tent. She could wait a little bit for the boys to finish dinner so she could hop into the shower. She had it down to almost a science by now to shower without prying eyes. She still tended to sponge-bath herself rather than properly bathe but that was because it took longer to wash her hair than it did the rest of her body and she needed all the extra time to get the shampoo out.
Once back in the tent she knelt by her open crate and stuck her arm in past her rucksack for her book. She had just gotten to her favorite chapter in Harry Potter and she wanted to get it finished before her tent came back and made noise up until sleep took hold of them, which could take hours past lights out some days.
Her eyebrows furrowed when her fingers brushed against the back of her crate. Huh? She yanked out of her rucksack and flopped on her stomach to look inside. Nothing stared back at her, absolutely nothing. She felt a lurch of panic in her stomach and began digging through her bag. Not there. She then turned and slapped around her sleeping bag, sometimes she fell asleep reading and would find it shoved at the bottom of it. Not there either. "No, no, no, no, no," she muttered. To double check, she yanked the zipper down along the track and opened her sleeping bag all the way. She growled beneath her breath and placed her hands on her hips. Think, think. Where was the last place you had it? She squeezed her eyes shut.
The Wreck Room! Mickey sighed. In her rush to leave she did vaguely remember she didn't have her book. She left the tent and quickly headed across the camp to the Wreck Room. Once inside, she immediately stepped around the few raised seats off the floor and looked around by the broken TV. She frowned. The floor was empty. She turned and dropped to her knees by the couch, reaching her arm beneath it. She made a face when her fingers brushed past dirt and dust bunnies but then she brushed against something hard. Bingo!
With a little laugh of triumph, she pulled her book from beneath the couch and brushed off the dirt smudged into the cover. But as she turned around to go back to her tent her smile slipped off her face. 'Matthew' stood by the door flanked on either side by a few other campers. She recognized Thlump and Easy, the others she didn't know and she had a feeling she didn't care to.
"You and your tent have been causing a loooot of trouble," 'Matthew' stated as he drummed his fingers on his crossed arms. Mickey pressed her lips together in an effort to keep her shaking breath from being heard in the still air. "First with Thlump, then with me, and then with Easy." He paused, as if waiting for her to say something but she didn't try. Nothing would come out even if she wanted it to. He smirked and took a step forward. "So, we've all come to an agreement."
"Well…well, I wouldn't really say 'we'…right? 'Cause…'cause 'we's' collective and…and I get the feeling I'm not included in that 'we'," Mickey rambled. It sounded as if the voice wa coming from someone else but her, like it was detached from her body. 'Matthew' only smirked and took another step closer.
"Oh, so you're not that stupid." 'Matthew' slowly nodded. "That's good to know. So, you'll also know that around here…we don't snitch. And snitches…well, they get what's coming to them."
She made a valiant effort; she threw her book at the closest person and tried to run around them, putting other pieces of furniture between herself and them but they were bigger and they were faster and their limbs were longer. Someone wrapped their arm around her neck and squeezed, successfully cutting off her air. She gasped and her fingers flew up to her neck in an effort to dislodge the arm holding her tight. Another one grabbed her legs and next thing she knew she was airborne, slamming down hard on the bench of the weight area. The arm was removed from her neck only for it to be replaced by the barbell being held down by Easy and Thlump. The two other campers held her flailing legs down and 'Matthew' stood by her head, watching. The heavy weight pressed against her throat, making her cough and gag. No matter how hard she tried to push it away Thlump and Easy held on tighter.
"Hurry up, Bull," Easy directed towards 'Matthew'. "Before her tent comes around for her."
Bull didn't reply. He crouched until his face was next to Mickey's. She could feel his hot breath on her cheek. She tried to jerk her head away but the skin on her neck chaffed against the rough material of the barbell. He grabbed her chin between his forefinger and thumb and licked her cheek from her chin all the way up to her eye. Her stomach turned, feeling his wet, hot, slick saliva leaving a trail on her cheek. She opened her mouth, ready to scream, when he clamped his hand hard over her mouth, barely leaving room for her heavy breathing through her nose.
"So. Here's the deal. We heard there's a rumor going around that you're secretly a dude," Bull stated. Mickey gasped. She'd made a joke about being a guy when she first got there but...no. Certainly they didn't think... "A very girly, wimpy dude but a dude. So, we figure it's in our best interest to check. Just in case you're one of those halfer freaks." Mickey's screams of protest were muffled against Bull's hand and her efforts to push and kick the other boys away were all in vain. They held her down easily. She felt her eyes itch and sting, knowing that tears were coming and did her best to keep them away. No matter what, she would not let them see her cry. Bull grabbed at her chest and cracked a grin when Mickey made muffled sounds against his mouth again. "Well, those seem to be real. Now, let's check a little further south."
Mickey kicked her legs as hard as she could but the two other boys held her down tight. The barbell pushed down tighter on her throat, she coughed and choked and felt all her energy slowly leak out of her. Her arms and legs felt like lead and a weight of dread settled down on her. No, no, please no. Not again!
"What are you doing?"
"Ssssh. Just relax. This will be fun."
"Please…I just want to go home."
"In a minute. See? You're enjoying this."
Silence. And then…
"What…what the fuck!?" With a forceful yank the barbell lifted off her throat, the hands holding her down were removed and she curled into a ball, gasping for air. She rolled off the bench and landed hard on the ground on her side, coughing hard. Through her bleary eyes she saw Bull looked down at her in disgust, holding up his shiny hand. "The fucking bitch pissed on me!" He shook his hand and pulled a face as he rubbed his hand against the leg of his jumpsuit.
"That's foul, man," Thlump muttered from somewhere above her. "She's fucking crazy."
"C'mon…let's go. Leave her in her own filth." Bull audibly drew up the saliva in his mouth and a moment later Mickey felt it land on her face.
"Pass that onto Zigzag for me," Easy laughed. The other boys guffawed and shuffled to the door. When the door to the Wreck Room slammed shut against the doorframe Mickey heard something snap in her head. But she didn't move, she lay still curled up in a ball and watched as the shadows in the room stretched as the sun set. The sound of laughter and clomping shoes faded as the other campers moved around the compound and still she didn't move. Only when she heard the short, crisp blasts of Mr. Sir's gun going off did she finally get to her feet. Her head felt heavy and her body felt as if it were filled with lead. She grabbed her forgotten book and shuffled to the door. Lifting her legs to descend the stairs felt as if it took all the energy she had but still she shuffled across the dirt.
She hard Mr. Sir yelling at her for being out so late or something, his voice was distorted due to the rushing of blood in her ears. She muttered a half-hearted "Sorry, Mr. Sir", at least she tried to. She wasn't sure she succeeded.
The water from the showers was still warm but not warm enough to keep her from shivering. She needed it hotter, much hotter to rid herself of the lingering feeling of their hands on her body and Bull's tongue against her cheek. Instead she could only watch as dirty water swirled around her feet and slipped beneath the walls of the shower. The tears she held back mixed in with the shower water and slipped down her cheeks; no one would have known the difference. The water shut off without a loud chung followed by a rattling of the pipes but still, Mickey trembled. The fear that used to cause tremors slid down into the dirt with the soap and dirty water. She didn't look back as she left it behind.
The Mess Hall was still and a little eerie in its low lights, still she managed to find her way into the kitchen without the help. She dragged her finger against the work counter-tops, letting it trail behind her as her eyes searched for the utensil she needed. She spotted it in the sink and a corner of her mouth briefly curled up. Bingo.
She pulled the knife out of the sink and dried the blade with the hem of her slightly dirty shirt. It glistened beneath the low fluorescents in the room as she turned it this way and that, catching her reflection. Her blank, empty, dull-eyed reflection. She wrapped her fingers around the handle and held it in a tight grip. She grasped her hair that hung by her chest and pulled it out. She lifted the knife up to her hair, held it at an angle and, with a few quick downward strokes, held the newly separated hair in her hands. Her chest heaved as she let go, the strands slipping through her fingers and landed in a small pile on the floor. She grabbed another chunk of her hair and another and another and another, rubbing the knife against the strands until they came off in her hand and she promptly dropped them on the floor.
Only when her hair dusted her shoulders did she finally set the knife down. She finger her shorter, albeit uneven locks and, slowly but surely, a smile came to her face and, for the first time in a long while, felt it easier to breathe.
Mickey gathered her work clothes and book, briefly went into the pantry to confiscate a few items—they weren't going to miss a few treats—and went back to her tent. She climbed the short steps and entered right as Pendanski finished up some sort of lecture. "Now, I don't want to have to hear anything else about it. Clear?"
"Yeah, sure, Mom," the boys replied at different times.
He turned around and stepped out of the way as Mickey entered the tent, his wide smile fading slightly when she stared back at him. "Well, it's about time! I was about to send out a search party!" She didn't say anything. She moved past him to get to her sleeping bag. "Where were you? It's almost lights out."
"Reading," she replied, holding up her book for evidence.
Pendanski's eyes narrowed. "What happened to your hair?"
"Cut it." Mickey sat down and laid her book in her lap. She looked up and raised her eyebrows at Pendanski, waiting for him to say something. All around her the boys exchanged glances and remained silent. Pendanski looked as if he were about to say something, he even opened his mouth, but he closed it, nodded his head, and left the tent. Silence stretched on in the tent until she finally asked a forceful "What?" when no one said anything.
X-Ray chuckled. "So the church mouse has some bite, huh?"
Above her the springs on Squid's cot creaked and groaned as he flopped on his stomach and looked down at her over the rim. His mouth quirked up in the corner into a half smirk. "'Bout time," he said.
a/n: And here we have reached the end of part one! Mickey finally reached her breaking point and now she's ready to raise her voice and fight back! Next chapter starts part two of the story and we'll get more into Squid's head; into his reaction/how he felt when Mickey first arrived at Camp Green Lake and how he feels about her now. Of course there will be more flashbacks to his past and the demise of his friendship with Mickey. There will also be more scenes of Mickey and the other boys of D-Tent too. While you're here, I put up a new Holes fanfic; it's a high school AU centered around Zigzag called Shattered so if you could please check that out I'd greatly appreciate it. Please read and review!
Review Replies
ThornNB: Thanks so much for your kind words, I'm glad you enjoyed last chapter! I hope this one lives up to your expectations. Thanks for the review!
LittleBlueSweater: I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying Squid's and Mickey's story. I was worried that once people saw that this a Squid-based story that they'd check out since there are so many of them in this fandom. Thanks for coming back to review and sticking with me! Part two will dig deeper into their background while simultaneously picking it apart in the present that I hope you enjoy. I had just re-read Small Steps (and the Survival Guide) and I realized that he was probably a conman of sorts at camp too which is how he became the leader so I had to throw that in; plus, he's one of the few D-Tent characters that I feel don't get a lot of "screen time" let's say when it comes to his personality, which is a shame. Thanks for the review!
Guest: Thank you so much! When I came back to this fandom I knew there was a chance that this story would be looked over because of the ever so rampant "girl at greenlake" theme so I tried hard to make it have a bit more of a twist while simultaneously talking about some problems that people face nowadays that could be exacerbated within the camp system. I hope you continue to stick around!
~C.M.