Chapter 16

"Well—you weren't complete shit that time. Almost had it. Just don't touch the gas when I tell you to brake," Alan had said after he regained his bearings. His fingers curled tight around the handle attached to the ceiling and his heart thudded in his chest but he still managed a laugh after the distressing display of failure.

"My foot slipped!" Mickey said. She glared down at the pedals beneath her feet. "The pedals are slippery!"

"The pedals are fine. I managed to come and get you, didn't I?" he replied.

"Right." Mickey looked over at him. The strap of the seatbelt pressed against her neck. He rolled his eyes, leaned across the center console, and adjusted it for her. "Speaking of which, how'd you get this truck?"

"Why?" Alan leaned back in his seat and studied her. She licked her lips. He spotted the expression on her face and heaved a sigh. "I didn't steal it if that's what you're thinkin'."

"I wasn't thinkin' that," Mickeys said. Liar. "I just know you don't own one."

His upper lip curled a fraction of a second and then fell back into place. "Does it matter?"

"Alan!"

"Geeze, Mickey. Relax. Someone owed me a favor, aight?"

"What kind of favor?"

"Just a normal favor. Forget it," Alan said. He stared out the front windshield of the truck, surveying the empty commuter lot. He figured they had maybe an hour, an hour-and-a-half left to get driving practice in before the cops were called around for "suspicious" teenagers loitering about. Cops that Mickey's mother probably called on him for taking her daughter away without her permission or some other excuse she could come up with. "Okay, try again." He leaned back against his seat and got comfortable. He adjusted his grip on the ceiling handle. "This time actually push the right pedals."

"Shut up." Mickey turned the keys in the ignition. The truck sputtered a few times before it turned over and roared to life, its headlights flickering in the twilight. She set her foot on the gas pedal and the truck steadily drove between the rows of semi-full parking spaces. Alan's gaze continuously shifted between the front windshield and the side of Mickey's tense face as she turned the wheel this way and that, slowly drifting from one side of the row to another; getting close to one car, correcting herself, getting closer to another, correcting, and repeating. He pulled his lips inward to keep from laughing.

"Okay, you're doin' fine. Just drive straight."

"I am!"

"No you aint. You keep turnin' the wheel. Drive straight."

"I. Am."

"Look out!"

Alan was thrown forward when the truck stopped on a dime. The sound of screeching tires was lost beneath Mickey's sudden scream. His forehead stopped a few inches away from the dashboard and then he was thrown backward against the seat. His eyes, once wide due to the sudden stop, closed as a hearty burst of laughter took over his body. He slapped his knee and wiped tears from his eyes. "Oh my god! That was great!" His words stuttered due to his laughter.

"Alan, you jerk!" Mickey screamed. She reached out to slap at him but the seatbelt locked her in place. Her face, redder than he'd ever seen it, scrunched up in her efforts to fight against the webbing that secured her. The sight only made him laugh harder. She gave up and slumped in her seat. "God! Why'd you do that?"

"I wanted to make sure you were alert."

"I thought you saw something! I thought I was going to run something over you…you…asshole!"

"What are you going to run over in an empty parking lot?" He managed to ask between his wheezing gasps for air.

"It's not completely empty!" she said, motioning to the cars behind them. She all but slammed her palm against the gear shift, lifting it until it was in park and she took her foot off the break. "That was mean."

"I told you, I was just making sure you're alert. You need to be ready for the driving test."

"I highly doubt the driving instructor is going to test me like that!" she huffed, her light accent becoming thicker the angrier she became. "And besides, it's not for another year so I have time to get an actual teacher."

"Oh, that cut deep." He didn't bother to hide the sarcasm that dripped from his words; they were making a puddle in his lap anyway. "You know what your problem is? You're too uptight."

"I am not uptight!"

He grunted. "Yeah y'are. You could keep a stick up between your ass cheeks with little help."

"Driving is a serious thing! I don't wanna run over someone!"

"Some people around here deserve it. Wouldn't be too much'a loss." He settled against the passenger door, catching the disapproving look she threw his way in the reflection of his window. "I'm sorry I scared you," he grumbled. "Just keep going. Head to the end and make a turn, whichever way you want. Just remember to put on your turn signal."

Mickey sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She put the car back into gear and they slowly rolled to the end of the lot and she did as she was told, choosing to turn left. The truck shook and squeaked as it rolled up and down the parking lot.

The light of the day steadily faded as they went one way and then the other, turning this way and that, speeding up and slowing down. By the time the daylight faded completely, the last smidgens of sunlight slipping beneath the horizon line, they had stopped in the corner of the parking lot. The truck hummed as it sat idle, its two occupants sitting comfortably in their seats as they peered out into the darkness. The only other noise in the truck was the soft music pouring out of the speakers.

"Thanks," Mickey spoke up.

"For what?" Alan asked.

"For showing up and taking me out to learn to drive."

"You've been going on about it all summer."

She rolled her eyes. "Only 'cause my mom won't let me try. She's acting like the minute I get my license I'm going to run away." She leaned forward, resting her arms on the steering wheel and her chin on her arms. "Not that I haven't thought of it," she mumbled.

"Yeah, Princess? Where would you go, then? If you could run away?" Alan asked.

"Somewhere in Europe I think," she replied. "Maybe Malta."

His nose wrinkled. "Is that even a real place?"

"Yeah, it's south of Italy. Like, way south. A small island. I could easily just let my mom think I'm on vacation in Italy, take a small flight, and then that's that. She'd never find me."

"Yeah right. She probably put a tracking chip in your skull the day you were born."

She laughed. He noted that it didn't reach her eyes as it always did and sounded hollow and more forced than what was normal. "I wouldn't put it past her, honestly," she said. "She controls everything else in the world."

"Speaking of which, how'd you manage to get out of the house? Doesn't she usually have you on lockdown whenever your dad's away?"

"So…every day you mean?" Even that got a laugh out of him. She leaned back in the driver's seat and her lips turned up in the corners. "And she can't have me on lockdown if she doesn't know where I am."

That made him sit up straight, his eyebrows hiking so high that they nearly disappeared beneath his overgrown hair. "Are you trying to tell me you snuck out?" She shrugged, the smile never leaving her face. "No fucking way did St. Mickey sneak out."

Her smile dropped and she grumbled. "Quit with that name! And I did! You suddenly showed up, what was I supposed to do? Stay home?"

"What are you going to do next? Rip the tag off a mattress? Jaywalk?" He gasped in a mocking manner, widening his eyes. "Or, even more dastardly…skip school?"

"I'm surprised you used dastardly right in a sentence let alone knowing what it meant."

"Ha ha. I read, you know."

"Comic books don't count."

"Why not? They have words and they're far more entertaining than the shit we have to read in school." He slowly shook his head. "Can't believe you snuck out."

"You would too if you had to deal with her."

"Christ, Mickey, why don't you just, I dunno, say something to her? Grow a back bone, it won't kill you."

She didn't reply right away. Instead she drummed her fingers against the steering wheel and clicked her tongue. He'd seen that routine many times; it was a way for her to stall as she filtered her words and opinions. She'd used it too many times on people who didn't deserve her courtesy. Himself included.

"You know what my mom always says to me?" She didn't wait for him to answer. "Make a ripple, not a wave."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm supposed to be seen and not heard. Not cause problems. Not speak until people want to hear me. Not get in the way. Not be a problem. Not be an inconvenience. Be obedient no matter what, that sort of thing. And…and it sounds crazy, trust me I know how stupid it is. I know how stupid I am. But here's the thing…when you hear something like that more often than you hear 'I love you' or 'I'm proud of you'…you start to accept any sort of attention directed at you."

He twisted his mouth to the side. Boy did he know that feeling. He'd worn grooves in the floor of his conscience with how many years he'd been stuck in that cycle, searching for any sort of acknowledgement that could be diverted from one of his mother's many boyfriends. Simultaneously hating and loving her mother was more exhausting than the frequent all-nighters he pulled just to keep up with school work. Even more exhausting than when his blood sugar ran too low. He picked at his nails. Who knew St. Mickey could relate?

"You're not stupid," he spoke.

"Yeah I am. What kind of idiot doesn't know how to say 'no'? Doesn't do what she wants? Doesn't get what she wants? Constantly rolls over to 'keep the peace'?"

"One who has a sucky mom."

She flashed a wry smile. "Is there any room in the club?"

He rubbed his chin. "I don't know. Membership fee's pretty steep."

"Oh yeah? What do I have to do to get in?"

"Get me some Snickers?"

"Way ahead of you." She reached back and grabbed her backpack from the second row of seats. She dug around inside and then removed the bag and tossed it onto his lap. "You didn't eat much today," she noted as he tore into a wrapper and bit half the bar off in one go.

"You can't eat a lot when you don't have many options," Alan replied after he swallowed. He pulled the rest of the candy bar out of the wrapper and shoved it into his mouth. A short sigh burst from his nose as he all but melted against the seat. Almost as an afterthought he mumbled around the candy, "And no, I don't want your help."

"I wasn't going to say anything this time."

"Yeah right." He swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He peered at her, his eyes scrunching in the corners as he looked her up and down. Even while sitting in a driver's seat she sat up straight and tall, picture perfect posture that she'd been scolded into over the years. A mere drop in the ocean of rules and regulations that had been put upon her. "You really snuck out?"

She rolled her eyes as a noise of frustration shot out of her throat. "Yes. Mom is at some club board meeting. She's going for a bid to become the next director of member relations and development." She frowned. "Is it really that hard to believe?"

"Do cows moo?"

"You know, this is your fault."

"My fault?" He wanted to be surprised but the realization of her mother actually thinking he dragged her out of the house was a very real possibility.

"Yeah, your fault. You're rubbing off on me."

"Good." He grinned. "Maybe then I'll actually like you."

She laughed. "You're a jerk."

"Yeah. But lucky for you, I don't hide it." He tossed away the wrapper. "I should probably take you back."

"Or not." Mickey adopted an innocent expression when Alan's head whipped around to look at her. "What? I'm already out and what my mom doesn't know won't kill her. Let's get Denny's or something."

"…Are you drunk?"

"Not right now. Why? Do you know someone throwing a party?"

"Whoa there, Speedy. Let's take your trip to the bad side one step at a time." Mickey grinned and moved to turn the keys in the ignition but he reached out and grabbed her, stopping her. "You don't have your license yet. I'm driving."

"Since when are you the responsible one?"

He eased his grip on her hand just slightly. "…Guess you're rubbing off on me, too."

# # #

"Now boys, we have come across an opportunity for the first time here at Camp Green Lake. An opportunity to really work together and unify and accomplish a common goal. That's what we're all about here at Camp Green Lake, accomplishing a common goal. And do you know what that goal is?"

Pendanski's question was met with silence, a few blank and bored stares, and complete indifference. X-Ray was the only one who didn't resemble a melted piece of plastic against the chairs that had been placed in a circle in the empty Mess Hall. His body was held up straight and his eyes sparkled as if he had taken a hit on something. Squid wanted to knock him off his chair. Especially when he started waving his hand around like a kid who knew the answer to a test.

"Yes, Rex?"

"To get the fuck out of here," X-Ray stated. His enthusiasm—an obnoxious mock of a hyper child—made a few of their tentmates utter a few chuckles. As if it took too much energy to properly utter a laugh.

"Well, yes…but in a…much less crass way next time, Rex," Pendanski said. His smile slipped for a second to scold X-Ray but then returned with a vengeance a second later. Squid wanted to push him off a chair too. If only he could lift his heavy arms and legs. "Everyone's goal is to get out of here. To be reformed and get assimilated back into society. I don't want to see any of you back here after you're released and I'm sure none of you want to come back here.

"But, in the meantime, we are all here and the only way we can make it out of here is if we work together. We are a group. We are a unit. We're only as strong as our parts and if we're going to get out of here, we have to be able to rely on one another and—yes, Jose?"

Magnet dropped his arm and peered at Pendanski through tired eyes. "…Is there a point to this? I kinda just want to go lie down."

If possible, Pendanski's smile got wider. Both sets of his teeth were on full display and he resembled a jack-o-lantern. "I'm glad you asked, Jose. As I said, we are only as strong as our parts. We need to be able to rely on one another and be there for each other. To reach that point we all need to be on the same page and have an understanding of one another. That is why I asked you all to bring your…what do you call them— lifelines? —with you. So we can get an understanding of why they're important to you and so we can get to know each other a little better."

Squid's jaw dropped. What kind of fresh hell was this? Pendanski had come up with a lot of stupid shit for them to do over the past couple of months but this had to take the cake. What did he want them to do next? Hold hands? Hug? Share their feelings? He'd rather stab himself in the eyeball with a rusty fork.

"Who wants to start?"

"I will," X-Ray said, flinging his arm in the air so fast Armpit had to duck to keep from being hit. Squid's eyebrow hiked. To say he was curious about X-Ray was an understatement but he wasn't going to come right out and ask him why he was so…annoying. He had a good position in X-Ray's circle; challenging that without a backup plan would be disastrous for him. He pressed his lips together and waited for X-Ray to reveal whatever it was what kept him tied to the "outside".

"What is that?" Zigzag asked, his shoulders shaking with a suppressed laugh. "A ball of dryer lint?"

"No, it's my teddy," X-Ray replied. He lifted his chin and looked Zigzag in the eye, as if silently daring him to say something else. Zigzag's face twitched, his eyelids fluttered a few times and then he settled back against the table behind him. X-Ray flashed a smile at him and then cleared his throat. "This is Randy. I've had him since I was a kid. My dad gave him to me before he died."

"You have parents? I thought you were an alien," Magnet said.

"Nah, that's Ziggy," Armpit spoke up. "Dropped him off in the middle of a cornfield."

"Like Superman?"

"Yeah, but without the cool powers."

"Or the intelligence," Squid muttered. He got a few punches to the arm for that. Out the corner of his eye he noticed the disapproving look Pendanski shot his way. He merely rolled the toothpick in his mouth to the other side. The soggy wood splintered between his teeth.

"Anyway, Randy's always been there for me. I keep him around 'cause he reminds me of my dad." X-Ray shrugged. "It's kinda like he's still here with me. Having Randy around makes me feel less, I don't know, alone."

Pendanski's loud clapping made them all jump. "That was very nice of you to share with us, Rex, very nice. I'm sorry to hear about your father but I think he would be proud of you for trying to turn your life around."

X-Ray smiled and put Randy back on the table behind him. Squid squinted at their leader. For all he knew the story held water but something about it smelled like shit. This was X-Ray they were talking about; half of what came out of his mouth wasn't exactly truthful. Plus, he wouldn't put it past X-Ray to suck up to Pendanski.

"Okay, who's next?"

No one else's story was as sappy as X-Ray's, whether that was due to being dead tired or not having any particularly interesting stories for their items. Caveman just had a picture of his parents to remind him of what he had left behind; Zigzag had his tv guide (which Armpit surmised came with him from the spaceship); Armpit had a baseball glove from his time on a little league team' Magnet had a scrap of a quilt that his great-grandmother made when she first emigrated to the United States; Zero just held onto a stuffed giraffe, staring at it rather than saying anything—not that they expected any different from him.

"And we are down to our last two. Alan, Mickey, who'd like to share first?"

Their eyes met across the empty Mess Hall. He squirmed beneath her gaze. It was the first time he'd even acknowledged her after reading the information on her file. After being bombed by her news. He couldn't be around her, couldn't think of her, couldn't look at her. He felt too much and he didn't know what to do with it; it bounced around within him, careening off his rib cage, punching his stomach, seizing his heart in a death grip. So he shut it down, tucked it away, and ignored it. It was the only way he survived outside of Camp Green Lake and it was the only way he would survive inside. Just one more year…

"I will." He blinked. Mouse's eyes had left his face and were directed down at the snow globe in her hands. He recognized it right away. She had a collection back home, a seemingly never-ending one. The more her father went on the road, the more snow globes he came back with. Personally, he didn't get the appeal; they were just domes with water and glitter inside. She twisted her mouth to the side as she rolled the snow globe around in her hand. He noted the display of Broadway show posters painted on the base. "My dad got this snow globe for me when he went to New York. He drives trucks so he's not home a lot and so he always brings back a snow globe for me."

"Well that's very nice of him," Pendanski said. He grinned and Mickey gave him an odd look out the corner of her eye. Squid didn't blame her; Pendanski looked like one of those creepy uncles people warned their children about. "Is there anything about it that's special to you?"

She gave a wry smile. "Yeah. That It's the first one he ever gave me. That it's from my dad. And my mom had nothing to do with it."

Squid bit down on his toothpick. He waited for the rest of her sentence to follow, the usual for once tacked onto the end but it didn't come. Neither did the roll of her eyes or the tugging on the hem of her shirt. It was weird. Different. In fact, she was different at dinner too.

She'd just finished serving them and had sat down at the end of the bench by Zigzag when X-Ray tried to take her piece of bread. He said something about deserving a reward for finding the object that caught the Warden's interest. His fingers had barely wrapped around her piece of bread when it happened. Her hand shot out and pinned X-Ray's hand to the table so hard that their cups, plates, and silverware rattled, effectively stopping all conversations D Tent was having.

"No." She curled her fingers around his wrist; they could see her hand shake and the strain in her arm from how hard she held onto him. X-Ray's eyes widened behind his perpetually dirt-smudged glasses; at least they appeared to. "It's mine. Get. Your hand. Off."

They all waited for some sort of reaction from X-Ray. No one dared to put their hand on him. Armpit's eyes bounced back and forth between, as if waiting for some sort of signal to figure out what to do. Squid's muscles had tensed, ready to jump in for his leader but then X-Ray smiled. Then he chuckled and lifted each finger off the piece of bread.

"…My bad," he said and sat back down. Armpit happily went back to eating his food. The rest of D-Tent slowly returned to their conversations, glancing at X-Ray every now and then but their leader didn't say anything. Beneath the table Squid slowly unclenched his fist. No one brought it up afterwards and, for the first time since Mouse had arrived, they left her alone when they hung around the tent, killing time before lights out. Before Pendanski called for them.

"That just leaves you then, Alan," Pendanski said.

Seriously? Squid glanced at the rubber octopus in his hands. He knew the others were curious about it. In fact, it was part of the reason he was bestowed with the nickname "Squid" in the first place. Well, it was mainly due to them not being able to tell the difference between a squid and an octopus until he corrected them after they had spotted the rubber octopus when he arrived. Throw in their discovery of his once held hope of becoming a marine biologist and the name stuck. But not once had he explained why he had the octopus in the first place. They didn't need to know and he still wasn't sure why he brought it with him. He could have just left it behind; if his father could do it without a second thought, surely he could too. Until he couldn't.

"It's just some dumb octopus that showed up one day," Squid commented, tossing it back and forth between his hands. He slumped in his seat and set the toy down on the table behind him. "Doesn't really mean anything to me. I just grabbed it with my stuff on my way out; didn't have much time before I was dragged out of the house."

That day seeped into his mind when he least expected it; when the nights were a bit too dark and his sleep danced out of his reach. His sentencing had been set, a year and a half at Camp Green Lake just for stealing people's change and soda cans. Trespassing was thrown onto the list and he was sure that was the only reason his sentencing was so high. Getting a year and a half for petty theft still had him scratching his head. It wasn't the worst crime in the world, it wasn't as if he murdered someone.

And yet he had the fuzz on his every move as he walked through his home, gathering what little things he had. Their beady eyes followed him like searchlights as he tried to decide what to take with him. He grabbed a pair of flipflops—the rubber soles started to separate but it was better than nothing—a well-worn notebook, and a few pens. He was under his bed, debating whether to try for his stash of cigarettes when his hand landed on something small and rubbery with a lot of legs. He pulled out the object and felt his stomach drop as he gazed at the rubber octopus.

His fingers flicked the worn, faded SeaWorld tag attached to the seam as he muddled over the toy. The choice was made for him when the police officers assigned to him burst into his room, yanked his hands behind his back, cuffed him, and then shoved him into the waiting police cruiser that took him to a commuter lot where a school bus was waiting to seal his fate. And so he spent the long bus ride staring at the damn toy, wondering how the person who gave it to him could be the same person who just packed up and left him like he didn't mean anything. Just like his mother. Just like Mickey. His father started the trend and yet…there was still a small part of him that wanted his father back. After all this time.

Squid's finger tapped rapidly against the table behind him as he felt Pendanski's eyes on him, silently urging him to say something else. He pushed a heavy breath out of his nose due to clenching his jaw. Couldn't they all just stop looking at him? He said all that he wanted to say on the matter, nothing else was going to get past him.

The bench shook when he abruptly stood. He muttered a quick, "This is so stupid" and left the Mess Hall. He knew he'd have Pendanski on his tail about it tomorrow, wanting to talk to him about how they all had to take turns contributing and being there for each other or some other crap he spewed. They may all be there together but they arrived alone and they would leave alone too. How many of them wrote Barfbag after he escaped? Exactly.

He hunkered down behind the Wreck Room after checking that no spiders or scorpions were hiding beneath the building, lying in wait for a victim. He wasn't afraid of them in any sense but he also wasn't keen on their surprise appearances. Though if one showed up he would have crushed it without a second thought. Anything to curb the rage that ebbed and flowed within him, syncing up with every breath he took.

Whatever Pendanski was trying to accomplish clearly didn't work. Not all of them came from happy little chunks of paradise and was looking forward to going back to it. Everyone else had options to return to. Squid, on the other hand, had a fat load of nothing. No future, no prospects, no family, no home, no friends. Sure, his street cred would probably go through the roof and his old gang would take him back in an instant but, like Camp Green Lake, it was every man for himself. It wasn't as if they were there to bail him out of jail when he was caught. They scattered like wind-blown leaves. At Camp Green Lake at least he had a distraction, until Pendanski forced it all back into his face.

Until she showed up again.

"Dammit!" Pain shot through the fist he used to strike the back wall of the Wreck Room. The impacted area throbbed with every hissing breath he took.

"Um…"

Great, no his own words were coming back to haunt him. Pushing a long, slow breath out of his nose he looked up and scowled when he saw that it was Caveman standing over him. Of all fucking people. "What?" he all but barked. Caveman flinched and then looked down at his hands. Squid then clocked in on the octopus nestled in Caveman's large hands and, if possible, his scowl deepened. "I don't need you checkin' on me."

"Pendanski—Mom insisted," Caveman replied. Of course he did. When Pendanski didn't care he was like a ghost, popping in every now and then just to make sure they weren't dead. He barely batted an eyelash about Barfbag. But when he did care, he was stuck to them like old gum on a shoe. He became more smothering than a blanket. "You forgot this."

"I didn't forget it." Caveman frowned. Was he really that much of a Neanderthal? Why couldn't he get it through his thick head? He wanted nothing to do with it. Squid huffed. "I told you, it's just a stupid toy."

"…It's still yours."

Caveman extended his hand. Squid didn't move to take it, instead he turned his attention to stare back out at the dry wasteland. Out the corner of his eye he saw Caveman step forward and set the toy down on the ground by him. Why was it that the damn thing could come back but his father couldn't?

"Are you okay?"

"Fuckin' peachy," Squid immediately replied. And even if he wasn't—not that he'd admit it—why in the world would he talk to Caveman about it? He rubbed his throbbing knuckles, accepting every burst of pain that seeped out beneath his fingers with every push against his skin.

"…If…you ever want to talk—"

"I don't." Because he wouldn't get it. Because he couldn't get it. And, really, there was nothing to talk about. His life sucked and there was nothing anyone could do to change it. That horse had been beaten teen feet into the ground by this point. And he didn't even have to dig a hole for it.

"Well…okay then." Caveman hesitated for a moment, hovering above Squid and then he turned and walked off. The sound of his scuffing boots fading into the dark was the reprieve that Squid had been looking for.

He drew his knees up to his chest and loosely wrapped his arms around them, taking a deep long breath. Funny how back home he would be alone all the time whereas here, despite being in an empty wasteland, he could barely get time alone. Hadn't life tortured him enough?

His eyes cast down to the toy left sitting by him on the dirt. It stared right back up at him with its beady black eyes. Squid knocked it over, turning its piercing gaze away from him. If he wanted to get rid of it, he realized, he had a plethora of holes to choose from. Toss it aside and never give it a second glance, just like his deadbeat father.

He clicked his tongue and, the next thing he knew, he was on his feet and heading out to walk the same stretch of dirt they walked every morning. Like men condemned to their deaths only instead of physically dying they had to stand by as their souls died little by little each day.

Barfbag wasn't the first who cracked under the pressure and he sure as hell wouldn't be the last. Purposely getting bitten by a rattlesnake is one thing, trying to asphyxiate themselves with the lining of their cots was another. And then there was a guy who stoked his bean allergy and then another who tried to bury himself alive.

It wasn't long before he found himself at the edge of a hole. Little clumps of loose dirt broke away from the edge and fell down into the hole. Squid glanced down, checking for rattlesnakes or lizards. All that stared back at him was thick, heavy darkness. Maybe this hole actually went all the way to China.

He sucked in a breath and extended his arm over the hole. Clutching the octopus by a few of its tentacles, he looked the toy over one last time. His lips formed a line as he loosened his grip and he waited for the damn thing to drop into the hole. A second passed. Five seconds. Ten. And yet his grip was steadfast. He couldn't let go. He just couldn't.

His hand shook. Pressure built within him. His eyes itched and his nose burned and his breath hitched in his throat. Why couldn't he let go? Why couldn't he let go? Blinking his tired, burning eyes allowed hot tears to break free and spill down his cheeks. His vision swayed and swam. His fingers dug into the tough material of the toy, easing the pain in his hand a little but not by much. It wasn't enough of a relief, not for the gaping, sucking hole in his chest that ached every time he looked at the stupid thing. Every time he looked in the mirror. Every time the memories came flooding back.

All the laughter, the hugs, the cuddles, being tucked in, being held, being rained with kisses, being loved. The octopus was the only thing he had from the last time they were happy. They last time they were a proper family. And maybe it did still carry along the reminder that the same man who gifted it to him left them but it also reminded him of who he didn't want to be. Who he couldn't be. He was nothing like his father, contrary to what his mother would scream in his face when she was particularly drunk, and he made sure of that. At least he stuck around.

Until you left Mickey high and dry.

His stomach seized, much like he had been punched. He may as well have been; his breath lodged and his lungs burned and his body ran cold. He licked his lips and forced a breath out. That wasn't the same…

Doesn't matter. You still left when she needed you.

A chill dripped from his head all the way down to his toes, as if a large bucket of water had been dumped over his head. He closed his eyes and thought back. Brett had gone on and on about how eager she was and claimed her sudden exit was due to not being able to handle it. He had a way of getting everyone on his side, it was why he was the captain of the baseball team and voted Homecoming King two years in a row and was the junior class president. What was he supposed to do?

Believe her. Like you want her to believe you.

His grip retightened on the toy as he thought back to the party, to the smug smile and overly casual tone Brett adopted when Mickey ran out of that room, to the haunted and faraway look embedded in her eyes when she actually lifted her head in school, to the jeers and the whispers and the rumors that floated in the halls, to the way she appeared much smaller than usual by hiding beneath hunched shoulders and baggy clothes, to his own venom-filled words that slipped out of his mouth with ease. To all the times he'd turned a blind eye; to all the times he was like his father.

His jaw ached due to how hard he clenched his teeth, his only relief coming when he finally spotted his target. His walk back from the holes gave him tunnel vision and he itched to relieve the building pressure within him.

"Hey Squid, what's that ya got there?" Bull yelled from where he, Thlump, and a few other members of B-Tent lounged around the entrance to their tent. He took a swig of something from a clear glass bottle in his hand and set it aside.

"Looks like a baby toy," one of the other B-Tent campers spoke up.

"Perfect for D-Tent. They're filled with a bunch of babies," another snickered.

"Don't I get to see it?" Bull continued, getting up from the front steps and approaching with a swagger to his walk. Squid hid his smile as Bull approached. "Remember what Pendanski preaches. 'Sharing is caring'." He made finger quotes around the word and laughed.

Squid glanced down at the toy in his hand. "You want to see it?"

"Yeah. I want to play with the toy too."

Squid's fingers twitched against the legs of the octopus beneath Bull's gaze. His eyes narrowed; rather than Bull standing in front of him all he could see was 5'2, 120lbs soaking wet Mickey Mason being held down and he saw his mother clawing at the hand crushing her windpipe in a smoke-filled room. Then he saw red.

Bull's fingers had barely touched the toy when Squid drew his hand back and punched him squarely in the sweet spot, right beneath his ribcage. The air rushed out of Bull in one long and loud wooosh as he doubled over, falling like a sack of potatoes while the previous throbbing pain Squid inflicted upon his hand returned.. Squid grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, yanking him upwards, and pressed his mouth against Bull's ear. His words came out as a threatening hiss.

"If you ever get near Mouse again with your shrimp dick…I'll castrate you, feed your balls to your tentmates, and then use your penis as a dildo in your asshole. Got it?"

Bull wheezed and Squid let him go, allowing him to tall into a heap again. He looked up to the stunned and angry expressions in B-Tent's faces, silently daring them to make a move. They stayed still. Smart decisions on their parts.

He picked up his abandoned toy, brushed the dirt off its tentacles, and headed back to D-Tent, stretching his aching fingers all the way. The skin on his knuckles repeatedly split with every extension of his fingers but it was a small price to pay when it came to drawing a line in the sand. It had to be deep and wide to separate himself from his father for good.

a/n - Well...it wasn't two months...it was three this time. Sorry about that folks, Squid is a complicated guy with a complicated brain to pick and getting the ending scene to this chapter took me a few tries to get it to where I liked it and where it felt and sounded like a Squid scenario. As much as he doesn't want to admit it, his father leaving has touched him deeper than he realized. Unfortunately, that affected the way he reacted to certain situations and people. The main casualties? His mother and his (ex)-best friend. But, due to Pendanski, he is very aware of how wrong he was when it came to handling Mickey's assault. How he rights it now is the question. Step one, beating up Bull.

I can't wait for you guys to see what I have in store for the next few chapters: shit's gonna hit the fan! B-Tent won't take the attack lying down and, of course, we still need to know how Squid and Mickey go from here (I promise there will be an actual conversation regarding their spilled truths and what happened that night), why she was marked as a boy, who took her ring and why, what the pills are for, and if Squid and Mickey will ever be friends again. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Please drop a review if you would be so kind and, my PM is open for any questions you have! Plus, if you'd like to follow me on twitter or tumblr, its cerulean musings for both; I changed my pen name!

Please read and review; I want to know what you think!

~Musings

Review replies

Ineedaname: Yyyep, anger can make your tongue and lips loose within a moment's notice. Plus, she had reached her breaking point with having the fact that people didn't believe her side of the story shoved in her face. Especially since it came from her ex-best friend in such a vicious manner. Why she had been listed as a boy is just as intriguing as why some people with lesser crimes were sent there in the first place, don't t you think? :)

LittleBlueSweater: Thank you so much for coming back and reading my fic! As I said, I have a story I want to tell with this one and, plus, Holes is my guilty pleasure. Having an excuse to constantly consume the source material brings me great joy. Every time I re-read it I notice something new and become enamored all over again. Thanks for saying that! I'm doing my absolute best to make sure the characters stay in character while going through this significant change that kind of can't be ignored (as Squid learns in this chapter). Thanks again for sticking around and, also, thanks for letting me talk your ear off! It's nice to have someone to talk about this fic and Holes in general with. :)

Guest: Thanks so much! I went into this knowing I wanted to add a girl but wanting her story to be different! Whereas romance is a big part of peoples lives I wanted to shift focus towards another important relationship in someone's life: friendship. Or, in this case, a broken one and how it may or may not be fixed while going through growing pains within a confined community. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

ThornNB: Her file having her listed as a boy is a question that will be answered super soon! In fact, all of your questions will be answered within the next couple of chapters to varying degrees. Sorry it took so long for you to get the email notification for this chapter, I hope the wait is worth it!

Guest x 2: Sorry for the wait! I hope this chapter helps!

M. H: This story won't end until it has come to it's proper end, I can promise you that. I hope the parts you didn't particularly like don't stop you from continuing to read this story. If it's anything in particular you'd like to share I do take constructive criticism; I can't get better without having a different view on ways my writing could be stronger. Thanks for taking the time to review!

Guest x 3: (They reviewed on chapter one but I know I'm not going to get a chapter up soon enough to reply in a timely manner so I'll answer here.) I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic or serious but I'm going to answer as if you were serious. I think for the most part people pick Squid just because, based off the movie, his actor is considered attractive so that plays up the whole "girls want bad boys" sort of thing. For me specifically, however, I chose Squid to be the star of this story simply because I feel between the movie, and all three Holes related books, he was the least expanded on character and he has the most interesting backstory. I wanted to take a stab at making him a more well-rounded character.