Chapter 23

"Okay, so what's the plan?" Armpit asked the question that sat on their minds. It was hours past lights-out, but D-Tent remained awake. Squid due to his now common bouts of insomnia, the rest of D-Tent due to their rage at their home being invaded by "outsiders".

"We can raid their tent," Zigzag said. "Get them when they least expect it." He grabbed his pillow and started punching it, as if imagining it was someone's face.

"We can swap their deodorants with cheese," Armpit said. At the following laughter he rolled his eyes. "My brother and sister did it to me once. I didn't trust them after that."

"So that's your excuse, huh?" Magnet asked, waving his hand in front of his face. Armpit threw his pillow at him. Magnet batted it out of the way.

"I'm just saying, it works."

"We could put toothpaste in their boots," Magnet said.

"I really don't—" Mouse tried to say from the floor but Zigzag spoke over her. Her mouth twisted to the side and she sighed. Squid watched and felt her body deflate next to him as he wrapped bandaids around her fingers. The bleeding had stopped minutes ago but he wrapped them just to be careful. Dirt and cuts didn't mix. They were hours away from a hospital and Pendanski's dismissal over the news was lackluster. Not that it surprised him.

"Or scorpions," Zigzag said.

"Or rattlesnakes," Magnet said.

"Or we can cut the toes off their socks."

"Guys, I don't—" Mouse tried again.

Magnet laughed. "Yeah, give 'em big ol' blisters!"

"No, that's not enough!" X-Ray's declaration from the head of the tent grabbed their attention. He had been pacing in front of the tent flaps, rubbing his chin. Now he stopped and stood beneath one of the hanging lamps overhead. The shadows cast on his face illuminated the fire in his eyes. "They messed with our tent. They fucked with one of us. We can't just let them get away with that. Not on my watch."

"So, what are we going to do, X?" Magnet asked.

"I'm working on it," X-Ray replied. "But scorpions and snakes? We have to think bigger! B-Tent's been messing with us since, like, the beginning. Just because they're bigger. Well, save for you, Pit." Armpit cracked a proud smile. "It's time that we put an end to it. Get them back for everything."

"How're we going to do it, though? With the Warden watchin' us and all."

"She hasn't been watching us much after the whole gold tube thing," Zigzag said. "I think she got bored."

"She won't care. Bet you B-Tent won't get anything for this from her," X-Ray said. "But not this time. We just need to…wait in the weeds. Let them think they're in the clear. And then we strike."

"Like rattlesnakes!" Magnet said.

X-Ray rolled his yes. "Yeah, okay, fine like rattlesnakes." His lips briefly formed a line and he pushed a breath out through his nose. "I'll think of something."

"Or you could ask Mouse what she wants to do," Squid spoke up. He held the sharp gaze X-Ray threw his way. He'd probably get an earful for that later, after all who stood up against X-Ray when he was on a crusade? Not him. He stood by and stayed quiet. That didn't work for him anymore.

"Okay then," X-Ray said following an exaggerated sigh. His gaze swept over to Mouse. Her mouth pressed into a line. "Any suggestions?"

Mouse's nose wrinkled. She moved her free hand up to her hairline, as if to scratch it, but then lowered her hand a second later when she remembered all the bandaids attached to them. "Don't do anything," Mouse replied. Squid didn't miss the listlessness attached to her words. He frowned; he'd never heard her sound so defeated. Broken.

"See? She's on the same page."

"No, I mean, don't do anything. At all," she said.

"…I think you need to speak up, Squeaky—"

"Dude," Squid interjected, stare hardening.

"—I think I'm having a hard time understanding you. Did you just say do nothing?"

Mouse nodded. "Yeah. I don't want you to do anything."

X-Ray laughed. "We can't just…do nothing."

"Yeah you can. And you will. Because I don't want you to."

"We can't just let them off scot-free."

Mouse scoffed. "Why not? That's how life works. May as well learn that lesson now than having to learn it later. It'll save you time."

"Trust me, that's not a lesson I need someone like you to tell me," X-Ray sneered.

"Then you'll know that I don't need you to fight my battles for me. I don't want to do anything. So don't do anything."

"They fucked with our tent!"

"They fucked with me."

"And you're one of us! As much as you might not want to be, you are. We protect our own!"

Mouse huffed out a sigh through her nose. "Whatever. But you can't claim it's on my behalf. You've had problems with B-Tent before I got here, I'm sure you will after I leave. I don't want my name attached to any of this."

X-Ray shrugged. "That's fine with me. You got yourself a deal." He shifted his gaze. "Pit? Squid?"

Armpit, ever the ready foot soldier, immediately rolled off his bed. Squid stayed put, putting pressure on one of Mouse's finger to squeeze one last bit of glass out. He looked up when Armpit nudged his arm. His eyes bounced back and forth between X-Ray and Armpit. "Nah, I'm good," he said. He ignored the burning of Mouse's stare on the side of his head. "Imma stay here."

X-Ray's eyebrow twitched but he remained silent for a few seconds. "Fine. Mag, Zig, you in for some recon?"

Zigzag and Magnet rolled off their beds and followed X-Ray and Armpit out of the tent. Caveman and Zero flopped onto their beds, pulling their sheets up to their chins. In a matter of minutes their breaths evened out.

"You didn't have to stay," Mouse said.

Squid shrugged, leaning closer to her finger to squint at the piece of glass. "I'll deal with X later." He pressed his thumbs against the cut on her finger and pressed hard until her skin turned white. He wiggled his fingers and then pinched at the little shard of glass that wiggled out. "Got it." He flicked it away and then reached for a bandaid. "How'd you manage to get this here anyway? Didn't they go through your bag?"

"I don't think Mr. Sir was all that interested in what I had," Mouse replied. "He barely touched it save to take my phone."

He looked up. "You brought your phone?"

She rolled her eyes. "Force of habit. I wanted to see if Dad would call before I left."

"He wasn't there?"

Her shoulders sagged. "No. He, uh, had to get back to work."

Squid peeled the plastic off the bandaids adhesive and wrapped it around her finger. "That must have sucked."

"You have no idea."

"You're right. Mom probably clicked her heels when I was taken away." One less problem to smoke away.

"We tried contacting her, you know." At her statement, Squid looked at her. "When you were taken away. We tried to get ahold of her. Me and my dad. But we couldn't find her." His mouth twisted to the side. "We didn't go to your house or anything so don't worry."

"You probably wouldn't have found her there anyway," he said. "I don't even know where she is." Her fingers curled in his hands. Clearing his throat, he backed away and gathered up the loose bits of trash the bandaids left behind. He tossed them into his crate and got to his feet with a weary sigh. "We should probably get some sleep."

Mouse uttered a non-committal grunt. She grabbed her sparkling sleeping bag and jerked the front around. She fiddled with the zipper a moment before pausing, humming, and then grabbing the end. She stood and gave it a few hard shakes.

"What are you doing?" Squid asked.

"Just…checking," she replied, still shaking the sleeping bag.

"I don't think they put anything in it."

"Can't be too careful round here, right?"

His fingers twitched by his side. Boy, he could go for a cigarette right now. It'd save him from going all the way over to B-Tent and punch each and every one of them until their faces were bloody pulps. He ran his tongue against his cheek, eyeing the roundness to her shoulders and taking in the weariness of her breaths. If it weren't for him and the others, maybe her time there would've been easier. If it weren't for him…

He rubbed the heel of his palm into his tired, achy eyes. "Look, just…take my cot. Okay?" He motioned to his bed as he spoke. "I can take the floor."

Her grip on her sleeping bag tightened as her head whipped up from the floor, wide blue eyes shifting from the cot to his face and back. Pressing her lips together, she shook her head rapidly. "No, no. You still have it. It's yours. I'm…I'll be fine."

"It's okay."

"No, I'm good."

"Dude, just take it."

"I really don't want to."

He reached down and grasped her elbow, pulling her to her feet. "Dis, it's fine—"

"I don't want to, okay?" Mouse burst out. Squid watched, stunned, as she backed away, eyes wide, grip on her sleeping bag so tight he was sure she'd poke holes into it. She curled further inwards, as if trying to shrink away. Away from him. His arms slowly lowered to his sides and he took a step back. "I…I can't. Not…not there." Her eyes dropped down to her feet, where she pressed one of her big toes against the other. Squid recognized that stance, her attempt to ground herself. "Sorry."

"No." He made a face, mentally punching himself for putting more bite to the word, making her flinch. "Fuck. I mean, you don't need to apologize. I fucked up. I should have figured…" his words trailed off as he motioned to his bed. Her eyes stayed glued to the floor.

He held out his hand. When she didn't move, he wiggled his fingers and she slowly handed over her sleeping bag. With a few twists he straightened it out and then draped it over his shoulder. Moving to the side of his bed, he pushed on the cot a few times until it slid off and landed on the floor with a soft thud.

He caught the slight wrinkle to her nose as she looked down at the new makeshift bed. "Look, even that's better than the floor. You deserve that at least," Squid said, draping the sleeping bag against its surface.

When she didn't move, he shrugged and dropped onto the mattress with a groan, cupping his hands behind his head. Out the corner of his eye, he watched her ease onto her new bed and slide into the sleeping bag. She carefully laid her head down and pushed a loud breath out of her nose. She fell asleep almost instantly. Lucky her.

Sometime later X-Ray, Zigzag, and Magnet returned. Squid wasn't sure if they were gone for ten minutes or even a few hours. The longer he laid there, the more sleep seemed to elude him. His eyes burned and his frustrated sighs increased in frequency as he rolled over and over. The mattress lay stiff beneath him, as if he were laying on a slab of stone. No matter how many times he turned, it just wouldn't soften.

Squid flopped onto his back, resting his hands on his stomach. Sporadic snores and grumbles pierced the air, becoming his own annoying version of a ticking clock. Fuck, this had to be what Captain Hook felt whenever that crocodile came around. Like he was losing his mind.

Or his breath. Laying on his back wasn't the best idea either. Weight pressed down on his him. He swallowed and gasped, his lungs starved for air. His heart raced, beating a staccato rhythm against his ribs. Pulse skittering, his eyes trained on the ceiling as he tried to get his breath back. Get control back. But darkness seeped in, stretching and clawing across the ceiling. Blood rushed in his ears, swiftly merging over to the roar of turbulent waves.

The taste of salt skittered across his tongue. The vice around his chest tightened, setting his lungs on fire. And all the while, the monstrous waves pulled him down, deeper into the surrounding darkness.

"Squid!"

A pillow smacking against his face allowed his lungs to slam open and let him take in a deep breath of air. He sat bolt upright, chest heaving. He rubbed his sternum as he did his best to get his breaths back to normal. His shoulders, heavy and weary, rounded as he leaned forward. Wasn't this supposed to be easier by now?

"I still have some water if you want it," Mouse said. Squid leaned back. She sat up, propping herself up on her elbow as she rubbed her eye.

Squid shook his head. "I'm good," he uttered, his voice a heavy rasp. He cleared his throat, grimacing at the scratch.

"No, you're not."

He pressed his lips together. It wasn't a soft statement. It wasn't a fiery statement. It wasn't void of emotions. It was just a statement. The truth. A bullseye. His will to fight, the fire of a challenge lay dormant.

Extinguished.

He flinched when her fingers brushed by his eye, wiping the tears away but then, a second later, he leaned into her touch. He couldn't even remember the last time his own mother touched him like that. Any time he cried as a child, he was told to suck it up if she didn't outright laugh or blow smoke into his face.

"Why?" he uttered. The strength to finish the rest of his sentence sat out of his reach. To finish the myriad of questions that shot through his mind.

The shadow's across Mouse's face shifted as her mouth twisted to the side. Withdrawing her hand, she pushed her short hair away from her face. "The same reason you do."

He nodded. He should've known she'd fill in the blanks. Why are you helping me? Why are you looking out for me? Why are you talking to me? Why do you keep coming back after everything? Why do you care?

Squid heard Mouse's intake of breath, shaky, unsure, before she spoke again: "Can I just ask you something?" Swallowing a lump in his throat, he tensed but nodded. She didn't ask right away but, when she did, her words were directed at her pillow. "When this happened to your mom, you were mad. But…you weren't mad at her. When it happened to me…why were you mad at me?"

"Because it was easier than being mad at myself." The words tumbled out at him before he could stop them. He hadn't meant to be so truthful but, after everything Mouse had been through, she deserved it. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. That he was a terrible friend, a terrible person, a terrible son, and he didn't deserve to be around. "It's not an excuse but…"

"Why were you mad at yourself? You didn't do anything."

"Exactly." He brushed the remnants of tear tracks off his face. "I didn't do anything. When it happened to my mom…I was a kid. I was hiding under the bed when it happened. And…and I saw how it messed her up and I only wished I was bigger or stronger to stop it from happening again."

"…And me?"

Her small voice cut straight through him. He squeezed his eyes shut at the pain that burst through him, pulsing and stabbing. "I didn't know it happened to you. I didn't know Brett was like that. Not that it changes anything… I guess I just couldn't handle...anything. Anything about the whole situation. I was drunk and I made assumptions. And...and maybe I was mad that you seemed to not need me anymore. That I had no control. No say. So, it was easier to stay mad. It…" he paused, his words sticking in his throat until he cleared it. "I fucked up, Diz. I get it. And I know you'll never forgive me so—"

"I already have."

Squid blinked and then looked at her. "What'd you go and do something so dumb for?"

Mouse rolled her eyes. "Becauuuse"—Squid's nose wrinkled; she always had a strange and annoying way of adding extra syllables to a word—"you apologized. Fine. But, for once, you actually backed up that apology with changed behavior." She yawned and laid back down, tucking her head into her pillow. She peered out at him through half-lidded eyes and said with a sleepy sincerity, "Maybe I'm being stupid and maybe I'll regret this later, but that's all I ever wanted from you, Alan. So, you can stop punishing yourself. We're going to get out of here together, okay?

The corner of his mouth lifted on one side. Her uttering his name with such tenderness, all at once settled everything inside him, calmed the rough seas and batted away the dark clouds. He watched as her eyelids fell and she slipped back into sleep, face full of peace and contentment. A stark contrast to the furrowed brow and frowned lips from before.

Tearing his eyes away, Squid grabbed his pillow and propped it up against the side of the tent. He carefully leaned his weight against it, testing the hold. As he sat there it hit him like a ton of bricks that the vice around his chest had disappeared. He breathed easier and the cloak of shame on his shoulders slipped away, stich by stitch.

His eyes closed in a slow blink. All his muscles relaxed. His tentmates snores still sounded in the darkness. He glanced over at Mouse again, curled up into a ball despite the tight confines of the sleeping bag.

How could someone like her would stick around for someone like him? And why, despite all the times he pushed her away, did he still want her to come back? To try? Even when she shouldn't. Even when he didn't deserve it. But he was glad.

Somewhere along the lines, without him even knowing, Mouse had become the most important girl in his life. It used to be his mother whose approval he tried to win, her pride he tried to bask in. But she cared more about her next hit and her bottle more than she cared about him.

But not Mouse. She was there for him in ways he wished his mother was. And, yeah, maybe back then he was a bit too dependent on her and her on him but now, he saw, she didn't need him. He needed her. She seemed to be doing fine, if not better, on her own. And yet here she was, still trying to help him along.

So, when a hand came down through the rough waves of his dreams once more, he reached out for it and held on tight. When he woke and his brain kickstarted through his sleepy haze, he realized that sometime in his sleep he had grabbed Mouse's hand when her arm dangled over the side of the bed. Rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand, he rolled onto his side, tightened his grip, and eased himself back to sleep for the first time in days.

a/n - I wanted to get this done in time for my birthday a couple days ago but then, well, birthday things happened and here we are! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I've been looking forward to it for a long time. Please read and review!

Review Replies

Lottiefifi: I think at this point all of us want to hug Squid, which is what I've been going for! He's been a character I've wanted to tear down and rebuild for a long time. There's just so much untapped potential with him that I will forever hold a bit of a grudge about when it comes to Louis Sachars' series. But hey, that's what fanfic is for! D-Tent definitely won't take the hit against their tent lying down. No one messes with their family!

Jan: I previously replied to this on the last chapter but I'm putting my reply here too just in case you didn't see it. Thanks for your review and thank you for pointing out my inaccuracies! I've read blogs and medical sites and watched youtube videos when I decided for Squid to have diabetes and thought I had a good grasp on the information provided to portray it in this fic in regards to the punishment and treatment some of the misbehaving campers would have. In this case, having some of his medical supplies taken away as punishment despite needing it for his survival. In my quest to show just how bad the camp could be, I portrayed a serious medical issue in the wrong way. I'm sorry and I was wrong. I went back and combed through this fic to fix my mistakes. If it's at all possible, maybe I could contact you with questions and accurate information for the portrayal? Thank you again for taking the time to let me know of my errors!

Shawny: Beautifully complicated is a nice way to put it! Their relationship is so complex, ugh, I just love writing about them so much. Having them move forward in a healthy and realistic way despite their baggage and somewhat toxic behavior towards each other is a goal I'm working hard to reach and I hope that I've hit it with this chapter. Ask and ye shall receive! Honestly, your review made me laugh because I've had this moment planned for them for a long time and I've been itching to get to it. And now it's here! (Though, I gotta ask, since you said you're a romantic, do you ship them? Or, rather, ship who they could end up being? Because, ssssh, I do sometimes!)

LittleBlueSweater: The answer to your questions will be revealed soon! Yeah, I can't blame Mickey for not hanging out with them either. Why would you want to spend time with people who've done nothing but make her life hard? They're all learning from each other and their dynamic will settle down and lock in after this event. D-Tent sticks together! And don't worry, Eagle will get his! (Squid will make sure of it ;)). Thanks for the review!

**Edited 11/25/19**: Reading back a few chapters to help keep continuity as I work on my next update (chapter 25), I realized that I had implied that Squid knew about Mickey's rape and didn't believe her when, back in chapter nine, was when she had first told him. To clarify, he was arrested in December before she told anyone what had happened to her which set in motion the events to her own arrest. He didn't know of it at all. I have fixed any traces of this error in previous chapters.