Twenty-one.

Unlike Ed, Olivia never slept well after a night of drinking, so she was up early and feeling sluggish the next morning. Before getting out of bed, she gazed lovingly at Ed, sound asleep on his stomach, lips parted, and his pillow bunched up underneath his head.

Last night they'd come home, profusely thanked Sarah and Justin, and checked on the kids. Olivia headed to the bedroom, assuming Ed was on her tail, but when she turned around he wasn't there. A couple minutes later he showed up with a bottle of the holiday spiced bourbon Olivia thought they'd finished.

"Where'd that come from?"

"I bought it."

"I thought it was only available around Christmas."

"They ordered it for me," he replied, sounding cocky as ever, "I told 'em it was imperative I have it in the house for my wife."

Olivia laughed, "So they think your wife is a drunk."

"Better than him knowing how good it tastes on you."

He swayed but caught his balance and managed to somewhat gracefully crawl on top of her. His eyelids drooped. He slurred "I love you." She expected the sex to be quick, maybe even nonexistent, but Ed surpassed expectations and even helped change the liquor-drenched sheets afterward. Now, she rubbed her eyes, yawned, and fought the urge to plant a kiss on his bare shoulder.

On the way out of the room, she softly closed the door. She was halfway through a cup of coffee when Maggie's soft talking became audible. Maggie broke into a wide smile when Olivia hoisted her out of the crib, but she, too, showed signs of a late night. She yawned several times while Olivia changed her diaper and drank her milk while curled into Olivia's chest. Maggie was prone to snuggling only when she was tired, sick, or jealous of Sofia.

"Did you have fun last night, sweetheart?"

"Juh!" Maggie jolted up and her back went rigid. "Sah! Gi'YUP, Mama! Gi'YUP!" She bounced up and down, and, just as quickly as she'd gotten excited, she collapsed back onto her mother. Maggie had apparently had enough with talking for the moment.

Olivia turned on the classic cartoon channel, the kids' favorite, and pressed her face to the side of Maggie's head. Her brown hair was thicker, fuller, and resembling that of a kid rather than an infant, yet the scent of the baby shampoo the Tucker brood used was comforting. Maggie reached up and patted Olivia's face with her free hand, and Olivia wondered if Maggie could possibly sense how much peace the gesture brought to her mother's soul.

"Toons, Ma!" Maggie said with her mouth on the cup's spout. "Mouse!"

"Remember Mickey and Minnie?"

"MOUSE! Waff! Eeeee waff!"

Olivia was amazed at how much Maggie remembered from the Disney trip until Maggie pointed toward the bookshelf at a photograph of the five of them at breakfast holding up the gigantic mouse-shaped waffles.

Olivia also noticed one of the Tetras swimming in desperate, near-lifeless loops, and disappearing behind the artificial foliage Noah had chosen for the aquarium. "Oh, no," she murmured.

"Oh, no," Maggie repeated, contorting her body so she could look up at her mother, "Oh, no!"

Olivia smiled sweetly and kissed her. "It's okay, sweet girl. Need more milk?"

Maggie tossed the cup aside, "All done!"

Fifteen minutes later both Noah and Wyatt were out of bed and piled around and on Olivia with cups of their own. Noah wedged himself beside her. Maggie, more awake and restless, wriggled to the end of the chaise and planted herself between Olivia's shins. Wyatt curled up on Olivia's chest so he could both snuggle and see the screen. Rain began falling and drops pelted the windows. Daunting black clouds supplanted what had been a foggy sunrise. The kids were content to be lazy, and Olivia was perfectly content spending the bulk of the day right where they were. Her gaze drifted from the cartoons to the details of the room—muted grays and blues, walnut bookshelves packed with framed photographs, board books and beanbags, toys that never seemed to find their way into the toy boxes.

Despite the nagging knowledge of the dead Tetra, only one sentiment filled her mind.

I love my life.

…

Watching Olivia make cupcakes for Noah to take to day care was both amusing and heartening. Olivia moved around the kitchen like a novice, but she soldiered on with the process, unconcerned Ed was witnessing her less-than-impressive performance. The first attempt ended in disaster because she overfilled the cups. The second batch came out better. While they cooled, Olivia uncorked another bottle of wine.

"Want a little more?"

"Sure." Ed slid his glass across the counter, deliberately weaving it around the streaks of batter.

She grinned and swatted at his arm. "Funny."

"They look good," Ed remarked.

Olivia put her hands on her hips and assessed her work. The confetti cake had browned slightly on the domed tops and the toothpick she'd inserted into each one had come out clean. They were good enough to please Noah's class of three and four-year-olds.

"I always wanted a mother who did this type of thing," a wistful expression crossed Olivia's face, "You know, the mom in the TV shows who had milk and cookies ready after school…"

"My mother couldn't get us outta the house quick enough," Ed replied, trying to inject some levity in the conversation. He knew the general details of Olivia's childhood and about her mother's battle with alcoholism, but Olivia kept stories of her deepest wounds closer to the vest. "It was come home, drop everything, change clothes, and go outside until dinner." He saw her expression remain unchanged, "But I'm guessin' not even dinner happened for you?"

"It did," Olivia said, "But I always knew something wasn't right, the way I was growing up, my relationship with her…wasn't the way it was supposed to be…until, of course, I found out why, then it all made sense."

"Explanations don't fix the damage."

"No…they don't." Olivia opened a tub of icing and peeled back the lid. "Do I lose points for using the store bought stuff?"

"Nope."

She peered at the label. "I mean…it's organic…from their grandmother's kitchen to mine… via…Wisconsin."

"That is America's dairy land."

"Well then…" Olivia dipped a spoon and tasted a tiny bit. "It's good. Here."

She offered some to Ed and he tried to ignore the weakness in his knees as she fed him a dollop of the strawberry cream.

"Real good," he croaked.

Olivia darted to the table and returned with a shopping bag from which she triumphantly produced an elaborate cake decorating kit complete with icing gun and various attachments. Ed broke into a wide, toothy smile.

"That's serious," he said.

"It is," she bit her lip, "I hope not too serious."

They unpacked everything and laid out the materials on the counter. Olivia grabbed two of the first-batch cupcakes. "Okay," she said, "Practice round." She bit her lip and swirled the icing around in circles until it came to a point that curled into itself at the top.

"Nice work."

"That was much easier than I thought it would be, except…" Olivia eyed the icing tub, "I don't think I have nearly enough of this."

"I'll run out and get more," Ed offered.

Olivia's expression suggested she felt guilty but also realized Ed's favor was completely necessary. "Thank you," she said. She said the icing seemed fairly standard but directed him to the exact market where it had been purchased.

He polished off his wine and went for his coat, but Olivia stopped him. "Hey," she said, "Come here."

He joined her in the kitchen. She held out her arms, lifted her chin for a kiss, and thanked him again.

Ed stroked her hair and held her for a few extra seconds. Before he headed out on the errand, he stared intently into her eyes and said, "I think you're a fantastic mother."

She blinked rapidly, fighting tears that had not yet surfaced but were sure to come.

"Noah's so lucky."

"Thank you," she half-whispered.

He smirked and kissed her once more.

"I'll be right back. Anything else ya need?"

"No…we're…we're good for now."

….

Ed awoke with a start, having been jolted into consciousness by a dream in which he was driving a car on a rollercoaster track. Right after a hairpin turn he steered the car forward only to find end of the track and an inevitable plunge into oblivion. He opened his eyes and immediately noticed Olivia's absence. Jerking around to look at the clock, he saw it was almost ten a.m. and he had a sharp, piercing pain in his head. He laid back down for a second and recalled bits and pieces of the night—the dark club-like atmosphere at the reunion, kissing Olivia on the street, forgetting to confirm the Uber, and getting careless with the spiced bourbon. The half-empty fifth was on the nightstand and he chuckled softly as he thought about how un-parental their room looked at the moment.

He dragged himself out of bed, brushed his teeth, and repeatedly splashed water on his face until some of the cobwebs cleared. It was quiet. If the thunderstorm hadn't been raging outside, he would have assumed Olivia took the kids to the park.

Ed went unnoticed for a minute. The show captured the kids' attention, and Olivia was trying not to doze off. The scene was too adorable not to capture in a photograph, so Ed tiptoed back to the bedroom for his phone which he found on the floor among his clothes from the night before, and snapped a few pictures. Finally, Olivia turned her head toward him, smiled, and greeted him with a soft "good morning." All three kids turned their heads, gave him quick, lazy smiles, and promptly focused their attention back on the television.

"Hey there." He sidled up to Olivia and kissed her lips. "Sorry, didn't mean to sleep this long."

Olivia patted his thigh, "You haven't missed much. This is about it."

"Breakfast?"

"HUNGY!" Maggie bellowed without diverting her eyes from the show.

"Are you hungry?" Olivia asked Ed with a teasing glint in her eyes.

"Yep," he grinned and rested against her shoulder, "No? You hungry?"

"Kinda," he mumbled.

"Sarah let you eat a bunch of junk last night?"

"Nope," Noah said, grinning, "Didn't have time ta eat a lot 'cause we were playin' all night!"

"Whadja play?"

"Bowling, horse, rock band, dance party," Noah paused and tapped Wyatt's back, "Wyatt, what else we play?"

"Truck," Wyatt mumbled, his voice slurred by the Wubbanub, "Du'truck!"

"Oh yeah," Noah continued, "We builded, um, built, a big house with da trains comin' in and out and Wyatt used da dump trucks to bring da m'terials. Den Justy and Sare Bear pushed us in da diaper boxes 'til Sare Bear said it was bedtime but we didn't go ta bed we RACED den Wyatt was sleepin' in da bean bag so Justy say, c'mon let's have quiet time, so he read books then, then…" he twisted his lips and furrowed his brow, "I dunno how I got ta bed!"

"You were in bed when we got home, sweet boy," Olivia said, "So I bet Justin or Sarah took you."

Noah smiled, "Yeah. Dey good at takin' care a' us." He yawned and put his head back on Olivia's arm, "I'm tired."

"Everyone's going to need a nap today," Olivia remarked.

Alarmed at hearing her least favorite word, Maggie scrambled off the couch and stood in front of everyone with her arms rigid and her fists balled. "NO NAP!" She steeled her jaw Ed Tucker-style and waited for a response.

Noah giggled. Wyatt tried to look past her so he didn't miss any action on the screen. Ed waved Maggie over. "C'mere, sweetheart," he said, "You wanna help Daddy order food? Let's eat somethin."

"EAT! Eat fre'fries!"

"You don't want breakfast? Waffles? Eggs?"

"FRE'FRIES!"

"Okay, we'll getcha some French fries," Ed looked to Olivia for approval, "I'll order from the diner?"

"Yes, Mmmmm, that sounds good. I want a cheeseburger."

Ed chuckled.

Olivia pretended to be annoyed. "You weren't the only one who had a long night, Captain."

"It was fun though."

"Whadja do?" Noah asked.

"We saw a lot of Daddy's old friends from college," Olivia said, "We talked to them and their wives and had dinner. And, I showed everyone pictures of you and Maggie and Wyatt. And they thought you were so handsome."

Noah smiled, "And they prolly thought small sister and Wyatt looked so hyper."

"Were they hyper?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Were you hyper?"

Sheepishly, Noah replied, "Yup."

….

Taking advantage of a rare moment of finding Olivia alone, Brooke sauntered out to the balcony with two glasses of Pinot Grigio and handed one to the woman who had, for all intents and purposes, become her mother. From their vantage point they could hear the mishmash of chatter from the pool and see Ed, Justin, and Sonny on the beach, still running around with the four kids as the sun began to set.

"Mmm," Olivia droned, "This is good."

"Isn't it? It's from near here believe it or not."

"Let's hide it from everyone else."

Olivia and Brooke exchanged conspiratorial grins. They were the only two in the family who appreciated wine for more than the fact it contained alcohol. Justin tried to pay attention to the different varieties and food pairings, but everyone else either humored or ignored the two Tucker oenophiles.

"You doing alright?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah," Brooke sighed, "It's going to be weird tomorrow, without Grandma. Here. On Thanksgiving. I don't know if I'll want to do this every year."

Olivia completely understood. She enjoyed the final months of the year and the celebrations that came with them. She craved Caroline's cramped house at Thanksgiving and Christmas and she was so grateful they'd spent the night there last Christmas Eve. Caroline had had a rough year—she battled illness, each time refusing to be admitted to the hospital—but she'd rallied around the holidays. Somehow, though, Noah sensed he was running out of time with his grandmother and insisted on staying with her on the 24th even if it meant missing Santa Claus.

"We'll do Christmas at home in New York," Olivia patted Brooke's knee. "Wherever you want."

Caroline's house still hadn't been put on the market. Nobody was ready to deal with the house yet—it had been the Tuckers' home base since Caroline and her husband left Manhattan in the mid-1970s.

"I hope it snows," Brooke said, "A lot. Like, one of those movie Christmases. And then, of course, I would like spring right after, on the twenty-sixth."

"Of course."

"Sonny wants another kid."

Olivia's jaw dropped more so because of the abrupt change in topics than the news of the Carisis potentially adding to their family.

"And…you want…?"

Brooke responded honestly. "I don't know. I'm wanting to work a little more, get out, you know? And with Sofia going to preschool next year, it'll be perfect for me to find something part time."

Since her mother's death, Brooke had been consulting on and off with a charter school network but had mostly concentrated on caring for her daughter. She and Sarah had both inherited money from their mother, but Brooke and Sonny had avoided dipping into the funds.

"And, two kids…Brooklyn…the city…I'm starting to think we maybe need to move, out, Long Island or somewhere, have a yard, a neighborhood, live like normal people." Brooke forced a sarcastic guffaw, "Not that you and Dad aren't normal."

"We go to Delaware more and more," Olivia said, "But I don't want to leave the city. The kids love it. They really do. And if we move Noah out of there before he can ride the Subway by himself we may have a major problem."

Brooke nodded in agreement, "That kid…is as close to perfect as they come."

"He's a special boy."

Later, Brooke would blame the wine for her asking the next question. "Are you ever going to tell him everything?"

Olivia took it in stride. She was so at peace there was very little, even her son's biological history, that could rile her. "We've let him lead the way so far," she said, "If he asks, we're age-appropriately honest. I suppose one day he'll want to know everything. But, by then, I hope it'll be…so distant…for him and for me…that it will be almost like a story that happened to someone else."

Brooke had always struggled to not think of Noah's past. She had trouble pushing the lurid details of Olivia's past to the back of her mind. It wasn't that she didn't accept Noah or that she persistently viewed Olivia as a pitiful, tragic figure. The fact that Olivia was so loving, so gentle, so…together…when she had every reason to be a complete mess fascinated Brooke.

"But for now," Olivia continued, "He seems content."

She spoke the words as Noah rolled the ball they'd used for beach volleyball to Wyatt who kicked it and ran to the Frisbee they were using as first base. Despite being on defense, Noah ran over and slapped Wyatt's hand.

"I love this view," Olivia murmured.

She meant more than the palm trees and waves crashing along the white sand beach. The sun turned her family into partial silhouettes. She couldn't hear their words, but she could see their smiles and the way they interacted with one another. Sure, there were the inevitable bumps in the road ahead, but Olivia had never, ever, felt more secure. In time, she hoped Brooke could feel the same.

…..

The diner didn't have a website and didn't participate in the city's plethora of app-based dining delivery services, so Ed spread the restaurant's menu on the island phoned in his family's elaborate order.

"You take cards?" He asked only to see Olivia mouth I have a bunch of cash. "Uh, never mind, we'll pay cash. Okay, okay…seventy-two sixy-six?" He raised his eyebrows at his wife and she nodded, "Okay, that's fine, yeah, cash, okay, good, yeah. Twenty-six B." He slid the phone aside. "Seventy bucks for lunch?"

Olivia shrugged and pointed out they'd let the kids have whatever they wanted including odd combinations such as mozzarella sticks and French toast.

Ed grinned, acknowledging her point. "Damn," he muttered under his breath, "I haven't felt this bad in a while."

Olivia jerked her head toward the kids who were still parked on the couch, "They haven't either, apparently."

"You don't feel it?"

"I'm…tired. Oh!"

The alarm and urgency in her eyes sent a quick pang of terror through Ed's gut.

"One of the Tetras is dead."

Ed screwed up his face. "Who?"

"Ed! The fish!"

"Oh, oh," he wobbled his head around, trying to get a little more clarity but winced at the pain.

Olivia went to one of the upper cabinets and grabbed the ibuprofen. "Here. Take, maybe, five."

"Lieutenant!"

"He's going to want to feed the fish when the food gets here. Do we deal with it then or now?"

Ed gazed at the kids. All three of them were now huddled together on the chaise end of the couch under the Ireland blanket. He couldn't bear to see Noah go to the aquarium, armed with fish food, and discover four rather than five Tetras swimming around.

"Let's do it now," he said. "Better coming from us."

….

The sand under their feet crunched rather than sank. It resisted humans traipsing across it while the Atlantic beaches conformed willingly, inviting footsteps and sandcastles and everything else beachgoers brought with them. Ed grabbed Olivia's hand and kissed her clumsily, for they were meandering along the shore, taking an evening stroll, just the two of them, while Sonny oversaw ice cream sundae making back at the condo.

"Tomorrow's going to be hard for everyone," Olivia said.

"Yeah," Ed clutched her hand more firmly, "New traditions…"

Olivia stopped so Ed had to look her in the eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he fidgeted a little, "I mean…it's odd knowin' she's not here, hearin' her voice in my head…"

Aside from the occasional jogger, they were alone on this part of the beach and Olivia suggested they sit down. Ed followed her to higher ground. Olivia sat in front of him and leaned back against his chest.

"I miss her too," Olivia murmured. "I'll always be grateful for how she accepted me and Noah into her life, immediately, before even I knew what the future held for us."

"She had a good sense for that kinda stuff." Ed kissed the back of Olivia's head, "I guess, I feel a little guilty, I mean, I didn't talk to her every day, so, well, I don't think about it all the time."

Olivia entangled their fingers together. "Don't feel guilty. That's normal."

"You know what's not normal?"

"What?"

"How much I love you."

"Oh yeah?"

"I love you way more than the average man loves his wife."

Olivia tilted her head back, "Probably because you're not the average man." She grinned and puckered her lips for a kiss.

Ed looked around naughtily. "This beach is too crowded for what I wanna do right now."

"What is it you want to do?" Olivia teased in a low voice.

Ed responded by gripping the back of her head and kissing her passionately. He opened his mouth wide and swirled his tongue around hers slowly and sensually. Olivia couldn't help but shove him backwards. She pressed her hips into his thigh.

"Liv," he groaned.

"I know."

They sat up again, breathing heavily, leaning into one another, and stared out into the horizon.

"Think we should head back?" Olivia asked.

"Let's stay here a little longer. 'Til the sun sets."

"Okay."

"I love watching sunsets with you."

….

Noah frowned at the news. He stood on the step stool and peered into the aquarium. "Dat's Eric," he reported mournfully. "Eric's dead."

Ed and Olivia exchanged curious glances. Noah had named each fish using the first letters of each Tucker's name, but they had no idea how he could tell them apart.

"Well, we'll, we'll get him outta there bud."

"Then what?"

Olivia suggested they put the fish in a plastic bag and then in a small box. They could bury it in the park when it stopped raining.

"We gotta have a fune'rull," Noah said.

"How do you know about funerals, sweet boy?"

"M'Kenzie at school went to a fune'rull when her Gramma died. She was absent for three days 'cause they had to go on an airplane."

"Oh."

"Mommy? What happens at da fune'rulls?"

Olivia explained funerals were a time for friends and relatives to say nice things about the person who died and to say goodbye one last time. He brightened at the idea and declared they would do just that when it stopped raining and they could bury Eric Tetra. Ed scooped the dead fish out and zipped it into a Ziploc bag which they then put in a small rectangular box.

Noah observed all this then went back to the aquarium. "I wonder if da other ones are sad," he murmured.

"Prolly are, bud," Ed said, mussing Noah's hair, "But they can be happy when they think about the fun times they had with Eric."

"Yeah," Noah said, "Eric was a fun fish."

The skies cleared a few hours later and, before dinner at the pub, the Tuckers walked to the pathway along the Hudson River and laid Eric to rest. Noah thought the riverside would be the best spot because it was close to water and also near the store where they'd purchased the Tetras. Ed packed the loose dirt around the box and Noah put a single wildflower he'd picked on top of the grave.

"Goodbye, Eric," he said, "Thank you for being a good fish." He looked up at his parents, silently giving them clearance to say something.

"Bye, Eric," Olivia said, "We enjoyed having you as part of the family. Thank you for making my kids so happy."

"So long, Eric," Ed gave the mound another pat, "It was nice knowin' ya. You're one of the nicest fish I've ever met."

Noah prodded Maggie and Wyatt to say goodbye as well, and they babbled a bunch of enthusiastic "bye byes" which made everyone else smile.

"They're a little too young to understand, sweet boy," Olivia said softly. "But I'm sure they'll miss Eric."

"So will I," Noah sighed.

…

Ed placed Olivia's glass of water on her nightstand, yawned, and collapsed into bed. He was looking forward to a good night's sleep and starting the next day fresh and free from the effects of alcohol. Nevertheless, he curled up at Olivia's side and started suggestively kissing her shoulder and whining that her tank top strap was in the way.

Olivia chuckled and, for the moment, stayed immune to his advances. "You were so sweet conducting the fish funeral today," she said. "I think it was good for Noah."

"Better than flushing the thing down the toilet."

"That would have been…insensitive…and a little cruel."

"It did cross my mind."

"You never would've done it."

"Nope," he mumbled with his lips on her skin. He was partially on top of her now and kissing at her throat. "Never."

Olivia tickled the back of his head and bunched up his t-shirt with her other hand. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of this," she said in a throaty voice.

"Tired of what?" Ed teased.

"This," she said as if she hadn't understood he was joking, "It's almost scary how good you make me feel, Ed."

He lifted his head and stared into her eyes. "No, Liv," he whispered, "Nothing about us is scary. Nothing. The last thing I want you to feel right now is scared." He smirked a little and cocked his head, "But…I do kinda wanna hear you scream…"

…

#Tuckson