Thirty-one.

While water filled the bathtub, Ed removed Olivia's sling and unwound the gauze from her upper arm. He examined the stitches with a critical eye. The dark threads woven into her skin looked horribly barbaric. Thinking of the carnage inflicted on her muscle and flesh, Ed winced and, as gently as possible, kissed the wound.

"It's much better today," Olivia cooed. "I can actually lift my arm a little bit without wanting to scream."

"I only want you to scream for one reason," Ed whispered.

Olivia smiled apologetically. It had been almost a week since they'd last made love. However, Ed's comment wasn't foreplay. He dutifully helped her into the tub and proceeded to wash her hair. Olivia closed her eyes and concentrated on the sensation of his fingers massaging her scalp. After the final rinse, he planted kisses along her upper back. Despite the warm water, Olivia shivered.

Later, when she was dry and dressed, Ed rewrapped the arm with fresh gauze.

"Ed, it needs to be tighter."

He frowned and continued with the tiniest bit more force.

"Ed, honey, it's not tight enough. It feels like it's going to fall down."

"Seems pretty tight to me."

Olivia turned her neck and tried to catch his eye. "Honey, please...if I feel like it's going to fall I won't be able to sleep."

She knew how to work him. Making sure Olivia got enough sleep was one of Ed's longstanding priorities. He started the process over and secured the gauze with medical tape. Once in bed, he surrounded the arm with small throw cushions and crawled in next to her. Given the injury, she was forced to sleep solely on her back and couldn't easily turn on either side. Ed cuddled up next to her and put his head next to hers on the same pillow.

He kissed her cheek and murmured, "Goodnight, gorgeous."

"Night." She reached up with her good hand and patted his wrist, "I love you, Ed. Thank you for washing my hair."

"I love washing your hair."

"You do it so well."

"You know I'd wash it any time...even without-"

His voice caught in his throat and Olivia finished the sentence for him. "-without getting shot?"

"Yeah," he mumbled sheepishly.

Olivia pressed her eyes closed. In the silence, she could hear Ed's breathing cadence. It wasn't normal. His heart was beating fast. He was trying so hard to be strong, and she had to let him struggle. She wasn't quite ready to relinquish the security of the strong, protective perimeter he'd constructed around her in the past week.

….

Mike Dodds hustled from the bar, eager to get started on the sting operation that would hopefully allow SVU to sink their teeth into Eugene. Ed and Olivia remained in the dark bar and ordered another round. Ed sipped the fresh drink without taking his eyes off his girlfriend. She was perfect-smart, witty, and beautiful. More than once in the past week he found himself doubting he deserved her. As if she were reading his mind and wanted to offer assurance, Olivia leaned over and kissed him.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked, her eyes wide and compassionate. Throughout this whole ordeal, she was always more concerned about him than herself.

"I wish we woulda disclosed."

Olivia pressed her lips together in a straight line. Before the church scandal, there was no reason for them to disclose. He was not her boss. He wasn't investigating SVU. The false accusation leveled at Ed had flipped their world upside down in a matter of hours, and Barba's by-the-book prosecutorial style gave them no way to wiggle out of the predicament.

"It's over now," she said, "We get these guys and move on with our lives."

"I suppose," he fidgeted on the stool, "It's just...if we woulda said something…" he trailed off and clenched his jaw.

"If we would've said something, we would be in this exact same spot. One PP wouldn't have let me lead an investigation involving you."

He put a hand over hers. His face softened. "You're the only one I would want leadin' it."

A shy smile crossed her face. "That is...if you're not available?"

"You're a better cop than I am. I'd choose you any day of the week. And," he took her other hand, "This'll be over soon, one way or another, and I'm not gonna rest until you get your job back-the job you're supposed to be doin."

"Right now...I want you to be cleared. I don't know how you're staying so calm."

"What else to do? If I go off all half-cocked and get crazy, it'll be worse." Ed chuckled sarcastically. "I know what they're thinkin-me as a dirty cop, I know all the tricks, I can make myself look as not guilty as possible."

He couldn't mask his misery. Olivia reassuringly squeezed his hands. "They won't find anything incriminating," she said, "You look innocent because you are innocent."

"Well, that makes two of us who believe it."

Ed was descending into a gloomy abyss. This had happened two or three times over the past few days. One minute he was steadfast and resolute then grumpy and the epitome of pessimism the next.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Olivia cocked an eyebrow and rubbed the tops of his hands with her thumb.

"Yeah, I do."

"Go to your place for a little while?"

Face flushed, Ed nodded and poked the inside of his mouth with his tongue. "Wherever you want."

"Your place," Olivia stood up, "Then...dinner? The three of us?"

"Absolutely."

Olivia took his arm as they walked out of the bar and put her head on his shoulder. They were both pissed, stressed out, and frustrated at the world, but, under all that drama, she felt a tiny bit of peace.

…..

The day before the twins' birthday party was mostly filled with a few party-related errands. Ed and Olivia dropped Noah off at school, strolled aimlessly through the park for a while, and finished their morning purchasing paper plates, plastic silverware and drinkware, and bright blue and pink tablecloths. Ed chuckled at how they were so old-fashioned, so "boy-girl" in raising Maggie and Wyatt. Olivia acknowledged the truth in the statement but also pointed out how Maggie, despite being tenacious and more aggressive than Wyatt, loved her babies and getting dressed up for special occasions. She also liked to pretend to apply makeup when Olivia got ready in the morning. Wyatt's toys of choice were his vast collection of trucks and blocks. Though he was gentle, laid-back, and quiet, he was typically the first one on scene when something was wrong. If someone was upset or an item crashed to the floor somewhere in the apartment, Wyatt rushed to see what had gone awry. He was a protector...just like his father.

"You wanna get lunch?" Ed asked after they left the final store with the last of the necessary supplies. Sarah was taking care of the balloons and streamers. The food was simple-hot dogs, hamburgers, and Caroline's side dishes.

Olivia looked down at the twins sitting happily in their places in the stroller-Wyatt in front, Maggie in the back. The light breeze blew their hair in wild swirls, but only Wyatt's locks fell in his eyes. She took a deep breath and winced slightly. Filling her lungs with air put pressure on her arm, but the dull pain was only half the reason for her discontent.

"Let's...let's get Wyatt's hair cut," she said.

"Seriously?"

"Yes. It's annoying him. I can tell. He doesn't know it, poor thing, but he'll be so much happier when it's not in his face all the time."

Ed was pushing the stroller and he gave Olivia a clumsy kiss. "Wanna get one last pre-cut picture with him?"

"Yeah."

They stopped at a bench and Ed sat Wyatt in her lap. They had thousands of photos featuring various combinations of their family members, but there were not many of Olivia with only Wyatt. Juxtaposed, their resemblance was even more stark.

"Smile, bud!" Ed snapped a few pictures.

Maggie strained to get out of her seat and join her brother and mother.

"Wy! Mama! Magg go!"

Olivia kissed Wyatt's chubby cheek and he giggled. Satisfied, Ed put him back in the stroller and they continued on to the barber shop he'd patronized for at least a decade.

…..

The Tucker parents were familiar faces at the school. Olivia volunteered often, and Ed was the regular morning drop off parent. The front desk clerk smiled when the woman she knew as "Mrs. Tucker" approached. She immediately gave Olivia a visitor's badge and waved her through the double doors leading to the lower school classrooms. Policy mandated parents be escorted by a staff member, but given the Tuckers' NYPD pedigree, they were allowed to roam unaccompanied.

When Olivia told Ed about her plan to drop in on the next scheduled music class, he listened intently, stifling a knowing smirk. Though nobody could accuse him of being overly trusting of anyone outside of his family, he had a feeling Mr. Harp and his comment about Maggie's pretty hair were both harmless. Nevertheless, he understood Olivia's instincts to protect her children and he offered to go with her.

"No, thanks," she said, "I think...if there's something going on...he'll be more likely to be on his best behavior if there are two of us there. I'm the kind mother. You're a little intimidating."

At this, he had to chuckle. "I'm intimidating?"

"Yes."

"You know, you're a little scary at times."

"Me? No way."

Ed gave her a kiss and a pat on the butt. "Call me if you need backup."

"Okay," Olivia narrowed her eyes, "But if I sense anything's up, I may kill him first."

"See?" Ed retorted, laughing again. "Told ya. Scary."

Olivia heard the music class well before she approached the room. It was located in the rear of the building in a dark, cavernous area, but the actual room itself was bright and surrounded by windows on three sides. Risers lined one wall. Along another were shelves housing drums, maracas, small keyboards, and small cases probably containing flutes or clarinets. There was a separate, enclosed, office space for the teacher and three doors leading to soundproof practice rooms. The younger kids did not use the spaces, so the doors were closed and the rooms pitch black. The practice areas made Olivia shiver.

"Mommy!" Wyatt ran to his mother as soon as she entered the room. Even though the kids had already eaten lunch and had recess, his school uniform was as pristine as it had been when he left home that morning. "Whatcha doin here, Mommy?" He asked after he'd given her a hug.

"Oh, I wanted to stop by and see you play your songs. What are you playing today?"

"Right now we're warmin' up. Then we're gonna play the songs for the concert! My chair's over here," he pointed at an empty seat, "And there's my r'corder!"

"I see. Well, I don't want to spoil the surprise of the concert, so I'll just say hello to Maggie and your teacher and then I'll go home."

"With Daddy?"

"Yep."

"What's Daddy doin?"

"Laundry."

Wyatt giggled. "Daddy's always doin' the laundry!"

Wyatt took Olivia's hand and brought her over to Maggie. She was huddled with a few other girls. There were no instruments in sight.

"Mama! You're at school with us!" Maggie grinned and hugged Olivia. Maggie's school shirt was dotted with light tan spots. Olivia guessed she'd sprayed apple juice on it during lunch.

"I am, sweet girl," Olivia smiled at her daughter and her friends, "Where are your recorders?"

"Over there," Maggie waved an arm aimlessly. "I lost a piece and so did Maddie so Mr. Harp's gettin' some extras."

On cue, Mr. Harp emerged from the office. Trailing him were two students and Miss Nordin. The veteran teacher immediately noticed the presence of another adult and made a beeline for Olivia.

"Hello! Welcome! So glad you stopped by!" She seemed genuinely excited to have a guest, "We're about to get started. Had a little hiccup with our recorders. Some of our kiddos forget to put all the pieces back into their cases at the end of class last time!"

Maggie and her friends smiled sheepishly.

Olivia laughed along with Miss Nordin all the while keeping one eye on Mr. Harp. Like Maggie said, he was young, probably early twenties, and most likely a student teacher of some sort. He was nattily dressed in crisp gray dress pants and a black, silky-looking oxford. The clothes were so tight-fitting, Mr. Harp had no margin for error when it came to possible weight gain. He approached the group with the spare recorder parts and passed them out to the little waiting hands.

"Here you go, ladies."

After a chorus of thank yous, Maggie and her friends dispersed to their seats.

"Chad," Miss Nordin said, "This is Maggie and Wyatt's mother, Olivia Tucker. Olivia, this is Chad Harp. He's an intern from Fordham and he's spending the next six weeks with us!"

Olivia shook his outstretched hand. "Nice to meet you," she said in a reserved voice. "Maggie mentioned having another teacher…"

"His bio will be in this week's newsletter," Miss Nordin said, accurately reading Olivia's mind, "We missed last week's deadline by two hours!"

"Well, they have to draw the line somewhere," Olivia mumbled.

Chad Harp excused himself and took his place at the director's podium. On his cue the children blew the tuning note. Olivia stepped to the side and listened to the first few bars of "When the Saints Come Marching In." There were several stops and starts before they got through the entire song more or less error free. At the next break, Olivia said goodbye to Maggie and Wyatt and sauntered out of the school. Her mind was somewhat at ease, but she planned to probe Maggie and Wyatt for more information as soon as they got home from school.

….

Wyatt looked tiny and a bit confused under the black cape. When the barber started combing his hair, Wyatt kept trying to look up and see what was going on. Ed pointed to the mirror. Wyatt smiled gratefully and observed the haircut practically paralyzed with fascination. Having wielded the scissors for many first haircuts, the barber lopped off as little as possible, leaving his brown locks still somewhat shaggy and framing his face yet short enough to stay out of his eyes.

"All set!" The barber removed the cape with a flourish.

"Look at you, sweet Wyatt!" Olivia tousled his new 'do and kissed his cheeks. "My big boy's so handsome!"

Wyatt's hands flew to his head. "Hair! Ha'cut!"

"Yes, sweet boy. You got a hair cut!" Olivia picked him up with her good arm. At about twenty-eight pounds, Wyatt wasn't exactly a featherweight, but he was in the booster seat and Olivia had enough leverage to hoist him onto her hip. He put his head on her shoulder and grinned lazily as they peered in the mirror.

"Hi, Mama," he cooed and grabbed a handful of her hair. "Mama hair!"

Olivia patted his back with the arm that was in the sling. She ignored the slight twinge of pain. Comforted and content, Wyatt put his fist in his mouth. His eyes drifted shut. By the time Maggie was corralled and the barber paid and tipped, Wyatt was fast asleep.

….

Ed was, indeed, folding laundry when Olivia returned. He could tell by her body language that the school visit had been at least a partial success; when she was worried or anxious she carried a noticeable burden.

"Get his prints?"

"Actually…" Olivia retorted, "They'll be on Maggie's recorder. She lost the middle section. So, yeah, I can have them run."

Ed laughed, for his question had been asked purely in jest. He tossed the last of the folded towels into the basket and took her into his arms. "Cop and a mother," he rasped as he started kissing her neck, "Nobody's gettin' away with anything as long as you're in the mix."

"I'm worried though...there are these rooms, sound proof, and the doors lock."

Olivia's palpable agony made Ed's heart ache. There was no way he was going to talk her down; decades of working at SVU had created an indelible pocket of fear in her psyche. Ed was sure the kids were fine. If Olivia really felt her children were in danger at school, she would have remained with them for the rest of the day and demanded to see Mr. Harp's background check forms.

Ed kept kissing her as she recounted the visit. He nibbled at her collarbone; she described how Wyatt and Maggie both gave her unabashed hugs. Ed moved to the skin behind her ear, her jaw; Olivia recalled how Miss Nordin had been enthusiastic, welcoming, and patient when the fifteen or so second-graders didn't exactly play the tune in unison.

Finally, he cupped the back of her head. His lips met hers, and he backed her against the wall beside the washer and dryer. Ed began grinding against her. The thrill of becoming aroused, the anticipation of making love to her-it would never get old, he would never tire of it. She kissed back with equal fervor. Her hands flew all over his back, under the waistband of the old khaki shorts he always wore around the house. Olivia wanted him right there. In the foyer. Her body pinned against the wall, his hands under her thighs; she didn't care if it was quicker than their usual routine, she needed his love to supplant the ugly thoughts in her head.

She needed to feel her husband loving her, hear his own grunts and groans, the moans, his cries when he came inside of her, his voice in her ear rasping "I love you" over and over because Ed Tucker loving her was all the assurance, all the security she needed.

….

Friday's major story, at least for Noah, was Wyatt's haircut. Ed ushered him into the apartment, having failed to mention anything about the trip to the barber shop. Noah went through his usual routine. He kicked his shoes off, hung his backpack on the dining room chair, and skipped to his room to change into shorts and a t-shirt. On the way he stopped in his tracks.

"WYATT HAS SHORT HAIR!"

Noah stood, slack-jawed, in the middle of the room pointing at his little brother who had been happily playing with his blocks. Never one to miss out on any action, Maggie came running for Noah and hugged his legs. Noah stumbled sideways but managed to stay upright. He half-carried Maggie as he walked to Wyatt's side.

"Wyatt you gotta haircut!"

Wyatt grinned up at his brother but nonchalantly went back to his construction.

Noah peeled Maggie away and rushed to his room. Maggie stayed on his heels the whole way there and back. Noah snapped a picture of Wyatt. "I gotta send dis to Sare Bear. She's gonna come to da party t'morrow and say, Where's Wyatt?"

Maggie pointed to Wyatt. "Wy, here! Wy here, No!"

Noah eventually got into his play clothes and ate a snack at the island. Olivia quizzed him about his day and checked his homework folder. She placed two worksheets on the credenza. Ed frowned at them-he hated the idea of homework for Kindergarteners-and took dinner suggestions. They settled on a simple chicken and vegetable stir-fry and ate the food together at the dining table. Noah walked the twins through their second birthday party. He made sure to include reminders about the candles and to say thank-you after opening each gift.

"Brooke said she went to a first birthday party a couple weeks ago and the kid didn't open the presents. She got a thank-you card a week later. Apparently, that's the trend."

Olivia looked shocked. "That's the fun part!" She said in protest, as if Ed actually believed they should do the same thing for Maggie and Wyatt. "I love watching them open the presents!"

"Gotta open da presents," Noah agreed, his mouth full.

"I know," Ed replied, "I thought it was weird, too."

Olivia spent some of the evening on the phone with Fin and Rollins. They briefed her on a few in-progress cases and a couple more they'd caught since the shooting. They also mentioned the woman who'd fought so desperately for her son to receive medical marijuana had, once again, broken a plea deal and had been picked up overnight. Rollins repeated her cynical observation-the woman was on a crusade. She was using the police and the entire justice system to get attention for the cause. Olivia didn't say much in reply, but she brought it up later as she and Ed settled in under the covers.

"Rollins wants to hate her," she said, "But I get it. The woman's desperate. I think she's right, she told me once, she saw the pictures in my office, she told me she bet I'd do anything to make sure my kids were safe and healthy and she's absolutely right."

"All she needs to do is go to Connecticut," Ed remarked.

"She shouldn't have to go there," Olivia replied. "That's her point. That's the whole purpose in her continuing to intentionally get arrested."

"Yeah...but...this isn't the Civil Rights Movement, Liv. There are ways she can get what she needs. Is she really thinkin' about her kid? Really? She's bringin' politics into it."

"You wouldn't break the law for our kids?"

"Sure I would. But I wouldn't make a political thing about it."

Olivia slowly turned over onto her good side and gazed at Ed. He was only an inch or two away from her; there were five pillows on their bed, but he was still insisting on sharing hers. "You hate politicians."

"Not my favorite people in the world."

"Why?"

"Even the good ones...you don't get into that game, you don't get into those offices, into those arenas without being dishonest, without cutting corners, without at least flirtin' with corruption…"

"You're a good man, Ed Tucker."

She puckered her lips for a kiss and he obliged "I love you, Liv."

"I love you." Olivia kissed him again and stared intently into his eyes. "Touch me, Ed."

He raised his eyebrows.

"I know you'll be careful."

He slid a hand under her shirt and began caressing her breasts. Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep, satisfied breath. Ed propped himself on an elbow, leaned in, and kissed her passionately. It was like the first few kisses they'd shared years ago-unhurried and sensual. Olivia moaned softly and her lips curled into a smile when she felt Ed move his fingers between her legs.

"Oh God, I want you," she whimpered. "I need you."

"I want you, too, baby." He shimmied out of his shorts and tugged hers off as well. The positioning was a little tricky, Ed had a little more than half her body to work with; he proceeded as gently as possible.

"Oh, Ed, honey…"

"You alright?"

"Yes," she gasped, "Oh, God, you feel so good. I missed you."

"So do you, baby." Ed gripped one of her thighs and paused to look her in the eyes. "Stop me if you need to."

"I need you to not stop."

He grinned and kissed the tip of her nose. "Yes Ma'am. I missed you, too."

At one point Olivia became so lost in the pleasure she reached for his hip like she always did when she wanted him to go faster. She took a deep, sharp breath. Ed immediately knew it wasn't the oh-God-this-is-so-good breath. He stilled inside of her.

"Keep going," she croaked.

"You're not okay."

"I am, I...forgot," She cupped his face with her other hand, "You made me forget anything was wrong...and...nothing's wrong." She lifted her hips a bit and repeated, "Nothing. Is. Wrong."

Ed kissed her and started again, just as slowly as he'd begun several minutes ago. He was so happy to be there, with her, naked, sweaty, slick, hearing her soft, sated cries, feeling her begin to writhe and arch her back, watching her head fly back, kissing her exposed neck, brushing damp strands of hair away from her face...he forgot all about the terror of possibly losing her, he forgot about the bullet hurtling through the air, caroming off a post, and choosing to make contact with her bicep rather than her head or her heart.

She was moaning incoherently now, eyes closed, mouth hanging open but also beginning to curl into a little smile, he could feel her beneath him, he had so much power, so many ways to make her feel this good, to make her dizzy and delirious, speechless afterward as her chest rose and fell with each steadying breath.

Ed rested his head beneath her chin and closed his eyes.

He didn't say it, it wouldn't have been fair, at least, not right now, but he was thinking it.

He couldn't live without her.

….

#Tuckson