Thirty-two.

The weather cooperated perfectly for the twins' birthday. The temperature was in the mid-seventies and, other than a few non-threatening cumulus clouds, the sun shone down on the city from a gleaming blue sky. Sarah arrived early and set up the balloon arch with Ed's assistance. They hung the "Happy 2nd Birthday" mylar banner and spread the table cloths over two of the tables. When they were finished, Sarah stepped back, arms akimbo, and nodded approvingly.

"Looks good."

"Sure does," Ed tried to stifle a yawn, "Thanks a lot."

"Up late last night?" Sarah asked. She dialed down the teasing tone a bit. When she saw Olivia earlier-sitting up in bed with her arm in a sling-it didn't look like she was up to long nights filled with wild sex.

"Didn't sleep great."

"Don't want to roll over and hurt Livvie?"

"Somethin' like that."

"Want me to watch the kids so you can catch a nap before everyone gets here?"

"Nah," Ed gave Sarah an appreciative smile. He realized the two of them hadn't spent that much time together in the past few months. Since Sarah and Justin had gotten serious, her regular requests to grab drinks or lunch were few and far between.

"Sure?" Sarah asked, her eyes wide and eager.

Ed assumed, no matter how old she got, her face would always have an innocent, childlike quality about it. She loosened her mountain of blonde hair, twisted it, and reclipped it back on top of her head.

"I'm sure. We only have a couple hours anyway. I better go start gettin' ready, make sure Liv has everything...get the twins dressed."

"Livvie showed me their outfits," Sarah said, bursting with excitement, "They are a-dor-a-ble!"

Ed grinned. The baseball-style shirts were gray with purple sleeves for Maggie and black for Wyatt. A script "two" was printed on the front; the back featured their names and the numeric version of their age. Olivia ordered them months ago. The shirts were paired with khaki, military-style cargo pants. Completing the outfit were matching gray-and-white Old Soles sneakers.

Sarah gathered her things and handed the roll of tape and scissors back to Ed. "I'll go. I have to wrap the presents!"

"Alright. Justin's comin' right?"

"Yep. He had a late shift last night so he's sleeping as long as possible."

"Good for him."

Sarah started walking to the elevator but stopped when she realized Ed wasn't following her. "Dad? You coming?"

"I'm gonna stay up here for a few minutes," he said. "Go ahead. See ya in a bit. And...thanks again."

He turned around and didn't see the funny look on Sarah's face.

"No problem…" she mumbled, "...See ya…"

….

Ed found out Sarah had planned to stay with him for Memorial Day weekend as he was closing out a few items on Friday afternoon. He pretended to be annoyed by the short notice, but he was thrilled to have some company. She arrived on an early train, dropped her bags at his apartment, and met him at one of the neighborhood dive bars he frequented. It was a few blocks away from the place she, Brooke, and Olivia had used to surprise him about a month earlier.

"Hey, Daddio!" Sarah hopped off the stool as soon as he entered and gave him a bear hug. Clad in tight jeans, wedges, and a frilly frock, she was decidedly out of place in the establishment. "You're just in time...I didn't realize this place doesn't take cards and I can only keep the bartender at bay for so long."

Ed waved to the familiar face and shot him an apologetic eye roll. He brought over a bourbon, neat the way Ed preferred, and mumbled a terse hello under his breath. Sarah grinned. She imagined her father sitting alone in this place for hours, staring at the grainy television, and exchanging brief, gruff comments about the Yankees or the Mets. Some social life he had.

"You go to work today?" Ed asked.

"I left at noon. Brought some stuff with me, so make sure I'm up kind of early tomorrow."

"Somethin' wrong with your alarm?"

"Daddy!"

He smirked. "Joking. I'll make sure you're up. Sixish?"

"Try eightish."

"Yes ma'am."

"So," Sarah bunched the damp cocktail napkin around her glass, "Will we be seeing Olivia and Noah this weekend?"

"That didn't take long," Ed muttered.

"Well I can't wait for you to offer up the deets." Sarah slurped the rest of the liquid and signaled for another. "Are we seeing them or not?"

"I guess I can call her."

"You guess?" Sarah's eyes were wide and filled with disappointment. "Did you break up?"

"Sare, we're not exactly together."

"What does that mean?"

"She's got a lot goin' on...she's busy, the adoption was just finalized, she took some time to be with Noah. I gotta give her some space."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

Ed shook his head dismissively and tried to change the subject; Sarah would never understand. "What are you thinkin' about doin while you're here?"

"I would like to have dinner with Olivia and Noah," Sarah replied curtly. "And you of course. And maybe Brooke. If we can convince her to stop grading papers or whatever it is she does in that Bronx hovel."

"She's doin' good work up there."

Sarah giggled because her father did not at all sound like he believed what he said. "Yeah, yeah...God's work."

"Right."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, but Sarah wasn't about to give up on the topic of Olivia. "It doesn't hurt to give her a call," Sarah said, "And tell her I'm here and want to see her. You can use me as an excuse!" She shot him a triumphant grin, "Because I know you want to see her. You love her."

"I love her?"

"Yes you do. You cannot deny it. I know what love looks like."

"Really."

"Yes. Especially when one of the parties is my Dad. You get all smiley and adorable...and you like Noah and he likes you."

"It's not that simple."

"Well, it should be."

Ed nodded. "Yeah…"

"So...let's call her!"

"Alright." Ed felt his face flush as he pulled the phone from his pocket. He was telling the truth; he wanted to give Olivia space, but he also wanted to see her. He didn't see her nearly enough.

"Should I call or text?"

"Call. Then she knows you really mean it."

Ed made the call. Olivia picked up, but she was in the middle of something and promised to call back in a few minutes. Ed put the phone screen side up on the bar and helped himself to a handful of stale snack mix before downing the rest of his drink.

Sarah stared at her father. When he met her eyes, it was like looking in the mirror. She had inherited his intensity, but she had coupled it with a level of tenacity Ed himself had never owned. "So, tell me the truth and then we'll drop it," she said.

"The truth?"

"Yep."

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Never promise anything in a bar."

"A bar is precisely where all promises should be considered genuine."

Ed rolled his eyes again, "Whatever. I promise. What is it?"

"Olivia-you are really in love with her aren't you?"

After a deep, contemplative breath, Ed responded in his most sincere tone. "She's been through a lot, Sarah. I don't think she trusts many people. I don't think she trusts...love." Ed said the word "love" as if it were completely foreign to him. "But I want her to trust me. And I'm in...this strange position...of really not knowing what to do. That's why I'm takin' things so slow. We have a lot to work through, a lot to tell each other, a lot...of reckoning with the past."

"Damn."

"But it's not impossible. It's just gonna take time."

"Well damn," Sarah scrunched up her nose and slapped the bar, "I was hoping you could just get married and live happily ever after."

"Doesn't work like that."

"It should."

Ed laughed, slung an arm around her shoulders, and kissed the side of her head. "Maybe someday."

…..

Despite being in her eighties and, having what she called an "uncooperative hip," Caroline parked herself on the prickly indoor-outdoor carpeting and played with Sofia, Maggie, and Wyatt. Ed brought a few of the larger toys up to the roof, so, for their entertainment, the kids had a portable playground as well as the bowling pins, two soccer balls, crayons, and large drawing paper.

The vast rooftop space was loosely divided into three areas. There was a section with lounge chairs, tropical looking green plants, and a bar with fixed stools. Residents used this area for informal gatherings and sunbathing. The outdoor kitchen and dining space included three full size barbecue grills and seven large round tables. Finally, there was another lounge area with loveseats. The Tuckers reserved a grill and two tables for their party, but the other spaces were empty and they parked themselves on the loveseats for cocktails.

"This is the most perfect day," Sarah said, leaning against Justin. "I hope it's exactly like this for our wedding."

"Wish we could order the weather," Justin said. "It's gorgeous."

"GOJUS!" Maggie exclaimed.

Brooke scooped up Maggie and snuggled her. "You know that word, small sister?"

"She knows it 'cause that's what Daddy call Mommy!" Noah grinned from ear to ear. "Wyatt know it, too, but small sister talks more."

Ed mussed Wyatt's hair. "You choose your words wisely, dontcha, bud?"

Wyatt grinned at Ed but quickly went back to entertaining Sofia by placing different shaped blocks into the corresponding holes in a plastic sphere.

"Wyatt reminds me of me," Caroline said. "Smart, analytical, doesn't get too worked up."

Almost everyone groaned in disagreement.

"What?" Caroline retorted. She whirled her neck around to look at everyone, even Sonny and Brooke who were behind her.

"Gramma," Sarah said, "You are the most likely to get worked up!"

"Only when there's been an injustice."

"Omigod."

Brooke chimed in, "Grams, Maggie is more like you. Wyatt's like Dad who is like Grandpa."

Ed had purposely placed himself on Olivia's left side. He put his arm around her and offered another opinion. "All three of 'em take after my wife," he said softly.

"Well, duh," Sarah said. "They're beautiful, smart, and very sweet. Even though small sister wiggles out of hugs. Come here, Maggie may, I wanna kiss."

"NO KISS SAH!"

Sarah gripped her chest and pouted. "No kiss? I am so sad."

"Maggie," Olivia said, "Go give Sarah a kiss. She's sad."

"Sah sad," Maggie got up and skipped to Sarah to give the kiss. She then kissed Justin, Sonny, Brooke, and Caroline. She stopped at Sofia and, rather than kiss the baby, she clambered into Olivia's lap.

"Maggie," Olivia said, "Give Sofia a kiss."

"Ma kiss!" Maggie puckered her lips.

Olivia kissed her then placed her back on her feet. "Go give Sof a kiss."

Maggie kissed Sofia's head then promptly plopped herself in Caroline's lap. Caroline wrapped her arms around Maggie and snuggled her. "You are my favorite grandbaby," she said in her raspy voice.

"GRANDMA!"

"Gramma Careline!"

"Ma!"

Sonny doubled over and shook with laughter. Brooke had to grab his beer to keep it from spilling. "I love this family," he said. "Never a dull moment with any of you."

Olivia was the only one who heard Brooke's comment. She murmured it under her breath at the same time Noah and the three little ones burst into chatter.

Olivia jerked her head in Brooke's direction and stared at her inquisitively until Brooke made eye contact. Either intentionally brushing off the remark or thinking Olivia hadn't heard, Brooke grinned and said something about how much she was enjoying herself.

"Perfect day," she said buoyantly. "Really perfect."

…

In the years since Ed and Olivia used the proceeds from the sale of Ed's Hell's Kitchen apartment to purchase their Bethany Beach home, the area had remained relatively unaltered. A few attractions, shops, and restaurants had opened in town and along the boardwalk and families looking to escape the garishness of the Jersey Shore and Ocean City gradually relocated to newly constructed condos. As they spent more time in the town, Ed had become involved in its local governing board and Olivia volunteered for the beautification committee which was responsible for maintaining gardens in the small public parks and in the tiny green spaces in the major intersections. Olivia came to find out she had a green thumb and an eye for landscape design, and, each spring, in addition to her civic contributions, she worked assiduously to transform their narrow strip of backyard into an oasis of bright flowers, lush greenery, and intricately laid brick pavers leading to the boardwalk and beach but also jutting out into the fire pit area. The view from the porch was one of her favorites-it included the splendor of her creation but also the natural beauty of the sea grass, sand, and white capped waves crashing ashore. Over the years she'd collected too many favorite moments to count, but, on a daily basis, she treasured sipping coffee and making small talk with whoever was awake to join her. On this particular morning, with Wyatt, Noah, and Ed getting the jet skis into the water, Olivia shared the porch with Mia.

"Tell me about this play," Olivia rocked herself on the swing and Mia stretched out in one of the chairs. The girl, rather, young woman, looked almost exactly like her childhood self. Her thick black hair was tied back in a tight ponytail, dark eyes sparkled with inherent zest for all things fun, and her face was still dotted with prominent freckles the color of weathered pennies.

"It's a good story," Mia said, "I play a gifted girl who has grown up on an Indian reservation and is trying against all odds to break away from everything-young pregnancy, drugs, alcoholism, lack of education…"

"Wow. Sounds heavy. But good."

"It is."

"And," Olivia hoped she wasn't being too forward or revealing too much of her concern for Noah's fragile heart. "It's a year-long stint?"

"Yep. Well, longer. We start in November, so about a year and a half."

"It'll be good to be in one place for a while?"

"Yeah...this last year hasn't been exactly me settling down." Mia ticked off the places she'd lived-Chicago, Denver, Seattle, and several towns outside of Los Angeles. "I know…" she bit her lip, "...I, well, thanks for being so nice to me, I know I don't deserve it."

Olivia started to say something, but Mia continued.

"Noah was so nice to invite me here, he knows I love it, and you and Ed, too, you've always dropped everything to make me feel welcome and part of the family. I owe you more than what I did to Noah."

For the second time in a span of minutes, Olivia's chance to respond was interrupted. Maggie burst through the screen door in her typical, aggressive fashion and draped her body over Olivia, ironically, in the fashion Mia used to hug Noah when they were Kindergarteners.

"Good morning to you, sweet girl," Olivia said, her voice barely audible because Maggie's arm was blocking her mouth. "To what do I owe this?"

"You made my chai. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Morning, Maggie," Mia said brightly.

"Hey," Maggie took a sip of the chai and toed on her flip flops. "I'm gonna go walk."

"Okay, honey. The boys went to get an early breakfast. Do you want me to make you something?"

Maggie scrunched up her face. "What time is it?"

"Ten," Olivia replied, "Or we can do brunch and a little shopping?" There was nothing Olivia loved more than going to eat and spend some money with her daughter and then spend the rest of the day lazing on the beach. She always bought Maggie a stack of magazines and they passed them back and forth during the afternoon.

"Yeah, let's do that."

The sound of Maggie's flip-flops slapping against the pavers grew fainter as she made her way toward the beach. Olivia and Mia watched her until she disappeared over the berm.

"She still hates me," Mia mumbled.

"Give her some time," Olivia said reassuringly. "She'll come around. She always does."

…..

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR MAGGIE AND WYATT! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

The Tuckers never made it to the picnic tables. They remained on the loveseats and ate from paper plates balanced on laps or, for the kids, placed on the long coffee table. Never strict about meal time, Ed and Olivia watched their brood hop between toys and food. Pieces of hot dog and hamburger fell between Duplo blocks and into plastic seams. Wyatt toddled over for bites of potato salad and promptly returned to the mural he and Noah were creating. Noah drew one-handed. Maggie smacked the paper, leaving mustard and ketchup streaks. Neither Ed nor Olivia cared.

When it was time for birthday cake, the coffee table was cleared. Maggie and Wyatt stood in their places and Ed and Olivia put their personalized birthday cakes in front of them. The four lit candles flickered a bit. When the song concluded, the two-year-olds blew out the candles and jumped up and down in response to the applause.

"NO!" Maggie pointed at her extinguished candles. "I BO NO!"

"Yes you did, small sister!" Noah hugged both his siblings. "Good job. Now ya get to eat da cake." He plucked the candles and placed them to the side. "Go 'head. Eat!"

The twins attacked their cakes with their regular plastic forks. Brooke and Sarah served everyone else slices of a third dessert. Caroline uncorked a bottle of Irish whiskey, another souvenir she'd brought back from their trip to Ireland, and poured everyone a generous serving into plastic cups.

Brooke winced. "God, I hate this."

"Heresy!" Caroline snapped.

"It's good," Sonny said. "Once you get used to it. Like jumping into a really cold pool."

"Yeah, that's exactly what it's like," Brooke muttered.

"What about you, Justin?" Caroline asked, "Do you like it?"

"Not bad," he said. If he was bothered by the burn of the alcohol it wasn't apparent. "It's smooth. Reminds me of this rum my Grandma used to bring back from Puerto Rico. I don't like rum, or hard liquor really, but a good one...I can do that."

Caroline ran her fingers through her short gray hair and simpered at Justin. He grinned back at her, his white teeth gleamed against his almond skin. In the past few weeks he'd allowed his hair to grow longer and his head was filled with soft, half-inch-long black curls.

"You need to bring me some of that rum, honey," Caroline said. "Or maybe we can all go to Puerto Rico. I have the travel itch now that I'm in my eighties."

"We may go there for our honeymoon," Justin said, "Maybe you should join us."

Clearly, he was joking, but Sarah slapped his chest. "No way."

"I'm a good traveler!" Caroline protested, going along with Justin's joke. "All I require is a car and someone to carry my bags. After that, I'm self-sufficient."

Perhaps feeling a little slighted from earlier, Noah sidled up to Caroline. "Gramma, I wanna go on a trip with you!"

"Where should we go? Summer vacation is coming up."

"You gonna come to the beach with us?"

"Yes, I must."

"Den after that we either go to Paris or to Disney."

The adults broke into polite laughter. Caroline kissed Noah's forehead. "We'll decide in the next couple weeks."

…

Ed handed Olivia a small, stemless glass filled with port. He took his place next to her on the swing and held her as close as possible while still allowing the two of them to take occasional sips.

"Good day," he said softly.

"I guess."

"You guess?"

"I don't know what's going to happen with Noah and Mia, but Maggie is going to need some serious convincing before she warms up to the two of them together."

Brow furrowed, Ed asked, "You think they're gonna get together?"

"You don't?"

"I dunno, Liv. Noah loves her. And I told him...if he loves her...not to give up...but I don't know if I actually believe that."

"He's so happy…"

"He is."

"Can we let that ride for this week?" Olivia looked up at him, her brown eyes hopeful and optimistic.

"Let's do that."

Even in her mid-sixties, Olivia's skin was still smooth and supple. She was the woman others envied, for she had no trade secret, no specialized skin care routine. Other than simple face cream, Olivia had only her genes to thank.

Ed kissed her in his typical, possessive fashion, holding one of her cheeks and opening his mouth wide. The sea breeze sent strands of her hair into his face and the sound of the waves provided the perfect backdrop to their amorous few minutes.

"Let's go for a walk," he suggested, whispering in her ear in his raspiest voice.

Olivia agreed. "Wanna grab the rest of that port?"

"Absolutely."

…

While Caroline, Olivia, Sarah, and Justin played cribbage and sipped whiskey on the roof, Ed and Brooke began bussing leftovers and trash down to the apartment. There weren't many dishes to clean, so they washed them by hand and put the silverware in the dishwasher. The kids stayed upstairs as well, so the solace of the apartment was a stark contrast to their sometimes raucous afternoon.

"Sofia looks like she's about to start crawlin."

"She's close," Brooke said, smiling proudly, "She gets up and rocks on her hands and knees, looks to see if we're watching, and then collapses."

"She'll get it."

"Yeah…"

"Sonny okay? I haven't seen him much."

"Yeah, working a lot. I think they're all kind of asserting themselves now that Olivia is really actually leaving. He thinks Fin's close to retiring, too, so he's thinking of taking the Sergeant's exam."

Brooke relayed all of this information in her typical matter-of-fact manner, but Ed sensed she wasn't totally on board with his plan.

"I'm surprised he hasn't taken it already," Ed replied, "But...I'm also surprised he hasn't made the switch to the DA's office or even private practice. But then again, I can't see him as a defense attorney."

This got a chuckle out of Brooke. "That's for sure."

"Whaddya you want him to do?"

"I really don't know."

Ed took a peripheral look at his eldest daughter. Unlike Sarah, Brooke seemed to show signs of aging each time he saw her. Dark circles had formed in half moons under her eyes. Her skin was sallow in some places, blotchy in others, and a few gray hairs had sprung up among her dirty blonde locks.

"You know what I don't get?" Brooke blurted the question out so unexpectedly Ed took two startled steps backwards.

"What's that?"

"How people just move on." Ed stared back at her with a blank expression so she continued, "All this shit we've all handled in the past couple of years. Sonny shot a perp, Olivia gets shot, Sarah gets divorced, mom has a stroke, dies, I practically adopt Aidan and then he goes and lives with Dave, I have a miscarriage...it's like, am I seriously the only one who's stuck?"

"You feel stuck?"

"I feel heavy. I feel like everyone else knows how to shake off death, tragedy, depression, anxiety...but I keep it all with me."

Ed had no idea how to respond. Brooke was clearly in distress and tired of trying to hide it. So, instead of trying to counsel her, he launched into an admission of his own. "I can't sleep," he said. "I doze off but then I have a dream, or, rather, I see Olivia, in the morgue, think about how they would have had to call me in to make a decision or identify the body...I can't get it outta my head."

"Dad…"

"She doesn't know. Well, she must know, something, because I can't let her out of my sight for long, like, right now, I know she's fine, she's happy up there playin' a game and being normal but I'm operating in the world of worst case scenarios. I'm worried about infection, about…" Ed buried his face in his hands, "...about how I'm so pissed off about the time she and I will never have."

"Dad," Brooke grasped his forearm and forced him to look at her. "You always told me, you were always the one who told me, dwelling on what didn't happen is a waste of time."

"I said that before my wife was shot."

Brooke took a deep breath. "Dad, I have to admit, well, you probably know, it has taken me a long time to reconcile your relationship with mom with your relationship with Olivia. I think...I think I've resented her and you a little bit..for a while...and I feel guilty about that because I shouldn't feel that way when you're so happy."

Ed tried to lighten the mood. "I know we annoy people sometimes," he said, "Even Noah. But...I can't help it."

Brooke managed a weak smile. "I wish I was like Sarah. She's always so...I wanna be like Dad and Livvie...and she really tries...and I'm...I don't get Dad and Olivia."

"You don't get us?"

"You're like the movies," Brooke said, "It's too perfect."

"You're thinkin' that because you don't think you deserve too perfect," Ed took Brooke's hands. "It's okay to be happy, Brooke. It's okay for nothing to be wrong." He smiled apologetically, "Took me a while to understand that. I didn't think I was living unless there was something wrong, something I had to handle...and it's okay to be happy when things have gone wrong. If we let all the bad stuff overtake us...it'd be pretty miserable."

"I've been miserable for a year," Brooke moaned.

"And I think I've known that. And I feel bad that I haven't made you talk about it."

"You couldn't have."

Ed chuckled. "Yeah, I could have." He hugged Brooke tightly. "I want you to be happy. And I want you to be happy for a long, long time. Starting now. Focus on the good stuff. The bad, sad stuff will always happen, always be there, but we need to let the good prevail, Brooke. If we don't…" Ed trailed off.

"Since when have you been so sappy?" Brooke asked, nudging her Dad.

He grinned.

"Since her."

…

#Tuckson