Thirty-three.

Sarah posed the question to Noah first, formally, with the utmost solemnity.

"Noey, do you think it would be okay if we take the twinsies to Max Brenner next week on our Wednesday?"

All eyes were on Noah. Everyone knew Max Brenner was a special place. It was the location of one of the first "dates" he had with Brooke, and it was a regular stop when he spent time at Sarah's Union Square apartment. Noah always eagerly included the twins in most activities and outings, but Wednesdays after school and certain places, like Max Brenner and DaVinci Art Supplies, were strictly off-limits to anyone else.

His expression did not indicate he was going to agree, so Sarah issued a preemptive alternative and kicked herself for suggesting they share their Wednesdays in the first place. "Actually, I can do two days next week. How about we keep our Wednesday and we take the twins Friday? I would take them myself, but I need you!"

Noah giggled. "You can't take care of 'em all by yourself!"

"No, I cannot."

"Kay, we go Friday."

"Good deal."

Noah eyed the rambunctious twins. Everyone had retreated back to the apartment for presents. After a fairly organized first round, the twins tore into the gift wrap, throwing it in random directions, and squealed as each new toy was revealed.

"TUCK!" Sarah and Justin had given Wyatt a remote control dump truck that was huge and probably a little complicated for his age, but Wyatt was content watching Noah work the buttons.

"BAY" Maggie's new baby doll cried, could be fed with a special bottle, and also required diaper changes.

"BALL! BALL NO!" The twins also received a soccer goal and an activity board which required the kids to toss bean bags through a variety of different shaped and sized holes.

"BOCKS!"

"TANE!"

The gifts from their parents confused them-a tool bench and a magnetic tile play set. Ed and Olivia laughed at their expressions. When the toys were unboxed and put together, they would understand. Presents from Noah-books and puzzles-were met with more enthusiasm than Sarah predicted and she swooned when the twins each grabbed a book and took it to their brother.

"READ, NO!"

"Maggie, Wyatt," Olivia cooed. She had had a dreamy smile on her face the entire afternoon, "What do you say to everyone?"

"TAY YOU!

"TAY YOUUUU!"

After that, they cuddled in the large bean bag with Noah and he began to read. Wyatt put his fist in his mouth and Maggie positioned a stuffed bear on Noah's shoulder so her head was at the perfect angle.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

"Eddie, you better thank the good Lord everyday," Caroline said, her voice significantly softer than usual.

Olivia wiped away tears.

Brooke cradled Sofia and kissed her head.

Ed simpered at his youngest three kids-his second round-and he was nearly knocked sideways by all they symbolized. "I do, Ma," he croaked in a voice audible only because everyone had fallen silent. Except, of course, for Noah who was narrating The Very Busy Spider.

…

Ed slapped the morning New York Times on the island and placed Olivia's coffee and bagel in front of her. He admired her while she read the front page-in her tank top, pajama pants, and messy morning hair, it was almost unfair how sexy she looked.

"Hmph," she grumbled, "David Haden. Running for state assembly. Interesting."

"You know him, right?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. Ed knew damn well the extent to which she knew him. "Yeah, I know him." Ed's morning routine included going out for the paper and coffee (Olivia had an e-subscription to the paper and she was often out of K-cups which Ed hated anyway), so she wasn't bothered by Ed's teasing smirk. "I take it he's not getting your vote?"

"I didn't say that."

"Well," Olivia unfolded the paper and spread it on the counter, "He must be assuming everyone has short memories."

"Don't people?"

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "I always come to realize memories are hopelessly long."

"Wasn't my case," Ed said, "But it read like his resignation was pro forma. He went right into private practice. It was that Foster lady who was guilty."

"He didn't catch it."

"Who would've?"

Olivia narrowed her eyes. "Why are we talking about this?"

Ed swallowed. Hard. He was picking an argument. Creating a problem. And for what? So he could hear Olivia say she trusted him more than David Haden? That she thought he was a better investigator than Haden? That she loved him more than Haden? Had she loved Haden?

"I...uh…" Ed stammered and looked hopelessly at the dormant Kuerig, "Sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

He shrugged sheepishly. "I get jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Yeah."

"David Haden has nothing to do with us. I haven't seen him in... years."

"You dated him."

"Yeah...and I dated people in high school and college...and so did you. And you were also married."

"I'm jealous of all those people." Ed was hoping he could escape this semi-awkward exchange by being so ridiculous he was cute. He let his eyelids droop and he puckered his lips slightly.

"Ed?"

"Huh?"

"What are we doing here?"

He rounded the island and wrapped her in a tight embrace. In the living room, Noah was occupied with cartoons, milk, and a blueberry muffin. It was a dreary morning, the clouds threatened rain, and Ed hoped Olivia would want to spend most of the morning cuddled up on the couch. But first, he had to set things straight.

"Sometimes I think...Liv, I...I don't want this to end."

He was still holding her, but she gently pushed him away. "Do you feel like it's going to end?"

"I...feel like everything does, eventually."

"Why are you thinking like this all of a sudden?" She furrowed her brow. "I'm the one who's supposed to feel that way."

"You don't?"

"It's been...hard," Olivia sighed, "Hard for me to balance, it all, but I want to keep...us...Ed. I…" she bit her lip. "...I love you. And I love you here with me, and Noah, especially on a lazy day like today. There's no one else I want. Wouldn't trade you for anyone."

A relieved smile crossed his face. "I love you."

They traded a few kisses. Olivia kept her arms around his waist but leaned her shoulders back. She had a mischievous grin on her face. "So, you get jealous, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you for telling me."

"I thought you kinda knew."

"I did," she said, "But it's different hearing you say it."

…

While Ed tidied up the living room and kitchen, Olivia kissed the kids goodnight and went to the bedroom. She removed the sling and stretched, taking care to be as cautious as possible. The arm hadn't bothered her much all day, even when she helped unpackage the twins' new toys and lifted them both into their cribs. Keeping the arm immobile and at the same angle grew tiresome by the evenings, but it was only since that morning that she felt comfortable moving it around freely. She moved her neck in circles and rotated her shoulders. Hoping Ed would agree to give her a gentle massage, she laid in the middle of the bed on her stomach. By the time he joined her, Olivia was fast asleep.

Ed changed into his boxers and, shirtless, crawled in next to her. He hated to wake her, but she was still in the jeans and t-shirt she'd worn all day; nevertheless, her face was so serene and peaceful he laid there for several minutes watching her sleep. He rolled a section of her hair between his fingers and took long, deep breaths. The day's activities had not eliminated the scent of the shampoo and lotions she used.

His own exhaustion weighed upon him and he closed his eyes. A few minutes, he told himself, a few minutes of shut-eye, then I'll get her to change clothes. However, when Olivia's voice roused him from what had apparently been a fitful slumber, the lamps were still turned on and it was almost three a.m.

"Ed? Ed, honey? Wake up."

His eyes shot open. "You alright?"

"Yes," Olivia replied drowsily. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, smearing mascara and eye shadow around her temples. "Are you?"

"Yeah...didn't mean to fall asleep for so long…"

"You were talking, whining sort of, and rolling all over. I thought you were going to fall off the bed. Sorry. I meant to stay awake."

"Me too." Ed quickly gathered himself. " C'mon. Let's getcha outta those clothes."

"Wait." Olivia reached out to him, "What were you dreaming about?"

Ed vigorously rubbed his face and breathed between his fingers. Olivia was not taking his eyes off him. He arranged pillows against the headboard and leaned against them. "I wanna hold you," he said. It was both an admission and an apology. He fixated on her arm, at the gauze he'd wrapped and taped that morning. "I wanna hold you, but I can't. Not like I want to."

"Honey." Olivia shimmied over to him and leaned against his chest on her good side. She could feel what he meant-no matter what position they used, Ed couldn't totally envelop her in his grasp. He couldn't wrap his arms around her torso and clasp his hands together. It was another agonizing consequence of the shooting. It was impossible for Olivia to hug her children, help with dinner, put on her belt, shield, and weild a gun. She would go back to work Monday and direct SVU from her desk for the final weeks of her career. It wasn't how she wanted it to end, and she'd been consumed with regret thinking about it. While she was wallowing in motherly and work-related self-pity, Ed had been by her side all along mad at the world because he couldn't hold her.

"This works," she murmured.

He tangled his fingers in her hair and lightly scratched her scalp. "If you say so."

"Ed, I-"

"-I'm sorry, Liv. I didn't mean it to sound like that...like I'm blamin' you." He kissed her head and repeated the apology. "I'm sorry."

"It'll heal, Ed."

"Yeah."

He didn't sound convinced. She saw his hand tremble ever so slightly and wished she could power through and hold it. "It will. A few weeks. Maybe less for me to at least be able to move a little more."

"I know."

"Can we improvise until then?"

"Of course. Whatever you want."

Olivia frowned. His voice was hollow and distant. She couldn't remember him ever sounding like that, even when he was sitting on the opposite side of the table, interrogating her or a member of her squad.

"What else, Ed?"

A shy, reluctant smile formed on his face. He kissed her head and mumbled, "Cop."

"Tell me. I can handle it."

He took a deep breath and launched into what amounted to a litany of every dark, terrifying thought he'd kept bottled up since the shooting. Nightly dreams filled with funerals and haunting, organ-led dirges. Moments of intense panic when he pictured bullets flying and riddling her body, leaving singed holes in her clothing and skin. And, finally, the calculation that stuck with him since he first saw her in the emergency room-six inches higher and the flesh wound would have been potentially fatal head trauma.

"Everything before-the standoff downtown, the Crivellos' house-I kinda knew it'd go our way. It was horrible, I was worried, but not like this. It's...we...we, it took us so long to find each other and who woulda ever predicted we'd be married and happy and have three beautiful, perfect kids? I can't lose you, Liv. I can't."

By the time he finished, Olivia's cheeks were stained with tears. He dried them the best he could with his thumbs.

"I didn't wanna tell you. You got enough to deal with-"

Despite her obvious anguish, Olivia's voice was steady and confident. "Don't keep these things inside, Ed. Even if, especially if, it might upset me. We're a team, remember?"

"Yeah."

"I love you," Olivia gave him a firm, reassuring kiss, "I love you so, so much."

…

As the kids got older, Ed made it a common practice to take each one to individually Christmas shop for their siblings and for Olivia. By mid-November he had taken Noah and Wyatt. Maggie, though only eight years old, had a busy social and academic calendar, so she was more difficult to commandeer on a Saturday afternoon. The weekend before Thanksgiving gave him a window of opportunity, and father and daughter set out early, had a late breakfast, and started their quest at Chelsea Market.

"Thanks for the gigantic muffin Daddy!" Maggie exclaimed as she skipped alongside Ed, holding his hand with her mittened fingers. She grinned up at him, a few crumbs were still stuck to her face, and wisps of her thick brown hair flipped out from under her navy knit beanie.

Ed gently brushed the crumbs away, "You're welcome. Savin' some for later?"

Maggie giggled, "Daaaddy!"

Even though she'd already had one hot chocolate at the diner, Maggie requested and received another at a kiosk inside the market. She took a few sips but gave the cup to Ed when they entered the first shop. Maggie needed her hands free for browsing. She inspected a few scarves and pieces of handcrafted jewelry. One vendor offered a variety of embroidered throw blankets and Maggie murmured how they could get one printed with Olivia's name but she quickly reconsidered.

"We have a lot of blankies," she murmured.

"People like to give blankets for presented," Ed explained, "They're safe."

"Safe?"

"Yup. Not many people are gonna be upset with getting a blanket."

Maggie crinkled her nose. "I don't wanna blanket. That is NOT a good present!"

"Well, let's not get Mommy one then," Ed quipped, grinning at Maggie's face as she realized how close she'd come to buying her mother a mundane Christmas gift.

They moved on without buying anything other than the hot chocolate. Maggie was beginning to despair, but Ed reminded her they had hundreds of stores to visit if they needed to do so. Maggie smiled gratefully.

"Good thing!" She said, the buoyancy returning to her gait, "Cause I can't give Mommy this hot chocolate cup for Christmas!"

Laughing, Ed kissed the top of her head. "You're so funny, Maggs."

"You are too," she replied, cocking her head like she always did when she was about to say something sassy. "But you're ser'ous funny. Not giggly funny like me. Wyatt's ser'ous funny, too."

"What about Noah?"

"He's both."

"Mommy?"

"Me an' Mommy giggle a lot, so she's giggly 'cept when we're in trouble, then she tells us what to do and looks like this," Maggie pressed her lips together and furrowed her brow, "But then she gets giggly 'gain!" Maggie whipped around. They'd passed a few vendors and one caught her eye. "Hey! We needta go in there!"

Ed followed her without confidence they'd find anything gift-worthy. The store's shelves were filled with homemade soaps and other dainty, perfumey items. However, Maggie's hunch turned out to be on point.

"LOOK!" She had made a beeline to a display in the back corner and was pointing furiously to the jars. "It says SWEET GIRL! That's what Mommy calls me! That's her name just for me!" She grabbed a basket and started filling it with the different varieties of jams and honey made by, sure enough, a company calling themselves Sweet Girl Confections. Maggie took extra care to make sure the basket included one of each flavor and spun slowly around, arms akimbo.

"Can I help you, Miss?" The comely clerk asked.

"You have anything else with Sweet Girl?"

The clerk smiled and glanced at the basket. It was so heavy, Maggie had to drag it to the register. "No...I think you have it all in there."

"Kay. Do you have a box, please? These are for my Mommy. For Christmas."

"We do have boxes," she replied, "I'll give you about...four. That should be enough. Or, do you want one big box?"

"One big box," Maggie replied immediately. "Everybody likes to have a giant box to open!" She looked up at Ed, "Right, Daddy?"

"That's right, Maggie May."

The clerk announced the total. Maggie gestured to Ed. "He's payin. He has da card."

Ed handed over his Visa. The simple act made him think about all the ordinary responsibilities he and Olivia shared-paying bills, making grocery lists, buying school uniforms, making sure their kids were at lessons and games and practices on time. He appreciated, no, he craved what most other couples probably considered bothersome or so normal they didn't require any thoughts at all.

He signed the receipt, grabbed the two shopping bags in one hand, and held Maggie's hand with the other. She jabbered away, thinking aloud about the best hiding places for the jars, and then praised Ed for making the decision to take a Uber back home rather than the subway. Outside, she jammed the beanie back on her head. It sat low, partially covering her eyes. Ed held her close.

"What wrapping paper are ya gonna use?" He asked.

"Hearts," Maggie said, "Wyatt's gonna say it's for Valentine's Day, but I'm gonna use it because the hearts are for how much I love Mommy!"

"Great idea."

Ed felt her intent stare. He looked down at her. The wind had turned her cheeks pink and her eyes were watery. "I use the heart paper for you, too, Daddy," she said, her voice sweet and sincere.

Ed smiled and blinked back tears he was sure were born of emotion and love for his daughter rather than due to the crisp wind.

…

All three Tucker kids had apparently become used to Olivia not going to work, so they appeared surprised when she entered the kitchen on Monday morning dressed in a black blazer, white blouse, and gray slacks. Her arm was still in the sling, but she was able to strap on her watch without assistance. She circled the dining table, giving each kid a kiss, before joining Ed at the island for a cup of coffee. She usually purchased caffeine on the way or made it in her office, but, after last night, she felt like she owed her husband a few extra minutes of semi-alone time.

She nodded at the sports section Ed was reading. "We should go to a game. Yankees or Mets. Either one would be fine with me."

Ed grinned. "You have to choose one or the other, Liv," he retorted, using his IAB voice, "You cannot possibly be for both teams. I thought I explained this to you a few years ago."

"Oh you did," she replied whimsically, "I simply don't agree is all." She sipped her coffee and raised her eyebrows. "Do we have to agree on everything?"

He smirked at her sass and lowered his voice, "No...we only have to agree on the fact that I love you more each day."

She grinned and leaned over for a kiss. "That was really corny."

"You walked me into it."

"Maybe I did. Corny Ed Tucker is very cute."

"Good. I need to have a lot of ways to look cute for you. Don't wanna run out."

"Impossible."

He massaged the shoulder of her injured arm. "How's this today?"

"Not bad, actually. I think I could go without the sling."

"Don't wanna rush it…"

"I won't," she puckered her lips for another kiss. "But, maybe tonight, I can prove to you it's a little better?"

Ed exaggerated a shiver. "Sure...might need...more proof though...tonight, tomorrow night...maybe Wednesday morning…"

Olivia grinned at him and rested her head against his chest. Her husband was getting back to normal.

….

#Tuckson