Thirty-four.

Olivia was worried she would have trouble easing back into the job while limited to her desk, but, not long after she turned on her laptop and began scrolling through reports from the past week, Fin ushered in a woman who, despite being taller than Olivia, broad-shouldered, and physically strong was obviously struggling with frayed nerves. She wrung her wiry fingers as Fin made the introductions.

"Mrs. Lucas, this is Lieutenant Benson. Liv, this is Dianne Lucas. She's here to make a report."

The typical sympathetic expression crossed Olivia's face and she invited Diana to sit down. Too consumed by her own troubles, Dianne paid no attention to the sling.

"How can I help you?"

After all these years on the force, Olivia's heart still broke when she heard accounts filled with despair, fear, and uncertainty. Dianne's predicament revolved around a husband who peppered spurts of binge drinking and drug use in what was an otherwise ordinary life. They lived in a building they bought in the 1980s, renovated it, and lived off both the residential and business rental income.

"He gets bored," Dianne explained, "Disillusioned. I know when the bad stretches are coming. He starts to ask questions like 'what's it all for?' And that's when I brace myself."

"Is he violent?" Olivia asked in a manner that suggested she didn't want to know the answer even though her job mandated it.

"He can be," Dianna replied. "He's never hit me, but...he'll throw things, kick a chair, punch walls...and my biggest concern right now is he wants to take our kids, we have a son and a daughter, to Texas, he wants to visit every state and it's one of the last ones, and I'm so worried to let them go. My mother's here and not doing well…" Dianne trailed off. Her eyes drifted to Olivia's left hand. "It's hell not to be able to trust your husband with your kids. Total hell."

…...

The one permanently occupied office at The Benson Center belonged to Olivia. It was decorated in a muted color palette of blues, lavenders, and a bit of coral for a subtle pop. Impressionist paintings hung on the walls. The furniture was bulkier and more comfortable than what had been in her precinct office, and Olivia delighted in carefully matching the throw pillows to the seasons. She wanted the space to feel cozy yet at the same time uncluttered, so she displayed a few books on a small shelf, arranged candles on the side tables, and set up a sleek coffee and tea bar in one of the corners. It was one of the most welcoming spaces Olivia had ever seen, but, in its first few weeks of operation, the Benson Center seemed far from its first success story.

Olivia found herself reluctantly admitting to Ed (and only Ed) that she was worried she would quickly burn out. Investigating SVU cases had so many facets. Even though their victims were typically alive and in need of empathy and patience, there was still a certain degree of the thrill of the chase, the heat of the investigation, and the satisfaction of unraveling the threads of complicated, convoluted sets of evidence. Even when they lost, most of the time, Olivia and the squad felt they at least had nudged victims on the path forward, whatever that entailed.

Working at the center solely involved picking up the pieces of shattered lives. Olivia's primary role was one of assessor-she spoke to people on their first or second visit, listened, and reviewed case files for missing or incomplete details. However, she found herself becoming obsessed-she constantly critiqued her responses, she habitually glanced at her new work phone for messages, and she futilely tried to come up with ways to reopen closed cases.

So, when an old buddy of Ed's invited him to be a co-presenter at a "Proactive Leadership" conference, he insisted they leave the kids with Sarah and Justin and spend a long weekend in Pittsburgh's finest downtown hotel.

"River view," he said in his most persuasive voice as he swayed her around their bathroom, "Huge bed, room service...hot tub…"

"Of course I'll go with you, Ed Tucker. Even though I do feel kind of bad leaving the kids. And are you sure Sarah and Justin are free and willing to take on the trio for three nights?"

"I already asked."

Olivia returned his smirk. "Of course you did."

"We haven't been away alone in a while. I love going away with you." Ed pulled her closer and kissed all over her face. He hoped she didn't pick up on his ulterior motive. He needed to force her into a break from her new line of work, if only for a few days.

Olivia moaned. Her fingertips dug into the muscles of his lower back. "When's the conference?" She asked breathlessly.

"Next weekend. Leave Thursday morning."

"Okay."

"First class."

"God I love you."

"It's comped."

Olivia chuckled, "Not what I meant." She rocked her hips into his and moaned again at his burgeoning erection. It had been a few days since they'd last made love, and she suddenly and urgently needed him. Her hands flew to his waistband and she shoved down his shorts. He was hot and even harder in her hand. A few seconds later, he was reduced to unintelligible pants and gasps. She grinned and stared into his eyes until he threw his head back and let his lower body crash into her. The contact calmed him down some and he lifted her onto the counter.

"Here?" He sweetly asked.

"Yes. Right here."

…

"MOM-MY! MOM-MY! MOM-MY!"

Noah led the chanting and the march around the living room. The twins followed along, doing their best to mimic his high-step. Olivia had come home early, in time for dinner, and, after smothering the kids with hugs and kisses, watched the little parade with delight. Concerned about Ed's feelings, Noah added "DAD-DY!" in between the mommies and giggled when the twins didn't immediately follow suit.

"Gotta keep, up, babies!"

"DAH!"

"DAH DAH!"

"Good job!"

"DAD-DY! MOM-MY!"...

Ed held Olivia from behind and whispered, "Hope ya weren't lookin' forward to peace and quiet."

Olivia put her hands over his. She leaned back and let her head rest under his chin. "Not at all."

The march ended, but the cacophony did not. Wyatt pounded away at his new workbench. Maggie played with the magnetic tiles. Noah had dumped all the legos, scattering them across the floor, and was sorting them into size-based piles for his and Wyatt's construction project.

"We're gonna build a maze, Wyatt," he said, "Den we're gonna see if small sister can get outta it!" He giggled to himself and continued classifying the blocks. "If she gets trapped, we help her, but she hasta try first!"

Even with the haircut, Wyatt's locks curled under themselves at the ends. He did look older, but not as much as Olivia had expected. His chubby cheeks, soft blue eyes, and pudgy hands and feet, remnants of babyhood, were still his most prominent features. Concentrating on pounding plastic nails, his jaw protruded a bit and, even Olivia had to admit, he looked every bit like her. He and Noah were both attired in simple gray t-shirts and tan khaki shorts. Wyatt's hung low, revealing the waistline of his pull-up.

"How'd it go today with the potty?" Olivia asked.

"It didn't," Ed replied.

Olivia felt him chuckle.

"Tomorrow's another day…"

"Yep."

Maggie abandoned the tiles and dragged her feet through Noah's piles causing significant damage to his sort job.

"Hey! Maggs! No no!"

"NO! NONONO!" Maggie crouched down and snapped two Legos together. "BUILD, No! Magg build!"

"We gotta put 'em by biggest to smallest, first, Maggs! So we know what we're workin' with!"

Maggie ignored her brother and fit two more blocks on her emergent tower.

Noah heaved an exasperated sigh. "Wyatt, we're gonna haveta use some of your other blocks," he said, "Cause small sister has a mind of her own."

In the kitchen, Ed and Olivia laughed quietly. In addition to adding new words to his vocabulary on a daily basis, he picked up on common expressions with lightning speed and used them in accurate contexts.

"I love that shirt," Olivia said of Maggie's well-worn Girl Power tee, "But we probably need to get a new one soon."

"It is a little tight. No tight clothes for my baby girl."

"You're so old school," Olivia teased.

Ed kissed her cheek. "You love it."

"Yeah I do."

…..

Halfway between IAB and the precinct, a call summoned Olivia back, this time to One PP, where she was directed to a conference room where three suits and Tucker were already seated. Tucker must have made a beeline from his office to NYPD headquarters, for it appeared he had been settled in his chair for a while. In front of him, a water bottle sat, half consumed. At first glance, he and the others were one and the same-gruff, humorless, and effortlessly intimidating. Yet, when Tucker saw her and, despite his earlier curt brush-off of her request to reinstate Amaro, Olivia saw a hint of goodwill in his expression. It reminded her of "Good luck to you, Sergeant Benson," and she ignored the ensuing chill which tingled her spine.

Olivia hardly had a chance to sit down before the Deputy Chief delivered the news. "Amaro's back in. Dash cam exonerates him. Penance done."

It was all Olivia could do to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Instead, she squinted at Tucker who responded blankly. Damn, she thought, he's good. Since it didn't seem like the men wanted her company for any longer than necessary, she rose to leave, thanked them, and wished them all a good day. Before she stepped into the elevator, Tucker caught up to her.

"So you're not short staffed anymore," he muttered matter-of-factly.

"Nope."

"Look, back at IAB, I didn't mean to cold shoulder you like that."

Olivia glared at him but didn't utter a word. Truth be told, she was disappointed in him. She thought they'd turned a corner after the Lewis investigation. She thought she'd gained some points, a bit of trust, but it didn't take long from him to resume his old adversarial role.

He smirked at the silent treatment. "And you're meaning to cold shoulder me now."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. Tucker was teasing her?

They left the building and continued down the street toward IAB but away from Olivia's office. She walked alongside him anyway; he'd been rude to her, but she couldn't bring herself to stalk off in the opposite direction. From the corner of his eye, he glanced at her and smirked again. Clearly she was annoyed and pissed off, but she hadn't fled.

"Coffee?" He asked innocently.

"I actually am going to head home for a bit and see Noah."

"How's he doin?"

"Fine."

"Look." He stopped walking and drifted toward the curb, "It wasn't my call to give Amaro his shield back."

"But you told the chief to look at the tape."

"Yeah."

She narrowed her eyes. "It could have been your call. You didn't want to make it."

Inside, Tucker cringed. She was absolutely right. Amaro reminded him of Stabler-angry, prone to violent outbursts, uncontrollable-only now, Olivia was the boss and whatever happened on her watch with her detectives would fall on her shoulders. Tucker had the utmost respect for Benson; however, she was new to this type of leadership. He had no doubt she'd be successful, but it would take time for her to rewire her brain and regard former equals as subordinates. Amaro, in his opinion, would not learn his lesson.

"Didn't agree with it."

Olivia shrugged. "Message received. No favors from IAB."

Taken aback by the bite in her comment, Tucker clenched his jaw.

"What?" Olivia challenged, surprising herself with her audacity.

"Favors…" he trailed off. He had the lowest of blows to deliver but wasn't about to swing even though she was baiting him.

Nevertheless, she easily detected his thoughts. "So I wouldn't go along with your justifiable homicide story...and now you're not doing me any more favors? Is that it?"

As quickly as his icy demeanor surfaced, it melted away and the compassion returned to his eyes. "You could've gone to prison," he said softly. "You could have lost everything."

"I didn't," she replied brusquely, "And, even if I did, I would have lost respect for myself if I went along with your story."

She started to walk away, but he stopped her.

"Listen," he said, "I believed you. I still believe you. Cole did, too. It was...it was...we thought it was the only way out."

"You see," Olivia's lips curled into a sneer, "That's the problem with IAB. By the time cases get to you they're so twisted and muddied up you can't accept that, sometimes, the truth is almost comically simple."

Tucker dared to grab her wrist. She blinked in surprise but didn't pull away. "No one. And I mean no one, was laughing."

Her response was solemn. "I wasn't either." Olivia glanced down and blinked again, more rapidly this time, as if shaking herself out of a daydream. "I have to go."

Tucker watched her stride down the block, her unbuttoned trench and her brown hair flapping behind her, seemingly struggling to catch up with the person to whom they were attached.

….

"Holy shit," Ed gasped.

Olivia grinned and nuzzled his neck.

"I gotta admit," he said, "I thought, maybe, you were sorta, wishful thinking about your arm…"

"It is still a little sore."

The normally-slinged arm was now draped across Ed's midsection. He lightly brushed the wound with the back of his fingers. Skin was now starting to cover the sutures; they were going to be removed tomorrow morning, and Ed, a bit squeamish all of a sudden, swallowed hard and hoped the doctor hadn't waited too long.

"You leave it outta the sling all day?"

"Almost."

"Did you have a good day?"

Olivia laughed. They had a strict rule about police talk around the kids, and after they went to bed, she and Ed retreated to their own private confines where they did not do much talking.

"I did. Well, I didn't have time to think about anything other than work, which was good. This woman...her husband...I can't get what she said to me out of my head."

"What'd she say?"

"That it's hell to not be able to trust your husband with the kids."

Ed played with her hair. As if to apologize for having to repeat the line, Olivia wedged a leg between his. He kissed her forehead. "I don't know how you've done it all these years."

Olivia lifted her head so her chin was resting in the middle of his chest and she could see his face. "What do you think the hardest part has been?"

Ed raised his eyebrows.

"Interesting to hear a semi-outsider perspective."

He fumbled with the words at first. "I think, uh, well, this is gonna sound...bad."

"I don't care. And, it probably won't." She felt his chest heave as he took a reluctant breath. "Ed, honey, come on. We've been together for a long time now and part of the reason we got together and we stayed together and we're so good together is that we're honest and not afraid to tell the truth."

"I guess, well, I know how it is...to have kids and be a cop, to worry about all the bad stuff...I get that part. I do."

"Yeah...there's no avoiding that in any unit."

"Has it ever...has it ever been hard for you to...to enjoy sex? After dealing with rapists and child molesters? Like...all those people using sex as a weapon, to control people, for the most degraded motives...and then come home to me?"

It was a such a brutally honest, raw, sincere question, Olivia was shocked into silence which Ed read as him upsetting her. He immediately apologized.

"No...no…" Olivia murmured, "...It's a...valid question. But, I think you answered it, really. Those people we go after, those criminals...I guess I got good at really compartmentalizing SVU's work into SVU's work. But, just like I have to remind myself that there are significantly more good people than bad people out there." She offered a smile, but acknowledged she didn't completely answer the question.

While she finished her response, she ran her fingers over her favorite features of Ed's face-his jaw, cheekbones, and, finally, his lips. Those lips had kissed every single millimeter of her body.

"The way you love me and hold me-and get mad when you can't hold me-and smile at me, or, when I walk into a room or come home and just...the way you look at me. Those are all so far away from anything I experience or have experienced at work. Sure, certain details of certain cases stick with me, but you make me forget...you're my reality...others' trauma isn't."

"But-"

She inched upwards, ready to kiss him and end this very heavy end to their night. "I know. I have my own trauma. And every so often I have to fight it again. But it's less challenging now and I'm not alone, I know how to ask for help and I know, if all else fails, you'll do anything to make it right. Make it better."

"Damn right about that." He held her head in place as she kissed him. And, before they fell into their second round of lovemaking, he stopped her. "You know I would never, ever do anything to hurt you."

"I know. I promise you I know."

…..

Sarah and the three kids were back at her apartment and drawing on the large chart paper she kept in the closet for them when Justin came home. He dropped his bag in the foyer and, looking bulky under all his gear, grinned as the kids shouted his name.

"JUSTY!"

Wyatt's and Maggie's versions sounded more like "DUSSY" but they were no less enthusiastic. They ran to him, hugged his legs, and took turns squealing as Justin flipped each kid upside down. He kissed Sarah hello, changed clothes, and the five of them piled on the couch to look at the pictures Sarah had taken at Max Brenner. Justin, prone to deep belly laughter, had to pause and take a breath several times as Noah narrated and he saw the twins in various stages of what looked like an attack of chocolate sauce and frosting.

"We did eat, Justy," Noah said, "Dinner I mean. We had mac and cheese but these babies didn't get so messy with that!"

"I can literally only see Maggie's eyes in this one," Justin said.

Sarah shrugged. "I figured I'd let them get messy all at once and do one round of clean up. But I think small sister may have some cake in her ear still." Sarah reached for Maggie but she clung to Justin's chest thinking Sarah was trying to remove her from his lap. "Sheesh, Maggs! Relax, sister. You're so possessive with people."

"What's p'sessive?" Noah asked.

"It means you don't want to let people go."

"Yep! Small sister's p'sessive. So's Daddy!"

"No freaking kidding."

"Almost swear jar!"

"Almost!" Sarah tickled Noah's belly. "But not quite, mister!"

"CAKE!" Wyatt shouted as the pictures of the lit candles on the birthday cake came through the scroll. "CAKE!"

He rattled off a few words Sarah couldn't decipher, but Noah translated. "He said da candles are hot, don't touch, and get presents after. But," Noah added matter-of-factly, "No more presents!"

"PESENT!"

Sarah's phone vibrated.

"PHONE! SAH! PHONE!"

"It's Mommy," Sarah reported, "She's almost here."

Noah scrambled off the couch and started scooping up toys. "We gotta get packed, babies," he said, "Mommy can't do it all 'causa her arm!"

Sarah grinned proudly. "Noey, you are the most considerate person on Earth."

Noah smiled but he was busy tossing items in their two bags.

"And also, when are you going to stop calling Maggie and Wyatt babies? They're two!"

Noah frowned at Sarah and stood with his hands on his hips. "Sare Bear! Dey always gonna be babies!"

…..

Olivia hustled toward Sarah's building thinking so much about her kids she bumped into G, the neighbor and occasional babysitter, on the way in. G smiled politely as if she were foolishly wondering if Olivia remembered who she was but relaxed and broke into a wide grin when Olivia greeted her with a warm hug.

"Hi honey," she cooed, "How are you?"

G pressed the elevator button and replied, "Fine. How are you?"

Olivia did not have the sling on and ignored the question, choosing instead to address the "fine."

"I know that one," she said.

Confused, G furrowed her brow.

"Fine?" Olivia said.

She cocked her head. Normally uncomfortable under scrutiny, G found herself relaxed under the microscope of the woman she knew only as Olivia Tucker and she smiled again, this time in surrender.

"I've had a crappy week," she said.

The elevator dinged and opened at G's floor.

"Why don't you come up for a few minutes and say hi to the kids?" Olivia suggested. "They always make me smile even after the most terrible day."

G yawned, started to decline, then nodded and agreed to go. Olivia opened Sarah's door without knocking. The chorus of "MOMMY" soon turned into a salvo of "GEEEE!"

Sarah giggled. "We have the whole crew here tonight," she said. "Now all we need is Brookey and Sonny and Sof. Oh, and Daddy of course."

Grinning at the twins trying to baby pile on G, Olivia mentioned she and Ed were hosting Sofia tomorrow afternoon. "You're welcome to come by," Olivia said, "We'll probably have dinner all together when Brooke and Sonny get back. Maybe out, though. Feels like we've been cooped up lately."

"Well, we certainly weren't cooped up tonight, were we, kiddos?"

"NOPE!" Noah said. "Mommy, these babies had another cake! That makes one, two, three cakes!"

"I saw the pictures, sweet boy," Olivia said, "It looks like you had so much fun. I want to hear all about it."

"Kay. I tell you on da train."

"We're going to take the car, sweetheart," Olivia said.

"Lemme help you get everything downstairs," Justin said. He went outside their door and expertly kicked open the stroller. "No, bring me the bags." He waved the twins over, "C'mon you two, time to pile in the stroller now."

"PIE!"

"Yep."

Olivia eyed the chart paper and the collection of markers and colored pencils littering the floor and started to pick them up.

"No, no, no, Livvie. I'll get it. Justy will get you into a car and G and I will have a drink on the balcony and watch his gallantry."

G mumbled something about being tired, but Sarah was having none of it.

"Your brain's probably going a mile a minute," she told G, "A drink will calm it down and you'll sleep like a baby." She grinned at her imminent joke. "Wyatt baby, not Maggie baby."

Olivia chuckled knowingly. The clarification was certainly necessary. "Alright, well, thanks again, Sare and, G, get some rest. Don't let this one keep refilling your glass."

"Right."

"Psh," Sarah pretended to be offended. "Wait until you taste what I've come up with. Long Island Iced Tea, Sarah Style!" She nudged Olivia, "Not exactly the spiced bourbon, but…"

Olivia was sure her face had instantly turned beet red, so she turned to leave. "Have a good night. Let me know if you're going to stop by tomorrow."

"Will do! Love you, Livvie!"

Olivia wasn't sure Sarah heard the return "I love you" because she had already shifted gears and was describing the various liquor ratios in her new signature cocktail to her impromptu drinking buddy.

….

#Tuckson