Chapter 20: I Do Nobly Declare That Everyone Makes Mistakes

(Andi)

I take it back. Zoë was uncouthy, undandy, and completely unmesocarpic![1] It was her fault that I had spent the last 5 minutes, 59 seconds, and 2 jiffies hiding in a fake little house on display instead of using my mini master bolt to fix things.

6 minutes, 25 seconds, and 11 jiffies ago, the mistified planes finished their transformation into brassy ladybirds that were in serious need of a mirror. Their messy hair, mad bulging eyes, bushy eyebrows, and cawing bird-beaked faces were not attractive. Also, they were naked. Breasts should be covered by more than feathers and if they weren't going to shave their twig legs, they should have considered jeans. Their toenails were a mess too. They were all long and curled and looked like they had never been clipped.

If they hadn't been furious she-monsters, I would have taught them a thing or two about the importance of self-care. Even though I did not need it, I was adroit at make-up and my fashion sense was snazzy and chic, wholesome, yet sophisticated.[2] The Aphrodite boys and countless other people who could recognize true beauty were always asking for my advice. So, I could have totally transformed these ladybirds into proper ladies with a song and dance number.[3] However, since they were both monsters, furious, and female and I had just offered my services to Bianca a bit ago, I had summoned my shield and my mini master bolt and was ready to kill the ladybirds instead.

Bianca had been ready too. Even Grover had readied a tin can.

But before anyone of us could attack, Zoë ordered, loudly, over the cawing, "Do not shoot!"

Both me and Bianca looked at her. "Why not?" we asked, questioningly.

"These are the Stymphalian Birds. They are servants of Lady Artemis," Zoë informed us sagely before she spoke to the ladybirds.[4] "Fellow followers of the Great Hunter. It is I, Zoë Nightshade, the lieutenant of the Hunters and thy friend. I come in peace. Lay down thy talons and beaks. Let us work together to find our goddess."

For maybe 4 seconds and a jiffy, I thought the ladybirds would obey Zoë, but then they all let out a loud ca-caw and went on the attack.

Everyone was forced to dive for cover, but even then, Zoë had told us not to retaliate and kept talking to the ladybirds, saying things like:

"Gleaming maidens, stop attacking. You know me."

"We grew up together! We hunted together!"

"Theresa, Helena, Xanthia, I went to thy hatch-day party last spring.[5] You are mere fledglings and far too young to be on a murderous rampage. What would Phoenix think of thee if she was here?"

"Roxane, I helped thee best that uppity harpy back in the 16th century. I still have her talons to prove it."

"Sofia, Zephyra, Ismena, remember when we rode the south wind together to make Zephryr rue his ill-mannered jests."

And,

"Joë, you must remember me. Our names rhyme!"

While I said stuff like:

"Let me at them Zoë!"

"I won't obliterate them, right now."

"I know how to make them play nice!"

"A little lightning never hurt anybody!"

And,

"Zephyr deserves better!"

It went on and on and on like that, but none of her stories did anything to make the ladybirds stop and my ingenious arguments went ignored as the ladybirds cawed and dove down at us with their talons and beaks trying to claw us to death.

Bianca and Grover were cowering in their own hiding places and I was getting incandescent on their behalf.[6] I thought it might be an interesting character-building experience not to be the quest leader for once, but this was a pile of nutty bananas.[7] Zoë was a pile of nutty bananas and she didn't even know it.

I was about to try to convince Zoë to let me end this fight for the 11th time when I saw the front doors open.[8] It was a magical 7 seconds and 11 jiffies. The sun came out from behind the clouds and a figure was bathed in heavenly light.

Everyone turned to look at the visitor. My heart fluttered like a butterfly in the wind.

"Luke?" I breathed stepping forward and out of the safety of my hiding place.

The figure saluted by bringing up their sword arm and I realized it wasn't Luke. Only one person had a sword as majestic and shiny as that.

"Peter?" I asked dazedly, confused and worried.

For exactly one decasecond, no one moved.[9] We all just stared at Peter's gleaming starlight sword like it held the secret to where Luke was hiding. Then the ladybirds let out another livid ca-caw and as one flew at Peter.

Someone shouted, "PJ, run. Boy, run!" [10]

Peter tried to run over to the sanctuary of my arms, but he only got a few steps before he was slowed down by the flock of ladybirds smothering him like chocolate on a Snickers.

"Peter!" I cried out.

His only response was an alarming string of fiery words too naughty and cuckoo to understand or repeat.[11]

It was so befuddling. I had no idea what Peter was even doing here, but he was here and he was in trouble.

I was done playing around. It was time to take off the kiddie mittens and take on the ladybirds. I brought out my mini master bolt again and readied it.

These turkeys were going to learn what it meant to face Big Daddy's daughter.

"Andromeda," Zoë warned, commandingly, over Peter's swearing and the ladybirds screeching ca-caws. "Stand down, he is just a man. Do not—"

I did what she had been doing to me this whole fight:

I ignored her.

Then I did what I should have done several minutes, some seconds, and countless jiffies ago. I threw the mini bolt at that cotton candy cloud of ladybirds.

Zoë yelled and shot an arrow to try and alter the bolt's path. Bianca shouted my name incorrectly. Grover wailed pathetically. All as the mini bolt soared through the air.

It hit its target. Just like with the lion, the bolt touched one of the metal creatures and lit it up. Since all of the ladybirds were so close together, the electricity spread to them all. They became bright as the sun outside and ca-cawed an ear-splitting shriek of pain. Bianca, Grover, Zoë, and even Peter got in on the screaming action. Everyone was making noise for the next 5 seconds and 41 jiffies.[12]

And then it was quiet. Unlike with the lion, the ladybirds hadn't turned into collapsing stars. They had all just dropped to the ground like I had petrified them into statues.

Zoë, Grover, and Bianca were staring at the pile of unmoving ladybirds and Peter was hunched in a crouching position with his duster pulled up over his head like people do when it's raining and they are wearing a hoodless jacket for some reason and forgot their umbrella. I could totally see Peter doing that. Though maybe he was the type to let the rain fall? He was a son of the water god.

"Andromeda!" Zoë shouted, tryingly self-righteous. She had run over to one of the ladybirds.

I knew that tone. It was used by Mr. D. and almost every other girl I've ever talked to. I looked at her and crossed my arms to strike a power pose.[13]

"What did thee do?" Zoë demanded, nuttily.[14]

"I won the fight," I said, matter-of-factly.

"You killed my comrades," she wailed, wrongly.

"They're not dead," I told her, rightly.

Zoë turned to Bianca who was walking towards her. "Is that true?" Zoë demanded, unnecessarily. "Are they alive?"

Bianca made a funny face. Her mouth moved, but she didn't say anything.

"Bianca!" Zoë snapped, melodramatically.

"They're not dead," I said again, correctly. "I stunned them."

"You stunned them?" Zoë repeated, sagely.

"Yeah?" I said, obviously.

She looked between me and the ladybirds. "I did not know thee could wield thy weapon with such subtlety," she said filled with an appropriate amount of awe.

"I tried to tell you earlier, like 9 times, but you wouldn't listen," I complained, justly.

Zoë frowned. "I am sorry," she said contritely, "These winged maidens are like sisters to me, so I acted without thought. I was wrong to doubt thee. You have my deepest and most sincere apologies." Zoë gave me a flourishing bow and added, "I beg thee for thy forgiveness, Lady Andi."

Lady Andi? L-a-d-y Andi. LadyAndi.

LADY ANDI!

Goody gumdrops on a gingerbread house, that was the peachiest name ever!

Zoë must be a bit couthy after all. How else would she come up with such a regal and fitting name for moi? I was touched. No, I was hugged and embraced as tightly as a teddy bear who was the only comfort to me after I had experienced the type of traumatic experience that I never want to speak of again.[15] Thusly, I was quite right before. This quest was going to be a most enriching experience for Zoë and Bianca. I was going to nurture Zoë's spark of couth into a lightning bolt of fruity goodness. Bianca too! Someday, Bianca was going to call me, Lady Andi! That'd be worth be a Luke of Biancas for sure!

I smiled nobly at Zoë and declared with a graciousness befitting my new title, "It is of no consequence, my dear Zoë, I assure you.[16] I am quite ready to forgive you your faults on this occasion. For I know that everyone makes mistakes. It is how we learn from them that matters in the end."

"Thank you, Lady Andi," Lady Andi! "You are very wise," she said, wisely.[17]

Zoë turned to Bianca. "Stop standing there, Bianca and get out a tarp from thy pack. We need to transport our sisters outside."

Bianca who still looked like a confused babe, reached into her bag.

I smiled even noblier. Everything had worked out for the best. I had defeated that golden lion and the ladybirds. Zoë was beginning to understand how amazingly special I was. I had the best nickname in existence. Bianca and Grover were being as quiet as well-behaved children. And I had saved Peter after his unexpected arrival.

I wondered if he had heard Zoë call me Lady Andi.

I looked over at him. Peter was still huddled in that crouched position even as Bianca and Zoë moved around him to pick up the fallen ladybirds.

I went over to him. "Good morrow, Peterson. I'm pleased as bread pudding that you decided to grace us with your presence. As you can clearly behold, I nobly and regally protected you as I vowed I would. Or…mayhap you cannot?[18] You must rise up with the rest of us, dear Peterson. I own that the ladybirds have been vanquished, by yours truly. Open your eyes and ascertain for yourself the truth of my most noble words!"

Peter was not moved by my starry encouragement. He crouched unrisen and unseeing.

I guess my gentry accents were too much for a simple boy like him. I decided to speak normal-like for now.[19] I was the type of noble friend who could temporally lower themselves if need be.

"It's okay, Peter," I said speaking at his level of sophistication as I stood right in front of him. "Just because I'm a lady now doesn't mean I don't get what you're going through. I do get it. I really do. You were super mean back at camp saying you didn't want to come on the quest or be friends and now you are regretting your actions because those words were all lies that you were saying because you were scared and fretting about something. Like a boy, you thought if you came in and saved the day everything would be alright, but because I had to save you and I'm a grand lady of consequence now, you're frozen to death with fear of having to admit you were wrong and apologize to me, a lady, but it's okay. It's like I was telling Zoë. Everyone makes mistakes. It's how we learn from them that matters. I was mad and sad you said those things at camp, but I'm a proper lady and I can move past that."

I put a cautious hand on Peter's shoulder.

He didn't reject my hand or start swearing which I took to be a good sign.

"We both can move past it. I promise. So, if you apologize, I'll nobly forgive you lickety-split. Then we can go on this quest and do all that character growth and friendship stuff I promised. Soon you'll be learning to be your best self, just like Bianca, Grover, and Zoë. I'll help you overcome your dark nature and rough edges to become a diamond of the first water.[20] You'll see. So, what do you say to this second chance, Peter? Are you ready to admit your silly mistake and begin this journey the right way, as friends?"

I waited for Peter to say something, but the shy plebeian boy must be overwhelmed with gratitude for my generous offer because he still didn't respond. I waited with the grace and poise of a duchess for him to find his voice.

"Uh, Andi?" an annoying voice that really needed to learn to be his best self said from behind me.

"Grover," I said, annoyedly without turning around. "Peter and I are trying to have a tête-à-tête."

"But it's about Peter," Grover added annoyingly.

"What!" I moaned, really annoyedly before turning to face Grover's annoying face.

Grover flinched before saying stupidly, "I think he's been stunned."

"What!" I cried in disbelief. "No! He's not—Peter," I turned back to Peter, "tell Grover that you're not stunned." [21]

Peter was as quiet as a church mouse.

"Peter," I whispered, rebukingly, "I know my new title and that inspiring friendship speech I just gave might have left you tongue-tied with a new respect for my person, but it's time for you to overcome your new shyness and talk. Come on." I shook him.

Peter lost his balance and fell over.

He hit the ground with a dull smack!

Grover gasped.

Hmm…

I stared at Peter's fallen form, still in that 'it's rainy and I don't want to get my head wet' position. "Well…" I said, frowningly, "perchance he's fainted dead away from fear of apologizing or the ladybirds, you know?" [22] I turned back to Grover. "You should fetch some smelling salts, Grover."

"Andi, I really think—" Grover began unhelpfully, but he was interrupted by the bestest and most royal Pegasus ever, Princess! bursting through the doors.

"Andi!" she shouted.[23]

"Princess!" I cried in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"No time to explain. We need to go. Now!" she said, urgently.

"But Peter," I said with noble concern as I glanced down at the poor boy who still hadn't moved.

"Bring PJ too," Princess said, hurriedly. "No one should be left to deal with that undead army outside."

"The what?" I asked confusedly.

Princess pointed to outside with one of her majestic wings.

Grover whimpered.

Uh-oh.

While I had been trying to get Peter to stop being a coward, a platoon of fashionably dressed skeletons with polished melee weapons had gathered outside.[24] Zoë and Bianca were out there, ladybird statues abandoned. The two Hunters were trying to stop the platoon's steady advance with their arrows, but it was not working at all.

A squad of skeletons had already turned our car into a sad limp salad with their swords, axes, and hammers and the rest of the platoon were marching towards the museum at a slow and steady pace.[25]

I frowned harder. I had learned from Nico that my mini master bolt wasn't meant for killing undead things. I could vaporize the creatures, but that wouldn't stop them from reforming.

"You're right," I decided, regally. "Grover, get on Princess. Princess, let Grover ride you and collect Zoë and Bianca too. After that, we fly."

Grover rushed to obey.

Princess reluctantly knelt down so that Grover could get on, but she wasn't satisfied with my expert plan. She entreated, questioningly, "Aren't you going to ride me?"

"I'd love to," I told her, seriously, "Alas you will already be carrying three people, so I do think that I should carry Peter."

"I could trade with Peter and you could carry me," Grover stupidly offered.

"Shush it, Grover," I shushed, quellingly. I picked up Peter.

He was so stiff, but I was able to lift him into my arms like a noble knight carrying a princess.

Now that Peter's face was facing me, I saw the grimace he was wearing. That did not look peachy-keen at all.

"I'm ready," Princess said, readily.

I looked up. Whatever was wrong with Peter would have to wait. We had to get out of here first. We went outside to Zoë and Bianca.

"I got us a ride," I told the hunters, helpfully.

"Excellent work, Lady Andi," Lady Andi! Hee-hee! "Come, Bianca," Zoë said, sagely.

Bianca squinted at me but did not say anything like a proper milked and watered miss as she and Zoë climbed onto Princess's back.[26]

Princess and I took to the sky just as the skeletons closed ranks around us. I used my powers to help Princess and me support the extra weight of more people and then I asked Zoë, politely "Where to?"

Zoë shrugged. "West would be my humble suggestion, but I wish to know thy impeccable judgment, Lady Andi," she said, wisely.

I smiled at her again. Unlike Grover, Zoë was on her way to being her best self. She could be so sagely and wise.

Just as I, Lady Andi, was on the verge of offering my noble opinion, Grover piped up, unhelpfully, "We can go anywhere, but east. That's the ocean."

"I say we head north to camp," Princess offered, constructively.

Grand ladies like myself don't get irritated when they are interrupted, so I said calmingly and compromisingly, "We shall head northwest then."

"Cool," said the rude person, impolitely.

"Alright," Princess said, complyingly.

"An inspired choice, Lady Andi," Zoë added, balancely.[27]

I nodded at Zoë with noble humility and said poshly, "I thank you."

"There is no need," Zoë said, accurately. "The honor is mine, Lady Andi."

Lady Andi! Gods, every time! That was never going to get old![28]

"Of course," I agreed happily before adding grandly, "let us away!"

And so, we headed northwest.[29]

Footnotes

[1] Uh…so I definitely had to look this one up. Mesocarpic as in mesocarp refers to the fruit flesh of stone fruits. Peaches are part of the stone fruit category. So, I guess what Andi is trying to say is that Zoë is not peachy i.e., not good.

[2] Ah yes, her orange camp shirt and cut-off jeans shorts are peak fashion, I'm sure.

[3] So, in the Sea of Monsters fic, Andi actually did this on Circe's Island to the tune of "I'll Make a Man Out of You" aptly renamed to "I'll Make Pretty Girls Out of You". The chorus is as follows:

Be A Girl

You must be kind as a shining rainbow

Be Pretty

With all the poise of a prancing pony

Be A Girl

With all the love of a healing hug

As Beautiful as the light from the sun!

If requested, I'll provide the full lyrics in the next Andi chapter, but you get the idea. This sequence is actually the only time thus far Andi's ever gotten along with other females, but it didn't last. More on this later.

[4] News from the editing room: My delta reader has apparently developed an aversion to the word "sagely". Now, every time he sees it in this fic, it feeds his anger and brings him pain for some reason. However never fear, I am still committed to providing you with an authentic experience. He knew what he was signing up for. Sacrifices must be made in every writing project.

[5] I imagine that this is referring to the day they hatched.

[6] Incandescent can mean angry. Yeah really.

[7] Andi was the leader for both the Lightning Thief and Sea of Monsters quests.

[8] Another bad day for Andi's convincing skills I suppose. More on this later.

[9] A decasecond is 10 seconds.

[10] I guess she didn't hear the first part.

[11] Judging by the language used here, I think Peter's cries aren't as incomprehensible as Andi would have us believe.

[12] The jiffies are a bit out of control in this chapter, including this footnote the word "jiffies or jiffy" shows up 9 times.

[13] Remember when these weren't controversial? Also, crossing one's arms isn't a power pose…but like the author was young at the time and probably didn't realize that there were only a few set poses that could be called "Power Poses".

[14] This is not an Andi-ism. I was surprised too. Nuttily is a real word. It means crazily.

[15] Ah yes, Andi's dark past. This is a pseudo-mystery for Peter and viewers like you. So, I'll stay quiet for now.

[16] Just when you thought Andi's ego couldn't get any bigger, meet Her Ladyship.

[17] More on Zoë's flattery of "Lady" Andi (You guessed it) later.

[18] This one I did not have to look up. Hem-hem! Mayhap is indeed a real (all be it archaic) word meaning perhaps or maybe. Most of the slang used after Her Ladyship is (knighted? Ladified? Let's go with that) ladified are archaic Victorian and Regency terms. Me, being a Jane Austen and Georgette Heyer fan, know them well.

[19] As normal as Andi can speak.

[20] First, there's a reference to Aladdin's "diamond in the rough", and second, there is the phrase, "diamond of the first water", meaning belle of the ball, fairest of them all, a major hottie aka just really beautiful and charming.

[21] More on this later and by "later" I mean two chapters from now instead of a later "later".

[22] Perchance is another archaic word for maybe or perhaps.

[23] Yes. Andi can talk to Princess. I think this is a specific blessing from Zeus and not a sign that she can talk to all Pegasi.

[24] A platoon is about 50 soldiers, so yay! Peter helped.

[25] A squad is 8 to 12 soldiers.

[26] The proper phrase is milk and water miss. It basically means a dull and proper weak-willed girl.

[27] As opposed to being unbalanced, i.e., crazy.

[28] Uh…well…thankfully for the rest of us, nothing lasts forever, right?

[29] A new footnote record! You can thank Her Ladyship.

A/N: So the first stop on the quest has been completed. Y'all may notice we're not going west like in PJO, so that's something to look forward to. Also, I am very excited for the next chapters so there is that too.

I noticed I haven't gotten a ton of reviews on the last couple of chapters. Is it something I said? I really like hearing from you all! Even if all you want to do is complain about Andi being OP. Please keep leaving reviews and like I said before if you want those full lyrics, go ahead and request them.

That's it. See you later!