Forty.

The sunny, breezy early June morning was a perfect backdrop for the walk to school. A hint of impending summer humidity permeated the air, but, for the time being, the weather was perfect for shorts and t-shirts. Or, if you were Noah, short-sleeved school polos and neatly pressed khakis. After drop-off, Ed decided he and the twins would spend part of the morning in the park. He'd grab a second cup of coffee, a couple of pastries, and take the toddlers to watch the model sailboats. Tourist season was already in full swing, and when the area grew too crowded he'd take that as his cue to move on with their day. Ed mentally outlined a to-do list, but there wasn't much on it-Olivia's retirement party had been planned and invitations sent, the apartment was clean and tidy, bills were paid, everything, in general, was in order. He felt good, at ease, fulfilled; the only thing nagging him was that Olivia was probably sitting down with Brooke right now and having an uncomfortable heart-to-heart about words she didn't say but did, perhaps, unintentionally imply.

"Daddy? When da last day of school?"

"Next week, bud. June twelfth."

"Den it's summer?"

"Yep."

"Gonna go to da beach?"

"Well, we're gonna wait until July when Mommy retires. Then, after the party, we'll go to the beach and we'll spend a while there. And we'll have Gramma and everyone come for some days."

Noah giggled. "Gramma gonna ride da jet ski?"

"I dunno, bud. Probably not. But she'll help ya with sand castles I bet."

"Yeah…"

"Gonna miss Kindergarten?"

"No, I wanna be in first grade 'cause in first grade you get to use da card…" A continual source of frustration for Noah was that his school identification card was useless. Beginning in grade school, the card functioned in many different ways. Most importantly for kids, it could be loaded with money and used to purchase cafeteria extras such as smoothies which were not included with tuition.

"That's gonna be fun, but ya gotta keep bein' responsible. Can't forget it or lose it."

"Nope!" Noah reached back and slapped the side pocket of his backpack. "It's in da wallet in here."

"We can getcha a lanyard...to wear it around your neck if ya want."

Noah scrunched up his face, "No...I wanna keep it in da wallet."

"Okay."

"You and Mommy have all da cards and da money in da wallets."

"Yep."

"We should get small sister a purse, 'cause Mommy have one. And Wyatt needs a verrrrry small wallet 'cause he have small pockets in his pants."

"We'll do that."

As they approached the lower school entrance, Noah spotted a few friends and quickened his pace. Mia was not among the cluster of people he joined once on school grounds. Ed looked around. Mia and her nanny were usually the last ones to trickle in and Ed always had Noah there early.

"Daddy, we gonna go in," Noah said.

"Okay, bud." Ed opened his arms and Noah jumped into them for a bear hug. Ed kissed the top of his head. "Have a good day. See ya later. Love you."

"Love you too, Daddy!"

Noah hugged and kissed the twins and followed the herd of students into the school, doing his best to ignore the customary pleas from Maggie.

"Magg GO!" She shouted before the phrase turned into a desperate whine, "Maggg goooooo!" The pathetic, lurching scene was a daily one and nobody paid her much attention.

Entering school unaccompanied was a new, end-of-year experiment of which Olivia was not yet aware. When she walked Noah to school, he compliantly held her hand all the way to the classroom door without objection. Ed smiled a little at what he considered the "compassionate deceit" and how Noah innately knew Olivia would struggle with this step toward independence. Nevertheless, the routine tugged at Ed's heartstrings and a lump formed in his throat. He was proud of Noah's confidence and his intellect, but letting go was just as difficult for him as it was for his wife. He just hid it better.

…

The diner was bustling and not exactly the best spot for intense conversation. Olivia chose the most isolated booth-a spot in the front corner in front of a window so she could be easily spotted. Brooke arrived a few minutes late with Sofia in her arms rather than in the stroller. To Olivia's relief, Brooke greeted her with a hug and handed over the baby.

"Hell-lo Sofia!" Olivia kissed her chubby cheeks. She fussed a little and Brooke handed over a bottle. Sofia eagerly opened her mouth and curled into Olivia as she drank.

"Thanks for coming here," Brooke said. "I know you don't have a ton of time."

"I have as much time as we need," Olivia said. She locked eyes with Brooke and got straight to the point. "As much time as it takes to prove to you I'm not critiquing you or your marriage behind your back."

Brooke offered a tiny smile. "I don't think that."

"Brooke," Olivia replied semi-sternly, "Sarah called me. That's why we're here. And the other reason why we're here is, yes, I did tell Sonny he should consider taking you somewhere for a little R and R and I did remind him the past year has been incredibly tough for you. And yes, I'm worried about you, but I'm worried because I know there's still so much bothering you, so many traumas to sort out, and, at the risk of sounding patronizing, I know how that feels."

Slack-jawed, Brooke stared into her coffee. Olivia thought she'd made a mistake by laying all cards on the table out of the gate, and she passed the minute or so of silence gazing down at Sofia's placid face.

"I lashed out at you, well, by proxy, because it's true."

"What's true?"

"All of it. Everything you said. And what you didn't say. I've been thinking a lot and...I honestly don't know if Sonny wants to be married, or if he wants to be married but not to me."

Now it was Olivia's turn to drop her jaw.

"He's so distant," Brooke said, "He's going through the motions. We both are. And I can't help but think I snapped at the suggestion we go away because I don't want to go, I don't want to go, be all alone, and have everything confirmed...that there really isn't any love between us anymore."

Olivia's heart snapped in two. "Honey…"

Her eyes filled with tears but Brooke's were surprisingly dry and resolute. "It's okay," she said, "I...whatever happens between us...I am going to need your support. And Dad's."

"You have it," Olivia replied softly, "Always."

"I'm going back to work," Brooke said, "Next school year. We'll start with that. I need it. For me."

"I think that's an excellent idea."

"I think...if I do everything I need to do for myself, if something's still off, then I need to look at the other parts of my life…" Brooke noticed Olivia's astonishment and acknowledged she sounded different than the defeated, gloomy woman she'd recently become. "I started seeing my therapist again," she explained.

Though she was pleased Brooke had sought professional help, Olivia clenched a little inside at the realization she hadn't been the one with whom Brooke chose to confide. "Therapy helps so much," she said softly. "I'm glad you made that decision."

"Please don't tell anyone other than Dad."

"I won't."

"Olivia," Brooke said with a smile, "I don't want things to be weird between us. I'm sorry I went to Sarah first, it's what I always do and that was, well, immature."

Olivia nodded. In her mind, there was no need for either of them to apologize, but she reciprocated, reached for Brooke's hand, and told her she loved her. "Never forget that," Olivia said. "We get caught up, a lot, with these sweet little ones, but I care about you and love you the same, Brooke."

Brooke managed a self-deprecating smile. "It's taken me a really long time to accept that. But I'm there. I am, finally, there."

…

Lieutenant Benson faced a panel of men, all of whom had either "deputy" or "chief" or a combination of both in their titles. On her way to One PP she resigned herself to what was coming. Barba had informed the brass of her relationship with Tucker and she was being called to the carpet. Best case scenario, she figured, was that she had to temporarily recuse herself from the investigation. Worst case? She predicted mandatory, paid time off.

Boy was she wrong.

"Lieutenant, thank you for coming in so late."

Olivia merely nodded and stared blankly back at the Deputy Commissioner for Internal Affairs, a man she'd never actually met.

"ADA Barba relayed some information to us this evening pertaining to an investigation SVU is handling and, based on his account, there's a clear conflict of interest considering you and Captain Tucker are...involved...in an extracurricular personal relationship."

Stifling a sarcastic chuckle, Olivia swallowed hard. Extracurricular?

"With all due respect, sir, my relationship with Tucker has nothing to do with this case. These accusations...are spurious...there is a larger conspiracy going on here, and...we have to continue digging."

"SVU will have to do that with Sergeant Dodds in temporary command," the Chief of Detectives replied, "You're being reassigned to Community Affairs. They're expecting to see you tomorrow."

"Community Affairs?" Olivia snapped.

"Yes. We feel your skills and experience will be an asset there, particularly for their female officers and their outreach with women and children."

An impenetrable human wall of dark suits, salt-and-pepper hair, and good 'ole boys power stood between her and her job. Olivia asked no more questions. She had a handful of snarky retorts, but she muttered them to herself on the way to the precinct. She shoved her boxes of personal belongings into the back seat of the sedan and zoomed uptown, toward home, but, as horrible as it sounded, she didn't want to go home. Noah had been asleep for hours. Lucy, used to impromptu calls to duty, planned on staying as long as she was needed, and, right now, she was definitely needed.

Olivia called Ed.

"Are you still out?" She asked without saying hello.

"Nah, went home. What happened?"

"Okay if I stop by?"

"Sure. You need me to pick you up?"

"No, I'm almost there."

Ed answered the door clad in jeans and the white t-shirt he'd probably been wearing underneath his button down. He had a drink in his hand and passed it to Olivia. She took a generous swig and handed it back. He placed it on a side table.

"Thanks."

"What's goin' on?"

"While you're at Group One tomorrow, I'll be reporting to my new assignment," Olivia said, using a clipped, sharp cadence, "Community Affairs."

"What?" Ed screwed up his face. "What the hell for?"

"According to them, I can't conduct an impartial investigation."

"Barba."

"Yes. Barba."

"Goddam it." Ed stalked around his living room. He stopped at the window, braced himself against the sill, and stared into the night. "Liv, I'll fix this."

"We don't even know what this is," she said, taking the liberty to have another drink from his glass. "But it's sure nice to know two cops with impeccable reputations and records are given the benefit of the doubt."

Ed appreciated the sarcasm, but it didn't calm him down much. "They're probably in on it. All of 'em. Probably got those traffickers on speed dial."

"What do you know about Eugene?"

"Other than he's going straight to hell? Not much. He went to college, got a degree, went into the priesthood, we were never close. Christmas and Easter relatives. But he obviously got himself in over his head in somethin, I show up, and, bam, he's got a convenient fall guy." Ed saw her drinking from his glass and frowned. "Sorry. Lemme get you a glass."

He tried to dash past her but she grabbed him by the wrists. "It's not over, Ed. It's not. I'm not going to stop."

Tension flowed from his body all the love and admiration he had for her collected in his cheeks and eyes. "Piece of advice?"

"Go ahead."

"You have more riding on this than I do, Liv. Don't let this ruin your career, take your pension…"

"We're very far from that."

"The more you fight it, the more you push back, the worse it could get."

"Neither one of us have done anything wrong," Olivia said. She still had a death grip on his wrists. "We'll fight it."

Ed steeled his jaw, "You have Noah to think about. There's no reason to take risks right now, especially not for me."

"Yes," Olivia said, pulling him in for a kiss. "Yes, there are reasons. If I have to spend the rest of my career at Community Affairs, fine. But I'm not going to stand by and do nothing while girls are being trafficked and you're being framed. We'll find Nina. Get her to talk. My squad won't stand down, I know they won't."

The grim expression on Ed's face faded and gave way to his classic smirk.

"You have to be up early tomorrow," Olivia said, biting her lip, "But...come home with me? I don't want either one of us to be alone tonight."

"Yeah," he said, trying to hide the fact he was thrilled she wanted to suffer through this together. "Give me a couple minutes and we'll go. You eat?"

"No."

"Order in?"

"You can do that on the way."

He grinned and winked. "I'll be right back." Ed went to grab a clean suit and toss a few things in an overnight bag.

Olivia tightened the cap on his bottle of bourbon and slid it into her purse. Her supply had run low. They could have stopped at a store along the way, but the time couldn't be wasted. She couldn't wait to be on her sofa, with Ed, in his arms, and plotting their counterattack. Pity the priests, she thought. Even sidelined, Olivia and Tucker made a formidable team.

….

Perched on the edge of the bathtub, Olivia finished bathing the twins by dumping cupfulls of water onto their already rinsed heads. Both Maggie and Wyatt loved getting doused by the lukewarm water and they squealed in delight. Their long eyelashes clumped together, their faces glistened, and their cheeks were flushed as they both clamored for another deluge.

"GAIN!"

"GAIN, Mama!"

At the dining table, Ed and Noah were hovered over a mostly-blank piece of white poster board. Noah's final project of the school year was a "Kindergarten Timeline"-a chronological account of the most important things learned and experienced in class during the year. Noah had already brainstormed items to include and Ed was now taking measurements so the entries were evenly spaced.

"Those babies have loud baths," Noah murmured.

"You remember when we gave the twins a bath and Maggie slid outta her seat?"

Noah twisted his lips and his eyes suddenly grew wide and intense as he recalled the memory. "YEAH! Maggs went like dis!" Noah stiffened his body, "And I tried ta get her and we crashed!"

"Yeah, but you were so good to try and get her. That's prolly one of the reasons why she loves you so much."

"Yeah…" Noah rested his head in his hands and watched Ed mark off intervals with a pencil. "Daddy?"

"Yeah bud?"

"I'm glad we have those babies."

"Me too."

"Henry say he doesn't like his little brother, but I LOVE Maggs and Wyatt!"

"Why doesn't Henry like his brother?"

Noah shrugged. "I dunno. Think 'cause da brother's always tryin to get his toys! But," Noah chewed the tip of his index finger, "We prolly have more toys so Maggs and Wyatt don't need mine."

"We do have a lot of toys…"

"And I have my room! Henry has a room with his brother!"

"Oh…yeah, you're lucky, bud, you can close your door and Maggie and Wyatt won't get your stuff."

"Yeah…" Noah started giggling and it escalated so he was soon convulsing on top of the table.

"What's so funny, bud?"

"Mommy can get ALL your stuff Daddy 'cause you share a room!"

Ed laughed along with Noah. "Well, Mommy's pretty respectful. We share a room but she doesn't take my stuff."

"Yes she does!"

"She does?"

"She takes your shirts! Da ones dat say Jets!"

"Oh, well, I kinda gave her those."

"You nice, Daddy."

"Thanks, bud."

…..

Ed cradled Olivia against his chest and ran his fingers lightly over her wounded arm. They were both exhausted and the night's lovemaking, while satisfying, was significantly less intense than it had been twenty-four hours before.

"Gonna tell me about Brooke now?" Ed smirked into her head. Olivia sent him a vague "all good" text earlier, but she and Ed hadn't had a chance to comprehensively debrief.

Olivia rattled off a succinct summary without going into too much detail. She emphasized Brooke's newfound devotion to self-care and downplayed a possible separation. "I think...once she's truly happy with herself and feeling whole again, it'll be different. It's hard to think big when you're dealing with so much."

"Liv, uh...I gotta point out...or, uh...were you thinkin' big when we first, well, when we started seein' each other?"

"Honestly, Ed, I don't know what I was thinking. Or, well, I was thinking I wanted a friend I could trust."

"But-"

"-I know what you mean. How did I get serious about you when there was so much uncertainty in my life?"

"Yeah."

Olivia shimmied around, "That's the one thing I can't bring myself to tell Brooke, or, maybe, I don't want to reveal it about us. I trusted you. It didn't take long, after everything from before, but when we turned that corner there was no going back. Everytime I left a place after we met I felt better, more confident, stronger...you had that effect on me. You still do."

"I was only tryin' to make sure I could count on seein' ya again…every time, that was all."

"If we had to do it all over again I would've been less hesitant."

"Nah," Ed said, "I think I'd have it exactly the same. We are who we are because of the past, Liv. And we had to navigate it all slowly...no other way. We both knew that. We didn't say it. But we knew it. But that's why I knew there was something more to us-we were always on the same page."

"Almost always."

"We more than made up for those almosts."

"Yeah we did."

Ed reached back and turned off his nightstand lamp, the only remaining light in the room. "I'm gonna tell you a secret."

"Okay."

Ed tightened his grip. "Every night, I think about the first time I spent the night with you. I mean, the first night I stayed and we woke up with Noah...it was like winning the lottery, Liv. Odds so far from being there, but, then, it happened."

"You know what I was thinking that night?"

"What's that?"

"I was thinking…" She turned and stared into his eyes. Even in the dark they sparkled. "First I was thinking, no, wondering, no, I was shocked you were so...you weren't playing games. And I remember feeling like this whole new world had opened up in front of me. So, yeah, I suppose, I felt like I'd won the lottery, too."

They cuddled together in silence for a few minutes. The two of them had all but forgotten their brief breakup and they operated as if it had never happened. The split had been silly and nonsensical. Ed accepted it only because he saw Olivia was in the midst of a mild crisis-one she needed to sort through on her own. He wasn't going to let their relationship languish without a fight. He gave her space, and they quickly reignited their love.

"Still feel like you won the lottery?" Olivia asked.

"Not feel like," Ed replied, "I did."

…..

Leaving the birthday party, Olivia held Maggie's hand and waited for her almost-five-year-old to comment on the festivities. Since their first birthday, Ed and Olivia chose to have family gatherings at home instead of kid-centered destination celebrations. Now that the twins were older and finishing their stint in preschool, Olivia thought maybe Maggie and Wyatt would like a more extravagant birthday party; today, however, she only was able to get feedback from her daughter, for Wyatt hadn't been invited to the girls-only princess party. Privately, Olivia and Ed had been shocked such gender-normed parties still existed.

"Have a good time, Maggs?"

As soon as they left the hotel ballroom, Maggie yanked the tiara from her head. "This's scratchy!"

"Okay, sweet girl," Olivia took it from her, "Want to keep it?"

No! Frow it in da trash!"

Maggie's little forehead furrowed and Olivia had to stop herself from laughing. Her daughter was adorable all the time, but doubly so when she was annoyed. Each day, her personality became more pronounced, and it was a combination of Ed's no-nonsense practicality and Olivia's justice-driven compassion.

"Sure?"

"Yes!" In case her mother was planning to overrule her, Maggie immediately spotted a trash can, snatched back the tiara, and tossed the party favor inside. Her hair was a bit of a mess from the tiara's teeth, and a few dribbles of ice cream had dried on the floral print dress Maggie had picked out last weekend. On her feet were a pair of stretchy ballet flats and her ankles were adorned with beaded bracelets she made with a set her pushover father purchased when they were on errands for items such as toilet paper and bread.

"So, sweet girl, you have a birthday coming up-"

"-Me AND Wyatt! Gonna be," Maggie jabbed a hand in the air, "FIVE!"

"Yes, you and Wyatt. Five years old! Would you like to have a party, maybe not a princess party, but invite all your friends somewhere...you could have games and-"

"-Mommy!" Maggie frowned again, "We have da parties with Sare Bear and Justy and Brookey and Sof! On da roof! And we have games dere too!"

"Okay, honey," Olivia said, smiling apologetically, "I thought maybe you'd want to have friends there, too, but we'll stick with the parties with our family."

"Yes," Maggie stated firmly. "Wyatt and Noah're my friends! And Sof! And Daddy!"

Olivia grinned. At preschool, Maggie was outgoing and always in the middle of a cluster of kids. She rambled on and on about girls and boys at preschool, all of whom Maggie described as friends. Nevertheless, the little girl apparently had drawn a line and put her family members in a superior, exclusive category.

"And!" Maggie tugged on Olivia's arm with both hands. "You my BEST friend, Mommy!"

Maggie continued half-skipping along next to her, oblivious to the enormous significance of what she'd said. Olivia fought tears the whole way home. Maggie chatted away about everything from the type of cake she wanted (confetti) to predicting she was tall enough to drive a bumper car by herself at Luna Park. Olivia managed a few replies, but mostly she was trying not to burst into grateful, happy tears. She had completely turned the tables on her upbringing. Since getting Noah, Olivia promised herself she would not allow any lingering personal demons to interfere with her ability to love her son, and that promise extended to Wyatt and Maggie when they were born. Maggie, however, was a special case. With her, Olivia had the opportunity to raise a daughter the way she wished she'd been raised, love a little girl how she'd always wanted to be loved, and instill values Olivia knew about only from other families or from television.

After they crossed Ninth Avenue and were steps from their building, Olivia picked Maggie up and kissed the tip of her nose. "I love you, sweet girl."

"Love you Mommy!"

Maggie squeezed Olivia's neck and growled a little.

"I'll always be your best friend," Olivia whispered into Maggie's ear. "Always."

….

Whenever anyone entered the apartment, the kids reacted to the alarm chime and sprinted to the door. Olivia loved seeing her children's faces peek around the corner and light up when they saw their mother or father or both their parents at the end of the foyer. Hugs and kisses ensued, shoes and outerwear was shed, and the next stop was usually the island where the family debriefed on what one another had missed while they'd been separated.

The day after Olivia met with Brooke, she returned home from work and an extra face appeared to greet her-Mia's.

"Hi Livia!"

Mia bounced along with the rest of the kids and joined the group hug.

"Hi!" Olivia gathered the kids in her arms and shot Ed an inquisitive glance. "It's so good to be home! I missed you! And Mia! What a good surprise! I've missed you, too!"

"Mia's stayin' for dinner!" Noah said excitedly. "We got pizza stuff and these little crusts and we're gonna make our own pizzas! You can put whatever ya want on it, 'cause it's yours!"

"That's going to be so much fun, sweet boy!"

"I know! Daddy thinked it!"

Olivia grinned at Ed. "Daddy always has good ideas."

"Yep!"

Mia and Noah went back to their toys. Maggie tagged along with the older kids, but Wyatt remained glued to his mother. He fussed a little and Olivia carried him to the bedroom where she swapped her work clothes for jeans and a t-shirt. She gently tossed Wyatt onto the bed and tickled him until he erupted in his deep belly laughter.

"There's my happy boy!" Olivia said. "Sweet Wyatt…" She kissed his cheeks, pulled him into her lap, and held him close. "I love you so much Wyatt Edward."

Ed sauntered into the room and finally kissed Olivia hello. "Poured ya a glass of wine. Want me to go get it?"

"No...I'll get out there in a second. This one...seems to want some extra snuggles. Has he seemed like he was feeling okay?"

"He's been normal," Ed reported. "Prolly just wants his Mommy."

Olivia pressed her lips to Wyatt's head and smiled.

"So, Mia's Dad called me as I was walkin' in to get Noah...their nanny quit abruptly this morning, he's on his way back from Chicago, landin' around seven, so I told him we'd take Mia until he got here."

Accustomed to the haphazard and borderline negligent habits of Mia's caregivers, Olivia merely nodded and asked about how she and Noah were getting along since Noah had indicated their friendship wasn't as tight as it used to be.

"No difference," Ed said, "They played Uno with made up rules, then trains, now they're buildin' somethin' with the legos."

Relieved, Olivia sighed, "Good."

"I got some manicotti for us," Ed said, "In case you don't want pizza."

"Maybe a little of both." Olivia tilted Wyatt's head back. "Are you going to make your pizza, Wyatt?"

"PeeeYAH!"

"What are you going to put on it? Pepperoni?"

"CHEE! Puh-RONI!"

Olivia grinned and kissed all over his face. "Sweet Wyatt…"

Ed stood up and made his way out of the room. He tapped Olivia's knee and winked at her before leaving the two of them alone.

Olivia scooted so she was propped against the headboard and Wyatt was sitting in her lap, facing her. Solo bonding time was at a premium these days, and she stayed there with Wyatt until Noah summoned them into the kitchen.

…

#Tuckson