Forty-one.

"I don't like it when you're sad."

Ed kissed Olivia deeply, pulled away with a smack, and stared into her eyes. Days after she and Brooke had their talk, the marital rift she described was still eating at Olivia. Making things worse, there wasn't much she could do to help.

"Don't be sad, Liv."

Olivia gasped. Ed had sucked, suckled, licked, and kissed her breasts hundreds of times, but the novelty of him lavishing attention on that particular part of her body was no less thrilling than the first time. She lifted her shoulders a bit and watched. Seeing him so engrossed, so wrapped up in loving her intensified the pleasure. Olivia moaned softly and ran her hands up and down his arms. She squeezed his biceps and gasped again.

During a pause for a quick breath, he rasped, "I love you so much."

In response, Olivia only managed another moan. Within the throes of passion, she found herself wondering, once again, how he was so good at this. Even during their first few times he knew exactly what to do and where; like he'd had a sneak preview of a test. As if his sexual sixth sense weren't enough, as soon as Ed's sturdy body came into contact with hers, Olivia was overcome with arousal born of security. In his arms, nothing could go wrong.

"Edddd…"

He knew that tone-part pleading, part desperate. He looked up, brushed her hair back from her forehead, and stared straight into her eyes. "Whaddya want, baby?"

"You. Now."

She tugged at his shoulders. With one hand he propelled himself upwards so his face was flush with hers. With the other he grabbed one thigh and gripped it tightly as he buried himself inside her. "Olivia." He said her name in way that made him sound relieved to finally be there, with her, in the most intimate of moments, as close as they could possibly be, as if he was never quite right until he made love to her.

Ed kissed her and she held his face close. A relaxed smile formed on her lips, and she told him over and over how much she loved him and how good he made her feel. It was sweet, tender, attentive sex, and, as they laid together in the afterglow, Olivia curled into his side and held him tightly. She closed her eyes and felt the swirls he was making on her upper arm wane and finally stop altogether. Ed fell quickly into a deep sleep and Olivia smiled at his nasally breathing-not quite a snore but an indicator that he was out for the night. She looked up at his face which, even in slumber, showed his satisfaction and contentment.

He'd done his job.

Olivia closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

And she was no longer sad.

…..

Tucker opened the tavern door for Olivia. She stepped inside, laughed softly, and nudged him. "Wow," she said, "Just when I think you've shown me every single hole in the wall in the city…" Olivia was in a great mood. Ed had taken her to a supper club, and the twenties speakeasy vibe captivated them both. When Ed suggested a nightcap, Olivia readily agreed.

"I have a few left," he led her by the small of the back to the bar and ordered for the two of them. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "Think I got caught up in the ambiance of the restaurant. Want something else?"

Before Olivia could answer, the bartender slid the two drinks toward them and took Ed's cash.

"This is great," Olivia said, raising her glass, "Cheers."

"Cheers."

"You know, Ed Tucker, I think I always pegged you for a dive bar kind of guy."

He smirked. "I pegged you for someone who could fit in anywhere."

"Don't get me wrong," she said, "I like it...quiet, has character, there's a sort of romance in it. And there's a certain charm about Christmas lights...do they leave those up all year?"

Ed's heart fluttered at "romance," but he managed to play it off and answer her question. "Nah. Only for the holidays." He swiveled around on the stool, pretending to desperately search for something.

"What are you looking for?" Olivia asked, her eyes dancing with amusement.

"Christmas decorations…" he murmured, "There's gotta be some mistletoe around here somewhere."

Olivia grinned and grabbed one of his hands. "You don't need it, Tucker."

"No?"

"No."

Swallowing a sudden burst of nerves, Ed planted an assured yet gentle kiss on her lips. She wasn't letting go of his hand and he pulled away only to have her lean in again. They smiled sweetly at each other.

"You, uh, you give any thought to joinin' us for dinner on Christmas?"

When Ed extended the invitation, Olivia hesitated. Christmas was a big deal, a huge step for which she wasn't sure she was prepared. However, when she thought about declining the invite, her entire body clenched with regret.

"We'd love to," she said.

"Great," Ed gave her a huge smile. "It'll be good."

"What should I bring?"

"Nothin. Yourselves." He saw Olivia's disappointed expression and offered a suggestion. "Well, she's a gin girl. There're a couple of Irish gins you can get here…"

"Thank you."

"It really isn't necessary."

"I have to bring something." Olivia tore the corner of the cocktail napkin and bit her lip. "Does your mom...have a lot of mistletoe around the house?"

Ed's cheeks flushed. "Yeah," he croaked.

"Well, lucky us then."

Ed almost fell off the stool. He shyly ducked his head. She was killing him. He was sure she knew it.

And he never, ever wanted her to stop.

….

The final week of school was a busy one. A series of specially themed days led up to Friday's graduation ceremony. On Monday, Ed and Olivia attended the family breakfast, and, on Tuesday, Ed volunteered at the lower school's Olympic Games and spent most of the afternoon measuring long jumps. The next day, at the Academic Showcase, students guided visitors around the gym. Each subject area had its own table and the teachers displayed exemplary work they'd collected throughout the school year. Every student was supposed to have at least one of their projects, papers, or pieces of artwork displayed; Ed and Olivia beamed with pride. At each table, Noah's work was posted.

In the physical education section, Noah pointed out his certificate from the Presidential Youth Fitness Program. There was no other work displayed, but the teachers placed a low balance beam nearby and showed a loop of video highlights of the kids doing everything from Yoga to playing floor hockey.

Wyatt and Maggie, who had been happily toddling alongside their parents and brother, made a beeline for the balance beam. They made a game of hurdling it on their bellies and swinging themselves from side to side, and Noah rushed over to help them cross the proper way.

"Babies, you gotta walk on da beam like dis!"

Noah expertly traversed the beam with his arms out. He trotted back and held Wyatt's hand as he followed in his brother's footsteps. Ed shadowed the boys and Olivia helped Maggie, but the little girl refused to use the beam as it was intended. She jumped up and down, lost her balance, and giggled when Olivia caught her.

"Gain, Ma! Gain!"

"Small sister," Noah warned, "When ya get to school you gotta do it da right way! Or ya won't get da certif'cate!"

Olivia swung Maggie in the air. "You have plenty of time, sweet girl," she whispered.

"Well, bud, what's next?" Ed looked around the gym for stations they hadn't visited.

Noah put his hands on his hips and followed Ed's gaze. "Creative writing," he said. "Think they have da poems over there!"

"Poems, huh?"

"Yep! We rhyme! A-A-B-B means da As rhyme and Da Bs rhyme. Like...red, bed, light, fight!"

"Sounds good, let's head over there."

The Kindergarteners' poems were typed and clearly transcribed in five-and-six-year-old language, though with a bit of adult editing. Their words were centered on large white cardstock and decorated with the kids' illustrations. Noah's work was from Christmas time and it was entitled My Favorite Things.

"B'cause of da song," he explained after Olivia read the title out loud.

"We haven't seen this," she said, thinking the poem would have been a perfect gift. She fought tears as she read her son's words.

There are lots of things I like.

My scooter, my trains, and my bike.

I like my Daddy because he's really strong

And I like Mommy because she reads stories even if they're long.

I like Maggie and Wyatt-they always smile

And they like to play everything but they really like BABY PILE!

I like Justy and Sare Bear and Brookey and Sonny

And baby Sofia is really funny.

I like Manhattan and I like the subway

I like Mia because we always play

Finally I like Grandma Caroline, I like her house and her hair

For Christmas and Sunday we always go there.

"Sweet boy," Olivia said softly, her voice shaking a bit, "I love this poem."

"You see how it's AABB?"

"Yes, honey, I do."

"This is great, bud," Ed carefully peeled back the corners of the cardstock from the adhesive, "We're gonna take it with us."

"Daddy!"

"Ed!"

"DA! DADADA!"

The objections did not stop Ed from removing the poem from the display board. "They shoulda given this to us when he wrote it. Now we have it."

Olivia kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

Noah needed more convincing. "Daddy! There's a big space on da board now!"

Ed glanced around again. The crowd was thinning out and, as luck would have it, the people in charge of the math and science tables were packing up their displays. "It's okay, pal. I'll tell your teacher we took it and the showcase is almost over. See?"

"Oh...okay...but you tell Mr. B you have da poem!"

"I will."

Noah went back to his classroom and Olivia said goodbye to Ed and the twins and went back to work. When she returned home that evening the poem was matted, framed, and on display in the living room.

…..

The bartender was used to customers throwing back drinks in rapid succession, but his sole customer on this blustery December afternoon was not only thirsty but indecisive. Sarah began with a vodka tonic and switched to gin only to request a Jameson's and soda for her third round. The bartender served the whiskey and politely asked if she was alright. Sarah nodded dismissively, but the question served as a sort of wake-up call. Sarah had to tell Justin about the doctor's appointment and she couldn't be falling down drunk when she did it. She needed a test run, so she summoned Olivia who was nearby at the Benson Center but dropped everything and joined Sarah.

Though Ed and Olivia assumed Sarah and Justin wanted children, the fact that it had been over five years since they'd been married hadn't raised alarm bells. They were both still young, and it was no secret Sarah valued her independence and their carefree lifestyle. She and Justin lavished affection and attention on Noah, Maggie, Wyatt, and Sofia, but everyone knew the two of them also liked giving the kids back after a day of food and fun. Nobody in the family knew they had been trying for a baby since the summer of their marriage. At first, they'd simply abandoned all forms of birth control, but in the past year Sarah had been actively monitoring her ovulation patterns, becoming more scientific about it all, and, when that didn't work, she finally made an appointment with a fertility specialist. Sarah had never expected the final result to end up this way-with her getting drunk in a bar, all alone, the sole bearer of terribly disappointing news.

One need not have been a detective to tell Sarah was suffering. When Olivia arrived, she immediately tensed with concern. Sarah's eyes were bloodshot and her face blotchy from constantly digging her fingernails into her cheeks. Pieces of toothpicks littered the space in front of her and the glass containing the Jameson's and soda now held mostly ice.

"This looks serious," Olivia said as she perched on the stool next to Sarah and motioned for the bartender to bring them another round. She delivered the remark with a hint of jest, but immediately regretted trying to add levity to the situation. "What's wrong?"

Sarah realized she had no clue where to begin. She hadn't eaten all day and she felt the effects of the alcohol. Before Olivia could ask another question, Sarah collapsed into her arms.

Stunned, Olivia hugged her tightly and stroked the back of her head. "It's okay, honey," she said even though she didn't know exactly what she was dealing with. "It's okay."

"No, Livvie," Sarah mumbled, "No, it's not okay."

Olivia let Sarah cry against her shoulder until she stopped shaking. The bartender looked over curiously, but left them alone. "Sarah," she said, "What happened? Tell me." A million scenarios were flying through Olivia's mind-cancer, something career-ending, marital troubles-but she was not prepared for what Sarah blurted out.

"We can't have kids."

"What?"

The entire saga of the past five years tumbled out in slurred sentences. Olivia's heart cracked more and more with each detail.

"Did I wait too long?" Sarah asked rhetorically. "Has it always been pretty much impossible for me to get pregnant? I mean...there were some times...in college...with Jeff…maybe there's a silver lining to all that casual sex…like, Livvie, there were times I got the morning after pill, and I swore I would get an abortion if I got pregnant, more than once, and now I'd do anything. Anything. To have a baby." She shook her head in disgust. "Fuck."

"That's what the doctor said?" Olivia asked. "That it is was pretty much impossible?"

"Yes. And it's all me. Nothing wrong with Justin. So he's probably going to leave me because, hell, I can give him a lot...a nice place to live, a condo on the gulf, theatre tickets, a way for him to not be a starving professor...but I can't give him kids."

Olivia held her by the shoulders and made Sarah look her in the eyes. "You know that's not true."

"No, Livvie. I don't."

"Justin loves you. Not only that...he's loyal. Trustworthy. He's a good man."

"But when we talk about our future...it always involves kids. It involves the two of us being old and having a million grandchildren…"

"This doesn't mean you can't have kids. When you...when you process all of this you'll realize there are other options."

Sarah sniffled.

Olivia took one of Sarah's hand in hers and sighed, "Sweetie…"

Sarah stared at their clasped hands before fixing her teary eyes on Olivia. "I swear I wanted it...wanted to be pregnant...wanted to see a baby who looked like me, like Justin…"

Olivia understood all of Sarah's emotions, yet, if it weren't for the desperation in Sarah's eyes, she would have kept her sentiments to herself. "What's happening is not a punishment," Olivia said. "It's an unfortunate reality. But I can tell you, it's not over."

"Would you have been just as happy if you only had Noah?"

The question was slightly unfair, but Olivia answered as best she could. "When I got Noah, I didn't think I'd ever have anyone. So, yes. My life would have been complete if it had ended up as only me and him. But then...our definition of complete changed. It wasn't that Noah wasn't enough. We wanted more, and, honestly, Sarah, I did want a biological child. I understand how important that is, but it wasn't because we felt shortchanged with Noah."

"Maybe...with donor eggs…"

Olivia was still gripping Sarah's hand. "You have options."

"I don't want to tell Justin."

"He'll be fine," Olivia said confidently. "He loves you. You and Justin will figure out the road ahead together. Trust me on this one. He's not going to leave, Sare."

"Ugh," Sarah buried her head in her hands, "This sucks...with Christmas coming up...fuck…"

"The two of you...you're going away though, the day after. Maybe it's perfect timing."

"Yeah…" Sarah and Justin were flying to Puerto Rico a day after Christmas to spend some time with his extended family and also exploring the island. "But then again, I don't want to have to answer questions about when we're having kids."

"Maybe pretend you don't speak Spanish?"

Sarah giggled. "Livvie…they already know."

"I spent a long time finagling my way out of those types of questions," Olivia said.

"That must've been annoying."

Smiling reflectively, Olivia said, "It was at times...especially when the implication was that I didn't care or didn't understand someone's pain because I wasn't a mother. But they were right. As much as I hate to admit it, they were right."

Sarah gulped the rest of her drink, signaled for another round, but asked for the check when the drinks were delivered. "I suppose I better face reality sooner rather than later." She sipped the fresh drink and added, "I'd probably be a crappy mother anyway."

"Stop." Olivia's voice was firm and commanding. "You will be. Will. Be. A fantastic mother. I know because I've seen you with Noah and Maggie and Wyatt. This is tough right now, Sare, but soon, you'll see...one way or another, it will happen for you and Justin. You'll get your family."

…..

The rest of Olivia's day passed without incident, or, rather, without developments that would be important to anyone other than law enforcement or victims. The more Olivia communicated with the television show's producers and writers, the more she realized they had a sensationalized perception of what actually happened at the the precinct. Most crimes and cases never made it to the news, but they were all, at best, life-altering. At worst, they were devastating. She wondered if the show would have the real-life impact its creators intended, and she assumed, at the very least, they had asked her to assist in good faith. Maybe she'd been called in to provide authenticity. It was for this reason, and only this reason, she signed on in the first place.

For reasons unknown, the twins and Noah were unusually hyper. The three kids were in the middle of a boisterous jam session when Olivia got home, and she entered undetected. Even though she missed the kids running to greet her, she paused at the end of the foyer and smiled as she watched Noah and Wyatt bang away at their keyboard and drums. Maggie danced around with a set a maracas. Olivia peeked around the corner at Ed. He was dicing vegetables at the island keeping one eye on the kids and the other on their dinner.

"MOMMY!"

"MAMAMAMA!

"MAAAAAA!"

Olivia crouched and collected all three kids into her arms. "Hello sweethearts! It's so good to be home!"

"MA! PAY, MAMA!" Maggie wriggled away, grabbed a bongo, and brought it to Olivia.

"I'll join the band, honey," she said, "As soon as I change clothes." Olivia stood up, carrying Maggie with her. "And kiss Daddy."

"KIH! KIH DA!"

"Hey there," Ed put his arms around her waist. Even with Maggie on Olivia's hip and Wyatt and Noah playing their instruments, for a moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the room. Olivia remembered the first time he greeted her like this-their waists pressed together, upper bodies angled in opposite directions, eyes locked, and Ed's face contorted in semi-naughty smirk. Then, and now, it was so obvious he was happy as hell to see her.

"Hi." Olivia grinned as he kissed her.

"KISS! KISS MA!"

Maggie puckered her lips and Olivia and Ed took turns kissing her. Maggie reacted both times with an exaggerated "MWAH!"

"Sweet girl…"

"Got stir fry goin," Ed said softly, "And dumplings...you hungry?"

"I am...dumplings?"

"Bought those," Ed confessed, "But the stir fry...all me."

"Sounds so good," Olivia gave him another peck on the lips. "I'll change and help you."

Ed smirked. "Wine?"

"Please."

"PEASSSSE!"

"C'mon, sweet girl," Olivia said, grinning. "Let's get Mommy out of these work clothes."

In the bedroom, Olivia tossed Maggie onto the mattress, tickled her, and blew raspberries on her belly. Maggie giggled uncontrollably and blew raspberries of her own into the air. Ed heard the squeals, smiled to himself, almost burst with joy because he knew Olivia's heart was bursting as well.

She emerged in shorts and a t-shirt. Maggie had already rejoined her brothers and Olivia parked herself at the island. She sipped wine and flipped through the stack of mail that had been piling up since the beginning of the week. Most of it was addressed to her and Ed refused to open it. Olivia tossed the junk mail aside and saved envelopes for last. She and Ed made typical husband and wife small talk until she opened a letter from her publishing agent. Enclosed was a royalty check.

"Oh. My…"

Ed slid the wok to an unheated burner and turned around. "What is it?"

"I guess I never imagined the book...would result in this."

She held up the check. Ed blinked and took a step backwards.

"Wow."

"I know."

He grinned and rounded the island so he could hug and kiss her. "I'm so proud of you."

"This is unreal."

"You deserve every penny."

Olivia chuckled and sardonically muttered, "My life...my career...has a number on it apparently."

Ed held her at arm's length. "That's not what's most important though. There's no telling how far your influence has reached. How many lives you've saved."

Out of appreciation, her face softened. "I should stop being so cynical."

Ed smirked. "That's a tall order."

"Maybe…" she turned the check over and over in her hand, "We can use this for something fun...for the house maybe? That outdoor kitchen we saw? We could really get everything we want...do it up right."

"Sure could."

"And with the rest...savings...have three kids to put through college."

"That's very responsible." Ed took her into his arms again, "But they're all gettin' scholarships or gonna be rock stars so, probably not a priority."

Olivia laughed and put her head against his chest. "Good point, Ed Tucker. Let's blow it all on the beach house."

…

#Tuckson