Chapter 33: I Want To Stay In T.R.A.S.H. Forever
(Peter)
Have you ever skipped a meal?
Back when I was younger and it was just me and my mom, there were loads of times when I would skip dinner. Instead of eating, I hung out in the living room, watching TV or building my latest best-lock set while I waited for her to get off of work.[1]
She wouldn't arrive home from her late shift until past midnight, but I'd always be there to greet her when she came through the door of our little apartment. After a big hug, she'd grab two bowls of probably stale off-brand captain crunch and we'd sit down at our plastic dinner table. Mom would pour the milk for us and remind me for the umpteenth time that I shouldn't skip dinner or wait up for her to finish her weekend shifts.
I'd wave off her lecture by telling her I wasn't really hungry anyway and then I'd say something like, "I would love to go to bed on time, but that would require you to come home and tuck me in," which we both knew was impossible.
Then she'd narrow her eyes and say, "You just eat your dinner, you smart-mouthed sea slug," in her mock-serious tone.
I'd roll my eyes, but do what she said and take my first bite of cereal.
No matter how stale the cereal was, that first bite always tasted fucking delicious because I was always hungry by that time.
Who wouldn't be after hours of not eating?
Yet somehow it always blew my little kid mind that I could go from totally not hungry to starving in the space of one bite. And once I got that bite, I would be chowing down on my cereal so fast that it'd be gone before the milk had a chance to turn blue.
That's what it was like to work at The Remedial Artisan School of Hephaestus aka T.R.A.S.H. Except instead of food, it was happiness and normalcy that I had been hungry for and now I couldn't get enough. It was crazy how afraid I'd been when I first arrived here. I can clearly remember freaking the fuck out before I got my first taste of T.R.A.S.H…
The first thing I'd noticed when Talass brought me inside of T.R.A.S.H. were the screams. They echoed off the walls and filled the space, but they weren't the craziest thing about the place. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the sea of tangled golden conveyer belts supported by Grecian columns that jutted out at odd angles. The belts shifted and contorted like a pile of restless metal serpents causing the columns to shorten and elongate as necessary. And if it were not for the ominous holes that seemed to appear at random showing that the floor and ceiling were mirrors, I might have thought the whole twisted mass of belts went on forever, carrying cars, furniture, jewelry, weapons, and…
Us!
Before I knew it, Talass had placed Grover, Bianca, Zoë, and me onto separate conveyor belts. I fought to get off and go back to the safety of the entry room, but I was stuck to the golden surface of my belt.
We were all trapped.
"Stop this at once, foul automaton," Zoë shouted, "My goddess will have your head!"
Bianca and I just cried out for help.
But the giant robot just waved while she watched us be dragged into the chaos. Her parting words were, "We Hope You Enjoy Your Orientation!"
Meanwhile, Grover was shouting too, but even though his belt had turned him upside down and his arms were hanging loose, all he said was "Woo-hoo!" as he was carried towards the ceiling and away from us.
Then Bianca was pulled to the right. Zoë went left. And I went down toward the mirrored floor. As the hard glass came up to meet me, I resisted the urge to close my eyes and saw a hexagonal opening appear in the nick of time. I went through it, dropping down a vertical tunnel into another maze of writhing belts. I then was thrown left and into a loop-de-loop, a few sharp turns, and a couple of dips, before going through the floor again.
It was around the fourth time I found myself in a new area right after I went through a crazy twist on my belt that left me hanging upside down that I began to feel…lighter.
I did not understand it. It was not a physical sensation. Physically, I was feeling like I had left my stomach in another room.
I surveyed the space I was currently in trying to understand what was occurring. Among all the objects on the belts, there were monsters and even a few regular-looking humans. They were screaming with their arms up like I had seen Grover do.
The few people who noticed me looking grinned at me and I realized they didn't think this was some sinister trap meant to disorient them. They were having…fun on this odd Grecian rollercoaster. Moreover, I was having fun too?
I was having fun.
That was the feeling. I was happy because this was fun!
I opened my mouth and yelled, "Woo-hoo!"
My voice joined the chorus of screams around me. I let the insanity of the ride override my New Moon paranoia and had FUN!
Of course, anything that good couldn't last.
Less than 5 minutes after I decided to enjoy the madness, I was going through another hexagonal tunnel. Instead of just passing through it, a panel on the side of the tunnel opened up and I was burped into a large hexagonal room.
I stumbled but I managed to catch myself before I crashed into anything. Instantly alert, I stood up and inspected the new space.
On one side there was a bed, a small table covered in books, and the type of mini fridge you'd expect to see in a hotel. On the other side, was a workbench, a gamer-level desktop, some shiny machines I didn't recognize, a huge fireplace, an anvil, and standing in one of the corners was:
A seriously hot girl.
It didn't matter that she was made of solid gold and her smile was black. She was built like a wet dream.
"Master Peter?" she asked, coming towards me.
"Uh…" I said, trying to regain my composure.
The woman closed the distance and took my wrist.
Panic shot through me.
I had let my guard down!
I needed to get into a defensive position and re-evaluate the situation now.
I tried to slip free of her grasp but she was too strong.
The golden girl jerked my hand up to her eyes and stared intently at my fingers. "These Are Your Prints," she concluded and I realized she sounded a lot like Talass. Considering that and the gold plating, she had to be a robot.
The robot dropped my hand and took a step back. "Master Peter," she said, "Welcome Back. Would You Still Like To Be Addressed As Master Peter?"
Master Peter? Now that I was done freaking out the name registered. Also, she'd just said welcome back. This was raising a bunch of red flags. "Look," I said, stepping to the side and away from the sexy robot. "I guess I've technically been here before, but I lost my memory recently. I don't know anything about you, this place, or whatever weird relationship we used to have. So, you don't have to call me, Master Peter. Just Peter is perfectly fine."
"JUST Peter," the robot repeated, cocking her head to the side. "I See. I Am Sorry For Your Loss. Your Epithet Preference Has Been Noted. I Hope We Can Make A New Start, Just Peter."
"Wait." I think I'd had more than my fair share of epithets. Thank you very much. "I don't even want you to call me Just Peter. I just want you to call me: Peter," I said as clearly as I could.
The robot shook her head. "I Am Sorry, Just Peter. I Am Afraid I Cannot Do That. PROTOCOL 5374617274 Is Very Clear.[2] Every Artisan Needs An Appropriate Epithet Or Title," she explained. "Common Choices Include MASTER, AWESOME, LADY, OVERLORD, PRINCESS, CRAFTY, WITTY, MIS—"
"Okay, okay, I get it," I said quickly, "If you need an epithet so bad, why don't you just call me New…"
I felt my stomach squeeze.
Damn it!
I wasn't Pe—
I mean I wasn't New Moon!
I was Peter.
I was fucking Peter!
How hard was it to remember my own damn name?
"NEW," the robot repeated as I struggled to keep it together, "Your Epithet Preference Has Been Noted, New Peter. It Is Regrettable That Your Memory Banks Are Malfunctioning. However, PROTOCOL 4e756c6c Is Very Clear.[3] Since You Cannot Remember Your First Visit, Allow Me To Begin At The Beginning And Give You The Standard Orientation:
Welcome To The Remedial Artisan School of Hephaestus. You Have Been Deposited Here Because The Outside World Does Not Value You As They Should. However, We Believe:
It's Never Too Late To MAKE A Difference™
At The Remedial Artisan School of Hephaestus, We Try To Give Every Sentient Being A Chance To Shine. No Matter Your Background, Species, Or Past, We Offer The Opportunity To Get Back On Your Feet, Learn Some New Skills, And MAKE A Real Difference In The World. Here There Is No Such Thing As Junk Or Trash. All Things Have A Use When They Are Under The Protection Of The World's Greatest Craftsmen."
At this point, the robot girl gestured at the workbench area. A widescreen TV came down from the ceiling and began to play a video. It showed a beefy old man at his forge banging away at something before he turned and smiled awkwardly. He looked like a grimier version of Santa Claus with a grey beard and stained apron.[4]
"Hello there," he said, "I used to be like you. I was useless, lonely, and ugly. My own birth mother didn't want me. She threw me away thinking that I was junk, but then my real family saved me and helped me find a new purpose. I discovered that worth isn't defined by how broken you are, but by what you can fix."
He grabbed the thing he was working on and said, "See this." He was holding a metal shield with a large blue gem laced with golden veins that flowed out to the edges in a cool spiral design. "It was made from some twisted golden arrows, scrap metal, and a crack gemstone," he explained. "That's us. Some people start out as trash but with some hard work and training, anything can be valuable. Or at least that's the metaphor."
He shrugged. "If you want to go back up to the place and people who threw you away, I won't stop you, but this is your chance to feel good about yourself. So, build a widget. If you like the process, consider sticking around. Otherwise, good luck I guess." After an awkward nod, the video transitioned to another golden robot lady who was standing in a room similar to mine.
She explained that I was in a crafts school, my robot was my teacher, and that if I was good and diligent, I could have an awesome life here. It was around this time that I was feeling well enough to think hard about what the video was telling me.
One of my favorite pitstops in PJO was the Lotus Hotel. After facing monsters and helping out Ares, it was nice to see Percy, Annabeth, and Grover find a piece of paradise. Nothing tried to kill them there. In fact, I was really impressed Percy managed to leave. I mean infinite games, food, and entertainment?
Sign me up!
Even C.C.'s resort had its appeal. Maybe if Circe had tried to seduce Annabeth with architecture and math instead of magic, Annabeth would have stayed. The place was another type of paradise, so it's a good thing I hadn't been given the option.
My life was fucking hard right now. I was barely holding onto my sanity, so true determination and making difficult decisions were out of the question.
I had to applaud the fic. I mean if I was ever going to be distracted from my quest, it was going to be now. If I hadn't read the books and lived my year as New Moon that is.
But I had.
I knew this fic wasn't PJO, New Moon's world, or even mine, but in most places: you can't get something for nothing. Maybe if I was a Mary Sue, things would be different, but I wasn't.
So, when the video ended and the robot asked if I'd like to start a project, I looked at one of the hottest humanoids I'd ever seen standing in one of the coolest setups I'd ever seen and knew I had to turn it all down. "I would love to get started," I said being 100% truthful, "but I'm on a quest. I can't stay."
My mom was waiting for me and so were answers and Annabeth. Both sides of my brain agreed:
Though I wanted to rest, I had to press on.
The automaton who had been getting out tools suddenly turned back to me. "You Are On A Quest?"
"Yes, so it is important that I continue on my journey. I would love to return later though?" I added in response to the automaton's unchanging expression which still somehow managed to seem displeased.
"The Remedial Artisan School of Hephaestus Has Special Protocol For Questing Parties," the automaton informed me. "Shall I Request FORM 51756573742050726f746f636f6c For Your Withdrawal?" [5]
"Yes, thank you," I confirmed, though I did not believe the automaton would do as she promised. I just wanted her to leave the room, so I could escape this utopian prison.
"Very Well, New Peter." The automaton nodded. "While I Request FORM 51756573742050726f746f636f6c For Your Withdrawal, Please Make Yourself At Home Here. Perhaps You Could Catch Up On Your Emails," she said, gesturing at the desktop which turned on in response to her movement.
My eyes flitted over to the screen. I meant to give it the briefest glance to provide the illusion of compliance. However, that didn't happen.
While I stared at the screen, the robot continued, "I Recovered Your Account And Re-Installed The Appropriate Filters. I Hope It Is To Your Liking, New Peter. You Can Give Me Your Review When I Return."
I heard her move to the center of the room where the tube was. The robot said, "
DEPARTMENT 50656f706c65205265736f7572636573
FORM 51756573742050726f746f636f6c." [6]
I heard the tube open and close. I assume the robot went inside, but I didn't check. My legs had taken me towards the desktop. It was the first computer I'd gotten to touch since getting stuck inside this fic, but that wasn't why I was mesmerized, not by a long shot.
I had known things might get trippy when I learned that this universe's me had come here before but this was something else. The reason I couldn't look away was that I was staring at a page full of notifications about updates, PMs, and weirdest of all, reviews, all from the same site.
Before I knew it, I had clicked on the latest email.
...
PerryJotterson_87,
A new review has been posted to your story.
Story: Fleur Delacour And The Girl Who Studied
Chapter: 159. Before Midnight
From:[7]
Reply URL:[8]
I know it's been like forever since you last updated, but is there any chance you're gonna write more?! I've reread this story so many times. This is like my favorite fic ever! Fleur and Hermione are so cute! I NEED to know what happens at the Yule ball. Please if you're not dead, finish the story!
-
Do not reply to this email.
FanFictionNet Messaging Service
...
What the actual fuck?!
There had to be some mistake. I scrolled through more reviews and a lot of PMs from someone named BetaAnn. There were multiple pages of this shit.
Fuck it.
I decided to bite the bullet and got onto FanfictionNet. My email was already filled out.
I typed in my password, hoping it wouldn't be that easy.
It was.
By Artemis's Bow…
Against my better judgment, I went to Perry Jotterson_87's account to look at the user profile and found this:
...
Hey!
Thank you for actually f*** checking my profile
I'm not dead!
(Probably)
I'm just on the move. Updates will be slow for a while. I know the timing is s*** but hey I don't make the rules. Give me a few more months to get my s*** together and then yeah, it'll be time for the Yule Ball!
;)
Now onto your regularly scheduled profile s***:
Hey all,
I started writing fanfic a few months after reading Goblet of Fire. It seems like we're never going to get the next book.
I know everyone says they like Harry Potter but I f*** LOVE it. I wish I was a wizard and could learn magic instead of being a lame muggle with lame powers. Hermione is basically a f*** goddess and could probably save the world by herself. I keep waiting for Harry to stop being a wet d*** and make a move on the best girl around, but I'll leave that to JKR and the HXH shippers.
Me, I'm just happy to write my AU about the best witch going to someplace that'll actually appreciate her. I realize a Fleur POV is a sue in the making but like who gives a f***? There aren't a lot of named characters to work with when it comes to Beauxbatons Academy and the Veela thing is pretty cool. So, deal with it. After all, this is fanfic:
Don't like. Don't read. I don't f*** care.
Peace!
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You're still here?
Well, have some favorites then:
Favorite Book: Harry Potter (duh)
Favorite Movie: National Treasure
Favorite Game: I like puzzles I guess
Favorite Live-Action TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond (long story)
Favorite Cartoon: X-Men
Favorite Comic: I don't read them much, but Spider-Man is pretty cool
Favorite Characters: Hermione Granger(duh), Harry/Harriet/Amorie Potter, Fleur Delacour, Rogue, Gwen Stacey, Percy Weasley (long story), Gambit, Spider-Man
Favorite Genres: I don't do smut but anything else goes
Favorite Couples: HermioneXAnyone Who Isn't Old Or Ron (Seriously f*** off Ron), GwenXPeter, RogueXGambit
Favorite Hobbies: Reading(duh), Writing(duh), Building S***, Swimming, Puzzles
Favorite Quote: "But from that moment on, Hermione Granger became their friend. There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them."
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Oh…you thought I forgot to mention my house, didn't you?
Nice try, but nah, not today. Of course, I've given it a s*** ton of thought. I bet the sorting hat would try to put me in Ravenclaw, but I would definitely choose to be in Gryffindor. Sure, Ravenclaw sounds cool and stuff, but let's be honest: Gryffindor is where the action(and Hermione!) is at. Plus, Prof. McGonigal is so much cooler than Prof. Flitwick.
Take that, birdbrains!
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What now?
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Seriously. Go away.
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There is way too much good s*** out there for you to be wasting your time reading this.
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And I got a fic to write.
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Damn, you're persistent. Here. Have another quote:
"If a book is a dream, then fanfiction is for people who are smart enough to realize that they don't have to wake up."
– Anonymous
Now, I gotta go live my muggle life. You should do the same or f*** read my fic and leave a s*** ton of cool reviews.
You obviously got a lot of time on your hands. Just saying ;)
Either way:
Deuces!
...
I wish I could say this wasn't this universe's me, but:
- I had gotten in using my password.
- Perry Jotterson wasn't that different from my own name.
- We had similar hobbies and favorites.
- And even if I could say all that was the fic just fucking with me, I recognized the quote at the bottom. It said anonymous, but I knew where it came from: I had made it up myself.
I sat back in my chair.
When had I decided to sit down?
I didn't fucking know. Did it fucking matter? The Peter Johnson of this world was a Harry fucking Potter nerd who had written a 100K+ incomplete Mary Sue fanfic about some chick named Fleur Delacour.
A part of me knew this was of little consequence. I had suffered fates much worse than this. Truly, this was trivial compared to New Moon's tragic past and I had much more pressing problems. Annabeth, New Moon, my mother…
But goddamn it!
Even after everything else that had happened, this…
This felt fucking personal.
Why else would his profile say shit like 'Deuces' and that 'demigod powers were lame'?
Why else would he have written an unapologetic Mary Sue fic of Harry Potter?
What other reason could there possibly be for him to have Percy Fucking Weasley as a favorite character?
Nobody liked Percy Weasley. Even I knew that!
And: Don't like. Don't read. Don't fucking get me started!
No, this wasn't an accident or the whim of some amorphous god, this was a targeted fucking attack on everything I fucking stood for. How fucking dare they use my fucking name and make this fucking Tool sound happier than I'd been in fucking years. I couldn't let this go and they knew it.
They fucking knew me.
I still remembered the look I'd gotten in the big house from forever ago. That angry face still managed to be terrifying even after all the shit I'd been through and I had been through shit: Percy's mis-claiming, my Iris Message with my Other Mother, my talk with Mr. D, the whole episode with the Nemean Lion, New Moon, Apollo, Andi disappearing before I could apologize and literally everything else that had happened since I'd gotten to this world.
Just pain in the ass after pain in the ass after pain in the ass and it had been a fucking distraction. I'd been so caught up in worrying about staying alive, avoiding the Sue, dealing with New Moon's bullshit, and then making the mistake of being happy for 5 goddamn minutes that I never asked the fucking question I should have thought of fucking ages ago:
"Who the fuck is writing this story?"
"You Are," a voice from behind me said.
I whirled around, but it was just the robot. She was carrying a giant pile of paperwork. "I Know That You Plan To Leave And You Do Not Remember Me, But I Am So Happy That We Have Been Reunited. I Can, At Last, Share A Copy Of Your Fanfic So That You Can Finally Finish Your Marvelous Mesmerizing Masterpiece."
She beamed at me with those black teeth of hers and something inside me snapped. I started to laugh the sort of laugh you make before you realize you're about to die, so yeah…
Good fucking job fic.
You managed to surprise me yet again. I had no fucking idea I could hate you any more than I already do. But then you had to make it fucking personal.
Well.
FUCK!
YOU!
And…
Fuck me.
The tears started. Because of fucking course, they did.
I knew I was overset.
But I didn't fucking care!
"Peter?" the robot said, "Do you want a hug?"[9]
"NO!" that was the last thing I wanted. "I just want to go home back before I'd gone through fucking shit and be normal-ass Peter Johnson again."
Not the guy who couldn't even have an emotional breakdown without part of his brain telling him he's overwrought and should be focusing on his continual survival so he could aid Annabeth and complete her quest.
Because fuck being selfless and self-sacrificing.
"I want to be the type of stupid idiot who reads fanfiction, writes reviews like they're the most important thing in the world, goes to school, hangs out with his friends, and pretends like he doesn't want to watch Suits with his mom, but does and loves doing it because it's their show. Is that so much to ask?"
But I already knew the answer to that:
Yes, it was.
I would never be that guy again. Being in this fic had ruined me.
I could scarcely imagine going back to my small and petty existence after the turmoil I'd experienced.
I didn't even know who I was anymore. And this fic was mocking me for it. Mocking everything I used to be and now, thanks to New Moon, I had access to a live-in critic who questioned every thought and decision I made that didn't align with her own.
I was already fighting Mary Sues, bad plotting, crazy gods, and all sorts of other bullshit, but what was I supposed to do against a world that had an actual personal fucking vendetta against me?[10]
Goddamn it. I was just…
"Here," it was the robot. It was still here and it was holding out a Cookies and Cream Hershey's.
It was my favorite candy bar and also not.
For an entire year, I had preferred environmentally-friendly dark chocolate Hunter bars and believed commercialized white chocolate tasted suspiciously like sugared plastic and child labor.[11]
The robot opened the candy bar for me and held it up to my mouth. I could smell it. The scent was familiar and comforting, but also way too sweet and artificial. My stomach twisted from the dissonance.
Fuck it!
I took a bite to silence the unwanted New Moon commentary.
It tasted good!
While I chewed on the chocolate, I focused on the robot and somehow her words managed to be exactly what I needed to hear.[12]
I finished my candy bar, wiped away my tears, and decided not to fill out the paperwork I needed to continue my doomed quest for Annabeth, Mom, and my unachievable old life. Instead, I followed the robot to the workbench and started my first project as New Peter.
I honestly couldn't tell how much time had passed since then. That all could have happened hours or days ago. Once I was in the zone, things like that became pretty arbitrary.
I did my repairs, made some new stuff, and worked with Anna. She was always there to instruct me on how to do something or fetch me a snack. Anna made the best snacks, but even better than that perk was the fact that when I was doing my thing, I didn't have to deal with stomach pains, the urge to call deities by their epithets, or my thoughts descending into weird old-timey flowery language. While I was working, there was no one in my brain except for the New and Improved Peter Johnson.
And it was GREAT!
Right now, I, unfortunately, wasn't working, but that was okay. It was mealtime. I didn't know which meal. At T.R.A.S.H, there's no distinction between them. They just happened at regular intervals. But get this, I was having my meal with my friends.
That's right. I had friends again!
And they liked talking fanfiction, superheroes, books, and of course, they wanted to hear about my latest project. Anna had gotten me started on goldsmithing. I was repairing a giant bird claw with retractable talons. It was so cool!
"Dude, that doesss sssound sssuper cool," Amazing Ally said in agreement. She was a rehabilitated Gello demon.[13] "Maybe we ssshould collaborate on a gold and sssilver automaton."
I took a bite out of my pizza and nodded. "You're past level 19 in silver, right?"
"Yesss," she hissed. "And I have level 4 in gold. We could enter sssomething into the next expo together."
Beardless Eugene, a baby-faced satyr with attitude, leaned back in his chair with a pretzel stick hanging out of his mouth like a cigarette. "Your fancy metalworking is interesting and all, but brass is doing me just fine. I've made nearly enough instruments for an entire marching band," he bragged.
"What about the French horn problem?" I asked.
Beardless Eugene chomped angrily on his pretzel stick.
I smirked. "You should really talk to one of the Musicals."
"And lose my bet!?" he exclaimed. "No way! I'm going to prove us Lovebots are masters of all trades."
I understood his point. Every goddess bot had a specialty. If you picked one of the Muses you got to work on papermaking, instruments, mechanical pencils, etc. If you picked Iris, it was glasswork. Demeter handled agriculture and garden equipment. Artemis was camping gear and archery accessories. Hebe bots did toys.[14] Persephone was jewelry.[15] And so on. You'd think Aphrodite would be sex toys or something, but that was Peitho.[16] Aphrodite's category was all of the above and then some. She was a jack of all trades, or as the Musicals, Green Thumbs, Girl Scouts, and all the other cliques liked to say: master of none.[17]
Personally, I liked the variety, but Beardless Eugene who just wanted the ability to customize his Aphrodite bot into a pseudo-Athena bot, was miffed that the satyrs in the Musical clique made fun of him.[18] I totally got that he just wanted to get back at them, but still, "It's your productivity percentage," I said.
"Don't worry. Thena is keeping me on track with my other stuff," he claimed. "I got until next mealtime to win the bet."
"Well," Amazing Ally said, "I guesss that meansss you haven't finished Web of Liesss yet?" [19]
This time, Beardless Eugene smirked and said, "Guess again."
"Finally!" I cried out. "I can't wait to—"
"Peter," someone said.
Beardless Eugene, Amazing Ally, and I turned.
"Oh, look," Beardless Eugene said, "It's a Girl Scout."
Specifically, Bianca. Since I didn't know her title, I just asked, "What are you doing here?"
The daughter of Hades was looking between the others and me. "I need to talk to you," she said. "Alone."
Shit. I was afraid she'd say that. "Can't it wait?" I asked. "I'm in the middle of…"
It seemed that shit-your-pants death glares ran in the Hades family.
I turned back to my friends. "I'll be back." Hopefully.
Bianca dragged me across the cafeteria to the fresh vegetable area of the lunch line which was always deserted. Then she pulled out a piece of folded paper from a pocket and said, "I need you to sign this."
"What is it?" I asked, not bothering to open the form.
"Our ticket out of here," she responded barely resisting a duh. "Now sign." She pressed a pen into my hand.
I knew this day would come, but I had expected it to be Grover, or even Zoë, not Bianca. I took the pen and said, "We both know Miss Sunshine is going to come back."
Bianca eyed me. "So?"
"So, the prophecy says someone is supposed to get lost on this quest." Save yourself the trouble and, "Let that someone be me," I told her. "I have no idea where we are and I don't need to. I'm happy here."
"Peter," Bianca's expression softened and I got to experience what it was like to receive pity from one of the most despised people in the PJO universe.
"I get it," she claimed.
"No," I shot back. "You don't." She had no fucking idea.
"You think I stayed in the Lotus Hotel just because?" she pressed. "I thought I was happy there with Nico, but really, I was just scared. I knew death was waiting out there for me. It still is, but you can't give up on life just because it's going to end. Death always finds you. It's a lot better if you're there to meet it."
"So says the girl who became an immortal Hunter," I countered.
"So says the girl who's trying to make the right decision for once and be the better person, doofus. Andi is off in La-La Land.[20] Zoë is still fighting with management. Grover thinks he's found Pan. So, it's just us. I think I can convince Zoë, but I need you to tackle Grover, so we can get out of here and return to our real lives."
"This is my real life," I told her. Or at least it was real enough where I wasn't going to be budged by her little speech. Thanks to the protection of Hephaestus, I didn't need to go about guns blazing, risking my life on some stupid quest for people I had never actually met. There was no point to any of that, no matter what my outdated instincts claimed. I wasn't listening to her right now.
I wasn't listening to anyone but me:
New Peter.
"Really?" Bianca challenged and I could almost hear her agreeing with the demigod's scorn. "What about Percy, Annabeth, and your mom?"
I stared at Bianca. "How did you…"
"Grover is a chatterbox and Andi isn't much better," Bianca explained. "So, what about them Peter? What about your friends and your mom?"
My friends and…
Mom.
I swallowed a lump in my throat and managed to say, "My mom will be fine without me." I'd always been a third wheel in her new marriage and she was about to have another kid with my step-father anyway. Of course, I missed her and my old friends, but "They'll all be fine without me."
"Peter."
"Fuck off, Girl Scout," I snapped, storming away. I was done listening to that dead girl walking! I was an artisan now, not a dorky sidekick, or Sueish main character. I was going to go back to being lost in my awesome new artisan life with my awesome new artisan friends.
But that plan was forestalled by the tolling of the end of meal bell.
Amazing Ally and Beardless Eugene waved at me, but it was time to get back to work which was good in its own way. I jumped onto the nearest free conveyor belt and headed up to my workshop.
When I arrived, Anna was there to greet me with her black smile and as per usual, she said, "Welcome Home, New Peter."
"Good to be back," I said, already feeling a bit better.
"Would You Like To Do A Post Meal Chat Today? I Have Prepared Some New Questions," she queried.
"Yeah," I said, "A post-meal chat sounds great. What random trivia do you have for me today?"
Anna responded with a question about Avatar, the one with the blue monkey people, and another question about boggarts, whatever those were. I explained my stance on Avatar. The world was pretty cool, but the plot was mediocre and full of clichés. Then when I told Anna that I had no goddamn idea what a boggart was, Anna tried to explain it to me. It was some sort of demon, but once I heard the words 'Harry Potter' I stopped listening.
I swear Anna was like a witch in training or something. If it weren't so cute to have a nerdy robot girl, I'd find her fixation on Harry Potter annoying, but honestly, Anna could never annoy me, not really. She was my best friend here.
For a given value of best. In truth, the automaton—
—was the greatest, so I let the sound of her lovely robotic voice wash over my other thoughts. Then when the time came, I switched topics by saying quickly, "Anna, I'm seriously hyped to finish that golden claw."
"Excellent!" she responded with another smile. "I Have Everything Set Up For You. After You Check Your Email, We Can Get To Work, New Peter."
"Sounds good," I said, going over to the computer. I always seemed to forget to look over my email unless Anna mentioned it.
While I skimped through the sea of company memos and way too many notifications from FanfictionNet, I told Anna about my meal including Amazing Ally's collab idea and Beardless Eugene's attempts to solve the French Horn problem. I even managed to make Anna laugh which always felt good. Anna had such a pretty laugh.
And yet one topic was distinctly absent. The young hunter and her serendipitous offer were not mentioned.
Of course, they weren't! Who the fuck cared about what some Girl Scout thought. She wasn't important because Anna was right. "T.R.A.S.H. is my home now and I never want to leave!"
Anna stopped what she had been saying and responded, "I Am Glad To Hear It. There Is Always Something New To Learn Here, So You Can Keep Improving Yourself Forever. Speaking Of Which, I Think It Is Time For You To Finish Your Current Project, New Peter."
"Right as always, Anna," I agreed. "Let's get back to work!"
Footnotes
[1] Best-Lock Construction Toys are knock-off LEGOs.
[2] This hexadecimal translates to: Protocol Start
[3] This hexadecimal translates to: Protocol Null
[4] Yup! Peter is totally right. According to the PJO wiki, Canon Hephaestus is a huge, deformed lump of a man with a big misshapen head, a braced leg, bushy eyebrows, a wild brown beard that sparks fire from time to time, and shoulders at different heights (so that he always seems to be leaning). He also is supposed to be grumpy and done with organic life. However, the Hephaestus Andi meets in the Sea of Monsters fic is in a much better place. He's a big old softie. Not only is he less jaded in this fic series, but he's also as Peter says older which is the main thing that makes him 'not beautiful'. The reason for the changes is simple (because unlike a lot of things Alpha R spelled this one out for us in one of her Sea of Monsters author's notes). She just really felt bad for Hephaestus and thought he deserved better. So, this is the result:
A less jaded Hephaestus who owns a school instead of a junkyard.
Personally, I always thought it was a little weird that Hephaestus the god who was literally thrown away by his mom would throw anything away. I know he still owns the junkyard in the PJO canon and I guess it's supposed to be a messy room, but I like the idea of him being into reusing stuff a lot more. That concludes my gushing.
[5] This hexadecimal translates to: FORM Quest Protocol
[6] This hexadecimal translates to:
DEPARTMENT People Resources
FORM Quest Protocol
[7] This was a real username, so I omitted it.
[8] This was a real (though doctored) link, so I omitted it.
[9] More on this later.
[10] So…remember how in Prologue 1, I mentioned this might be a revenge fic? I'm still not sure, but here's a compelling argument for that theory.
[11] Yeah…I remember checking this factoid when I first read this story. Apparently back in the day (like less than ten years ago), palm oil, a major ingredient in chocolate and other foods, was often farmed using child labor. Luckily, today this is supposedly no longer the case. I don't know how or why Alpha and Beta R knew this…but it does seem like the sort of thing New Moon, a follower of the goddess and guardian of young girls, would know.
[12] My Delta Reader pointed out that this bears a striking resemblance to the PJO Lightning Thief movie's Lotus Candy. The movie came out in 2010, so Peter must have seen it. Knowing him though, he probably hated it and did his best to forget it existed.
[13] A Gello is a female demon who creates infertility. They usually have horns and are part snake, hence the lisp I suppose.
[14] Hebe is the goddess of youth hence toys I suppose.
[15] Persephone is the goddess of spring and queen of the underworld. I suspect she gets jewelry because Hades is associated with wealth and jewels.
[16] Peitho is the goddess of persuasion, seduction, and charming speech which would explain her dominion over sex toys, I guess.
[17] Musicals are people who pick the Muses for their bots. Green Thumbs probably refers to people with Demeter bots. Girl Scouts is for those girls who pick Artemis. I suspect Aphrodite is a catch-all because as Peter says that makes her master of nothing which sounds like a passive-aggressive insult by her ex.
[18] Unlike in PJO, in the Sea of Monsters fic, it's revealed that Hephaestus is divorced from Aphrodite like he is in Homer's stories. However, Fic Hephaestus is still unmarried. He believes that Aphrodite cursed him as revenge for dumping her which brings me to my point. I believe the reason why Eugene has to make a bootleg Athena is that Athena and Hephaestus aren't on good terms. She is probably still pissed about that one time he was overcome with lust and um…tried to rape her? Yeah…even Hephaestus takes after his father. Don't worry though. Athena got away. As a side note, I have a fic about the aftermath of this incident…it's a poetry rap battle called Cousins of Craft if anyone's interested.
[19] I think this might be a real fanfic. My best guess is that this is referring to a Spider-man fanfic by jtippy100, but there are a lot of fics that go by this name.
[20] La-La Land means being out of touch with things and it is another term for Los Angeles which just happens to be an entrance to the underworld in PJO. So, Bianca's statement is right on multiple levels. This makes a lot of sense to me since Bianca was the last person Andi talked to before leaving the group.
A/N:
And so, I am finally back!
Happy Anniversary Sue's Curse!
I can't believe it's been another year. I admit I didn't publish as many chapters as I would like this year. Although there were some very interesting ones I think. And for better or worse for y'all I am really looking forward to what you'll make of the next chapter. It'll be different.
Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, and followed Sue's Curse in the last two years! There have been new and old faces recently and I hope you all stick around. Andi's and Peter's adventure ain't over yet!
To another year of madness!
Cheers!