"...really useful about it," Ash was saying, "is that Noctowl's illusions don't get broken if he's hit. That's different from a Zorua and Zoroark, for example, and it means that Noctowl can fake being another Pokémon for an entire battle if he's careful. He could even fake being two different ones if he goes back in his Pokéball for a break in the middle, but that's tricky because people might end up thinking you used more than the normal number of six Pokémon. Or however many it is in that battle."
Sophocles' hand went up.
"Are battles with less than six Pokémon normal, if you have six?" he asked.
"It depends, but they're common," Ash replied. "So in a gym battle sometimes they'll keep it to fewer Pokémon on both sides to make it a better test, and so that the gym leader's team doesn't get wiped out too fast if a few strong challengers come through. In Pokémon Leagues they save time by not having every single battle be six Pokémon a side, and it's just the final rounds that are like that – that sometimes makes the League less than half as long as it would be otherwise. And when people meet in the wild they don't usually battle down to the last Pokémon because otherwise one of them might have to rush straight back to the Pokémon Centre… or just not be able to do the next battle they get a chance for! So it varies."
There was a beeping sound, and Ash looked towards the side wall. "Huh?"
Half-a-dozen pictures had been hung up there, one for each student in the class and another for Ash, and the eyes were all flashing.
"Oh, no," Lillie sighed. "Mother went there."
"Ah!" Kukui realized. "This is the alert that the Ultra Guardians are needed! Everyone go and stand by their picture, and any Pokémon you have should go over… there, I think."
He pointed to a corner of the classroom.
Noctowl returned himself, and after a minute of shuffling around everyone was in their spots.
"Right," Kukui went on, checking a sheet of paper attached to the desk, then pressed a button. The sections of floor underneath the pictures all descended with a whirr, and music started playing.
"Really?" Lillie said, sounding like she was trying to decide whether to sigh or giggle.
Five minutes later, all six of the Ultra Guardians – and their Pokémon – were in snazzy new uniforms and deposited in an underground base.
"Wow!" Kiawe said. "This is amazing! Your mom did all this, Lillie?"
"Apparently she did," Lillie agreed.
"I know we're members of the Ultra Guardians now, but what are we supposed to do?" Lana asked, then a screen came on. "Oh!"
"Welcome to the Ultra Base, Ultra Guardians," Lusamine said from the screen. "And thank you all for agreeing to join the special team intended to find and solve Ultra Beast problems. It's helpful if you think of yourselves as an Ultra Beast Rescue Team as much as anything else."
"A rescue team," Ash repeated. "Right, I get it."
"Aren't you going to say international?" Lillie checked.
"Well, if any Ultra Beasts appear outside Alola, of course you'd have to be an International Rescue Team," Lusamine said firmly. "So I won't rule it out."
"You're enjoying this a lot, aren't you?"
"Immensely," Lusamine confirmed. "Ash, how many of your thunder birds do you have with you? All the Pokémon taking part in the Ultra Guardians are going to get badges that will let us keep track of them while on operations, and signal if they're in trouble, but those ones are getting special numbered ones for… no particular reason."
"I've got Noctowl," Ash volunteered. "And Zapdos, too, I was going to have Noctowl show how he can battle like Zapdos."
"Then please give Noctowl the five badge, and Zapdos the two badge," Lusamine requested. "Clefable will bring the badges in in a moment. As for Ultra Guardian operations in general, there's medical equipment for all of you and some Beast Balls for Ultra Beasts. Again, Clefable will bring them in."
"So, where are we going?" Mallow said. "Or, are we going somewhere? Is this just to make sure we know about the base?"
"There is an Ultra Beast incident going on," Lusamine confirmed. "And you'll be getting there by Ride Pokémon. Each one of you has already had one assigned, but we can change that around a bit if you want… Ash, that means there might be one spare, if you've got Zapdos with you."
"No, it's fine," Ash replied. "Pikachu can use that one! So, where is this Ultra Beast, and what is it?"
"We don't have any good pictures yet, but it appeared in Melemele Meadow," Lusamine told them. "It doesn't seem to be acting aggressively, but apparently it lifted up a car and… the report says posed with it."
"Let's get going!" Kiawe decided. "We'll go rescue that Ultra Beast, or people from the Ultra Beast, or possibly both!"
Downstairs, Clefable handed out their equipment and pointed each of the Ultra Guardians to their respective Ride Pokémon. Sophocles had a Metang, Mallow was paired with a Flygon, Lana got pointed at a Dragonair, Lillie (to Snowy's delight) had an Altaria, and Kiawe's Charizard waved hello.
"Huh, I guess that makes sense," Kiawe admitted, swinging astride his Fire-type. "So, Pikachu gets the Garchomp?"
"What about-" Garchomp began, then took a step back as Ash sent out Zapdos – already equipped with her 2 badge – and began fitting her harness. "Whoa, um, okay."
"Nice to meet you," Pikachu said, waving. "I've worked with a Gible before. Word of warning – if I'm about to use a really big Electric attack I'll jump off you, that's intentional."
"No, no, that's a common misconception, I'm immune to electricity," Garchomp said. "I know we can fly, unlike Gible, but we're still Ground and Dragon."
"Pikachu's right," Ash replied, as Zapdos tried not to snigger. "My Gible can fly, and Pikachu's electrocuted Ground types before. He even taught Zapdos and Raikou how to do it!"
"What is your team," Garchomp asked.
"Ultra, obviously," Zapdos replied. "That feels like it's on right, Ash."
Not far from Hau'Oli city, half-a-dozen Exeggutor stood to attention along the banks of a river.
A concealed light flashed, and the Exeggutor all bowed down away from the river. Then seven Ride Pokémon came bursting out of the nearby waterfall, one by one, led by a Zapdos and tailed by a severely baffled Garchomp.
"This is the best thing," Lusamine declared, watching the whole scene from her monitor on the Aether Paradise.
"Okay, we're nearly there," Ash said, checking Arc's screen just to be sure. "Hmm… Director Lusamine, are you getting this?"
"Well guessed, Ash," Lusamine replied. "Yes, I've got several camera feeds. We're just about to get a good picture of Melemele meadow now."
Zapdos banked around, leading the others as they rose over the treetops, and Ash pointed. "There!"
"Got it," Lusamine confirmed. "Designating this new Ultra Beast as UB-Expand."
"Why Expand?" Lana asked, as her Dragonair flew closer. "I understand why the Nihilego was Symbiote, but Expand?"
Zapdos flared her wings, touching down, and Ash patted her in thanks before getting off. "I guess maybe it's because it's got lots of muscles?"
That was an understatement. The Ultra Beast had four legs and a pair of wings, plus a proboscis, but that was almost an afterthought compared to a pair of massive arms and an enormous upper body, like a Machoke turned up far past normal.
"Buzz!" it announced, posing.
"Any ideas, Ibid?" Ash said.
Ibid changed into a miniature version of the Ultra Beast.
"It communicates through muscular poses," he said. "The meaning is unclear, however."
"Working on it," Arc stated.
Ash's Litten sent herself out.
"Hmm," she said.
"Buzz!" the Ultra Beast stated, striking another pose.
"Weird flex, but okay," she decided. "It's something about… being confused?"
"Okay, so… we're here now, and we're just looking at a Pokémon I've never seen before," Garchomp said. "Striking weird poses?"
"Yeah!" Ash agreed. "We're trying to work out how to communicate! Because that's always the first step if a Pokémon isn't being aggressive."
The Ultra Beast made struck a different pose, this time with one arm up and the other pointing at Charizard, and Litten made a worried noise.
"I think that was something about being hungry?" she said. "It's a really bizarre dialect."
"How exactly are you able to understand any of-" the Ride Metang began, but then the Ultra Beast sprang forwards with their proboscis extending.
"Pikachu!" Ash called, and Pikachu used Thunder. The result was a bang that knocked his opponent back, and Ash's two Electric-types exchanged glances.
Then Zapdos took off, wings snapping and crackling with electricity, and Pikachu blasted Zapdos to power her up. She sent a Thunder Curtain down, forming a complete circle of lightning bolts around the Ultra Beast as it got upright again.
"Updated," Arc said, and Ash checked their screen.
"Oh, right, they're a Buzzwole!" he said. "Thanks, Arc… and their language is a mixture of poses and words, right…"
He crouched down, so Litten could see. "Does this help?"
"I can't actually read," Litten replied.
"That is all right," Arc stated. "I will read out the descriptions for you."
Five minutes later, they were more-or-less ready, and Ash and Kiawe were ready to make contact.
"Okay, here we go!" Ash said. "And… flex!"
"This really doesn't feel like how first contact should go," Sophocles admitted, as the other two boys struck synchronized poses.
"Yeah, that's good," Litten said. "Now the next one!"
Buzzwole watched through the thunder curtain that Zapdos was still maintaining, then struck a pose of their own. "Zwole! Buzz!"
"That means, um… that sounds bad (sarcastic)," Litten interpreted. "Then that next one is, I'll be sure to wait (sincere)."
"Great!" Ash decided.
"Well done, Ultra Guardians," Lusamine said. "We'll come over to reopen the Ultra Wormhole Buzzwole used and send them home."
"I've got a better idea!" Ash replied, taking the Dream Ball off his belt, and sent Nebby out. "How are you feeling at the moment?"
Nebby floated in place, a considering look on their starfield, then evolved to Solgaleo.
"Ultra!" he said. "Let's get this Buzzwole home!"
"That went well," Lusamine decided. "It's a pity that it didn't involve us deploying any hyper-advanced equipment, but you can't have everything."
"That's true," Burnet agreed. "Director, I do want to point something out, though… Ash has a Flying-type that's also a Fire-type, that can fly incredibly fast."
"That is a good point," Lusamine said. "Do they know Flash Fire?"
"No, but I think it's close enough," Burnet shrugged. "Fireflash, Flash Fire… you can't have everything."
As the Ultra Guardians left, their mission successful, a purple Ultra Beast made a sort of curious buzzing noise.
"Poiiiii," it said, deeply impressed by the tiny Pokémon that had done all the bright shiny electrical things.
Then it realized it had no idea which way they'd actually gone.
"Poi!"
AN:
She might not be Jeff Tracey, but she's got most of the requirements.