Seventy-eight.

In a slight breach of protocol, Dr. Lindstrom greeted Olivia with a warm hug. It had been almost five months since the shooting on the pier, the near-tragedy which had led to the mandated, but necessary, therapy session. Olivia chose one of the armchairs, crossed her legs and smiled, trying her best to make sure the expression was genuine. There were only two people in the world who could tell when she was faking contentment. Ed was one. Lindstrom was the other.

Lindstrom began the session with an innocuous remark, "You look like you've been in the sun!"

"Miami Beach," Olivia replied, "Ed whisked me away for the long weekend."

"Good time to go," he replied, "Did you take the kids?"

"No. Just the two of us."

Lindstrom leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He detected a hint of shame in her answer. "That's healthy, Olivia. I'm glad you and Ed take opportunities to get away together. It gets easy to forget about your marriage when you're home and chasing around three young children. You're not letting that happen."

An introspective expression crossed Olivia's face. Her fingernails dug into the fabric of the armrest and her lips twitched before she replied. "We really disconnected, well, as much as parents of three young kids can disconnect. It was so nice, so perfect. I even," her hands started flying around in front of her face, "I even put the missing moms case out of my head," she smiled weakly, "But then I get back here and I want to rush to the precinct and be briefed and direct the investigation."

Lindstrom did not seem particularly surprised. "You miss it."

"Sometimes, yes."

"That's not unexpected, Olivia," he leaned even further toward her, "We've had this conversation before."

Olivia screwed up her face. "We have?"

"Different contexts, but same concept," Lindstrom replied, "For years there were two constants in your life-your job and you solely taking care of yourself. It took a long time for you to get used to Ed being present, for you to realize you didn't have to do everything on your own. And it's going to take some time for you to figure out how to operate in retirement."

"I'm keeping so busy…the show...the Center…"

"But it's not the same."

"No."

"And it never will be. But, remember-you'll never have to confront the guilt you felt when you missed one of the twins' milestones or when you were late or missed one of Noah's games or school activities. And I know that pressure weighed on you."

"It did."

"SVU has competent, dedicated people," Lindstrom continued, "They'll get the job done. But your children, your husband, your family...there's only one you in their lives. And isn't that what tilted the scale as you were debating when to walk away?"

Olivia blinked back tears and croaked, "Yes. Yes it was."

….

"DAAAAHHHH!"

"Dadadadada!"

There were very few moments more precious than returning home to the kids' thunderous, jubilant welcome. Maggie and Wyatt ran to the foyer as soon as they heard the door open and greeted their Daddy with smiles, jumps, and shrieked words, some discernible and some not. The two-year-olds were not dressed alike very often, but on this particular day they both wore baby blue waffle tops and blue jeans. Maggie's brown hair fell across her face and chin; Wyatt's locks had been recently cut, and he looked older and more dignified than his twenty-nine months.

Ed scooped them both into his arms. "Hiya kiddos!"

Maggie launched into a partially-babbled, animated explanation of what was happening in the Tucker home. Ed pursed his lips and listened intently and chuckled when Wyatt attempted to get a word in. This was not the first conversation Maggie had dominated in her young life and it would certainly not be the last.

In the kitchen Olivia finished preparing a plate of cheese, crackers, and fruit and she stepped back to admire her work. Ed rounded the corner with the twins still in his arms and grinned at the platter. "Looks good."

"Thank you."

"Where're Noah and Mia?"

Olivia glanced in the direction of Noah's room. "Back there," she said, a hint of agony in her voice.

Ed raised his eyebrows and smirked, Oh yeah?"

"They're looking at Halloween costumes on the computer. I told him they could bring the laptop out here, but you know how he doesn't like it away from his desk."

"Computer's spot is on the desk," Ed repeated Noah's familiar phrase and mimicked his son's characteristic shrug-the body language he used when stating an immutable truth or fact.

"I've been checking on them every five minutes."

Ed put the twins on the floor and they trotted back to their toys. Hands free, he rounded the island and collected his wife into his arms. It would have been easy to tease her or to brush off Olivia's overprotectiveness, but neither option crossed Ed's mind. "I'll take the rest of the shifts," he said.

Olivia smiled and kissed him. "Want to take them the snacks?"

"Food in the bedroom?"

"They're having such a good time...they want to find matching costumes. The last I heard they found two pieces of an Oreo."

Ed's expression betrayed his feelings about the idea. "Hopefully they pick somethin' a little more interesting." He winked at Olivia and took the tray and some napkins to Noah's room.

The first graders were huddled at the laptop. Noah controlled the wireless mouse, but he let Mia use his comfortable child-sized office chair and he was perched on the chair that matched the bathroom vanity in the master bathroom. It was typically used more as a receptacle for rewearable t-shirts and shorts rather than a place to actually sit. Noah and Mia were so engrossed in their search that Ed's voice startled them. Noah flinched. Mia let out a little yelp. But they both laughed an instant later and eagerly helped themselves to the food.

"You back from helpin' Gramma?" Noah asked with his mouth full of strawberries and white cheddar.

"You saw GRAMMA?" Mia frowned and put a hand on her hip. She jerked her head to the side and her jet black ponytail swung from side to side.

"I did," Ed replied apologetically. He was a little intimidated by Mia's accusatory question.

Mia squinted at Ed, "Whadja do there?"

"Cleaned out the garage a little bit," Ed replied, "Put the smoker away, put the storm windows on the front porch. Just gettin' ready for winter. Maybe you can come with me and Noah next weekend when we go there to get the rest done."

"She gonna make the Irish bread and cookies?" Mia asked.

"Gramma always makes dat stuff!" Noah said then added knowingly, "She prolly gonna make Sunday roast. Dat's what she always make on da weekends."

"What's Sunday roast?"

Noah held his hands about a foot apart, "It's in a pan like dis and it's meat with potatoes and carrots. I don't like carrots but I eat Grammas 'cause they're pretty good. Da meat's like steak kinda."

"I like steak," Mia said. She patted her belly. "Yuuuu-um!"

A semi-awkward silence invaded the room while Noah and Mia chewed. Ed peered at the computer screen and asked how the costume search was going. There was no sign of the Oreo costumes; the screen was filled with vampires, witches, and more traditional, scary Halloween wear.

"Might be a witch and a warlock," Noah said and added for clarification, "That's a boy witch."

Ed politely nodded.

"We wanna be somethin' really spooooky!" Mia said gleefully. "So we're gonna need lotsa red makeup for blood! I was a witch b'fore, but I can be a baaaad witch this year!"

"We'll getcha whatever you need," Ed replied. He placed the platter on Noah's dresser. "We'll be out in the living room bud. Let us know if you need anything."

"Kay, Daddy!"

….

Two thick steaks and a bottle of red wine separated Ed and Olivia. The restaurant had been a New York institution for over fifty years and its dark, sultry interior and the jazz standards playing at low volume from wall speakers made Olivia feel like they'd been transported to an earlier era. Having chosen the spot without her input, Ed swelled with pride at Olivia's verbal and non-verbal approbations. A pleasant smile had been plastered on her face from the moment they stepped through the heavy mahogany doors.

"So, how have you spent your week off?" Olivia asked as she made the first cut into the meat. It had a buttery, crispy crust and was perfectly cooked. "Mmmm," she said before Ed could answer, "This is...fantastic."

"Glad you like it," Ed replied after swallowing his first bite, "Wasn't sure if a steakhouse would be up your alley."

"I would not have chosen it without some prodding," Olivia admitted, "But I love it. Excellent job, Lieutenant."

Ed smirked, still proud that he'd nudged Olivia toward taking the exam and earning the promotion. "Thank you...Lieutenant."

Olivia returned his cocky expression and they locked eyes for a few seconds before continuing the meal. "Are you avoiding telling me how you've spent your vacation?"

"Nah," Ed replied, "Not all that interesting. Binge watched Baker's Dozen on the plane."

Olivia blinked. She couldn't decide if his use of "binge watched" or the admission he'd seen the reality show was more shocking. "Oh really…" Her smile grew as she waited for more details.

"I was intrigued," Ed replied nonchalantly, "And I had to confirm these people are as weird as I thought they were. I think everyone at IAB was gossiping about it." Ed clenched his teeth as he realized the lighthearted water cooler talk was actually born of a criminal act.

Olivia, however, simply shook her head in disbelief and agreed, "There were a lot of weird things about that case," she said.

"The thing that bothered me most was the blind loyalty," Ed took a sip of wine and continued, "That's the problem with religion. These 'men of God' can get away with murder because nobody ever thinks to question them or their actions or motives. They can fly under the radar...or the collar or the cross or whatever and prey on people-" he stopped abruptly and apologized, "Sorry...I'm rambling."

Olivia had never heard Ed vent in that way before and she wanted to hear more. "No you're not," she said, "Well, you are, but...you're right."

"My question is...when will people wake up? The church is no longer worthy of blind trust. How many priests have to be implicated in sex abuse scandals for everyone to decide they've had enough?"

"You mean the masses turning away from organized religion?"

"Not necessarily. I mean...refusing to give the clergy carte blanche with...everything. When I was growin' up, our priest, he was a good guy, at least I think he was, but my mother? She wouldnta ever questioned him. And she's a force to be reckoned with."

"If you're anything like her, I imagine that's true." Olivia's eyes sparkled. Tucker's rant was endearing and served to further affirm the fact that he was, despite everything in the past, a good man. His cheeks reddened, and shy, embarrassed Tucker warmed her heart even more.

"You'll have to meet her one of these days," he said. "I know she wants to meet you and Noah."

Olivia's breath caught in her throat, "You've...mentioned us?"

"Yeah." Ed quickly took another bite, prolonging further explanation if only for a few seconds. "Last weekend, at the apple orchard, it was such a good day-"

"-until I got called away."

"...Well, yeah, but that's what happens. I'm glad we got that chance, even if it was cut short. I had dinner at my Ma's house the next day. And," Ed paused, searching for the right words, "I guess I wanted to see how it felt to tell someone about the two of you."

"And?" Olivia raised her eyebrows, "How did it feel?"

"It made me want to plan another Saturday getaway." Ed was nervous and the answer came out partially mumbled. "No pressure, I, uh-"

"Hey," Olivia put down her fork, reached over, and squeezed his hand. "I feel the same way."

Relieved, Ed grinned. He held up his glass and offered a soft-spoken, sincere toast, "To more Saturdays."

Olivia touched her glass to his. "Absolutely," she said, "To more Saturdays."

…..

As she often did when she was in a pensive mood, Olivia paged through one of their dozens of digital photo albums. She chose the one labeled with the twins' birth year and "Beach" and, as she viewed the images, her lips curled into a blissful smile. Always one to easily shed a tear or two, she preemptively held a tissue in one hand, but she didn't need it until she came to a photo she couldn't recall having seen before. She assumed it must have been taken by Sonny and, in merging her photos with his, been overlooked.

The image was snapped at sundown after what must have been a long, hot day on the beach. The back porch was littered with brightly colored pails and shovels, a beach ball, assorted sand-encrusted flip-flops, and towels draped over the railing. Ed was lying on a chaise clad in his well-worn khaki cargo shorts and no shirt. The twins, wearing only diapers, were asleep on his chest. Their hands were curled in fists above their heads and Ed rested a hand on either of their backs. Maggie and Wyatt were tiny, three months old, and perfectly safe and content in their Daddy's arms. Their faces epitomized peace and all that was right with the world. Ed, too, had his eyes closed, but Olivia could tell, even now, that he wasn't totally out. He had often "napped" with the twins in this manner, but rarely did he actually fall into a deep sleep. Too much could happen, especially with the squirmy Maggie who, even in infancy, was capable, in a matter of seconds, of waking up and deciding she wanted to get down and try to crawl.

Olivia stared at the picture for several minutes. It overwhelmed her. There was so much to love and appreciate-their coastal home that wasn't yet actually theirs, Ed's strong, protective hands cradling their twins, the twins themselves-two little miracles who were practically willed into existence after Ed had spontaneously confessed he wanted a baby, and the magnificent mess of the porch.

"Reminiscing?" For the second time that night Ed's presence startled someone. He smirked at Olivia and then the photograph. "That's a great shot," he remarked softly.

"I can't believe I've never seen it before. Carisi must have taken it...but it's so good. He should've shown it to us."

"Needs a frame."

"I'm going to send it to be printed," Olivia navigated to the app she used for printing images, but Ed stopped her.

"Can it wait?" He asked innocently.

"Of course." Olivia set the iPad on the nightstand and reached for Ed's hand. "You okay?"

Ed sat down on the edge of the bed and kissed her on the lips. "Been kinda crazy since we got back," he said.

Olivia rubbed his arm up and down from bicep to wrist. "A little different from Florida."

Ed laughed sheepishly. "Yeah." He twirled a section of Olivia's hair around an index finger. "How you doin? With this case?"

"It's not my case, Ed."

"It's gotta still be there," Ed kissed her forehead, "Especially now that they're basically admittin' they've been dealin' with one dead end after another."

"I doubt my presence would change that."

There was an iciness in her voice and Ed furrowed his brow. "Where'd that come from?"

"What?"

"Nothin," Ed replied, eager to change the subject, "Shouldn'ta brought it up."

"Ed, it's everywhere. The whole city's on alert."

"But very few people in the city are Lieutenant Olivia Benson."

"She's retired," Olivia said, "And yes...she's been resisting the urge to call her son-in-law and have him fill her in. And yes. A part of her wishes she was there, leading the investigation. But that would mean," she grinned, "Can I switch back to first person now?"

"Please do."

"That would mean I wouldn't be here. With you. And I wouldn't have been there today when Mia hugged Noah goodbye and he looked so...unsure of what to do…"

"She's a bear hugger."

"No kidding." Olivia bit her lip and studied the contours of Ed's face. "And this year I don't have to worry about finding someone to cover for me for trick-or-treating."

"We do have three active candy seekers this year."

"Ed." Suddenly, anguish poured from Olivia's voice and face, "I'm always asking you, expecting you to be patient. You were patient when we first started seeing each other. Patient after things got serious, the whole way, until we got married. And now I'm asking you to be patient again, and it seems so unfair."

"Listen to me," Ed said in a voice as close to his IAB tone as he ever came these days, "I love you, Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker. I made a choice five years ago that I wanted to be with you and I knew being with you meant being with you through some times that weren't perfect. But we just had a perfect weekend. It's gonna be an adjustment not bein' on the job. We both knew that. But last weekend proved we can still find that perfect, Liv. And we didn't have to look too hard. We never have to look too hard."

Tears welled in Olivia's eyes. "I feel like I'm constantly looking for silver linings in this whole world of retirement."

"Pretty soon you'll consider those silver linings as your life," Ed replied. "And then we'll be talkin' about how we shouldn't take any of this for granted."

"I don't think we'll ever take any of this for granted."

"Yeah," he placed another gently kiss on her lips, "You're right."

….

There were very few times Margaret Caroline Tucker got out of bed before her brothers. Since toddlerhood, she hated bedtime, but, once asleep, Maggie had a hard time dragging herself out of bed.

With one exception.

The beach.

After their mini-vacation in Chicago, the Tucker family flew home, loaded the car, and drove to Delaware the next day. They arrived in the late afternoon and had dinner at one of their favorite seaside restaurants. Everyone was tired, so, instead of playing cards or a board game, Noah and the twins selected a movie. The film wasn't half over before the three of them fell asleep. The early night meant Ed didn't have time to go to the market, so the next morning he was thrilled to find coffee and sugar in the pantry. While it brewed he stared out at the ocean through the kitchen window. The sky was blue, seagulls swooped along the shoreline, and a few morning joggers trotted by. When Ed heard footsteps, he assumed it was Olivia.

"Hello, Daddy!" Maggie gave him a quick hug. "We gonna go get the jet ski?"

"Good morning, sweetheart," Ed turned around and kissed the top of her head, "And yes, we will."

"When?"

He checked the clock. "Ten."

"Ten?" Maggie crinkled her nose. She was excited to get to "drive" and three hours seemed like an interminable wait.

"Yes."

Maggie groaned but didn't argue. She reached into the cabinet where the glasses were stored, grabbed a mug for herself and one for Ed, and poured two cups of steaming hot coffee. Ed smirked at her when he noticed. "Whaddya doin?"

"Having coffee."

Ed took one mug and slid it in front of where he was standing, claiming it as his own. He picked up the other and said, "How bout we take this one to Mom instead?"

Maggie scrunched up her entire face. "There's nothin' to drink!"

"Water?"

"Yuck."

Feeling bad that he didn't have a better offer for his daughter, Ed offered a new plan. "Take this up to Mom. Then we'll go shopping and get you somethin' on the way."

Maggie grinned, "Kay! Be right back!"

"Go slow," Ed warned. Maggie was already at the foot of the stairs. She had only filled the mug halfway, but Ed was sure he'd find coffee streaks on the stairs later on.

Upstairs, Maggie tiptoed to her parents' bedroom door and slowly pushed it open. The floorboards creaked in a few spots, one of the home's quirks neither Ed nor Olivia wanted to repair. Maggie crept to Olivia's side and set the mug on the nightstand next to an almost-empty glass of water. She stretched across the bed and kissed her mother's cheek.

Olivia opened her eyes, "Hey sweet girl."

"Got you some coffee, Mama."

"Thank you, honey."

Maggie swung her legs onto the bed and curled up against her mother. "Daddy's gonna take me shopping. Cause we only have coffee! Nothin' to drink or eat!" Maggie laid her head on Olivia's pillow so their noses were almost touching. "Want me to getcha some blue chips and the salsa with cherries?"

Olivia gazed into Maggie's lively blue eyes. "That would be great, sweetie. Thank you."

"We'll get some other stuff, too!" As quickly as she'd hopped into the bed, Maggie sat up. "I gotta change my clothes," she looked down at her black-and-white pajama set. On the shirt were the words Let Me Sleep. Maggie giggled. "Can't go to da store in my PJs!"

Olivia grinned and agreed. "Probably best if you change. Do you need help?"

"I can do it," Maggie replied. She bounced off the bed and easily landed on her feet. "You drink coffee."

"Yes ma'am." Olivia sat up and took her first sip while Maggie left the room. She sprinted at first, then, acknowledging the creaky floors may disturb her brothers, stopped on a dime and switched to a tiptoed gait. The smile didn't leave Olivia's face and she whispered, "Sweet girl…"

…..

#Tuckson