106.

Efforts to stay awake until Ed returned home failed, and Olivia woke up to the sounds of the twins' familiar early morning soft babbles. She smiled at the screen and watched as Maggie tossed stuffed animals across the room to Wyatt who carefully lined them up against the wall. Next to Olivia, Ed was dead to the world. She scrolled through their text messages, trying to determine what time he'd come home, surprised neither the alarm system's beep nor the sense of his presence had awoken her. It was only when she loaded a few more items into the dishwasher that she realized she'd consumed more alcohol than usual the night before. In addition to the drinks at the pub, she polished off the bottle of wine they'd opened before eating dinner.

After dropping Noah off at school, Olivia took the twins on a few errands and, like Ed, gave in to Wyatt's demand for a Starbucks stop. At the cafe, Olivia plotted out the rest of the week. The situation with Kamara absconding from safety deflated her Benson Center-related motivation, so she decided she'd go in for a brief time later that afternoon and clear her desk for the rest of the year. The Center would operate with a skeleton staff until January, and navigating the web of victims' services would fall to the individual precincts and the women, children, and men themselves. Olivia had a feeling she would have a pile of client folders waiting for her in a couple of weeks.

There were a few emails from the show's lead producer, including a filming schedule for the next couple of months. Wyatt was needed only sparingly, but Olivia's presence was requested more often than she was comfortable committing. She decided to wait to reply until she talked everything over with Ed and had a chance to cross reference with Noah's school calendar. There were always a few other solicitations in her inbox-invitations to speak at various conferences and university courses and appeals for her to use her expertise and weigh in on cases that ranged geographically from Manhattan all the way to New Mexico. She was almost finished clearing the inbox when a text message from Ed popped onto the screen.

Gonna be much longer?

Olivia grinned. She pictured Ed wandering around the apartment wondering what to do with himself with everyone gone. She replied that they were on their way and asked if she could bring him anything. However, his response was different than what she'd expected.

Going back to my mom's to meet with the electrician. Are you good with the kids for a couple hours?

She knew better than to attach perceived tones to typed messages, but Olivia couldn't help hearing a flat, businesslike edge to the words. The inferred uncertainty about childcare also stung.

Of course I'm good, she replied, see you when you get back. Olivia resolutely slapped her thighs and stood up, "Okay, sweet twins," she said, grabbing for their hats and mittens, "it's just the three of us today. Let's go do something fun!"

The twins cooed and babbled at her with grins on their faces and hot chocolate rings around their mouths. Olivia dressed them back in their warm clothes and wondered if the two-year-olds could pick up on the manufactured cheer in her voice.

…

By the time the school's holiday program concluded, Maggie and Wyatt were cranky and ready for a late afternoon nap and Ed was visibly frustrated with his wife. Not only had Olivia brought her work phone, but she frequently checked it whenever Noah wasn't on stage. At one point he leaned over and asked in a hushed voice if she needed to step out. Olivia shot him an incredulous glare in response, but she did put the phone in her pocket, albeit on vibrate so she would be alerted if anyone called or texted with news about Kamara.

They were joined by Caroline and Sarah, and as much as they all enjoyed these annual performances, the four of them agreed the show was at least thirty minutes too long.

"I'm starving," Sarah griped, "Are you all joining Noey and me for a late lunch?"

Ed and Olivia wrestled with the squirmy twins and declined. "We need to get these two home," Olivia said.

"And I have wrapping and cooking to do," Caroline said, "Now that my oven works!"

"Well thank God you didn't burn up," Sarah said.

"Ma, I'll drop Olivia and the twins off and then take you back home," Ed chimed in.

"Allrighty." Caroline broke into a wide grin, "There's my boy! Noah! Great job! You sang all my favorite songs!"

Noah momentarily disappeared into Caroline's bear hug, "Which one ya like da best?" He asked when they separated.

"Probably Up on the House Top. That's my favorite."

"Dat's mine too!" Noah exclaimed. "Cause I play da clickers."

"You did a terrific job, young man."

From there, Noah gave his backpack to his parents to take home and he and Sarah walked to the Tucker's SUV before setting off on their own. Sarah raised her eyebrows at the interaction or lack thereof between Ed and Olivia. The two of them never missed a chance to rub elbows or bump into each other or even exchange quick, romantically-loaded smirks, but, this afternoon, they were all business as they strapped the twins in their carseats, said goodbye to Noah, and took their places in the vehicle. Olivia sat in the back between Maggie and Wyatt, Noah's usual spot, and, as they drove away, Sarah noticed they both wore the same steely expression.

"So, Noey," Sarah said, taking his mittened hand and wondering if she could get any insight into the apparent marital strain via Noah, "What's been going on?"

Noah shrugged, "Gettin' ready for Santa!"

Sarah nodded and a tiny sense of relief washed over her. Perhaps they were simply exhausted from holiday preparations. There had been only a three week window between Thanksgiving and Christmas and maybe her Dad and Olivia had waited until the last minute to check off items on their to-do lists.

"What's been goin' on with you?" Noah asked in an adorably polite voice.

"Oh, the same," Sarah replied, "I have to get a few more presents for Justin's mom and for Pearl."

"Does Santa bring dog presents?"

"Hmmm, I don't think so," Sarah said, "At least, we haven't given him a list for Pearl."

"Then ya gotta get her a bunch of new toys!" Noah said. "Hey! Do we haveta go let her out?"

"No," Sarah said, "Justin was home for lunch and took her for a little walk. She'll be fine until we get back. And, if we're late, I'll text G."

"OH!" Noah's eyes widened and his skipping gait slowed, "I gotta get a present for G!"

"We can do that," Sarah replied, "Where shall we begin?"

Noah twisted his lips and blinked at a blast of cold wind before grinning and shouting his answer. "Soho!"

"Soho it is! Onward!"

…

Elated and relieved to be back in one another's arms, Ed and Olivia refused to surrender more than an inch or two of space between their bodies. They kissed and grinned and whispered to each other under the covers of Olivia's bed which they'd shared for seven consecutive nights after their reunion. They were both busy at work, Noah, of course, needed his mother's attention-essentially, nothing about their lives had changed, but during a long, at times tearful, conversation, one incontrovertible truth emerged. There was too much love among the three of them. Throwing it all away would be foolish and tragic.

"It's possible," Olivia murmured at one point.

Unsure what she was referencing, Ed's face broke into an inquisitive smirk. "What's possible?"

"We can have everything," she answered in a raspy voice.

"We sure can," Ed clutched a section of her hair and kissed her passionately, opening his mouth wide and nearly consuming the lower half of her face.

"You always knew we could…"

"Don't do that," Ed said softly, "There's no one to blame here. We agreed on that, Liv. We can't move forward if we're still beatin' ourselves up. And, right now, we should be very, very, very far away from doin' that." He'd punctuated each "very" with a kiss.

"I think I'm always going to have a little sliver of guilt with me."

"Me too," Ed replied softly, "But, the whole thing boils down to...are our lives better with each other in it our outta it?" His blue eyes blazed with passion and sincerity as they bored into hers, "We're better together."

Olivia practically dove on top of him. She closed her eyes and savored the feel of his hands on her back as they enjoyed a slow, sensuous kiss. Then, realizing she hadn't responded, she abruptly lifted her head and let her hair fall onto his face. Even though she spoke in a whisper, Ed couldn't remember her sounding more confident as she smirked and said, "Yeah we are."

…..

"Sare Bear," Noah said as he and Sarah stepped into her building's elevator, "We gotta give G her present!" Noah lifted one of the shopping bags he was carrying. It contained a Himalyan salt lamp he spotted while window shopping. Once they were in the boutique, the astute clerk spoke of the powerful effects of the crystals and showed Noah the various dimming effects of its bulb. "I think G would like dis," he said confidently, "S'relaxing." When Sarah asked him how he knew G needed to relax, Noah replied matter-of-factly, "When I see her at school, G's really busy! And she walks super fast! Like dis!" Noah paced the narrow aisle using long strides and powerfully swinging his arms.

Sarah was chagrined to admit she'd forgotten all about her neighbor's high stress job spearheading fundraisers, auctions, and similar revenue-generating functions for independent schools and other entities who lacked their own in-house event staff. Now that Justin was back in the city and working mostly from home, she didn't see G as often as she did when he was gone and Sarah both needed her help and also popped in from time to time for a drink. Even then, their conversations mostly involved gossipy girl talk rather than work-related topics.

Sarah agreed that they should give G the gift right away, but she pressed her floor's button. "We have to wrap it," she explained, "But, when we get inside, Noey, you have to stay in the living room. You cannot go anywhere else."

Noah understood this meant the other rooms were filled with presents. He grinned, "Not even da bathroom?"

Laughing, Sarah replied, "You have to cover your eyes and I'll walk you there."

"What 'bout the kitchen?"

"Kitchen, hmmm," Sarah bit her lip, "I suppose the kitchen's okay."

An hour later, the duo knocked on G's door. Noah, holding the gift wrapped in shiny green and red paper, bounced from foot to foot. "Is she home?"

"I hear music," Sarah said. She knocked again, harder this time, and nodded when the sound of footsteps grew nearer and nearer.

"Merry Christmas!" Noah said when G opened the door. He held up the box, "Dis is for you, G! S'from me and Sare Bear!"

"Oh, wow…" G wiped her hands on her jeans and invited them in, "Sorry it took me so long to answer the door. My sister's here and we're making a gingerbread house."

Noah crinkled his nose, curious about the house and G's sister. He skipped inside, easily navigating the apartment's layout since it was exactly the same as Sarah's. He turned into the kitchen and, before Sarah and G caught up, they heard him introduce himself and the screech of the bar stool's legs as he climbed up for a better view of the construction. As they finished the house, G and her sister, who was visiting from college before the two of them left for their parents' home, narrated their technique for Noah, and by the time he left, Sarah had promised to pick up supplies so he could make one at home with Maggie and Wyatt.

"Hey!" Noah said before they said their final goodbyes, "You didn't open da present!"

"Oh, should I open it now?" G asked.

"Yes!"

G carefully tore off the wrapping paper and examined the box, "Oh, wow," she said, "This looks like such a nice lamp!" She read the box aloud, "Air purifying, calming crystals create a spa-like ambience. Noah, thank you. This is exactly what I need!"

"You're welcome," he opened his arms for a hug, "Mer'Christmas, G."

"Merry Christmas to you. I hope Santa brings you everything you want. I'm sure you've been a good boy all year."

"Yep!" Noah said boastfully, "No timeouts at school."

"What about at home?" Sarah asked mischievously.

"Sare Bear," Noah said, "Never timeouts at home!"

She mussed his hair and shot G and her sister a knowing smile, "Either you're the best behaved boy in the country or the luckiest. I can't decide."

…

Throughout their childhoods and teenage years, Olivia and Ed made sure to carve out alone time with each of their children. With only two weeks together before the trio made their way back to college and, in Noah's case, his internship in Washington, D.C., they had a narrow window in which to divide and conquer. With Maggie out with friends for the afternoon, Ed and Wyatt went out to purchase last minute gifts and Noah and Olivia did the same. If forced to choose her preferred shopping buddy, Olivia had to pick Noah. Maggie and Wyatt both liked to browse. They wandered in and out of shops-Maggie voicing out loud her thoughts on merchandise and Wyatt pensive and indecisive. Noah always had an idea of which gifts to buy for each person and efficiently planned shopping routes within specific neighborhoods. This year he'd purchased most items online, so he only needed to make a few specific stops. Afterwards, he and Olivia parked themselves at the longstanding Broome Street Bar and ordered drinks and an appetizer to share.

Noah offered a toast when the full glasses arrived, "Cheers," he said, "To Christmas all together again."

"Cheers," Olivia had not stopped smiling since the final third of her trio arrived at home two days ago. She took a sip and wondered if it would ever not seem a little odd to watch her son drink alcohol. It had been just over a year since Noah turned twenty-one, and she still wasn't used to him nonchalantly grabbing a beer at home or ordering one at a restaurant.

"It's so good to have you home, honey," Olivia said.

"It's good to be home," Noah replied. "I thought I'd be able to come back more often, but that obviously didn't happen. We get so caught up…"

"There's no reason to feel bad," Olivia said, "I get it. But you get caught up and like it, right? That's the only thing I worry about. You are such a hard worker...so diligent…"

"I like it a lot, Mom," Noah assured her. "I don't know if I want a career as a political candidate, but the research side of it? The polling? The studies? I really like that."

"Good. That makes me so happy." Olivia and Noah regularly communicated and he often spent an hour or more on Sunday afternoons on the phone, relaying the week's progress on various proposed legislation he was working on with other interns and regular staffers. Noah wasn't yet sure what exact line of work he wanted to pursue after finishing graduate school, but he was collecting an impressive portfolio of experience in public service.

Noah picked at the coaster, "Has it been okay with all of us gone?" He peered across the table at his mother, trying to gauge her true emotions. As he sized her up, he also looked for signs of aging. Most of his friends' parents were in their fifties, but his were approaching seventy. The number sounded so old and the thought of losing his parents was agonizing. However, aside from a few stray wrinkles, his mother could have easily passed for being much younger and his Dad, despite the gray hair, never seemed to look much different, even when Noah compared him to photographs from years before.

"Most of the time," Olivia said, doing her best to be honest yet not let on that having an empty nest had been excruciatingly difficult for her and Ed. "We miss you, but we're happy you're all happy. And you do a good job of staying in touch."

Noah grinned, "At least you didn't have to scramble to hide all the presents before they were wrapped?"

"Now that's a very good point. It was nice to come home and leave the bags or unpackage the boxes and leave everything out."

"Sounds like you may have overdone it?"

"I think we may have," Olivia admitted, "But that's okay."

"Are you ready to get a bunch of California-themed stuff from Maggie?" Noah asked with a glint in his eye that told Olivia her kids had been sharing the details of their Christmas presents with one another and it warmed her heart.

"Should I be?"

"Absolutely." Noah giggled to himself, "She was threatening to get Wyatt a Lakers hat. He was getting so mad, like, we were on Face Time and he was red and said, 'why would you even waste your money?' and Maggs and I were cracking up."

"You evil children," Olivia joked, "Stressing out your brother."

"You could totally see him torn between betraying the Knicks but wearing the hat because Maggie bought it and not wearing it and throwing away Maggie's cash."

"I hope she was smart enough to avoid California sports team gear," Olivia said.

"I think she was," Noah said.

"Your Dad could sure use another t-shirt though," Olivia said, "He rotates all three of your schools. I can practically see through the Stanford one."

"I bet he'll have a replenished supply in no time," Noah said with a wink. He was close to finishing his beer, "Are we leaving?" He asked.

"We have time for one more," Olivia said, "Let's not forget to shop for dinner on our way home."

"Tacos?"

"Tacos," Olivia confirmed, "And then a Tucker game night rematch."

Noah grinned, "Dad has a big fat head after last night."

"He sure does," Olivia said, "So it's time to take him down a few notches."

Noah laughed and shook his head. He had always known his parents to be loving, kind, and attentive to one another and to their children, but when it came to competition, it was everyone for themselves. "I love you mom," he said.

"I love you, too, honey. But I'm still in it to win it at the game table tonight."

Noah nodded. None of his family members would have it any other way.

…..

Ed had not yet returned from Riverdale when Sarah dropped Noah off at home. She ran around with the twins while Olivia helped Noah stow the items they'd bought and got him in the shower, which was something new to his nightly routine.

"Omigod, omigod, no more baths?" Sarah asked.

"Oh, he still takes baths, but usually in our tub with the jets," Olivia replied, "Quicker and closer to us this way. Santa may have got him a iPod-like thing he can use to play music in the shower."

"Oooo, so cool! I wouldn't mind one of those myself." Sarah unwound her chunky eggplant scarf and tossed it aside. She picked miniscule pieces of lint from her sweater and gathered the nerve to ask Olivia about the tension she'd witnessed earlier. She mustered her signature I'm going to so cross the line expression, and said, "So, do you miss Pearl?"

Olivia recalled the conversation they'd had at the bar and blushed, "Oh yes," she lied, "of course."

"Noey made me buy a shitload of toys for her today," Sarah said, "So that's more for me to wrap. Gawd, I don't know how you and Daddy do it. Three kids...Christmas...holiday programs…"

"And we haven't even been to see the tree," Olivia lamented of the Rockefeller Center mainstay.

Sarah furrowed her brow, "I thought Daddy said you went there."

"Nope."

"I swear," Sarah yanked her phone from her purse. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she felt her cheeks get hot as she realized she may have unintentionally driven the wedge further between the two of them. But there was no walking it back. Sure enough, she had remembered correctly. "Yeah, I, um, I was in the neighborhood and going to stop by but he was there with Maggie and Wyatt."

"He must have forgotten to mention it."

"Livvie," Sarah stared across the island, her eyes wide and imploring, "Is everything okay with you and Daddy?"

"We're fine," Olivia said.

"You don't seem fine."

"We've just been busy," Olivia said before catching her mistake, "And we can't seem to find any time...if it's not the kids, it's me going to the Center or Caroline's house about to blow...sorry, that's, I don't want to sound horrible. We're just...a little disconnected right now."

"That happens…" Sarah said weakly and ruefully, knowing it was a pathetic attempt to make Olivia feel better.

"It hasn't happened since we moved in together," Olivia said, "Only that one time-"

"-When you broke up?" Sarah winced at the words. She remembered how hurt her father had been in the aftermath, not to mention how the news had slammed her and Brooke like a freight train.

"That's the only time I can remember things being remotely close to what they are now," Olivia admitted. Never one to easily shed tears, Sarah looked like she was about to burst into sobs and Olivia found herself becoming the consoler rather than the consolee. "But it'll be okay. We're nowhere near that. We never will be."

Sarah forced a smile, "Good. You're goals," she said, repeating the phrase she had so often used, particularly with Noah.

Olivia smiled. "And we'll continue to be goals."

Hearing Olivia use lingo outside of the norm for her age range made Sarah break into genuine laughter. Then, suddenly, she remembered a plan she'd been meaning to bring up and slapped the granite. "Why don't you guys come to Florida with us?"

"When?"

"The day after Christmas. Justin and I decided last night and bought tickets. I bought that condo and haven't been back since. Three bedrooms? Maybe Grandma will come? It would be so fun!"

It did sound fun, and it also seemed like a perfect opportunity for Olivia and Ed to get back on track. Outside, the cloudy afternoon had turned into a gray, dreary evening. More snow was on the way. A white Christmas was assured, but Florida sunshine and the white sand of the Gulf's beaches would be a welcome change after the holiday.

"I think we should do it," Olivia said, "I don't see why your Dad would say no...and we could be there for our anniversary…"

"We'll babysit. You can go someplace romantic on the beach!"

Olivia was ready to purchase airline seats at that moment, but she settled instead for checking prices until Ed got home. At such short notice, the fares were a little pricey, and they were trying hard to make sure they weren't overspending. However, she continued to collect royalty checks from the book and consulting fees from the show. The extra income was more than enough to cover the five tickets, and besides, other than kid-centric outings, they hadn't treated themselves to much during the year.

"This is a great idea," Olivia said, beaming, "Thanks, Sare."

Sarah grinned triumphantly. "Anytime."

…..

#Tuckson