121.

Olivia didn't have time to ask Ed about Rachel Wilson because, by the time she and Noah arrived home with dinner, Rachel was no longer alive. News alerts popped up on smartphones and television broadcasts were interrupted. Multiple officers were on scene at Columbus Circle where a woman, who had been seen in a rage filming a sobbing rant, abruptly pulled out a small handgun and shot herself through the heart. Ed and Olivia fell into the familiar routine of pretending everything was okay while the kids were awake, but as soon as they were sure all three were sleeping, they huddled at the island, talking in hushed voices.

"You knew her," Olivia said.

Ed winced at the sting of bourbon. "I did?"

"Rachel Wilson-"

"-they haven't released a name yet."

"But we saw it on the cell footage that was leaked," Olivia said, "I recognized it because...because she was at the Center earlier today. I saw her before I left." The wheels were turning in Ed's mind, but not fast enough for Olivia's liking. "I remembered her from the Academy, she was at Vice for a long time. Rachel. Wilson."

"Liv, I honestly don't remember the name. Did she go by somethin' differ-oh…"

The horror in Ed's expression scared Olivia. Was he hiding something? Had he been keeping a sinister secret all these years? He motioned for Olivia to hand him the phone and zoomed in on the image attached to one of the dozens of articles popping up online. "You're right," he said in a clipped tone, "Rachel Wilson. Yeah. She accused an old partner of mine-"

"-Cole?" Olivia asked. It was a knee jerk reaction. Tucker, like most cops, had had many partners during the span of his career.

If Ed thought her response foolish, he didn't show it. "Nah, Gary Wald, was my partner at the two-two then he moved on to Vice right around when I went to IAB. He, ah," Uncomfortable, Ed rubbed his face and neck, "He, well, to put it-"

"-Ed, just say it."

"He slept with a lot of women, women he met on the job, cops, informants, you name it, he didn't discriminate."

For a moment, Olivia forgot all about Rachel's warning. "How did you manage to work with a partner like that?" She asked in disbelief.

Gravely serious, Ed replied, "The job, Liv. Wasn't my place to tell him how to live his life. But he was the type of cop I can't stand-exaggerated his importance, thought he was untouchable. I wasn't surprised when he went private-"

"-where?"

"Mobile Fortress." Ed sized up his wife and he felt an emotional distance grow between them. Olivia seemed to skulk away from him. The kitchen island spanned two or three feet and separated them, but the distance looked insurmountable. "Liv? Why did you say I knew her?"

The words appeared to pain Olivia as she spoke them. "Because she saw your picture," she replied, "And she told me you were dangerous."

Ed swore his heart stopped beating. The blood drained from his face and he gripped the granite edge to keep from reeling backward. White as a sheet and slack-jawed, he stood in front of his wife and could not, for the life of him, put together a coherent response. Olivia was probably scrutinizing every muscle in his face, every twitch, every subtle movement. She was reading raw, true data, for the terror at the prospect of losing his wife's trust obliterated his capabilities of deception.

…

Cole had questioned Olivia almost as much as Ed, so the Lieutenant was surprised she had never noticed how the partners had similar smirks. If she hadn't known Cole was happily married and had been for years, she would have thought he was brazenly flirting with her in the presence of her boyfriend. Cole had been one of the first people to suspect Ed Tucker had feelings for Olivia Benson, so he was less than shocked when Ed had come clean about their relationship weeks earlier. Cole was a loyal friend and partner and promised to keep the secret, but, when the truth was forced out, he casually suggested that the three of them get together for a drink.

"Like a double date?" Ed had asked.

"No," Cole replied, sensing the hesitation in his voice, "More like a, 'hey, been a rough stretch, let's unwind'."

So there they were, at one of the seemingly endless options of cop bars Tucker knew, drinking whiskey and chatting as if they were three of the dearest, oldest friends. Olivia expected the outing to be uncomfortable, but Cole, outside of IAB, was charming and kind and had a gentle demeanor about him. Anyone who talked to Ed for a few minutes could tell he was a lifelong, hardened cop, but Cole could have passed for something other than an NYPD Sergeant near retirement. He and Olivia got along so well, Ed started to feel faint pangs of jealousy.

He moved closer to Olivia and, counting on her assuming his behavior was due to alcohol consumption rather than envy, whispered, "We can get outta here whenever ya want."

Olivia reached backward and patted his face. It was a flirty, bold move. It felt good and she could tell Ed loved it, too. "Maybe one more?"

"Whatever ya want." In the middle of the reply, Cole glanced at his phone and Ed snuck the slightest nibble at her ear. Olivia shivered and Ed patted her hip. He was desperate to get her home. The plan to meet Cole had made him nervous and it had gone so well. He was torn between not wanting the night out as a couple to end and desperately needing to get back to her apartment.

"Your son in preschool this fall or there already?" Cole asked.

"This fall," Olivia replied, "I don't know how I feel about it. I'm thrilled to have him get out there and meet more kids but a part of me is sad."

Cole said something in reply, but Olivia only heard Ed's voice, "I hate it when you're sad," he murmured into his glass.

After the drinks, they said goodbye to Cole on the street and he disappeared into the night. Olivia expected Ed's kiss, but she thought he might pull her off to the side, against a stoop or somewhere other than the middle of Eighth Avenue. He wrapped one arm around her waist and he held her head to his with the opposite hand. It one of the most, if not the most, romantic and passionate kisses Olivia had ever experienced and she struggled to open her eyes afterward.

"My God," she gasped.

"My place or yours?"

"Mine," she said, "I don't want a time limit."

Ed shot her an expression that would become routine but then was brand new. The naughty smirk caused Olivia to grab his arm in order to avoid buckling at the knees. In that instance he was deliciously sexy, ruggedly handsome, and irresistible. They made their way up the street where Ed stepped off the curb to hail a taxi with Olivia's hand still in his. Once inside the car, Olivia kissed him and stared into his eyes. She couldn't find the words, but she was sure he understood the love, infatuation, and appreciation she wanted to convey.

"Was a good night," Ed said casually as if Olivia wasn't almost sitting in his lap.

"It was," Olivia replied, "Maybe some time we can have dinner with Cole and his wife?"

"You'd wanna do that?"

A wide, genuine smile crossed her face, "I would."

"Then we'll do it."

Olivia kissed him and stroked his face. "That's not too much for you?"

"I was thinkin' it might be too much for you."

"It's not. I think," Olivia bit her lip, "I'm kind of liking this, Ed Tucker, us being out in the open."

Ed smirked and puckered his lips for another kiss. There were no words to describe how thrilled he was to no longer have to hide or keep his feelings under wraps.

….

By the time Ed finished telling Olivia what he remembered about Rachel Wilson's allegations and his former partner's counterclaims, he had beaten himself up so badly for missing or discounting obvious signs, Olivia had to remind herself that there was a victim involved. She spent much of the evening pulling double duty. Wearing her supportive spouse cloak, she did her best to comfort Ed, mostly by reminding him that all cops, all people for that matter, made harmful mistakes. However, she couldn't stop her SVU instincts from taking over and asked probing questions about Gary Wald and Rachel Wilson until she realized their marital conversation was sounding more like a light interrogation.

"Ed, don't beat yourself up for missing things," Olivia gently stroked his forearms, but the despondency lingered, "I've missed things. A lot of things."

He dragged his head up to meet her eyes. His voice barely registered above a murmur. "At some point you gotta decide you're gonna trust people, ya know?"

"I know," Olivia was holding his hands now, "And sometimes we put that trust in the wrong people. But, in our jobs, we have to trust our partners. That's the lay of the land, the rules-"

"-and back then, Liv, and probably now, too, I dunno, there were so many affairs, so many guys giving this favor and that favor, and," Ed's face contorted; it was no secret that there was excruciating shame in his impending admission, "The lens is different now, we, uh, we took those allegations less seriously then."

Ed looked like he was either going to cry or get sick. Having never seen him so distraught, Olivia wasn't sure how to respond. Hug him? Keep talking? Squeeze his hands? Sit there and wait? He was calling his entire existence, his entire law enforcement legacy into question.

"Ed," Olivia waited until she knew for sure he was listening, "You, your job, your career, you're more than this, it's-"

"-I didn't believe her-"

"-You made the wrong call, yes."

"And now I gotta make it right."

Olivia was still worried but less so because Ed's jaw was steeled and the resolute, no-nonsense Captain Tucker persona returned.

"Who do I call?"

"Rollins," Olivia replied, "Start there."

Ed's eyes blazed, "Gary's not gettin' away with this," he muttered, "Not again."

….

Four of the five Tuckers paraded into a row halfway up the middle section of bleachers and took their seats. The natatorium was massive, much larger and better lit than the local YMCA where Wyatt usually swam, and it offered seating for at least three times the number of spectators. On his second round of parenting, Ed thought most events for kids were too serious and too elaborate and he mumbled something about this venue being comparable to an Olympic arena. Maggie and Noah talked about the high dive boards and longed to try them out. After a few procedural announcements, the races began. Wyatt was competing in two events-and individual race and a relay-and his solo freestyle was first. He marched to the starting blocks clad in his club's warm-up suit.

"S'hot in here," Maggie whined.

Noah corrected her with the correct word, "Humid," he said.

"Wish they had snacks like at basketball," Maggie slapped at a few strands of brown hair that were sticking to her cheek. She sat on the edge of the bleacher and kicked her feet wildly, taking advantage of the fact that nobody was in front of them. "Ope! Wyatt's gonna jump in!"

Olivia looped her arm through Ed's. Wyatt's first race was starting. He shed his warm up suit and stepped onto the platform. In his swim cap and goggles, he was close to being indistinguishable from the others, but Wyatt's body gave him away. The kid was built like a linebacker. Most five-year-olds were scrawny, but not Wyatt. He was burly, thick, and looked like he could dominate the pool, if not in swimming, definitely in a fistfight, not that he would ever willingly be in a fistfight.

Wyatt took his mark. Olivia jumped at the starter buzzer.

"GO WYATT!"

"GO GO GO!"

Olivia was standing now, arms straight and fists balled at her sides. Wyatt was coasting down the pool well ahead of every other kid. He expertly flipped to change direction and swam the final lap. When he surfaced, his family went crazy. Wyatt, however, looked up at the time and treaded water until the last race finished. He fist-bumped every racer. A little later, when it was time to receive his first place medal, he bowed his head to accept it, found his family in the crowd, and smiled. He was proud but also a tiny bit embarrassed at all the attention. Tears poured down Olivia's cheeks. Ed kissed her and held her hand. Maggie and Noah paid absolutely no attention to the familiar outpouring of emotion.

All participants gathered around the podium as more medals were awarded. When the final winners hopped down, Wyatt and the others scattered in search of their parents. The Tuckers all got an even stronger whiff of chlorine when Wyatt bounded over to them. Maggie gave him a huge hug and raved at the shiny gold medal. She turned it over and over in her hands until Wyatt took it off his neck and told her she could have it for a while. Noah gave his brother a side hug and congratulated him.

That night, after the celebratory dinner and boisterous walk home, Olivia and Ed flipped through the photographs they'd taken that afternoon mostly in awed silence. On momentous occasions such as this one, they had to pinch themselves and remind one another this life was, indeed, real.

Olivia had a routine of tagging and placing pictures she wanted to print and frame in a separate folder, and she quickly earmarked her favorites of the day. The first was of Wyatt on the starting block. He displayed perfect form and a determined look on his goggled face. The second was of Wyatt and Noah who had draped a proud arm around his brother's shoulders. And then there was Olivia's favorite-she'd captured the second Maggie ran to Wyatt as he approached. Her arms were extended and there was no mistaking the pride and joy directed at her brother. But what Olivia loved the most was, when she zoomed in, she noticed the twins were totally locked in to one another-Wyatt embarrassed but not surprised at Maggie's effusiveness and Maggie generously doling out accolades. There was a certain shared glint in their eyes and Olivia remembered feeling, for a second, as if the twins were miles and miles away even though she could have reached out and hugged both of them. The three kids all had things in common which strengthened their bonds, but Maggie and Wyatt would always share a unique devotion to one another that was never explicitly acknowledged but was, always, there.

….

Maggie and Wyatt dragged one of their chairs over to the pantry and used the boost as leverage to open the door. Maggie tilted the handle and Wyatt pulled the door ajar slowly and carefully so Maggie wouldn't fall. She climbed down, slid the chair aside; the twins paused for a second and silently plotted what to do with free reign of the cabinet.

"Cheer-Os, Magg," Wyatt grabbed the oversized yellow box and handed it to his sister, "Froo Loops." This box he carried himself. The twins ran back and forth a few times, selecting items in boxes, and, by the time they were discovered, they had three walls of a house or a fort or whatever they'd envisioned set up in the middle of the living room.

They had only been left unsupervised for a few minutes. Olivia rounded the corner from Noah's room where she was changing sheets and smiled at their work. "Sweet twins!" She exclaimed, "What are you doing?"

"C'inside, Mama!" Maggie held out her hand for her mother's and ushered her in their tiny, partially enclosed space.

"This is so nice!" Olivia exclaimed.

Having been consumed with more serious matters, Ed appeared, brow furrowed and staring at his phone, but even in his distressed state could not stop himself from grinning. "Whatcha got goin' on here?" He asked. "A fort? A city version of a treehouse?"

"Teehouse!" Wyatt said. He ran to the pantry and grabbed two more smaller boxes to add to the walls.

Ed went back to his phone and Olivia picked up hers from the island. She'd missed several calls, a few from unknown numbers. She selected Fin and called back. He answered in the gravest tone he'd ever used. Ed had his own inner turmoil to deal with, but he forgot all of it when he saw Olivia, dazed, slink into the couch.

"Liv? What's the matter?"

"Cassidy," she said in a hollow voice, "He's…" She trailed off but a text message arrived on his phone from Cole.

Heads up, he had written, B. Cass. is gone. .38 to the head down in Daytona Beach.

Before Ed sat at Olivia's side he briefly buried his face in his hands. The twins' cheerful voices and the pitter-patter of their bare feet was glaringly incongruous to the morbid news. Selfishly, Ed wondered how this would affect them, if it would somehow cause Olivia to realize it was Cassidy who she actually loved and not him. Olivia laid her head against his chest and cried softly. Ed had no idea what to say, so he held her tightly until the twins shouted, "Ma! Dada! BUILD!"

Olivia sniffled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Collecting herself, she stood up and forced a smile. "Okay sweet twins," she said, "I'll help you build."

"Liv, I can-"

"-No," she said, "Right now...I need this."

He grabbed her hand and kissed it softly. "Okay."

"Are you going to help."

"Absolutely."

….

Ed had never seen himself so much in Sarah as he did when she leaned over the tiny bar table and said, "Livvie's old boyfriend killed himself?" There had been so many times over the years when Sarah had been over dramatic, Ed was used to her overreacting, but, in this case, he kind of shared her sentiments. Sarah jabbered on about all sorts of scenarios, she wondered aloud if her Livvie would cry at the funeral, and then she asked her father if he would attend the service.

"Yeah," he said, "Of course I will. I gotta be there for Liv."

"What if she…what if...Daddy...I think about if Jeff were to die. Especially, um, like this. I would feel awful. Like, I would think, okay, what did I do or say, what-" Sarah caught herself. Once again, she'd forgotten her own compartmentalized guilt surrounding her mother's death until her own words slapped her in the face.

Ed immediately picked up on the emotions. "Your mom isn't your fault, Sarah."

"I brought her the drugs. And I wasn't a good daughter."

"You didn't make her take them all at once," he said, "And I disagree."

"Are you worried Livvie is going to freak out over this?"

Ed allowed Sarah to change the subject. "No. I'm not. Because she's not gonna freak out. She's gonna be sad. She's probably gonna question some things. But it's not gonna be me or you or anyone else. And it's gonna be hard for her. Cassidy was in her life for a long time-"

"But not longer than you," Sarah interjected, "At least, by the time's all said and done. You'll be in it the longest."

"It's not a competition."

"Oh it absolutely is," Sarah retorted, "And, you know what? Happier subjects. Speaking of competitions, Grandma called me and said she's going to Noah's basketball game Saturday and wants to come and stay with us Friday night. So we should all do dinner. The whole fam at my place. Livvie loves that kinda stuff."

Ed pictured his wife surrounded by the people she loved and who loved her. The montage playing in his head made him smile. Yes, he thought, some whole-family time would be good for Olivia and good for them. With Cassidy's funeral and the reopened case against Gary Wald, the next few weeks or even months would be challenging. But they'd overcome more daunting obstacles. They'd get through this together, lean on each other, and emerge stronger than they'd ever been.

….

#Tuckson