138. The story continues!

Once the phases of reopening were complete, and the virus was no longer a concern, it didn't take long for the city and its residents to revert to normalcy. It seemed as if someone had flipped a switch, and, all of a sudden, traffic clogged the streets, people (wearing masks) scurried to and from work, and the eerie silence was replaced by the familiar cacophony of car horns, screeching of construction equipment, and voices half-shouting into phones or at each other. Reopening also meant court proceedings were back in session, so Sonny, finding himself useful again, was in a much better mood. Ed, however, received his grand jury summons and lived with a pit in his stomach in the weeks leading up to the day he would have to show up and deliver evidence against his former partner and friend, but also go on the record and own the cavalier manner in which he had handled the case.

That morning, he dropped Noah off at school, returned home, and slowly dressed in a suit and tie. Never one for flashy attire, he nevertheless took great care to choose his dullest items. He was half heartedly buffing a pair of wingtips when Olivia came into the bedroom and sat on the ottoman beside him.

"How are you doing?" The question was so inadequate. Almost ludicrous. Ed had been ornery, short-tempered, and tossed and turned at night so much she was doubtful he was getting more than a couple of hours of sleep. As a sort of apology, she rubbed his neck and kissed the side of his head. Ed continued buffing the shoes, making short, frustrated strokes.

"I want this to be over," he replied gruffly, "I want Gary in prison, and I want," he dropped the shoes and let his arms hang down in front of him, "I want some goddamn peace of mind about this."

"Making it right is how you get it," Olivia said softly.

She hoped she was choosing the right words. Each time they talked about the case, Ed dissected his role over and over to the point that there was absolutely no purpose to the rehashing other than to punish himself. At times Olivia wondered if the self-loathing, while genuine, was his way of also proving to her that he was truly remorseful. Ed had fucked up, and the fuck up had disastrous consequences, but it was done. All he had to do was tell the truth to the grand jury and then, to a trial jury. He'd testified hundreds of times, in dozens of venues and he'd never once experienced such trepidation at the prospect of being in the hot seat. However, the legal part was much easier than the part where he constantly worried he was now diminished in his wife's eyes. No matter how sincerely or how often Olivia soothed him with reassurances, Ed struggled to accept them.

She kissed him again. "I'm ready whenever you are."

Ed nodded and looked at her with heavy eyes. "I love you, Liv."

"I love you," she said firmly, begging him to believe her.

Walking out of the room, he caught a glimpse of one of the many photos hanging on the apartment walls. In this one, the twins and Noah were making silly faces at the bottom of a playground slide. Ed thought of the twins who, today, were being looked after by Justin. Sarah would leave work early and pick up Noah from school. It was Wednesday, and she was eager to get back to their regular dinner and shopping dates. At the very least, the kids were happy. They were well-cared for, loved, maybe a bit spoiled but definitely not entitled. He and Olivia were doing their best setting them up for successful lives. Ed felt like he'd hit rock bottom, worse than when his marriage fell apart, worse than when Eugene almost cost him his job, worse than when he'd shot and killed a man while on duty, but he took a mental snapshot of that photograph and willed himself to keep it in his mind over the next few hours. They would be a bright spot in an otherwise dark, difficult day.

…

Most people outside of law enforcement who visited Manhattan's Special Victims Unit did not realize the Sixteenth Precinct housed a host of officers and detectives who investigated other types of crimes. Since SVU operated on one level and rarely had reason to visit other floors, Olivia herself often overlooked the fact there were hundreds of other cases cycling through the building at any given time.

Including cases involving IAB.

So, when Ed Tucker wandered into the squad room late one evening, she was initially startled. What was he doing here? At this hour? And, if he was here for one of hers, why wasn't she aware of whatever occurred?

"Relax, Lieutenant," he said, striding into her office and taking a seat without asking. "Here on a matter unrelated to SVU."

Olivia peeled off her reading glasses and nodded. "I was seconds away from a group text asking what in the hell they weren't telling me."

Ed kept a straight face, but he was turned on by her take-charge attitude. "All by yourself here tonight?" He glanced back through the blinds at the empty desks. Only the desk Sergeant remained. It was a sure sign of a slow night, or, even, a slow week which made Ed wonder why he hadn't heard from her.

"Yes," Olivia gestured to a stack of folders, "I still haven't gotten the hang of the paperwork I'm ashamed to say. I'm typically a pretty fast learner."

"You're an atypical leader," Ed pointed out, his lips curling into a smirk, "Not many Lieutenants are out there working alongside their detectives. They're content to enjoy the office."

"Well, that's yet another thing we have in common." Olivia leaned back in her chair and made a show of holding back a smile. The only intimacy between she and Ed had been the goodnight kisses they shared before parting after drinks or, lately, casual dinners, but she craved more. Olivia had never been so attracted to anyone in her life, and the fact she sometimes had trouble shoving him to the margins of her mind was both unsettling and thrilling.

Hearing "we have in common" was enough to make Ed's entire body go numb and he was thankful he'd boldly taken a seat. He loosened his navy striped tie and opened the collar of his shirt not so much for comfort but for a way to dispose of nervous energy. It was his turn to speak, but he wasn't sure what to say.

"You, uh, look like you're busy," he said, "It's already almost midnight-"

"-I probably should stop," Olivia said, "Tomorrow is another day."

"I'll walk you to the car."

"Thank you."

They approached the sedan and their pace slowed. Olivia dug her keys out of her pocket and turned to Ed. "I wish I felt like going for a drink," she said, "But I am so tired."

"They'll be other times for that," Ed replied with a shrug. He stepped closer to her and tried to get a sense of whether or not she wanted him to kiss her out here where there could be prying eyes. "Get some rest."

She smiled and asked, "Are you headed out somewhere?"

"Nah. I think I'll go home and go over my notes from tonight."

"Complicated case?"

"Yes. Drugs, alcohol...accusation upon accusation….nothin' seems to add up right now," a smirk slowly formed on his face, "But I'll figure it out."

"I'm sure you will," Olivia reached for his elbow and gave it a squeeze.

Was she pulling him toward her? Yes, she was, he was sure of it. Ed kissed her on the lips while breathing in deeply. It was brief, but good, at least he thought it was good. It was the perfect outside-of-her-office parking lot goodbye kiss.

The smile on her face indicated she was in total agreement.

"Goodnight Ed."

"Night."

His knees were weak.

Ed.

More often than not, she was using his first name rather than "Tucker" or his rank and he couldn't get enough of it. He would hear his name in her voice all night and throughout the next morning. He would hear it until they finally spoke again.

…

Justin was part of a large family and had grown up in a neighborhood full of kids. Starting at the age of twelve, he was called upon to babysit, occasionally in a paid capacity, but most times because families and close neighbors helped each other out. Early on he developed a reputation for being responsible, so he was the first kid asked (or told) when someone needed a toddler minded while his or her mother went to run errands or took another child to an appointment. Justin never complained. He liked kids. He enjoyed the simplicity of running around in the small Bronx backyard where the only thing he had to worry about was a ball sailing over the fence.

One of the things that attracted him to Sarah was her devotion to her younger half-siblings. He remembered one of their first conversations-she had a habit of diving into topics as if Justin already knew who all the players were, and he'd assumed Noah was her child. She rambled on about how she was keeping her eye on the clock because she couldn't bear the thought of the little boy exiting his classroom, excited to see her but finding no familiar face waiting for him. Justin asked if she picked him up every day or if she had help. Sarah screwed up her face. Justin looked equally confused. Sarah burst into laughter, realizing her mistake.

"Noey's my brother," she said through giggles. "Oh no. No kids for me yet. Actually, I got divorced over that, well, not completely that issue, but-if you're looking for a quick baby mama, I'm not that girl."

The brutally honest transparency left Justin completely flabbergasted. They'd known each other for less than a week. He figured, even if the relationship didn't go anywhere, she wasn't the type of person to play games.

Sarah must have told her father and Olivia early on how serious she was about him, for they accepted him into the fold immediately. And, he knew he gained a lot of respect after he and Sarah safely returned Maggie and Noah to the Tuckers after Wyatt's brief stay in the hospital a couple years ago. After that, Justin was officially in the club. Olivia even let him take Noah on the train downtown and back to get some extra EMT gear for his Halloween costume. Justin had never felt so protective of another person in his entire life.

He was more relaxed now, he didn't have to view every chunk of time with the kids as a test, but he was committed to providing an extremely high level of care and attentiveness. So, when Maggie and Wyatt asked him to play "Skye" and "Chase" and handed him the remote control, he had absolutely no clue what they were talking about.

"Marsall, pease, Jussy!" Wyatt stared up at him longingly. "Ry'er!"

This was not a huge deal. The twins weren't upset. But Justin's heart was breaking at not being able to give them what they wanted.

"What show is it?" Justin asked, trying to put the pieces together.

"Skye show!" Maggie said.

"Marsall da FIRE DOG!" Wyatt said gleefully. He skipped around the table and playfully crashed into Justin's knees.

Justin pulled out his phone and Googled the names. "Oh," he said with a grin, "Paw Patrol. Is that it?"

Maggie and Wyatt raised their hand over their heads and cheered.

"Paw P'trol! Marsall da FIRE DOG!"

"Chase p'ice dog!"

They were subscribed to every streaming service available, so Justin was confident he could find the show. He did, and a few minutes later, the twins were sitting in the middle of the couch completely entranced.

"Want a snack?" Justin asked.

Maggie shook her head back and forth but kept her eyes peeled on the screen. "You watch, Jussy," she said, reaching out to him while balling and unballing a fist.

"Okay, I'll watch with ya."

Justin sat down next to Maggie and slung his arm across the back of the couch. Seconds later, both twins had climbed into his lap, still locked in on the action, and now snuggled against his chest. The scent of baby shampoo and fabric softener wafted up from their hair and their zippered hoodies and jeans, their go-to casual wear. Justin had some work to do, but it could wait. He could think of nothing else more important than getting to know the characters and heroics of Ryder and his rescue dog squad.

…..

The adults were already finished with coffee and were planning the day when they heard the first sounds of stirring from the den. Earlier, when they tried to avoid making noise, Olivia mentioned there was no point in tiptoeing around. She reported the kids were up at least until three a.m. Sarah bounced JJ in her lap and asked what Olivia had been doing at that hour to be privy to that information. Ed and Justin completely ignored her. Brooke's cheeks burned. Olivia simply chuckled and squeezed Ed's leg under the table. It was a stealthy move yet meant to be conspicuous and she didn't care if the rest of them saw, she kind of wanted the rest of them to see. She was proud of their marriage, of their love.

"Justin, you want to go to the marina with me and bring the jet skis around? I'm sure they'll want to use 'em today."

Ed liked to keep the jet skis on the slip at the marina, on the bay side of Bethany Beach. The salt water was bad for the exterior and the engine and he didn't feel comfortable leaving them on the sand all night. Besides, he enjoyed going to the marina, especially in the morning when the place was just waking up. Seagulls swooped in and out of the water. Attendants, mostly teenagers working summer jobs, hosed down the docks and the sides of boats under their care. Clerks pumped gas for a few fishermen headed out. Everyone was friendly and most of them knew one another. Ed was almost always greeted by name.

Justin agreed, but he eyed Anthony and Mari. They were playing in the corner of the dining room and content for now, but he was obviously concerned about leaving Sarah with the three kids, even though they would be gone less than an hour and she had Olivia and Brooke there to help. His mother had gone on a walk. She always woke up early, and, on her second day at the house, wandered out to the shore at dawn. Entranced by the peace, beauty, and solace, she continued down the beach, with no phone, and worried everyone until she returned ninety minutes later. The walks continued, but she made sure to take her phone.

"Why don't you let me take care of the kids," Olivia sensed the brewing tension, "Sarah, Brooke, you wanted to go to the surf shop, didn't you?"

Both Sarah and Brooke loved starting their vacations with a trip to the shop a few blocks away. It sold touristy items such as t-shirts emblazoned with the town's name and logo, swimwear, inflatable rafts, bicycles, sunscreen, a variety of snacks and drinks, and, of course, surf boards. They never truly needed anything, but going to the shop and purchasing a new tank top or a silly shot glass or a garish inflatable marked the beginning of summer.

"Yes, let's go," Brooke said eagerly.

"You don't mind?" Sarah asked Olivia.

"Of course not."

"Let me just see if Sof's awake," Brooke said. Even in a familiar house, she didn't like the idea of Sofia waking up without her there.

"And I'll go grab my bag," Sarah handed JJ to Olivia. It was getting close to time for his morning nap, and he burrowed his face into her neck. "You love your Livvie, don't you, Jay?"

"Precious little thing," Olivia cooed into his head. She caught a glimpse of her children shuffling out of the den, "Speaking of precious…"

"Morning!" Maggie said brightly.

"Did you clean up in there?" Olivia asked. "Oh, and, good morning, sweet girl."

Maggie grinned at her mother's error and matter-of-factly explained Noah and Wyatt were folding the blankets and fixing the furniture. "I dunno why we don't keep it like a bedroom," she said, "That's where we're sleeping."

"Because that's what we do," Olivia replied.

Maggie shrugged and ran upstairs, presumably to swap her pajamas for a bathing suit after a stop in the bathroom.

Olivia turned back to Brooke and Sarah. "Would you pick up some tequila while you're out?" She asked, "Margaritas with lunch will be so fun."

Sarah raised her bag in acknowledgement, "I love the way you think, Livvie. We're on it."

….

There were dozens of prosecution witnesses called to testify in front of the grand jury, and Ed's turn didn't come for two hours after they arrived. During the wait he sat on the bench, impatiently tapping his foot and muttering occasional comments about people he recognized and their connections to his career. At one point he asked Olivia what she was thinking. She took his hand and told him she was remembering all the times she'd been in the courthouse and been so focused and busy she never had much time to appreciate its architecture.

"I also remember being here a lot...without you being in my life," she added.

Ed grabbed her hand, twirled her rings, and looked her in the eyes. He was too shaky to say anything.

Olivia felt his fingers toy with the diamond and let her eyes drift downward. "Tell me again how you picked this out?"

"I told the guy I wanted something that looked like strength," he replied, all too willing to play along with her distraction game. "And he came up with this cut, but it didn't look right with the thicker band, so I made him go bigger, then I was a little unsure if whether it was too big."

Olivia grinned. The diamond was huge, but not ostentatious. And picturing Ed putting so much effort into choosing the perfect ring was both endearing and a tad agonizing. "I never put too much stock into jewelry, but, this ring...and all it represents...it's the most precious thing I own. And you did a terrific job-I would have wanted exactly this one."

Ed didn't care if she was being overly solicitous. He was feeling better, more confident, and he held her hand until he was called to enter the room.

"Ed Tucker?" The bailiff said in a voice devoid of all emotion.

Ed stood up. Before he could say anything, Olivia wrapped her arms around him and held him close until the court officer started to shift impatiently from foot to foot. "I'll be here when you're done," she said. "I love you."

He whispered, "thank you," and gave her elbow and hand a squeeze. "Love you." For some reason, he turned around and glanced back at the bench before the doors closed behind him. She had retaken her seat and, jaw set, sat with her elbows on her knees, probably running down the questions Ed would be asked. He tried not to show any emotion as he entered and walked past the grand jurors, but he strode with resolve and poise with a serene expression on his face. He was married to Olivia Benson. Tonight he would play with their three beautiful children and sleep beside her. No matter what, he had that assurance. He didn't need anything else.

…

#Tuckson