A/N: The school year is winding down. The baseball playoffs are about to begin. The CATS are going to graduate soon and start their post-graduate lives. There are lots of changes in store for Chuck, Sarah, and their friends.
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck. I make no money from Chuck. That's one thing that will never change, no matter how much I might wish that it would.
Chapter 40 – Changes
Sunday May 26
They were driving back to the dorm the same way they'd left it, with their hands linked over the car's console. Sarah sat there, amused, because Chuck was humming the tune from the last song. She took a deep breath and sighed happily.
"I had a great time tonight, sweetie," she said, squeezing his hand. "Thank you so much for asking me to go with you." Surprised, Chuck briefly took his eyes off the road to glance at her.
"There's no one else I would have asked, Sarah."
"I appreciate you saying that, but it was still nice to be asked and it was fun dressing up and everything. You were such a gentleman. It was all fun. So romantic. Thank you," Sarah had admitted with a smile.
"I agree. I had a great time, too, particularly for going to one of those things for the first time. And, most importantly, going with you." Chuck smiled and squeezed her hand in return.
"That food was all yummy, too!" She said with a groan. "Probably three laps around the lake tomorrow for my penance."
"You haven't gained an ounce from where I'm sitting," he grinned.
"You're sweet, but biased. Nope, while you're practicing baseball, I'll be working off the calories I put on tonight."
"Didn't the dancing help at all?"
"Sure, it did, but all that food will take more than a few dances to work off," she pouted. Then she smiled. "You did pretty well on the dance floor, Chuck. Once you learned a few steps. I'm proud of you."
"I think your toes might have a different opinion, m'dear," Chuck grinned and shook his head. "But I would agree I wasn't too bad there at the end."
"I hate to break it to you, babe, but we weren't dancing at the end, just swaying."
"Well then," he huffed, sounding a bit annoyed. "I was pretty good at swaying. I'm a world-class sway-er."
Sarah giggled. "Yes, I would concur with your assessment, Mr. Science. You are a world class sway-er."
Chuck beamed before sobering as he had another thought.
"Don't you have a paper that's due to be turned in tomorrow, too? How are you going to do that since it's a holiday? Or did you turn it in already?" he asked. Sarah took a couple of beats to catch up to the change in the conversation.
"Yeah, my last human biology paper is due tomorrow and, no, I haven't turned it in, yet," she shrugged. "Our professor is having us turn in an electronic copy as well as the paper copy. We're just supposed to slide our paper copies under his office door before midnight tomorrow. I'll take care of that after breakfast, once I take one final look at it."
"Nice. That leaves just your senior seminar stuff, right? Or is that done too and I just missed it on top of everything else?"
"Stop that," she frowned. "You didn't miss anything. Don't be so hard on yourself. You've got a lot going on, too, you know." She shook her head at the thought of just how much he did have going on. "And that doesn't even take into account you getting hurt and all of the extra stuff you've had to do to recover from that."
"Yeah, I guess," he shrugged. She narrowed her eyes at him. Seeing her look, Chuck sighed and nodded his head. "Right. I'll try and ease up. Dr. Dreyfus is working with me on that anyway." She nodded. "So? … Your senior seminar stuff?" He glanced over at her and caught her grin and eye roll.
"Yup. That paper is due by Thursday and my oral presentation on it is scheduled for Friday."
"Almost done."
"Right. Almost done," Sarah said, growing pensive. Chuck noticed her shift in mood.
"Sorry, Sarah. I didn't mean to distract you."
She sighed with a solitary head shake. "You didn't. It's just the end of school and all that stuff we've talked about before."
"Got it." Chuck paused, fishing around for something positive for Sarah to think about. "Are you planning to live with Carina and Zondra next year?"
"Yeah, of course, we are. Starting this summer, as a matter of fact." Sarah's mood brightened as she thought about the future.
"Where are you going to live? In a dorm or someplace else?"
"Not the dorm, that's for sure. We're tired of it. Been there, done that," she shook her head.
"OK. So, where then? I gotta know where to go to pick you up for dates, don't I?" Chuck asked with a goofy smile. Sarah pretended to think about that for a second.
"Yeah, I guess you do, don't you? You know, being my boyfriend and all," she teased. "We've gotten an apartment over in Escondido Village."
"Way over there? Why there?" He scratched the back of his head, feeling confused.
"There'll only be the three of us with Amy gone." Sarah paused, holding in her emotions. "If students don't submit their applications with enough roommates to fill the apartment, just like in the dorms, the school assigns someone new as a roommate. No way we wanted to be in a four-bedroom place and have to have a stranger living with us. We've been together for the entire time we've been undergrads. Think about what that would mean for that new person, with how close the three of us are. Talk about the odd girl out. So, that means just the three of us. The Escondido complex is the only one that has three-bedroom apartments."
"So, you're kind of stuck, I guess." He lifted one shoulder in a sympathetic shrug.
"Yeah, but, at least, we're still on campus and not in one of those other complexes located off-campus in one of the surrounding towns."
They'd gotten back to Roble Hall and found a parking space. Getting out, Chuck locked the car and took Sarah's hand as they walked toward her suite.
"Are y'all going to cook for yourselves or are you going to get one of those graduate meal plans?"
"I don't know. We hadn't gotten that far," Sarah said, blinking. "That's something we can decide at any time. Cooking at home has its advantages, but so does having a meal plan. I think they have partial plans for grad students, don't they? So many meals per week or something?"
"Yeah, you're right, they do. I remember seeing them when I got here last fall."
"Of course, you do," she teased with a giggle.
"Ha! Better get used to it, missy," he twisted his lips and pointed at her, then shrugged. "You can get a block of meals, costed out per meal. The larger the block, the smaller the per-meal cost to you. They offer regular meal plans for a different set number of meals per week, just like what they do for undergrads. There's also a special 5 meal per week deal for people in apartments for a single price. I'm guessing that's to cover you at lunchtime."
"Sure is," she agreed. He looked at her curiously. "A couple of years ago I had a teaching assistant who was on that plan. She liked it a lot. Very convenient." Chuck nodded at her explanation. "I'll have to talk to the girls about it before we get started with summer quarter."
"Let me know what y'all decide," Chuck said. He refrained from commenting on how much he enjoyed eating his meals with her and the other Songbirds, even Carina. No reason to add to the things she was dealing with right that minute.
"Speaking of decisions, what about you and Morgan?" she asked. "Have you decided where you're going to live next year yet?"
"We haven't talked about it," Chuck shrugged. "Me getting hurt interfered with a lot of stuff. Our rooming arrangements being one of them. I'll bring it up to him tomorrow."
They'd reached her suite by now. Sarah turned and stepped in to hug him. When Chuck responded with a hug of his own, she took a deep breath, basking in his scent. Resting her head on his shoulder, she smiled.
"Thank you for taking me tonight, baby," she sighed happily. "I know I've already said that, but I had such a good time I wanted to tell you again. Way better than my prom."
"I must have done something right as your date. You didn't karate kick me or anything," he grinned.
She guffawed. "You ass! You're not Handsy Hank. Not by a long shot." She raised her head to look him in the eye, shaking it for added emphasis. "You were perfect," Sarah smiled. "A better dancer, too. Once you let me teach you a few things," she added with a knowing smirk at her double meaning. Chuck huffed and shook his head.
"I've still got a lot to learn," he replied in the same way with the same intent.
"We'll teach each other," she smiled saucily.
Then he kissed her. Sarah kept smiling for a beat or two before responding to his kiss, feeling her body begin to react, too. She opened her mouth to deepen the kiss, moaning when he quickly followed her lead. We certainly will teach each other things, baby, she thought. The warmth she felt in her chest was spreading outward. And down, pooling behind her navel.
The longer the kiss went on, the tighter they held each other. Their need to breathe forced them to end their kiss, but he leaned his forehead against hers. Both of them relished the continued contact.
"I love you," Chuck whispered like he was sharing the most precious secret he knew. Perhaps he was. His lips were so close that they brushed against hers when he spoke. Light as gossamer, the delicate touches intensified the warmth suffusing her body. Sarah could feel the blood coursing through her veins, beginning to boil. She hugged him closer to her, wanting to feel all of him.
He pressed his lips to hers again and she whimpered, sucking on his tongue when it entered her mouth. Her actions caused him to moan this time around and there was ample evidence that his blood was beginning to boil, just like hers. When they parted, each was breathing heavily. Almost gasping. Looking into his eyes, Sarah could see his desire there. That's why she also saw when the desire changed to fear and Chuck pulled back further. She knew why and sighed inwardly. It was difficult to be patient, but she was determined. When she saw uncertainty in his gaze and tension in his arms around her, she realized he needed reassurance, even if he wasn't aware of it.
"I love you, too, baby. Nothing's ever going to change that," Sarah beamed at him. After a moment of thought, she added, "I loved every second of our date tonight from the beginning up to and including right now." Her words had the desired effect. The uncertainty was gone from his eyes and she could feel the tension draining out of him.
"Thank you, Sarah. It's late. So, I better go," Chuck said apologetically. "I've got weight training early in the morning and a full schedule before baseball practice starts."
"Are you seeing Dr. Dreyfus tomorrow, too?"
"No, not tomorrow. Not with the holiday, but I'll see him at the regular time on Tuesday."
"OK. No Dreyfus. Just lab work and your write ups? Then baseball in the afternoon?"
"Yeah, that's about it."
"Wanna have breakfast with me? Before you head over to your lab, I mean?" Sarah asked tentatively, looking at him through her lashes and biting her lower lip. Chuck's eyes widened then he closed them and shook his head. She heard him snort through his nose.
"You don't play fair, Sarah Walker. You don't play fair at all," he said with a half-smile, once he'd opened his eyes to look at her.
"Nope! Not sorry, even a little bit," she giggled. "So? Does that mean you will have breakfast with me, Mr. Science?" This time she batted her eyelashes at him. He grinned and laughed.
"Of course, I'll have breakfast with you. How could I resist such a compelling offer?" Chuck chuckled, leaning in to give her a peck on her lips.
"Goody! 8:00am. Is that OK?" she asked, her eyes shining. You have no idea what compelling offers I have planned for you, Chuck, she thought. And other ideas besides. I will not rest until I make you mine. All mine. Every part of you. Afterwards, I expect to get even less rest. But it'll be worth it. We're worth it. We're worth everything.
"8:00am. Sounds good. I'll let you know if anything comes up that forces a change. I don't expect anything, but you never know with me," he said, his lips curving in a half-smile.
"Great, baby. Works for me," she grinned back. "Now, give me another kiss goodnight and hurry back to your room. You'll need a good night's sleep if you're going to be ready for practice tomorrow."
Chuck grinned at her. "Yes, Ma'am! As you wish." He leaned in again and she met him halfway. The kiss lasted a while. It was just as deep as the last one had been, but, this time, it was full of love and support. By unspoken agreement, both of them had banked their passion. For the time being. After more affectionate words, some quick parting kisses, and a final embrace, Chuck reluctantly said goodbye. He watched Sarah open her door before turning and walking away.
As soon as she entered their room, the elder CATS saw the dreamy expression on her face. When Sarah took a deep breath and sighed, Carina grumbled.
"I think I'm going to be sick!" she complained, grabbing her trash can.
"Don't mind her, Sar," Zondra said, twisting her lips to the side and shaking her head. "How was it? I'm not going to ask if you had a good time. That much is obvious." Sarah pressed her lips together in a tight smile. Wide-eyed, she looked at them as she nodded her head.
"I had the best time!" Sarah exclaimed. She giggled at her memories.
"Oh God!" Carina wailed. She stuck her head in the trashcan she was holding and made vomiting noises.
"Hush you!" Amy scolded, glaring at the redhead. Turning her attention to her friend, she pleaded, "Tell us all about it."
Sarah knew that she needed to keep working with Chuck to help him to overcome his fears. Their mutually busy year-end schedules would go a long way toward helping them restrain themselves. Helping her restrain herself, to be totally honest. She knew that there was more she needed to consider, but, in the meantime, she could tell her roommates about her evening. So, she did just that. Carina refused to release her trashcan for the duration of the blonde's tale, but made no effort to hide the smile that grew the longer Sarah talked.
Monday May 27 – Memorial Day
Chuck and Morgan had gotten back to their room after practice and were getting ready to go down to dinner. Even though it was Memorial Day and there hadn't been any classes scheduled, baseball practice had most definitely been scheduled. The Regional round of the NCAA baseball tournament started next Friday, May 31st, and the coaches wanted the Cardinal team to be ready. Stanford was hosting their regional and everyone wanted a good showing.
For a good portion of their walk from Klein Field, Chuck had only been half listening to Morgan's rambling analysis of Stanford's chances to bring home victory in the upcoming regional games. He was too busy focusing most of his mental effort on remembering the previous evening. And the two meals he'd shared with Sarah so far today. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Morgan loudly clearing his throat bringing him back to the present.
"You OK there, dude?" his roommate asked, sounding concerned. "It doesn't look like you've heard the last few things I've said. You're not getting a headache, are you?"
"No, Morgan. I'm not getting a headache. Nothing is wrong. I was just thinking about Sarah's and my conversation last night when we were driving back here after we left the banquet.
"I figured it had something to do with Sarah," Morgan grinned. Chuck pursed his lips and silently eyed his friend for a couple of long beats until his roommate began to fidget nervously. "So, what were you thinking about?"
"During the drive back, Sarah told me that she's going to live with Carina and Zondra next year," Chuck told his friend. "I didn't get a chance to tell you that last night."
"Oh yeah? Where are they planning on living? One of the dorms or are they going for an apartment?" Morgan asked.
"An apartment. It's in Escondido Village on the east side of campus. One of the low-rise places."
"Why way over there? That's a good way away from where they'll be taking classes. Sarah especially."
"That's what I thought, but Sarah told me that the only apartments with three bedrooms were over there. They don't want to have the university assign a stranger to the fourth room if they were to rent one of those," Chuck shrugged. "So, their choices were kind of limited."
"That sucks, bro," Morgan frowned.
"Yeah, it does, but what can you do? And it's only on the other side of campus, not the other side of the world. Sarah and I will deal with it," Chuck shrugged again and smiled.
"Speaking of which, there's something I wanted to tell you." To Chuck, Morgan sounded like he was reluctant to tell him whatever it was.
"What's that?"
Morgan hesitated for a long moment then sighed. He knew he needed to tell his friend what was going on. The sooner the better.
"Chuck, Alex and I have been talking about moving in together for next year."
"Really?" Chuck was surprised. "That's great! Have y'all told Coach Casey about your plans?"
"No, are you kidding?" His bearded friend chuckled ruefully. "We asked her mom and she's fine with it. Apparently, Ms. McHugh is kind of open minded, but we were planning on waiting to tell Coach Devil Dog until after the season is over and I'm about to leave town for summer ball."
"Get out of Dodge on the last stagecoach," the pitcher giggled. "Very smooth, Morgs. And smart, too. It'll take him a few more days to hunt you down in Alaska since you'll get a head start." The thought of the retired Marine hunting him like someone in The Most Dangerous Game gave the bearded man the shakes.
"Thanks, dude," Morgan frowned. "It doesn't bother you that I'm leaving you high and dry?"
"Morgan, you're not leaving me high and dry. You're moving in with Alex. She's your girlfriend. You've been together the entire year. Almost since we got to campus last fall. Way longer than Sarah and I have been dating. I expected something like this to happen at some point." He shrugged. "No big deal. Have y'all talked about where you want to live, yet?" Chuck was surprised at his friend taking such a big step, but he wasn't really bothered by it. He'd been alone before. This time around he really wouldn't be alone, he had Sarah. And lots of other friends, too.
"Yeah. Since the dorms don't allow co-ed rooms, we're looking at the subsidized apartments near campus. The special deal Alex gets because of her dad working for the university still applies to those apartments," the catcher replied. Suddenly, looking a little sheepish, he went on. "We're looking at Oak Creek. But a few of the others, too." He hurriedly added.
"Ellie's complex?" Chuck's eyes widened in true surprise. "Are you sure that's a wise idea, buddy?"
The other man nodded. "That's all over, my dude. Ellie was my old flame. A fling from my past, but I've moved on. I'm in a mature relationship with a beautiful woman." He pressed his lips together and nodded once.
"Alex told you to say that, didn't she? Threatened to work you over and then give you to her father, right?" Chuck grinned.
The shorter man's shoulders sagged. "Yeah. Only she didn't threaten to kick my ass, though she absolutely could, no doubt." He shook his head sadly. "All she had to do is tell me that she'd keep her distance if I ever got out of line. No holding hands. No kissing. No … nothing." By now Chuck understood what Morgan was talking about. He'd spent the year hanging around Carina Miller and that was definitely an education.
"You need to listen to her, buddy."
"I know that, Chuck," Morgan agreed. "The thing is, I wasn't lying. I really am over Ellie. Completely. Real Alex is way better than Fantasy Ellie every day of the week." He paused to take a deep breath and let it out. "Dude, I love her. I'm in deep for the long haul."
A huge smile broke across Chuck's face. "That's great, Morgs. Ellie will be so relieved." His friend's grin matched his own. He didn't let on that he and Ellie had already had a conversation about this very topic.
"No doubt," Morgan admitted sheepishly. "Do you think I should tell her that it's over?"
"No! Better to let sleeping dogs lie. Stay focused on Alex. She's the girl for you."
"I hope so, dude. I really do."
"It'll be fine. Take it from a clueless guy when it comes to these things."
Morgan snorted, reaching out to pat his friend on the shoulder. "Somehow that doesn't make it better. And it does. At the same time. Weird?" He laughed again.
"Yeah, weird," Chuck chuckled along with his oldest friend.
Wow! Things were changing, he thought. Morgan is really growing up. Finally. And so am I. Good thing. So, where do I live? Stay in the dorm? Get an apartment? Near campus or further away? Get a new roommate or live on my own? Should I buy a house, where I can spread out a lot more? Sarah is living with Carina and Zondra over the summer and they've signed a lease to keep their apartment for the entire year. His musings were interrupted when his friend got his attention.
"What's going on with you and summer ball, Chuck?" his friend asked. "Are you still going to the Cape?"
"I don't know, to be honest," he was startled by the question. "I hadn't really thought about it too much since I woke up in the hospital. A lot of other stuff going on, you know?"
"You got that right," the catcher nodded. "When will they make a decision, do you think?"
"No idea, but it can't be too far off in the future," Chuck shrugged. "I guess it'll depend on how well I'm healing and how my workouts go with Coach Casey and Coach Bradbury this week. I've already paid the room and board fee for the summer, so that isn't an issue. It was due by today and I had to take care of it. There needs to be a decision by the time the tournament is over or when we get eliminated. I haven't made travel arrangement yet, that's for sure. My guess is they'll talk to me about it right after regionals are over."
"What will you do if they decide not to send you after all?"
"I don't know that, either," Chuck narrowed his eyes and frowned in confusion. "The plan all along was for me to wrap up my preliminary research by the end of this quarter and turn in my papers. Then I'd close up my lab and pack up the stuff for storage. Go off for the summer and come back in the fall to move into my bigger space in the new building." He shrugged. "The building won't be done until later in the summer, so I don't know what I'll do if I don't go to Cape Cod. The people over at the ChEM-H / Neuro research complex want their research space back. I can't blame them for that."
"Have you told any of this to Sarah?"
"No, not really. Well, besides talking about summer ball in general terms a while ago. She knows that I'm closing up my lab at the end of the quarter and the new building isn't ready yet. Beyond that, nothing. Like I said, I've been concentrating on getting back to normal as quickly as I can."
"I hear ya, my dude," Morgan nodded. "But you need to talk to her at some point. Like soon."
"Yeah, I do," Chuck agreed. "Have you and Alex talked about you going to Alaska?"
"For sure, bro," his friend confessed. "She's not happy about it, but she told me that she trusts me, so I'm good on that front. She knows that I'll be gaining valuable experience and professional scouts will be watching. Not sure I'm good enough for the pros, but if I don't try, no one will give me a shot down the road. It'll be tough to be so far apart for all those weeks. That part I'm not looking forward to at all."
"You've got that right," Chuck nodded, thinking about his own situation. Go or stay? What would he do if he stayed? On the other hand, could he bear to be apart from Sarah for that long? He didn't know the answer to any of those questions and he didn't know what to do. Being uncertain about his plans was a new feeling for him, one he hadn't really experienced before. What would Sarah say? They really needed to talk. About a lot of things.
As it turned out, Chuck's plan to talk to Sarah didn't survive the first few minutes of his and Morgan's arrival at the Songbirds tables.
"I've got news!" Sarah exclaimed as they ended their kiss. "I hope you don't have plans for right after dinner."
"Well, I might," Chuck began, but seeing Sarah's expression begin to change, he hurried on. "But I can change them. Postpone them at least." He'd really wanted to take a walk with her so they could talk some things over. That would have to wait, especially since his acquiescing returned the smile to her face.
"Good. I'm glad, sweetie," she said happily. "Dr. Beckman asked all of the Songbirds and their significant others to stay for a group meeting after dinner tonight." She giggled when Chuck's eyebrows went up and he pointed to his chest as she was speaking. "Yes, you goof. You're my significant other."
"Take it, dude," Morgan said grumpily. "Alex just called me her 'plus one'". His girlfriend smacked his shoulder, laughing.
"I'm just wondering what kind of significant other I am, that's all," Chuck shrugged. "You know, 'significant other BLANK'." Carina began to open her mouth. Sarah was quicker and pointed her finger at her friend.
"Keep it to yourself, Red," she ordered sternly.
"Damn, Walker. You're so mean to be confining me like that," the redhead pouted.
"Yeah, well do us all a favor and confine your comments to the recesses of your brain."
"You just don't want to have to observe my brilliant social commentary."
"You've got that right." Sarah replied when she heard Chuck heave a sigh. Turning her head to regard him, she asked, "What's wrong, baby?"
"I still don't know what kind of other I am!" He whined exaggeratedly. Sarah knew he was faking; she saw his eyes dancing.
"Significant otherworldly," Zondra snarked. "Like you're an alien, Curls." Sarah narrowed her eyes at her friend. Chuck just laughed.
"I'll take it. Sorry, Zondra. That's not the tease or insult you think it is. I'm a nerd."
"Why do I even bother?" the brunette groused.
"See? Now you know what I've been dealing with all year," Carina loudly complained. That got the table laughing.
Dr. Beckman arrived, with Dr. Montgomery in tow, just after Chuck and Sarah returned to their table, having thrown out their trash and cleared away their plates. The professor looked at her singers and their friends, smiling at the expectant looks on everyone's faces.
"I'm glad all of you managed to make time to stay after dinner today. And bring along your friends, as well." A number of the girls giggled at her emphasis on 'friends'. "I definitely appreciate the fact that the quarter is coming to a close and a lot of you have papers and projects coming due that need your attention, so I'll keep this short. If you all will follow me, we'll get this show on the road."
The diminutive doctor raised both arms, indicating she wanted the group to stand. As she turned away, Beckman motioned for her charges and their friends to follow her. It was instantly apparent that the advisor was making a beeline for one of the small satellite dining rooms that were adjacent to the main hall, which were usually reserved for faculty or special events. As they got closer to their destination, Sarah noticed one of the dining staff, she thought his name was Bruce, exiting the room.
"Did you see Bruce leaving the room we're headed toward?" she quietly asked Chuck.
"Yeah, I saw that. I wonder what he was doing in there?"
"No idea." Sarah shook her head.
They didn't have long to wait to find out. When they entered the room, a banner hung on the wall announcing 'Congratulations Songbirds – ICCA National Champions!'. Arrayed on a table under the banner were cheesecakes and a variety of toppings, already sliced and ready for serving. A rolling cart was just to the left stacked with plates and a container filled with forks. Coffee, tea, and other drinks were waiting on another table off to the side.
"What is all this?" Sarah turned and asked Beckman.
"Does anybody remember the cooler that went on the bus when we were coming back from New York?" Dr. Beckman asked, looking around at the assembled group. A number of the girls looked uncertain, glancing at Chuck to gauge his reaction. He began to frown when he realized what the advisor was referring to, until Sarah squeezed his hand and whispered to him.
"It's OK, baby," she said softly. "No one blames you for what happened." Chuck sighed and nodded, his face clearing a little.
Recognizing the awkwardness of the situation, the advisor hurried on. "I'd made plans for a celebration once we'd gotten back to the hotel, using Sarah's comment about cheesecake during her pep talk as inspiration. Chuck's getting injured reset our priorities and the celebration was put on hold. You're more important than any party, Chuck." She looked at him, smiling apologetically. Sarah squeezed his hand again. A number of the girls were nodding their heads in agreement with Dr. Beckman's statement. She continued, "Put on hold until tonight, that is. The cooler has been in the freezer, here at Lakeside, since we got back. The staff thawed them out and got everything ready. It's time we celebrated the Songbird's hard work and your resulting victory." Now, the advisor smiled. Catching Chuck's eye, her smile widened. "This celebration will be even more special because Chuck and many of your friends will be able to take part. That wouldn't have been the case in New York. Where would we be without the group's mascot?" Chuck made a face and shook his head at the good-natured ribbing. Several of the singers giggled. "That's why we can also celebrate Chuck's return to us and all of the hard work this group, this family, put in to aid him in his recovery. That gives us two victories to celebrate." She waved her arm in the table's direction.
The singers were all smiles as they advanced on the cheesecakes on display, talking excitedly. Everyone paused when they heard Dr. Beckman clear her throat.
"Enjoy yourselves," she called. Seeing Chuck and Morgan, her expression grew serious and she gave them an intense look. "Chuck and Morgan, remember moderation in all things. Especially since you have playoff games coming up. Don't overindulge. We wouldn't want you to be too sluggish for the tournament." The older woman was smiling, but Chuck thought her eyes seemed a little wild. Both men nodded to show that they would follow her advice.
"I really do think Dr. Beckman is more fanatic than fan, Sarah," he said softly. Sarah grinned and snorted.
"Hardly," she scoffed. "I mean, she doesn't even get up and dance during the games. I yell louder than she does."
"Babe, you yell louder than all of the other fans," Chuck laughingly informed her.
"You seem to be trying to make a point there, Mr. Bartowski, but you're not doing a very good job," Sarah responded with a faux warning look in her eye.
"Nope, no point at all. Just me rambling on about nothing. Forget about it. Nothing important," he grinned, proving he'd learned a lot since the fall. She giggled at the funny look on his face.
"Beckman just scares me," Morgan piped up with a shiver. Alex gave him an understanding pout along with a side hug accompanied by Chuck and Sarah's chuckling.
The bearded man's mood took a turn for the better once it was their turn to take a piece of cheesecake and select toppings. Alex, Chuck, and Sarah all went for the fresh strawberries. Morgan, being Morgan, also chose the strawberries, but opted to add a good dose of chocolate sauce, as well. Alex, being Alex, stole one of his chocolate covered strawberries as soon as they sat down with their treats.
"Hey!" Morgan objected, his face drawing down in a scowl.
"Don't worry. I'll make it up to you. Promise," Alex smirked. Morgan grinned and blushed. Chuck and Sarah exchanged a look.
Chuck took a bite of his cheesecake and hummed. "New York cheesecake is so good." Sarah nodded her head, agreeing with him, as she took a bite of her own treat.
"You said it, honey. Looks like more running for me tomorrow. And that's on top of the extra running I had to do today to work off last night's dietary sins." She was grinning as she said it, so Chuck knew she wasn't really bothered by the extra exercise.
"You don't seem very upset, Sarah," he said, curious.
"Maybe a little, but not enough to stop eating this yummy cheesecake," Sarah grinned, licking her fork clean. Chuck chuckled, but couldn't disagree. The dessert really was wonderful.
The four friends enjoyed their hard-earned, but unexpected, rewards. Chatting and sipping coffee while enjoying delectable bites. Afterwards, Chuck and Sarah were making their second visit for the night to the trash cans to discard their trash when he asked her a question.
"Do you have time to take a walk with me?"
"Always, Chuck," Sarah smiled, taking his hand. Waving to their friends, they said their goodbyes. After thanking Dr. Beckman for the nice surprise, the pair set off.
Chuck hadn't said very much since they started walking their familiar path. Sarah had hesitated to say anything because she could tell he was thinking hard about something. It was written all over his face. Not willing to wait for him to break the silence, she squeezed his hand to get his attention. After a long minute, she finally caught his eye.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Sarah asked with a crooked smile.
Chuck ducked his head and blushed, a sheepish expression on his face. "Sorry. Sorry, Sarah. There's … ah … a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about and I was trying to get my thoughts in order before I said anything." He shrugged. "Plus, I'm not sure which thing to talk about first."
"Why not just pick one topic and go from there? Will that work?" She replied, encouragingly.
"Yeah, I guess," he admitted, then snorted, shaking his head. "I'm so bad at this."
"Bad at what?" Sarah was genuinely confused now.
"Talking about stuff," Chuck answered. She pulled her head back in surprise.
"Since when? You've been talking to me about everything ever since our first walk together. Before then even."
He nodded acknowledging her point. "OK, maybe not talking about stuff." He paused, struggling with how to frame what he was thinking. "It's more about talking and deciding what I want to do. Figuring out a course of action."
"Really? You make decisions all of the time. You figure stuff out faster and better than anyone I know. I've seen you working in your lab."
"I'm not talking about that stuff," Chuck shrugged.
"OK, what are you talking about then? I'm confused," Sarah looked at her boyfriend wide-eyed.
He let out a frustrated huff. "I haven't had to make many decisions about my life before. None, when I really think about it." Chuck could tell that she was still confused. "Besides deciding what subjects to study or what my research was going to be, my life was pretty much laid out. Go to this school. Then go to that school. Live with this host family. Pretty straight forward. There haven't been a lot of choices that I've had to make. Conflicting choices, I mean. Or, I guess, equal choices, too."
OK, now we're getting somewhere, Sarah thought. "What choices are you faced with that you're worried about?"
"Well, the first thing is Morgan. He told me after practice today, right before we came down to dinner, that he and Alex are thinking about moving in together next year."
"What?" She exclaimed. "Does Coach Casey know?" She couldn't help smirking at the thought of the couple having to tell the taciturn former Marine.
Chuck giggled. "No, Coach Casey doesn't know, yet, but they have talked to Alex's mom and Morgan says she's OK with it."
"Hoo boy," Sarah whistled. "That'll be some discussion." Chuck nodded. "Where are they thinking about applying to live?"
"A few places. Including Ellie's complex."
Sarah's eyes grew wide again. "Ellie's complex? Isn't that going to be an issue? I remember what you told me before about his crush on her. How she hated it." Chuck was nodding.
"Yeah, we talked about that. Specifically. He claims that it's all over. He's over Ellie. He even told me that he's in love with Alex," Chuck said. He pressed his lips together and gave Sarah a wide-eyed look of his own.
"Really? That's something. It's a pretty big step for him to realize that and admit it," she nodded. Then she pursed her lips and tilted her head as she thought about what Chuck had just told her. "Makes sense though. They've been together forever. And they've been running off to be alone from the very beginning. I can't say I'm all that surprised." Then it hit her. "Oh! Wait. What about you? What are you going to do? Where are you going to live if Morgan is living with Alex? Who would you room with?"
"That's just it. I don't know," Chuck threw his hands in the air. "I'm not really close enough friends with anyone to want to room with them. That means a single place. Do I apply for a single room in the dorm? I'm a grad student, so should I get an apartment? Buy a house?"
"Buy a house? Really? You'd do that?" Sarah said incredulously.
"I don't know. Maybe? Who knows?" He shrugged. "I've got to figure something out and I don't have a lot of time to do it."
"Why? What's the rush?"
"That's the other thing I'm trying to figure out," Chuck replied hesitantly.
"What?"
"What do I do this summer, Sarah?" He waved his hands in the air again. "The original plan, from way back in the fall, was for me to go play in the Cape Cod League this summer. I was going to wrap up my work and shut it all down and go play ball." He paused. "Now I don't know."
Sarah was taken by surprise. She'd not thought about Chuck going away all summer. He'd mentioned it a long time ago, but the subject hadn't come up once he got hurt. All of everyone's focus was on getting him to wake up and, then, to recover. She didn't know how she felt about any of it. Him being so far away. For all of that time. Playing baseball again. Possibly getting hurt.
"You still want to go?" She asked hesitantly.
"I don't know," he snorted. "The coaches haven't told me whether they still want me to go or not. Whether I'll even be able to play yet. Everything is moving along like I am still going, though." Chuck looked at her, squeezing her hand.
"How were things at practice today? That's a good place to start, isn't it?" Sarah asked.
"Yeah, it is," he nodded. "Things were great, actually. I started throwing again. You know, long tossing. Some flat ground throwing, as well. Nothing full speed or anything close to it, but it's a start."
"How did it go? Are you feeling alright?" She squeezed his hand.
"I feel fine. The throwing was … fine. No problems. It felt so good to be back out there doing something. Almost like everything was normal," he admitted.
"I'm glad, sweetie. Every day, everything you do is a step toward getting you back to being one hundred percent healed," she said. Chuck nodded. "That's baseball. How are things on the research front?"
"I'm finishing with my preliminary write-ups and they should be done by June 5th, at the latest. That's the final due date for students to turn in their theses and dissertations. After that, I pack up my projects and equipment, so I can give the neuro people their space back. My space in the new building won't be ready for a couple of months. My stuff has to go into storage …" His voice trailed off and he broke eye contact, looking down.
"So, there's nothing you'll be able to work on this summer." It was a statement, not a question. "If you do stay."
"Yeah, basically," Chuck frowned.
"Then you should go, if they let you," Sarah swallowed the lump in her throat.
"That's just it! I'm not sure I want to go now." He thrust his arms out in front of himself.
"Why?" She thought she knew, but, suddenly, she needed to hear him say it.
Chuck's eyes grew soft and he took her hand again. "Because of you, Sarah. Because of you," he smiled her special smile. "I love you and I don't know if I can survive even a single day away from you. Much less the whole summer."
"Oh, baby, you don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that," she beamed. Throwing her arms around his shoulders, she pulled him into a deep kiss. When their lips parted, breathlessly, she looked up at him. "I don't know what I'd do without you for the whole summer either."
"So, what do I do?" he asked. "I've wanted to go play at the Cape since I was old enough to know what an honor it was to be asked. Or chosen. Whatever." He shook his head slightly. "But I don't want to leave you. And if I stay, what will I do? There's no place for me to do any work. On top of that, where will I live?"
Sarah blew out a breath. "Yeah. You've got a lot to think about. Important things to decide."
"That's what I was trying to say before. Badly. Two conflicting choices. Both are things I want to do. Another one of my 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' situations. I don't want to decide anything without talking to you about it, either."
"I appreciate you considering me and my input, Chuck," Sarah smiled, squeezing his hand. "OK, let's talk about the pros and cons of each choice."
"It was all clear before you came along," he pretended to pout.
"Not sorry," she retorted, tilting her chin up and looking off into the distance. Seeing his expression out of the corner of her eye, she went on. "Still not sorry." She snickered.
Chuck giggled and shook his head. "Fine. Let's talk about the pros and cons." She grinned back at him.
"What do you want to talk about first? Where are you going to live next year or leaving me alone while you go off to play baseball with a bunch of sexy girls in bikinis all summer?" Sarah asked him innocently.
Startled by the question and its tone, Chuck just stared wide-eyed at her with his mouth hanging open. When she started laughing at his expression, he realized she'd gotten him again.
"Nice. So nice," he deadpanned. When Sarah kept laughing, he retaliated by sticking his lower lip out in an exaggerated pout.
"Sorry, Chuck," Sarah gasped, wiping her eyes. "That was mean of me, but I couldn't stop myself." She shrugged sheepishly.
Chuck smiled. "You know that I'm totally dedicated to one sexy girl in a bikini, Sarah. And that's you. No one else even gets a second of my attention."
"Now you're just trying to make me feel bad," she frowned, looking contrite. Chuck quickly pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead.
"That wasn't my intention, at all, baby. In fact, I was trying to make you feel good. I was trying to allay any fears you might have about other girls if I go to Massachusetts." He rubbed her back. "Remember when I told you about not watching adult movies or going to those types of websites?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, the same thing goes with other girls. I can talk to girls and be friends with them, but I couldn't ever do more than that. Besides, you're the woman I'm in love with. Nothing is going to change that," Chuck shrugged. Sarah stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.
"Thanks, sweetie. I guess I needed to hear you say that." Sarah blew out a breath. "OK. So, that's one con that we can take off the list. What are some other pros and cons?"
"Uh … sure … sure. Let's see." Chuck scratched his chin. "I've kind of dreamed about playing on the Cape for a while now, so I guess that's a pro? A con would be that I'm away from you for a good part of the summer."
"Good. What else?"
"I'll have packed up my stuff for the summer, so there's nothing for me to do if I stay. That's a pro for going and a con for staying. Is that right?"
"Could be either, I guess." She paused. "Couldn't you move into a different space? For the summer, I mean."
"I could. Maybe. I don't really know. But I'd have to locate some space right away." He thought for a bit. "I'd have to talk to Dr. Loveless pretty quickly. Like tomorrow. If I was going to attempt to stay. I'd have to find some space, get unpacked and set up and then do it all again in reverse sometime in August."
"But you'd have something to do. If you stayed here."
"Yeah, I would. If I stayed here."
"Where would you live if you went to the Cape?" Sarah asked. He looked at her, surprised at the shift in focus. "Just curious," she shrugged.
"They provide host families who have players stay with them. I already had to pay the room and board fee to reserve a spot with a family. I don't know who that would be, yet. The deadline was this past weekend. I didn't have any choice," he answered apologetically.
"OK, that's a pro to go. That way you won't have wasted the money."
"The money doesn't concern me, Sarah. It wasn't all that much anyway."
"Will the coaches be upset with you if you decide not to go? Will you get in trouble?" Sarah asked, concerned.
"I don't know the answer to that. Maybe?" He shrugged again. "Keep in mind that I might not be ready to go anyway."
"That reminds me, weren't you supposed to have a follow up visit with the doctors today? It's Monday after all. Didn't they schedule the follow-ups for Mondays?"
"It got pushed back until tomorrow due to the holiday. I'll have the follow up meeting in the morning right before I meet with Dr. Dreyfus."
"Good. I'll be interested to hear what they have to say about how you're healing up."
"You and me, both," Chuck nodded.
"OK, any other pros and cons?" Sarah asked, getting them back to the issues they'd been discussing while they walked along.
"I guess another reason to go, a pro, would be that professional scouts make a point to check out the players who go to the Cape. College players with the most promise are usually sent to the Cape for a summer or two. It's a chance to play against the best players from all over the country."
"Do you want to become a pro baseball player, babe?"
"Not really sure, but by going to the Cape, I keep my options open. The real decision about playing professionally won't need to be made until I'm much closer to finishing up my graduate work."
"As much as I hate to say it," Sarah frowned slightly. "It sounds like it's easier, more straightforward, if you go back east to play for the summer."
"Yeah, you're right. It does seem that way. I guess. Maybe." He paused, again, causing Sarah to look at him. "Let me go talk to Dr. Loveless tomorrow and see if our idea about getting some space this summer is even possible on such short notice. And I'll talk to Coach Graham to get his view of where I stand on the baseball front."
"Sounds like a plan, sweetie," she smiled, wondering what he'd find out. "Now, let's talk about your choices for places to live next year. Or, possibly, this summer, if you end up staying here."
"Do we have to?" Chuck groaned and did a pretty good impression of a small child doing the whiny stomp tantrum.
"Yes, we do," Sarah replied sternly, shaking her finger at him. "Stop with the tantrum and let's talk about it."
Chuck giggled. "Too bad that there's an age limit on when you can get away with the 'whiny stomp' defense." She giggled at his antics. He sighed. "OK, I'm ready to talk about where I should live."
"Good. Pros and cons?" She ordered.
"Space. How much or how little. I need to find out how big a single dorm room is in Roble Hall and the other dorms that offer single rooms. Same goes for the apartments you get through Stanford."
"Lack of privacy and the general noise in the dorms is a con in my view. I've lived in them for four years, you know."
"Right, you have. And you're right about the noise and the lack of privacy. Especially in the bathrooms down the hall. The showers they have in there."
"Yup," Sarah nodded in agreement. "What about a house, like you were talking about?"
"Size, location, distance from campus, and price."
"Anything around here is going to cost a fortune, Chuck. Can you afford to do that? Why a house anyway?" She wondered.
"More space. A lot more privacy. I'd be in control of it instead of the university."
"But the cost. …" She pressed.
"That's not an issue, Sarah. CIB is doing very well. If I was only interested in money, I could have stayed home and just worked there. Forget about school entirely. But I wanted more than that. I wanted to finish my education. Finish what I started all those years ago. Make all of the sadness and separation I've had in my life mean something. I want a life. As normal as possible. Friends. You. Especially you," he smiled at her appreciatively. "I'd have gotten none of that if I'd stayed home. I'd have missed out on all of the wonderful things that happened to me this year if I'd not come to Stanford."
"You wouldn't have gotten hurt, either," Sarah retorted with a frown.
"But I wouldn't have met and fallen in love with you. I'd do it all over again, including getting hurt, if it meant I found you again, too."
"Oh, Chuck," Sarah breathed, tears in her eyes. Hearing him say he'd risk his terrible injury all over again just for a chance to be with her, left her stunned. Throwing herself at him, she pulled him into a kiss, fierce and soft all at once. When she ran her fingers into his short hair, he hummed. As they parted, she looked into his eyes.
"Look at all of it, baby. Dorm rooms. Apartments. Even houses. Focus on privacy and places that block out the noise," she told him earnestly. I've got plans for us and I don't want anyone to hear when I put them into action.
"Looks like I'll be making some phone calls tomorrow," Chuck said, grinning when Sarah kissed him again.
Tuesday May 28
Chuck was walking back toward Lakeside Dining to have lunch with Sarah. He'd had a busy morning. Weightlifting came first right after he and Morgan had awakened, very early. Coach Casey was most pleased with the progress he was making getting back into top shape.
"If you keep improving at this rate, Chuck, you might even be ready to throw a few pitches in anger during the playoffs," the coach had nodded in satisfaction.
"It's good to hear you say that, Coach," Chuck admitted.
"Don't get too excited," Casey warned him. "The main goal is to get you healthy and back in shape. If we can do that in time for you to play a little this year, great. If not, we'll see if you can play some on the Cape. Ultimately, we're more concerned about next season and the seasons after that."
"I understand," Chuck said. "But if there's even a tiny chance for me to play again this year, I can use that to motivate me. Whether I actually get to play or not."
"Outstanding," the conditioning coach growled enthusiastically.
His planned breakfast with Sarah followed right on the heels of his workout (and a good shower, of course). It was much more enjoyable than lifting weights, but didn't last long enough for either of them. She had to hurry to class, so they walked together part of the way. When she had to go in a different direction to get to her class, they shared a kiss before parting ways.
Chuck had quickly walked to the Dean of Engineering's office.
"Can he spare a minute for me?" he asked Dr. Loveless's administrative assistant.
"Just a minute," she smiled, picking up her phone. "Chuck Bartowski needs a minute." She listened, nodding. "Go on in."
"Chuck, this is unexpected. What can I do for you?"
"Thanks for taking the time to see me, Sir." The dean waved his hand dismissively. He always had time for his prize student. "Is there any way I can find another place to do some work this summer?" Chuck asked, chewing on his lips nervously.
"Why? Aren't you going to Cape Cod to play baseball?"
"Maybe, but maybe not. It all depends on how the coaches think I'm doing. I won't know for a little while yet. I'm asking about research space, just in case I can't go."
"I see. Unfortunately, there is no space available that is big enough to house your projects," the dean shook his head. "No one stopped to consider a change in your plans stemming from your injury."
"I understand, Sir," Chuck said, looking downcast. "I'll just have to hope that the coaches think I'm fit enough to play in the Cape. Otherwise, I'm in for an interesting summer."
"Sorry about that, son. I wish I could give you better news," the engineer apologized.
"It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. Just a messed-up situation," Chuck shrugged. "Thanks for your time, Dr. Loveless."
"It'll work out, Chuck. You'll see," the professor said, trying to cheer him up.
"I hope so, Sir. I really do," Chuck said over his shoulder as he left the office en route to his lab.
A fruitful two hours spent working in his lab and adding to his research papers preceded his follow-up appointment with his doctors and brightened up his outlook a little bit. At least he was making progress on something. He was curious what they thought after they completed their examinations.
"You're doing well, Chuck," Dr. Kurtz informed him. "The x-rays we took show that the fracture in your forehead is healing up nicely. There's clear evidence that the mesh in the burr hole is showing definite signs of new bone growth. Your bruises are well on their way to fading, too."
"Same goes for the scar from sewing your skin back together," Dr. Green added. "You've been using the cream we prescribed to lessen any scarring, correct?"
"Yes, Sir. I have," Chuck nodded.
"Good. That's good. Keep doing that," the plastic surgeon smiled.
"Will do. I really don't want a scar on my forehead that looks like a huge capital 'L'. Not if I can help it," the younger man grinned. The three doctors chuckled and nodded.
"Any issues to report to us? Anything at all?" Dr. McSparren interjected.
"No. Nothing, Doctor. I feel fine. And Dr. Dreyfus is helping me with the other stuff," Chuck reported.
"How is that going? If I may ask?"
"Great, actually. The work he's having me do on my memories is helping to make it easier for me to keep them at bay so I can stay focused on the here and now without as much effort." More nods.
"That's good, too, Chuck," Dr. Kurtz said, glancing at his watch. "We better let you go so you're not late for your session with him."
"Thank you. I appreciate it," Chuck smiled.
"Keep doing what you're doing. You're making great progress," Kurtz told him. Chuck nodded before hurrying to get to his meeting on time.
The session with Dr. Dreyfus hadn't been the best one he'd had, but it hadn't been the worst one, either. They'd spent part of the time working through some of his memories and the rest of their time together they'd focused on Chuck's feelings for Sarah and, finally, his intimacy concerns.
"Chuck, I can't tell you what will happen to you the first time you're intimate with Sarah. Besides the normal responses. No one can," Dreyfus told him.
"How will I ever know? How will I ever be able to be with Sarah that way?" Chuck fretted. The psychiatrist pursed his lips, tapping his pen on his tablet, while he considered the questions he'd been asked.
"What I can tell you is look at your past experiences with Sarah. Think about what your concerns were from last fall and how the two of you dealt with them. What happened when you tried each … activity? Let those events be your guide."
"But sex is that much more intense, isn't it, Doctor? How will I know that it's safe, I guess?"
"Yes, sex is more intense, Chuck. And your question is a valid one. Since our time is about up, I want you to think about something for our session tomorrow."
"Sir?"
"I want you to think back to every moment you've been with Sarah. Focus on those moments that you lost yourself, even for a second. Those moments where your mind wasn't in control but your emotions were. When your body was in control. Think about what you felt just before those particular moments. Then during them. Then after them."
"OK. I can do that. No problem," Chuck nodded.
"Good," Dr. Dreyfus said, standing. "We'll talk tomorrow."
Coming back to the present, Chuck could see that he had almost reached the dining hall where Sarah was waiting on him. That reminded him of their conversation from the previous evening about where he was going to live. The dorms and the Stanford affiliated apartments were easy to investigate, but houses were a different matter. Who did he know in Palo Alto who could give me some advice about real estate agents? That question brought his thoughts back to Sarah.
Chuck knew that she was bothered by the idea of him going away all summer. He was too, if he was being honest. He'd missed her like crazy during the holidays as it was. Being alone again after all this time wasn't something he was looking forward to, but after talking with Dr. Loveless, there didn't seem to be much other choice. He couldn't take away the hurt if he did go to Cape Cod, but maybe there was something he could do to lessen the sting?
Giving the problem some thought, he had some ideas. Pulling out his phone, he sent a short, but heartfelt text. Then he brought up his contact list and looked for a specific name. Pressing the call button, he waited for it to connect, holding his breath.
"Please pick up. Please pick up", he whispered to himself. When the call went through, he smiled.
"Mrs. Graham?"
"Yes," Anna Graham answered.
"Chuck Bartowski."
"Yes, Chuck. I can see that," she smiled into the phone.
"'Course, you can." He chuckled.
"What can I do for you?"
"I've got a couple of questions, if you have a few minutes?" He asked hopefully.
A/N2: Chapter title comes from the song by David Bowie. Seems like a good choice, given the changes Chuck has experienced and is still experiencing in his life this year.
A/N3: Morgan called Casey Coach Devil Dog because Devil Dog is a nickname for the U.S. Marines. According to United States Marine Corps legend, the nickname was used by German soldiers to describe the U.S. Marines who fought in the Battle of Belleau Wood in 1918. The Marines fought with such ferocity that they were likened to "Dogs from Hell." The reports were made by the American press and not verified by any actual Germans.
A/N4: WillieGarvin does a great job changing my scribbling into something worthwhile. You rock, my friend.
A/N5: Thank you for reading. Please drop me a PM or leave a review. Let me know what you think. For those of you who have left reviews or PMs previously, thank you. I appreciate each and every one of them. Thank you to everyone who's followed or favorited this story, too. Your support means a lot to me.
A/N6: If you enjoy Chuck fan fiction here on the fanfic site, go over to Facebook and join the Chuck Fanfiction group that's there. You'll find nice folks who share your interest in our favorite spy couple. You are not alone.