152.
Sarah always made every attempt to adjust her schedule so that her Wednesday afternoons were free for Noah. However, since the return of normalcy, the entire financial world had been on a rollercoaster and it was challenging for her to take a lunch break let alone duck out early to hang out with her seven-year-old brother. She raced through her morning, sat impatiently in an early afternoon meeting, and just when she thought she would be clear for the two-forty-five pickup, her boss called her into his office.
"Dammit." She peered at the antique analog desk clock. If he could make it quick, she'd still have plenty of time to make it uptown. If not, she'd be stuck in his office and unable to call anyone. Oh! She thought. Maybe G was at Noah's school and could wait with him. She found G's contact info in her phone and waited impatiently for her to answer.
Right before Sarah resorted to having to call Olivia or Ed and cancel the date altogether, G said "hello" in a sleepy, half-slurred voice.
Pressed for time, Sarah spoke quickly and barely paused to take a breath. "Hey, G, are you by any chance at Noah's school? I might be a few minutes late getting him so if you could possibly wait there with him until-"
"-I'm not at work today," G said flatly.
"Oh, okay, Everyth-" Sarah heard dead silence and peered at the screen. Call ended. "Omigod," she muttered, "She fucking hung up on me? Are you fucking kid-shit-" She fired a text to Ed and Olivia telling them about her situation and suggested she get Noah from their apartment instead. Olivia responded first and okayed the plan.
Sarah stalked down the corridor to her boss' office, still seething. "Ok, calm down," she mumbled to herself. After a few deep breaths she was prepared for the impromptu meeting but still incredulous that her polite neighbor had had the nerve to hang up on her.
…
If Sarah had known Olivia read and responded to her text shortly after enjoying an afternoon lovemaking session, she probably would not have minded G's behavior so much. "Who is it?" Ed had grumbled into her chest, his favorite post-coital resting spot.
"Sarah. She's having a hectic day and needs us to get Noah."
"Okay," Ed mumbled.
Olivia shivered at the sensation of his lips moving against the side of her breast. Talk of his daughter did nothing to temper his desire for his wife. He started tickling her opposite hip and she smiled. "You have a great way of making me not mind G canceled our meeting."
"What else you need me to make you not mind about? Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow doesn't bother me," Olivia said, "Noah is so excited to have Mateo over. It'll be nice for him to have a friend whose parents are-"
"-normal?"
"Yes." Deep down, Olivia was disappointed Mia's mother hadn't reached out to her about helping Mia through the loss of Tasha, her nanny.
"Well, don't get too excited," Ed grumbled, "They are from Texas."
Olivia laughed. "Ha! Right."
"But I know I've seen her before. She's gotta be an actress."
"Ah," Olivia teased, "So that's why you were so quick to invite them over."
Ed raised his chin and looked at Olivia with a pouty expression before slowly climbing on top of her and resting on his forearms. "You have such a great sense of humor, Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker." He kissed one cheek, then the other, "You're so, so funny."
Olivia rubbed his back and grinned. "She must be model gorgeous."
"You're model gorgeous."
"Mmhmm," Olivia replied sarcastically. "It's okay if you think other women are attractive."
"No," he stared into her eyes, "No, it's not. And I don't. No one can ever, ever be as beautiful as you are." He kissed her on the lips, opening his mouth wide, and let some of his weight fall onto her body. After a few minutes he moved to her neck, chest, and was at her navel when Wyatt's and Maggie's voices brought things to a groaning halt.
As independent as the twins were becoming, they still waited in their beds or, at least, their room, after a nap or a night's sleep until Noah or a parent showed up. If they grew impatient, they'd call out, knowing the monitor would help them get someone's attention.
Olivia threw her head back, took a few deep breaths, and briefly closed her eyes. Ed kissed her chin and ducked into the bathroom. Olivia heard the water and Ed moving around, and she smiled at the ceiling thinking about how lucky she was to have the chance to be a mom and also be loved so fiercely, so thoroughly, so…
"Liv?"
She'd been caught up searching for the right word and hadn't realized Ed was standing in the doorway staring at her.
"Hmm?"
"You okay?"
"Yes," she lazily turned toward the iPad and switched on the video feed. Maggie and Wyatt were in their beds playing with stuffed animals. She turned back to Ed and smiled. "I guess I better get moving."
"You don't have to."
Olivia sat up and waved him over. She grabbed his wrists and pulled him in for a kiss. "You're a good man, Ed Tucker."
He smirked proudly. Coming from her, there was no higher compliment in the entire world.
…...
Olivia tiptoed from her bedroom to the kitchen and found Ed, shirtless and wearing only a pair of navy boxers, standing in front of the stove, manning a skillet containing two grilled cheese sandwiches. Detecting her presence, he glanced over his shoulder and grinned as she came into view. "I like your shirt," he said of the white button-down he'd worn to work that day. It hung mid-thigh and the bleached whiteness of it popped against her skin.
"It was the closest thing I could find." She approached slowly and wrapped her arms around his torso.
He tilted his head back just enough so he could clumsily kiss her lips. "Wear my clothes anytime." He flipped the sizzling, golden brown sandwiches, and moved to the side, "This okay? Or you want yours done more?"
"Perfect," she dug her chin into his shoulder. "Good idea, too. I'm starving."
"You gotta remember to eat during the day, Benson."
Olivia laughed and leaned against the counter, "Says the man who subsists on coffee until it's bourbon and popcorn time at the bar? Maybe some fried rice thrown in there every once in a while?"
He turned and smirked. "You're gettin' to know me pretty well, arentcha?"
Olivia eyed him seductively, "I'd say so."
"What else you wanna know?" He slid the sandwiches on two plates and used the spatula to cut both in half before handing her one. Serious about the question, he stood across from her, took a bite, and waited.
"Oh," Olivia said mid-chew, "You really want a question?"
"Yeah I do."
"This is good by the way," she held up the partially-eaten half of the grilled cheese.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome. So. A question." Olivia's eyes drifted to the ceiling. Ed seemed to want an inquiry more comprehensive than a favorite color or dream vacation. Finally, she said, "Tell me about your wife."
"Angela?"
"Yes."
"You want the story from the beginning?"
"However you want to tell it."
Perhaps to buy time, Ed took a huge bite before telling Olivia how he'd met Angela at a nightclub where his friends dragged him one night. "It was those days," Ed explained, "When you're twenty-two, twenty-three and you can stay up all night, go to work the next day and do it all over again. But, uh, I'm not really a club guy, so I'd go, drink beer, watch. And she was there with a group of friends one of my buddies knew someone in her group. And she hated to dance. So we started talking." Ed forced a sardonic laugh, "Guess that shoulda been a clue-a relationship built on mutual distaste."
"There must have been something else," Olivia remarked in a gentle voice. After all, she'd asked Ed to relive this road that ended in heartache.
"Well, yeah," Ed replied, "She was really interesting to me. When I met her she had three different jobs, didn't know what she wanted to do. Finally she got the job at the magazine and it worked, the two of us, long, weird hours, but we had a lot in common then. A quiet life. Simple pleasures. But, ya know…"
Olivia nearly choked at the sight of Ed's eyes glistening. Was he going to cry? She hadn't intended for this to happen.
"She was getting restless. I saw it, even before Brooke and Sarah. She knew she wouldn't be at the magazine forever, it was really a dead end job and," he managed a grin, "She wasn't great at it. She was never a people person and she had to be. She got tired of pretending. And then I think she had to pretend she liked being a wife and a mother. After I got promoted, well, it was kinda downhill from there."
"I can understand struggling with marriage," Olivia said, "But...tired of being a mother?"
"Maybe it's the wrong word, pretending, but, uh, I guess," Ed took another bite, "My mother is the standard for me. And Angela? I always felt Sarah and Brooke got more love, got more...mothering...from their grandmother than their mother. I wanted them to grow up like I did, but, for a lot of reasons, that didn't happen."
"It seems like you blame yourself."
"I have to."
"Why?"
"Because I asked," he said, "I asked her to marry me. Why would I do that if I thought there was a possibility we'd split up?"
Olivia raised her eyebrows, "Rhetorical?"
"No. I don't think it is."
Clearly he'd been agonizing over the question for years. Olivia set her plate aside but didn't make a move toward him quite yet. "Ed, people change. Sometimes they change at the worst times. It's the timing that's to blame, not the person. And it's certainly not the person who I'm sure made an extensively thought-out choice to propose." Now she stepped toward him and held her hands out for his. "But time can be our friend," she said, "Look at us. Eating grilled cheese sandwiches in my kitchen-"
"- and you wearing my shirt."
"And me wearing your shirt."
He put his arms around her and clasped his hands at the small of her back. "I'm glad you gave me a chance, Liv," he said softly.
Having had enough of serious conversation for the evening, she grinned and replied, "Well, who am I to deny a chance to someone who can make such a mean grilled cheese?" She kissed him and jerked her head toward the bedroom, "C'mon. We both deserve some sleep."
…
Sarah did end up getting to Noah's school on time, so she and Noah walked for a while with the entire family before embarking out on their own. The next day was the last of Noah's school week, and, with ten free days ahead of him, he was in an even more cheerful mood than usual. Sarah fed off his energy and agreed to whatever he wanted to do. They walked through the southern part of Central Park and took pictures of the buildings bathed in burnt orange light as the sun set. For once, there were no construction cranes boorishly spoiling the skyline's majesty. Noah wanted to examine his photos, but Sarah suggested they not waste daylight.
"Good point, Sare Bear," he said, "Let's go swing."
He sounded so grown up Sarah almost burst into tears. She took his outstretched hand and half-skipped along with him to the nearest playground. They stayed near the Tucker home and ate dinner at the familiar corner pub. Sarah installed a collage app on Noah's phone and then had to remind him to eat his cheeseburger and tater tots when the food arrived. She dropped him off at home and apologized for sparking the new photography app obsession. When she got home there was a note taped to the door.
So sorry for earlier, it read, talk to you later. -G.
"Hmph," Sarah grunted, "A note. How nineties." She went inside, changed clothes, and vented to Justin who, as usual, patiently listened until it was his turn to weigh in. He agreed the hang-up was completely out of character for G, and, knowing this, concluded there must be something very bad going on to make her behave that way. Either his words or the vodka tonic she'd downed softened her stance, and she decided to go see if G was home.
"Be nice," Justin called to her.
"Yeah, yeah, I will," Sarah said, grinning and giggling, "Omigod." She took the stairs to G's apartment, knocked lightly, and stared directly at the peephole. To her surprise, G answered right away.
"Hi," she said meekly.
"I got the note," Sarah said, "Um, thanks. Are you...do you want to talk?"
"Sure," G opened the door wider.
"Shit," Sarah said, "I didn't bring anything to drink. Let me-"
"I have some gin," G offered, "Nothing really to mix it with, but, oh, well, there's sprite."
"Love it," Sarah said. She followed her neighbor inside and helped herself to a generous portion of the barely-touched bottle of Brooklyn Gin. "Want to sit on the balcony? It's so gorgeous out still."
"Okay."
Outside, the sounds of the city took away the pressure of having to engage in constant conversation, but Sarah immediately remarked how quiet the city still seemed, even weeks after the pandemic was officially declared contained.
"It's easy to get flashbacks of how eerie it was when no one was out," G said in agreement. A minute or so passed. The ice clinking in Sarah's glass joined the blaring horns below and sirens in the distance. Finally, she gathered the courage for an apology. "Look, Sarah, I am so sorry about earlier. I-"
"It's okay," Sarah said with a wave, "I get it."
"No, I don't think you do."
"What don't I get?"
G took such a deep breath her belly visibly expanded, "I didn't go to work today because I had so much anxiety I could barely get out of my bed to go to the bathroom when I woke up. And it didn't get better. When you called...I'd just woken up from a nap, I can't believe I fell asleep, but I'd had some Xanax, and, well, I wasn't all there. I couldn't talk to anyone."
After taking a few seconds, Sarah asked, "Are you okay?"
"No," G said, "I'm not. Most of the time I am, but it's been bad lately. For, well, a few different reasons, at least I think I know why. But sometimes I don't. Sometimes everything is perfectly great and then I'm just...crippled, I can't breathe right-"
"-My sister," Sarah interjected softly, "Same thing. I...I-"
"-you can't understand," G said, "And I wouldn't want you to. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But, I think, part of it, ugh…"
Sarah tucked one leg under her body and tried to appear as sympathetic as she felt, "What? It's okay. You can tell me. I'll keep it between the two of us."
G snickered, "You're speaking too soon."
"I'll keep it between the two of us unless it involves someone's safety," Sarah said. "I promise."
"Even if it's about Olivia and your Dad?"
"Even if it's about them," Sarah narrowed her eyes and wondered what in the hell could possibly have happened between the three of them that made G spend an entire day in bed gobbling pills.
"The other night," G began slowly, "I, uh-"
Sarah's face contorted. It was clearly painful for G to reveal whatever information she had bottled up within.
"-I went into their room. It was...ugh, just like you said-"
"-a fucking mess."
"Yes," G answered definitively, "But also so...comfortable and safe, so...tranquil, it was like, I could literally feel the love in that room. And I got carried away. I looked at all of the pictures. I peeked in drawers. And I feel so guilty and also like they know."
"They don't know," Sarah replied with all the confidence in the world. "They've never called me out on snooping, and I'm sure my Dad would much rather confront me, his dear old daughter than you."
G didn't exactly agree with G's logic, but she screwed up her face and asked another question, "You've looked in their drawers?"
"Of course," Sarah was matter-of-fact and unabashed at the admission. G was staring blankly, shocked. "Oh, come on! You can't really think I haven't examined every inch of that room! What bourbon is in my Dad's nightstand? Peach? Ginger spice?"
"Maple spiced," G mumbled hesitantly, "And some kind of chocolate thing."
"Ah, that's been there forever. They must either not like it or keep it around for very special occasions," Sarah shifted her weight to the edge of her chair, rested her elbows on her knees, and held the glass with both hands, "Don't get me wrong. Dad and Livvie would probably be mortified if they knew we know they have an amazing, kinda kinky sex life, well, I already know it, I mean they're all over each other-never mind-my point is, you didn't do that bad of a thing. It's not like you set up a camera or something, wait, did you?"
"NO!"
Sarah giggled. "Let me tell you, everyone is curious about them. Who wouldn't be?"
Relaxing a bit, G sighed, "What is it about them?"
"Honey," Sarah said, "I've spent the past four years trying to put my finger on that one. Saying they're so in love is too simple. There's more to it. Not even Justin can describe it, but he sees it too, and, no, he has not been in their bedroom, well, only once that I know of, when Noey gave him a tour of the apartment."
"Maybe I should just tell Olivia."
Sarah shrugged. "I haven't even told them I know what's in that drawer. You probably need to babysit again, stay the hell away from the room, and you'll be fine. It's like the first time a raging alcoholic goes into a bar and orders a diet coke after being sober forever. You'll be proud of yourself for resisting the temptation. So, I'll do you a solid and say I'm busy the next time they need someone to watch the kids."
"Well, I'll be seeing Olivia soon. I was supposed to meet with her today."
"Hurry up and reschedule," Sarah advised, "I think they're going to the beach house next week. Hmmm," she chewed a hangnail, "I wonder if they have a sex drawer there…"
…
"Mom, this hotel is too much." Maggie walked slowly around the suite and paused in front of the windows that overlooked the Pacific Ocean. The breeze drifted in and she closed her eyes, savoring the salty air, the lavender and verbena scent of the room, and the west coast vibes she would occasionally miss but never quite came to love. "We could've stayed at my apartment."
"On what?" Olivia asked, "The floor?"
"I have an air mattress. It's one of those for camping. It inflates really fast."
Maggie was joking but Olivia pretended to take her seriously. "I think this place is better, don't you?"
"Yes. Wayyy better."
From their room, one could see the pool below, the beach, and the Santa Monica Pier in the distance. Maggie couldn't wait until the sun set to see the lights of the pier juxtaposed with the area's natural beauty. She'd lived in the area for five years and spent a lot of time in the sand and surf, but there was something special about seeing everything from the confines of the historic hotel room.
"I'm glad it's just the two of us for a couple of days," Maggie said. "Do you want to go to the pool for a little while?"
After a lifetime of hearing and seeing horror stories of daughters balking at spending a few hours with their mothers, Olivia was beyond thrilled to hear Maggie suggest a pool date and reveal she valued this time together as much as her mother. Olivia shouldn't have been surprised, for she and Maggie had always been close. However, it was different from her relationship with her sons. Noah and Wyatt would willingly sit and confide in Olivia for hours. They would seek her out. Maggie had always been good for any type of outing and she was outspoken, but, it was always rare for her to lay bare the true depths of her feelings to anyone, even her mother. Olivia understood, and, eventually, Maggie always came around, but there was special meaning in Maggie actually verbalizing she was grateful for some mother-daughter bonding time.
"Sure," Olivia said, "I am a little hungry. Does it look like they serve food down there?"
"Yup," Maggie said. "I see very fancily dressed waiters."
Olivia flew into Los Angeles ahead of Ed, who, months ago, committed to helping Noah move back to New York from Washington, D.C. Coincidentally, his lease expired on the same day as Maggie's. Both he and Olivia had planned to come to California to help Maggie pack and bring her back east and they didn't notice the conflict until the dates drew near. Ed sweet talked the airline into issuing a credit for his unused ticket and Olivia secretly wasn't all that upset about having her daughter all to herself for forty-eight hours.
"Good," Olivia said, "I need a snack of some sort. You can pick where we eat dinner."
"Mom! You're the guest. You should choose!"
"You're a local."
"Hardly. I don't actually live here here."
"I bet you know a few good spots," Olivia patted Maggie's cheek and went to pluck her bathing suit from her small suitcase, "You can give me some options at the pool."
"Okay," Maggie said, "Maybe we should get sushi since Dad's not here to complain."
"Very good idea."
"He likes everything else," Maggie said, "I don't get it. He won't even try it."
"There's something about male cops and sushi," Olivia said, "They'll eat a rare steak but not raw fish. I've seen it more than once."
Maggie raised her eyebrows, "How many male cops have you known that well, Mom?"
Olivia chuckled. "Not that many." She winked at Maggie and disappeared behind the bathroom door.
"I'm going to get to the bottom of this!" Maggie insisted. "I'm relentless!"
"Yes, honey!" Olivia called back, "It's one of your very best qualities!"
…..
Mateo's parents were exceptionally easy to entertain. They were pleasant, had good senses of humor, and, like Ed and Olivia, were thrilled to meet a down-to-earth couple. On the initial call, Olivia and Rebecca agreed to simply order pizza and pasta. It took the pressure off of anyone to cook, and Rebecca insisted she and her husband and children were eager to get a taste of the vaunted New York City pies. Since he was certain Rebecca was quietly famous, Ed was shocked when her husband, Tim, mentioned they had never traveled farther north and east than St. Louis. It was also revealed after less than an hour's worth of conversation that Mateo's older brother was a half-brother, Tim's son from his first marriage. Their lives had a few loose parallels, but that didn't explain why Ed was so certain he recognized Rebecca.
Mateo's sister was almost exactly a year older than the twins. She clung to her father at first, but soon joined Maggie and Wyatt among their mounds of toys. Prior to their arrival, Noah completely dismantled his train set so that he and his new friend could start a track from scratch. They barely said a word to the adults the entire evening.
They were having a great time exchanging parental anecdotes over wine and beer, and it was only when Wyatt started reeling from exhaustion that they realized it was after ten p.m. and time to say their goodbyes for the evening.
"This one," Olivia cooed, sweeping Wyatt into her arms, "Will always let us know it's bedtime."
"Sorry to overstay our welcome," Tim said.
"You did not overstay anything," Olivia said.
"Yeah," Ed added, "We'll have to do it again soon. Maybe after the break?"
"We'll have you over to our apartment," Rebecca said, "We'll be more settled then. She stood close enough to Olivia to smooth Wyatt's hair, "Bello," she said in an Italian accent much thicker than she'd previously used.
The color drained from Ed's face. Was it the accent? The little hitch in the last syllable when her voice rose an octave? He kept his composure while they ushered Mateo's family out of the apartment and waited until he was certain they were in the elevator before answering Olivia's unspoken question. She had obviously noticed his coloring, or lack thereof.
"You remember, about ten years ago, well, maybe a little less, I stepped back a little at IAB?"
"Ed, I can't remember you ever stepping back at IAB."
"Well I did. We got threats after this one particular case," Ed was speaking quickly and in a hushed voice, ready to switch tones on a second's notice if Noah popped into the foyer, "It was right before that thing with Rollins' sister, when she killed the boyfriend?"
"Of course I remember that, what's it have to do with Rebecca?"
"It doesn't," he said, "But Rollins' case was my first major one after basically bein' on desk duty for a few months. Anyway, when Rebecca said 'bello' like that to Wyatt? I swear, Liv, it's the same person who said it to me…" he trailed off, still stricken with terror.
"Ed? What?"
"With a gun to my head," he whispered.
"Mommy! Daddy! You comin?" Noah sprinted through the room and flipped over the back of the couch, landing on his bottom facing the TV, a move he'd perfected during quarantine. "You said one show!"
"Yeah bud," Ed looked at Olivia pointedly and took Wyatt into his arms. "We'll get Maggie and Wyatt tucked in and be right out."
…..
#Tuckson