153.

Olivia never took any of Ed's concerns or worries lightly, mostly because he moved through life with the utmost confidence and assuredness, so when he struggled, the struggle was real. She had only seen him scared a handful of times, and all of those situations had warranted varying degrees of fear. This time, though, she suspected Rebecca's appearance and voice merely conjured memories of terror and of an encounter which had put Ed completely at the mercy of another human being. The story tumbled out over the course of a half hour. Early in 2012, after a months-long investigation, three officers in the anti crime unit were indicted on multiple counts of bribery, extortion, and racketeering, all of which resulted from their connection to a New Jersey-based organized crime cell. The bust significantly damaged product-flow operations, and both IAB and the DA's office had received threats in the weeks between the arrests and the grand jury proceedings. Once the indictments were handed down, Ed figured the goons would shift efforts to targeting potential witnesses, but he was wrong.

Two nights later he was walking home from one of his regular haunts, turned onto his street, and was suddenly jerked in between two stoops. He felt a strong arm around his neck and the cool barrel of a pistol pressing against his temple. Frozen from both fear and confusion, it seemed like hours passed before anyone spoke. He'd been expecting a gruff, raspy voice similar to his, but when the warning was delivered, the heavily accented voice belonged to a woman.

"You're proud of yourself now," she'd sneered, "But don't get too comfortable, bello."

After that, whoever had him by the neck let go and jogged away. The woman turned, winked at him, and strode in the opposite direction. Ed immediately took note of her attire-dark tights, high heels, and a camel colored trench. She had incredibly long, curly dark brown hair that whipped across her face, so he didn't get a clear view of her features. Besides, it was dark and they'd been waiting for him in the least well-lit part of the block. Their brazenness resonated and stuck with him for weeks, and occasionally he would recall the taunting "bello" so clearly he jerked around to see if the woman had somehow snuck up behind him to whisper it into his ear.

"They knew everything about us," Ed told Olivia ruefully, "All of us, our kids, our wives, hell, our ex-wives. And they were ghosts. I worked with a sketch artist but the result looked the same as thousands of women."

"Ed, honey," Olivia rubbed his leg reassuringly, "This...is horrible. I didn't know…"

"I guess I, well, I don't know why I never told ya."

Olivia was neither hurt nor surprised he'd kept this to himself, especially after hearing him recount the details. He seemed ashamed to admit someone had gotten the better of him, and Ed was always intent on playing the role of the strong, unflappable man. Besides, if the two of them took the time to detail every harrowing experience of their careers, they would have little time for anything else. And both Ed and Olivia loved all those "anything elses".

"All those types of things can run together as time goes on," Olivia said, "And become sort of a mishmash of the work we've done, and I'm sure it's a time you'd prefer to forget-"

"-yeah-"

"But," Olivia bit her lip, "What are the chances Rebecca is her?" She left the question hanging in the space between them rather than point out it would take nerves of steel for Rebecca to not only chit chat with Ed in the school hallway but also accept an invitation to their home and then proceed to put on such a phenomenal acting job two seasoned cops were convinced she and her husband were delightful, pleasant newcomers.

"Probably really low," Ed mumbled, staring at the couch cushions. "Zero actually. But, damn, Liv-"

"-The reaction was real."

"Yeah. I was right back there. Even though I was right here, surrounded by my wife and my kids...I was there."

"Yeah…"

Ed half-dove at her and she sat with him on the couch where they remained for hours. Typical roles reversed, she held him securely against her chest and occasionally kissed his head. Mostly, though, she listened to him breathe and replayed the entire evening. There were no red flags. None at all. Rebecca and Tim worked in television production. They met at the NBC affiliate in San Diego, and the jobs took them to Texas and eventually New York. They were producers and had finally gotten their big break. Mob enforcers didn't turn on a dime and jump into life on the up-and-up. Even if she'd managed to do so, it was unlikely witness protection would allow for a career that would potentially put an informant into the spotlight.

Nevertheless, Olivia understood better than anyone how jarring it was when the past bubbled, or jolted, to the surface, and she formulated a list of options for the next day. Ed would want to forget everything and would insist he was over it. He would tell her she was right and downplay the whole thing, but Olivia was meeting G tomorrow and had a little time to wander back into the precinct. She had first and last names, previous cities, and could even bag the wine glasses they'd used for fingerprints. Any one of her former squad members would do her a favor. Ed could continue to pretend he was unbothered, but she could deliver definitive, convincing evidence that there was absolutely nothing to worry about.

…

After a decadent and delicious sushi dinner, Maggie and Olivia strolled through Santa Monica's laid-back downtown, and, to Maggie's shock, her mother agreed to stop for an after-dinner cocktail at an ice cream parlor that turned into a dessert drink emporium after nine p.m. Maggie watched with childlike delight as Olivia sipped her chocolate-caramel-whiskey concoction. "Like it?" She asked, her words dripping with anticipation.

"So good," Olivia said, "A little thick, but, really good."

"Tomorrow we should go for breakfast in Malibu. Or maybe lunch. There's this great seafood place there." Ed and Olivia only got out to California once or twice per year, so Maggie always had an arsenal of food and drink options at the ready.

"Lunch would be better," Olivia replied, "I've been looking forward to some Pacific Coast seafood."

"Why didn't you say that before?" Maggie asked, "We could've gone tonight."

"The sushi was great," Olivia said, "And we didn't have to get a cab or anything. I'm probably going to turn in early."

"Not until you tell me about the cops you knew besides dad who didn't like sushi."

"My old partner-"

"-Elliot?"

"Yes. And Brian."

"Who's Brian?"

"A cop, and," Olivia paused for effect, "An old boyfriend."

Maggie coughed dramatically, "Boyfriend?" She had apparently forgotten about discovering a photograph of Cassidy and others several years prior.

"Yes, sweetheart," Olivia said in her most motherly, sagely voice, "People have relationships before other relationships."

"It's just funny," Maggie said, "I totally cannot see you going out with anyone other than Dad. Like, it's weird even to see you by yourself. So, obviously, it didn't work out with the Brian guy. Or Elliot."

Olivia nearly choked on her spiked milkshake, "Elliot was never a boyfriend," she said, "Not even close. And no, it didn't work out with Brian."

"Where's he now?"

"He committed suicide about twenty years ago," Olivia said softly.

Maggie stared back at her slack-jawed, "Oh...no...that's...awful."

"It was," Olivia murmured.

"Do you know why?"

"No. Well, I could guess a few reasons why, but, when someone is so deep in that type of despair, it's impossible to explain. We'll never know."

"I'm sorry."

Olivia smiled sweetly. Maggie had a huge heart and genuinely seemed pained by this news of a person she'd never met. "Thank you, sweetie. But it happened a long time ago. And you know what helped me get through the shock of it?"

"What?"

"You and your brothers," Olivia replied, "And your Dad. You and Wyatt were toddlers-it was hard not to look at the bright side when there were a couple of happy two-year-olds around."

Maggie giggled, "Gawwwd, that must have been exhausting."

"Good exhausting. And we had a lot of help. And, well, you were good kids. Still are. I think."

"Mom!"

"Kidding, kidding."

Maggie's phone danced on the table. "Oh," she said, "It's Dad, finally texting us back." They'd send him a photo of their sushi spread, expecting an immediate reply of disgust, but the response had been delayed. "He says he's glad we enjoyed ourselves and that he just now got home and he'll call later after he gets cleaned up."

"Got it," Olivia replied. She had been looking forward to crashing in the plush hotel bed, but started to rally some energy to stay awake for his phone call. When they returned to the room, she opened the huge windows, moved a chair close, and propped her feet on the sill. Ed called shortly after and she answered right away. They traded details about their days and Ed gave her his travel plans for the next day. He wasn't checking luggage and would take a cab to the hotel.

"I'll probably get there around six," he guessed.

"We'll wait for you for dinner," Olivia replied. "And I saw Maggie's apartment. It doesn't need much cleaning, but we do need to help her repaint her bedroom or they'll charge."

"How much?"

"Three hundred minimum."

"What the hell? Yeah, we'll repaint. Shouldn't take much time."

"It won't take long at all."

An extra second or two passed before Ed spoke. "Wish I was there with ya," he said.

"This time tomorrow you will be," Olivia said. "One night."

"I still don't sleep right without ya."

"Me neither," Olivia said, "But, we've both had long days. We might be okay."

"Probably...but don't get used to it."

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep, satisfied breath full of ocean air. "Never," she said, "Not a chance."

She could practically feel Ed smirk. "That's a relief," he said, "Night, Liv. I love you."

"Goodnight, sweetie. I love you."

…

Brooke was sure she would never get used to the sight of Sarah sitting in the gigantic leather chair behind her gigantic mahogany desk. The furniture made her seem tiny and practically swallowed her whole. Brooke assumed Sarah didn't have a choice of furnishings when she first moved into the posh, seventy-fourth floor office, but she'd been there over two years now and nothing had changed. The oriental rug was still there as were the antique-looking floor lamps, and the green-shaded, pull-cord desk lamp. Brooke decided to no longer live life in the dark, at least as far as Sarah's office was concerned.

"Are you not allowed to remodel this place?" She asked.

Sarah screwed up her face. "Why on Earth would I want to do that?"

"This office is so outdated," Brooke replied, "And so not you."

"Have you ever considered this is me? Work me?"

"No. I honestly had not considered that." Brooke was telling the truth. If the monstrosity of a desk and all the eighties-era accent pieces helped her perform at maximum capacity, who was she to judge?

Sarah slapped the top of the desk, declaring the matter settled. "So, where's Sof on this gorgeous day?"

"Day care."

"No shit?"

"No shit."

"Well good for you, Brookey!"

"Please don't ask what I'm up to."

"What are you up to?"

Brooke groaned, "I've been doing nothing. Well, nothing that matters. I take Sof three days a week, go workout, go to the park and read, cook…"

"All of that matters," Sarah said. "And I'm serious. Good for you."

"Well, I can't imagine I can do this forever," she said, "But...I need a favor."

"What's that?"

"I need a financial advisor recommendation. I need the money from Mom to last as long as possible. I need someone who'll just...do what I tell them to do and make sure I can have the money I need per month for as long as possible...minus of course, what Son and I have in our retirement and Sof's college fund."

"Sure," Sarah said, "I know a bunch of people obviously. And I don't think that's a problem. I mean, you never spend any money. Sonny works all the time, so he doesn't either. You have no student loans, no debt, I hate you."

Brooke rolled her eyes and shot Sarah a sisterly glare.

"Okay, okay," Sarah put up her hands. "Point taken. Omigod, do you know what Noey said to me yesterday? He said, 'good point, Sare Bear' and I was like, how old are you? Thirty?"

"Wow," Brooke giggled, "At least he still said Sare Bear. What are you going to do when he calls you Sarah?"

"I cannot even entertain the possibility right now," Sarah said, "So are you going to go to the beach house next week at all?"

"I don't think so," Brooke replied, "I kind of got the sense Dad's offer was half-hearted, like he didn't really want us there. Are you?"

"No, I'm way too busy. And I got that vibe, too."

"Well don't tell him or most of all Olivia. They'll feel terrible," Brooke was secretly impressed Sarah felt the same way about the call they both received the day before. Her Dad sounded insincere at best and Brooke assumed he'd called at Olivia's behest.

"Nope. I won't. But I love it."

Brooke shook her head. Sarah was grinning from ear to ear and had her hands clasped behind her neck.

"They're always including everyone," Sarah explained, "They should get away by themselves every once in a while. I mean, by themselves with the kids of course. And speaking of getting away, are you forever traumatized by vacation?"

"No," Brooke played with the fray in her blue jeans. She couldn't prove it, but she would always believe she'd contracted the virus during their holiday trip to Hawaii. During the illness she'd been so miserable she never actually went for a test, but she'd had two antibody screenings since and both came back positive. "But I'm definitely wearing a mask and wiping down everything. The tough thing is now, I'm apparently immune but Sof and Sonny aren't, so if it's still lingering out there…"

"Vaccine coming soon," Sarah said. "And the market's loving it by the way. Whichever company gets there first, whoowee, some people are going to make some serious money."

"Well hopefully that person is my new advisor," Brooke said, "Don't forget."

"Yes, yes, I'll set it up. You want to do it now?"

"No," Brooke said, "I don't have any of my account info or anything with me."

"Have you ever heard of, um, online banking?"

Brooke ignored the snarkiness, "Do you want to go get lunch?"

"Yes," Sarah smacked the desk again, "Great idea. Sonny's office is close, want to call him?"

"He had arraignments all afternoon."

"Okay. Hey, have you ever gone to see Sonny in court?"

"No," Brooke said, "That would be weird."

"He'd probably be nervous."

"He'd try to show off," Brooke speculated, "I've seen him rehearse at home. He's quite theatrical."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod. We've got to see him sometime. I'm totally going to do it."

"Let me know how that goes."

Sarah nudged Brooke, "Oh come on. Get real. You know you want to see it."

"Well…"

Sarah searched Brooke's eyes.

"Yeah," Brooke admitted, "I would like to see him in action."

"Well then," Sarah said, "One day, we shall go."

…..

Olivia had testified in court hundreds of times, so she was used to every attorney trick in the book and knew how to keep her emotions in check. Very rarely did an attorney or judge get the better of her when she was on the stand, and she liked to think even the Rita Calhouns of the city approached questioning her with at least an iota of trepidation. The first few times then-Officer Benson sat in the witness chair, she made the mistake of taking in the courtroom in its entirety, and the scene was overwhelming. Now it was second nature for her to focus only on the person in front of her; very rarely, and only for a specific purpose, did she let her attention drift to someone in the gallery. However, when Ed Tucker entered the room while she was in the middle of testimony, she was momentarily knocked off guard. Luckily, Barba had turned to grab an exhibit from his table, and when he resumed his presentation, Benson was, once again, locked in even though she knew Tucker was still there, wearing one of his signature dark suits, standing against the back wall with his arms folded, and doing his best to appear cantankerous. After she was dismissed, the case was adjourned for the day and she eyed him as she strode out of the courtroom. He caught up with her in a corridor that could only be accessed by law enforcement or court personnel.

"Slumming around the courthouse this afternoon, Captain?" She asked.

"Not exactly," Ed replied, "I had a meeting with Judge McNamara."

"Oh? Business or pleasure."

"Business, but," Ed smirked, "He knows my mother."

"He knows your mother?"

"They lived on the same block for a while before she and my Dad bought their own place," Ed explained, "His brother still owns a little bar in the neighborhood, you, uh-"

"Liv!" Barba came rushing toward them. After the gavel sounded, he was in talks with the defense attorney, so Olivia hadn't stopped to debrief. At first, he ignored Tucker. "Hey, listen, they're open to considering fifteen to twenty and I'm really thinking we need to at least have a discussion about it. You were great, but I don't think the jury's going to see past her history," Barba glanced at Ed and muttered, "Hey Tucker."

"Hey," Ed grumbled. To his delight, though, Olivia didn't step away from him. Their sleeves were touching and she didn't care. Even though she was content standing so close together, the proposed deal made her groan. Ed prided himself on picking up on the concession in her reaction. She hated the deal, but she had to be realistic.

"I'll call her," Olivia said, "When do we need to sit down?"

"They agreed to give us tomorrow to consider. So, eight a.m.? My office?"

"Sure."

Barba nodded and breezed past them toward the exit.

"So," Olivia watched Barba round the corner and turned to face Ed, "You were saying...a little bar in the neighborhood…?"

"Yeah, uh, you...want to go? It's not far from your building." He checked his watch, "They let kids in before ten."

Barba and the squad were still a little ambivalent about the Tucker-Benson pairing, but now that they were "out", Olivia fully owned being Ed Tucker's girlfriend. She hugged him and, confident they were alone, gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Can you drive?" She asked, "That way I don't have to go back to the office."

"Sure, no problem."

"And you're sure this place is okay for kids?"

"Yeah. Real local place. And they have great food."

"He is a sucker for a good burger and tater tots."

"I think this pub might be a winner then," Ed replied. He squeezed her hand and grinned. He couldn't wait to get into the car and give her a proper kiss and maybe apologize for popping into the courtroom. "Let's go."

…..

This time, for the meeting with G, Olivia arrived solo, and G spent the entire hour overthinking what that could mean. Noah was officially on Spring Break and he was old enough to decide he would rather hang out with his Dad than "work" with his mom. The twins could be a handful if you really wanted to get work done. Nevertheless, G searched for signs that Olivia was upset with her. Finding no obvious alarm bells, she hung on every one of her words. By the time they'd settled on a venue, G was wondering how she could swallow another Xanax without Olivia noticing.

"Well," Olivia said, "I feel so much better. We can start advertising, getting speakers, sending invites. I'm excited!"

"It's going to be a great event," G said.

Olivia checked her watch, "Would you let me buy you a drink?" She asked. "To celebrate?"

G got the sense Olivia, after a thirty-year career, still got a unique thrill by being able to suggest a cocktail at three o'clock in the afternoon. She was technically working, but no one would be looking for her on a Friday afternoon, so she agreed and she and Olivia found an almost empty pub a couple of blocks away. At the bar, G started talking about a possible program, a menu, even specialty cocktails, but Olivia sidestepped the businesslike conversation and delved into more personal matters.

She began with an unintimidating, "How have you been?"

Self-conscious of the bags under her eyes and general slouchiness which, no matter how hard she tried to fight, seemed to overtake her body, G answered honestly. "I haven't been doing so great lately."

"Oh no," Olivia replied though it was clear she knew G had been struggling. "Anything...I can do? Or, anything...you want to talk about?"

The questions were delivered with the poise and determination of someone who was used to being trusted. A burning sensation sizzled against G's ribcage. She wanted to both run away and grovel at Olivia's feet. She didn't deserve such graciousness, such kindness. I SAW YOUR SEX DRAWER, G wanted to scream, if only to stop the new surge of guilt born of Olivia's gently-delivered, compassionate question. At the same time she wished she could curl up in Olivia's arms and bawl her eyes out. After a moment or two, she compromised and told part of the truth.

"I, well, it's been hard, since, um, the whole Gary Wald case came out."

"It was tough," Olivia replied casually even though the memory of G mentioning something about delayed justice punched her in the gut. She cocked her head and asked, "Did you know Gary? Or Rachel?"

"No, no," G answered a little too quickly.

"I remember," Olivia continued in her gentlest voice, "You saying something about the case after the indictment, I think? Or, maybe it was the day Ed gave his grand jury testimony? It seemed to register some significance?"

G swallowed hard. "I used to work directly for a school," she said, "But, um, a couple of years ago, one of the administrators, we were working late," she paused for a humorless, sarcastic laugh, "Classic, right? Working late? I'm packing my bags to leave and he blocks the door…"

"Oh, honey…"

"There was nothing I could do," G's shoulders slumped, "I tried to fight. I screamed. He was too strong. There was nobody else there. And the next day, you know what really kills me? That conference room? Every single upper school kid walks by it on their way into class."

"Did you report it?"

"I did." G paused again, collecting herself, "I did everything right. I thought everything was on my side. I kept the clothes. There were cameras everywhere, well, not in the room, but right outside of it. I was consistent. And then…."

"And then?"

"Footage disappeared. In his story, the two of us were having an affair. It was like I was living in a bad twist of a movie. But in the movies, there's always someone willing to help, you know? Someone who's dogged, who won't give up, but I never experienced that from anyone-not the cops, not the lawyers, nobody. But I refused to drop the complaint and then…"

Olivia saw G's lower lip quiver and she gave her a few minutes. It was a familiar process for the former SVU commander. There was always a lot of waiting.

"The school offered money. I had student loans. I had rent. They offered so much money I could pay off the loans and buy the place I have now. I could start over. And I did...but he didn't have to. He's retiring this year and I'm sure will get a magnificent ceremony. So, justice? I guess I got some. But not the kind that I needed."

Astonished not by the details but by G's composure, Olivia simply reached out for G's hand and held it with both of hers.

"I signed an NDA," G mumbled, "So, it's over, and, ya know, I don't pay a ton of attention to the news, but the whole thing with Rachel and then the trial...it was kind of gratifying, in a way, even though it cost Rachel her life. I, uh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"

"-No," Olivia interrupted in a firm voice, "Whatever you do, don't apologize. There are, things we could do-"

"-I don't want to fight anymore," G said, "As much as possible, I want it in the past."

"If you change your mind, I'm always here for you," Olivia said, "And, I'm always here for you if you don't. We all are. But I'll keep this between us, I promise."

"Thank you. I appreciate that. But, um," For some reason, images of the Tucker bedroom flashed in her mind and she felt terrible making Olivia keep a secret from Ed, "It's, um...you can tell Ed."

Olivia gazed at her appreciatively and squeezed her hands, "Please let us know if we can do anything, other than, well, ask you to watch our kids."

"I just want to be normal," G said. "And I will always want to watch your kids."

"Oddly enough," Olivia replied, "We are...now...very much normal. Maybe even boring? And we love you.

G choked up.

"Why don't you come over for dinner?" Olivia wasn't about to let G leave and spend the evening alone, "Ed mentioned barbecuing on the roof. Most of the time it works out and we get something edible out of it. I'll ask the girls, too?"

"Okay," G mumbled, "That would, um, be really nice."

"Great!" Olivia furiously typed messages and, minutes later, announced everyone was in. The Tuckers were hosting yet another impromptu party. "Sonny's even going to pick up Caroline," Olivia said, "Hopefully it won't be too overwhelming."

"No," G said, "It's going to be great. Thank you, Olivia. Do you...want me to bring anything?"

"Absolutely not," Olivia waved over the bartender and paid the tab, "I'm bringing you. And the kids are already so excited. Noah said he's shuffling the Uno cards. I'm going to get an Uber. Do you need to stop at home?"

"No, I'm good."

"Alright then. Let's go. Ed's making ribs and chicken...with Chinese or pizza as a backup."

G grinned, "Sounds good to me."

…

#Tuckson