157.

Sarah spent the rest of the day at work alternatively on a high and steeped in agony. She imagined living in Europe and traveling to a different city or country every weekend. She pictured Justin writing his dissertation at quaint cafes surrounded by centuries-old buildings and then she remembered many of Germany's city centers were destroyed in WWII. Thoughts of war led her to think about the cons of an overseas move. There weren't many drawbacks, but they were of major significance.

Unable to focus, Sarah shut down her computer, left the office, and spent the rest of the afternoon in Battery Park. She wanted Olivia. Then again, no, she didn't want Olivia. Olivia would tell her to go, and Sarah, if she had to make a decision now, would opt to stay. Olivia would say all the right things. Olivia would tell her it was okay to move away for five years even though they would miss her and Justin terribly. No. Sarah needed someone more, well, detached and objective, in a way Olivia couldn't be. So, she called G who agreed to meet her at a pub near their building. Sarah went directly there and claimed a spot on the second level of the Brazen Fox where they could look out over Third Avenue and Sarah wouldn't be forced into a whole lot of eye contact.

"Thanks for coming," Sarah said when G arrived looking like she'd come directly from work. She had her laptop bag in tow and was wearing a classy navy dress with matching low heels. "You look nice."

G smiled, "Thank you. I had a meeting for Olivia's event today. We got the venue we wanted, so, I'm on cloud nine right now."

"Omigod, that's awesome! Where?"

"Loft in Flatiron," G replied. "It's perfect. It has a great balcony with a view. It's also the right size. Olivia wanted something on the smaller side and more intimate for this first benefit." G watched Sarah search for images of the space on Google and became giddy again as Sarah's face grew flushed with excitement. "It's nice, right?"

"Omigod, I love it! I hope I'm invited!"

"Five hundred a plate."

"Put me down for two." Sarah had momentarily forgotten about her dilemma, but when she realized she might now even be in the country in early October, she became visibly crestfallen.

"So, what's up?" G asked.

Sarah took a huge gulp of her cocktail. "I have huge news, and I need you to listen and, just, well, listen."

"Okay," G replied slowly.

In what seemed like one breath, Sarah relayed the entire proposal, almost word-for-word. G remained calm, even impassive, and Sarah knew she had chosen exactly the right confidante. "So," she said, "What do you think?"

"I think you have a huge decision to make."

"Exactly." Sarah waved the server over and asked for another round even though G had barely touched her gin and tonic. "So here's the top two things weighing on my mind. First, Justin. He loves his work. He's going to be a professor! He's in the middle of his dissertation research and taking classes. Can I ask him to press pause? Second, my family. You know how much I love them. Can I really leave for five years? And, it's silly to think that, oh, they'll visit. They won't. Dad and Livvie and Brooke and Sonny have little kids. They can't just leave. And my Grandma...she's...well, old. I don't know that this is the right time."

"Do you believe your boss when he said he wouldn't hold it against you if you turned it down?"

"I believe him," Sarah replied, "But I don't know if he's speaking for everyone."

"If you took away Justin and your family, what would you do?"

Sarah screwed up her face, "Like, what would I do if I had absolutely no one?"

"Yes."

"That's impossible to imagine," Sarah said, "I guess I would go. But that's also not the case."

"Fair," G said, "But, it's a place to start."

Sarah tried to make sense of what G was telling her, but she thought it was ludicrous to determine what she would do if she didn't have a husband or a family. She had a husband and a family. And she loved them all to death. Missing her Wednesday dates with Noah, all his school functions, popping in to their homes-how could she give up all of that for a job?

"And it's not any run-of-the mill job," G said. "It's a career changer."

"I don't need a career changer," Sarah said with a level of protest that surprised even her, "I have a perfectly fine career right now. And I'm good at it and I like it and...I don't need to be in charge of a branch. I don't think I even want that responsibility. And I'm imagining my life in Europe and doing all this traveling, but I don't even think I'd have time for that."

"Have you thought about talking to the person who's currently in that position? Or anyone else who's a CEO or something similar in Europe? To see what life is like?"

"Good idea," Sarah mumbled. "Maybe I need to do some research before I do anything else. Ugh. Research. Justin."

"Would you want to do long distance?"

"No," Sarah said, "Absolutely not. My favorite part of the day is coming home to Justin and seeing him so...studious, and I love him too much. I can't be apart from him for long. And I notice something different about Noey every time I see him and I can't imagine only seeing him once or twice a year. Or the twinsies! Can you imagine? I wouldn't see them again until they were, maybe, four? They're about to be three! They might be in real school by the time I see them again!"

Picturing the twins, G smiled. She loved Maggie and Wyatt with all of her heart. Noah too, but Maggie's and Wyatt's toddler innocence and joy was one of her most favorite things to witness. "That would be hard," she murmured and shifted gears, realizing why she was there, "But you have so much to consider. You probably need to talk to a few other people. You'll make the right decision. Either way, it'll be tough, but, you can rest easy knowing you're doing all your due diligence."

"I am." Sarah finally turned toward G and smiled, "Do you want dinner? They have the est mac and cheese here."

G grinned. "I'm starving. Dinner would be great."

…

Maggie timed everything perfectly. She and Wyatt showed up at the restaurant where Noah and Mia were dining early enough to snag seats at the bar with a perfect view of the door. As soon as the duo walked in, Maggie and Wyatt planned to act like meeting there was a coincidence and pretend to be surprised to see them. Noah, of course, would know better and suspect subterfuge, but Mia, ever the less down-to-earth one might be swayed into believing it was all a happy coincidence. After all, Noah was a creature of habit and he chose a pub where they'd been regulars since they were kids. It wasn't totally inconceivable that Maggie and Wyatt would show up there.

"I think the bartender likes you," Maggie teased Wyatt after they ordered their second beers.

Wyatt smirked. "I have a girlfriend."

"You have an Ava," Maggie smiled when she saw Wyatt blush.

"She's my friend."

Wyatt met Ava in his first class on his first day at Harvard and the two of them had been "friends" ever since. Ava was from a small town in central Michigan and, though razor-sharp, had trouble adjusting to life at Harvard. Even though the undergraduate population at the university was a mere seven thousand, the number was more than twice the size of the place where she'd grown up. Wyatt immediately took her under his wing. They went sightseeing in Boston every weekend. They studied together. They played trivia at one of the various pubs around campus and became a formidable team. Eventually, Wyatt brought her home to New York. It had been her first time in the city and they spent the weekend hitting all the major touristy sites. The best part, though, had been when Wyatt took Ava to his favorite spot in Central Park. It was in the ramble, secluded, yet had a terrific view. She-

"Oh, shit, there they are!"

Wyatt snapped out of his daydream and swallowed hard at the sight of his brother and Mia. Or, rather, at the sight of Mia. He had seen her online in photographs, but they hadn't met in person for a couple of years. In the pictures she was heavily made up and staged. Here, she looked exactly like she had when she was in school-she was almost as tall as Noah and her hair was pulled back in the signature ponytail. She had always looked so weird with her hair down and curled in her headshots. Wyatt approached first and was oozing with such childlike excitement Maggie worried he had forgotten the plan.

"Mia!" Wyatt gave her a hug, "Wow, it's good to see you!"

"Um, hi?" Noah said meekly.

"Oh, yeah," Wyatt grinned, "Sorry, NO!"

The brothers embraced. If Noah was onto Maggie's mission, he played it off well. Though, Noah was always happy to see his siblings even if there was malfeasance involved. "Have you lost weight?" Noah asked.

Wyatt groaned, "Yes, wow, well, I've been working out!"

"You look good, Wyatt!" Mia slapped him on the back, "But you haven't gone vegan or anything? Because I have no idea what you're gonna eat here!"

"Nope. Not vegan. But I hear good things." Wyatt returned Mia's smile.

Maggie was a bit displeased that Wyatt was being so chummy. "So, should we all get a table?" She asked impatiently.

She quickly met eyes with Noah. He was his typical unflappable self and gave no indication he was annoyed with his siblings crashing the date. Maggie wasn't sure if his lack of reaction was a good or bad sign. They were seated at one of their favorite tables. Noah and Mia took the booth side and Wyatt and Maggie sat in chairs. They ordered cocktails and a cheese plate to share. When the drinks arrived and they had some uninterrupted time, Mia congratulated everyone on their accomplishments. For someone who had wandered in and out of their lives, she sure knew a lot about what was happening, especially with Wyatt. Smart move, Maggie thought-suck up to the easy one.

"Harvard, Wyatt, wow, that's so, just, wow!"

"He was summa cum laude," Noah boasted, "You shoulda seen my Mom and Dad at his graduation."

"Holy smokes, I bet they were proud! Olivia was probably bawling!"

"She was."

"Maggie?" Mia asked, "Are you going back to school?"

Maggie shrugged, "I don't know. I'll think about it this summer. Probably."

"Mia's going to come to the house this summer," Noah said, "She's got some time off."

Wyatt opened his mouth to say something, but he deferred to his sister.

"Time off?" Maggie asked. "From what?"

For the first time Noah glared at her.

"I'm in between jobs," Mia explained, "My new one doesn't start until the fall. It's off Broadway, but it's a great script. I hope you'll come?"

"Sure we will!" Wyatt said.

"Have you seen Noah's new apartment?" Maggie asked in an attempt to get the attention away from Mia and also to gather an important piece of information.

"Not yet," Mia replied. "I saw pictures though. It looks so nice!"

"How can you afford it?" Wyatt asked. If any other person had posed the questions, it could have been perceived as rude. Wyatt, however, had never ever uttered a rude comment in his entire life and he genuinely sounded curious. Also, Noah's new job as an advisor to the city's Department of Transportation Commissioner didn't quite match his new digs. It seemed that, finally, the young Mr. Tucker was getting his chance to fix the subway, but Noah's salary was nowhere near enough to afford the one-bedroom he'd leased, even though the city, over the past decade, had enacted policies to make rents more affordable.

"I lived cheap in D.C.," Noah replied. "Remember? I had two roommates? And, well, I decided I would start taking a little from my money."

Maggie's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Each of the kids had an account, similar to a trust, funded by the money Sarah gave back to Ed after her first wedding, their portion of the inheritance from Caroline, and monthly deposits Olivia and Ed had made for years. Once they turned twenty-one, they were allowed to handle the money themselves to the extent they wanted. Maggie and Wyatt opted to leave their shares in the account. Noah, now almost twenty-six years old, was ready to start using a little for his benefit. Nevertheless, "the money" as the three of them called it, had always seemed untouchable. It was something to be used when they were older. Maggie was shocked to hear Noah now considered himself "older". She excused herself to go to the restroom and texted Wyatt while she was gone.

At least we know Mia's not a gold digger, she wrote.

Wyatt wrote back that he wasn't getting a "couples" vibe from Mia and Noah. It seemed like they were old friends getting reacquainted, he explained in his text, and, most importantly, Noah was happy.

Maggie stared at herself in the bathroom mirror and cocked her head to the side. She had never worried much about her appearance, but, then again, she never felt compelled to do so. Her hair was easy to manage and she always had kept it long so a ponytail was always an option. And, with her deep ocean-blue eyes, defined cheekbones, and dazzling smile, she was pretty. She knew it, and her looks had always given her confidence though she knew they gave her father and mother fits. But Maggie had never been a snob or a mean girl. Sure, she and her siblings were snobs about pizza and hot dogs and a few other things, but she was always nice to other people. Not as nice as Wyatt and Noah, but nice enough. She and her brothers had been raised to always operate with a certain level of kindness and decency.

So why couldn't she find it in herself to be nice to Mia?

"Because she doesn't care about him," Maggie muttered to herself as she washed her hands. "She's selfish." Maggie snatched a paper towel as if she were angry with the dispenser and headed back to the table with a forced smile on her face.

…..

"Holy shit," Ed gasped, "Holy. Fucking. Shit. Liv."

"Yes?" Olivia dug her chin into his chest and gazed at him with satisfied yet droopy eyes.

"What did I do to deserve this?"

Olivia smiled and kissed the top of each of his pecs. "I love you." She saw Ed's face temporarily get serious and slightly suspicious and added, "You...doing all the painting and putting things together, it's been so fun to watch. And I wanted to make sure you knew your hard work is appreciated."

"Oh, I feel appreciated."

Olivia laughed quietly, kissed his lips, and settled in under his chin. At home in New York, their apartment was decorated exactly how they wanted, and projects required to keep the Delaware home in order weren't necessary in the city. Olivia sometimes forgot how handy Ed could be and how deft he was at using tools to put together furniture or new storage shelves for the secondary pantry. Outside, he and Noah placed bricks along the perimeter of what would become Olivia's new flower beds, but before they could put the bricks in place Ed had to use an edger to carve out the deep crevice where they would rest. He did this in the warm sunlight of the late afternoon. Sweat beaded on his arms and dampened his tight-fitting white t-shirt. The sight of him wearing work gloves, gripping the machine's handles and seeing his muscles react to its power made her drool.

"I spend part of my career fighting against the forces that objectify women and here I am…"

"Not the same thing, sweetheart. You said appreciate. You appreciate me all you want."

"You're just so," Olivia kissed under his chin, "So, so sexy. I can't get over it. And this week, while it's only us here, of course, I love having everyone around, but I see you. I'm really seeing you, Ed, seeing you be a husband and a dad and a neighbor. No distractions. I guess, I'm reminded of why I fell in love with you in the first place and I'm falling in love with you all over again. In the span of a week this time," she added with a grin.

"Wasn't it about a week the first time?"

Laughing, Olivia retorted, "Maybe ten days."

"Whatever it was," he said, "It happened. And that's what matters."

"That's all that matters," Olivia closed her eyes and stretched her legs out against the cool crisp sheets. "We have everything Ed. I wake up every day and go to sleep every night reminding myself of that."

"So do I, Liv," he was sleepy and slurred his words, "I love you, Olivia Margaret. I don't want you to ever, ever forget that. I want you to wake up and go to sleep every single night knowin' that, too."

"I know, honey."

"Good."

…

Olivia kept a close eye on Noah as he played in the sand with the buckets, funnels, and shovels Ed purchased for him, but they had arrived at the beach early and there were few people around so she was at ease letting Noah wander around as long as he was in her line of sight. Olivia promised herself she would show Noah how to build a proper sand castle, but, for now, he was happy on his own and she was relishing the relaxation the Jersey Shore had surprisingly brought her. When they arrived the night before they took a walk along the boardwalk, ate seafood at a picnic table, and fell asleep all together watching a movie on their king-sized hotel bed. Olivia woke up first around five a.m. and shivered at the sight of Noah in between them. The scene was so perfect it scared her.

"Do you ever think about how the most gorgeous, fun places can be tainted by the job?" Olivia asked, squinting into the sunlight from behind her glasses.

Ed understood exactly what she meant. "Yeah. Sometimes. What about the job killed the beach for you?"

"Not killed," Olivia said, "But there were so many times...bodies or body parts washed up, or...Coney Island, always seemed to be a perp favorite."

"Shit, Coney Island...that reminds me of Stuckey."

Stunned, Olivia coughed and nearly choked on the water she had sipped seconds ago. "Stuckey?"

"Yeah. One of the vics...Coney Island."

"I remember," Olivia said, "But, why does Stuckey, uh, well, for lack of a better word, stick in your mind?" Even though the sun was beating down on them and Ed had every reason to be red, his face grew even more flushed and Olivia could tell. "Ed?"

Ed sheepishly ducked his head. "I, uh, saw what you did to, uh, distract him."

Olivia chuckled knowingly, "Ah, a little jealous?"

"No. I felt bad for ya."

"We do what we have to do," Olivia said. "You of all people should understand that."

"I understand," Ed replied, "Doesn't mean I can't cringe at it."

"You've thought about this way more than I have."

"I suppose so. I'm sorry. I-"

"-don't be sorry," Olivia smiled slyly, "You're jealous. Just admit it."

"Okay," Ed leaned over and puckered his lips, "I'm jealous. I'm jealous of anyone who ever got to kiss you. I-" He stopped because he remembered what she'd told him about William Lewis, "I want you to know, if it's okay with you, I wanna be the only guy who kisses you. Well, uh, except Noah of course."

"Of course," Olivia grinned, cupped one side of his face, and gave him the kiss he had been longing for.

Ed opened his eyes slowly after the kiss. "You, uh, want to help him with his sand castle?"

"Yes," she said, "Let's do that."

….

Ed manned the grill while holding Maggie on his hip. The little girl had been upset at being removed from the hot tub, and she only calmed down from the hysterics when Ed asked her to help make dinner. "Think it's time to flip the dogs, Maggs?" Ed asked.

"FIP, Dada!"

"Gotta get 'em nice and charred. That's how we like 'em."

"CHAR!"

"That's right Maggs."

"You pu' mutterd an' pickles an' choclit on em!"

"Chocolate? Yuck!"

"No yuck!" Maggie protested, "Choccit hoddog! Wi'EYECREAM!" Ed used tongs to turn over the hot dogs and Maggie chanted in a sing-songey voice, "Fip, fip, fip!"

"Hey you two," Olivia said, "Let me get a picture!" Ed turned around and he and Maggie smiled. She snapped the photo and elbowed Ed as she passed by on her way to the kitchen, "You can put that on your Instagram!"

"I saw you followed me," Ed called in to her through the window screen. He put Maggie down and she toddled into the yard where her brothers were playing with the bubble mower and bubble blower. Maggie squealed as she chased down the soapy clusters.

"Consider yourself lucky," she said, "I follow three people. And two are master gardeners." Olivia returned to the porch with two beers and handed him one. They toasted to the kids and to the hot tub session they had planned for later.

"Gettin' some ideas for the flower beds?" Ed asked.

"Tons," Olivia replied, "Featuring border lilies of course."

Ed kissed her on the cheek, "They are your favorite."

"Yes they are." Olivia took a seat on one of the new barstools and motioned for Ed to join. Instead of sitting, he stood behind the chair and wrapped his arms around her. The kids were now huddled together around an Adirondack chair watching a ladybug crawl around its arm. "I notice you're up to thirty followers," she said of his account.

"Got more on Twitter, but I don't know who half of them are. But, no time for my Twitter debates this week," he said softly, "This week's all about us. The Instagram, well, it's a good way to connect with the family. I see more of my cousins' families than I have in years. And vice versa."

"Have you ever had a family reunion?"

"Nah. Weddings and funerals. That's it."

"We should have one here," Olivia said, "Someday. I don't mean host everyone, but we could have the party here. There's room in the yard for a tent. Plenty of rentals nearby. It would be fun."

"How long do you think it would take to get something like that together?"

"Not long," Olivia said, "Maybe a few weeks. But, we have such a busy couple of months coming up. Ireland...the twins' birthdays."

"Maybe next summer?"

Olivia leaned into his arm, "I'd really like that."

"Then we'll make it happen."

A second and third ladybug had joined the first one on the chair and Noah was trying to usher them into a bucket where he hoped they could live. He instructed Maggie and Wyatt to get some grass, sticks, and a bit of dirt, and by the time they returned, Noah had successfully gotten the bugs to crawl inside of the pail. For a few minutes while they navigated their way out of the crisscrossing blades of grass and twigs, Noah celebrated their feat, but it didn't take long for disappointment to arrive.

"Aw, man!" He whined, "They're too fast! They're gonna escape!"

"They want to be out in the open, bud," Ed said, "They're not used to livin' in a small space."

Noah put his hands on his hips, turned in a slow circle, and nodded, "Yeah...they have their friends all out here and I dunno what they eat," he said.

"When I put the flowers in they'll be around a lot," Olivia said. "So we'll see them again."

"Kay!"

"And it's time for three kiddos to come and wash their hands. I think the hot dogs are ready!"

"C'mon babies! Let's go scrub scrub scrub!"

Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt took turns on the step stool in front of the sink and Ed squirted evergreen scented soap into their hands. Their laughter was music to Olivia's ears and, once again, she thanked whatever forces had created moments like these.

…..

#Tuckson