160.

G emailed the non-disclosure agreement to Olivia the day the Tuckers drove back to New York, and by the time the pair met for lunch, Barba had already pinpointed two promising loopholes in the document's text. So, after G presented Olivia with catering and entertainment options, invitation designs, and seating arrangement possibilities, Olivia shifted the conversation to the agreement. G accepted the news with what Olivia was learning was her typical reaction-a cross between nonchalance and despondency. On the job, Olivia never walked into a room with a victim expecting a certain reaction, but she was bothered that G couldn't muster even an iota of optimism. Nevertheless, she stayed the course and remained upbeat.

"The ball's in your court," she said. "Rafael is willing to take the case free of charge-"

"-Free?" G snapped.

"Yes," Olivia replied, "He's-"

"-nobody gets something for nothing," G said, "Money talks. It's-"

"-it's not like that with him," Olivia said, "He's a former prosecutor. I worked with him for years. He's an assemblyman now-"

"-politician," G muttered.

"I know it sounds like an oxymoron," Olivia replied, "But he's an honest one. And if there's anything I am sure about when it comes to him, it's that he's very good at his job and he's rock solid. He'll fight and you can trust him. And, the best thing is, you're in control now. The second you feel uncomfortable, it's done."

"That's the thing," G said, "I'm uncomfortable now. I have a lot of contacts, I still know people from that school or know people who know him. My job, well, my company, we work with hundreds of companies and schools in the tri-state, but my particular department, well, it's a small world. If I do this, I certainly risk my job. But then, I know every other woman working there in whatever capacity is in danger. Maybe it's happened to them."

"How close are you with your boss?"

"Not close. I rarely see her, actually, unless something's wrong. And lately, everything's been going so well."

Olivia leaned across the small cafe table and held G's hands, "I see you, honey," she said softly, "And it's not all good."

Part of G wanted to explode and lash out. How dare this woman confront her like this? Just because she'd spent almost her entire career locking up rapists and child molesters didn't mean she could breeze into her private life and upend everything. For a moment G wished she would have stayed quiet, kept everything to herself, and maybe not even been so receptive to Sarah's friendly overtures. She could have ignored Noah that day in the elevator. She could have-

Olivia was still squeezing her hands with a grip firm enough for G to feel the coolness of Olivia's rings against her skin. The older woman's eyes were compassionate yet full of relentless confidence. G was certain she had used this same expression on dozens, maybe hundreds of victims, but, in this particular moment, Olivia was locked in and committed to getting justice even if G was equivocating. Slowly, over the course of the next few minutes, G's attitude grew more resolute. Yes, she finally said, she would let Barba help. And she wouldn't object to the price tag, or, lack thereof. When they parted on the sidewalk, Olivia hugged G tightly, putting one hand on the back of her head.

"I'm proud of you," she said, "You're doing a brave thing. I promise we won't let you down."

…

Always the most organized one in the family, Brooke arrived at Caroline's house with a day's worth of toys and clothes for Sofia, a stack of index cards, and a pencil pouch full of pencils, pens, and highlighters. When Caroline learned of the family reunion idea, she became ecstatic and wondered aloud why no one had thought to have a gathering before. The Tuckers had been in the country for almost a century, she claimed, and they'd never had a whole-family get-together.

"We were too busy keeping food on the table," she said, "And, hell, for the first few decades we all lived on the same three blocks so what the hell did it matter?"

Brooke laughed and spread out the cards she'd already labeled with names on the dining room table. She was confident she had all of her aunts, uncles, and cousins, but more distant relatives' names and locations were murkier. The people on her grandfather's side were located, more or less, in New York or the neighboring states. They hadn't drifted far. But, Caroline's relatives were more difficult to trace and track down. Also, there were fewer of them. One of her brothers was killed in WWII and another died at a young age. She'd outlived two more brothers and her only sister passed away shortly after arriving in the United States. Sadness overcame Brooke when she realized all of the tragedy on Caroline's side as she made out the cards the night before, but Caroline was, as usual, unflappable and matter-of-fact.

"I'm too old to mourn, Brookey," she said.

"I don't know if I'll ever be too old," Brooke said.

"That's fine, dearie. We're all equipped differently. For different reasons. But I have to admit, it's nice to see you not so miserable for a change. What are you taking?"

Brooke burst into laughter, "Nothing, Grandma. Well, something when I need it, but nothing on a regular basis."

"Science is interesting now," Caroline said, "There's a cure for everything."

"Still a lot of stigma surrounding mental health."

Caroline ran her fingers through her pixie cut silver locks, "You think there's stigma today? In my day you suffered in silence or you were sent away. Unless you were completely gone, there was only one option. Baby blues? Better get over it. Depression? Get over it. Husband knocks you around? Get over it. Makeup hides the bruises. Or drink. And smoke. Honey, some women lived in pure agony their whole lives."

"Some still do."

"Yes," Caroline said, "But there are more options now. It's not perfect, and hell, honey, there will never be perfect options for women, you know that right? Our lives have certain levels of hell in them men will never understand. But how did we get on this subject? Let's look at your list here. Okay, ah, yes, looks good, well, I don't think my cousin Sam will come but we'll invite him."

"Sam?" Brooke squinted at the rows of index cards striping the table and she didn't see a Sam anywhere.

"Seamus," Caroline wiggled a long, aged yet elegant finger, "He goes by Sam."

"Did not know that."

"Seamus was too ethnic for the west coast."

"That makes zero sense."

"He wanted to fit in," Caroline shrugged, "He moved there in the sixties. I think he was a hippie. Maybe he got tired of telling all the winos and potheads how to say his name, anyway, he had a million kids, bought a winery, and now he's Italian."

Brooke giggled softly. "Grandma…"

"Anyway, he probably won't come but he's the closest living relative on my side. He should be invited. He knew your Dad and everyone, maybe he'd like to see everyone before they die." Caroline saw Brooke's shocked expression. "Honey, we're getting up there. Once those numbers start with seven and eight, you better thank God for waking up in the morning."

"You're right," Brooke said softly, "And not even when they start with seven and eight. I thank God every morning now."

"Good girl," Caroline patted Brooke's cheek, "But you have over half your life left, Brookey. Don't live it like you're anticipating the next crisis."

"I'm trying, Grandma," she said, "Trust me. I'm really trying."

…..

Olivia stormed out of Barba's office and caught a whiff of Hank Abraham's cologne on the way out. She coughed a few times on the way to the elevator. Whatever he wore was suffocating and offensive and she decided the scent actually fit his personality to a tee. Ed never wore cologne which was fine with her.

Ed.

Ed. Ed. Ed.

Seeing him on work-related business wasn't enough. The stakes were too serious and too high for them to flirt with one another, and flirting with Ed Tucker was getting to be so, well, fun. Desperately needing a break, she texted him to see if he had a few minutes to meet for coffee. He responded with a call.

"Hey," he said in the gentle version of the Ed Tucker IAB voice.

"Hi."

"Listen, uh, you know how badly I wanna see ya."

"But…"

"But," he cleared his throat, "It's not gonna look good if we're seen together. Not now. And Barba called. He's coming in to see Draper and me about the report. Liv, you're gonna have to testify in front of the grand jury and again at trial. It's not your detectives under the microscope here, but we're a little too close, we gotta, uh, lay low."

Never in her wildest imaginations did Olivia picture Ed Tucker rebuffing her, but here he was doing exactly that. He was right; yet, she hated that he was right. She wanted Terrence Reynolds to be alive and the outraged public to understand how his death, albeit horrific and tragic, was the result of policy-driven police work. It was so offensive and insulting to admit, but the entire ordeal was, genuinely, an accident. Olivia's heart ached for Terrance's parents, but, at the same time, she acknowledged she would likely never worry about Noah in the way the entire black community had to worry about their sons.

"But maybe I could stop by later?" Olivia had fallen silent for too long and Ed scrambled to ameliorate his earlier comments.

"Yes, if you think that's laying low enough" Olivia said, maybe a bit too quickly, "I promised myself I'd be home in time to put Noah to bed. I'll let the doorman know you can come right up. Ed…"

"Hang in there, Liv."

Olivia couldn't help but smile at Ed's best effort to cheer her up. "I'll see you later."

"Yes you will."

…

Sarah showed up at work before eight a.m. on Wednesday, her day to pick up Noah from school. The mental wrestling match between the promotion offer and the dozen or so details holding her back from accepting the position had been going on for over a week, and she was relieved to have finally come to a decision. She had confided in G twice more, gone for a long bicycle ride, and had several solo drinks at midtown bars. They were her favorites because they were usually large and filled with tourists so it was unlikely she would know anyone and she would certainly be left alone. Justin had been so consumed with end-of-the-semester work he hadn't noticed how distant and distracted she'd been. Even so, Sarah felt guilty about basically ignoring her husband and was looking forward to a fun afternoon with Noah and then an even more fun evening with her husband. But first, she had to break the news to her boss and cross her fingers she wasn't comitting career suicide.

It went better than she anticipated. She envisioned a dramatic, bellicose ultimatum, but, in reality, the genial executive accepted her decision as if it had been a foregone conclusion. He assured her there would be other opportunities down the road and expressed a sense of relief that she would still be there in New York to help supervise the newbies who would be coming in over the summer.

"I am good with kids," Sarah said weakly.

"I have tremendous respect and admiration for you, Sarah," he said.

Sarah wanted to vomit. Respect and Admiration? Those were parting words if she'd ever heard them. He was lying. She was doomed.

"So I hope you're going to sit in on interviews next week."

"Interviews?"

"Yes. Becky didn't put them on your calendar?"

"Um, well, honestly, I haven't looked."

"Look," he said, "We need you there."

Maybe she wasn't doomed. She breathed a sigh of relief. "I will."

Seven hours later, she and Noah were monitoring Pearl in the Union Square dog run. Noah, whose parents now wisely included a change of clothes in his backpack on Wednesdays, threw Pearl's rubber ball, and ended up as the de facto dog entertainer for the three other pooches competing for the toy. Another labrador and a what looked to be a border collie mix were good at leaving the ball, but Noah had to yank it out of the cocker spaniel's mouth each time.

"Noey, you don't have to play with all the dogs," Sarah said. She was disgusted at the slobber and felt bad that Noah was having to work so hard to entertain other people's pets when the owners were leisurely reading newspapers.

"S'okay," Noah said, "It's all of Pearl's friends! But, Sare Bear, you have hand sanitizer?"

"Yes. And soap at my house."

"Kay." Noah wiped his hands on his shorts and lofted the ball across the lot. "We did an essay today in school," he said, making the word essay sound extra important.

"For real? About what?"

"Our favorite season," Noah replied.

"And, what's yours?"

"All of em."

Sarah cracked up. "Right? That question is so unfair because all seasons have their pros and cons."

Noah scrunched up his face, "Pros and cons?"

"Good things and bad things," Sarah said, "Like, for example, in winter it can get slippery and a little cold but it's fun to build snowmen and have Daddy pull you on the sled and, of course, there's Christmas."

"And a fire in da fire place when we go to Del'ware!"

"Right-Oh. So, did you write about all of the seasons?"

"Yup! My teacher let me. She said, Noah, you have a good point, and then said we can jus' write about our fav'rite parts of all da seasons." Pearl finally retrieved the ball and ran it back to Noah. She proudly rose to her hind legs and Noah giggled. "Good job, girl! Don't let those other dogs in'tim'date ya!"

"Noey," Sarah said, "Where did you learn that word?"

"Daddy," Noah said matter-of-factly, "He said G was in'tim'dated."

"You heard that?"

"Uh-huh. In da car." Once again, Noah screwed up his face, "In'tim'dated bad?"

"No, well, no, it's not bad to say," Sarah said, "It's a big word so I'm impressed. But, anyway, what's the best part of summer?"

"Da beach!"

"The worst part?"

"You know when we go to da dock to get on da boat? There's some metal on da dock?"

"Yeah."

"That burns my feet."

"Yeah, that sucks. You have to wear your flip flops. Okay. Fall. Best part?"

"My teacher calls it Autumn," Noah said.

"Whatever. What's your favorite part of Autumn?"

"Da leaves!" Noah grinned and let the dogs wait a minute so he could turn and respond, "Daddy always takes us to see da leaves and we go to da apple farm! And it's Halloween! And Thanksgiving! Wait, Sare Bear, Thanksgiving winter or fall?"

"Technically fall but sometimes it feels like winter. Okay, spring! What's best?"

Noah cocked his head and grinned. "Dis is a nice spring day," he said, "Dis is da best thing about spring."

Sarah nearly burst into tears. If she had any lingering doubts about her decision, Noah had squashed them all. She practically dove toward Noah and crushed him with her hug.

"I rhymed, Sare Bear," he said with his face smashed against her shoulder; if he was startled by the sudden display of affection he didn't show it. "Spring, thing." He grinned, anticipating her usual retort.

"You're a poet and you don't know it," Sarah said in a shaky voice.

"Like Edgar Allen Poe!"

"Wait a minute, you're learning Poe?"

"Quoth the raven, nevermore!"

"Noah," Sarah said, "I am going to have to have a serious conversation with that teacher of yours."

…

Olivia slid into bed next to Ed and, as was her routine, nestled herself against his chest. She played with his fingers and let her eyes droop even though her mind was racing. Ed could tell she wasn't completely settled for the night. He kissed her head and held her tight.

"Olivia Margaret…"

"Do you think Maggie was normal tonight?"

"I don't ever think she's normal."

"Ed."

"Yes," he said, "I think she was very normal."

"She swore she was over the whole Mia thing, but I don't believe her. I think she's going to always have a chip on her shoulder."

"Sounds familiar."

"It does?"

Ed chuckled, "You remember when we got together? You mean to tell me you didn't have a chip on your shoulder? That Barba didn't have one? Fin, Rollins, they all did..." Ed trailed off and readjusted his hold on his wife, "People build up things in their minds, Liv. It takes a long time to reverse some of those preconceived notions. The only person in your orbit who didn't have a chip on his shoulder was Carisi because he didn't really have reason to. But all those other people managed to get used to the idea of us. So...Maggie will do the same thing. She'll get used to it."

"Those people also saw how happy you made me," Olivia said.

"Yeah...I'm sure that was a little part. But they had to get over the other stuff to see it."

"And the same thing will happen with Maggie...I hope."

Ed took a deep breath, "You and I are both worried about the same thing Maggie's worried about. But we see how Mia makes that kid so happy. Sarah and Brooke used to tease me about how I'd light up when I saw you. That's what I see with Noah. And so do you."

"He does," Olivia agreed. She fell silent for a few seconds and enjoyed the sensation of her head resting on Ed's chest. "Hey...you don't light up anymore when you see me?"

"Oh, I do," Ed replied, "To everyone, though, it's so normal. Not worthy of a huge deal. But you being my wife is always gonna be a huge deal to me."

"I know," Olivia said softly, "Do you think Mia feels like Noah loving her is a huge deal? Do you think she gets it?"

"I don't know. But I have a hunch we're gonna find out soon."

"I'm getting nervous."

"Like you told Maggie. I trust Noah. He's got a solid head on his shoulders."

"But you men do wacky things when you're in love."

"That's true," Ed replied, laughing softly, "We'll keep an eye on him."

…..

G rolled her eyes at her phone. Now Brooke was calling her? What was wrong with these people? Didn't they have their own shit to deal with? Damn. And Brooke? She had always been on the periphery. G didn't even know Brooke. If Olivia deployed her in order to extract more information, well, that would be seriously disappointing.

"Hey," Brooke said, "I don't know if you remember me, I"m Sarah's sister?"

"Of course I remember you," G replied hesitantly.

"Oh, okay, good," Brooke said. "Well, we're planning a reunion for August in Delaware and I'm wondering if you have any decent catering connections. Of course, we can Google and everything but we figured you may know someone because of your job. My grandmother's going to make a lot of the dishes, but it'll be so much easier if we have some staples in bulk."

"Sure," G said as she fought a pang of guilt for doubting Olivia, "How many people?"

"Probably close to a hundred," Brooke said, "Assuming everyone shows up."

"Wow," G said, "That's quite a party. I can definitely send you some names. I don't know if they would do a long distance job, but they might know people through the grapevine. Can you email me?" G waited for Brooke to get a paper and pen and dictated her email address. "Let me know if you need anything else," she added.

"Will do, thanks," Brooke replied, "Oh, and, my grandmother says hello."

G smiled, "Tell her I said hi back."

"And she says thank you and that she owes you a loaf of soda bread. You'll be on the list for this weekend's batch. But, you may have to go and get it yourself."

G heard Caroline chastise Brooke in the background and chuckled.

"Correction," Brooke said, "One way or another, it will be delivered."

"Either way, I'm grateful," G said, "I'll be in touch with a few options."

…

Despite Sarah's clean up efforts, Noah arrived at home grubbier than usual, so Olivia sent him directly into the shower. She unpacked his backpack, checked the homework folder, and noticed his math and reading pages were already completed.

"We were low-key," Sarah said, "Dog park then we ordered sushi and did homework while we waited. Easy stuff. He was done in fifteen minutes. Oh, and he wrote an essay today in school about his favorite season. Except he argued with the teacher that choosing one season was unfair and won the argument."

"He argued with the teacher?" Olivia asked, wide-eyed.

"I exaggerate," Sarah grinned, "He said he was having trouble choosing a favorite."

"I'm with the lad," Ed muttered, "And I'm proud of him for speaking his mind. Good for him."

"Well, I'm going to skedaddle," Sarah said, "Justy awaits!"

"Wait," Olivia said, "How are you? I feel like it's been weeks since we've seen you!"

"Other than missing you all terribly, I'm good," Sarah forced a serious expression, "You are never allowed to leave without us again, 'kay?"

"Can't promise that," Ed replied.

"Oh! Wait until you try out our new hot tub!" Olivia added gleefully.

Sarah winked and started for the foyer, "Hot tub, eh? That must have been...a nice way to...unwind after the kiddies were asleep."

"Oh it was," Ed replied as if he didn't detect Sarah's innuendo.

Sarah smiled dreamily and clutched both hands to her heart before she disappeared into the hallway. Ed rounded the corner from the foyer to the kitchen and put his arms around his wife. "I'm about ready to unwind," he growled into her ear, nipping her lobe a bit.

Olivia rubbed his forearms and tilted her head back against his shoulder, "I'm ready for some you and me time, too. Want to wait until everyone's asleep to order dinner? We can have a little picnic in our room?"

"Readin' my mind."

The timer on the oven dinged. The twins' chicken nuggets were done. After a streak of mostly home cooked meals, Maggie and Wyatt were being served an old, convenient standby on this particular night. They didn't mind, but Olivia always felt a little bad passing off the nuggets and macaroni and cheese as dinner, especially when both she and Ed had plenty of time to prepare their meals. Oh well, she thought, at least they tossed in some veggies with the pasta.

"Ed...Maggie and Wyatt...dinner…" He was reluctant to release his wife.

"Tell me what your favorite season is," he said, the topic of Noah's essay still on his mind.

"I thought you agreed the question was unfair."

"I did, but, I still wanna know."

"Winter," Olivia said, "Some of my favorite memories of us happened in winter and, if it gets too cold, I know you'll take me away to somewhere warm."

"Good answer, Benson," Ed replied, "And you're absolutely right. All ya gotta do is say the word."

….

#Tuckson