164. Sorry for the delay! I try to update each week but was off the grid last weekend! Stay safe and strong out there!

Having grown up in a fairly large immediate family and with cousins and aunts and uncles housed mere blocks away, Ed never gave much extra appreciation to get-togethers. But, since the first time he saw Olivia react to being surrounded by family, he made sure to pause and savor both the simplicity and good fortune of birthdays, holidays, and impromptu dinner gatherings. He remembered how, on that first Thanksgiving together, she and Noah quickly became wrapped up in the folds of the Tucker family, thanks mostly, to Caroline who cradled Noah and doted on Olivia as if they had always been there. Many times during that day Ed caught a glimpse of Olivia smiling uncontrollably and, once, brushing a tear away from her eye when she thought no one was looking. No celebration went by without Olivia expressing similar emotions, and Ed always found a way for the two of them to carve out a moment of tender alone time.

" IMMA SIDE! MY TURN!"

"ONE-OOO-FREE GO!"

"YEEEEEEEOWWWWW!" This was Noah, reacting to Maggie spraying him with frigid water fresh from the garden hose. Sofia drifted behind Noah, apparently figuring it was the safest place in the yard.

The adults looked on from the deck and laughed.

Ed glanced at Olivia. Their tender alone time would be difficult to pin down this afternoon.

The idyllic day began that morning with Noah, Olivia, and Ed singing Happy Birthday to the twins in their bedroom. Both Wyatt and Maggie appeared confused at first. After all, they were usually the first two Tuckers awake in the morning, and even when they weren't, seven a.m. serenades weren't the norm. When the song was over, Wyatt sat up, looked across the room at his sister with still-sleepy eyes, held up three fingers, and said, matter-of-factly, "Buhrday three, Magg!" Maggie, even at her tender age, understood what birthdays entailed, and her eyes shot wide open. She began babbling about cake and presents and Grandma's house, but neither she nor Wyatt knew what else was in store for them. When they arrived Riverdale and Noah introduced them to the waterslide-and also the hose-the twins nearly fell over in a delighted stupor. They had been sliding and dunking themselves in the small pool at the end of the run for over an hour and showed no signs of weariness or boredom.

"You better get your rest, Justin," Caroline teased, referring to his Ireland-related babysitting duties.

Justin shrugged and asked, "Can we borrow your backyard? This might be a good way to get them to sleep well."

"Very good point, young man."

Olivia, who was surprisingly holding up well at the thought of spending a week five-thousand miles away from the twins, patted Justin on the shoulder and said, "I'm so glad your Mom is going to help out. They're cute, but they can be a handful."

"For some reason," Sarah said, "Justin has serious endurance when it comes to babysitting. I think it's because you grew up around a million cousins."

"Balance is the key," Justin replied sagely, "You run around for a little while then draw. Race cars or something and then read a book."

"Yeah," Brooke added, "Sarah you go full steam and then crash."

"That I do."

Ed was sitting opposite Justin, and Olivia shifted to lean in her husband's direction, "We have to remember to pack Noon Balloon for Wyatt," she said under her breath even though Justin would have access to the apartment in case they forgot or needed anything and they never forgot Wyatt's favorite book.

"We will," Ed kissed her hand and shouted into the yard for Noah to straighten the end of the slide. He tried his best, but the edge had become tangled and doubled under itself and Ed went to help. As he approached, Maggie and Wyatt ran to the hose and pulled the trigger. The initial force knocked the twins off balance and the stream wildly shot across the yard, hitting both Ed and Noah and sending a few droplets onto the deck.

"Hey!" Sarah shouted, "You two better be good or no presents!"

"MY PESENT SAH!" Maggie shouted back.

"I dunno," she said, "If you get us wet I might take the presents back!"

Wyatt ran over to the driveway, grabbed a towel that was draped over the Little Tykes basketball hoop, and brought it to Sarah. "Here, Sah. Dy off."

Everyone burst into laughter. Maggie might have had the courage to gamble with presents, but Wyatt was certainly not willing to take the risk. Sarah thanked him for the towel and asked for a hug and a kiss. Wyatt was happy to dole out the affection, but he promptly shoved the towel back into Sarah's lap and ran back into the yard. Noah was now angling the hose in the air so the water showered down on Sofia and Maggie who were lying on their backs in the middle of the slide. Maggie's skin was already suntanned and it perfectly contrasted with the bright yellow plastic.

Ed escaped back to the deck, taking all three steps in one bound. "Dangerous out there," he said.

"We shoulda brought water balloons," Sonny said.

"Next time," Justin mumbled.

"Only if you two are cleaning them up!" Caroline shot back, "The last time, it was probably fifteen, twenty years ago, I was picking up damn pieces of balloon for months! They got caught in the lawn mower and the snow blower!"

"Grandma," Sarah said, "That is not true."

While Caroline bantered with her granddaughters, Ed wandered inside under the guise of refilling drinks, but he had an ulterior motive. Olivia had gone in while he was fixing the waterslide and had not reappeared. He found her in the kitchen putting together the cheese platter they'd brought. She arranged grapes and apple slices in the center and lined the edges with crackers and sliced baguette.

"Hey there," he stood intentionally too close to Olivia and leaned against the formica countertop that was cracked and chipped in several places, but, whenever Ed asked about replacing it, Caroline insisted it was unnecessary. The galley kitchen was so narrow, Ed could stay where he was and place the sole of his foot on the opposite wall. He imagined the next owners would gut the entire back of the house, create one area out of the kitchen and dining room, or, maybe, get rid of the dining room altogether.

"Hi," Olivia cooed, unknowingly rescuing him from the darker depths of his daydream, "Hungry?"

"A little."

Olivia fed him a piece of cheese on a cracker and followed it with a grape. Ed kissed her while he was still chewing. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Want to carry this out?" She eyed his shirt, "I was positive you'd need to change."

"Maggie took it easy on me."

"Lucky you," Olivia grabbed a handful of his shirt and kissed him again. "You know, I freaked out for a second thinking we forgot the bikes."

"I did the same thing when we pulled up."

"We didn't forget them, did we?"

"Nope." The night before, Ed and Noah loaded the bikes into the back of the SUV and covered them with a blanket. Noah giggled at how the twins would be riding in the car, inches from the coolest birthday presents ever, and not even know it.

"I think Noah tried out his first two-wheeler at this house," Olivia said.

"I believe you're right."

Noticing the twinkle in his eye, Olivia cocked her head, "What?"

"Just thought about how I assumed we wouldn't get a second alone until much later."

"Well, surprise," she whispered. "We're alone."

The kisses became increasingly more heated and passionate. Ed, only half joking, whispered that they should sneak upstairs. Olivia laughed and clasped her hands together behind his neck. As much as ducking away could be fun and thrilling, she explained there was no way she could enjoy herself when the entire family, at any moment, could appear at the door. She imagined scrambling for clothes or a sheet while all their faces peered in.

"Yeah, that would be bad," Ed admitted.

"So," Olivia handed over the platter, "Snacks and drinks."

"Yes ma'am."

….

Olivia could tell something was bothering Ed from the second she walked into the bar. He was a little stiff and his grumbly sense of dry humor was nowhere to be found. The kiss he surreptitiously planted on her cheek felt obligatory rather than-how did it usually feel? When Ed kissed her, wherever he kissed her, it felt special, deliberate, and perfectly planned, not so mundane and workaday like this one had been. But, Olivia pretended not to notice and tried to be cheerful while using her keen detective skills to discern what was wrong.

She told a Carisi anecdote-his groveling and go-getter personality always amused Ed-but the tale only resulted in a half-hearted smirk. "Okay, Captain," she said firmly yet still wearing a grin, "Spill it."

"Huh?"

"Ed."

He shrugged. Oh well, he thought, I tried. But, the truth was, he wanted her to question him. He didn't want to keep this to himself, but he felt obligated to do so. She'd had a terrible first few months of the year. Who was he to demand anything more than what she was already giving to their relationship? Don't demand it, he thought to himself before speaking. Tell her how you feel but don't pressure her. Just...Tell. Her.

"It crossed my mind today," he began in a soft, unsteady voice, "When we were tossin' around ideas of where to meet, that we're kinda livin a double life and I, I dunno, I just wish it weren't like that."

"A double life?"

"Yeah," Ed replied, getting more comfortable but also hoping he wasn't about to destroy any chances he had at taking them to the next relationship level, "We go away for a weekend or have a couple of nights together and it's so good. Then we have to sneak around to see each other like we are right now. It's, at the risk of sounding like a teenager, not fair."

"Ed-"

He interrupted her by grabbing her wrists, "Liv, can you just tell me it won't always be like this?"

Shocked, she stared at him and her jaw dropped slightly. Emotions she couldn't quite pinpoint bubbled inside her chest. Was she angry? Ready to storm out? Sad? Scared? All of the above? Ed had never been so transparent about the clandestine nature of their relationship prior to tonight. They were both private people, so the unspoken secretiveness suited them both fine. Until now. Ed wanted more. He wanted to hold her hand and kiss her on the sidewalk without thinking twice about it. On Saturday mornings when they were together, he wanted to take them out to breakfast instead of ordering in or going out to pick up bagels. Plain with strawberry cream cheese for Noah. Sesame and veggie for her. Everything and scallion for him. How could she respond in anger to this man who now knew her inside and out-everything from the trivial (Bagels!) to the monumental (Lewis!)-when all he desired was to totally and completely love her and her son?

"It won't always be like this," she said in a voice so low Ed had to lean in to hear. She started to say something else but decided to leave it at that. They'd already been through this in one form or another many times, but that in itself was the issue. Their conversations about where they stood with one another were always couched in careful, non threatening contexts. Ed had simply laid bare what they'd been discussing for the past few months in between the job-related stops and starts..

"Thank you." He gently kissed her on the lips and waited for a response.

"How do you know I'm not just saying what you want to hear?"

Ed pinched a lock of her hair at the precise spot where it bent into a wave. He pursed his lips and replied, "You wouldn't do that."

Olivia cocked her head and peered at him as she had started to do around last Thanksgiving. She studied him with interest, continually amazed that she had missed, or, perhaps, not had the opportunity to see this man for all he was until it was almost too late. Maybe he was right. Maybe Lindstrom was right. Maybe her gut was right. Maybe she did deserve him. She did deserve to be the most important person in another adult's life. Perhaps it was time to stop fighting her own insecurities.

"No, I wouldn't." She finally said.

He rubbed his thumb across the top of her hand. "You want to get outta here?"

"Your place?"

Now Ed's face broke into the familiar, genuine, naughty Tucker smirk.

Olivia teased, "I mean, it's not out in the open, but.."

Ed tossed a twenty dollar bill on the bar, "There's a time and place for everything," he said with a wink. On the way out he put his hand on the small of her back only to take it away once they were outside. They walked in lockstep, side by side, at a friendly distance, not Ed's preference, but he'd make up for it later. Despite not nailing down a more permanent answer, he was at ease. Baby steps. He was okay with baby steps. As long as they were moving forward.

"Ed?"

The light had changed and Olivia grabbed his elbow, prompting him to cross the street before the crowd overran him.

"Oh, yeah, sorry." The words may have disappeared in the cacophony of the street noise, but he didn't care. He and Olivia were making their way forward.

Together.

…...

The bikes floored Maggie and Wyatt. Ever since they were old enough to sit up in their stroller, they had watched Noah zip around on his scooter or his bicycle. Now, the twins were skilled at riding their scooters, but riding the scooters didn't compare to operating a bike. The tiny Treks, one green and one purple, even with training wheels, represented a degree of freedom and independence previously out of the twins' reach. As they dashed to the bikes, Olivia and Ed could practically see their little minds swirling with possibilities. Noah helped them strap on the helmets he'd picked out-pink for Maggie and blue for Wyatt, the colors painted so as to resemble flames-and grabbed his old, smaller bike he stored at Caroline's for days like this one. Ed offered to load up Noah's regular bike, but he declined, saying it would make the twins too "spicious."

Ed adjusted the seat height and turned the pedals so Maggie and Wyatt could easily push forward. The twins rocked back and forth in attempts to get moving, so Noah wheeled around next to them and demonstrated. With a little help from Olivia and Ed, the twins slowly steered down the driveway, following Noah. Their first turns were a little wobbly, but, with their parents jogging alongside, the first spin on big kid bikes turned out to be a success. Maggie and Wyatt gained confidence and eventually attempted and made turns on their own without careening into the front yard or the patch of grass between the street and sidewalk. They were much slower than their older brother, though, and Noah, ever the patient and supportive sibling, cheered them on and was careful not to set too fast a pace.

The sun was setting when Ed announced it was time to pack the bikes into the car and think about heading home.

Maggie frowned. "I ri'bike onna SLIDE!" Determined to carry out the plan she had in her head, she glared at Ed from under her helmet. Flecks of brown hair stuck to her cheeks and Ed was treated to a quick preview of a stubborn, dogged, teenage Margaret Caroline Tucker.

"Nope," Ed replied calmly, "We don't ride bikes on the slides. And it's time to go home and park the bikes for the night. You can ride again tomorrow."

"Ri'NOW!" Maggie shuffled her feet, taking the bike with her, and ended up stuck on the wet grass. "Can't PEDAL!" She wailed. "HELP!"

Wyatt ran over and tried to push the seat. Exerting all his strength to no avail, he looked helplessly back at Ed and Noah. The older brother laughed at the futility of both Maggie trying to pedal on the grass and Wyatt attempting to extract her. "Those babies gotta lot to learn," he said and turned back to the SUV.

Olivia appeared from inside and immediately knew what had transpired. Bracing for screams, she lifted Maggie into her arms. Sure enough, Maggie sniffled and let out a howl, but Olivia wasn't fooled. "No tears," she said with a chuckle, "You're okay, sweet girl. It's always hard to stop playing when we've had such a fun day."

"Fun dayyyyy," Maggie echoed in her whiniest voice.

"It won't be your last one, honey," Olivia kissed her cheeks and held her tightly and close even though the little girl was squirming, "Mommy promises you'll have many, many more."

…..

Olivia waited two days to ask Wyatt about the unusual reticence his teacher noticed. She and Ed fully intended to talk with him that afternoon, but the family went to the park and pub after school and the afternoon and evening were so idyllic and peaceful Olivia selfishly put off the conversation. On Thursdays Wyatt swam, so Olivia decided she'd talk to him then, just the two of them, as they walked home from the pool. Ed insisted he was okay sitting this one out. Wyatt had no reservations about opening up to either of his parents, but he and Olivia had a special bond when it came to pondering the ups and downs of life.

Wyatt strolled out of the locker room dressed in a navy Adidas tracksuit, the jacket of which was embroidered with the swimming team's logo. His brown hair, towel-dried and messy, smelled like chlorine even though the staff insisted they used a more environmentally and skin-friendly mix to keep the water clean. The amount of chlorine was one of those details Olivia and Ed chose not to worry about; as older parents they always joked they worried much less than their younger counterparts, at least about things like these which they'd managed to tolerate and survive as children.

"Lookit this," Wyatt grinned and held up his arm and showed his mother an oblong scrape resembling a rug burn. "I did my flip and crashed!" He shook his head, clearly baffled at his uncharacteristic mistake.

"Uh-oh," Olivia examined his arm, "Does it sting?"

"It did when Coach put one of those wipes on it but not anymore."

"Okay," Olivia gave the arm a quick kiss, cherishing the moment. One of these days Wyatt would balk at the affection, but, this time, he leaned into her for comfort. "We'll keep an eye on it."

"Coach said I crashed 'cause I was going too fast," Wyatt said through a giggle, "But my goggles were foggy."

"Time for new ones?"

Wyatt shrugged, "Maybe."

Olivia smiled. Once Wyatt attached himself to a pair of goggles he didn't easily part with them. "Or we can have Coach check them out and see if we really need new ones or not."

"Yeah." Wyatt brightened and asked, "Can we stop for a drink?"

"Of course." They always stopped. Wyatt never failed to ask, though. A stranger would assume smoothies and fancy, pressed-to-order juices were a rare treat when they were exactly the opposite. Olivia let Wyatt choose the location, because he had a few favorite cafes in the area. He chose a small, locally-owned shop and ordered his own cherry chocolate smoothie. Drinks in hand, Olivia suggested they sit down instead of going home right away. Wyatt chose a table by the window and took his first sip. He reacted as if he hadn't had the drink dozens of times before. "Good?" Olivia asked.

"Yup!"

After listening to a recap of swimming lessons and school, Olivia mentioned the visit two days earlier and admitted they were there to talk to his teacher. Wyatt screwed up his face for a second, then grinned and assumed Maggie was talking too much during art class.

"Miss Holly always says it's okay to talk with our friends when we're painting but Maggs always talks when she's showing us how!"

"Honey," Olivia said gently, "Your teacher wanted to talk to us about you."

Stunned, Wyatt sat back in the chair and the color drained from his face. The reaction would have been more entertaining if Wyatt hadn't been so horrified. Even Noah had been in mild "trouble" at school a couple of times, but Wyatt had never once been reprimanded.

"She said you've been quiet lately," Olivia explained, "And daydreaming. Looking out of the window during the day when you're usually working?"

"Oh," Wyatt's eyes fell to his lap. "Yeah. She's right."

Olivia struggled to keep a straight face. This child of hers was honest to a fault and so precious she hated knowing he was upset and also that he was suffering in silence. She hoped she hadn't passed on her "I'm fine" default attitude to her youngest son. "What's going on, honey?"

"Did you know when we're in school, Mari and Anthony and JJ are going to bed?"

"Yes, sweetie. I know. Isn't that strange to think about?"

"Uh-huh," Wyatt replied after another gulp.

"Have you been thinking about them a lot?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah."

Wyatt's tone suggested he was relieved Olivia posed the question, as if he hadn't quite put his finger on why he was in a bit of a funk until she pointed it out. Sensing a green light, Olivia continued.

"I miss them," Olivia said.

Wyat nodded and stared into the plastic cup. "It's weird how we used to see them almost every day and now they're in Spain. But I guess they had to go because they all speak Spanish."

"That's one reason why Sarah was okay with moving," Olivia said.

"What's the other reasons?"

"Well, she had a very good opportunity for her work," Olivia said, "And she and Justin thought it would be a good opportunity for them to live in another country and experience another culture. Not many people get to do that."

"Are we gonna do that?"

"No, sweetie. We're going to live in the United States. But, we travel a lot and we're always going to travel a lot, so that's how you'll experience other cultures. And when you grow up, maybe you'll decide you want to live in a different country." Olivia's heart skipped a beat as soon as she said the words.

"And we live here," Wyatt said, "Lotta cultures here."

"You are so right," Olivia said, "And so smart."

Wyatt flashed a shy grin.

"Honey, it's okay to miss Sarah and Justin and the kids. We all miss them."

"I know," Wyatt said, "But when I think about them I keep thinking about them and what kind of school there is and their house and all kinds of stuff. I see the pictures and the videos and even the Face Time but.."

"It's not enough?"

Wyatt shook his head.

"Hopefully we'll be able to see all of it in person this summer," Olivia said.

"We're really gonna go?"

"I don't see why not-"

"-but-"

"-let's keep that between you and me," Olivia said.

"I thought Noah was just playing around," Wyatt said.

"He kind of is," Olivia said, "But he's also helping us with travel research."

Wyatt laughed, "Dad just wants to pay and get on the plane."

"Right."

"I hope we can see the beach when we're there," Wyatt said.

"We will. I bet it's beautiful."

"I wonder what the water's like…"

Wyatt stared outside and surely was imagining himself cutting across the waves on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Olivia let him daydream for a few minutes and realized she didn't need to be very concerned after all. Curious about the inner workings of everything, Wyatt sorted out uncertainties in his mind, and solutions always led to more questions. When he thought about Sarah and her job, he probably wondered how she got to her office each morning which might lead him to debate whether or not Barcelona had a subway system and if it was similar to New York's. One simple tidbit of knowledge could weave a complicated web in Wyatt's imagination, so Olivia and Ed didn't actually have as tough a situation on their hands as they thought.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"You're staring outside."

"Oh, yes, honey, I was, I was thinking."

"Yeah," Wyatt said and exchanged a knowing smile with his mother, "Me too."

….

Ed heaved himself onto the bed, closed his eyes, and silently counted to sixty, allowing only that much time to elapse before he rolled over and initiated the sex they'd alluded to earlier. Getting the kids packed up and home turned out to be only half the battle. Instead of falling asleep in the car, Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt sang along to songs on the kids radio station. Even when Ed switched to an 80s channel, the trio made up words or simply chanted gibberish to the tune. Upstairs, Olivia helped the twins put their new toys away, managed to get them into the bathtub and into pajamas, but, before she could settle them down for a story, Maggie and Wyatt plopped themselves down next to the toy box as if it were morning and they were starting a new day.

Olivia shrugged and joined Ed in the kitchen for a glass of wine. It was their birthday, she reasoned and they would hopefully sleep in tomorrow. They watched Wyatt put Legos in the airplane Caroline had given him-it had doors that opened and the cabin was large enough for a couple of handfuls of the blocks-and Maggie fill her purse with as many odds and ends as she could find. Wyatt flew the blocks to Noah, who was constructing something under the train table, and Maggie dumped the contents of the purse onto the track.

"Maggs!" Noah said, "What are you doin?"

"An'mals onna train!" Maggie started to run back to the toy box. Noah got up to stop any further damage. Maggie took off, thinking Noah was going to chase her, made a loop around the living room, came back to the rug, spun around once, and doubled over in a fit of giggles.

"Small sister," Noah said, "You're nuts!"

Maggie proceeded to climb onto a chair, then the table, peer, and before Ed reached her she shouted, "I'm da BIG SISSER!"

It was ten-thirty before the apartment was quiet and almost eleven before Ed confirmed everyone was asleep.

He finished the countdown, opened his eyes, and reached across the bed to playfully tug at Olivia's ponytail. "You asleep?"

"No. Scrolling headlines."

"Anything interesting?"

"Not really."

"I like your hair like this," he said boyishly.

"Thank you," she replied, "But I thought your favorite was down?"

"Actually, it's that halfway thing you do."

"It is?"

"Best of both styles."

Olivia grinned. She was a split second from meeting him in the center of the mattress when Sarah's face appeared on her phone's screen. Ed audibly groaned when Olivia answered.

"Livvie! I forgot to ask you-"

Sarah's voice was loud enough for Ed to hear loud and clear without speakerphone.

"What's that?" Olivia asked.

"About G! I saw the Barba guy coming out of her apartment! And when I asked her about it she totally shut me down so I was wondering...any gossip for me? Are they, like, did she do a campaign thing for him, and are they, well, together?"

Considering G's situation, Olivia felt a tiny bit bad bursting into laughter, but she did anyway. "No," she said, "I can assure you they are not together."

"Are you positive?"

"Yes."

"Livvie...I've never doubted you. It's-"

"Eleven-thirty," Ed muttered into the phone.

"Sor-ry!" Sarah retorted. "But, yeah, you must be ti-wait-you're not tired, you're-"

"Bye Sare. Have a good night."

Ed pushed the red end call button. He had to practically crawl over Olivia to put it on her nightstand and felt her laughing even harder at his antics. He rested on his forearms and watched her breathing even out. Her cheeks were flushed, eyes bright, and a little makeup had collected under each bottom lid. She was gorgeous all the time, but especially now, at the end of a perfect day, tired yet blissfully happy, her fingers on her back getting more insistent with each passing second.

"Ready to get some sleep?" He joked but did his best to sound serious.

"Ed!"

"What?"

"Don't be silly."

"But I wanna be silly with you," Ed nuzzled her neck in a spot he knew was ticklish, "I wanna be really, really silly with you, Olivia Margaret." He abruptly stopped to stare into her eyes and added, "For the rest of our lives."

….

#Tuckson