167.

Every year, students at Noah's school celebrated National Loving Day in June to commemorate the landmark Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia. Each teacher led students in grade-appropriate assignments, and, in first grade, the students were tasked with making a collage of photographs representing their own definitions of love. Noah's skill with the iPad, laptop, and apps continually amazed Ed and Olivia, so when he politely brushed off their help they didn't argue. The stroke of independence stung a little, but first grade had not posed much of a challenge to their precocious, intelligent son. There would be plenty of requests for parental assistance in the future. They did ask to see the finished project and were eager to hear Noah explain how the images fit the assignment's theme and Noah was excited to do so; however, the Tucker family experienced a couple of mini-crises (a tantrum about dessert, a bruised knee, and a finger slammed in a cabinet) the night before the project was due. Everyone was distracted, and Ed and Olivia soothed their brood by reading books all together on the big bed. It wasn't until the next afternoon that they had a chance to see Noah's work.

His collage was bordered in green and blue and he'd even put filters on two of the photographs. This was not Noah's first production of the type, and, like the times before, he made sure his entire family was represented somewhere in the images. Olivia and Ed had to hide their shock and mortification, though, when they saw the bedroom selfie they'd recently taken positioned in the upper right corner. There they were-smiling and smirking-their dark-rimmed glasses and bare shoulders standing out against the white sheets.

"Oh God," Olivia murmured.

Noah didn't hear her because he was explaining why he'd chosen that particular photo. "Dis is Mommy and Daddy. S'you!" He grinned and put his head on Ed's shoulder. "And you're goals."

No longer able to contain himself, Ed burst into soft laughter, "Goals, huh?"

"Yep! Dat's what Sare Bear says!"

Noah continued talking, but Ed and Olivia had a hard time concentrating on his words. When he finished, they gave him sincere accolades, emphasized their pride, and he skipped off to play with the twins.

"Ed!" Olivia hissed. "How did he find that picture?"

Ed's entire body was shaking and he soon was laughing so hard he had trouble speaking.

"Ed!" Olivia implored once more, this time in a louder voice.

"He had my phone," Ed managed to say before erupting again into giggles. He caught his breath a moment later and added, "It might've gone to the cloud and he saw it on the iPad? I don't know."

"How many people saw that? They aren't putting it online are they? I need to call his teacher!"

"Liv," Ed grabbed her elbow, "If the teacher thought it was inappropriate, she would've called. And, ya know, it isn't that bad."

"Are you kidding? We're in bed! With no clothes on!"

"Nobody can tell."

"It doesn't take a huge stretch of the imagination to get to...there! To-"

"-Hey," Ed kissed her lips, "It's fine. And I don't care."

"I do!"

"Do you really?" Ed rounded the island. He put his arms around her waist, tilted his head back, and smirked. "Do you really?"

Olivia sighed and forced all the tension out of her body. Her shoulders relaxed and she smiled back at her handsome husband whose eyes were twinkling so brightly they seemed powered by electricity. "I guess not," she replied softly.

"See?" Ed cocked his head playfully.

"We may be shunned from school events forever."

"Nah," Ed replied, "They love Noah too much."

"They do."

"And I love you A. Lot." Ed kissed and nuzzled her neck until she was yelping and squirming. He hadn't shaven in a couple of days and knew his whiskers would tickle. Olivia glanced out into the living room, but the kids were too focused on their own play to pay attention to the parents. "Noah's right," Ed whispered in her ear.

"Hmm?"

"Sarah, too."

"Oh, yeah," Olivia beamed, "It's true. We're goals."

…..

Ed had been hoping to invite Olivia out for a nice dinner. Somewhere quiet. Out of the way. Where they could continue their clandestine relationship yet pepper in some intimacy in a cozy atmosphere. But when he talked to her before leaving work, he could tell tonight was not the night for romance. There had been a hitch in her voice and she spoke in hushed, clipped sentences. Ed didn't take it personally; he only wanted to help get her mind off of whatever was bothering her. As usual he arrived at the appointed bar first. Unless he was called to a scene, his days typically ended before six. On this particular afternoon he left the office even earlier, took a stroll in the winter sunshine, and snuck in a couple of smokes, each puffed with a combination of satisfaction and guilt. Cigarettes were a shame, he thought. Perfect for boredom, for being angry, for being happy, a welcome accompaniment to a beer and a bourbon chaser, yet ultimately disgusting and life-threatening. For all the dangers, Tucker couldn't get rid of the emergency pack he kept in his desk. Olivia knew. She'd known, somehow, before he told her. When he mentioned how he was on his way to cutting them out for good, she grinned, put her hand on his arm, and said, "Good. We want to keep you around a little longer." That flirty sentence should have ended the addiction for good.

Whatever was bothering Olivia, he hoped, selfishly, would not cloud the couple of hours they had together. They'd been spoiled in November. Thanksgiving with his family had been delightful. Things at the precinct were slow. For a week afterward they lived a life like normal people. Home early. Dinners together. Playtime with Noah. A movie or a game, but, most of the time, they talked. Topics ranged from childhood anecdotes to more serious bits and pieces about relationships, love, and tragedy. Yet as Christmas approached, she was busy again and Ed felt more alone than ever.

So when she strolled in he may have jumped from the barstool a little too eagerly. She froze for a second, then, as if she suddenly realized Ed was Ed, gave him a hug and apologized for being so out of it. "I'm really getting tired of this script," she explained quickly, indicating she was not very interested in shop talk tonight, "He's going to get away with it. Skate on the felonies. I can see the entire road in front of us and I have no reason to think otherwise. Anyway. How was your day?" She was disgruntled, but the expression on her face told Ed she genuinely wanted to hear about his day if only to drown out hers.

"Three guys in back to back this morning. Then another one, uh, a woman," Ed always made sure to tread lightly when talking about an issue on which he believed Benson would have a strong opinion. "Her rep wanted another woman to handle the interview. Then wanted us outta the room. We'll watch the recording tomorrow."

"Can I ask-"

"-Bribery," Ed rolled his shoulders, "Based on the report, she did it. But it's more complicated. She's under a lot of pressure."

"She still needs to play by the rules."

Ed raised his eyebrows. "You and I both know that's easier said than done."

Olivia pressed her lips into a straight line and nodded.

"After that I had lunch and sat at my computer the rest of the day."

Olivia cocked her head. "Well that sounds awful."

Ed leaned in. "It was." He was seconds away from getting a kiss when Olivia jerked her head toward the television mounted in the nearest corner of the room. A mugshot was displayed on the screen with the words "Robert Morten found dead in cell" displayed on the ticker. Ed screwed up his face trying to place the guy.

"Good riddance," Olivia muttered. "Remember him?"

"No."

"Serial killer who claimed his murders were works of art?"

A light bulb went off in Ed's mind and his eyes brightened, "Oh yeah...the guy...he had women come to his trial like he was a celebrity."

"Yes!"

"Fucked up."

Olivia chuckled. Ed was certainly capable of uttering profanity, but hearing it was still an amusing novelty of knowing him on a more personal level.

"You think suicide?" Ed asked.

"No," Olivia replied, "He's a narcissist. He wouldn't do that."

They stared at the screen for a couple of minutes and gathered what information they could from the images and the ticker text. Ed stole a few peeks at Olivia, gauging her mood and deciding how much of what was on his mind he would express verbally. She didn't seem particularly upset or even interested in Morten.

"One of the toughest parts of the job, well, not mine, but yours and everyone else's, is this kinda stuff."

"What do you mean?"

"The perps. You know what happens to them. Most of the time. The vics? Not so much." Ed took a swig of his bourbon, "When I was just startin' out and I'd handle a domestic or an assault, whenever there was real harm done, you just don't get to trace everything to its end. I can still remember the old lady who was beaten up in an elevator...she's gotta be long dead now, but, that was one of my first calls, and I still think about it. Shitty way to live the rest of your life. In fear."

Olivia was listening so intently she hadn't been prepared for Ed to stop talking. She blinked. Smiled. Sipped her drink. She sensed he wanted to say more, or maybe she wanted to hear more, but, either way, she waited.

"So, my point is, or at least my assumption is, it must be hard to do the work you do and then one day have to let them go. You can't stay with everyone forever and make sure they're okay." Olivia was still completely silent and it made him nervous. He added, "That must be hard."

"It always is," Olivia said. "And I've seen so many cops who get jaded. Who see everything through a lens of futility, that what we do doesn't matter. But it does. I'm positive that's why I've lasted this long. No matter how excruciating the case, I can find some shred of hope. It might be miniscule, but it's there. When I can't find it anymore, then I'll know it's time to move on."

"What's moving on look like for you?"

Through a self-deprecating chuckle, Olivia replied, "I have no idea. What's it look like for you?"

"I dunno. I don't give it much thought."

"You're a day-to-day guy."

Ed wasn't about to break character and gush about all of the hours he'd spent daydreaming about being a husband to her and father to Noah. Instead, he smirked and said, "Most of the time."

"Most?"

"Yeah. Most. The exception being," Ed fidgeted a little and his eyes darted around the bar before refocusing on Olivia. He sat up straight and reached for her hand. "You want to have dinner with me this weekend? Or, can I make you dinner? Noah too if you want? It'd be nice to-"

"-take a break from our tour of the last remaining dive bars in Manhattan?"

Ed grinned sheepishly, "Yes. Exactly."

"We'd love for you to make us dinner."

"Saturday?"

"Saturday it is."

….

Last year, Kindergarten concluded with a great deal of pomp and circumstance. There was a graduation, a separate music and art show, and an after-hours meet-and-greet for kids, parents, and teachers. It all had a false sense of finality, for, ten weeks later, the very same kids and parents (give or take a few new kids and a few departures) would be resorted into first grade classes. Now that the end of the year was approaching, Olivia and Ed expected emails instructing them to buy certain outfits or reserve specific dates, but the only communication that arrived was the date parents could expect report cards to be available in the web portal. On the last day of school Noah's teacher handed out classroom awards, but, other than the spring concert that had been held two weeks prior, there were no other celebrations.

"Well, bud?" Ed asked while they strolled toward home, "What didja think of first grade?"

"I learned a lot," Noah said, "Research...math...lotsa math...and we're reading chapter books now! And it was fun with Mia and when Mateo came from Texas. Dad-"

"-Texas is on our travel list," Ed replied, "I promise."

"Thanks, Daddy."

"So," Olivia held Noah's awards folder, "I can't wait to see these certificates! Did you have a nice day celebrating with your class?"

"Eh, it was kinda boring. 'Cept when we talked about summer! Do you know what I talked about?" Noah asked the question in a sing-song voice and grinned.

Ed scratched his chin. Olivia twisted her lips.

"The beach?" Ed asked.

"No," Olivia said, "I bet he talked about sleeping in."

"Guys!"

"Oh," Olivia tapped Ed's arm, "Ireland!"

"YES!" Noah skipped between them and early doubled over with laughter. He held up a hand and counted off the days, "One, two, three, FOUR! Am I gonna sit next to you or Gramma or Brookey or Sare Bear on da airplane?"

"Good question," Olivia said, "The seats are in pairs. Two and two."

"Yeah, dat's how I go with Sare Bear to Florida."

Olivia and Ed exchanged amused glances.

"I'm gonna sit with Gramma," Noah decided after a minute or so of thought.

"She'll like that very much," Olivia said.

Noah suddenly slowed his half-skip gait as he realized they weren't taking the usual route home. "Why're we turning on dis street?"

"Well, honey, we have a stop to make," Olivia said mysteriously.

"Kay."

She and Ed led Noah to their regular neighborhood pub where they either ate in or took food to go once a week. He took the stop in stride but his jaw dropped when he saw his entire family waiting for him inside under a shimmery Congratulations banner. The group cheered and clapped their hands. Maggie, Wyatt, and Sofia stood in front and jumped up and down. Flattered yet slightly embarrassed, Noah's cheeks turned red and he ducked his head even though he was smiling. Brooke stepped forward and hugged him.

"Way to go, Noah! Congratulations on finishing first grade! We're so proud of you!"

Sarah chimed in, "There's no first grade graduation but we're going to have a party anyway! Look!" She motioned to the tables that had been pushed together behind her. Everyone stepped aside so Noah could see the cake and a few small wrapped presents.

"S'like my birthday," he whispered and stepped toward Olivia.

Olivia cupped his head. "Kind of, because birthdays are celebrations, too. And we think finishing grades deserves a celebration, especially since we're all so proud of you, honey."

Noah grinned, crouched, and gently admonished his siblings, "Babies! You knew 'bout da surprise? And you didn't tell?"

"G'job at skoo, NO!" Maggie swiped one of the presents from the table and handed it to him.

"Pesent!" Wyatt shouted. "Issa camma!"

Sonny cracked up, "Way to keep it a surprise, Wyatt!"

"No, no," Caroline stepped in, "Open mine first."

"How bout we sit down and-"

"Eddie, hang on now, Noah my boy, open this right now for your Grandma. I got it on Amazon and you're going to love it."

"I love Amazon," Noah said. He tore into the present and went slack-jawed again at the contents. Caroline had given him a small, pocket-sized journal with a matching pen. Both items were printed with the flag of Ireland. "Wow…"

"So you can write down everything you see and do on our trip," Caroline said.

Noah hugged her tightly, "Thank you, Gramma."

"You're welcome, my dear. And, if you don't know how to spell something, ask Brookey. Sare Bear can't spell worth a darn."

"Grandma! That's so wrong. On many levels!"

"We should have a spelling bee," Noah said, "On da airplane."

Sarah grinned, "Now wouldn't the other passengers just love that? I'll start studying. In the meantime-Shirley Temples for all! Well, for those under the age of twenty-one at least."

"Gramma?" Noah asked, "You gonna have a Shirley Temple like me?"

"Of course, my boy," Caroline said, "With a little gin mixed in."

…..

The night before they left for Ireland with only three-fifths of their combined children, Ed and Olivia decided the best thing to do was to smother the twins with hugs and kisses at home and leave them with Justin after a quicker goodbye. They carried out the plan almost to perfection (before leaving Olivia went back for one more group hug). Aside from a few tears shed in the elevator, it was a fairly low-key farewell. There was excitement ahead, and Olivia and Ed knew the twins would be doted on and well cared for. After a deep, cleansing breath, they hopped into a cab and headed back uptown to load their luggage and their seven-year-old who was excited beyond words for the most amazing trip of his young life.

Justin had an adventure of his own on his hands.

The twins never put up a fuss when separated from their parents, so they simply went about the business of finding something to play with after Ed and Olivia left. Familiar with the layout of the apartment, Maggie wandered into the guest bedroom and Wyatt dragged the art supplies out of the hall closet. Delighted at finding new tubs of Play Doh, he gathered as many as he could carry and ran to Justin. Maggie appeared with her own armful of Barbie dolls. Justin cringed. The toys weren't very compatible, and he imagined dried clay in the Barbies' hair and wrapped up in their clothes. Luckily, he didn't have to fret for long.

"Jussy, bush da hair," Maggie handed him a small brush and one of the Barbies whose tangled mess of straw-colored hair probably had not been groomed since Sarah was in elementary school.

"Uh, okay," Justin quickly helped Wyatt extract the Play Doh from the cans. Wyatt giggled at the suction sound it made, and, after that, he got to work. With Wyatt occupied, Justin got started on taming the Barbie's hair.

"Do'hurt her!" Maggie instructed.

"I'll try not to," Justin replied, "But she needs to take better care of her hair. Like brush it more than once every twenty years."

"Do a pony."

"Oh, good, I can do a pony and not brush this."

"BRUSH FIRST!"

Justin grinned at his young boss, "Yes ma'am." Wyatt started singing a little song as he rolled the Play Doh. "Want some music?" He asked.

"Pay kids bop," Wyatt mumbled.

"Kids Bop? Okay."

Justin spoke into the remote control. The first song started playing and the twins sang along. Justin had not been at all apprehensive about caring for Maggie and Wyatt, but he wanted them to be happy and had spent several nights with Sarah brainstorming things to do. However, Justin was slowly realizing the twins wouldn't need much structure, could communicate what they wanted, and were very adept at entertaining themselves. He felt confident and content. With everything except Barbie doll grooming practices.

"Duh' wi' hair, Jussy?" Maggie asked.

"Uh, no," Justin helplessly held up the doll. " But I'll keep trying."

…

Noah and Wyatt correctly predicted their chances of camping would be higher if Maggie asked first. They had engineered enough outings to know their sister would shoot too high, but her pitch more often than not softened up their parents for a counteroffer. The strategy had been employed successfully for everything from dinner plans to vacations.

The kids stormed into the apartment hungry and chatty. Perpetually overcome with relief when they burst through the door, Olivia hugged them all, even Noah, who had never been embarrassed at his mother's affection but also accepted she would never dial back the hugs and kisses. They tossed backpacks aside, changed clothes, and returned to the kitchen where they started devouring the cheese, crackers, and apple slices prepared for them.

"Mom, can we go wild camping?" Maggie asked. "This weekend?"

"Wild camping?"

"Yeah. Our teacher went wild camping and I wanna go. So does Wyatt. And Noah."

"What's wild camping?" Ed asked. He munched on an apple slice and appeared open to the idea. Wyatt nudged Noah and smiled, thinking he'd done so surreptitiously.

"It means you hike to the spot," Maggie explained, "You don't drive to it. Then you just live with what you have. You make a fire with sticks. You might have to kill a deer for food. It's not an official campground."

Olivia burst into laughter. Maggie delivered the information with utmost sincerity and Noah and Wyatt were playing along. Ed managed to keep a steely expression, but the kids had made a significant breakthrough.

"If we kill a deer you're gonna have to skin it, cut all the raw meat…" Ed said.

"GROSS!" Maggie made retching sounds.

Noah and Wyatt seized the opening.

"Well," Noah said, "We could go up to a regular campground where they have all the stuff."

"Bathrooms?" Olivia asked.

"A couple of places have nice bathrooms," Wyatt said, "And showers but we can get cleaned up in the river." He smiled sweetly at his mother.

Olivia smiled back. Of all the kids, Wyatt was the toughest to resist. He was innocently persuasive and his face was filled with pure optimism and joy. Who could say no to this child?

The kids thought they were outsmarting their parents, but, the truth was, Ed and Olivia agreed to just about anything they suggested. Whatever their trio wanted to do, they usually made it happen. A decade ago, during the Ireland trip with Noah, they agreed they would give their kids as many adventures and experiences they could handle. Getting together later in life had its drawbacks, but being retired with two healthy pensions and decades' worth of savings was a huge advantage most couples did not have.

"Tell ya what," Ed said, "You find the campground. Make a list of what we need. And we'll go. But not this weekend."

"Why not?" Maggie shot back. She was certain they had this weekend in the bag.

Ed showed her his phone. "Rain. All weekend. Sounds like pretty miserable camping weather to me."

Bested, Maggie grinned. "You're smart, Daddy."

"Smart enough to check an app at least."

Noah and Wyatt laughed.

Maggie rolled her eyes. "C'mon brothers," she said, "Let's get to work!"

….

#Tuckson