169.

The walk back to the hotel was a blur either due to the whiskey flights or the mutual desire for one another. Had they been able to go back and witness themselves on the sidewalk, Ed and Olivia would have both marveled at how casual they looked strolling arm-in-arm because the urge was real and they wasted no time getting down to business once inside the suite. They kissed in front of the large window unbothered by the drapes being open and gradually shimmied out of their clothes. Ed nipped at Olivia's neck and backed her toward the bed only to cause her to trip over the ottoman. She fell backwards onto the mattress, taking him with her, and they crash landed, laughing and kissing and feeling like the luckiest people on Earth.

"You okay?" Ed asked through a chuckle.

"Yes," Olivia said. She decided against teasing him, for he would rather chew and swallow broken glass than hurt her. It was one type of joke they kept off limits. She rolled him onto his back and let her hair hang in his face. "This has been one of the best days of my life, Ed."

"Mine too."

She kissed all over his body until Ed decided he'd been doted on enough. He flipped her over and teased at her breasts with his lips and tongue, pausing occasionally for a split second to smirk at her throwing her head back and contorting her face with each moan. Once again he was caught between being desperate to extend the moment and eagerly anticipating what was ahead.

"Eddddd…"

He knew that tone, that plea. She wanted him. She needed him. Goddamn, he thought, not even the best sex in the world was better than Olivia Benson Tucker needing him and he perpetually got both.

He whispered, "Almost," and slowly worked his way back up her body, kissed her lips, and let one hand drift to her hip. "I love you, Liv," he rasped into her mouth, not giving her a chance to respond before kissing her.

In the throes of passion, Olivia did her best to watch her husband. He always made love to her as if he had something to prove and the determination showed on his face. They kept kissing even while switching positions and grinned when one of them was knocked off balance or when their teeth accidentally knocked together, but the best sound were their final moans and cries which they let loose with reckless abandon putting maybe too much trust in the century-old hotel walls.

"God," Olivia mumbled afterward.

"Turns out," Ed replied, "Three whiskey flights is damn good foreplay."

"Are we a little drunk?"

"Maybe. I don't give a fuck."

"Me neither." Olivia stroked his head and listened to his breathing for a minute or so. His body was draped over hers. The sheets and comforter had been shoved aside and hung off the sides of the mattress. "Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"You've never let me down."

He raised his head, "Why are ya sayin that?"

"I wanted you to know. You've never let me down. Ever. In any way. And I can't say that about anyone else I've ever known. At least, any adult. Well, maybe your mother-"

"-Liv? Do we have to bring my mother up now?"

She laughed and kissed his furrowed brow. "No. Tonight's all about you and me, Ed Tucker."

"Might be a little groggy tomorrow."

Olivia turned her head to get a view of the buildings outside. "I really don't think so. It's all too exciting. Traveling is exciting. Promise me," she stared deep into his eyes, "Promise me we'll go on a trip like this once a year. I don't care where. Once a year."

"Among other trips," Ed replied, "I promise."

…

Justin had grown up in a bustling, chaotic multigenerational home surrounded by siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles. The working class background brought its challenges, but there was no shortage of love in the Vidal household or on their block in the Bronx. Nevertheless, Justin learned quickly the value of independence. He broke the rules at school and surreptitiously sold candy and juice pouches out of his locker in order to have his own spending money. Once he was old enough to have a legit job, he delivered food for a local market and manned a fast food grill on the weekends all while excelling in school and helping to care for his ailing grandmother who passed away one day after witnessing him graduate from high school. His father was in and out of his orbit, but the women in his life doted on all the kids. He was never deprived of anything he needed. However, he had a precocious sense of the effects of conflict. From a young age he understood his family had its share of struggles; therefore, he kept his own problems to himself. Usually, he figured things out on his own.

He decided immediately, when he'd had a chance to think, that Sarah's omission did not equate to betrayal. It warranted discussion, not anger. But he couldn't shake the nagging question of why. Did she feel like she didn't need to bother Justin with such matters? Did she do it to protect him? To avoid uprooting their lives? Was the offer, whatever it entailed, not really even that good?

All of these questions raced through his mind late at night and in the presence of the sleeping twins and Pearl. Justin had unfolded the sleeper sofa so they could watch movies on the big screen and he wasn't interested in moving. At his sides were Maggie and Wyatt using Pearl as a pillow. The affection among the three of them was certainly mutual, but Pearl seemed to sense Wyatt was more prone to snuggling.

Another thing on Justin's mind was kids. He didn't feel ready to be a dad. There was way too much going on in their lives right now to think about having kids, but he hoped Sarah wasn't exaggerating when she told him she wanted children one day. So far, three days in, Justin was proving to himself that he could do it. And this was on his own! His mother had only come over to help the first day! And look at them! The twins were happy, maybe a little spoiled, and only showed signs of missing their parents and brother when they called. After talking to them, Wyatt would ask, "Where's NO?" And Maggie asked for her mother each morning. But they were both easily soothed. Justin held them and reminded them everyone was in Ireland and they'd be back soon. With presents. The mention of presents always helped.

He fell asleep at some point and awoke to urgent knocking at the door. Justin blinked. It was early. Not yet dawn. He didn't live in a building where random people could just stop by. Maggie, Wyatt, and Pearl were in exactly the same positions as they'd been a few hours earlier. It was shocking they hadn't woken up. Then again, they'd been indulged with junk food and allowed to stay up way later than, probably, ever before. Justin carefully extricated himself from the pile and went to the door where he found a harried G.

"Hey," he said, "Y'alright?"

"I am so sorry," she frantically brushed her hair out of her face.

Justin studied her face. Her skin looked pale and dry, like it could no longer stretch enough to cover the bone structure. Her expression indicated she had probably considered a million other options, including jumping from the building's rooftop, before knocking on the door.

"It's no problem," Justin said, "Come in. C'mon." He sensed he shouldn't touch her so he opened the door as wide as possible and stepped aside. She walked inside only far enough for Justin to be able to close the door. "It's okay," he said, "They're knocked out."

"How's all this going?"

"Real good actually. But, uh…"

G managed a weak smile of acknowledgement. She couldn't backtrack at this point. "I, um, well, I've been so busy. Really busy actually, and I haven't paid a lot of attention to a lot of things, but, um," G pulled out her phone and showed Justin a photograph, "Have you seen this guy around the building?"

Justin analyzed the photo. "No, I don't remember seeing him."

"I think he was here."

"Who is he?"

G closed her eyes for what seemed like an eternity.

"G?"

"Sarah didn't tell you?"

"No," Justin chuckled, "Sarah isn't telling me a lot these days. But now I think I should know?"

"Yeah," G sighed, nodding.

"Coffee?"

"Please."

….

Any other couple would have considered Ed's and Olivia's routine as a rut. But they were not any other couple and they both had come to cherish the once-a-week (at least!) drink at some out of the way hole in the wall. Tonight they were at a small pub close to Benson's apartment. She'd spent the evening with Noah, and Lucy graciously returned after a few hours off so that her boss could enjoy a brief night out with the guy Olivia simply called Tucker. Lucy always made sure to mind her own business, but she was intrigued by what seemed to be a budding romantic relationship. Olivia practically skipping out of the apartment on her way to meet him was amusing, and the first time he and Lucy were introduced Olivia blushed and beamed with a smile Lucy had never seen before. It was refreshing to see someone so often beleaguered have a chance to relax and connect with someone on a deeply personal level. So, Lucy said a quick goodnight and insisted Olivia not be in a rush and that she have a good time.

Ed surprised her by apologetically asking if it was okay if they ordered a bite to eat right away. He'd had nothing other than a donut and coffee all day and he was starving.

"Well aren't you the stereotypical cop," Olivia teased, "And, no, I don't mind. I practically skipped lunch."

"Busy day?"

"Not really. But Carisi ordered from this deli he supposedly swears by and I couldn't eat the sandwich. Too oily."

"I hate soggy bread."

"So do I."

Ed grinned, "Another thing we have in common."

"Racking them up, aren't we?" Olivia moved closer. She wanted a kiss. She'd been thinking about a kiss since earlier in the afternoon when someone mentioned IAB and she immediately shivered because kissing him was so unbelievably wonderful. But he didn't bite. At least not completely. "What's wrong?" She asked after the quick peck.

"Nothin," he replied sheepishly. He hated letting her down, "I'm sorry I, uh, I need to sign off on something for Renee Curry, you know her?"

"No."

"She started at IAB before, uh, before we-"

"-started seeing each other?"

"Yeah," Ed took a deep breath. Why was he so nervous? Would Olivia Benson ever not make him nervous? "She had a rough start. A really rough start. Reminded me of my kids, Brooke in particular, so I helped her out, gave her a little advice-"

"-took her under your wing."

"Right." Ed returned her smile, "She's in a master's program at John Jay. Supposed to be logging hours. As if we have time to do any of that. I don't know what I'm signing. A little hypocritical, I know. Anyway, she's gonna come by. The thing's due in the morning and I was out all day."

"I cannot imagine Ed Tucker falsifying documents."

He shrugged. "Let's keep that between us."

"Deal."

Renee showed up after they'd finished their appetizer and ordered a second round of drinks. Even though Ed and Olivia were spaced at a friendly distance, it didn't take an up-and-coming investigator to realize they weren't simply old colleagues having a platonic drink together. She thanked Ed, apologized for interrupting, and scurried out of the pub. Once she was gone, Ed planted a smooch on Olivia's lips.

"Wow," she murmured in the aftermath.

"I'm really sorry," he said. "This, us, being together, it's supposed to be kinda a sacred space."

"No need to apologize," Olivia sincerely replied, "I'm not upset. It was actually kind of nice to be together and see a person one of us knows. I know it's hard," Olivia put her hand on his knee. "I don't want you to be worried about me, Ed. I'm fine."

"Liv." He pursed his lips and cocked his head to one side, "We're way past that. I'm always gonna worry about you."

Olivia's mouth twitched and her eyes blurred with unshed tears. Her entire face battled the urge to break into sobs.

Ed gently took her hand. "Hey…"

Shaking her head, Olivia replied in a hushed yet steady voice, "I'm okay. Really, Ed. I am. The thing is, it's actually comforting to know you worry about me. That you care so much. It's an instinct to say not to worry, I'm so used to not having anyone other than myself to rely on. But now? It's so nice during the day to think about you and," she bit her lip, "know there's a chance you're thinking about me."

"Really good odds I'm thinkin' about you." Ed gently threaded his fingers through hers, "I should have told you about Curry stopping by though. I'm sorry."

Olivia grinned. "Apology accepted," her lips curled into a smile, "I think, maybe, you wanted her to see you with me."

Ed blushed and smirked.

"Yep," Olivia took a sip of her drink, "You're busted, Ed Tucker. Busted."

….

Over breakfast, Noah updated his parents on his night with Caroline, Brooke, and Sarah. They ate stew and boxty, took one final dip in the pool, and after his shower, Noah updated the travel journal with everyone's assistance. He slid his plate aside and showed his parents the newly completed pages. They were filled with his wobbly script and impressively detailed sketches. "Here's about da jail, and da other museum about Irish people, the zoo, and," Noah grinned, "Here's where they make da GUINNESS!"

"Noey," Sarah said, "Just don't tell anyone we let you have a little tiny sip."

Noah pressed his lips together and made a zipping motion. He gently closed his journal, put it in his cargo shorts pocket, and returned to his breakfast.

"Anything you want to do or see before we leave?" Ed asked between bites of his omelet. While he waited for responses, he offered a forkful to Olivia and whispered, "it's really good." The dish had ingredients that, to Olivia, didn't seem to go together and she made a face but nonetheless gave it a try.

She chewed and her eyes never left his. "Not bad," she cooed.

"Dad?" Brooke said, "Hello?"

"Earth to Parents!" Sarah called.

"What in the hell did you two do last night?" Caroline asked.

Ed and Olivia turned back to the family, and, grinning, ignored Caroline's question and the curious eyes of Brooke and Sarah. Unfazed, Noah happily chewed a bite of toast.

"Do we need to make any stops before we check out?" Ed asked again.

"Not here," Caroline said, "But on the way we have to stop in KIlkenny."

"Ma, that's a little outta the way."

"Let's make it on the way, Eddie," Caroline insisted, "There's a little place there where I had my first date and I need to bring back some things for my card girls. No better lace to find them than the lanes there. And, also," she paused long enough to get Noah's attention, "You never know, we could see the tails of the Kilkenny cats."

Remembering the various versions of the folk tale, Noah grinned.

"I think a stop in Kilkenny sounds fabulous," Olivia said, "But we better hurry and get going if we want to have enough time to stop and...search for cat tails."

"Mommy! We still have to get Maggs and Wyatt more stuff!"

Olivia assured him they would add to the t-shirts and puzzles they'd purchased for the twins, and the stop in Kilkenny sounded like a great place to find handcrafted toys. "We better finish packing and check out."

Sarah tossed her napkin onto the room service cart. "Next stop, KIlkenny! And, Grandma, on the way you can tell us about your first date."

"It was quite romantic," Caroline said, "I hope you can handle it."

Sarah eyed Ed and Olivia whose hands were touching ever so slightly as they left the suite for their own. "I've had a lot of practice handling other people's romance," she said, "I'm definitely up for it."

….

The doctor walked into the waiting room and it reminded Maggie of scenes she'd seen in movies when the medical professionals, dressed in scrubs, dramatically peel off masks and sigh before breaking the bad news to relatives. Olivia stood up and visibility collected herself, bracing for the worst. Maggie squeezed her hand. Olivia squeezed back, but then let her daughter's hand go and strode bravely toward the doctor. Maggie and her brothers stood as well, but gave their mother her space. They had only seen her accept a family member's death two times, and, though she'd been sad, she remained calm. But that had been Grandma Caroline, which the twins barely remembered, and Uncle Johnny. Not her husband.

The doctor spoke in such a quiet voice the three siblings couldn't hear. Olivia nodded. When she turned around she was smiling. "He's okay," she reported, "The surgery went well. He's still asleep but we can see him."

After a long, relieved group hug, they marched to Ed's room. Machines beeped. A corner of his gown was pulled away revealing cardiac monitor patches, and an IV needle was stuck in his hand secured by a patch of tape. Noah mumbled something about his color looking good, and he was right. Other than the setting and the scare of the past week, their Dad seemed like he was in decent shape. Five days ago, while out shopping with Olivia, Ed experienced dizziness. It passed, but when he got home his vision blurred and at one point was seeing double. Olivia called an ambulance. Ed was rushed to the emergency room, stabilized, and subsequently underwent a series of tests. He hadn't had a heart attack; rather, he needed valve repair surgery. The doctors and Ed were optimistic. Though nearing age eighty, he was in excellent shape. He and Olivia walked three to five miles each day. Other than splitting a burger and fries at the pub each Wednesday, they ate a generally healthy diet. They still enjoyed a glass of wine or bourbon or Irish whiskey, but did so way less frequently than they had earlier in their lives. It had all happened so fast Olivia forgot to call the kids until Ed, from his hospital bed, mentioned it might be time to get them updated.

In their group text, Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt responded to the news in their own unique ways. Maggie was sure of a bleak outcome and lamented that it was too soon for her Daddy to die. Noah was optimistic. He had no reason to disagree with the doctors. Wyatt was silent for a while. Maggie and Noah chatted back and forth. When he finally chimed in, he was armed with online research and confidently reported the surgery was routine and was sure it would turn out just fine. The elephant in the room, though, was Ed's age. The threesome had never been concerned about having older parents until they'd reached their mid-and-late twenties. As the birthday numbers crept higher and higher they were inevitably closer and closer to permanent goodbyes.

The surgery was predicted to last a few hours. Olivia insisted she was fine waiting by herself. All three kids laughed. There was no way they were allowing their mother to go through this alone. When the doctor came out earlier than expected, they all held their breath. But Ed was alive. And now, he was starting to come out of the anesthesia.

His eyes fluttered open and he smacked his lips.

"Liv?" He asked.

"Ed, honey, I'm right here." Olivia planted her face in front of his. Her hair was pulled back and a few strands hung down parallel to her cheeks. A few stray gray roots stuck out along her part. She wasn't incredibly diligent about regular salon visits. "Can you see me?"

"I see you."

Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt exchanged knowing glances. Their Dad was smirking. Though thirty minutes removed from surgery, he managed to deliver the three words in a flirty, raspy tone they'd all heard hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times before. The three kids collectively breathed a sigh of relief. Medical assessments were one thing, but, for them, observational evidence was more reliable.

Olivia kissed him and said, "The doctor says you're a trooper. It all went better than expected."

"Told ya there was nothin' to worry about."

Olivia pressed her forehead against his, "I'm always going to worry about you."

"I know." Ed closed his eyes and soaked up the comfort of being in the presence of his wife. When he opened his eyes again, he joked, "Oh, the kids are here."

"They are. They're great kids. We've done good."

"Daughter of ours still drives me crazy."

"DAD!"

…..

Justin and G took their coffee out to the terrace, and he left the door cracked a little so he could hear Maggie or Wyatt or both when they woke up. He noticed Pearl sleeping both between and underneath them and mentioned that it was probably not worth it to leave the door ajar. Pearl was a pretty decent assistant babysitter.

"So what's goin' on?" Justin asked after he had taken his seat and wedged his bare feet between two of the railing slats. "Sare's been busy with the trip and tying things up at work before, so," he held up his hands, "I may have missed a couple things."

G envied Justin for a few different reasons. She knew the gist of his story and how he and Sarah had met. Through pure luck he'd hit the jackpot. Merely by doing his job he'd met a woman who was smart, fun, kind, and, even though she didn't flaunt it, independently wealthy. But, unless you really knew Sarah, you couldn't tell she had more money than she knew what to do with. The same went for Justin. He was down-to-earth. As far as G knew, he preferred to be home or at school studying and writing than anywhere else, and she couldn't help but notice he was wearing old, faded Adidas soccer pants and a hooded Penn sweatshirt he and Sarah apparently shared. Most of all though he always seemed genuinely content. When G saw him on her way out or in, he always had an easy smile and walked with a nonchalant gait. He gave off the air that nothing bothered him, so hearing a hint of uncertainty in his voice was slightly unsettling.

"Something happen with you and Sarah?" It was a more forward question than G would have typically asked, but she was losing her nerve about her own issues and what had brought her to the apartment so early in the first place.

"Nah," Justin replied, "I think she had some deal at work she didn't tell me about but I'll talk to her when she gets back."

G nodded and remained silent, hoping he'd keep talking. He was one of the few New Yorkers she encountered who retained such a heavy, native city accent, and it was alluring.

"I didn't realize how much the two of us don't really talk about our work," Justin continued, "I guess that's a good thing, right? I mean, I don't really understand what she does and she gets what I'm doin' right now, it's not that hard to understand, but, as far as the research is concerned? She doesn't care."

"That sounds harsh."

"It's not," Justin said assuredly, "We both kinda agree...we leave the work stuff at work."

"So what is it you have in common?" G asked, inexplicably emboldened. What was in this coffee? She thought.

Justin grinned. "You know what I first liked about Sarah? The fact that she wanted to know everything about me. I literally knew nothing about her other than she knew the cop in the building. And, like, the first few times we went out it was all about me. And then it was my turn. That's when I met Noah. I think she was testing me out on him. But we're still, even though we're married, figuring each other out. It takes a long time to really know someone. And that's what we're doing."

Had G not liked Sarah and Justin and all the Tuckers so much she would have been seething with envy. Where had she gone so wrong in her life to be...without all of this?

"But you didn't come here because you wanted marriage advice," Justin said.

Well that was certainly the truth.

"Who's this guy?"

G once again told the story. The entire painful story from beginning to end, including the indictment and arrest and how she was certain retaliation was on its way. Though, this time, telling it all to Justin didn't seem to be as excruciating. Maybe she had told it so much it didn't register. Or, maybe she subconsciously trusted Justin more than she'd expected. Also, here, on the terrace with locked doors and a very protective labrador between her and the outside world, she felt safe.

"I admire you," Justin said, "I'd fucking arrange to kill him."

"Believe me, I wish I could."

"Do you want to?"

All of the air left G's lungs.

Justin grinned again, "Kidding. Well, sort of. If you really wanted to go that route…"

"I think I should probably just live in fear for the next few months."

"Months?"

"Time for the trial or plea of whatever. And then the money from the NDA. I may have to pay all that pack which means I'll have to sell."

"They're not gonna make you do that," Justin said.

He was more resolute than G expected.

"How do you know?"

"Cause they want it to go away. That's why they did the NDA in the first place. If there's anything I know it's that rich people want bad shit in their lives to disappear. So he's gonna plea and you're gonna keep the money and he's gonna retire or some shit, so it's not ever gonna be enough, but it's gonna be more than not enough."

G gazed at Justin and wished he wasn't married. She didn't have much time to pine over him because Maggie, Pearl, and Wyatt were approaching. They didn't realize the door was cracked and they recessed their faces to the glass.

"JUSSYYYYY!"

"GEEEEEEE!"

Pearl barked.

"I gotta take the dog out," Justin said, "Can you hang out with Maggs and Wy for a few minutes? There's more coffee."

"Sure," G said, "I'd love to."

…

The lanes of Kilkenny were as quaint and enchanting as Caroline described. The artisans were out in full force, perhaps overstocked due to the pandemic, and all of the Tuckers spent more time and money than they'd planned on one-of-a-kind souvenirs. On one stretch there was a woodworker whose toy cars and trains caught Noah's interest, a metalworker, an artisan peddling crystal, and an artist whose watercolor works caught both Brooke's and Sarah's eyes.

"I'm going to buy them," Sarah said. "My treat, Brookey. Grandma? You want one? Noey? Daddy? Livvie?"

They all chose prints and Sarah gave both her money and her address to the painter who reacted as if he'd one the lottery. Sarah added another print for Carmen.

Another booth distracted everyone with its wool blankets. At one point, though, Olivia felt a tug at her wrist. She looked behind her and there was Ed motioning her over.

"Hey," he offered her a small rectangular box, "I got this for ya."

Olivia smiled and opened it. Inside was a necklace with an intricate-looking charm but there were clearly two oval-shaped gaps in the design that resembled eyes.

"The Kilkenny cats," Ed explained, "Ther're probably a hundred different myths but the one I like the most is that the cats fought so hard for their principles and refused to give up. It's the version I like best. And when I was a little boy and read that story I had no idea I'd have the opportunity to give a symbol of that tenacity to a woman who not only embodies the spirit but the woman I love."

Olivia's jaw dropped.

"Mommy! Daddy! Ya ready! We got da blankets! Time ta go to Cobh!"

Olivia spun around on her heel and took a picture of Noah with the artisan market in the background. She insisted on a selfie and then asked a local to snap a picture and then they were on their way.

"Gramma," Noah said in the car, "I didn't see any tails."

Caroline mussed his hair, "Dearie, you have to remember. Sometimes, if you look too hard for something it won't be there. Magic is about unexpected things. And the Kilkenny cats are magic. So you were looking too hard. I recommend you do not look for anything in Cobh because the village is full of surprises."

"Like ghosts?"

"Ma…"

"Don't worry, Eddie," Caroline wiggled her hand in between the front two seats, "If the boy is scared he can sleep with me."

…..

#Tuckson