179.

All four adults collapsed onto beach chairs or the large, water-and-sand repellent mat Olivia had deemed one of the best Amazon finds of her life. Noah's sandcastle vision had been anything unlike he'd undertaken before. Instead of a village of various "buildings" the size of their buckets, Noah envisioned one large tower with windows and a rooftop for "lookouts." He requested an initial sand pile as tall as his head, and everyone pitched in to make it happen. With occasional breaks, It took almost two hours to pile and pack the sand. The heavy lift done, Noah and the twins added the finishing touches which included carving the top like a medieval turret, creating the windows with a small plastic knife, and dumping water into a moat.

Maggie delivered bucket after bucket of water, working diligently with a determined expression on her face. She shrieked and giggled when an extra powerful waves came ashore and knocked her backwards. Once, with the moat temporarily full, she dumped more water in and it splashed against the tower. "Uh-oh!" She bellowed, 'Uh-oh, NO! Got da tower ah'wet!"

Noah ran around and inspected the damage, "S'okay," he reported, "It's gonna dry. G'job, Maggs. Da moat's full so nobody can get in unless we want them to!"

"Gotta bidge?"

"Nope, we need a drawbridge, but," Noah scrunched up his face and tried to figure out a way to possibly install the feature, "We're gonna have to pretend there's one."

Nearby, Sarah was sipping a margarita out of a plastic cup printed with dolphins and almost choked. "Omigod, Livvie," she gasped, "Maggie's so smart. She knows there needs to be a bridge over the water. Gawwwd, you have geniuses. Three geniuses on your hands." Earlier, Wyatt had been paging through a book while waiting to be taken to the beach and Sarah heard him reading to himself. Little did she know Wyatt loved the particular title and knew it mostly by heart.

"I used to worry we were doing the twins a disservice by not sending them to daycare, but they seem to be fine without it."

"And preschool in the fall," Ed added.

Olivia sighed. "Preschool," she murmured, "It seems like just last week they were sleeping in bassinets in our room and we were waking up every twenty minutes to check on them," she turned and smiled at Ed, "Doesn't it?"

He grinned back at her, "Yeah it does."

"Will they go to Noah's school?" G asked.

"No," Olivia replied, "There's a great preschool only a couple of blocks from our building. We have their spots all reserved. They're not as serious as some of the other programs. A lot of play and socialization, songs, and art."

"We don't need two hours of math and reading homework at three," Ed muttered. He had always been annoyed at the amount of work Noah was required to do outside of the classroom and as much as Olivia assured him it didn't hurt Noah, Ed remained bitter.

"I don't remember ever having homework until middle school," Justin said. "And even then it wasn't much."

"Ugh, we always had a lot," Sarah said.

"You waited until the last minute, so it seemed like a lot," Ed countered.

Sarah raised her cup, "True, true."

Maggie ran over, empty pail in hand, and asked Olivia for a drink. Her pink bathing suit was smeared with wet sand and her beach hat was on but soaking wet. Sarah plucked one of the suit straps, "Small sister, you are getting tan lines my dear."

"I got su'screen, Sa'Bear," Maggie told her matter-of-factly.

"I know, but look! Your skin's getting brown out here but under your suit it's so white I need my darker sunglasses!"

Maggie stared at Sarah blankly as she drank from her juice box, finishing half of it in one gulp. She handed it back to Olivia, "You hold, Mama. B'right back!" The little girl ran to shore, filled the pail, dumped the water, and returned for the rest of her drink.

"You're workin' hard over there, Maggs," Ed remarked.

Maggie nodded, "Keep da mo'FULL!"

"Bud, you got a good operation goin' on," Ed called to Noah. "Very efficient."

Noah looked up from the opposite side of the tower and grinned. "Yup! We all have a job! Wyatt's doin' da windows."

Concentrating hard, Wyatt did not look up from his crouch.

"I need a fraction of their energy and motivation," Justin said.

"Honey," Sarah cooed, "You have way more of those than I do!"

"Be nice to have it bottled," G said.

"Yup," Justin replied. "Like those Four Hour Energy things. Just pop the top, take a swig, and there ya go. Good for the rest of the day."

G nodded. "Exactly." She finished her own margarita and hoped Sarah would offer refills soon. On her first full day with the Tuckers, she noticed a few things. The kids pretty much had the run of the house. Ed and Olivia were madly in love with each other and either couldn't or didn't hide it. Justin was even more kind than she realized. And cocktail hour began well before lunch.

Though she was not a teetotaler, G didn't drink all that much. At the beach, Sarah seemed to shrug off all rules and pulled out the blender shortly after breakfast. G tried to pace herself, but she kind of liked the family's anything-goes attitude. When she was out with colleagues at home, G was afraid of losing control and letting her guard down, so she limited herself to a gin or vodka tonic, let the ice melt, and asked the bartender for a little more tonic if she felt like she needed to have a drink in her hand. Here in the Tucker bubble, G felt comfortable pushing her self-imposed limits.

"Guys!" Noah announced, "We're done!"

"Let me get a picture of the three of you!" Olivia popped up, phone in hand, and posed the kids for a few snaps. "Wow. Amazing. Good job, kiddos!"

"Now," Noah said, "Justy, wanna skimboard?"

"Sure."

"How about some lunch?" Olivia suggested.

"Jus' a few skimboard minutes?" Noah begged.

"Okay. A few. Only if Justin doesn't mind."

"He doesn't mind," Sarah said, "He's always looking for ways to injure himself."

"Hey, I gotta be better than Sonny," Justin said with a grin.

Sarah shook her head. "And in the unhealthy competitions category…"

Olivia massaged Ed's shoulders and watched Noah's first skimboard run. He stayed on the board for a few seconds, tumbled into the water, and scrambled to grab his board. "I'll go get the wraps," she said, "Sound good?"

Sarah answered before Ed, "Livvie, I'll get them," she said.

"I can help," G added.

"Yeah, you two stay here and relax."

Olivia thanked them, and, instead of sitting in her chair, sat in front of Ed so his knees were at her ears. Sarah and G started trudging back to the house. When they reached the boardwalk, Sarah elbowed G's side. "They're probably pissed, actually, I didn't think that 'go get the wraps' meant a little hanky panky in the kitchen."

G chuckled. She was well aware of Sarah's obsession with Ed's and Olivia's love life and continually wondered how she could gush like this without sounding the least bit creepy. Maybe it was because the love story was really that fascinating. "Well, they are getting a few minutes of partial alone time," she looked back right when Ed kissed the top of Olivia's head. The twins were now in her lap, but Olivia reached back with one hand and patted his face.

The first order of business once in the house was not food but tequila. Sarah poured two shots then mixed another pitcher of very strong margaritas. The wraps were already made, so she stacked them in a small cooler, added a bag of chips, paper plates, and napkins, and poured two more shots.

"To summer," she said. "And to the best fucking vacation home."

G smiled a rare, genuine, no-holds-barred smile. "Cheers to that," she said firmly. "I love this house."

Sarah nodded. "Literally the best place on Earth," she said, "Everyone can have their Hawaii or their Caribbean, but give me Delaware with the fam over all of it. Twenty four seven three sixty nine."

G doubled over in laughter.

"Sixty-FIVE," Sarah said. She was in a fit of laughter of her own, "Sixty-five. I swear I'm not a, what's the word I'm looking for?"

"I...dunno."

"Whatever it is," Sarah said breathlessly, "I'm not that."

….

The day at the beach culminated an hour or so before sundown. Nobody felt eager to go on the boat for a dinner cruise nor did anyone volunteer to cook. Sluggishness was setting in, even among the kids. Noah rolled himself in a towel and closed his eyes. Maggie and Wyatt were lying in the sand making angels but not getting up to see their work.

"Let's just order pizza," Sarah said.

"YES!" Noah came to life and sat up.

"Oh! He's alive!"

"I'm allllliiiiiive," Noah growled in a monster voice.

The twins startled to attention. "AH!" Wyatt shouted. "MONSTER! MONSTER, MAGG!" He took off down the shoreline. Maggie followed.

Ed and Olivia traded who's it glances.

"I got 'em," he said with a smirk. A moment later he caught up with the three-year-olds and swung them around in his arms. They squealed and clamored for him to dunk them in the waves which he did in a continuous loop, one after the other, until the twins were doubled over in laughter and he was sufficiently winded.

"I love how they fall over into each other when they laugh," G remarked.

"I know," Sarah said, "It's like they're totally drunk with joy."

"Maaaaaama!" Maggie came running over, "Hottub hottub!"

Ed approached with a sheepish expression and explained, "The deal was, we leave the beach but they get ten minutes in the bubbles."

"Okay," Olivia said, "But shower first."

"C'mon, babies!" Noah led the way back to the house. The outdoor shower had become another play space for him and his siblings and their toys were already scattered in and around the enclosure.

Sarah and Olivia folded the blanket. Justin shouldered the chairs. Ed collected the sand toys, making sure to unearth the shovels and rakes. G noticed one of the skimboards bobbing in the surf and ran to nab it before it was lost at sea. When she turned around, everyone but Ed had already reached the seagrass.

Nervousness bubbled up in her chest and not even the copious amounts of booze quelled the sensation. She bought time by readjusting her grip on the unwieldy board. Ed cinched the mesh sand toy bag and noticed G was still there. "Got it?" He asked.

"Oh, um, yeah," G stammered.

"Have a good day?"

"Yes," G replied. Although they'd been within ten feet of each other most of the afternoon she and Ed hadn't directly exchanged words. She didn't take it personally. He was always hyperfocused on the kids or Olivia. Even Sarah had to clap her hands inches from his ears to make sure he was paying attention to one of her anecdotes. "Perfect beach day."

"Right. Looks like it'll be this way for the next couple of days."

"Good."

Ed checked the area for any items he may have missed. Seeing none, he started toward the house. "I know Liv probably already said this, but it's a real good thing you're here. I know it's been a rough couple of months, more than that actually, and if you need anything all ya gotta do is ask."

The only reason G did not totally freak out and run away was that Ed seemed unsure of himself, maybe even nervous, and it was endearing. Also, running away would've compounded her embarrassment because she would eventually have to slink back to the house.

"Thanks," she mumbled, "It's been really nice to disconnect and concentrate on having fun." G winced behind her sunglasses. Concentrate on having fun? What was that? She didn't recognize her own words. But, then again, she couldn't erase the sight of Ed prancing around the house in Olivia's clothes, so most of her energy was spent on trying to act as unaffected as possible. On the plus side, Ed hadn't been acting weird toward her.

As they approached the house the kids' boisterous chatter emanated from the shower.

"They won't come out," Sarah reported.

"Ten minutes in the bubbles is gonna be five!" Ed shouted. "C'mon! Three, two-"

Noah pushed the door open and he and his siblings bolted out.

Ed smirked and muttered, "Parenting is ninety percent bribes." He turned on the hot tub jets and deposited the twins in the water. "Where's Liv?"

"Ordering."

"Can you keep and eye on them while I grab some dry towels?"

"Sure."

Sarah eyed Ed as he bounded the steps and disappeared into the house. "Dry towels," she snickered under her breath, "Right."

…..

In the spring of their fourth grade year, Wyatt and his Reading Bowl Team were invited to a four-day tournament on the campus of Cornell University. He was the youngest on the team; therefore, the school requested either Olivia or Ed attend as well. The older middle school kids were housed in pairs in hotel rooms, but there was no way anyone, especially Olivia, was going to allow Wyatt to bunk with young teenagers. With two Tuckers away and Noah busy with his own middle school activities, Ed and Maggie found themselves with a wealth of Dad-Daughter time.

On their first afternoon to themselves, they headed to the park for catch and batting practice. Softball season was coming soon, and Maggie had her eye on a third or fourth position in the batting order. Ed tossed her pitches from a shag bag and complimented her for being less rusty than he predicted. He was careful not to badger her with pointers-he'd seen too many Moms and Dads overcoach their kids-and it helped that Maggie was gifted with excellent hand-eye coordination. Compared to Brooke and Sarah, she was on track to be an Olympian.

They planned to repeat the routine the next day, a Friday, but the fluctuating spring weather brought forty degree temperatures and overcast skies. Maggie shivered when she exited the school building and Ed suggested they go for a hot chocolate and a snack. He sent Noah a text so he could stop by after his student government meeting and they could all walk home together.

In between bites and sips, Maggie gabbed about her day and when she came to details about digital arts class, she unzipped her backpack and produced her iPad. She chattered away as she navigated to the folder containing her artwork, but Ed barely heard her. A plastic-wrapped square tucked in one of the interior pockets caught his eye. Maggie, realizing she did not have her father's complete attention, frowned. "Daddy! Are you listening?"

"Yeah, sure, I saw, well," he picked up the bag, "What's this?"

"Oh, that's for if I get my period."

Ed nearly fell out of his chair. The matter-of-fact answer was shocking, but the fact his nine-year-old who still slept with her Gund baby and demanded bedtime stories and snuggled up with him for movies apparently was ready for puberty to set in made his heart skip beats and his stomach twist in knots. He tried to recall how he'd handled this with Sarah and Brooke before realizing he didn't handle it at all. He allowed himself a couple of seconds to regroup and maybe for Olivia to magically appear. When she didn't, he soldiered on.

"Ah, well, good to be prepared," he replied. Maggie, brow furrowed, was still swiping away, battling her subpar organizational skills in search of the print she wanted to show off. She mumbled an unintelligible response. "Where'd ya get that?"

"Mia."

"Mia?"

"Uh-huh. Here it is!" Maggie smiled triumphantly and showed Ed a rendering of the small park outside of their school. She'd drawn it as a winter scene and icicles hung from the fountain's edges.

Ed took the device. "This is nice," he said, "Wow! Lookit all the detail. The people even look like their walking and talking, and, good job showing how cold it is with their breath!"

"Yeah," Maggie said, "My teacher liked that too." Maggie took another look at her creation and slapped the cover back over the screen. When she put the tablet back in her bag she remembered the question about the pad. "Mia had one a these in her bag and she gave me one."

"Just...gave it to you?"

Maggie grinned, "After I asked what it was!"

Ed was not surprised Maggie had not only taken it upon herself to poke around in Mia's bag or ask about the unfamiliar item. Only, it wasn't so unfamiliar to her after all.

"Sare Bear has some too," Maggie continued. "All girls do."

"Ah, okay-"

"-so that's why you don't know 'bout it."

"Right."

Maggie kicked her feet back and forth and played with her wrist full of beaded bracelets. "What're we gonna do tonight? It's Friday!"

Ed figured he better take advantage of Friday nights with his daughter while she still wanted to hang out with him. "Whaddya think about the pub for dinner and maybe going bowling?"

"Oooo! Yes! We haven't done bowling in a long time! But what's gonna be teams? It's not even."

"It's gonna have to be every man, and woman, for themselves."

Maggie grinned, "Dad, I'm a kid."

"Oh yeah," he said with a smirk, "Sorry. Every Dad and kid for themselves."

"That's better." Maggie looked out the window and groaned, "Ugh, Noah is taking so long!" She saw Ed smiling at her and asked, "Why are you laughing?"

"No reason," he said, "Love you kiddo."

Maggie grinned. Her nose crinkled and her cheeks puffed out. "Love you Daddy! But you know who I don't love right now? Noah! He's. Taking. Too. Long."

"More like you don't love waiting," Ed pointed out.

"Yeah." Maggie brightened, "Can I have another scone? I'll go wait in line."

Ed grinned and handed over his card, "Sure," he said, "Get me one, too."

…

Sarah made an elaborate show of hugging and kissing Noah and the twins before they were ushered upstairs to bed. She danced Wyatt around, flipped Maggie, and bear-hugged Noah who extricated his head and explained to G, "Sare Bear's always squishin." Ed and Olivia were back downstairs in no time and curled up together on the loveseat. Sarah sat on the coffee table and, in her sweetest voice, asked if they wouldn't mind if she, G, and Justin went down to a boardwalk bar. One of the area's popular singers was playing. In the distance, if you listened closely, the music was already audible.

The plan was news to Justin and G. They'd been yawning, had already passed on cards, and assumed they'd all go to bed early.

"We don't mind," Ed answered right away.

"Go have a good time," Olivia said sleepily. Her head was on Ed's chest and her eyes were drooping.

"Awesome! I have my key!" Sarah whirled around to Justin and G, "Oh, I guess I should see if you two want to go! This guy is so good. You won't regret it."

"You do a line or something?" Justin joked.

Sarah swatted his chest, "C'mon, we're on vacation. Three songs. If you hate it or don't catch your second wind we'll leave." Sarah was no longer suggesting, she was demanding, and was down the steps within seconds.

"Give me a sec," G said, "I have to get my wall-"

"-On me," Sarah said. Having parried all protests, Sarah smiled triumphantly. "Last one there has to do a cement mixer!"

Ed waved at a reluctant Justin and an even more reluctant G and muttered to Olivia, "What the hell is a cement mixer?"

"I think it's a shot."

"How do you know that?"

"I went to college."

"So did I," Ed replied, "Guess I didn't hang out with the cool kids."

"Maybe you were in a classier crowd than I was."

Ed kissed the side of her face and said softly, "I doubt it."

Olivia smiled and adjusted her position so they could share a few proper kisses. His face was red and his chin and jaw appeared more pronounced than usual, but his lips were soft and smooth. "Mmmm," she droned, her eyes still closed, "I love kissing you."

"Then let's do it more." Ed cupped her head and initiated a deeper, more intense kiss. "How's that?"

"So good." Olivia burst into soft laughter when she saw Ed yawn, "Good for you, too?" She joked.

"Long day," Ed replied, "Well, good long. But I'm gonna sleep well tonight."

"Want to go up now?"

"Nah, I want to sit out here with you for a little while longer." He wrapped his arms around her again and rested his chin on the top of her head. "I cannot believe they went out again."

"Me neither. Especially poor G. She was up early this morning. I'm sure she's not sleeping well if at all."

"Have a good talk with her though?"

"I did," Olivia interlaced her fingers with Ed's, "I told her...about Lewis-"

"-Liv-"

She squeezed his hands, "I'm okay, honey. I promise. And I wasn't going to tell her the whole thing, well, I spared a lot of the details, but my point was that I understand how complicated the aftermath is when a long, tortuous journey ends this way. I needed her to know I know exactly how it feels. And, if there's any possible reason for what happened to me, for me getting out of there alive, it has to be, in part, so I can help people like G."

"I get it," Ed replied, "But you know I worry your gigantic heart might not always be good for your head."

"It's always there somewhere, Ed," Olivia said softly, "Talking about it doesn't make it any more or less intense."

"Sure about that?"

"No…" Olivia bit her lip, "But I'm willing to risk it if need be. And I have you. You helped me heal completely. I'm on the other side now. I'm as strong as I've ever been."

"I just hated seein' you suffer," Ed replied, "Selfish, I know, but I don't want to see you in that dark place ever again. It broke my heart."

"It doesn't sound selfish," Olviia said, "It sounds like you love me."

"More than you'll ever know, Liv," he murmured, "Way more than you know."

….

Olivia let a full day pass before returning Ed's text message. The snub was only partially intentional. She ignored the message when it first arrived, but fully intended to respond. After a few hours back at the office, though, his text was buried in dozens of others, and it was only when she was summoned to IAB the next morning that she remembered. Though he had been the one guilty of being an jerk, she nevertheless couldn't excuse her rudeness.

On my way to your office, she had written, lunch after? No, lunch wasn't going to work. She had to go home and spend some time with Noah. Drinks would be better, but drinks were what got them into this mess in the first place. No, she mentally contradicted herself, not solely drinks. Ed had shown a different side of himself that night, and she wanted to see it again. She changed the message, sent it out into the void, and was not at all surprised when he didn't respond right away.

After the meeting, which didn't take long, Ed lingered in the conference room. He shuffled and reshuffled folders and tried to look preoccupied. Olivia saw right through the act. "Did you see my text?" She asked once they were alone in the room.

"Did you see mine yesterday?"

Ouch.

"I did," Olivia closed her eyes and waved her hands around, "I got...busy."

"Hmph."

"So, I guess the answer's no?"

"You seriously want to go down this road again?"

"Road?" Olivia narrowed her eyes, "You extended the olive branch...I'm willing to take it."

"Alright, but, it's gotta be a little later."

"How about nine?" Olivia liked this idea even better. She was sure Lucy would be willing to return for a couple of hours and this way she could eat dinner with Noah, play for a bit, and put him to bed.

"Fine."

Later, at the bar, Ed's attitude was much more contrite. He stood and took her coat when she arrived. They didn't say much at first. Olivia caught him staring a few times and she nervously twirled a section of her shorter hair.

"I like it," Ed said softly.

"Like what?"

"The cut," he answered, "New, right?"

"A little, yeah."

Ed smiled and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for yesterday," he said in his deepest, most sincere voice, "I wasn't prepared...to see you again...and under those circumstances. I don't know why I was so short. Maybe in trying to be normal I laid normal on too thick. I can't explain it. But I apologize."

Olivia lifted her glass, "Apology accepted."

"That was easy."

"We're not done, Tucker," she said sternly, "What was yesterday all about anyway? I didn't call. You didn't call. Are we not even?"

"Disappointment I suppose," he replied, "Mad at myself I didn't pick up the phone the next day. Or any of these days. A little mad and confused why you didn't either. And the longer the question marks sat out there, the more it all festered." Ed sipped his bourbon, "I shouldn'ta treated you like that yesterday. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted."

"And you got Amaro back so you're not so short staffed anymore," Ed added weakly.

"I appreciate that."

Ed returned her smile. "How's the baby?"

"Starting to not be a baby anymore."

"Yeah...they do that. Listen," Ed swiveled so his entire body was facing hers. Their knees touched. Neither one of them moved. "I know your dance card's full. How about we take a few steps back?"

"We can't take back what happened."

"I never want to take that back," Ed replied with a smirk, "But I'd rather be able to meet like this every once in a while than nothing. I want to be your friend, Olivia Benson. Or at least not someone you want to avoid at all costs."

"Tucker," Olivia had to pause after saying his name because she felt a tingling in her throat, "You were there for me when no one else, not even the people I thought were closest to me, were there. You saw me. You sensed I needed a…" Olivia shot him a coy smile, "...a distraction. And it ended up being one of the best nights I've had in a long time."

"That's good to hear."

"So my point is, I want things between us to be...different..., but, you're right, I have so much to juggle right now…"

"I should've called," Ed said softly, "But I don't know if it would've mattered. Timing's a little off."

"It is."

"So we'll see what happens down the road?"

"Yes," Olivia said, "Let's leave our options open."

He looked crushed, and she felt defeated. But this was the wise move. She was already stretched so thin she worried about breaking. Ed asked if she wanted another drink, one last one for the road, and she accepted. After all, it was likely this would be the last time she'd ever see him, at least socially. Ed was handsome, successful, and under the gruff exterior, incredibly gentle and kind. It was only a matter of time before another woman discovered all the endearing qualities he was hiding, and once it happened he'd forget all about her. There was no way he'd wait until she was ready for a more serious relationship. And, if she were honest with herself, she wasn't sure if she ever would be.

…..

A quarter mile separated the Bethany Boardwalk from the Tucker home, most of which was protected land. The lack of development meant the stretch was pitch black at night. Alone or even with Sarah, G probably would have urged taking the sidewalk back, but with Justin there, she felt safe, so much so she joined in when Sarah sang the singer's last number, a familiar bluegrass hit, at the top of her lungs.

"Holy shit," Sarah said, "I am fucked up." She bumped into G and Justin, spun around, looked destined for a tumble into the water, and then miraculously regained her balance. "Aren't you glad you came?" She asked the other two.

"Yes," G said, "It was fun. That guy was good!"

"And so was the guy who bought you those drinks!"

G giggled.

"He seemed like an asshole," Justin said, "No offense."

"None taken," G held up a hand, "IssnotlikeI'mcallinghim." Damn. She'd been doing her best to act more sober than she felt but the alcohol had finally won. "Ya know," she stopped, stood at the shore, arms akimbo, and slurred "I would like one fucking thing. One itty bitty fucking tiny thing. A decent guy. I'm not asking for drop dead gorgeous or rich-wouldbenicethough-but nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Where ARE THEY ALL?"

The outburst startled Justin. He stared at G, wide-eyed, and waited for Sarah to jump in. She meandered in a slow, tight circle, and stared up at the clear, starry sky. "I…" her lips contorted into a pucker. Deep furrows formed on her brow. "Have no fucking idea." She dug her heels in the sand, "How's that for advice? No. Fucking. Clue. I am very useless."

"You're not useless, babe," Justin said, "Only drunk."

"I think much better with five or six drinks, not a hundred," Sarah put one arm around Justin's waist and another across G's shoulders and they started stumbling their way back home, "Asmeagaintomorrow."

….

#Tuckson